(Juan)
I was anxious on the way back to my house. It had been just over 24 hours since I decided to leave and to give my husband some space. It was a period of time when I barely slept, worked a little, made a decision and even had the unexpected opportunity to talk to Shelby. None of this was easy. As willing as I was to do right, the question at that point was whether Hiram would be on the same page? When I entered my apartment, I noticed movement and music. There were two guys inside besides Hiram, who were smoking and drinking. I didn't know these guys, but I recognized them as Angels regulars.
"What the fuck is going on here?" I said thickly, making myself present.
"This is Todd and Brian." Hiram said visibly high. "I invited them here for a drink."
"Okay Todd and Brian, I'm Hiram's husband, this is my home, and I'd like you to leave."
"Don't be a killjoy, Juan. We are just here talking."
"Todd and Brian." I repeated more slowly, to show that I was really serious. "I would like you both to leave my house now because I have something very serious to discuss with my husband." I tossed my bag in the corner of the room and clenched my fists. I was prepared to fight physically if necessary.
But despite Hiram's protests, the two got the message. I didn't know what exactly those guys were doing in my house since they weren't people we knew, but I could see that they weren't willing to get into any trouble that didn't concern them. At that point, I think they were minimally reasonable people. The one who was out of his mind was my husband. Todd and Brian got up and left my house with no protests. They just said goodbye to my husband and said they would meet at Angels later.
"What did you do, Hiram? What's going on here?" I turn off the music.
"Nothing… they are just friends."
"No, they aren't."
"Okay… just friendly."
"What were you doing with them?"
"We just made out." He laughed and he was unbalanced. "You didn't get a woman pregnant? Well, then I gave myself the right to have some fun too."
"Hiram, did you have unprotected sex with these guys?" I held tight to his arm.
"No, there was just a little kiss and a little play between boys." He said still trying to challenge me, but I held firm, because at that point, I didn't care if he lost control and went kissing the world. I was worried about his safety and consequently my own.
"Hiram." I repeated more firmly. "Did you penetrate or let those men penetrate you?"
"No! I told you so, it was just a little play between boys. They let me suck them." The image of Hiram performing oral sex on two strangers came to mind and it was absolutely disgusting.
I took a deep breath. Hiram was high and I needed to know what it was. But he wouldn't be able to tell me in that state. So I pushed him into the bathroom and threw him under the shower, clothes and all, despite his protests. It was a fact that there would be no conversation until Hiram was sober.
"You are shit, Juan. You piece of shit! You're an asshole." He raved as I held him under the shower. Hiram tried to fight back, but I'm physically stronger and I didn't let him go until he calmed down. I was also completely drenched since I was holding him. "Fuck off, you piece of shit."
I was surprised at myself for my control, because the times Hiram had cheated me before, we'd had the mothership of fights and I'd gotten to leave him. It was Hiram who practically begged me to come back. At that time, I just wanted to pass this page on, because it was my fault that Hiram was in that state.
As I remained impassive, Hiram broke down and I hugged him.
...
While Hiram was sleeping, I took the opportunity to clean the house. It was easy to see that Hiram got drunk on the two empty whisky bottles. I just didn't know if he did it alone or if he had help from Todd and Brian. I started doing real detective work. I went through the trash, Hiram's clothes, and his side of the wardrobe. In addition to the empty bottles, I found a half-empty pack of cigarettes and what looked like cocaine. There were no used condoms around the house, and not even newly purchased ones. I no longer had sex with Hiram using condoms, so I didn't have them inside the house. But if Hiram said he at least had oral sex with Todd or Brian or whoever, I'd expect at least some used condoms around the apartment. Since there wasn't, either Hiram had unprotected penetrative sex and we could get in trouble or he told the truth and had oral sex with someone else. Blow jobs was also a problem, but with low risks for STDs and AIDS.
I definitely shouldn't have left the house let alone given him some space. I tidied up, cleaned, perfumed the room, opened the windows, and finally took a shower and sat on the sofa. What I did know was that the first time I was unfaithful to my husband, I got Shelby pregnant. Granted, it was at a time when she was taking hormones and releasing eggs in an ultra-fertile state to become pregnant, ironically, with me or my husband. But that doesn't justify it. And that prompted Hiram not only to cheated me as well and again, as if he wanted to pay at the same coin, but it caused him to relapse. It broke my heart.
I ended up dozing off on the couch, because when I open my eyes, Hiram was awake, sitting at the table with his head in his hands.
"Hey." I said quietly. "How are you?"
"Feeling like crap." He said hoarsely. "And you?"
"I am no better than you."
"Where were you? Did you go to sleep at her house?" He spoke with a heartbreaking frailty. Hiram was as broken as I was.
"No, Hiram, I left home and went to sleep in the hospital, and then I spent the whole day working. When I got back, you were having a party with Todd and Brian. Where did you find Todd and Brian, Hiram?"
"Angels."
"Okay… Did you have sex with them?"
"It was just… yes, but it was just a blow job..." He replied almost tersely.
"Anything else?"
"Do you want details, Juan?"
"I don't want details, Hiram. I just need the truth."
"Nothing more than a threesome blow job festival, I didn't get AIDS because you cheated on me."
"Even so, I will take the right of scheduling check-ups."
"You are paranoid."
"I work in a hospital, I know what AIDS is."
"As if I didn't know."
"Of course... your experience is basically visiting Nick in the hospital, and finding out which of your friends are on AZT."
I saw by the look in Hiram's eyes that he wanted to hit me. Well, at that point I also wanted to punch him in the face with the same intensity as the one I did when we first met and he tried to kiss me. The same kind of punch that caused me to break his nose. But I wouldn't do that because no amount of physical violence would help solve our problems. Reaching such conclusions at that moment was complex, because keeping anger tamed and rationality was a very delicate balance. Being betrayed was pretty bad, and I'm not saying that for Hiram's little fling caused by heartbreak. I already had previous experiences.
That wasn't our happiest moment, that's for sure.
"Shelby went to the hospital." I informed him and Hiram stared at me with a mixture of anger and concern.
"Are you here to tell me you chose her?"
"No, Hiram. She was at the hospital to talk to me and also because she felt sick."
"Sick? Is it something involving the kids?" Hiram was concerned and I found the change in his voice interesting as I could tell he was aware of and cared about the health of our future children.
"No... it was a malaise involving our situation. Of course, severe stress on Shelby can affect the children's health. I called letting Shelby know what had happened and she went to the hospital because of two things: she was stressed and she was feeling sick. Alicia did the care... anyway, I visited her in the emergency room bay and talked to her. I said that I didn't regret what we did, but that I chose to stay with my husband to raise our two kids."
Hiram didn't respond right away. He was thoughtful for a while. He went to our kitchen, drank water and I didn't interfere with his timing.
"I snorted cocaine." He confessed what I already suspected. "I'm sorry for being so weak. It's just that I was... I'm still pissed at you. But nothing justifies what I did."
"How are you feeling now?"
"With a hangover." He frowned and looked at me puzzled. "Why did you choose to be with me and not her? I know you still like me and care about me, but it's obvious that you fell in love with her."
"Because I chose you to be the father of my children."
"You also chose her to be the mother of your children, if I remember correctly."
"I wanted to build a family with you because I love you. I chose Shelby because I thought she was beautiful and interesting. Not because I love her."
"But you are attracted to her, at least."
"Yes, you are correct. What you're not seeing is the big picture, Hiram. Shelby came into our lives looking for money to fulfill a goal, a dream. She will give birth in a few months and leave our lives. I felt a strong attraction and I couldn't control myself. But everything that's happened these past few days has forced me to see the big picture. My future is not with her, my future is you and our children. But now there is a problem."
"Which?"
"For that future to come true, you need to get clean again."
"I was blind with rage, Juan. You left the house and I acted on impulse and pain. I should have been bigger and better... I wasn't. I'm sorry, but you know me. You know I need to work my jealous side."
"How do we resolve this situation?"
"Being honest with each other. We got too comfortable with each other, we fall into a routine and forget to communicate. I figured you were attracted to her but you were either in denial or just not being honest with me. I made a mistake today, but so did you."
"Yes. And what do you propose?"
"Do you still really want to build a family with me? Because if you don't, now is the time to run away from this relationship."
"I told you. I want to be with you."
"I'm going to put my head back in place. I need to focus on what's to come. We have two kids on the way, and I still want to build that family with you. But there is a tradeoff, Juan."
"Which?"
"I'm going to stay clean, I'm going to dedicate myself to our marriage. But you need to stay away from her. No more Shelby."
"That will be impossible, Hiram. I won't shirk from watching our children develop and I won't shirk from giving Shelby any assistance she may need while she is pregnant."
"I understand that you want to follow up on exams and check in on Shelby's well-being. But from now on, whatever she needs, she'll have to talk to me and not you anymore. This is my condition. I don't want you to meet her without me being there. I will stay clean, I will be the best father in the world to our children, I swear to god. But you will also have to do your part."
"I will do. I promise."
...
(Shelby)
I wasn't surprised when Juan didn't look for me anymore. From our conversation at the hospital, I understood that he would leave because of his husband. I also didn't want to upset him because, I may not be the most sensible person in the world, but I still have a sense of dignity. I fell in love with Juan, but I wouldn't grovel for him, nor beg for his love. But that it hurt a lot, that was undeniable.
Two weeks after my breakup with Juan, if you could call it that, I got a call from their lawyer to talk. The meeting was scheduled at the office of the lawyer who mediated the signing of the contract and, to my surprise, only Hiram was there.
"Good afternoon." I said a little embarrassed in a scenario set up to corner me.
"Good afternoon, Miss Corcoran. Please sit down."
Hiram stared at me like he wanted to challenge me. He didn't greet me, didn't say a word, just stood there like he was at war with me.
"Very well, Miss Corcoran. Due to your breach of contract, my clients came to me to understand the implications of this."
"Your clients?" I crossed my arms.
"Yes, I am a lawyer representing Messrs. Lopez and Berry, therefore my clients." The lawyer took out the copy of the contract and showed it to me. "As you can read in clause 16, the contract could be broken if you disrespected some of the conditions, such as having sexual activities during the period of hormone administration and insemination. And that's exactly what you did, as evidenced in the image exam carried out at the clinic. This would imply the complete breach of the contract and the application of fines."
"I had sex with Juan!" I said raising my voice. "It's his child, what difference does it make? Take that DNA test if you want, because there's no way it's not his."
"Miss Corcoran, the contract doesn't contain a condition like: unless the surrogate becomes pregnant by one of the contracting parties. You broke the contract."
"And what are they going to do? Will you want me to return the money? Are you going to want me to abort?"
"No!" Hiram spoke. "What I want is for you to know that even though I could screw you over, I'm not going to do it for the sake of my kids. You will get your money and thank Juan for it, because on my part, I would make you pay every penny."
"Sr. Berry, please!" The lawyer scolded him. "Miss Corcoran, despite my client's imprudence in manifesting himself improperly, our objective is to inform you that, despite this breach of contract, my clients have decided not to apply the foreseen sanctions."
"That's it?" I stared at both. They were there to intimidate me, and I must admit it worked because my legs were shaking, but I would never let it show. I wasn't going to cry in front of them. "I can go?"
"That's basically it, Miss Corcoran."
"Couldn't you have said that over the phone?" I glared at Hiram.
"It was better to do it eye to eye." Hiram answered.
I left that office embarrassed, angry, feeling like a cornered animal. I felt like going to the hospital and confronting Juan to find out if he was part of this intimidation plot. But what good would it do? If he didn't know, he would definitely confront his husband, but if he did, it would be a huge disappointment for me. Honestly, walking down the streets of Cleveland after leaving that office, I'm not sure I'd want to know. I just know that the idea of needing a lawyer felt more necessary than ever. But who could help me?
That's when I remembered George. My ex-boss, who I was friends with, had a lawyer who took care of his affairs, including problems with the cafeteria, like paranoid and annoying customers capable of suing you just because you got their order wrong on a busy day. I needed to try to defend myself in some way, because something told me that Hiram would swallow me if I let him. No one has ever subdued me, not even my father has, and it wasn't for lack of trying. I wouldn't let that little shit do that.
...
(Juan)
My pager rang. As I was doing bureaucratic work, I decided to leave all that paperwork aside to go to the second floor of the hospital. I know it was the day of Shelby's second ultrasound, and I confess that I was anxious not only to see the growth of my future children, but I would also like to see her again. I haven't seen her since that day in the hospital. I had made a promise and agreement with my husband and I would honor it, but I couldn't help but want to know how she was doing, if things were going well, if she was comfortable: everything my husband proceeded to check in with.
When I entered the hall of the gynecological center, I saw Lyanne talking to the secretary, and she walked over to me as soon as she saw me.
"Hi, Juan."
"Hello, Lyan. Did Shelby confirm that the appointment?"
"That's why I pager you. She canceled at the last minute. I page you here, Juan, because these surrogacy accompaniments need to be serious. I advise you to find out what is happening."
"Okay..." I was worried and disappointed. "I will find out as soon as I can."
I didn't want to make a storm out of an unbooked appointment. Of course I was a little frustrated, but I didn't think it was a big deal. People canceled appointments all the time in a hospital every day stuff. I tried to detach myself from that kind of paranoia because it wasn't very healthy. I went back to working on the bureaucratic papers and then I was going to practice a complex procedure on a dummy that I would have to learn for the next few days. It was just an ordinary hospital day, when I wasn't assigned to be on duty in the ER. It allowed me to slow down, study a little bit, do a few follow-up rounds on my patients, and of course catch up on paperwork, or the chief resident would eat my liver.
After my working hours, as usual, I took a bus and left. Before going up to my apartment, I stopped by a bakery and bought four croissants, which I loved and Hiram did too. Sometimes I was grateful that Hiram was just a vegetarian, because the coexistence of the carnivorous self with a person who wouldn't consume even milk and eggs would be complicated. Hiram wouldn't eat a fried egg much less would he drink a glass of milk, no way. However, he wasn't opposed to eating pasta and other delicacies made with eggs and milk. Bread, especially croissants, was something you could talk about when it came to food.
When I entered the house, I found my husband nervously on the phone, taking notes. I dropped my backpack on the couch and set the bag of bread on the kitchen counter. It was time for Hiram to hang up the phone and stare at me with a worried expression.
"What happened? Did someone die? Was it Nick?"
"No..." Hiram sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It was our lawyer."
"What happened?"
"Apparently Shelby got a lawyer and they set up a meeting. They want to discuss the contract again. They found a loophole, but I don't know what it is."
"What time is this meeting?"
"Tomorrow at ten o'clock in the morning. I'm going to call the firm and let them know I won't get to work until after lunch."
"I can do the same."
"Juan..."
"By no means are you going alone. If Shelby has found a way to renegotiate the contract, I want to know first hand."
Hiram was very nervous and anxious about the meeting. Couldn't blame him because I was too. The difference was that Hiram hated Shelby for everything that happened, whereas I had a completely different understanding of this story. In Hiram's eyes, Shelby was a villainous vampire who had seduced his husband and was now about to strike a blow. In my eyes, she was just a poor girl from a complicated family and suburban town who had ambitions in life. I was never a victim or an innocent either, because I certainly knew very well what could happen when I did everything to be with Shelby that day and went up to her apartment. Hiram was right about one point about that day: I was thinking with my cock.
The next day, I let them know that I would arrive at the hospital only after noon, taking advantage of the fact that I had no surgery scheduled for the morning. All I would do in the meantime is study and catch up on paperwork anyway. Usually the hospital, and especially the chief resident, looked the other way in these cases. In addition, I had just completed the rotation of specialties, there would be an evaluation by the attendants before they chose the students they wanted to work with. It wasn't something institutionally formalized, but an attendant generally worked with two, a maximum of three residents on the team. Whoever was "left over" could be dismissed from the program.
I wasn't worried about the falloffs because my dealings with dr. Aaron Parker were very good. I also had a plan B: in case Dr. Parker didn't accept me to be part of his team, I could specialize in trauma, which was something more radical and complex, as it was basically general surgery performed in emergencies, wherever they were. Doctor Lewis harassed me numerous times, trying to convince me to join his team. Plan C was to leave the program and seek employment at another hospital to pursue general surgery residency.
But my professional plans didn't matter at that moment as Hiram and I got ready to meet our lawyer and Shelby's lawyer. The meeting was at Shelby's attorney's office.
"Gary Blake." Our lawyer explained to us who the guy Shelby hired was. "He's a small-firm attorney. He works with an associate and a secretary in his office. I don't know him very well, but he's a guy who specializes in working with small claims."
"That could be to our advantage, correct?" Hiram was hopeful.
"First, we need to know what hole is. Then we'll see.
Shelby's attorney's office didn't even have a meeting room. We were invited into Mr. Blake's office and seated around his desk. Shelby was there. It was the first time I had seen her in just over a month. She wore a dress, but as it was a wider piece, it was not possible to see her belly. Anyway, I thought she was adorable. Shelby greeted me and Hiram with a formal handshake. Because she was left-handed, she had this adorable habit of missing which hand would shake the other. She also was probably well instructed by the lawyer, because she didn't say a word other than "hello" and "good morning".
Her lawyer gave her a copy of our signed contract and it started.
"Okay gentlemen, when my client came to me and told me the whole story, I did a double check and was horrified at all the disenfranchisement my client was subjected to, basically making her a human incubator."
"With all due respect Mr. Blake, the terms of this contract match the standard set by all other surrogacy contracts that are signed across the country. The values are fair, as well as the demands that guarantee the health of the unborn child are reasonable."
"It may be so, from the point of view of the rights and guarantees of the contractors. But that doesn't make it any less absurd from a human point of view."
"Are we here to discuss human rights, Mr. Blake?"
"No, we are here to discuss the future of two children."
"Theis future is guaranteed under the rise and care of my clients, who will invest in the education of these children."
"It so happens, Dr. Brait, that the contract is very clear when it says that the child or children generated in the act of insemination must be delivered to the contracting parties immediately after birth, without the possibility that the mother who generated them even knows them. Nothing more inhuman."
"So what?"
"My client, Shelby Corcoran, is aware of this arbitrariness, but her situation is somewhat peculiar in this case, given the sexual involvement she had with your client Juan Lopez and which produced a child before insemination date. This means that your clients only have rights over one of the children. The other will be owned by my client Shelby Corcoran because, according to the contract, the child naturally generated as a result of a sexual act by my client before the contractual insertion point, however much the sexual relationship was between my client and yours, this kid is out of those terms."
"This is nonsense." Hiram couldn't help himself and I just brought my hand to my face. I was completely baffled, I'll admit. "She doesn't want to be a mother. She wants to be an actress in New York! You called us to blackmail us!"
"No, Mr. Berry, we came here to negotiate a solution." Blake said with unbelievable calm as I prevented my husband from doing anything stupid by holding him in the chair. "We have some options on the table. My client will, of course, honor the contract with respect to one of the children. As for the other one, she has every right to claim custody and I guarantee you the law is on her side. However, my client is willing to waive her rights through financial compensation."
"What?" It was my turn to freak out. "Shelby..." I was completely shocked, but deep down I wasn't completely surprised. Shelby sat next to her lawyer, quiet. She avoided looking at me. Every part of that office looked interesting to Shelby, except my face. It was my lawyer's turn to calm me down.
It took five minutes for people to calm down and go back to hearing what the fuck financial compensation Shelby was going to ask for.
"Well, gentlemen, my client, Shelby Corcoran, would agree to sign a waiver of custody rights that she has through financial compensation of $80,000."
"Are you selling our kid for $80,000 to me?" I manifested by looking directly at her, even though she was still avoiding looking at me.
"Well, gentlemen, what needed to be said has been done."
"Thank you, Dr. Blake." Our attorney rose from his chair. "Thanks for the communication. We will review the proposal and give you a response shortly."
On the way out of the office, I wanted to wait and try to approach Shelby, I needed to talk to her. Shelby needed to understand that all my savings were invested in this dream, that I had no more reserves. All I had was my doctor's salary, and everyone knew that residents work hard and earn little, relative to the attending physician. Hiram didn't have any money either. I mean, their parents had money, but he didn't: just like me, he only had his own salary. I had no idea where I would get $80,000 in short time. I didn't even have a property in my name to mortgage or to pledge as guarantee for a loan. I looked at my husband not knowing what to do. Hiram was upset, and I wasn't much different.