Sybbie awoke with a start, her face soaked with tears. She was disorientated and looked around, her eyes falling on her aunt and uncle who she was laying between. She choked back a sob, remembering the conversation that she'd had with them only mere hours before. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was only 4:00am. She really needed to try and get some rest.
She buried her face into her aunt's chest and closed her eyes tightly, willing away the images that haunted her dreams. The feeling of that monster inside her, the way he'd slapped, bit and choked her. The words he'd used, how much he'd hurt her. The betrayal. Listening to her aunt's heartbeat soon made her relax and she drifted back off to sleep.
Matthew awoke to the sound of Anna entering the room, he glanced at the clock and groaned slightly, 7:30am. He'd never get used to this. He looked to his right and saw his niece and his wife laying in the bed, he smiled ever so slightly in spite of himself. He gently stroked Sybbie's hair and laid a kiss to his sleeping wife's cheek.
"Good morning, Mr Crawley" Anna said quietly, opening the curtains to let in some natural light. Matthew swung himself out of bed, yawning slightly and slipped on his dressing gown.
"Good morning, Anna. Please could you send up some tea? We really don't want to be disturbed today," He gestured to his sleeping wife and Sybbie.
Anna gawked slightly at the sight of Sybbie sleeping in the bed with them, she hadn't noticed the girl at all and knew something must be wrong for her to be sleeping in with them. She smiled ever so slightly.
"Of course, Mr Crawley. I'll have it sent up by 8:00, unless that's too early?"
"No, that will be fine. Thank you," he smiled politely as he watched his wife's maid scurry out of the room.
It was now 8:30am and the tea had not long been brought up, Matthew had just emerged from the bathroom. He was washed, dressed and clean shaven, he felt a lot better. He began to pour tea into his cup when he heard a blood curdling scream. He turned round to see Sybbie, thrashing in the bed. Mary awoke with a start, trying to calm the girl down.
"No! Stop please, I won't tell please. Please, just let me go! I won't tell... I won't tell please!" Sybbie thrashed in her sleep, her screams and sobs of fear were like a knife through both of their hearts.
Matthew placed his cup down and approached the thrashing child, placing his large hand on top of her head and stroked her hair, hoping in someway to calm her down. It was no use.
"Stop! Please... you're hurting me. I won't tell anyone just please let me go! Papa! I want my papa..." her sobs and cries for her papa were like a knife through his heart, he looked at Mary and shook his head. They needed to wake her up and fast.
"Sybbie, darling. It's Aunt Mary... you're safe. You're at home with Uncle Matthew and I... wake up darling, we're right here. You're safe" She repeated, over and over again. Sybbie shot up out of bed, once again disorientated and unable to recognise her surroundings.
"Papa!" She sobbed brokenly, searching around for him. Matthew put his hand on her cheek, soothingly wiping away her tears of distress.
"It's Uncle Matthew, sweetheart. You're ok shhhh. Hush now, you're safe. Shhhh..." He picked her up and sat her on his lap, slowly rocking her in his arms. He kept her cradled in his arms, letting her cry and cling to him.
"I want papa, please Aunt Mary.. Uncle Matthew!" Sybbie hugged Matthew tight, slowly coming around to where she was and who was with her. She just wanted her papa.
"I know my darling girl... I know. Your papa is always here with you, he'd be so proud of you. Just like I am and your Aunt Mary is." His eyes welled with tears at her distress, he kept her close to him and wiped her tears with his thumb. Mary reached out and wiped Matthew's tears, the love she had for him growing so much every day, he was so kind and gentle to everyone around him. So unlike most men of their generation.
Sybbie's sobs and wails turned to hiccups, she hid her face in Matthew's chest. She was embarrassed by her outburst and her inability to control it. He rubbed her back and continued to rock her, Mary settled to pouring them all tea. She added a fair amount of sugar to each cup, in the hope that it would settle all of their nerves.
"Here you go darling," Mary spoke soothingly, handing Sybbie a cup to drink from. She accepted it gratefully, taking small sips. Her breathing slowly returning to normal.
"Thank you Aunt Mary," She gulped some more down and held the cup out to Mary, she wanted some more. Mary laughed slightly, refilling the girl's cup again and handing it back to her. Sybbie drank a little more before laying her head back on Matthew's chest, she clung to his shirt. She gripped on tight to him, she felt safe here. Like nothing could hurt her as long as they were there.
Once they'd all had some tea and toast, Mary sat Sybbie in between them both again. She pondered over her words, not wanting to upset her niece but she knew they had to have this conversation, as painful as it was. Mary took a deep breath.
"Sybbie.. could you tell us more about your dream? It might help if you talk to us about it," She took the girl's hand in hers, rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand.
"I don't know whether I can, it's so scary. I feel like if I say something then he will come back... I don't want him to ever come back," She let out a strangled sob, her face paling all over again. Mary mentally kicked herself. Of course this was going to traumatise the poor girl, how could she have been so tactless?
"I know you're scared and it's ok to be scared. You've been through something so horrific darling, but we won't let them hurt you. You're safe," Matthew reiterated again with so much love and patience that it reminded her of her papa. She let out a broken sob and clung to her Aunt's hand.
"The dreams I have aren't always the same," She began. Slowly feeling more encouragement to keep going when she looked at her aunt and uncle who were holding onto her hand, giving her their full attention.
"They start off quite similar, in that we are walking along the fields near the house. But then he pushes me down and he does things to me, to my body. Things that really hurt," She let out a sob and Matthew growled protectively. He handed her a soft handkerchief, which she accepted gratefully. She dabbed at her eyes.
"Then, this is where it varies... sometimes in my dream he hits me while he is doing those things to my body, sometimes he taunts me and says how much you will both hate me and that's why I can't tell you and other times he tells me how much my mama and papa hate me. I sometimes feel like maybe I did something wrong, that maybe I let him think that I wanted it," she trembled and took a deep breath, hugging herself protectively.
Mary felt sick, this was a similar feeling to how she felt when Pamuk did what he did to her, that she'd done something to lead him on. She gently stroked her niece's hair, feeling even more protective when Sybbie leaned into her; soaking up the comfort she was offering.
"This was not your fault! No matter what he said, no matter what happened before, no means no. You said no, he didn't listen. That is rape, you are not to blame for any of it. You clearly trusted this person, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have gone to the field with him?" Mary said, running her hand through Sybbie's long curls.
"That's right Aunt Mary.. I never thought that he could betray me like this. He was supposed to be my friend, I don't understand. He hurt me so much," she hiccuped. She couldn't tell them who had done it, not yet. It was too painful for her to even say his name.
Matthew grit his teeth, clenching his fists he wanted to punch the wall. It would've been bad enough if a stranger had done this but to know that it was someone who his niece trusted, to know that they probably knew this person made him feel sick to his stomach. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, he looked at his two girls. He felt so much love in his heart for them.
"Your Aunt Mary is right, he took advantage of you terribly. He took something from you that he had no right to take, I am so sorry darling. He had no right to hurt you," he kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around both Mary and Sybbie. They both hugged their niece tight, protecting her from the outside world.
"It's why I wouldn't let Anna dress me or see me," She blurted out, taking them both by surprise.
"What do you mean?" Matthew said, looking slightly bewildered. Mary however knew exactly what she meant, her eyes widened in horror.
"You didn't want her to see what he'd done to you... you were so badly hurt. That's why you were limping that day at breakfast and why you looked so ill..." Mary whispered, her face paling with realisation. Their niece had been brutally attacked and they hadn't noticed.
"I didn't want you to know, I was so ashamed and embarrassed by it. I hid it well, with the dresses I wore. But every time I walked, sat down, had a bath it hurt," Sybbie quivered. Matthew growled all over again, the images he had in his mind were playing over and over again.
"I want to kill him. Whoever did this to you, I want to kill him." Matthew's voice trembled, he was so angry. He felt anger that he didn't know he possessed when he looked at how broken she was.
Sybbie cuddled into his chest, he reminded her so much of papa that she didn't want to let him go. Matthew sensed this, he hugged her tight and kissed her forehead, "My brave girl..." he whispered, soothingly stroking her hair. He smiled a little when he heard her content sigh and felt her snuggle more into his chest.
A few hours later, Sybbie emerged from the bathroom. She was dressed in a blue dress, her wet hair framed her face. Mary smiled, she looked so much like Sybil. It was uncanny really, she could've been her twin.
"Would you like me to braid your hair? I used to braid your mama's when she was younger," Mary said softly, picking up a hairbrush from her desk.
Sybbie's eyes lit up slightly, she nodded her head a little and sat down on the chair in front of the mirror, "Yes please. Can you tell me about mama?"
Mary nodded and slowly ran the brush through her niece's hair, going gently through the knots. Gently getting them out, one knot at a time.
"Where do I begin? Your mama was kind, thoughtful and brave. She always stood up for what was right. Did you know that she actually helped one of the maid's get a job as a secretary? She leant her one of her dresses, went with her on the horse and cart which then got stuck in mud and they got filthy. They were gone for hours! Your donk wasn't best pleased, I can assure you of that," Mary giggled slightly as she continued brushing Sybbie's hair.
Sybbie giggled slightly, "Then what happened Aunt Mary?" She said, listening to her aunt's every word. Matthew smiled as his wife spoke, he missed Sybil so much. She was so ahead of her time.
"Well, unfortunately that interview didn't work out but they didn't give up. One day, a man came to install telephones in the house. It turned out he was looking for a secretary, Gwen - that was the name of the maid your mama was helping, had already applied but he didn't want to hire her without experience. Your mama explained to him that she was a maid and that was why she'd not put her qualifications down. She made him wait while she fetched her, then let him interview her in the library. She ended up getting the job," Mary said softly, separating the young girl's hair into 3 equal parts.
Sybbie was enthralled, she loved hearing stories of her mama. It made her feel closer to her in someways, that she wasn't just a figment of her imagination. She thought for a moment, "Have you got anymore stories Aunt Mary?"
"Mary, what about that time when Sybil ordered her first outfit and showed it off in the drawing room," Matthew said with a giggle. Mary let out an uncharacteristically loud laugh as she thought back to that very day, laughing so much that her sides were near to splitting.
"So, your grandmama had said to your mama that she could order whatever she wanted to wear for a party. Your mama kept it very secret, which was unlike her at all. So, your grandmama had invited your Uncle Matthew, Granny Violet and Granny Isobel over to the house for tea in the drawing room. Everyone was here including your Aunt Edith and I but there was no sign of your mother. She was so late, then suddenly she burst into the drawing room wearing a bright blue dress with really nice patterns across the top, a blue sequinned tiara and the most pretty gloves," Mary slowly braided the young girl's hair, her mouth quivering into a smile.
"We were all in shock of course, your grandmama and donk nearly fainted! As for Granny Violet well..." She was cut off by Sybbie giggling, she could imagine exactly what her reaction was.
"Your Uncle Matthew was laughing hysterically behind his napkin which then made me laugh, he was always encouraging your mama to behave the way she wanted to, your mama was so far ahead of her time, she looked wonderful that day and she was so happy," Mary said wistfully as she finished braiding her hair, fastening it with a blue pretty ribbon.
Sybbie and Matthew were both giggling by the end of it, "I really wish I'd known her. She sounds great," Sybbie said softly and sighed.
Matthew hugged the little girl tight, "Your mama would've loved you so much and would've been so proud of the young lady you've grown into," he smiled softly seeing her brighten up a little and he glanced over at Mary, they'd made her feel a little better and that was a start.
It was around tea time when it all came crashing down again, they'd decided to have some sandwiches and soup in the drawing room. After the stories she'd heard of her mama, she wanted to eat in there. Matthew and Mary were so glad that she was eating at all that they had agreed instantly. They had just finished some tomato soup and cheese sandwiches when they heard the door open and Carson step in.
"Lady Mary, Mr Crawley may I present Master William," he said in his usual monotone voice. Sybbie's head shot up, as she looked at her once closest friend. She felt sick and nearly passed out.
"Get him out!" She screamed, backing away from him. She trembled, her heart was racing at 100 miles a minute, she crumpled on the floor.
Mary rushed to her niece's side, picking her up and standing so that Sybbie wasn't facing him. The minute Sybbie was in Mary's arms, she sobbed more and clung to her neck burrowing into her shoulder.
"What is it darling? Tell us, please tell us!" Mary bounced her gently trying to soothe her loud sobs, Sybbie hid her face in Mary's shoulder.
"I can't... no, get him out! Make him leave, I don't want him here!" Sybbie wept, Matthew was already well ahead of everyone else in the room. He stormed over to him, grabbing him by his shirt and pushing him against the wall. His smug smile making him want to punch him right there and then.
"What did you do to her? What the hell have you done to her you bastard!" He snarled, grabbing him harder by his shirt nearly ripping it.