Chapter Twenty Two

"It is a pleasure to meet you, your excellence." The man in front of her gave her the typical Arridi greeting, moving his hand from lips, to his head, and then back to his lips.

Nel immediately shook her head, "Oh please, just call me Nel. I-I-I hate formalities."

He smiled politely, "Nel then."

The man she was talking to was Maajid, the lead tabib of the hospital in Al Shabah. He was around her height with a large, friendly smile that Nel couldn't help but return.

She and Selethen had spent the morning taking a tour of the town before he'd brought her to the hospital. It had been even busier than the one in Araluen, much to her surprise. A two story building, it rivaled the size of the khadif with sections dedicated to medicine creation, to surgeries, to a clinic, and to research. There was even a wing for patients that had to stay at the hospital for long-term care, something that the hospital in Araluen didn't have. Nel had walked in and caught the scent of herbs, hearing the bustle of the patients being moved around, and felt instantly at home. No matter what country she was in, hospitals had a universal language of their own.

"The Wakir told me that you trained in Araluen?" Maajid was asking, bringing her attention back to the conversation.

"Yes." she nodded, "My teacher, Malcolm, is the greatest doctor in Araluen. I was very lucky to be able to study under him for so long. I'd be honored if I could help out here as well in any capacity. I'm eager to continue learning."

"From what I've heard, you've essentially already gotten an education equivalent to that of our university." he smiled playfully. Nel blushed, glancing at Selethen. He just smiled back.

Maajid continued, "I'd love to have you on staff here and my medical books are at your disposal. Any help we can get is always appreciated. We have plenty of volunteers who come in to help with the simpler tasks, but there is always more to be done."

"I agree. Every healer I've ever met always has a list of tasks that never grows shorter." she said.

"I think you'll fit in just fine here." he laughed, "Allow me to give you the tour."

He gestured to the door behind him and Nel grinned. She'd decided that Selethen and her family may have a point. While the death of the Genovesans had been horrifying, she wasn't entirely at fault for it. She could share some of it, she was careless enough to leave her room unlocked and her supplies out in the open, but at the end of the day, she was simply the weapon someone else had decided to use. She never blamed the sword that had wounded her patients, only the soldier that wielded it. Therefore, using that logic, she couldn't blame herself completely. It was a decision that she had thought long and hard about ever since discussing it with Selethen on their trip to Al Shabah and now that she had made it, she wasn't going to second-guess herself anymore.

She loved practicing medicine. She wanted to keep doing it. It was as simple as that.

Nel gladly followed Maajid through the door.

Nel found herself settling into a routine within a week of arriving in her new home.

Her days were filled with studying and research, making progress on her encyclopedia. Maajid and her spent hours together, comparing healing techniques between the two countries and learning from each other. Both had a passion for medicine that rivaled the other's and they bonded quickly. This led to Nel spending plenty of time in the hospital working under Maajid and he was more than willing to share his expertise to help her encyclopedia. Most of her time in the hospital was spent creating medicines and bandages, as the people of Al Shabah weren't quite ready to trust her as their doctor. Maajid never made her feel discouraged about it though, often thanking her for the long hours she put in during the afternoon. He hadn't been kidding about how quickly they went through supplies in the hospital.

"Just making the supplies we use helps more than you know." he kept reassuring her.

Her and Selethen had fallen into a bit of a routine as well.

They often spent the morning together, continuing her language lessons. He insisted that they only speak Arridi during breakfast, so their conversations tended to repeat due to her limited vocabulary, but Nel felt like she was slowly improving. After breakfast they would work on reading and writing the language itself, which she was much better at. They didn't see each other after that, both with their own duties to attend to, and he wouldn't return until well after she had fallen asleep for the night.

Nel didn't spend a lot of time interacting with the people of Al Shabah outside of the hospital either. Whenever she had to go to the market or anything like that, people kept their distance, whispering softly among themselves. They were polite and respectful, but certainly not friendly. She understood the unspoken message. She was 'the Araulen'. Despite what had happened when she first arrived, the show of respect, they didn't trust her. Nel wasn't sure that they ever would or that she could blame them.

Before she knew it, three weeks had gone by.

Nel woke up in the morning and, as always, her first thoughts were of her family and the war.

Right now, she knew her father had been in Toscana for some time, and Gilan would've arrived in Skandia not long after she'd gotten to Arrida. Will and Horace would still have some time before they got to Nihon-Ja, but there hadn't been any word or update on the Temujai just yet. The only thing she knew was that Atanyan had sent soldiers to Toscana, which is where the alliance planned on making its stand.

"Thinking about anything interesting?" a voice interrupted her thoughts.

Rolling over, Nel saw Selethen watching her, amused. Ignoring his bare chest, which she wasn't sure she would ever get used to, Nel answered his question with one of her own, "How did you know I was awake?"

"Your breathing changes when you wake up." he explained quickly, "It's something I've noticed."

"You…did?"

He nodded, "When you sleep, your breaths are steadier, deeper, like you're more relaxed. When you wake up, it's like you're somehow trying to breathe quietly."

Nel was shocked and touched that he had noticed such a minute detail about her, especially since she thought they had seen each other so rarely, "I didn't realize that."

He shrugged, leaning back against his pillow, "So, what has you so deep in thought when you wake up?"

"The war." she said truthfully, "Where my family is. The plan against the Temujai."

"Your family will be fine," Selethen responded quickly, "They're survivors."

Nel debated how to respond to that. If he were anyone else, she wouldn't hesitate to glare at him for his words, but their friendship, if she could even call it that, was still too new. She didn't want to risk it by seeming annoyed.

Instead, she gave a resigned sigh, "Please don't tell me what you think I want to hear. This is a war and Rangers aren't untouchable."

"Of course, my apologies." He sounded so formal.

Her gaze examined his own, trying to find some trace of softness there. She had tried letting down her walls around him and, to an extent, it had worked. Spending every morning talking to him helped. She didn't stutter nearly as much and was able to keep some of her embarrassment in check, but it was like he was always wearing a mask, as if he was trying so hard to be what everyone else was expecting, wanting, him to be instead of just being himself. Nel was no closer to figuring her husband out than the day she had first met him, yet he still held that look that went straight to her core. Like he could see every piece of her soul.

"Are you worried about the plan itself?" he was asking her.

"To an extent." She said quietly, "I don't understand battle plans or taking over a country, but I'm wondering if it will work. My father has to hold the Temujai off through the winter until the main part of their reinforcements arrive. It's a tall order for someone who's vastly outnumbered."

"The Toscans are constantly training new men and Arridi soldiers will be arriving any day." Selethen said, "Once the snows come, the Temujai won't be able to make it through the mountain passes to invade."

"Hmmm." Nel thought over his words. It was true that Toscans only got snow in the mountains, rarely ever receiving any in their main cities, but Nel worried anyway. It seemed like there was something missing from the plan, but untrained in strategy as she was, she couldn't see it.

"It will be a long, hard battle, but Toscana will be safe," her husband continued, oblivious to her worries, "The toughest part will be reclaiming all of the fallen countries as King Duncan proposed."

"Do you think it's possible?"

"Anything is possible, given the right circumstances."

"So you don't think we should do it." she whispered. It was meant to be a question, but her voice fell flat at the end.

Selethen was quick to shake his head, sitting back up and facing her, "I never said that. I just think we need to be careful. If we overextend ourselves, the Temujai will have no trouble taking all of us in one blow."

"But what about the other countries?" she asked timidly.

"My heart goes out to them and I want to help each one of them take back their homes," he assured her, "But Duncan's plan is too ambitious. Battles take time, especially during a war like this. If we don't do this properly, we run the risk of losing our only chance to stop the Temujai. I just don't think that Duncan has realized this. He's simply eaten too much."

Nel looked at him in confusion, "...Eaten too much?"

Selethen nodded, "Eaten too much."

"W-What do you mean by…" Nel's words failed her, but for once it wasn't because of her own nerves.

"Eaten too much. I heard the phrase in Araluen. It's more than he can handle." Selethen explained, but his eyes widened in shock when Nel started laughing.

She couldn't help it. She tried to stop, but the giggles kept escaping her lips, fueled by the confused furrow of Selethen's eyebrows.

"B-Bitten off more than he can chew." she finally got out between her giggles, "Th-The phrase is bitten off more than he can chew!"

"That's what I said!"

Nel just shook her head, still laughing.

Selethen grumbled goodnaturedly, "I'm glad that my mistakes humor you so much."

"I'm sorry." she said, still smiling up at him, "It's just, well, you seem to do everything so perfectly that messing up a common phrase seemed so funny."

Selethen raised an eyebrow at her, "Are you saying I'm perfect?"

A blush immediately overtook her, "W-Well, I, um, it j-just-"

Now it was Selethen's turn to laugh as she became a stuttering mess, his deep chuckle reverberating around the otherwise silent room.

Her blush deepened, but she shut her mouth tightly, refusing to give him any more stuttering.

"There are worse compliments you could give someone," he grinned proudly.

Nel groaned silently, burying her face in her pillow and mumbling to herself.

She heard him chuckle again, "What was that?"

"Nothing."

"I somehow doubt that."

Nel turned away from him again, "New topic please."

She didn't have to see him to know that he was smiling still.

"As you wish. What are your plans for the day?"

Nel took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm back down so she wouldn't stutter, and turned to look at him again, ignoring the smug look on his face, "Maajid has to make deliveries to his patients who aren't able to go to the hospital, so I thought I'd stay home today, continue my research."

"Do you ever not work?"

"I wonder the same about you." she admitted.

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking at her curiously.

"After you leave here." she said softly, avoiding his gaze, "You seem to go and work all day long, not returning until late at night."

"Being Wakir requires a lot of me," he told her, sounding rehearsed as if he had to explain this to many people, "Al Shabah is one of the largest regions in Arrida. Since most of the standing army is being sent to the war, there's a lot more work that I have to do, in addition to my duties as Captain of the Guard."

"Right." she whispered, "That makes sense. I-I know you're very busy, I just don't want to see you overwork yourself."

"I don't mind the work."

"I'm sure, but, well, have you ever thought about pulling back a little? Just so you don't have to take on so much?"

Selethen gave her a confused look, "I'm not even sure how I would do that."

"What about Aloom?" Nel asked with a small shrug.

"What about him?" Selethen asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Couldn't you let him take over your duties as Captain?" she suggested, biting her lip as she looked up at him, "That way you could focus on the war and such?"

He stared at her, wide-eyed, "You want me to resign as Captain of the Guard?"

"N-Not resign!" she said hurriedly, "J-Just take a break! Temporarily! Until the war is over!"

"That could be years!" he was sitting up straight now, practically looming over her. Nel felt herself start to shrink as he listened to her, apparently outrageous, suggestion, "You don't give up a position like that for years Aranel! Not only would I lose the trust of my soldiers, but it wouldn't be fair to Aloom either! I can't 'temporarily' promote him just to take back the title whenever I want!"

"S-Sorry." Nel almost squeaked out, hands clenched around the blanket nervously, "I just wanted to help, you always seem so busy and-"

"Of course I'm busy!" he burst out, "I'm never not going to be busy! That's my life!"

"But it doesn't have to be!" she insisted, "You have people who can help you! Aloom was just the first one who came to mind, but I'm sure there are others who-"

"Who have their own jobs just like I have mine! I can't push off my own work onto other people! They trust me to do my job and that's what I'm going to do!" he yelled, glaring at her.

"I-I-I never said that you shouldn't do your job!" Nel sat up, balling her hands into fists under the blanket to try to get them to stop shaking, "I was just saying that you don't have to do every job! I thought-"

"You didn't think!" Selethen interrupted her angrily, "You don't think about anything except you, your family, what you want, how it affects you! You don't think anything through!"

Nel's eyes widened. She had no clue how he had gotten so mad so quickly and she didn't know what to do as he kept yelling.

"Look, this isn't Araluen, I have hundreds of people counting on me here! I can't only focus on those close to me like you apparently can! And don't give me that helpless, injured look! You're a grown woman! I'm not going to treat you like your family did, like you live in a little bubble and they have to tiptoe around you in case you break! And I'm not going to let you start making demands, especially when you have no clue what you're talking about!"

Selethen had gotten out of the bed at this point, standing over it as he yelled, which only made Nel want to shrink down even more. It was an instinct that she tried very hard to resist, biting her tongue to stop herself from reacting, but his words cut straight to her heart.

"I can't resign as Captain and I'm needed as Wakir more than ever! This is how my life is, Aranel, and you're going to need to get used to it!"

"I-I-I'm not asking you to change your life!" she tried, "Just to not overwork yourself! You always seem so busy, y-y-your schedule seems so full, I just wanted to try to help!"

Selethen scoffed, "If you want to help, then you can stop wasting my time! My schedule and duties would be just fine if I wasn't sitting around for hours every morning teaching you a language you don't even need to learn!"

Nel did gasp at that. He couldn't possibly be blaming her for all of this, was he? The hurt must have shown on her face because his immediately fell, stopping himself from yelling even more.

Nel stood up, setting her mouth in a thin line and forcing her tears not to fall. She'd done more than enough crying lately.

"I forgot, I need to grab something from the market," she said cooly, walking to the closet and grabbing the first outfit she saw, "I hope you don't mind if I miss breakfast?"

She didn't wait for a response, headed towards the bathroom, desperately wanting some privacy.

Selethen reached out a hand to stop her, "Aranel, I-"

"My name is Nel." she said coldly, shutting the door behind her. A few minutes later she heard him leave. Only then did she break down, refusing to let anyone see her weakness anymore.

As soon as he said them, he regretted the words. He knew he had gone too far and the hurt in her eyes stabbed at his heart. Even worse was when they grew hard and closed off not two seconds later, looking completely detached from the situation as she excused herself from the room.

Selethen sighed, getting ready for the day in a daze before he left, thinking the morning over.

It has started off well. Yes, they had discussed the war, but there had also been teasing, friendliness, even a little light flirting. He had loved seeing her flustered and embarrassed, even more so because it was his comments that made her that way. He took pride in knowing he could make her as flustered as she could make him.

But that's what it boiled down to: pride.

He'd overreacted to her suggestion because of pride.

He'd insulted her, because of pride.

He'd let his anger get the better of him, because of pride.

Atanyan had always said it would be his downfall. He'd made that very clear during their training sessions. Selethen was too much like his father in that way.

Selethen could remember his father's tempers. He remembered how the mountain of a man would keep it inside, letting it build and build, until he finally exploded, much like Selethen had just done. Selethen had been so angry for so long, it had finally burst out. Aranel just happened to be the unlucky one who he took it out on.

The only difference was that his mother had always been able to calm his father down, soothing him with just a few words. And he had never raised his voice to her. She was always the exception.

Selethen sighed to himself before walking down the stairs and to his office, ignoring the curious looks of the guards as he walked passed.

He wished that his own marriage could mirror his parents' a little more. True, they had known each other long before they were engaged, but they hadn't fallen in love until after they were married. Still, they had always seemed to fit together, balancing the other out. He could only hope that one day he and Aranel could learn to do the same.

Selethen knew that Aranel didn't deserve his anger. She was doing her best to settle into her new life here, but he could count on one hand the friends she had here: 1. Maajid. He couldn't even consider himself to be his wife's friend, especially not right now. He truly regretted everything that he had said.

But, hadn't she just proved everything he said…wrong?

Selethen made it into his office, still lost in thought, and sat down at his desk, rubbing his chin.

He'd insulted her in so many ways, said so many hurtful things, and yet…

Aranel hadn't broken. Yes, she looked scared and hurt and it killed him that he was the reason she looked that way, but she hadn't broken. She'd stood up, tall and proud, and hadn't stuttered once as she essentially dismissed him. He was honestly a little jealous at how easily she'd been able to do that.

Aranel was normally an open book. She let her emotions play out all across her face, but the second she had closed herself off, it was like she was a different person. She hadn't broken.

Thinking back to when they had been in Araluen, the one time she came close to falling apart had been when dancing with her father, which had been more of a goodbye than anything. During the assassination attempt, she'd kept her head, she'd identified a poison, and then immediately jumped into a surgery. She hadn't broken. The few times she had even been emotional had been around her family, had been when she was surrounded by people she loved and trusted completely.

Selethen groaned, rubbing his forehead in an attempt to get rid of the 'I'm-such-an-idiot' headache.

She'd trusted him. She'd let her guards down. That's why she felt so comfortable suggesting what she did. She'd agreed to give him a chance and she had.

And him, being the perfect husband he was, completely ruined it.

That's why he felt the need to be so careful around her. She had trusted him, but he hadn't trusted her. He didn't believe in the quiet strength that everyone else saw in her.

But he had just seen it for himself that morning as she shut him out.

Aranel hadn't deserved his anger. Selethen hated himself for his excuses. Giving her lessons in the morning wasn't affecting his schedule, he couldn't blame her for it.

Truthfully, Selethen was staying in his office until she fell asleep on purpose, avoiding her. He found reasons to stay busy late into the night, not wanting to face any possible awkwardness.

It was a coward's way out and he knew it.

In the morning it was easy. They both had places to be eventually. They had a limit.

At night it was entirely different, and the only way he felt like he could breathe was if she was asleep.

Weapons, battles, haggling. All of that he could handle with ease.

His wife?

He felt more lost than a man with no water after a sandstorm blew away his map. The only thing he could do was make a wild guess and hope that he'd find a soak.

Selethen groaned again. He knew that he would have to make this up to her, apologize somehow.

How did he do that though?

She was a doctor, did he buy her herbs? A new medical book? Bandages?

His gaze finally fell on the papers on his desk, seeing a message from the Emrikir on top. It must've arrived early this morning as he'd been at his desk late into the previous night, but it wasn't marked 'urgent' or it would've been brought to him immediately.

Deciding it was as good a distraction as any, he opened it, reading through the sloped handwriting quickly.

'Seley el'then,

I have received word that our troops have arrived without issue in Toscana. The Riders have made no move to infiltrate the country as of yet, but we shouldn't let down our guard.

No news has come from Skandia or Nihon-Ja, but their travels are much further. The Toscan Senate does want to start evacuating their country through the winter, just to be safe. I've opened Arrida's borders to the refugees, so be prepared to receive them in the coming months. I've informed the other Wakirs and Wakils of my decision as well.

I'd like to have the problem of the Tualaghi settled by then, so you have my permission to seek out Umar of the Bedullin for an alliance.

In other news, I hope you are finding that married life agrees with you. I know you must resent me for forcing you to marry a frightened jackrabbit, but trust me when I say this is for the best. I hope you keep in mind the discussion we had in Araluen regarding the situation.

As for the rest of it, my wife and I were never given children and you know how much she wishes she'd had one. I hope that it is not the same for you and Miss Nellie, that you have many children to include in your life together.

Until next time,

Atanyan.'

Selethen clenched his jaw at the note, forcing himself to not crumple it up and burn the thing.

"Frightened jackrabbit', he wouldn't have called her a frightened jackrabbit if he'd seen her this morning!' Selethen thought angrily, tossing the paper across his desk, 'And then to turn around and-and-'

He couldn't even finish the thought, angry as he was. He knew that part of it was still his anger from this morning, finding something else to be mad about, but he didn't really care. The reminder of what they had discussed in Araluen was bad enough, but now the Emrikir was practically guilting him into having children! As if he didn't already know that the only way for Atanyan or his wife to have a grandchild would be through him! Selethen knew that she longed for a baby, a grandchild to dote on, but he also knew that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, maybe never if he and Aranel couldn't learn to live together. He hadn't even discussed it with Aranel yet, he had no clue if she wanted kids to begin with. Selethen knew that he wanted to wait until she was ready, otherwise it just left like he was forcing himself on her, but kids were another matter altogether!

He groaned back again, back to rubbing his forehead. When exactly had his life become so confusing?

First things first, he had to start preparing to receive women and children from Toscana. Winter was little more than a month away and he wanted to be prepared. Then he'd have to search for Umar. Last he heard, the Bedullin were spotted not far south of Al Shabah, so he would start there. Grabbing some paper, he got to work, but in the back of his mind, he was still mulling over the morning's events.

Professor: Translation:
Tabib means 'doctor' according to Google Translate.
Special thanks to AreiaCannaid on AO3 who pointed out in her comment that 'Wakir' could also be from 'Wazir' or 'Vizer'! I didn't even think of those words or find them online, so thank you so much for your help in finding those! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!
So, full credit to 'Wazir' and 'Vizer' if that is where Flanagan got inspiration from!