Chapter 5

By altering one word, I could feel the shift in Rey's energy before we closed our respective ends of the bond. It moved in a positive direction.

I didn't know what I was doing anymore. I was trying to deny it, but the pull I felt towards Rey was growing stronger it was almost painful.

I recalled all the moments we had had before I took her prisoner-being so intrigued by this pretty scavenger during my first interrogation, offering to become her teacher on several occasions, when she marred me with her sabre, when our hands touched when she was on Ahch-To. My desire to bring her into the Dark was quickly being swallowed whole by my desire to join her in the Light. I just didn't know if I had the strength to do it.

Even more striking was the fact that, with Rey around, the voices in my head had become so much quieter. I could go almost entire days without my mind being invaded by the voices of Snoke, of Palpatine, of my grandfather. No, not of my grandfather-of Darth Vader.

Rey's presence was doing so much for me. She was a burst of sunshine in this cold, desolate space. I wondered how amazing being around her would be when she was in her element, on some flowering planet basking in a garden of golden beams of sunlight.

Yet I would always remind myself of how she would reject me. She couldn't accept me, after everything I've done to the Resistance, done to her. If I saw her in that garden, it'd be before I was executed or sent to exile. I'd simply be the dark king of the underworld, on the edge of the sun patch, wanting to snatch up this goddess of light.

Maybe it would be enough to show her I could be better. Maybe it didn't matter if it meant certain death for me, or if she would always resent me. At least she would know her work paid off.

Suddenly, the bond reopened. Her small bed was suddenly in the open space of my room, perpendicular to the bottom corner of mine, so our beds shaped into an L. Rey was under the covers, with only her shoulder peeking out. The stars through my window lit up her face, and the soft wave of her brown hair that caressed it. Although she looked lovely, she was not sleeping peacefully. Quite the opposite-her eyebrows were pulled down hard, like she was concentrating. Her eyes were clenched shut, and she looked like she was in pain.

She began writhing, and then turned so her back was facing me. her arm shot out at her side, and she clutched the coverlet. My heart beat hard once in my chest at the sight, of thinking she might be hurting even in slumber.

"Ben," she whimpered out, suddenly. I froze where I was now propping myself up on my forearms. "Please." She was pleading. I couldn't see into her dream, it was as if she had shut herself off from me. What was I doing in that altered plane? Was I hurting her?

She flipped back around to where she was facing me and her hands found purchase again on the edge of the cover. She clutched it fiercely. I wanted to reach out to her, to wake her and tell her that whatever unfathomable thing I was doing in her dream, I would never do in reality.

With a sudden, shuddering sigh, her side of the bond opened, and I could see into her mind if I let myself peer in. Another moan escaped her lips, and I stopped hesitating-I had to know what her subconscious was telling her about me.

I pushed myself into her thoughts, and I only had a second to understand what I was seeing before Rey woke up with a start.

"Ben!" she exclaimed. "Sorry, um, how long have you been able to see me?" I had to blink a couple of times before I replied, still making sense of what I had seen. It was just flashes when I entered, and it was all basked in some soft, warm glow.

"Um, only a couple of minutes," I promised. "I didn't mean to intrude, I thought you might be hurting and I-I wanted to help." Her hand on my back, tearing at my cape. My hand, without my typical gloves on, tangled in her hair.

Oh.

Oh.

I felt a deep flush rush into my face. She must have felt this, because her face and the tips of her ears were crimson as well. I stared at her in silence as she pointedly avoided eye contact. She was dreaming of me, that much was sure. But it wasn't nearly as negative as I had thought.

"Sorry," Rey whispered, her head now hanging in...shame? Embarrassment? And what did she have to apologize for? If anything, it made the pit of my stomach twist in a pleasant way, and I could have grinned at the idea that yes, she was dreaming of me, and not imagining me as some monster she should be afraid of.

"Don't be," I assured her. Rey only continued to stare at her lap as she slouched over, still blushing.

I was tingling at the memory of the flashes of her dreams, until a sour voice entered my head. It's not because she wants you. It hissed. She's lonely, it was just a dream.

Although I was now relishing the image of her hand gripping my shoulder, even though it was still covered by my black tunic, I realized this voice was probably true. After all, she was lonely. I was the only human person she had had contact with in days. And how old was she anyways? Maybe twenty or twenty-one in Standard years? She was a young adult, and dreams like that were a common form of release. I just happened to be the subject because I was the only person around.

That's why she apologized. That's why she was hanging her head. She could probably feel my enlightenment, and she was too kind to tell me that I was feeling what I was feeling for no reason.

"Have you been able to sleep at all?" Her voice interrupted my train of thought.

"No, I haven't," I replied automatically, trying to sound monotone. She frowned.

"You need to sleep, Ben," she chided me softly.

"I don't need much sleep," I shrugged. "And when I do, it's not like it's ever really peaceful anyways." This made her look so concerned I swore I could feel my heart contract.

"I've seen some of your nightmares," she told me. "I'm sorry you have them. I know what it's like, to see have the Dark take over your dreams." She shuddered. I was suddenly looking into her memories, of waking up, alone, afraid, feeling so full of fear and worry it was painful to see.

"I'm sorry you've had to have them, too," I told her softly. I was grateful we were looking into each other's eyes, because I could see hers understand mine so completely I would serve her at her feet if she asked me to in that moment.

"You don't have to go through them alone, you know," she whispered. "I could help you. We could navigate them. Together." Maybe I was the one dreaming, because this felt too within my grasp to believe.

"I don't think I'm strong enough," I stammered out.

"Of course you are," she said, now crawling to the edge of her bed. "Ben, trust me. I know you can handle it. I want you to handle it." The way she pleaded made my heart squeeze with a new torment I hadn't ever felt before.

"After everything I've done? Can you accept that?" I asked. She bit her lip in thought, but then nodded.

"Yes, I can," she confirmed. "If your parents could have, I can too." I didn't deserve this. I was still too Dark and rotten on the inside. All because of her grandfather, I had been theorizing.

"I can't," I protested. "Not with Palpatine still alive."

"Then we can kill him," she retorted. "Together." I was on edge thinking about that, if I would manage to stay Ben until we could achieve that. I felt too fragile, like I could switch back to Kylo Ren any minute.

"It won't work," I started to backtrack. "I won't be able to make it." Before I knew what she was doing, Rey crawled carefully over to me, and kneeled on front of me, next to my outstretched legs. She grabbed my face in both of her warm hands, and looked deep into my eyes.

"Yes, you will," she whispered, the sweetness of her breath brushing over me. "I'll make sure of it."

I watched his deep brown eyes, too large for his face, as they began to water.

"Do you mean that?" He asked dubiously.

"Of course," I replied firmly, imploring him to believe me. I watched as his eyes flicked for a moment to my lips, and I didn't know what he was doing until his face moved a fraction closer to mine.

"Wait," I said, pulling back, taking my hands off of his face.

"What?" He looked concerned, and when he blinked, tears fell down his face, but I could feel he was much calmer now. More resolved. Had I really been able to win him over?

"I, um," I stammered, closing my eyes to gather my thoughts. I exhaled deeply, deciding to just tell him the truth, even though I knew rejecting him right after accepting him was very hypocritical, and could possibly damage what I thought we had just solidified. Still, this whole thing was built on honesty thus far, and it was going to continue being so.

"This is moving very fast," I told him, looking into his eyes which were dry now. "Ben, I feel the connection to you, I do, but I don't know if I...I don't know if it's to be manifested...in this...way." Ben just continued to look at me, and he shut his mouth which had been slightly agape. I held my breath in anticipation of his response.

"I understand, I'm sorry," he said it so understandingly, I felt my heart ache. "This is moving very fast...yesterday I thought I could lure you to the Dark Side, and here I am, willing to follow you into the Light." He flashed me a crooked grin that made my heart squeeze.

"Huh," I laughed and smiled with him. A lock of his thick, black hair moved in front of his face, and I wanted to push it back so badly that I had to flex my hands at my side to stop myself. I couldn't touch him like that after rejecting his kiss. I was very glad my mental shields were up. As were his now.

"I should let you get some sleep," he said softly. I nodded, agreeing that we should both get some sleep. I moved back over to my bed, and I tucked myself back in under my covers.

"Wait, Ben," I called, probably louder than I had to. He was also under his own covers now, which were black and thin. His eyebrows furrowed into a question.

"Will you still want this? I mean, tomorrow. Will you still come with me?" I sounded like I was pleading, and in a way I was. I let my shields drop, and let him feel every bit of frustration and worry and fear and longing and wonder and relief I had been feeling while I'd been here on his ship. I even let him see me meditating, calling out to Finn, imploring him and the rest of my little team to come get me. After he had seen all of this, I let a question ring clear in my head.

Will you come with us? With me?

He was now focused on my eyes, and I couldn't read what he was thinking or feeling because I was busy feeling my stomach flutter at his possible response.

"Yes," he said softly. "Of course I will."

Ben was not the only one who cried tears of relief that night.

The bond dissipated shortly after, but until that time we just stared at each other sleepily, letting our thoughts and feelings flow freely down the bond. He was apprehensive, I could tell. But he was also so different now. Days ago I had to work so hard to see the Light in him. Now, it was like he was basking in it we he looked at me.

I promised myself-and I guess him as well, since he could basically read my mind-that he would make it. That he would make it.

Ben fell asleep seeming quite content with that idea.

When I woke up hours later, I was confused by the artificial lighting that was glowing on one side of my face. I peered over my shoulder to see that...a doorway had appeared in my room? It was a second before I stopped being groggy, and realized that it was just like the doorway to my bathroom, just on the other side of my bed now, facing me.

It led to an identical bathroom, with all-white glistening surfaces. I sat up, craning my head to see into it. The glass shower door was foggy with steam from the running water. Ben was so tall, his head poked over the top of it. My head wasn't clear enough and, before I knew it, the door opened, releasing more steam with it, and Ben stepped out.

My eyes widened as they fell down his frame, and they snapped up just as Ben noticed me.

"Hey!" he called, pulling a black towel around his midriff now.

"Sorry, sorry!" I said, shutting my eyes tight. My face was burning red, and I knew it. His mind was shielded as always, as it had always typically been as long as I'd known him. But my mind was not, I realized too late, and I could feel him suddenly in my mind.

"Get out!" I yelled, opening my eyes to look at him. His face was as red as mine, making his scar somehow look lighter in contrast to the rest of his face.

"Not very easy when you're thoughts are so loud," he muttered. I clenched my eyes shut again and set my jaw. I felt the bond fade, and I peeked open one eye to make sure he was gone. I groaned and covered my head with the covers.

He was so tall, and so muscular, it sort of made me stare at him in awe. His black hair dropped diamonds when he had stepped out of the shower, and when my eyes had trailed down...

I shook my head forcefully. I could not be thinking of him like...that...now. I knew we had work we had to do today. I planned on approaching him about reaching out to Finn. I was worried that last night when I showed him, he'd feel betrayed-but, no, he reassured me that he understands. He knew I was just doing it out of hurt, out of fear. Ben knew all too well about doing things out of hurt and fear. He was just relieved that my actions wouldn't have such painful consequences.

An hour or so later, Ben was at my door, his helmet on, with its glowing red veins. When he wore his helmet, it was so difficult for me to see him as Ben. He looked so stone cold, like he was darkness itself. But when he entered and took his helmet off, he looked pleased to see me. I immediately got out of the desk chair and walked to stand right in front of him.

We just stared at each other, softly smiling, and the way his deep eyes sparkled reminded me of what I had seen of him this morning.

I was a moment too late when my mental defenses flew up. He flushed a dark crimson, and I'm sure I did, too.

"Sorry, sorry," I mumbled, averting my eyes to stare down at a point on the floor, waiting for my flush to fade.

"It's okay, let's just...focus on something else, okay?" He asked, and I could hear amusement in his voice. I nodded and sat on the floor. He took his usual seat in my desk chair.

"So," he started. "About calling out to Finn...I'm afraid you'll have to do that on your own, sweetheart. I can't formally contact him at the Base, for obvious reasons, and I don't think he'll take my calling out to him through the Force very well at all." I was now totally business, and I nodded at that. It was straightforward, but I was stumped when it came to successfully reaching out to Finn.

"It hasn't been working," I told him. "I don't really know what more I can do." It was his turn to nod solemnly, and he began to mull over thoughts I was not allowed to be privy to.

"What are you thinking?" I asked, being polite enough to not prod at his mind. A look of humor flickered across his face at the irony of my question.

"I'm thinking about ideas. We pretty much only have the one."

"We could steal a ship?" I suggested.

"No," Ben shook his head. "They wouldn't understand how you'd manage to get me on there, and the element of surprise is in our favor at the moment-we need to keep it that way. Also, they would just track us down, so it's futile immediately." That was true.

"Ok," I sighed out. "I'll try to reach out to him again, but I don't know if it'll work." I didn't like that this was resting solely on my shoulders.

"It's okay," Ben looked at me with confidence. "I'll help you."

She sat on the floor in front of me in the combat chamber. I decided to not have us do this in the shielded area, just in case that hindered her at all.

"So, just call out to him like I've done in the past?" She asked warily.

"Yes," I assured her, nodding once.

"And how will you be helping?" She asked.

"I'll be...directing your thoughts, I guess." She looked at me a bit cautiously.

"Like, controlling them?" She asked hesitantly.

"No," I tried to sound like I was chuckling but it just made my voice sound gruff. "When you call out to him, I'll be steadying your aim, if that makes sense." She nodded slowly, and I was worried she was still apprehensive about trusting me. Although, after last night, that felt wrong.

"If it feels uncomfortable at all for you, just say the word and I'll stop, okay?" I assured her. She seemed to relax at that.

"Okay," she nodded now, also much more confidently. "I'm ready." She dropped the defenses of her mind, and I watched as she began to meditate, calling the Force around her, calming herself, becoming one with the air around her.

It was charming to see her this way, so in touch with the mystic side of what we could do, so in touch with her own mind. It was inspiring, to feel the Light swirl around her in the atmosphere. Maybe one day it could swirl around us, together.

Finn, I heard her call out. She seemed to be including me in this conversation. Finn, can you hear me?

"Don't ask questions like that, he won't be able to respond," I told her. She nodded. "Just focus on sending the message through." She set her jaw as she went back to concentrating.

Finn, if you can hear me, I'm on the Supremacy. Come find me, please. The way she pleaded made me feel a pang of hurt and jealousy, although I knew she wanted me to go with her and she was only sharing the details she knew FN-2187 could handle.

Kriff, I needed to remember to call him Finn, even in my head.

I blinked hard as I told myself to focus.

Although her focus was admirable, I could feel that it wasn't as strong as it could be. As she reached out, her focus was wide, which was taking much more of her energy than it should. I closed my eyes, and reached out gently, shaping the flow of her energy. Instead of having such a wide breadth, I helped her focus it in a more streamlined way, until the connection was much more narrow, more precise.

"Thank you," Rey whispered to me.

"Of course," I mumbled in reply Automatically. If I wasn't so focused on helping her, I'd have marvelled over the fact that my...kindness was my natural reaction to her. Hell, I'd have marvelled over the idea that I was suddenly kind.

Finn, please, she called. If you can hear me, I'm on the Supremacy. Come get me, please. Another pang of jealousy that she had never called out to me like that.

And she never will, another, much more sinister voice whispered in my head. She's lying to you.

Stop, I told myself. I've seen into her mind, I know she's being completely open with me.

As I pulled out of the war in my mind, I could feel something faint, tickling the edges of Rey's streamlined thoughts.

"Rey," I breathed out, feeling excited. "Can you feel that?"

"Yes," she breathed out, and I could feel her elation. "But be quiet, I need to focus. Sorry." She said it so sweetly I took it as no offence.

The tickling remained, and suddenly it was like it stuck to the stream.

Finn, it's me, Rey, she called again, propelled forward by her excitement. If you can hear me, I'm on the Supremacy. Come get me, please.

We both waited in anticipation, and then we both felt it. Well, heard is probably more accurate. As Rey's mind snapped back the call, we both heard a faint call.

Rey.

We both snapped open our eyes, staring at each in pride. Seeing Rey so happy with herself made me feel so grateful to simply be in her presence. I could see how exhausting the ordeal had been for her, though-she was covered in a sheen of cold sweat and she was breathing more heavily than usual.

"Ben, I think it worked!" She squealed.

"I think it did, too," I told her.

"If he heard me, they'll be here within hours," she said, talking fast now. She stood up slowly, and I wondered if maybe she had an issue with iron deficiency, given how careful she had to be in order to not get lightheaded often.

"That's good, that gives me time," I told her.

"What do you mean? Do you need to pack?" She asked innocently.

"Well, I guess I probably should, yes," I hadn't even thought about that. "But more importantly I need to make sure that everything here is in order. I need to make sure there's no suspicion about me before we leave. I have to make sure Hux doesn't do something psychopathic in my absence," I told her.

"Okay," she said, still looking so joyful. "I guess we should probably retire, then. Or, I should, at least, so you can go do that." I nodded in agreement.

"Come on," I said, gesturing towards the door. "Let's get back so I can get to the next meeting." Rey nodded and smiled at me as she walked to me.

We walked back to her room, closer than we had ever walked together before, and chatted quietly except for when droids or stormtroopers went by. They couldn't see my expression under the mask, but I couldn't stop slightly smiling. I felt close to normal, and it was amazing.

"Okay, I'll see you later," Rey said cheerily when she stepped through her door.

"Yes," I agreed, and began to step back so the door would close.

"Wait!" She cried, but not out of urgency. She couldn't see, of course, but I had my eyebrow raised. "Take off your helmet, just for a second."

I checked both sides of the hallway, and obliged when I decided the coast was clear.

She just looked into my eyes with her steely grey ones.

"Wha-" I started to ask, but before I could even finish the word, she stood up on the tips of her toes and craned her neck up, and kissed me on the cheek.

She leaned back on her heels and just looked at me, with a grin. I felt myself gaping and staring.

"See you later," she chirped, looking the tiniest bit smug.

"Yep, I'll, um, see you later," I stammered. She dramatically rolled her eyes and laughed, right before I had enough sense to put my helmet back on and step back, letting the door close in between us. I was glad for the helmet, because I felt my cheeks burning. She had kissed me. It was most likely just a friendly gesture, but still. The most intimacy I had received in years.

As I marched away from the door, remembering who I needed to act like, I couldn't help but let a dumb smile reach my lips.

Real smooth, Solo, I thought to myself. Real smooth.

Ben had walked out so awkwardly it made me giggle. He looked so intimidating in his getup, I had to smile at the fact I managed to fumble him for a moment.

The kiss was friendly, I told myself. Just a friendly way to say thank you. But I still felt weirdly giddy when I played it over in my head.

Since Ben was busy for the rest of the day, I assumed he wouldn't show up for supper, so I decided to tuck into some book he had uploaded onto a data pad for me. He gave it to me on my third day here-now nearly a week ago-simply saying it was an interesting read. It was in Standard, and it wasn't too long, which suited me well-I get restless easily.

It was hours later when a service droid brought my food in. I was halfway through the story-it was some ancient tale about justice and remorse, and although the content was quite heavy, I was thoroughly engrossed.

I had to pull myself away from the book to eat, and even then I felt my fingers itching to get back to the tablet. About two bites into some foreign noodle meal I hadn't ever eaten before, but which tasted quite good, I saw the droid was still in my doorway.

"Is Master Ren not joining you this evening, miss?" It beeped at me.

"No, Be-" I stopped myself. "Master Ren will not be joining me, thank you." The droid seemed satisfied with that remark and scurried out of the room.

Strange. I hoped that didn't mean he wasn't eating dinner, he needed to take care of himself. I was frowning when I told myself that he probably has a real, living servant who brings his food to him normally.

When the droid came back to take my tray, I decided to ask, just in case.

"Master Ren is dining in his office quarters, miss," the droid chirped. "He is busy at the moment. If you insist, I can message him on his commlink." Although tempting, I knew he was busy.

"No, that's alright," I told the droid. "Thank you for letting me know, though." I smiled to the droid as it left.

The rest of the evening passed without incident, and I was nearly at the end of the book when my eyelids began to feel heavy. I decided an early night's rest was excusable, seeing as so many of my nights here were always interrupted my something or another-from nightmares to Ben appearing via the Force connection.

When I laid down, though, I was feeling a bit antsy that I hadn't heard from Ben in so long. I tried to ignore the need to call out to him, feeling childish for being so impatient, but I had to give in. He was the other half of the dyad, it was probably impossible to go against such urges.

Ben? I called out hesitantly. I was so attuned to his Force signature that if I wasn't so tired, I'd probably be able to figure out how far way he was from me.

Rey? Is something wrong? I was a bit surprised, pleasantly, at how quickly he responded, but I also felt guilty that maybe I was interrupting him from more pressing duties.

No, I'm fine, I just...wanted to hear your voice. I cringed at how pathetic I sounded. I was a desert scavenger, a Jedi in training, I shouldn't be sounding like some school girl.

Oh, I could hear him smile. Good thing he was wearing his mask. Well, I'm just at a meeting on some security details on an Outer Rim planet apparently some of your friends are on.

I swallowed at the thought it could be Ajan Kloss.

I probably shouldn't have told you that, huh? He asked when I didn't respond.

Yeah, I replied. Probably shouldn't be telling your Public Enemy Number One about your plans.

Ha, he chuckled. Good thing you're not my enemy anymore. I let myself put on a wary smile. Even when Ben came with me, the First Order would still continue in his absence, while Palpatine was alive. And even afterwards, maybe, as the dredges of First Order loyalists still attacked my friends. I shuddered.

Sorry, Ben winced. I'm not good at optimism, but I think it will be okay. Dammit, with the bond so open he could hear everything I was thinking. I did feel grateful that he was attempting to be positive, for my sake.

You're welcome, he sounded smug. It takes a lot of effort. That pulled me out of my worry for a minute. I rolled my eyes and huffed dramatically.

Of course it is, I muttered. Will I see you before tomorrow?

I'm afraid not, he told me. I'll be working late. Besides, you need to rest up if you think they'll probably be here tomorrow. I'll come by in the morning to get a plan in motion, okay?

Okay, I breathed. Do you need to me to do anything before then? I asked, feeling a bit helpless seeing as I hadn't really contributed to this escape plan, which I had pulled him in to.

No, he said calmly. Just rest and let me know if anything is wrong, or if you hear from FN-Finn. I felt a tiny spike of annoyance at hearing him want to call Finn by his old stormtrooper name.

Old habits die hard, I could feel Ben mentally shrug. I knew he was trying to make light of it, but I knew that rang all too true for him.

Alright, Ben, I said. I'll see you in the morning. You get some rest, too, okay?

I make no promises on that matter, he told me.

Well, I'll hold you accountable nonetheless, I chuckled, but with a tone of seriousness. Goodnight.

Goodnight, Rey, he called out softly, before our respective minds let the connection fade, and the band snapped back to just wrap around my brain.

I stayed awake a little while longer, feeling a bit useless and trying not to think about what Outer Rim planet the First Order had their sights set on. I willed myself to meditate into sleep, and it was dreamless, which was a rare occurrence for me.

What felt like only a few hours later, I was gently shaken awake. I opened my eyes groggily, looking up to see Ben's giant brown eyes staring at me as he bent over me, his masked hands pulling away from my shoulder.

"Ben?" I asked, a bit unsure of why he was here so early as I struggled to grasp my bearings.

"Good morning," he smiled down at me, but I could feel tension was rolling off of him in waves, and I could see it in that smile. And in his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No," he assured me. "Everything actually feels like it's about to be right, for once." I cracked a wide smile at his hopefulness, which I had never witnessed him feel before.

"Of course it is," I assured him in turn. "Are you ready?" I asked, a bit anxious myself now. Today was going to be a hectic day.

"Yes," he replied, sounding wary. I wanted to ask him about the plan, I wanted to reach out and hold his face and tell him it was going to be just fine, but then I heard a loud thud and an alarm start beeping somewhere far away.

"No time for staring at me like that, sweetheart," Ben teased me smugly. "Sounds like you're friends are here."