"When you hid under my black wings/ They couldn't have protected you from anything."-Persephone, Tamino

Chapter 9

I had almost reached the top of the chasm wall, when I felt it. Suddenly, my mind was silent. No hovering presence, no background whispers. It was just me. I had been set free. My mind was, for the first time in my life, my own. She had done it, I thought, willing myself up the rocks as my broken leg hung uncomfortably. She had killed Palpatine. And somehow, in a way that circumvented the ritual that he had wanted to fulfil. I was almost grinning, something I never did, at the idea. I could see it now: the First Order would collapse, the Final Order would never be, and Rey and I could exist together somewhere in the galaxy, finally at peace. I was almost allowing the dopamine to control me, making me cheer in victory, past the pain in my body, letting the fears I had for the future fall away now that things seemed so possible. I was almost going to see Rey's smiling face, tired but triumphant.

Almost.

But then, overwhelming every fibre in my being, was another feeling. Or, rather, the lack of feeling.

I couldn't feel Rey.

No. No no no no no no no. No!

Rey? I called out through the bond, now fervently grabbing any surface I could to pull myself up. Rey?! I was frantic, feeling blindly for her Force signature, anything that would tell me where she was, or if she was-

No. I wouldn't let myself think of why I couldn't feel her. Maybe Snoke was right, maybe with Palpatine's death, our bond would be no more. But that wasn't right, and I knew it. It was a dyad bond, Palpatine himself admitted it. Snoke had just claimed to have pulled us together for the sake of poisoning my mind.

The feeling smacked me right in the middle of my chest, spreading outwards and over the rest of my body, the rest of my senses. I had felt this when my father died. When my uncle died. When my father died. But now, somehow, it felt so much sharper. Probably because my mind wasn't being numbed by the venom of the Sith in my head. I did not want to admit it. I did not want to accept it yet. But the grief swallowed me whole anyways.

Rey was the only light left in my life. She had entered so suddenly, but when she had, it was like I wasn't so hollow anymore. This scavenger girl, who I had been so afraid of, had come into my life and changed it so completely that it altered me as a person. I had fought ardently to keep her at arm's length, wanting her to see me but never wanting to show her who I was. My fight had been futile, though. The galaxy would have its way. We were meant to be in each other's lives. We were a dyad, of course we were meant to be together.

I could not lose her. I would not lose her.

I swung my arm over the top of the wall I had been climbing, By peaking my eyes over the ledge, I could see Rey's form in the distance, slumped against the ground, motionless. I tried to probe her mind, but I couldn't even find it. No. No no no.

The tears stung my eyes and I felt my mouth pull up into a pitiful grimace, and I heard a wet, guttural sound ricochet off the rock walls. For a parsec, I thought it could be Rey, but the silver, invisible string between us was growing thinner still. It was then I noticed: the sound came from me. I had whimpered in pain.

I ungracefully hoisted myself up onto the cracked stone floor of the temple, forcing myself to stand although my leg screamed in protest. I hobbled in her direction.

About halfway through, I tripped on some broken stone that sent me fumbling on to my chest, catching myself with my hands, bloody and scraped as they were. My leg felt the pressure of the floor and twinged in searing pain, forcing a grunt out of me. I never stopped looking at Rey, her body facing away from me. I had to get to her. I had to save her.

As I neared her, my heart pounding unnaturally in my chest, my mind too silent, I saw she was staring, unseeing, ahead of her. Her pallor was an ashen grey, her hair stuck to the sides of her face with sweat. I heard another sound ricochet off the broken walls of the temple, a sound that was guttural and primal, and I was stunned to realize it was from me once more. I was wailing, uncontrollably, my face being pulled into a grimace.

"Rey, oh, no," I was sobbing. "Please, no." I plopped myself onto the ground, adjusting myself so I could hold up Rey's torso, her legs next to my back. I pulled her up, feeling her dead weight. Kriff, when her eyes opened, they looked so empty, another primal wail emitted from my mouth, from my very soul. I cradled her head, making sure to support her neck. Her lips were sickly pale, and I didn't know I could cry so much or feel such a pain, rooted deep in my being.

If Rey was gone, which was a reality I so terribly was realizing, I would be so soon after her. I had lived my life as a dark angel, fallen from grace like any devil. She had been my sunlight in the garden, but she was being eclipsed. I could only hope the Force would redeem me and allow me to become the very earth that would wrap around her body. I would keep her safe and warm this time.

"Rey, please, come back to me, please," I was begging. whispering and slobbering into her hair, my knee helped support her, while my other leg and its pain rang in the background of my mind. That pain came second to what I was feeling now: a wave of grief so singular it felt like I wasn't a person anymore, just a vessel for all of this blackness. A darkness I never felt before, even when Palpatine was in my head. Somehow, this was worse. This was the end of meaning itself. A part of me had died, leaving the rest of it to turn necrotic, never to heal again. If I could not save her, I would join her in the abyss. I would rather spend my eternity in her silence rather than the rest of my worthless life missing her.

I pulled her into a tighter embrace, my tears rolling off of my face and onto her shoulder, her hair, as I kissed the top of her head, breathed in her scent, willing her to come back to me.

"Please, Rey," i whispered in a plea. "Sweetheart, please come back. I need you. You can't leave now." It was true. It was like that first time I had touched her hand, when she had been with my Uncle. I was on this precipice and I was falling, and she was no longer waiting at the bottom. I would crash and burn in agony and I knew I deserved every parsec of it. I was the reason this desert flower was wilted now. Like all good things in my life, I took it like golden dust in my hands and ruined it into ash.

Rey, please, I whispered into the void. I promise I'll be here if you wake up. No more bargaining. No more deals. No more Kylo Ren. I would make sure Ben was here for her. However she wanted me. If she would at all, I didn't care. She had to come back, to go home, to merely exist.

I had done many horrible things in my life, but letting her die would be the tantamount crime of them all.

Then, it was like a puzzle piece had snapped into place, because I remembered I could actually save her. Just as she had saved me on Kef Bir, now that I was no longer a king of darkness, I could harness the Light to save her. Or, at least, I could try. Once more, Rey's presence allowed me to hope.

I held her back from me, letting myself look at her blank face once more before shutting my eyes, and placing one hand on her abdomen, right on the bottom of her ribs. Be with me, I thought for the first time in a long time. I was calling on the Force now, no hints of the shadows in its gathering, to push it into Rey. She was not a corpse. I would not let her become one now.

I pushed energy through my hand, into her body, letting the Force flow through me with a raw power I hadn't touched upon in ages. I wanted to open my mouth, to plead to Rey, that if she could hear me, if she could please return. If she returned, I'd keep her safe for the rest of my life. I'd protect her fiercely. I would not fail her, if she gave me another chance. I knew I wasn't in a position to keep asking for second chances, given how many she had already bestowed on me, but I was going to anyway.

Then, I felt it. I felt the Force start to blossom within Rey again, under my hand. It was soft, and sudden, but it grew stronger the more I pushed the energy forward. I pushed it past my comfort level, feeling weak and sluggish, but she was coming back. I was bringing her back.

I didn't even register that I was smiling, tears rolling down my cheeks as I kept my eyes closed, when I felt her hand lift up off the ground and place it over mine. My eyes snapped open to see her face, now with more color, her eyes blinking up at mine.

She shifted so I wasn't supporting all of her weight. She looked at me with a smile, a grin so glorious I could practically feel the shards of my heart being pulled back together again by her coming back to me.

She looked at me in wonder, in awe, in pride, in-dare I let myself think it, for it could not be true-love. This goddess of a woman was looking up at me, happy as ever, if not a bit weakly.

"Ben?" She whispered, and I knew in that moment I would follow that voice, that smile, this girl where ever she led, protecting her and basking in her beauty for the rest of my life, as long as she allowed me. I hoped she'd allow me to, forever.

It had been a blissful darkness that I had sunk in to. But I was afraid. I wasn't supposed to be there, and I knew it. It was like the Force knew it, too, because if this was the afterlife, shouldn't I be seeing Master Skywalker? Leia? My parents, even?

I had felt my way along, seeing nothing but an empty blackness, trying to decipher where I was or how to return to myself. I called out for Ben, hearing-and feeling-nothing in return. That frightened me most, the thought that Ben had perished in that chasm and I hadn't felt it, hadn't been able to save him.

But then I heard him. It was like I was hearing him from a great distance, his voice so faint I had to focus all of my energy on listening to it. He was calling my name. He was begging. He was wailing. He was asking me to come back to him.

I'm trying! I wanted to call back, but I knew he wouldn't hear. Whatever limbo this was, I was too far gone to respond to him. But that changed as I felt the darkness ebb away, my vision coming back, my body feeling the aches and pains of the recent hours, but also the fluid movement and pulsations of simply being alive. I looked up to see Ben, his eyes open and teary, his face glistening and somewhat swollen, but his grin was so beautiful I felt my heart crush a little. He was looking at me with such relief it was palpable. And, to my even greater happiness, I could feel it through the bond, as it was totally open, not dammed up at all.

My hand curled over his, which was on my abdomen, and I realized he had saved me. An interesting turn of events, but a welcome one nonetheless. I sat up immediately, my head swimming at the sudden movement, but I would not let my smile fade.

"Ben?" I asked, wondering if this was really real, or if this was maybe some cruel joke of the afterlife. I reached up to feel his face, his dimples around his smile, and without a doubt, I knew this was real. His warmth, the curl of his silky black hair around his wave, the look of adoration in his eyes. And, luckily enough, it was all directed at me. I felt my weak heart burst. I flicked my eyes down to his lips, and then, a bit awkwardly, leaned in to kiss him.

Our lips met fervently, both seeking to taste the other, to cherish, to ensure the other was, in fact, here. I held his face in between my hands, while his giant ones cradled me more gently, but with a tenderness I could almost melt over. It lasted a wonderful moment, until a strange pain at the base of my neck made me pull away. I gritted my teeth and hissed at the pain, clenching my eyes shut.

"Rey?" Ben asked immediately, feeling my pain, his worry jolting me through the bond. "Rey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I assured him, but realized he could tell I was lying. "Well, it's not nothing, it's just..." I couldn't really explain the pain. It was like my muscles were all convoluted, like I had been crumpled up and stretched back out. I felt heavy, like I couldn't even move a finger if I tried.

"Something's wrong," I admitted. Fear took over Ben's face, his hands gripping my forearms tight.

"What is it? What's wrong?" In his eyes, I could see what he was really asking: was I going to leave him again?

"I'm not dying, I don't think," I told him, trying to sound sure. Which, I think I was. This didn't feel like dying, now that I knew what that was like. "I feel off. Like I might faint or something." I was really trying to convey to him that I wasn't dying, but his anxiety soared to new heights (if that was even possible) when I mentioned fainting.

"We need to get you back to my ship," he began to stand up, trying to pull me up with him, but then I looked down at his leg.

"Ben!" I gasped. His leg was bending at a slightly unnatural angle, but I was grateful there was no open wound. He only had a few cuts on his arms and torso, but none that looked threatening. Still, I felt a strong urge to help him when I saw his grimace in pain. "You're hurt!"

"I know, but it's okay," he tried to assure me. "We need to get back to the ship. Can you stand?" The question concerned me, because it honestly felt like all of my energy was being used to support my torso. But Ben had literally saved my life, so I could force myself to stand up. After all, he was, and he had a broken leg. I gathered the Force around me, which wasn't as effective as it usually was, but pulled myself up. I had to lean on him to walk, but it didn't feel like anything of mine was broken, which was a major success.

With every grunt and stumble, I knew leaning on him was hurting his leg, but Ben didn't let it show. He was stoic, stealing glances over at me to make sure I was okay. Even though my heart felt weak, I could feel it falter at the look in his eyes. He was so concerned. I had never seen Ben this way, and it was truly a sight to behold-himself, completely reclaimed and embodied with no hesitance. This was the Ben I had fought for. This was the Ben I couldn't live without.

Once we exited the temple, which took much longer than expected, we had managed in the nick of time-the temple was collapsing. We hobbled over as quickly as we could from the ensuing rubble, and a glance above told me that not only was the imperial fleet falling, but the Resistance fighters were gone. They must have won! They must have went back to Ajan Kloss! I wanted to celebrate, but I felt so weak. I hoped with all of my might that my friends were alive. They had to be. This had to end in happiness, didn't it?

I pulled myself out of my contemplation, realizing that I couldn't go down this path of thought, not yet. Not now. I saw that Ben was directing us toward his TIE-fighter. As sleek and indestructible as that thing seemed, there was no way we could go to Ajan Kloss in that.

"Ben," I breathed out. "We need to take my ship." It wasn't far away at all, only a few feet from his, but Ben looked at me caustically.

"That thing's a piece of junk," he said matter-of-factly. I rolled my eyes.

"That thing's a Resistance piece of junk, so we need to take it or else the base is going to get suspicious immediately." I told him, knowing that logic was on my side, and I would win this battle. Ben looked at the X-wing with a bit of irritation, but I knew he understood my reasoning, and even better, agreed with it.

"I'm a war criminal anyways, so I think they'll be suspicious enough when they see me, regardless of what vehicle I arrive in," he said casually, but he egged us further on to my ship, decided regardless of his thoughts on the X-wing.

"It will be okay," I tried to tell him, not entirely convinced myself. "I'll explain everything. I have an idea of who could help our case, too." Through the bond, I could feel his interest pique at the mention of another person helping us, and his greater interest at the fact I had said our case, obviously pleased that I was speaking of an us. Did he think I didn't mean anything I had said in the last weeks? Did he think I'd just lead him back to the base, to prison? No-I was going to help him, I was going to ensure we could be together, if that's what he wanted. Maker, how I so hoped that was something he wanted.

We got to my ship and, after a bit of bickering between us, he got to pilot while I sat sort of awkwardly on his lap. Well, I sat on a small blank part of the control board, with my legs over his. He favored his broken leg and I tried not to put too much of my weight on that thigh.

"Well, sweetheart, with us in this precarious position, I think you should help me out," he said with a crooked smirk that I hated to admit made me feel so girlish. I raised an eyebrow at him, confused as to what he meant by helping him. "How do I get to your base?" He was looking at me with his deep brown eyes, and I'd have been blushing scarlet if I had the energy to do so.

"The coordinates are already logged into the ship, so really you just need to get us up there," I told him, beckoning up with my chin to the skies above us, growing less dark and stormy now. Ben nodded once, all business now, and started to take off. He looked so exhausted, I felt an urge to help him in any way I can. I made a mental note to get him to the med bay on base as soon as we landed. The angry mob could charge at us later, but they would not get in my way until I knew he was being cared for.

He. Ben Solo. My matching piece in the dyad. The man who saved my life. The man I couldn't live without.

How strange someone can enter your life so suddenly, and change it completely simply by existing. I would not do anything differently, though.

We were in hyperspace to the Resistance base, sitting in a tired silence, both of us trying to ignore our pains. Through the bond, I could feel Rey was simply too tired to think of much at the moment, but I was growing more anxious by the minute. I was going back to the Resistance base. To see my mother. To see the faces of people I swore I'd destroy. To see Chewie, to see the droids, and there had been rumors even Uncle Lando was with the crew now. I was so screwed, wasn't I?

Rey was optimistic as ever, determined that things would go smoothly, and honestly I'd warn others to not try to interfere with that. If Rey, in all her might, wanted something, she sure as hell was going to get it. She was a scrappy scavenger through and through, and she used that tenacity in all aspects of her life. Assumedly, also in arguing the case of a reformed war criminal.

I was, naturally, more pessimistic. I had to be realistic. Capital punishment was outlawed by the Republic, so I was most likely looking at life in prison. I just had to hope Rey would visit me often.

I turned my head to the side, ready to ask her that very question, but I noticed her eyelids were drooping and her head was swaying oddly, almost like she was going to sleep.

"Rey?" I asked, concerned. "Rey, what's wrong?" Her tongue darted out to wet her parched, pale lips. She met my gaze in a daze.

"Sorry, Ben, I..." she whispered, and I watched as she fainted, slumping over onto my shoulder. I tried to crane away to look at her, to feel her pulse, there but weak. She needed medical attention, badly. I had saved her life, but simply brought her over that border between the realms.

"Don't worry, Rey, we're nearly there," I told her, and myself, as reassurance. As we jolted out of hyperspace, the ship approached an earthy-looking planet, and I realized this was Ajan Kloss. Seriously, I thought. This is where their base is? For a moment I was a bit annoyed we in the First Order hand't managed to figure that out, but then as we descended to the base, I only felt anxious. For Rey needing medical attention, and for myself, probably about to be put in chains as soon as I was noticed.

When we landed, I had no time to take in the sights around the line of ships. People crying tears of joy, of sadness, people reuniting with each other, people running around trying to help the wounded. It was very celebratory, and I was glad Rey had this community in her life. She deserved one after being alone for so long.

I also had no time to notice the small group that begain to charge toward our ship. I noticed the crowd members immediately. Chewie, C3PO, R2-D2, Poe Dameron, FN-2187 (who I had to remind myself to call Finn), the BB unit I had been after what seemed like a millennium ago, a short girl with black hair and a round face, and, trailing after all of them, my mother. Great. I had to get through all of these people first. I would have preferred an anrgy mob, I think.

I couldn't debate any of this, or any strategy for defending myself. I had to get Rey out. I grit my teeth together, and before the group could even realize I was inside the ship, I was hoisting myself and Rey out of it, wincing in pain at my leg and its throbbing pain, nearly falling over as I carried Rey in my arms, trying to get down the ship ladder.

"Get BACK!" Poe yelled at me, alerting several groups of people nearby, and every living creature that had come to greet us was aiming weapons at me. Except my mother, of course.

"YOU MONSTER, GET AWAY FROM HER!" This was FN-2187. They were looking at me in terror, seething with anger. They thought Rey was dead, and I had brought her corpse back to deliver the news morbidly myself. Chewie was gargling expletives at me non-stop.

"Look, there's no time, she needs help," I was speaking diplomatically. "There's much to talk about, I know, but Rey needs help. She almost died on Exegol, but I brought her back, but she's still too weak. She fainted in the ship. Where's your med bay?" I was speaking too fast, but this was an urgent situation. The girl in my arms was feeling heavier and I knew my broken leg and I weren't going to be able to hold her securely much longer.

Looks of confusion and anger and doubt and suspicion were being aimed at me. I understood they had to be on edge, but could they not see what was the more important issue here? I angry at their lack of action, for not helping her.

"Rey needs medical attention, NOW!" I barked, sounding like Kylo Ren once more. This seemed to move people into action. Chewie took her from my arms, and I feel back to lean against the leg of the ship. He and the droids, except for the BB unit, followed suit. The rest were staring at me, armed and ready. I tried to push myself off the ship to follow Chewie, to go see Rey, to make sure she was being taken care of, but I was met with a blaster to the face.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Poe asked me with venom. "You bring back Rey, nearly dead, and expect to be able to roam around free?"

I was panting, out of sheer exhaustion, and shook my head.

"I just wanted to be with her," I admitted. "To make sure she's safe."

"She's safest wherever she's farthest from you," it was the defector this time. I wanted to get angry, or to start arguing my side, but I myself felt I could collapse any moment.

"Boys, I think he's too wounded right now to be much of a threat," the voice of my mother rose above them, from behind the girl where she had been guarding herself. The group reluctantly put down their weapons, but their looks of hatred remained plastered to their faces.

My mother was draped in white, looking almost like a Force ghost, and walked toward me. She held my eyes, showing no emotion. I was too damaged right now to even probe her mind. Not like that ever worked for me with her, anyways.

I thought she would admonish me, or send me to the dungeons, or whatever it is that Resistance Generals did to criminals, but instead she held her hand out and put it up onto my shoulder.

"Come with me, Ben," she said softly. "We have much to talk about."

More darkness. More returning from that numb space to pain in my body. More cracking my eyes open to look above me. I was having a great day, wasn't I?

This time, though, when I awoke I was in an empty med bay room. It was sterile white, with fluorescent lighting. I was hooked up to bacta fluid, and a few patches were on the worst of my bruises and cuts. My head pounded, but the pain wasn't as sharp as it had been. When I sat up on my elbows, the door opened, as if someone had been waiting for the rustle of movement. It was Poe and Finn, BB-8 rolling in behind them.

"Oh my Maker, Rey," Finn started.

"Ren brought you here! Why? What happened?" Poe rambled on.

"We thought you were dead-well, he sort of said you were, but that he brought you back?"

"Chewie brought you in here, Leia's talking to her son now, I think there won't be a trial, just immediate sentencing-"

"Rey, everyone's fine, everyone you know is fine, but how are you? What about Palpatine? Why-" the rambling was making my head hurt.

"Please stop talking!" I exclaimed, and they stopped immediately, still looking at me as if for answers. "Sorry, my head just hurts, and neither of you are making much sense." I sat up completely now, and propped myself up on the pillows behind me. I looked down at myself, in a med bay gown, and realized I had been bathed. Thankfully, because I had been grimy before I fainted I remembered.

"Where's Ben?" I asked, looking over their shoulders and at the door, wondering if he was out there in the hallway.

"He's with Leia." Finn said, sort of looking at me like I may be crazy. Right, he had already said something about that. I tried to replay the rambling in my head to make sense of it.

"Rey, are you okay? What happened?" Poe asked. He sat on the foot of my bed, and Finn pulled a chair from the far corner to sit next to the bed. BB-8 rocked back and forth impatiently. I didn't have the energy to hash it out with these guys right now. I knew it'd take a lot of convincing for them to even consider my side of the story.

"Hi, BB," I smiled down at the droid. He greeted me enthusiastically and asked if I was okay, telling me he was so excited that we had won, that everyone was okay, for the most part.

"I'm fine, thanks buddy," he was a good droid. I was glad to be back here.

"Rey, hellooo," Poe was calling to me like I wasn't listening to him. Which, since I wasn't answering his questions and instead talking to his droid, it probably seemed like I wasn't. He was leaning down, trying to get into my eyeline. I looked up at him and Finn.

"Sorry, I'm just thinking," I admitted. "I'm fine. I don't really want to get into all of it right now, but Ben helped me on Exegol. He helped me kill Palpatine. He brought me back to life. He saved me and brought me here. I feel fine as can be, given the circumstances." I sounded tired.

"What do you mean, 'saved' you?" Finn asked. I sighed. I wanted to go back to sleep, so I could recuperate my strength and reach out to Ben.

"You know how I healed that serpent? In the desert cave? He did that for me, but on a grander scale." I was telling him like I was teaching him.

"So Palpatine is dead? The First and Final Order are no more?" Poe asked. I nodded.

"I know the Final Order is, and I'm assuming the First Order is in tatters right now, being rounded up by the cavalry," I tried to joke, and they did smile, seeming proud of themselves.

"So, what about him? I mean, why did he bring you-" Finn started after a beat of silence, but I put up a hand to stop him.

"We will talk about that later. I'm tired from being the hero of the day and saving your arses." Again, I tried to joke, but very much meant the first half of my statement. There was silence as they mulled this over, and I knew they didn't want to drop this, but they did owe me big time, so they shut up for the time being.

"I'm glad you guys are okay. How is Rose? You said Chewie brought me in here? The droids? Lando?" Now I was the one rambling. They both cracked smiles.

"Everyone is fine, we're all fine," Finn reassured me. I sighed softly in relief.

"We won, Rey," Poe said, quietly, meaningfully. I looked at my best friends in the whole galaxy, seeing my own elation and relief and gratitude and grief reflected in those eyes. We had won. We had made it. We had survived this war.

"We won, you guys," I agreed. I felt my eyes turn a bit misty, but it was okay-theirs were, too. "We won." I smiled as I leaned forward and was caught by two pairs of strong arms, and an antenna reached up to prod me in my elbow.

"You won too, BB-8," Poe assured the little droid, and we all shook from laughter so unguarded I couldn't remember the last time we had been so carefree and happy.

a/n: hi everyone! busy couple of months but back to writing now, and hoping that this is where the story will really take off. did a prequels rewatch recently, and can we all agree that the cw era obi wan kenobi mullet was super cool? anyways, hope you guys enjoy this chapter and hope to write the next one very very soon :)