Chapter 11
Arizona looked around the room, groaning as the movement aggravating her head, making nausea rise. She took a few deep breaths allowing it to settle.
Callie was sleeping on the pull-out couch next to the bed. Arizona fought the urge to go over and pull the blanket back over her. She looked beautiful, Arizona felt her heart quicken, and her breath hitch, her eyes drawn to the small amount of skin revealed as Callie shuffled. She desperately wanted to stroke that skin, to see if it felt as soft as it looked. She remembered meeting her in a bar, and then a promise of a date in an elevator, but that didn't explain the way she felt, how could she feel such overwhelming love and affection for someone she had only met twice and hadn't even been on a date. Callie sighed turning over in her sleep revealing a freckle.
Arizona bit her lip, she loved that freckle, she loved how when she kissed it Callie would wiggle. Confused she sighed rubbing her head feeling a large dressing, how did she know that? Her brain felt scrambled, she wished she could write down her thoughts to try and organize them, a question haunted her, she felt she had been asked it a lot, what was the last thing she remembered?
Images flashed in her mind, graduating medical school, Tim leaving, a flag presented, kissing Callie in a bathroom, a man pointing a gun, a truck coming closer, Callie lying on a car bonnet, a child whose heart she needed to restart, a plane plummeting down to earth, a wedding, a fire, someone was screaming, loudly, screaming and wailing,
"Arizona, it's okay, Arizona your safe" someone was shouting, it was hard to hear them over the screaming,
"Arizona can you breathe for me, I need you to breathe for me" Callie encouraged, someone was stroking her face and her hair, blue eyes met brown,
"Hey" Callie greeted, her hair messed up, the slight trace of drool still on her cheek, "welcome back".
Arizona realized she had been screaming, and frowned, engine oil, trees, a shoe?
"Are you okay?" Callie asked a cool flannel wiping the sweat away from her forehead, Arizona nodded, before frowning, not sure, these images in her mind, they couldn't be memories, could they? They were so farfetched, Arizona licked her lips, her mouth felt so cry, as if reading her mind Callie presented a glass of water, with a straw, eagerly Arizona took a sip,
"Ggggunnnn" she said, happy she could say the word that had been bothering her,
"You remember a gun?" Callie checked, Arizona nodded, watching Callie carefully, "There was a gun, a man's wife died, he didn't like the care, so he came in and started shooting doctors." She explained, Arizona remembered, she nodded, closing her eyes, she could see herself diving on a child open on the table, while Callie ran in front of her distracting the gunman passing him gauze.
"uuuuuu sssssssssvvav meeee" she slurred,
Callie shook her head no, "we saved each other, we make a great team" she complimented, squeezing her ex's hand. "Do you remember anything else?" she asked, Arizona nodded, wincing as the movement jarred her head.
"Sshhhhhhoooooo"
"Shoe?" Callie asked confused, trying to work out anything involving a shoe that was traumatic. Arizona still wore 2 shoes, even with the prosthetic.
"Loooooosssssstt"
"The plane crash" a voice from the door startled them both, Meredith was stood there leaning casually by the door, "Cristina lost her shoe,"
"Pppppppnnnn?" Arizona questioned, surely that hadn't happened, even as she thought that she could feel the air rush past her, the sound of the plane breaking apart, the smell of engine oil and rotting flesh, her own rotting flesh.
"Arizona?" voices were shouting, loudly, somewhere above her, all Arizona could focus on was the pain from her leg, her bone sticking out, screaming, the smell, the animals fighting,
Then
A sharp scratch, and nothing, the memories stopped, and she was floating.
"The plane crash was only a few years ago" Callie said, trying to focus on the positive, slightly shaken, hearing her wife scream like that was horrendous,
Meredith said nothing, as she stood shaking, the sounds of Arizona screaming had brought her own memories of the nightmare back.
"Meredith?" Callie asked, checking her friend was okay when she didn't reply, "Mer?" Callie gently touched her arm making Meredith jump,
"Sorry" Meredith apologized, "The screaming, it took me back there" she explained, "I need to go" she apologized practically running out of the room. She needed to go somewhere private, to sit and get herself together,
In Arizona's room Callie smoothed her hair down, wiping her brow again, removing the sweat, "What happened out there?" Callie whispered, wishing, not for the first time, she could take the bad memories away. As usual Arizona didn't reply, the sedation sending her into a deep sleep,
Callie sat holding Arizona's hand, contemplating the future. She knew now, Arizona was her past, she was her present and hopefully she'd agree to be her future.
The door knocked, April and Amelia stood there,
"Hey how is she?" Amelia asked checking the monitoring and ventricular drain.
"Getting overwhelmed by the memories, the nurse Shelia sedated her earlier" Callie explained "she remembered the plane crash, she was screaming. I think it triggered Meredith".
Amelia and April exchanged concerned looks.
"I'll go check on her" Amelia offered,
"And I'll stay here, you need to go get something to eat, shower and see your daughter," April ordered, "Otherwise I'm worried your dad might hurt me" She whispered, Callie laughed, she could imagine her father, ordering the attendings around. He could be very intimidating when he wanted to be.
"Okay, I'll be back in 30 minutes" she promised kissing Arizona's hair, April glared at her,
"At least an hour, you should pop to the hotel change your clothes, and maybe pick up some items that might jog Arizona's memory" April suggested, "You know some of the good times,"
Callie nodded thoughtfully, it was a good idea, and she could see Sofia, make sure she was okay, although she expected Abuelo Carlos would be spoiling her.
"Okay, but call me if she wakes, or if anything happens" Callie insisted, April nodded patiently. As Arizona's best friend she knew the blonde still had strong feelings for the brunette, and by Callie's reaction, she wasn't sure it was as one sided as Arizona believed. She just hoped her friend didn't get her heart broken again.
Callie left, April sat holding Arizona's hand, first she prayed, for her friend, prayed she would get better, regain her memories and her family.
After sending the prayer April decided to help, she was a big believer in the unconscious mind,
"So, we met on a Tuesday" April began, trying to remember every interaction she had with Arizona over the years. "I was a transfer from Mercy West, if you didn't like me, you were better at hiding it compared to most" Callie heard her say as she walked away.
She returned a few hours later,
"It was the night of the gala, that's when I think we became friends, we got wasted together, you were in the storage room because Callie looked amazing, and you missed her, I was avoiding Jackson, we kept sending Leah out for more champagne, I made you cry when I told you Callie was telling the donors you were dead. I asked to try your leg on, I think you were going to let me" April reminisced.
"Wait, Arizona knew about that?" a voice at the door startled her, it was Callie she was back, April nodded,
"Uh huh, she was devastated, I think that's when she knew she had to let you move on" April explained, Callie sat, her legs giving out as she tried to reanalyze their interactions after that to see if there were any clues,
"I wasn't lying," she said suddenly, "Arizona died, the old Arizona, the happy, bubbling, chirpy Peds surgeon was dead, instead, she was a PTSD, sulking, angry fetal surgeon who blamed me for cutting off her leg".
"She just couldn't understand how" April said, remembering their long conversations over wine,
"How what?" Callie asked confused, she leant forwards, eagerly, this was important, this was a missing piece, Arizona rarely opened up and explained her thinking, if April could shed any light, it might just help. April hestitated, wondering if she should be telling Callie all this, after all there had to be a reason Arizona hadn't disclosed it to Callie in the past. Callie sensed the hesitation, and place her hand on April's, "Please" she begged, her brown eyes boring into April, appealing to every bit of good will she had ever gained with the red head, April sighed,
"How you could take the bone saw and amputate, she didn't understand how you could do that knowing she was underneath, she told herself it meant you couldn't love her, not as much as she loved you because she would never be able to cut you open, and you had that husband and wife, and you climbed into a sinkhole to make sure he didn't have to cut her leg off, but when it was her, you seemed to find it easy, and even though you are orthopedics and you cut off legs all the time, she thought you might find it hard to cut hers off" April explained, Callie sat, her mouth open,
Arizona had thought she had cut off her leg, not in the theoretical sense, because in Callie's mind she had consented, which meant she was just as guilty as Alex, but in the physical sense. Arizona thought Callie had personally removed her leg.
Suddenly, so much made sense, the conversations they had had, how Arizona had threatened tit for tat, grabbing a bone saw to remove her own leg. How she kept repeating, "How could you remove my leg" not them, you. It wasn't about the fact her leg needed to come off, they both knew it was going to need amputation, they both knew removing it saved Arizona's life. How had they been arguing over different things for this long.
She buried her head in her hands, wishing she could talk about it with Arizona, but knowing until she remembered those fights, she would be unable to, and while she was desperate to have those conversations a small part of her wondered if it would be better if Arizona never remembered those fights.
"I'll leave you two to it" April offered,
"Thank you" Callie said, "for being there for her, for being a good friend".
April shrugged; she didn't need thanks for being Arizona's friend. That was easy, and mutually beneficial. "I'll be back in a bit" she offered; Callie nodded. She was now alone with Arizona, maybe April had a point, maybe if Arizona's conscious memory couldn't remember she could help her subconscious.
"I first saw you in the bathroom of Joe's, I'd been crying, my eyes were puffy, and I had bangs, I was ugly" Callie started, "But somehow you thought I was special, I was worth something, you kissed me, and it was magical, I felt alive, I felt special".
She felt Arizona stir, her heart blossomed with hope. Blue eyes opened, blinking,
"Prrrrrtttyy" she slurred, bringing her hand up to stroke Callie's hair.
"Thank you" Callie replied taking Arizona hand that was gently intertwining her hair and resting her hand on it, sandwiching her head the other side. "Your pretty pretty yourself." She complimented, "Do you know who I am?" she asked,
Arizona frowned slightly, then winced as the movement hurt her stitches, "ally".
"That's right, I'm Callie, do you know where you are?" Callie asked, keeping Arizona's hand by her face, Arizona looked around the room, Callie could see the frustration on her face, as she tried to find the words.
"Sssssstttle gwaccccccee"
"Seattle Grace, okay, do you remember what happened?" Callie asked, Seattle Grace was before the plane crash, before it became Grey Sloan. Arizona thought hard, what had happened, what was the last thing she remembered, images flashed through her mind, but to brief to really grasp.
"It's okay, you don't have to remember anything" Callie promised, rubbing Arizona's arm, "I know your brain feels a little scrambled, Arizona nodded slightly relieved to not have to think too hard,
"Mommy" a voice from the door startled them both, Sofia ran in launching herself at the bed before Callie could catch her.
"Mommy, I love you, and I brought Frozen again cus you went to sleep last time" Sofia rambled, Callie tensed hoping Arizona would remember Sofia, hoping she wouldn't be mean. To her surprise she teared up gently tracing her daughter's face, tears running down her face, Sofia sat on the bed tracing Arizona movement on her mom's face, mimicking her, "do you remember me Mommy?" Sofia asked, after a few minutes,
"Sssssssff"
"She remembers me Mamma" Sofia cried joyfully,
"Bbbigggg" Arizona said sadly, she could only remember Sofia as a baby in NICU, but there was no doubt this was Sofia, it was Callie's mini me, but with the Sloan nose, she knew Mark would be proud.
"Uh huh, Abdulo say's I'm growing like a weed," Sofia said, Arizona nodded, Sofia appeared to be 7? Children grew quickly then, but to her it had only been yesterday since she had been sat there holding her tiny hand in the incubator.
"Sofia, there you are, you can't run off like that" Carlos lectured arriving at the room slightly out of breath, Sofia had run off from him as they entered the hospital, and he had struggled to find the room, whilst worrying his granddaughter might have got distracted on the way.
"But I knew where mommy was" Sofia pouted,
"You might but I didn't," Carlos lectured "And it's my job to keep you safe, and to do that I need to know where you are."
"I'm sorry, I just really wanted to see mommy" Sofia apologized, "I brought you tangled and frozen, they are both Disney films, tangled is your first favorite and frozen is your second favorite" Sofia explained,
Arizona frowned slightly, not able to place either movie, but suspecting they weren't her favorite but in fact the favorite movie of the little girl in front of her. Her favorite had always been Mulan, but maybe she had changed her mind.
"Let's put it in" Callie suggested, she could tell Arizona was getting tired, and wanted to not push her too hard.
"Yay" Sofia cheered, as Callie pressed play.
Like Callie predicted Arizona didn't make it far into the film before her eyes closed, Sofia lying on the bed cuddled into her one side. Callie holding her hand tightly stroking the other.
Arizona is safe in ICU, Callie and Sofia are there,
Let me know what you thought,
Cheers