Chapter 13

Callie grabbed Sofia off the bed pulling the alarm as Arizona suddenly went glassy eyed, unresponsive then began seizing. Not wanting Sofia to see anymore she left the room watching as Amelia, Deluca and the ICU nurses ran in injecting Lorazepam holding her down until the seizure stopped.

"Mamma is mommy going to die?" a traumatized Sofia asked, tears running down her face. Callie held her tightly, rocking slightly,

"No, mommy's brain is hurt, which is why she is forgetful, this is just it's way of telling us it still hurting" Callie explained, "But you know what mommy hasn't forgotten and never will and that's how much she loves you" she said, adding internally, and me. In fact every time Arizona had woken up all she asked about was Callie and Sofia, the depth of her feeling had been overwhelming, she just wondered if Arizona got all her memories back whether she'd still feel the same way. Afterall Callie had left her, taking Sofia to the other side of the country. Did Arizona still feel the same? Did Arizona still love her? For Callie she knew, despite everything Penny's fault was that she wasn't Arizona, and everything she did was measured against her. It hadn't been fair to Penny, and after several therapy sessions Callie could admit it. She still loved her ex-wife.

"Callie, Sofia," Amelia greeted, "the tube draining the bad stuff from Arizona's drain became kinked, we have straightened it out, she should be fine, I'll order a CT later to be safe".

"Mommy was shaking lots" Sofia cried,

"Uh huh, and I bet it looked really scary" Amelia sympathized, "but that's just her brains way of telling us something was wrong, but we fixed it now" she promised,

"Is mommy going to be, okay?" Sofia asked, Mamma had told her she was going to be, but this was a brain doctor.

"Mommy is going to be fine" Amelia promised, praying silently there were no more complications with Arizona's care. Sofia nodded believing Amelia, "what she does need is lots of get better kisses and amazing drawings to help her remember" Amelia lied, determinedly Sofia nodded, she could do that, she wiggled down from Callie's arms, bravely entering the ICU room, climbing onto the bed kissing Arizona's nose, she was going to kiss her forehead but there were a lot of bandages.

Deciding she'd been brave enough for one day, and seeing mommy this hurt was scary, she awkwardly turned to Callie,

"Mamma, can I go to day care and draw mommy some pictures please".

"Of course," Callie agreed, truthfully, she was pleased, she was traumatized seeing Arizona seize and could only imagine the impact it had had on Sofia. She easily lifted Sofia off the bed holding her close as they walked to day care, Callie needed the contact just as much as Sofia did.

Leaving Sofia at day care happily coloring Callie was on her way back when she bumped into Bailey,

"Bailey, I'm glad I caught you" Callie said, getting in the elevator with her,

"Torres, you have 30 seconds" Bailey offered not looking up from her iPad.

"I know you haven't filled the head of Ortho job, and I'm back in town, and I need a job, plus you know I'm an Ortho Goddess". Callie said with a lot more confidence than she felt, Bailey looked up from her iPad,

"The job is yours, but I want you to think about when you start, last time Arizona was hurt, you were distracted with Sloan and fixing Derek's hand, I know you have broken up, but I see the way you look at her, and the way she has moped around, she has never stopped loving you. She travelled across country after brain surgery to find you, that is not someone who has fallen out of love. She gave you her child to make you happy. You know I don't do personal problems, so I have one question when she goes home, she is going to need a lot of help. Are you that help, or are you my head of Ortho?" Bailey asked bluntly, the lift doors opened, and she walked out leaving a stunned Callie behind. She had never thought about Arizona's recovery like that. Derek had needed her, Mark had needed her, Arizona hadn't wanted her help, or had she? Had she felt neglected and hit out?

Callie returned to the ICU, nodding at the nurses as she sat by Arizona's bedside automatically reaching for her hand. Her mind reeling with what Bailey had said.

Bailey never did personal, so when she did people listened. Had Arizona really thought she was low down on Callie priority list, below Mark and Derek because that was the opposite of the truth. Arizona had always been her number 1, surely, she knew that.

But you were avoiding her, remember, a little voice in her head said. Callie sighed rubbing her forehead, that promise, to save her leg, even as she said the words, she knew she was lying, that without divine intervention the leg would have to go. Instead of talking to her, being honest she had avoided the conversation preferring to focus on problems that could be solved, like Derek's hand. As if saving the hand of a neurosurgical God would somehow save the leg of her wife.

Had Arizona felt that undervalued, was that the start of their problems, she knew she loved Arizona and if Bailey was right Arizona still loved her, was that enough. She wondered, did it matter, though, she was stubborn, and she had lost Arizona once, there was no way she was going to let that happen again, this separation might have been longer than a month, but it had proven what the shorter one had, they belonged together.

"Arizona, if you can hear me, I need you to wake up, please with your memories, I want to fix us, but to do that you need to remember everything, I know I messed up, and so did you, but I'm here, you came to get me, when you couldn't remember anything else you remembered I made you feel safe and I came, that should mean something," Callie said sincerely, gently stroking Arizona's strong slim fingers, lost in memories,

A groan drew her attention, she pressed the buzzer, standing up,

"Arizona, can you open your eyes?" Callie begged, and was rewarded with blue eyes staring at her, followed by a frown,

"Cal, Newwww ooorrkkk?" Arizona asked, Callie winced at the nickname, Cal? To Arizona she had always been Calliope so what was with the Cal? Was this just part of her speech, she was still slurring or was this permanent

"I was I moved back" Callie explained simply, "What do you remember last?" she asked. Arizona frowned, that was a good question,

"Daaaayyy?" Arizona asked,

"Saturday" Callie offered, Arizona sighed, confused, that didn't help, she remembered Callie and Sofia moving to New York, Alex getting into a fight with DeLuca, she remembered dating Eliza, and getting ghosted, and meeting a hot Italian doctor Carina, then it got fuzzy. The problem was she didn't want to admit to Callie the last things she could piece together were 2 incredibly beautiful women, neither measured up to her but still she knew Callie would be jealous.

"Arizona" Callie prompted.

"Fuzzz" Arizona explained, Callie nodded, she knew she always rushed things and was determined this time to go slower, she could tell Arizona was struggling with the memories, and guessed she was trying to piece together the bits.

"yyyyy?" Arizona asked confused, Callie guessed she was asking about why she here?

"You were attacked by a husband you hit your head" Callie explained, Arizona gently rubbed the dressing over where the wound was.

"Krrrsssyyy" she said, the name flashing into her mind, Callie's eyebrow's rose in silent question, Arizona sighed, although her thoughts were coming quicker her speech wasn't which was becoming frustrating, especially when there was so much, she wanted to talk to Callie about. "my pppptttt" she said

"Your patient you remember her, that's great" Callie complimented, as Arizona's brow furrowed again in thought,

"Yyyyyyy eeerree?" Arizona asked, confused, "Sffffaa" she asked, looking around for her daughter,

"You came and got me, I mean I was in the process of moving back but you appeared on my doorstep, Sofia is at day care, you had a seizure early and it scared her slightly, so she is making a get-well card," Callie explained, Arizona frowned again,

"ow?"

"That's what we wanted to know," Bailey and Amelia walked in having been alerted by the nurses Arizona was awake. "We had a major incident we returned to find you AWOL, you went to your old apartment, searched the NICU, the morgue, went to your house, and then ended up in New York" Bailey explained, Arizona bit her lip deep in thought, as Callie found herself fighting the urge to gently trace the lip.

Arizona shrugged having vague images of walking, drive, avoid airports, a kind woman, a lorry and a train, but knew she didn't have the words to explain,

"Ally, Sssssfffaa" she said, as if that explained everything, and in some way it did, she had done whatever she needed to in order to find Callie.

"All you were thinking about was your family, that's not uncommon with this type of brain injury, paranoia, and single-minded focus are normal, now we have relieved the swelling that should improve. We need to keep the drain in for another 4 days, and it will be at least a week before you can be discharged. I will ask our physio and speech therapist to come and work with you. You won't be able to drive, or operate for at least the next 6 months," Amelia said nervously, it was always hard to break that news to patients. Arizona nodded upset, her eyes watering, she was fiercely independent so not being able to drive or operate was going to be hugely difficult for her.

"You also can't go home alone, not for the first few weeks" Amelia added, figuring she might as well get all the bad news out at once. She watched as Arizona's face fell, for a second there was a brief longing glance aimed at Callie before a deep sigh.

There was no way she could ask Callie to help her, not again, not after the amount of pain it had caused last time, those words, suffocate, came back to haunt her.

She closed her eyes fighting tears, everything was so messed up, Callie was back, but why and for how long? What was worse, was that with her vocal ability, she couldn't even ask the questions that she wanted to ask.

"Arizona" she heard Callie ask, causing her heart to break, this was Callie's upset, uncertain tone, even when she desperately tried to do the right thing, she still hurt Callie. Why couldn't she do anything right. Instead of facing Callie she kept her eyes closed, trying to relax her breathing hoping Callie would think she was asleep.

Callie sat watching her ex fake sleep, she knew Arizona was finding it hard, she could see the questions in her eyes, and wished she knew what she was thinking. That was nothing new, Arizona had a terrible habit of burying her feelings, of being a good man in a storm and instead of just asking, would bend over backwards to accommodate others even if it broke her. It was sad, Callie had learnt so much about their relationship since breaking up with Arizona she wished she had known while they were married, events like Mark calling her nothing, why hadn't Arizona told her, they were meant to be a team. When she got out from her coma, they'd been best friends, but how, she had quizzed Bailey who had told her, but she didn't know.

Then there was the children argument, Arizona had been adamant she didn't want any, but had conceded to 10 to appease Callie, or taking Sofia to New York, she had 'compromised' or given in to make Callie happy. It was frustrating, beyond words, even Africa, Arizona had sacrificed her dream for Callie, sure it had taken a few weeks but still, she had come back and agreed to co-parent with Mark, for her, for Callie.

Was it too much to ask that Arizona could talk to her, even now, Arizona had travelled the country for her, and they still couldn't talk because her speech wasn't up to it. It was like the whole universe was conspiring against them. Still Callie was stubborn, and so was Arizona, they had loadve, and for the first time in a long time, Callie knew, that was going to be more than enough.

Ok Arizona has her memories but is still struggling to communicate, not that it was a strenght of theirs in the first place,

so will Arizona find the words? Will Callie actually hear them, not what she thinks Arizona has said.

And please, please, please if you are reading hit review, send me some love