Chapter Twenty

Nel awoke to her feet screaming at her, pain pulsing through the limbs. How she had ever fallen asleep with them feeling like they were on fire, she wouldn't ever know. She was never dancing with Erak again. Not unless his feet were equally maimed. In fact, that sounded wonderful right now. Nel vaguely wondered if making someone dance with broken toes was going too far.

"Are you ok?" someone said, cutting through her half asleep thoughts of revenge. "You seem to be glaring in your sleep."

Nel groaned, rolling over and finally opening her eyes. Selethen was on the other side of the room, seeming to be finishing up packing his things. Nel was too tired to be embarrassed at how she must look at the moment.

"I'm sorry." she mumbled.

"For what?" he asked, confused.

"That I ever made you dance with me. If your feet hurt like this after all those lessons, you must be a literal saint for never complaining."

He laughed, "It wasn't that bad."

Nel buried her head underneath her pillow, mumbling her disagreement before attempting to go back to sleep.

Selethen just laughed some more, "I must say, I wasn't expecting this in the morning."

She mumbled again.

"What was that?"

Nel finally lifted her face up, "Expected what?"

He smirked, "You to not be a morning person."

She just shrugged, laying back down.

"Would you like some breakfast?"

"I'll get ready soon, go down and get some." she said. Now that she was waking up, memories of the previous day were coming back to her. They were married now. Actually married. How could he act so normal?

"I'm afraid that's not possible," he told her, "Breakfast was finished over an hour ago. I was just going to grab you some leftovers from the kitchen."

Nel bolted upright at his words, "I slept through breakfast?"

"You seemed exhausted."

"B-B-But that means, everyone's gone." she whispered.

Selethen nodded sadly, "Most of them left early."

Guilt clenched her heart. She knew she probably wouldn't get to say goodbye to her family, but part of her had still hoped she could. Now though, she'd slept right through their final chance to see each other.

Selethen looked uncomfortable, "I'll…I'll go get you some food. I'll be right back."

"Thank you." she whispered as he left.

Day two of marriage didn't look like it was off to a great start at this rate. And she didn't even get to say a proper goodbye to her family.

Before she knew it, and far before she would ever be ready, their boat was floating away from the river bank, making its way towards the sea. Nel stood at the edge, watching as Malcolm, Trobar, Crowley, and Cassandra continued to wave goodbye. Everyone else had already left, most of them before she'd even woken up. Theirs was the last ship to depart.

Nel stood at the railing of the ship long after they lost sight of Castle Araluen, clenching the wood tightly.

"Aranel?" Selethen's voice cut through her thoughts, "Are you ok?"

She barely turned her head, catching sight of him and Aloom looking at her curiously.

"I'm…fine." she muttered through clenched teeth.

"You look pale." Aloom said nervously, "Do you need to sit down?"

"No…thank you." she turned away from them.

After Selethen had returned with breakfast, they'd had awkward small talk until it had been time to leave. She didn't have high hopes for that awkwardness to leave anytime soon.

"Are you sure?" he asked her now, hovering nearby as if he thought she was going to fall over.

Nel opened her mouth to respond when the ship chose that moment to rock to the side, the wind rushing against the sail. She quickly shut her mouth, gritting her teeth as her stomach rolled in time with the movement.

Selethen's eyes widened in understanding, "Are you seasick?"

"I'm…fine." she groaned.

One of the few things she inherited from her father: his stomach. Like him, it was all mental. She just wasn't used to the ground pitching and moving underneath her unexpectedly. Given time, she'd be fine.

Selethen and Aloom exchanged a look, trying not to look too amused. Aloom was less successful, but was able to cover his laugh with a cough.

Nel rolled her eyes, not believing it for a second, and turned away, choosing to instead watch the landscape as it passed by before they left the river.

"Let us know if you need anything," Selethen said politely, keeping a straight face as he did so.

She didn't respond, but was glad that they got the message and left her alone. It was hard to talk and not throw up at the same time.

The ship moved under her feet again and she almost lost her breakfast.

Scratch that, it was hard not to throw up, period.

It took three days for her to finally feel normal again. Instead of clutching the railing now, Nel simply leaned against it, one of her books in her lap, taking notes for her encyclopedia. There wasn't much she could do on a ship, so she felt she might as well get some work done. She may not be able to do surgeries anymore, not without being a risk to her patients, but she could at least keep up with her medical research. That wasn't a harm to anyone.

She had just made a note about the differences in amounts used in brewing a particular herb when she felt someone sit down next to her. Looking up, Nel found Selethen smiling at her, glancing at her work curiously for a moment, before asking, "I take it you're feeling better?"

If it was anyone else, Nel would've rolled her eyes. Instead she just smiled politely, "Yes, I am. Thank you."

"That's good," he said, looking at her book once again, "What are you working on?"

"Um, s-something I started with Malcolm," she answered, "An updated encyclopedia of herbs and medicines, along with how to use them. We've, well, we've discovered a lot of new information and thought that we would write it down and share it."

"Impressive," his voice sounded genuine and Nel felt herself relaxing. Why she had been nervous to tell him that, she didn't know.

"The healers in Mararoc keep similar records."

"You've mentioned them and the university before."

"I have a great deal of respect for doctors and their line of work." he told her, "There are a lot of soldiers I would have lost without them."

Nel blushed at his words, but he continued, "Our doctor in Al Shabah who studied there has kept up his experiments as well, even though he isn't at the university anymore."

"Really?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes." he chuckled at her sudden enthusiasm, "Maajid is constantly requisitioning supplies for the hospital and the experiments. He says that even though he finished his university schooling, he's never done learning."

"I feel the same way. I'd love to meet him, maybe help out in some way." Nel said with a small smile.

"He'd appreciate the help." Selethen assured her, "Especially from someone as accomplished as you."

Nel shook her head immediately, her expression falling as she avoided his gaze, "I'm not accomplished though. I don't even deserve to be called a doctor at this point."

Selethen looked at her critically, "Is this about the assassins?"

Nel didn't answer and he sighed, "That wasn't your fault. You weren't the one who killed them."

"I literally put the poison in their bodies." she whispered.

Selethen shook his head, "Unknowingly."

"That doesn't change anything."

"It changes everything," he insisted. Selethen grabbed her chin, much like he had the other day, and forced her to look up at him. His gaze was intense and if he wasn't holding her there, she wouldn't have been able to keep looking at him.

"In the middle of battle, when both sides are fighting each other and you can't tell friend from foe because of all of the blood and weapons and fighting, if an archer shoots an arrow from a great distance and accidentally shoots an ally instead of the enemy next to him, would he be called a killer?"

"Th-That's different." she tried to protest.

"Answer the question Aranel. Would he be considered a killer?"

"Of course not." she whispered.

"Why not?" he asked her, "He went into the battle with the sole intention of harming someone. He was there for no reason other than to kill someone. He just killed the wrong person by accident."

"That's different." She said again, "The archer was doing his duty, he was trying to help his ally! Anything could've happened! The wind could've shifted and changed the arrow's course! The ally could've accidentally jumped in front of the arrow because they didn't see it! The enemy could've pushed them in front of them on purpose! The archer could've stumbled and messed up his aim!"

Her voice had risen without her knowing, drawing the attention of the crew nearby. Nel pulled away from Selethen, embarrassed. When the crew went back to their tasks, although still sending an awkward glance their way once in a while, he spoke up again.

"Doesn't that situation sound similar to you?"

"I don't know what you mean." she mumbled.

"You were doing your duty." he said softly, "You were trying to help. And, unlike the archer, you weren't there to kill someone. You went in there trying to save the lives of the people who tried to kill you."

"I-I don't-"

"If you can forgive the archer, why can't you forgive yourself?" Selethen asked.

She refused to meet his gaze. Finally, she sighed, "I'll…think about it."

"Thank you." She didn't have to look at him to know that he was smiling.

Nel finally looked back up, watching the crew. She didn't know anything about sailing, and this ship wasn't designed with the Heron sail plan, but she knew they were making good progress. The wind had been favorable so far.

Glancing out of the corner of her eye, she saw that he had turned to watch the crew as well. They were still sending looks in their direction once in a while, but seemed to be giving the couple their space. Nel thought back to their wedding night, wondering if she had overreacted. He didn't seem to hate her now. Maybe he had just been tired. He'd been nothing but kind the entire time they'd been on the ship.

"Are you excited to be returning home?" she decided to ask.

"Yes," he said truthfully, "As amazing as traveling may be, the feeling of returning home is even better in my opinion. I've been gone for months now and-"

He suddenly winced as his words sunk in and turned to her with an apologetic look.

"It's fine." she said before he could speak, looking back down at her notes but not registering them, "Besides, Al Shabah's my new home, right?"

"Right," he agreed, looking uncomfortable.

"It's fine," she repeated, "Besides, I asked you."

"It's a nice place," he whispered, "I know I seem biased, but it really is. The people are friendly, the food's amazing, and…"

He trailed off, his attempt at describing her new home seeming to fall flat. Nel admitted defeat, shutting her books, before turning to face him again, "What's your favorite part?"

He looked at her, confused, "Excuse me?"

"Of Arrida and Al Shabah," she clarified, "What's your favorite thing about it?"

Selethen thought about it for a moment before a small smile returned to his face, "On very still nights, when there aren't any clouds, the stars get reflected off the water and it's like you become surrounded by little points of light."

"That sounds amazing."

"It is." he agreed with a small laugh.

"I-I didn't know you enjoyed the stars so much." Nel said.

"My mother's influence." he told her, "We use the stars to navigate, but she taught me to see them in other ways. She loved the stars and I remember that she would spend hours telling me stories about the different constellations. I'd fall asleep to her voice like that. My father was always annoyed that we'd stay up so late just to look at the stars."

Nel giggled at the story, her smile growing, "He wasn't a fan?"

Selethen laughed with her, "Not at all. He said they were tools, nothing more. Yet he never stopped us from watching them. Once in a while, he even joined us, questioning all my mother's stories at every turn."

"You must miss them." Nel said sadly.

"Some days are harder than others," he admitted, "But I'm lucky enough to have memories of them. What about you? What was your favorite thing in Araluen?"

"It's, well, it's going to sound silly," she muttered, "but I loved the sunsets. There was just something about watching the rays and the colors, it seemed magical. My dad raised me in a cabin just outside Redmont and he'd take me to the roof so I could watch it set above the treetops."

"Halt seems like a good father," he said softly.

"The best," she agreed, looking down at her hands, twisting her new wedding band around her finger. It was a new habit she had picked up, much like when she rubbed her palm. It wasn't a very fancy ring, just a silver band with something engraved in it, a word in Arridan. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he responded immediately.

Nel pressed her lips into a thin line, eyebrows furrowed for a moment, before she held up her hand, looking at the ring intently, "What does this mean?"

The Wakir looked at her as if it should've been obvious, "It's a wedding ring. It means you're married."

"N-Not that!" she stammered out, "I-I meant the writing!"

"Oh!" he exclaimed in realization, looking embarrassed for once, "That. Well, it's a tradition in my family actually."

"It is?"

Selethen nodded, "My great-great-grandfather began it. Every male in our family has followed it since. Do you remember when I told you that most Arridi marriages are arranged?"

At her nodding, he continued, "Well, my great-great-grandfather grew up next door to my great-great-grandmother. He apparently loved her his entire life, but was very shy and scared that she would reject him."

"That's sad."

"Very," he agreed, "The worst part was, she felt the same way, but was also too scared to tell him. When they got older and it became time for them to get married, both of them were heartbroken at the thought of marrying someone else, yet they still didn't admit anything to each other."

"Then how did they…" Nel started but trailed off when she saw Selethen's smile.

"She went to her father and begged him to arrange the marriage. She told her father how she felt. Her father was against it, certain that she was setting herself up for heartbreak. What neither of them knew was that my grandfather had gone to his father to beg for the very same thing. He agreed and reached out to her father to begin the negotiations."

"When they were finally settled, or close to it at least, her father demanded to meet with him, have a final talk to make sure that he would be able to take care of her, give her everything she would ever need. She overheard the conversation and at first, she was elated. She was getting what she wanted. Then, she heard him say something. Every time I was told the story, what she overheard would change. No one's ever been able to give me a direct answer." Selethen laughed at the memory, "But essentially, she misunderstood it and thought that he was miserable, that he didn't want to be forced into marrying her. She was devastated."

"What happened then?" Nel asked.

"Well, when he found out, he immediately went out to have a ring made for her, with his name etched onto it. When he gave it to her, he finally told her everything, how long he'd been in love with her, how he only ever wanted to make her happy, and how she was the only one he'd ever wanted. He said that she could keep the ring as a constant reminder of that, that it meant that even though their marriage was technically arranged, she would be the one he would choose even if it wasn't." Selethen finished.

"He really did all that just for her?" Nel was amazed.

"He really did." Selethen confirmed, smiling widely again, "Later, that same ring became her wedding ring. When their son got married, he honored his parents' story by putting his own name into his betrothed's ring. A tradition had started."

"So," she looked down at her ring again, staring at it in a new light, "this is-"

"My name." Selethen finished, holding her hand and running his thumb over the word, "I had it made in Araluen. That day we started our dance lessons and I left early; it was to pick this up."

He cleared his throat uncomfortably, "I hope you don't mind. I didn't mention it before giving it to you or anything like that."

"I don't mind." she assured him, smiling softly, "I love it. Not many people have traditions like this anymore."

"No, they don't." Selethen agreed, "Were you just curious about what was written there?"

She nodded, "I didn't know if it was an Arridi custom or something like that. Although, that does remind me, I was, um, I was actually hoping I could ask you to, well, maybe you could help- I mean, I wanted to learn how to-"

Nel groaned to herself at her stammering mess of words. She had been doing so well with speaking up until that point. Selethen just seemed to be looking at her in deeper confusion as it went on. Once again, she felt her cheeks flare up and then she said in a rush, "IwanttolearnArridi."

It took a minute for him to decipher her words, a minute in which she could've happily died of embarrassment, but eventually he did.

"You do know that most everyone in Arrida speaks the Common Language, right?" he asked, "You don't actually need to learn Arridan."

"I-I know," she said, eyes focused on her hands which had moved to simply laying in her lap, Selethen's hand still holding hers, "but it's something I should do anyway."

Selethen watched her thoughtfully for a moment before nodding, "Ok. Do you want to start now?"

"N-Now?"

He shrugged, "Why not? There isn't much else to keep us occupied right now. May I?"

Selethen gestured to her notebook and charcoal pen at the last two words. Quickly she handed them over to him, watching as he turned to a blank page and started writing.

"Here is our alphabet. It's fairly basic. The hardest part of our language is the pronunciation, but reading and writing should be fairly simple…"