The walk back to the Warden compound felt different than the walk to the palace. Carver walked at her side rather than at her back, a change that Adara would have appreciated even if they hadn't spent time together at the docks. It felt less lonely. Besides, it was good to finally see a side of him that wasn't sullen. Maybe he thought the same thing: it wasn't as though Adara had been particularly cheerful as of late.

It was later than expected when they passed through the gates of what was formerly Arl Howe's estate in Denerim, now given to the Grey Wardens. Some of the original staff had been kept on: whoever both still wanted to, and who had survived the Blight. Not a large number. Arl Howe's former servants were the only ones who kept the place from looking like an afterthought of an outpost. They kept the lanterns lit for the Wardens who passed in and out of Denerim, who were most often using the place as a stopover on their way to Vigil's Keep. Adara liked one or two Wardens to be in Denerim as often as possible, but she wasn't fussed as to who. It was a dull job—if safer than hunting darkspawn in the Thaw—and more suited to people who liked overseeing renovations, poring through old records, and occasionally dealing with the nobility. So far she had fewer of those than she liked.

Jowan was sitting on a long bench just inside, elbows on his knees and his hands on the back of his neck, looking at the floor. He lifted his head when he heard the large doors closing behind the late arrivals. "Good night, Commander," Carver said to her as he crossed his arms over his chest before retreating to the barracks.

Adara watched him go. Jowan followed her gaze before looking back at her with a question in his eyes.

"What's going on there?" he asked, jerking his head in Carver's direction.

"Nothing. Not that it would be any of your business," Adara replied testily. She walked past him towards the dining room, which had been renovated and expanded into a larger and less fancy dining hall. Never one to recognize a social cue, Jowan fell in step besides her.

"He just seems like your type is all."

"I don't know what that's supposed to mean."

"Brawny. Muscles for brains."

Adara stopped walking and looked at Jowan with exasperation. "I'm not doing this with you right now, Jowan. Can I help you with something?"

Jowan hunched his shoulders, trying to make himself look smaller out of long habit. He'd done it ever since they were children. He reached up to rub the back of his neck with a hand that was missing two fingers, a reminder of the time he spent in Redcliffe's dungeons. It was the most visible reminder but nowhere near the only one. He didn't speak of those times if he could help it. Every now and then Adara caught a glimpse of a horrible scar that he hadn't had in the Circle, or he would offhandedly mention aches and pains from an injury that hadn't healed correctly.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know I've been an ass. You—you tried to help Lily, and you didn't have to. I never meant to sound ungrateful. I-I just can't stand thinking of her in there. It's driving me mad. Some days it's all I can think of." He sounded so deeply sad that her heart broke a little to hear it. All this time spent attempting to fix every broken thing in Ferelden yet she couldn't fix this.

"I'll think of something," Adara said.

"That's not what I—that is, I wasn't trying to bring it up. I mean I was, but I just wanted to apologize. Can we just… move on? Somehow? Go back to killing darkspawn?"

Adara smiled slightly. "I thought you hated that part."

"I do. I'm terrified every single time I see one, but sometimes I'd rather be scared than…" Jowan trailed off, searching for a word. "Hollow."

Adara took a couple of slow steps towards him before hugging him tightly. The last time she had hugged him was right after his Joining, squeezing him uncomfortably tightly just to reassure herself that he really had survived. This was something softer but no less ardent, a silent insistence that he would never be truly alone as long as she was still alive. Maker, he was too thin. "You should eat something," she said after a minute.

"What do you think I've been doing all day?"

"You can keep me company while I eat, then. I'm starving," Adara said, feeling lighter than she had in weeks.

"Oh? Worked up an appetite with the big fellow?"

"I've only just forgiven you, and you're going to keep teasing me? Leave it alone, it's nothing. We're friends. I think."

Jowan raised his eyebrows. "I didn't think Hawke knew how to make friends."

Adara poked him lightly in the ribs where she knew he was ticklish, and Jowan made a high-pitched squealing sound. "He does! He just has a low tolerance for… a lot of things."

"I'm going to assume that I am one of those things."

"You said it, not me."

They both started when someone cleared their throat behind them, and for a horrible moment Adara thought it might be Carver. "Excuse me, Commander?" It was Fenley, a human man from Highever, Adara recalled. He was one of the survivors of the most recent Joining. "A messenger came today with a letter for you from Bann Sighard." Adara took the letter and broke the wax seal, frowning as she began to read. "The messenger said that Eskford is seeing a lot of darkspawn around. The townsfolk say they're coming from a mine nearby, and the bann is requesting our aid. Your aid, specifically."

Adara read aloud from the letter: "—and given the proximity of Eskford, and Dragon's Peak, to the capitol, I hope that you will see fit to investigate this incursion personally, as you find yourself in Denerim. I hope our previous alliances… and it goes on like that for a while." She let out a little frustrated sigh. Adara could understand why people wanted the Hero of Ferelden herself to aid them, but she couldn't personally clear out every darkspawn den in the kingdom. Still, their party plus Fenley were the only Grey Wardens this close. The delay from bringing in Wardens from farther afield could cost lives.

Fenley and Jowan both watched her expectantly. "We'll need to send a runner to the docks to let the captain know we won't be boarding tomorrow. I'll look at the map, and we'll check supplies in the morning. I think if we get started by midmorning, we can be in Eskford the day after tomorrow. Jowan, let Carver and Leo know that we're heading out again." Adara walked as she spoke, heading this time for the commander's quarters.

She paused and gave Jowan a look. "Well, you said you wanted to kill darkspawn. Wish granted."

Jowan dragged his hands down his face exaggeratedly. "Am I cursed? This feels like being cursed."

Adara called over her shoulder: "You said it, not me."