Apov

It's been a month since we moved to Vancouver, and it's been quiet. No drama, Ray is enjoying his job and we have dinner together everynight and on weekends he deemed it game night or other activities like fishing or hiking just for us, no phones, no other people since were both kind of busy during the week. It works for us. I've been working on bringing my grades up, and I even started to read again, thanks to Dr.Fylnn. He asked what I was passionate about, and since I couldn't give him a answer, he made it my homework for our next visit to find out what I cared about. It took me forever to figure it out, Ray is the one who mentioned I liked to read an that when I was little, I always had a book and anytime i got a new one I always wanted to go show christian. He said we would go over there and christian and I would go in the backyard under the tree and just read my books. He looked like he was enjoying the memory, I can somewhat remember a toothless christian by a tree and he was smiling but that is it. I must of forgot since Carla never had any books and I was so miserable that I only attended school because i had to, not because I enjoyed it.

Anyways im sitting in the school library enjoying my free period, theres only ten minutes left of school and then I got to head to see the good doctor. He said this would be our last session, he thinks i dont need him anymore, but told me if I needed anything I could always call him. So i started packing my bag and as the bell rang someone walked into the library, It was the principal and looked like she was showing someone around, must be a new student. I snuck around the bookcase and exit the building, the principal is a talker and I have somewhere to be that rather not be late, do to her chatter. I'll most likely see the new student around tomorrow anyways since theres only so many students that go to Vancouver High.

I Walk into Dr.Fylnn office and the receptionist greets me and tells me he will just be a moment, so I take a seat, while waiting for some reason my mind drifts to a pair grey eyes. A part of me wonders if he is ok, an i hope he doesnt hate me for not saying goodbye. Not that i had a choice but it was for the best. I dont think he would of let me leave if i had to say goodbye and something inside me couldnt handle that. When it comes to Christian all i can really remember is his eyes and how he always looked like a lost little boy, well except for those times he would pend me and kiss me like I was his lifeline. It was moments like those I could see the man inside him, with so much passion, a force to be reckon with.

"Ana Dr.Fylnn will see you know"

I could feel my cheeks redden, I was so lost in thought about a kiss that only happened twice, that I didnt hear her call my name, shaking my head I got up and walked into the office.

" Ahh Ana, you must of been in deep thought if it took you five minutes to coms into my office, usually your right in, what was on your mind"

crap I could feel my cheeks redding again, this is so embarrassing. We havent talked about Christian, we have talked about everyone but him, I guess you can say I avoided that conversation but, just like everything else in life you cant avoid everything.

" Um I was thinking of a grey eye boy. His name is Christian."

" oh thats a new name, did you meet him at school?"

" not exactly, he's a Grey. Christian Grey. um Mia's Brother. I guess we lived next to each other, back when I lived with Carla the first time, im the reason he was found alone and hungry. An got adopted by the Grey's."

" Oh I see, and why are we just now mentioning him, seems he was good part of your childhood"

" because it seems I blocked most of my memories with him. I can remember times with mia and kate and Ray says christian was there two. That we was two peas in a pod but when I think of those memories all I get is a Grey shadowy figure."

" I see, you said Christian has Grey eyes, maybe thats why you see a grey shadow figure. Why do you think you block him out though? If he is a big part of your life, you think you would remember?"

" I honestly dont know, I know im always looking at the grey figure and i seemed happy but i just thought maybe there was something wrong with my memory or eyes"

" ahh well i dont see any glasses on you and at your age you would know if you needed them. Did you happen to do something, or regret something"

I didnt respond for a good few minutes, I had to think about my memory. I remember playing with the shadow, I remember reading with it, I remember always saying ill see him again and that i would be back. My eyes went wide and it was like a switch little christian face took over the shadow figure. Everything I ever done had him in it, I remember seeing him at the hospital all of it.

" Ana dear are you ok?"

" yea it was like a switch or a door unlocked. Christian was my everything, he was my bestfriend."

" So why do you think you blocked it out"

" multiple reason, so i wouldnt hurt missing him, that I lied and said I would see him again that I would be back, I hurt him"

it feels like a vail has been lifted but with that comes pain, I mean he was right there and i didnt remember him and I sort of treated him like shit. It explains why I had the urge to protect him when the cops try to arrest him.

" Ana I know it seems like alot but I feel this was a major break thru for you. It seems it all came down to him, and I can tell a major weight came off your shoulder but guilt is clouding your face. You shouldnt let it, you been through so much, it was only natural for you to protect yourself. Maybe one day you will have the chance to explain it to him."

I want to cry it explains so much

" It explains why I was attached to him and didnt understand it. I just thought it was a attraction. It explains why when Carla's boyfriend almost raped me that I yelled that name, I couldnt figure that out."

" you yelled his name? why didnt you mention it at our first session, that could of saved you alot of time"

" I didnt think it important"

" speaking of that peice of shit, pardon my unprofessional french"

i started laughing Dr.Fylnn always surprises me.

" I did some digging took me awhile but like perfect timing, our last day, I found out about the boyfriend, he's alive, he's in jail for assult and drug charges and doesnt seem he gonna see the light of day ever again. Your not a murderer Ana"

he smiling at me, its like my brain shut down, what did he just say?

"Ana did you hear me? This is good news. He got his karma, your not a murderer"

'silence'

he said I wasnt a murderer, that he was in jail for a long time. I jumped up and hugged Dr.Fylnn. He looked uncomfortable but eventually he gave in and hugged me back.

" this is so unprofessional but it really looked like you needed it, Ana its time to be the girl you was always meant to be, the one who should of never left? The little girl you left with your day"

Im ugly crying now, i feel so free its unreal. I remember everything and im not a murderer. Dr.Fylnn was worth every penny Ray spent. I stepped away and told Im sorry, I had no words and felt the need to hug someone. He said he understood, but sadly our last session was over. Told me go and finally live my life.

I walked out of his office with a hop in my step. I made it to the house and say Ray car in the drive way, I ran inside a hugged him, I hugged him for me, I hugged him for the little girl inside of me, he was so shocked he forgot to hug me back.

"Annie sweetie is everything ok?"

he was so worried about me he couldnt even just hug me without thinking something happened.

" Everything is fine dad, I had my last session and it was everything"

" Your last session? Are you sure, if its the money, dont worry about that...Wait did you just call me dad?"

I smiled at him and told him yes, and that Dr.Fylnn said I was good, and i agreed i felt great. Then thats when I realised I needed to tell him everything, so we could move on together, even though I know it will hurt him but its for the best, I dont want to forget or live in the past, I want to move forward, so I told him to sut proceeded to telling him everything, about forgetting christian, the rape, how i thought i was a murderer. Everything