When Sky walked into the English classroom, Hawk was already there. He was sitting in the back row, the seat next to him empty and waiting for Sky. He was wearing a bright yellow hoodie, the red of his mohawk was a sharp cry against the white wall behind him and everything in him was so fierce and beautiful to look at that it ripped Sky's heart out.
A shiver went through her spine, as she wrapped her arms around her body. The cast had finally come off yesterday, but it didn't make her feel any more confident or comfortable. Under Kat's old Children of Bodom T-shirt and a long-sleeved flannel, the arm was still thin and strengthless, just like everything else in her.
When Hawk looked up and their eyes met, Sky turned away. Looking at him hurt too much - it made her chest ache, it turned her legs weak. He wasn't hers anymore, he wasn't hers even to look at, and the pain that thought caused was almost enough to make her turn on her heels and run away.
Enough, enough already. I'm not here for him, am I?
Straightening her back she flipped her hair behind her shoulder and walked to the teacher's desk, where Ms. Hardinge was already organizing her papers and lesson plans.
"Ms Hardinge, can I have a word?"
Ms. Hardinge looked up from her papers and noticing Sky, she stood up. A warm smile lit up her beautiful, heart-shaped face. "Sky, you're back! How are you? And your arm— you finally got the cast off?"
"Yes, yesterday. And I'm fine, thank you, Ms," Sky replied, trying to force a smile on her face. "I'm just sorry I missed more school. I feel like I'm falling back on every subject."
"Don't worry about that. You're here now and that's what matters, we can talk about the things you missed later. Today, we're starting Shakespeare."
"Oh? Please, tell me we're reading Othello." Sky didn't have to fake her interest. She had loved Shakespeare since forever and read through the large, leather-covered volume of his complete works they had in the bookshelf, several times.
"Othello? Interesting. But I'm sorry to disappoint you - we're going to work on Macbeth this time," Ms. Hardinge replied with a smile and picked up the book from the desk to show the cover to Sky.
"Macbeth is alright. Anything as long as it's not Romeo and Juliet."
All things considered, Sky was pretty sure it wouldn't be the best idea to start reading a play where heartbroken teenagers commit suicides. It might have hit a bit too close to home.
"No, no Romeo and Juliet this year. But Sky, just let me know if there is something I can do to help you with your studies," Ms. Hardinge said, "I know this fall has been hard for you, and I want to help you any way I can."
Her throat tightening, Sky glanced at the back row, at Hawk who was still looking at her, his eyes wide and blue and full of unnamed emotion.
"Actually, there is one thing—" she said and turned her eyes back at Ms. Hardinge. "I… sitting in the back row isn't really working for me. I was wondering if we could change seats?"
"Oh," Ms Hardinge replied, clearly surprised. "I wasn't planning on making a new seating chart quite yet—"
"I understand, it's just… with my head injury it's really hard for me to concentrate, and—" that was a half-truth at best and Sky hated lying to one of her favorite teachers. But what was there to do? She couldn't tell the truth - she was pretty sure that Ms. Hardinge wouldn't grant her a new seat just because of some teenage break-up.
"Oh, okay. I see." A faint blush rose to Ms. Hardinge's cheeks at the mention of Sky's head injury. "Let me see what I can do, but today you'll have to sit in your old seat. I'll make a new seating chart as soon as I have time."
"Thank you, Ms." Sky managed a weak smile and turned to walk through the classroom.
Everyone else was already in their seats, and Sky felt all eyes on her as she made her way toward the back of the room. All fucking day had been like this - she knew now that everyone had heard the rumor about her in the janitor's closet, and as she walked through the crowded classroom the hushed comments and bursts of laughter followed her like a cloud of venom.
Her fingers were grabbing the straps of her backpack with a white-knuckle grip as she passed the table where some of her former teammates sat, wearing their Cobra Kai hoodies. Sky's gut clenched on a tight knot - in a heartbeat she remembered how those assholes had laughed at her that day a week ago when she had broken to pieces in the middle of the cafeteria.
She turned her eyes away and tried to pass them quickly, but Rickenberger grabbed her arm and stopped her.
"Sky, wanna meet me at lunch break?" He laughed with a cocky grin on his face. "I hear you love it in the janitor's closet."
Everyone around them burst into laughter and giggles. They cheered at Rickenberger's comment and someone nearby shouted "slut", masking the word as a cough.
Sky's cheeks flushed. She knew she should've snapped something smart back at Rickenberger, but her mind went blank, it was filled with the laughing and the repeating 'slut' comment and she couldn't stop the burning tears that filled her eyes.
"Aww, what's the matter?" Rickenberger mocked. "Can't wait for our date?"
The sounds of laughter all around Sky were digging away the floor under her feet, the walls were collapsing on her. She couldn't stay, she had to get out of her, now—
But her feet wouldn't move, she was frozen in her shame and terror, she was crumbling to pieces in front of the whole class—
"Quiet!" Came Ms. Hardinge's voice and it broke the spell that had glued Sky's feet to the ground. She yanked her arm free from Rickenberger's grip and drew in a sharp breath as she rushed to the back of the room as fast as she could. When she sank down in her seat, throwing the backpack at her feet, the tears were already on her cheeks.
"What on Earth is going on here?" Ms. Hardinge asked, wide-eyed and pale. She stood at the front of the class, glaring at the students, her clear, loud voice cutting over the noise and laughter.
Of course, no one answered, but little by little kids stopped laughing and silence fell to the room. Ms. Hardige was one of the rare teachers who had the gift of making that happen with just one look of her kind, chocolate-brown eyes. Now those eyes were burning, though, as she stared at the class in front of her.
"I will not have this kind of behavior in my classroom," she said calmly but very clearly. "I will not listen to this kind of language, or watch you insult each other. I expect better of you. If someone starts that again, I'm throwing all of you out of here."
Briefly, she glanced at Sky, but Sky evaded her eyes, and Ms. Hardinge seemed to read the gesture right. Not that Sky wasn't thankful for her stopping the slut shaming - she simply didn't want any more attention drawn to herself.
"Am I making myself clear?" Ms. Hardinge asked, turning her eyes to Rickenberger and Mitch, and then to the rest of the class. "This ends now."
The kids muttered something that wasn't quite a yes, but apparently, it was enough, for Ms. Hardinge let out a sigh, and her frown eased. "Good, because today we're diving into Shakespeare, and there is more than enough drama in there…."
As the teacher picked up Macbeth from her desk and continued talking, Sky let her soft voice drift through her mind like a lifeline back to the world where things still made sense. She breathed in and out, four counts in, six out, again and again, and again, but it wasn't really helping. Her arms were trembling as she kept hugging herself as if to keep her insides from falling out. Silent tears kept rolling down her cheeks, no matter how much she tried to suck them in.
"Here, take this," came Hawk's raspy, low voice.
Sky glanced at the white paper napkin he had slid on the table towards her, but didn't take it, didn't even turn to look at Hawk. Angrily she wiped off her tears with the back of her hand.
"Don't talk to me."
"Sky—" he started, but before he could say more, Sky turned her burning, tear-filled eyes to him, letting anger twist her features.
"This is your fault!" she hissed. "You did this! Never talk to me again."
He looked like Sky had slapped him. His eyes widened and his jaw went tight, but at least he didn't say more and Sky turned her attention back to Ms. Hardinge's voice. She opened her backpack and pulled out her notebook and her Hello Kitty pencil case, her hands still trembling slightly. By her side Hawk sat frozen, with rigid shoulders, staring at the table.
She didn't want his help, nor his pity or his stupid napkin. He must have heard what Rickenberger had said, but he had done nothing to stop it - just like that day in the cafeteria. His betrayal hurt more than the bullying, it was a dagger in her chest, a sharp blade that cut deeper and deeper with every beat of her heart.
And still, she was far from immune to his presence.
Everything about Hawk called to her like a siren song. She knew she'd crash and burn if she let herself fall for him again, but being this close to him was filling her mind with painful memories. Breathing in his familiar scent of cotton and boy with a hint of salt and steel felt like slowly carving out her heart with a rusty spoon. She would've given anything to go back in time, to unlive this past week, to be able to take Hawk's hand under the table right now and feel their fingers entwining, palms pressing together like they were sculpted for each other.
Everything between them had been a lie, but it had been the sweetest lie, and living without it was like living without the light of the sun. It was like slowly suffocating to death.
When maybe fifteen minutes had passed - it had felt like a year - Hawk silently slid a piece of paper to Sky over the table.
Sky glanced at Hawk. His eyes were huge and baby blue, so fucking beautiful that her heart jumped to her throat and got stuck there. He had a healing bruise on his cheek, she only now noticed, and even after everything she hated to see it, hated that she didn't know how he had gotten it.
"What?" she hissed under her breath.
He shrugged and looked down. His throat bobbed visibly when he swallowed, but he didn't say anything, just offered her the note, sliding it closer with his long, delicate fingers.
Sky hesitated for a heartbeat before she snatched the piece of paper and unfolded it.
I know I fucked up but can we please talk?
Her throat went tight, her chest ached, she could barely breathe.
"What do you want?" she asked, keeping her voice low, even if the room was now rather noisy as they were supposed to work in pairs. (Sky had finished the worksheet alone. Hawk hadn't objected.)
"What did Rickenberger say to you?" Hawk rasped, his voice low and broken.
"Come on, no way you didn't hear. Everyone heard."
"I had my earphones on."
So he really hadn't heard? Well, it didn't change anything. He had still seen how people laughed, he had known it was something bad, and what had he done?
Fucking nothing.
"Well, what do you think that he said?" Sky hissed, hiding her tears behind anger. "He asked me to meet him in the janitor's closet. Apparently, everyone now knows that's where I sell ass."
Hawk's jaw went tight, his fists clenched. "I'll fucking kill him. I swear I'll rip his head off."
"Leave it," Sky replied shortly. "I don't want your help."
"Sky—"
"Just don't—" her voice faltered, anger and grief choked her, the tears were back making her voice thick and wet. "You broke this. You broke us. You almost killed me! I don't need your help, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, I don't even want to be in the same room with you. Just leave me alone!"
His eyes widened, all color left his cheeks. For the shortest moment they just looked at each other, Sky fell into his eyes as if it was the first time they sat like this, just like that first day in the Chemistry classroom, almost exactly one year ago when she hadn't even known his name yet. His eyes were still the same, they took her breath away and the world around them didn't even exist anymore, it was as if the room full of kids disappeared. They were the only people in the world. They were Romeo and Juliet and this was a dark, warm night in Verona, their eyes met over the crowd in the masked ball in the great hall for the Capulet, and Juliet had never seen a boy more beautiful, Romeo forgot all except Juliet's smile and it was love at the first sight, it was that kind of love that could burn down cities, that kind of love that could only end in death.
Sky forced herself to break eye contact. She was breathless, high-headed, she was going to be sick.
"Please," she sighed. "Just, please, let me go."
He nodded, swallowed hard and looked down.
For the rest of the class, he didn't bother her.
Ah - Shakespeare! I've loved his work since forever too.