(Juan)
My father asked for a family meeting because he had an announcement of the highest importance to make. My old man was one of those people who didn't like to bother anyone, and he didn't even care about taking the children under his wing, unlike my mother, who was much more attached. So every time he said "I have an important announcement", it's good to pay attention.
It's been like this ever since: if my dad had an announcement that was important enough, he didn't hesitate to get everyone together to say it all at once. Yes, he knew what a telephone was, but it's like he used to say: "there are things you have to say looking you in the eye." Hiram and I took the road to Lima. We had a great honeymoon, our newlywed life was basically the same as before, only with more sex, and honestly I couldn't explain a rational reason for this upgrade. It was purely psychological, as we lived in the same apartment, had the same job, the same salary, the same responsibilities as before. The fact that we had a symbolic ceremony attended by my family and friends, as well as a party, really put a new energy in us.
My parents lived in the rural part of town, across from Lima Heights Adjacent, which was the black, Latino, blue-collar neighborhood and therefore the most humble in the city. Lima is a small city, with 37,000 people and not even close to having the problems of a big city. There were two attractions in the city. The first was the industrial park and refineries that employed a good part of the city. The other one was the small OSU campus and office, where my father started teaching as a visiting professor in the department of education. That's why we went to live in this city. The following year, my father was hired by Rhodes State College, but he continued to do research partnerships with colleagues at OSU.
My sisters and I went to Perry High, which was literally outside of Lima, in the rural area of the city. It was a small school, which operated in the same complex of elementary, middle and high school buildings. But Perry had a big difference: the best football team in town, five times state champions, two of which I was on the team. This in a city that had a tradition of training baseball players. I remember that our football stadium was the biggest and most structured in the city, because all the sponsorship money that the school received basically went to the football team. Soon, the best athletes from Lima and the surrounding villages were flocking to Perry to become a Spartan. No other school in Lima could compete with us in sports, so they had programs aimed at other areas. The country club rich kids who went to the small but rich Carmel High were burghers wrapped up in a keen arts program. And there was McKinley High… basically a warehouse for people who couldn't get into Carmel or Perry. Sometimes I couldn't believe that myself, a doctor, couldn't put certain school rivalries behind me. It was the effect of being in Lima.
As I passed through Lima, I couldn't help but smile in the corner of my face. I have to admit that I had good memories there as one of the city's hero athletes. My parents thought it wasn't that cool to collect newspaper clippings, but Rosa did it anyway. She had a little folder from when I was state champion during my junior and senior years. I remember going to a restaurant with my family to celebrate my first state win, and we ate for free for the whole month, to give you an idea of how much the city loved our team. Good times.
I drove to my parents' house, where I spent part of my childhood and my entire adolescence. It was where I adapted to a new country and learned to speak English. The house was there, painted blue, with the half-open garage where my father's old car used to be: the first and only one he had when he arrived in the United States. It had a big backyard, with a vegetable garden that my mother lovingly cared for. I found my mother in the backyard picking mint to make tea. Hiram immediately went to help her, and even checked out the garden. He was a botanist, but he could have been an excellent farmer.
Pedro and Maria arrived. My older sister already had two adorable kids. Julio was the oldest oneand most restless, while Daniela was a very cute baby, who looked a lot like her mother. I had to say this: Maria was a religious woman with old ideas, but she was a beautiful woman who could have had a modeling career when she was younger.
"Rosita advirtió que no vendrá. No pudo dejar la universidad debido a los exámenes". My father warned when we all sat down at the table to eat and have our conversations.
"Era de esperar. Ya ha hecho mucho para pasar una semana con nosotros en Cleveland". I smiled at my husband and held his hand. Hiram would be lost in the middle of the Lopez conversation. Patience. Later I would situate him with all the details.
"Entonces, papá, ¿cuál es el gran anuncio, para que Juan deje el hospital en Cleveland?" Maria asked as she bottle-fed Daniela.
"No hay una manera fácil de decirlo, pero te llamé aquí porque tenemos que ocuparnos de mi voluntad ". I frowned. What the hell did old Ernesto want to discuss about a will? I didn't even know he wanted to make one.
""Papá, ¿no crees que esto es demasiado pronto?" Maria argued and took the words right out of my mouth.
" Hice algunas pruebas estos días, y el doctor ..." My father paused and was encouraged by my mother. "Me diagnosticaron cáncer de cerebro. Es inoperable".
"¿Qué? Eso no puede ser correcto. Necesita ir tras otro especialista. En Cleveland tenemos al Dr. Greene, que es un neurocirujano extremadamente capaz. Él puede evaluar su caso
"Juan!" My father cut me. "Tengo una enfermedad grave. Ya sea curable o no, podemos discutirlo más tarde. Ahora necesito arreglar las cosas entre ustedes".
"Hernesto y yo hablamos mucho. Incluso pensamos en volver a Santiago, pero decidimos vender lo que tenemos en Chile y dividir todo entre ustedes dos y Rosa". My mother explained. "Llevamos tanto tiempo en esta ciudad y somos viejos. No creo que nos volvamos a adaptar a la locura de Santiago. Por eso nos deshicimos de todo lo que aún teníamos en Chile. El dinero se repartirá entre ustedes tres, y esta casa permanecerá conmigo hasta que llegue mi turno ".
"Tú no puedes hacer eso!" I tried to rationalize and ponder, but it was difficult.
"Ya está hecho, Juan." My Father argued with me. "No esperaré mi muerte, por eso la comparto. Esto es lo que deseo: que tengan lo suficiente para tocar sus vidas. Esto es lo que más deseo".
"Papá ... ¿qué dijo el médico sobre tu cáncer?" Maria asked.
"No es un cáncer muy agresivo, y tendré una buena supervivencia si sigo las recomendaciones y tomo los medicamentos".
"Está bien, papá, pero aún quiero que tengas una cita con el Dr. Greene. ¡Hazlo por mí, por favor!" I insisted.
"Está bien, hijo mío. Pero eso no va a cambiar lo que pienso de compartir".
The festive atmosphere of reunion with the family became somewhat funereal after the announcement. I explained to my husband that my father had brain cancer, which apparently didn't have a very aggressive evolution (although I would review these tests like a lion), and that I was selling all the assets they had in Chile, and that I would share the money between the three children. I didn't have the slightest idea how much we were talking, but I didn't care about that, because what I really wanted was to see my father well.
I cried with anger, with fear. Good thing Hiram was there to comfort me. Honestly, I couldn't say what I would do without him to support me. As night fell, I saw my dad and Hiram talking about something. They were sitting on the porch and smoking straw cigarettes. I know that Hiram secretly smoked from me, although he swore he was managing to quit. At least what he was smoking wasn't pot.
"Cigarette can kill you faster. That goes for both." I complained. My father smoked those cigarettes his whole life, I think what kept me away from that kind of addiction was the horror I had of that smell. "What are you confabulating?"
"Nothing important." Hiram nodded and stubbed out his cigarette.
"Of course it's important!" My father snapped. "I was just telling your husband that waiting around to get things done was just silly, a waste of time."
"I told your father that we want to have kids, but that will wait until your residency ends." Hiram contextualized me and I immediately understood the picture.
"This is nonsense." My father raged. "By then I'll be dead and I won't know my grandchild. How old are you, Juan?"
"I'm 27, Dad."
"Yes... yes... at your age, I was drunk in some bar discussing Marx, liberalism and socialism." My father turned once more to talk to my husband. "I became a father for the first time when I was near 50 years old. Miranda is 20 years younger than I am, and it was a little weird because she was in her prime as my joints started to rust. I saw Miranda with all her energy looking after you and your sisters, while I was too busy with my job at the university. I didn't have the energy to pay attention to my children. I was the guy who put food on the table and lectured. That's not being a parent. I wish I had been more time to be with you."
"You did very well, sir."
"That's not true, Juan. I didn't do well. Your mother was extraordinary, but I couldn't keep up with any of you, especially Rosa. I didn't go to your football games not because I didn't like it, but because I didn't have the energy. I was more concerned with managing your study opportunities than simply taking you fishing and having fun. I regret this, Juan. And now that I've been diagnosed, it's too late to make up for lost time. I'm 73 years old man and I have brain cancer. Isn't that ironic? A professor dying of a brain disease? I'm done. I won't even see my grandchildren grow up! That's why I spoke to Hiram, and now I speak to you: if you want to have kids, don't wait too much. How old are you, Hiram?"
"I'm 29, sir."
"That's a fine age because you are still young, but not that young. My three children were my greatest works, my greatest joys and I didn't have the energy to deal with them. Know what your priorities are."
My father really wasn't very participatory in our lives, but he was never absent. He was a guy who tried to keep us safe, who fought for our comfort, and who even tried to support us in the extra-curricular activities we had. In fact, he had little energy for teaching and raising three children. My mother... well, she was the strongest and most present figure in our lives, but that doesn't mean my father failed. He provided our safety. My father was a rich man back in Chile, with some real states and a he was a very famous and respected professor at the Catholic University of Chile, considered one of the best in all of Latin America. Yet, he made the difficult decision to leave everything behind to save my mother from the dictatorial government and, consequently, his kids. They took us out of a mansion in Santiago to live in a humble house in Lima, Ohio, because my mother was going to be arrested for the dictatorship government. It would be much more practical for him to chicken out and let my mother be arrested. But he did all this out of love for her and to keep the family together. So what if he didn't come to my football games? I hugged him and cried. I was a doctor, I was training as a surgeon, and yet I felt completely powerless. What was left for me to do?
...
(Shelby)
I didn't exactly have a dilemma. Obviously my choice would be to receive a base salary to act in The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Three months of guaranteed employment. I was going to quit the cafeteria job, but I was going to leave in a positive way because you never knew if I would need that job again. I was in the cafeteria, doing some research on my finances and what I could do with the base salary of the play as an amateur actor. Honestly, my financial situation wouldn't change much. I still had to share an apartment with three other girls and there was no savings to go back to college. I could afford community college, but that was a secondary plan.
There weren't any customers at that hour, which wasn't unusual in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday, when everyone else in the neighborhood was in their offices, and the students still had their bellies full after lunch. It was the time we used to clean up and replace the condiments offered to the table, something I did quickly due to practice.
"What are you doing, Shel?" George asked me.
"Checking my financial reality. And speaking of which, I'm on notice. I'm leaving the diner in two weeks."
"Why?"
"Because I got the part of Janet in The Rocky Horror Picture Show at Public!" I said with the biggest smile possible.
"Congratulations, Shel!" George had a restrained way about him, but he was fine.
"I won't be able to work here and there at the same time. But it's a three-month contract, so if I need to come back..."
"Don't think I expected a bright young woman like you to work here forever. I am happy for you. And since you are such an excellent employee, of course if you need a job, you can come back."
"I will send you, Anne and Jane a ticket when the play opens."
"Thanks. But tell me one thing. In that financial check of yours, is what you earn here so much lower?"
"Look… basically it's $300 more than I normally make here a month with base salary and tips. I want to go to New York, but I can't save enough money to go with a minimum security. I'm not able to collect any money, even with all the savings I do. I could go back to college, but no one guarantees that when I finish this short season, I'll have another gig."
"I never set a foot in a college, Shel. I inherited my father's business, and it's been that way ever since. I bought my apartment, I paid my taxes... But when I look at my daughter, I don't imagine her working in this diner. Well, eventually yes, but only for her to learn to appreciate where her comfort comes from. Other than that, I want her to go to college and become someone better than me."
"That's nice of you, George."
"So it is. That's why I tell you that you should have your degree. Wasn't because of that you got that new job at this play?"
"Do you think I should save money to finish college and leave the dream of going to New York behind?"
"Not to live your dream behind… just do everything in the right time."
Thinking logically, George was absolutely right. The thing is, I wasn't chasing logic but a dream, which was also my big goal: getting out of Ohio. Not just physically leaving, as any bus could do for me. Leaving Ohio meant winning. And more than anything, I needed to win.
…
(Juan)
"You look magnificent, Juan."
I was feeling ridiculous. I wore a suit to watch a musical play at Public. It wasn't my choice to celebrate our date anniversary. Honestly, I didn't even know what day exactly I started dating Hiram. And if we got married, should we still celebrate this kind of anniversary? What did my husband do? He decided to plan every detail of the celebration because I was too busy at the hospital to do that kind of thing and I didn't have the slightest way to articulate perfect romantic dates because apparently I didn't have much imagination. There was one truth and two lies in this story. For me, the perfect romantic date is the basics: cinema-restaurant-bed. The cinema can be replaced by a concert or some interesting event. I really didn't have much time because of work at the hospital. I barely made it out on time because of a surgery I really wanted to watch but had to pull out of because of Hiram. Fuck, he's been talking about this all week and I didn't want to let him down. There would be another surgery tomorrow.
We were walking in Playhouse square on our way to Public. Hiram in much sportier clothes, and I in a suit, because I had met him straight from the hospital. He had told me we were going to a divine place, so I tried to dress appropriately: in a suit. If I'd known it was the town's theater for local plays, I'd dress more appropriately. Not with a damn tie.
"How many times have you seen the movie?" I asked while reading The Rocky Horror Picture Show program. "Do you have to see the play too?"
"Plays are fun. Juan, try to open your mind to different things."
"Except there's nothing different. It's a cheap budget play."
"Theater is a temple, respect it."
"I respect it. At least The Rocky Horror Picture Show is fun. It's not like Funny Girl stuff or My Fair Lady stuff."
"But you liked Cabaret."
"Ah, this is very different."
"How different?"
"Because we saw it on Broadway… I think anything goes well in that whole production." It was precisely on Hiram's 26th birthday. We spent three days in New York, and we saw this play.
"And you like musical movies too. You like West Side Story."
"Because it is a masterpiece." Then I smiled at my husband. "Okay. A list of five great musicals." We enjoyed making lists of the most diverse things.
"Funny girl, Cabaret, The Sound of Music, A Star is born and… and… The Wizard of Oz." He smiled in satisfaction. "Now you."
"West Side Story… The Wizard of Oz… Blues Brothers…" I started counting on my fingers. "Flashdance and Footloose."
"Flashdance and Footloose are not musicals!" Hiram protested. "These are movies with a bunch of people dancing really badly to some pop hits."
"But they are cool songs." Also, Jennifer Beals was hot as hell in Flashdance. But I wouldn't say that out loud to Hiram.
"Juan, make a real list."
"Okay, instead of Flashdance and Footloose include Help! and Tommy."
"Tommy? Makes sense... You love Tina Turner's Acid Queen."
Hiram smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I held his hand and we walked into the theater. We sat in good seats, with a great view of the stage. It was a small theater with 400 seats, used mainly for plays by local companies.
There we were waiting for the play to start. Hiram chose The Rocky Horror Picture Show simply because there were no other bigger plays in the city at that moment. Also, Public used to put on interesting plays, especially comedy ones. It was the first time I saw a musical there and, as I anticipated, production was generally cheap and full of flaws. The actor who played Brad was good, but he didn't have much personality. Unlike the girl who played Janet. Wow, she was beautiful and had a great voice.
"Wow, they picked a handsome Brad!" Hiram said in a half-joking tone, but that deep down he had found the actor really attractive.
"Goofy face and girly voice." I said feigning jealousy. It wasn't what I really felt, but Hiram liked those things. He felt valued.
"Do better then!" He teased me with a smile on the corner of his face.
"Love me tender, love me sweet…"
"Are you seriously going to personify Elvis Presley on me?"
"It worked?"
"Let's see later."
I laughed. I liked it when Hiram was in light mode. I looked right at my husband. He was young, he was light, his eyes were shining and we were living a very good phase of our relationship. We were still on our honeymoon.
"We should skip the restaurant or the dance and go straight home and have a baby!"
"I wish I had a womb to fulfill your wish."
"But we can train to fill the pot. The more seed, the better."
"Can we keep it in the fridge?"
I laughed and hugged and kissed Hiram in the middle of the street, not caring if the people around me thought it was bad to see two guys making out. Fuck them.
...
(Shelby)
I almost freaked out when I saw my brother and my mother at the theater for the last week of the play's run. My mother and my younger brother had already seen me acting in school plays, but my father used to say that actress was an easy woman's profession, so I didn't find it strange that he wasn't there. TRHPS had received good reviews by the local press. I kept all the newspaper clippings that commented on it. Most were nothing more than notes or short articles and criticisms of up to three paragraphs that occupied the bottom of the page or the side. It didn't matter: it was my portfolio.
Critics said that the company surprised with a fine production of TRHPS, even with a low budget and with new actors. I sent my mother the best review published at the newspaper distributed for free at Playhouse Square and other similar venues in Cleveland. There was even a photo of me and Jack Solomon, who played Brad. Overall, our production received three out of five stars. I didn't get rich, but it was the first professional experience I could write down on my resume. Would that be enough for Broadway auditions? I had no idea. Probably I would have to have some constancy on stage for that. The problem was that the Public's productions were scheduled until the end of the year, and casting audition wouldn't reopen for another six months. The other theater companies in Cleveland were even smaller and primarily specialized in either children's theater or light comedy. That's not my goal.
Anyway, my mother and my brother went by surprise to watch the last week of the play, on a Friday in the first section. I asked the assistant to pass me a note. I asked if they would have dinner with me at the end of the second section. I was willing to pay for a good dinner for them with money I couldn't afford. At the end of the play, shortly after the curtains closed, I received the answer: "yes". The second section of the day's play was my best, because I was more relaxed, even if a little anxious about the date. I tried not to linger. As soon as I finished my job for the day, I went straight to my dressing room, took off my makeup, clothes, washed my face with water and went to meet my family. I met them in the theater hall.
"I can hardly believe you came." She said as I approached. "I'm so happy."
In a way, I was really happy, but most of all I was surprised. I hadn't seen my family for over a year. Findlay was only a two and a half hour drive to Cleveland. It was a very short distance, and there were buses every two hours between those two towns, but I didn't go back to Findlay for Christmas or Thanksgiving because, as much as I love my mother and even miss my brother, my father was a problem I didn't want to deal with.
"Oh, my daughter." My mom gave me a big hug. "But you are only skin and bones!"
"Don't exaggerate. With all the crappy fast food I consumed when I worked in the diner, it's amazing how I still managed to lose a pound or two." I turned my attention to my brother. "Hey Tom. I didn't know you came home."
"My mother asked." I smiled at my brother. He might be a little weird and rude, but he really cared about us. Thomas was only 17 years old. He played baseball and was excellent, but the coach cut him from the team for his poor grades and reportedly a lack of team spirit. My brother wasn't disciplined, he didn't listen to the coach and he even got into a fight with a teammate when he was expelled.
"Did you like the play?"
"It's a gay play! It's like watching PG-13 gay porn." Thomas made a face. "But you sing well."
I started laughing because, let's face it, he wasn't wrong. In fact, Thomas gave the best description of The Rocky Horror Picture Show that I've heard in my life. My mom just frowned and didn't offer an opinion.
"Would you like to have dinner with me? There's a good restaurant nearby. Good food and it's not that expensive. It is on me."
"Serious? You must be getting paid well with this acting job." My brother said admiringly.
"Perhaps." I said with an air of mystery.
"I would love to have dinner with you but..." My mother said with a worried face.
"Dad is here in Cleveland." Thomas confessed. "He stayed at the hotel."
"I don't know whether to be disappointed or relieved that he didn't come to see me at the theater."
"Be relieved. He would make a fuss if he went to see this gay play."
"Is the hotel you are staying at far?"
"No. It's about three blocks from there. It's only for one night, as we're going back to Findlay early in the morning." My mother explained.
"In that case, we can walk there and fetch my father so we can all have dinner together. What do you think?"
"If you're paying… that's fine with me." Thomas smiled.
I didn't want to have dinner with my dad because, frankly, I knew the evening wouldn't be pleasant with him around. But it was my family. As we walked, I listened to Thomas talk about his experience as a helper in a freight and transport company. He spent a year sleeping in that company's warehouse, but said that his boss would give him the opportunity to drive for the company as soon as he turned 18. My brother and I were similar in that respect: we knew our way around.
My financial condition was still dire. The truth is that I earned very little from the play, which was barely enough for the rent. I practically worked for a few peanuts and a little experience and a resume. I made almost as much money as working in the diner, and my offering to buy dinner for my family meant I probably wouldn't have money for groceries this week. No wonder, part of the cast had a part-time job to supplement their income, usually waiting tables or working in something else, as a cashier at a convenience store. But at that moment, I wanted to show my family that I was winning.
The hotel they were staying at was a two star hotel with no room service. Thomas and I stayed at the hotel reception while my mother went upstairs to call my father. Miraculously, he was there and not at a nearby bar. When he came down, we looked at each other and he gave me a cold hug.
"You look good, Shelby."
"Thanks Dad. You too." I forced a smile. "I wish you had gone to the theater." I wouldn't, nor would I dream of it. I said just out of politeness.
"You know what I think."
Yes, I knew. We went to Groff's, which was a not-so-expensive and not-so-cheap pizzeria. Wasn't the food on me? So I had to minimize my losses. We sat down, ordered, and there was this uncomfortable feeling in the air, as if my father wanted to scold me and couldn't find a way.
"How long are you going to work on this play?" My father asked me.
"Actually, this is the last week on display. Our last night is tomorrow."
"Um…" Yes, he was really trying to find the loophole to put me down. "And then?"
"Then I'm going to audition for another play…or maybe they'll ask me directly to work on the next production since I did so well."
"So you gave up on going to New York?"
"Who knows next year? I need to gain some experience and some money before I face the competition from Broadway."
"Money in this area of depravity must be good."
"I have lived in Cleveland for two years without your help, and I am doing very well." It's a lie, because if it weren't for my mother's meager savings, I wouldn't have even finished the first year of college. But she secretly gave me her savings and apparently he doesn't know it. If so, you will never need to know. I could see the quiet pride in my mother's eyes because I had the courage she didn't. My father was another story. It was as if he was betting on me losing, and he was disappointed I wasn't in the gutter.
"For someone who left the house burping things, who would be a star, you still seem far from it."
"Just give me time." I forced a smile. "After all, I got out of that hole that is Findlay and I'm already doing plays, isn't that right?"
She was being unfair to Findlay: it wasn't such a bad hole. It was a tidy, clean suburban city, with suburban problems, with very limited cultural apparatus, modest commerce, it had the obligatory poor neighborhood where I lived, not to mention the trailer park. In other words, it was a city without anything special, where children went to school together from kindergarten to high school, and everyone took care of everyone else's life. My family lived in the poorest neighborhood of Findlay, and in Cleveland, I didn't get ahead. I lived in an apartment shared by four people, which was located on top of a used bookstore, and opposite one of the three hundred million parking lots that existed in Cleveland, very close to downtown. That was a hole, but I would never admit that to my parents.
"You are an ingrate!" My father accused me. "You should give more value to everything you have received. You never lacked food on the table. You never had to leave school to work."
"I have been working since I was 13, Dad." Babysitting and other jobs teenagers tend to do part-time. But still, it was work.
"Yes, like a normal person. And you still had time to do this activity of idle people and deviants."
"Don't think you were responsible for this, Father. What I did wasn't because of you. Everything I did and achieved, everything I could do to develop my talent was in spite of you."
"Yes, you developed your talent for being a slut very well. Do you think I didn't hear what this depravity you work on the stage was all about? I won't be surprised if the next time I see you it's in the middle of the street while you offer yourself to whoever pays you five dollars."
My father got up from the table, and ordered my mother and Thomas to do the same. My mother obeyed, poor thing, but my brother stayed and finished eating his pizza.
"You want my honest opinion? Your play is disgusting."
"Okay..."
"If there's one thing the old man is right about, it's about this: these queers are disgusting, and it's no wonder that God sent this plague to decimate this race."
"You should be more compassionate, Tom. These gay people are just as normal people as you and me. One day you may need help from one of them."
"I don't care what these fagots do as long as it's not next to me. But I don't want to talk about those fagots... what I mean is that your play is absolutely disgusting. But at least you have talent."
"Thanks, Tom. It means a lot to me."
Thomas finished his pizza and said goodbye with a tap on my shoulder. My youngest brother was never one to show affection, so I knew that, with a lot of effort, what he meant was that he was rooting for my success. I needed a few minutes to absorb the events of that night. So I called the waiter and asked him to pack the two remaining pieces of pizza. I left that restaurant wanting more than ever to go to New York, just to rub my success in my dad's face. That was my Scarlett O'Hara moment. I promise to leave Cleveland and succeed in New York, even if I had to steal, cheat and kill, God is my witness I would succeed.