Sky woke up in a bed that wasn't hers.

Panic engulfed her immediately, the paralyzing fear that somehow this was Matt's home, the living room couch, that somehow she'd been drawn back there through a wormhole in time, and it was all happening again—

She gasped for air and opened her eyes.

It wasn't any couch. She was in a large bed in a simple bedroom, the sheets were soft and smelled like cotton and fabric softener. Clear sunlight entered the room through thin, white curtains—

And she wasn't naked, there was no pain between her legs. She was still wearing her clothes, the same jeans, and the T-shirt she'd worn yesterday, the panties and her bra, and even socks. Only the hoodie was missing, and with it came the memory of hands peeling it off her body, someone's weight on the bed next to her.

She sat up, clutching her chest as she drew in a sharp, trembling breath, then another—

"Relax," said a voice, and Sky turned to look. "I didn't touch you."

There was a boy standing in the doorway, holding a cup of coffee in his hands. A shirtless boy. With a very toned upper body - a fact that Sky couldn't help but notice. The collarbones and hip bones were so sharp they looked like someone had sculpted them from marble, but the sharpness of those straight lines was smoothed by firm muscle and soft skin. His jeans hang low, partly revealing the waistband of his Armani underwear and a dark trail of hair that led downwards from his belly button.

Despite herself, Sky felt a blush creeping up on her cheeks.

She cleared her throat, forcing her eyes up. "Where is my hoodie?"

The boy pointed at a plastic trash bag on the floor near the door. "It had puke all over it. Didn't want that in my bed, so I took it off you."

"Is this… your home?" Sky asked, glancing around the room. The bedroom wasn't big, and it had a very minimalistic, Scandinavian decor. There was a desk by the wall, but apart from that, a bookshelf and the bed, there was barely any furniture. The large windows reached from the ceiling to the floor.

"Yeah," the boy replied and walked into the room, leaving the door open behind him. "Do you remember how you got here?"

Sky shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. She tasted vomit and blood in her mouth, her mind was still cloudy, the memories were running away from her.

Cody.

The boy was named Cody, and she had come here to buy drugs–

"Where… where did you sleep?" she asked, frowning. He had said he hadn't touched her, but Hell, he had admitted removing her hoodie and suddenly Sky remembered that this creep had tried to blackmail her into sucking him off last night.

And the worst part was that she had almost agreed.

"On the floor," Cody nodded towards a blanket and some pillows that lay on the floor. "Also, I just lied to your Dad."

Sky frowned. This conversation was moving faster than her drug-clouded brain could follow.

"My Dad?"

"He kept calling so I picked up. Apparently, we're still at Demetri's - I don't even know who the fuck he is, but anyways - and you're skipping school today because you've got a migraine."

Demetri.

Hearing his name, suddenly brought everything back. Sky remembered the hospital, Demetri's arm—

The pain was sudden and blinding. It hit her like a brick wall, she couldn't help a sob as tears filled her eyes and fell to her cheeks.

Hawk had broken Demetri's arm. And then—

And then he had broken her, broken so that she would never be whole again. Her heart was missing, and there was only an aching hole in the middle of her chest, filled with pain she had no way of dealing with.

Except for the drugs.

She noticed the familiar pill bottle on the nightstand, next to a pile of books - Anna Karenina, A Little Life, Complete works of Shakespeare - the small vial filled with sweetest oblivion. Without hesitation, she snatched it with shaking hands, opened it, and was just about to pour pills onto her palm when Cody gripped her wrist and stopped her.

"No fucking way are you starting that again in my home," he groaned, and took the bottle from Sky, stuffing it in the pocket of his low-hanging jeans.

"Asshole! It's mine—" Sky protested. "Give it back!"

"Oh, you'll have it back as soon as you get out of here."

Fair enough. Sulkingly, Sky pushed off the covers and climbed off the bed, found her sneakers next to it, and stepped on them. Her backpack was nowhere to be seen - maybe she had left it in the car? She had no fucking idea where her car was, though, but she recognized her car keys on the desk, grabbed them, and pushed them into her pocket.

"Where's my car?" she asked, turning to face Cody, who was leaning on the wall, his arms crossed over his bare chest.

"Parked at the cul de sac."

Sky had no idea how her car had ended up there, which was disturbing. She got the feeling Cody had something to do with it, though, but she wasn't going to ask. The sooner she was out of here, the better.

She cleared her throat, holding out her hand to Cody. "I'm leaving."

Cody let out a sigh but dropped the pill bottle on her palm without further argument, and Sky pushed it into the pocket of her jeans, resisting the urge to open it right away. She was standing so close to him, that she could smell the spicy scent of his aftershave in the air around them, and it brought back some hazy images from last night or a dream, of her head rolling against Cody's shoulder, rough denim fabric against her cheek.

"Thanks," Sky said, and took a step back, then another. "I'd better get going—"

"Wait–" Cody said, and looked up. His hazel eyes met hers. "Do you… do you remember anything about last night?"

Sky shook her head. She only remembered Demetri and Hawk, and then…. coming here. She remembered Cody asking if she'd suck his dick for drugs, and then having a meltdown about it. But after that, everything was a blur.

"Look, it might be a good idea to clear that head a bit before you start driving," Cody said, matter of factly. "You want a cup of coffee?"

"What about your family? Won't they mind?"

"Hey, it's afternoon already. My parents are at work, and David and Leigh are in school. The house is empty."

School.

"Shit," Sky muttered, suddenly realizing that it wasn't a weekend, that everything that had happened had not magically erased things like her everyday life and duties. "I forgot about school. Why… why aren't you there?"

Cody let out a dry laugh, his lips curled into a smile.

"Well, I couldn't leave some random crackhead alone in here, could I? You could have stolen the silverware"

Sky resisted the urge to punch him. "Asshole. But yeah, coffee sounds good."

"Right, follow me," Cody replied, picked up a T-shirt from a chair and pulled it on as he walked out of the room.

The kitchen was just as minimalistic as Cody's bedroom, all white and steel and pale wooden floors. Sky glanced around as she took a seat at the breakfast table, and noticed the complete lack of everyday items such as children's drawings on the cupboard doors, dirty dishes in the sink, and such. Everything looked super stylish and expensive, but this place felt like a hotel instead of a home, and it gave Sky the chills.

Cody walked to the coffee maker, where there already was a half-full pot of coffee. The scent filled the kitchen, rich, strong, aromatic. Sky watched as Cody opened a cupboard and picked a mug, noticing how his T-shirt hung loosely on his frame, hiding the lean muscle underneath, making him look slender and more boyish. He hadn't put on any socks or shoes, but walked barefoot - his feet were large for his height, just like his beautiful, long-fingered hands.

Suddenly Sky had the feeling she had said something about those hands last night. Something embarrassing. Her cheeks heated, as the memory teased her, circling at the edges of her consciousness—

"That Demetri tried to call you—" Cody spoke, pouring coffee into a large mug, and Sky snapped out of the haze of her thoughts. "Cream or sugar?"

"Both."

"—and also someone named Miguel. I didn't pick up."

Miguel? Sky hadn't seen him in over a week. Since her breakup with Hawk, she hadn't wanted to meet anyone, let alone Miguel who was Hawk's best friend. Why on Earth would Miggy be calling her today of all days? Had he heard about Demetri's arm, about what Hawk had done—?

"Yeah, okay," she said absentmindedly. "Thanks."

"You sure have a lot of guys in your life."

Sky felt like Cody had slapped him. His notion brought back all the crap she didn't want to think about, all the disgusting things she just wanted to forget.

"And what's that supposed to mean? You think they all pay me for sex?"

Cody's shoulder's stiffened, then he slowly turned around to face her, the coffee mug in his hands.

"Shit, I'm sorry. That… came out all wrong."

"Not everyone thinks I'm a whore, you know. I do have some actual friends." Sky muttered, blinking furiously to keep away the tears, the angry, tired, frustrated tears that threatened to choke her.

"Look—" Cody said silently, placing the mug on the table and sliding it towards her. Sky did nothing to take it. "What I said to you yesterday— just… just forget it, okay? I was being a total dick, and I never should have assumed—"

"You're right. You were. But if you knew that was a dick thing to say, then why the fuck did you?"

Cody looked embarrassed and annoyed. There were bright red spots on his high cheekbones, his throat bobbed visibly when he swallowed.

"Well what do you think? You're hot, I'd heard the rumors— and… and I'd had a really shitty day. I needed to get off."

"Next time you need to get off, you pick up your damn phone and watch porn." Sky muttered. "It's not that hard."

"Jeez, thanks for the tip - I know how that works."

Cody sounded a bit bitter, and his cheeks were still red, all the way to his big ears. Sky picked up her mug, to get something else to think about, breathed in the rich scent of freshly ground coffee, and took a sip, but her heart was still heavy, her chest had a weight on it and coffee tasted sour on her lips.

"What do they say?" She asked, after a short, awkward silence. "The rumors?"

"Shit—" Cody muttered, sounding - if possible - even more awkward than before - or maybe he was annoyed? It was hard to tell. "You want— you want me to tell you what they're saying?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I know they call me slut and stuff, but—" She shrugged, kept her eyes on the coffee, her trembling fingers around the warm mug. "But I need to know what else."

"For fuck's sake, Sky—" Cody groaned. "What does it matter what they say? If it's not true, it's not true and who cares about the rest?"

"Easy for you to say!" Sky raised her eyes to Cody's face. "You're not the one mistaken for a hooker."

Cody ran a hand through his messy, dark hair and let out a frustrated sigh. He leaned his back on the wall and glanced at Sky, stuffing his hands into the pockets of those low-hanging jeans.

"Jesus— I… I heard that you let guys fuck you in the janitor's closet." he spoke, reluctantly as if the words tasted bad on his tongue. "And that you suck like a pro. That's it."

Sky wrapped her arms around her body. She felt like she could be sick, the scent of coffee was making her nauseous, and the words Cody had spoken lay heavy in the room between them, sucking the oxygen out of the air.

"It wasn't like that at all. It was one time, and it was my boyfriend—" tears fell to her cheeks and angrily she wiped them away. "But he— he couldn't keep his stupid mouth shut, and now—"

She didn't finish that sentence, and neither did Cody, which was good. Sky fell into the silence, letting it engulf her whole. She didn't want to hear anything Cody had to say. Yeah, she had asked him to tell, but now—

Now she felt dirty. She felt broken. She felt the same as that morning when she had woken up on Matt's couch, naked and cold and scared.

How could she ever go to school again?

It wasn't just Hawk's idiot friends who talked this shit about her now. It was the whole fucking school if guys like Cody had heard about it too.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," Cody said after a short while.

Sky shook her head and wiped her tears. Crying would change nothing, what was done was done.

"Where's my phone?" she asked, to get something else to think about - anything but the things that Hawk had said about her, the rumor, the things he had yelled at her face last night, but those words kept eating at her heart and she couldn't push them away.

"Right, I forgot it upstairs. Just wait a sec—"

Cody disappeared to the stairs, probably relieved that he got to go away from her, from her tears and her moods, and her annoying questions. If only she could escape herself as easily, but—

— but she could. She now had the way out.

Sky watched Cody go, and as soon as he was out of sight, she pulled the pill bottle from her pocket and quickly swallowed one of the small, round tablets, flushing it down with coffee. The bottle was back in her pocket by the time Cody returned to the kitchen, holding Sky's phone in his hand.

"Thanks," Sky said, and as he placed the phone on her palm, his fingers briefly brushed her skin, they were warm against her cold hand.

That short contact made Sky suddenly uneasy, and even if Cody had already pulled away his hand and gone to pour himself another cup of coffee, Sky still felt the touch of his fingers. It wasn't exactly a memory, but she had a feeling she knew how those hands felt on her shoulder, on her thigh, when he picked her up and held her against his chest. She remembered the full moon on the vast, black canvas over her, the stars, the feeling that she was rising up towards the sky as she died.

She didn't know which was more disturbing - the lack of memories, or these hazy bits she got. With a frown, Sky turned her attention to the phone in her hands, clicked on the Whatsapp icon, and—

Without even realizing it, she had opened her conversation with Hawk.

Rickenberger won't be bothering you again

His last text to her, the one she had read in the school a couple of days ago, holding the phone in her trembling fingers, hoping against all hope that it meant Hawk still loved her, that he still cared about her, that he was sorry—

But it hadn't meant anything.

The things he had said last night had erased every other action or spoken word, and now Sky knew where they stood. She had been his whore and nothing more, and if she needed any more proof of that, the silence of their Whatsapp chain spoke louder than a thousand words.

There was no apology, nothing.

His words had almost killed her, and he didn't even care enough to say that he was sorry.

Tears in her eyes, Sky moved to the next conversation, and read the message Moon had sent to her about an hour ago.

Moon: why aren't you in school?

is everything alright? ❤️

Sky let out a sigh and leaned her elbows on the table, trying to figure out how to answer that question.

Sky: I'm fine, just a migraine

don't worry

She hated lying to Moon, who was one of her dearest friends, but there was no way in Hell she could tell her the truth. Smoking pot was one thing - Moon did it all the time, she said it made her more spiritual and opened her chakras - but if she found out that Sky was messing with pills, she would freak out and sooner or later someone would tell Dad—

Speaking about Dad. Sky let out a silent curse, noticing that he had sent a dozen texts and called as many times. She could practically hear his voice in her ears as she read the latest one.

Dad: Sky, call me when you get this.

I am worried sick.

She felt a pang of guilt in her heart and quickly typed a reply.

Sky: I'm sorryyy! ? ﾟﾘﾭ?

fell asleep at Demetri's and I have a huge headache now for staying up so long

sorry I made you worried ?

I'm fine I promise

heading home in a bit

Dad's reply came almost immediately.

Dad: Who is Cody?

And why did he answer your phone when I called?

Sky glanced at the boy who was silently drinking his coffee, leaning on the kitchen counter. The blush had disappeared from his cheeks and he was pale, there were dark shadows under his eyes. For someone who lived in the Valley, he had incredibly pale skin - either he didn't go out much or then he simply was one of those people who didn't get tanned. He glanced at her with a frown, which Sky couldn't interpret at all. Did he realize she'd taken drugs while he'd been upstairs? Sky wasn't sure, but something in the way he was looking at her, made her uneasy.

She turned her attention back to her phone and wrote a quick reply to Dad's message.

Sky: he's a friend of Moon's

I don't really know him that well

let's talk when I get home

Love you!

"Texting your Dad?" Cody asked, and took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah…." Sky muttered and pushed the phone into the pocket of her jeans. She'd deal with the rest of the texts and calls later. "What exactly did you tell him?"

"As little as possible. He asked who I was, and I told him I was your friend. He asked if we were still at Demetri's and I said yes. That's about it."

"Thanks," Sky replied, a bit reluctantly. "For lying for me."

"That's okay," Cody said, his face still serious, but his voice was soft, softer than Sky had ever heard it before. He turned his eyes down, to his hands that were holding the coffee mug. He looked like he was about to say something, the muscles on his jawline worked as he swallowed.

"I know it's not my place to say–" he started. "I mean— I barely know you. And also, I understand that you don't particularly like me after yesterday... But… you seem to have a lot of friends and a Dad who cares about you. And those are not small things. Maybe you shouldn't throw them away by doing shit like this."

Sky's jaw dropped. Whatever she had expected Cody to say, it sure wasn't this.

"You're telling me not to do drugs?" she asked. "You… you're a drug dealer!"

"Sky, you told me last night you wanted to kill yourself," Cody said silently. "What the fuck am I supposed to do after that, huh? Am I supposed to just sell stuff to you and pretend that never happened? Jesus—"

Sky's cheeks heated. She had no memory of telling Cody any of that - but it did sound about right. She had wanted to kill herself, that much she remembered. But if she had told him that, then what else had she told him? Had she told him about Hawk? About her love for him that still made her heart ache? About all the things Hawk had yelled at her face? Had she told him that even her boyfriend whom she had loved more than anything, had wanted nothing but her pussy—

And why was she so angry and hurt that Cody had wanted the same thing? He was just a guy, and all the guys were the same.

That thought hurt, it hurt more than she could take. She was suffocating in this stylish, sterile kitchen, she needed to get out, she needed more drugs, she didn't want to feel this pain, this shame, she didn't want to feel anything.

"Well I didn't," she breathed, barely able to force the words out of her mouth. "I didn't kill myself. So yeah, I need you to do just that - to pretend it never happened, and keep on selling me drugs."

"Sky—"

"You promised me the other half of the bottle," She said, standing up so fast that she almost knocked over her cup of coffee. "Don't you dare to break that deal. I need— I fucking need that stuff."

The softness had disappeared from Cody's eyes, they were now distant and cold again when he tilted up his chin and looked at her.

"Fine," he said calmly. "As you wish."

Sky left without finishing her coffee. It wasn't until on her way home, that she realized she had forgotten the bag with her hoodie in Cody's room.

What a special day - 1 year anniversary of this fic! Can't believe I'm still writing this nonesense, 151 chapters later.