A/N: There's some more Jay and Erin fluff in this chapter as well as a Jay/Cami scene. We're also getting closer to finding out who Erin's rapist is and why he's so obsessed with her.
"You can take my room tonight; I'll sleep on the couch," Jay informed Erin. She'd just come back out to the living room after putting Cami to bed in the guest bedroom.
Erin shook her head. "You don't have to do that," she told him, sitting down next to him on the couch
"I'm not going to let you sleep on the couch, Erin," Jay sighed. "You might as well give up, because I'm not going to let you win this argument."
"That's not what I meant," Erin said softly. "I meant that you don't have to sleep on the couch if you don't want to."
Jay looked down at Erin, wanting to make sure he understood what she meant. "Are you saying you want me to sleep in the bed with you?"
"You don't have to," Erin assured him. "I just…we said we were going to give this a try, right? I know I said I wanted to take thing slow, but it doesn't make sense for you to have to sleep on the couch."
"Are you sure?" Jay questioned.
Erin nodded, looking up at him. "I'm sure," she replied, smiling. "But…do you mind if I take a shower first? I didn't get a chance to take one this morning."
"Of course; I put your stuff in the guest bathroom," Jay told her.
A few minutes, Jay was surprised to hear water running in the master bathroom rather than the guest bathroom. He smiled at the thought that Erin was making herself at home. He didn't know how long they'd have together before she would return to New York, so he was determined to make the most of their time together.
Once Jay heard the water shut off, he got up from the couch, turned off the lights, and made his way to the bedroom. The door to the bathroom was opening, and Erin was standing at the sink, wrapped in a towel, blow drying her hair. He perched on the edge of the bed, watching her.
"Why are you watching me?" Erin asked, laughing, when she'd finished drying her hair.
Jay shrugged. "Cause I can. Cause you're standing in my bathroom, looking beautiful, and I can't get over the fact that you're really here."
Erin walked over to him and stood between his legs, wrapping her arms around his neck, and Jay rested his hands on her waist. "I missed this," he told her. "I missed you."
Erin smiled. "I missed it, too," she admitted.
Jay tugged her down so that she was sitting on his leg and wrapped his arms around her. "I never stopped loving you, Erin," he murmured, looking into her eyes. "There were so many times that I wanted to do nothing more than hop on the next plane to New York and come find you, but I wasn't sure you'd want to see me."
"I never should have left without saying goodbye," Erin whispered. "I'm so sorry. I thought it would be better that way, that it'd be easier. But I was wrong."
"I'm glad you're here now," Jay told her. "I wish it were under different circumstances, but I'm glad you're here."
"Me, too," Erin replied, leaning her head against Jay's.
"I should probably let you get dressed," Jay said reluctantly after a few minutes of silence.
Erin nodded, standing up. Rather than walking towards her suitcase that was sitting in the corner, she walked over to Jay's dresser, opening a drawer and pulling out one of his shirts. She turned around to see Jay watching her, smiling. "What?" she shrugged. "It's more comfortable than my pajamas."
Jay just shook his head, not saying anything. He watched Erin pull his shirt over her head before letting her towel fall to the ground, his breath catching in his throat. He stood up, and in a couple of quick strides he'd crossed the room, pulling her into his arms. "You're beautiful," he murmured.
"Jay…" Erin breathed, looking up at him. She could see the desire in his eyes, and she felt her face grow warm.
"Erin," Jay murmured, tilting his head down towards hers.
Erin tilted her face up, and suddenly Jay's lips were on hers, kissing her. She kissed him back, deepening the kiss, even as her brain told her that this wasn't taking things slow. Jay's hands moved to her lower back, pressing her against him, and she felt a wave of panic rising in her. She broke the kiss, pulling away from him, dropping her head in hopes that he wouldn't see the tears of disappointment and anger in her eyes. Her rapist had taken so much from her already; she hated that he was taking this from her, too.
"Jay…I want this; I want you," Erin whispered. "But we can't. I can't. I'm sorry."
Jay placed a hand under her chin, tilting it up, forcing her to look at him. "Erin, it's okay," he assured her. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. We said we'd take things slow."
Erin felt a tear trickle down her cheek. She didn't deserve this; she didn't deserve him. She'd left him without saying goodbye, had ignored all of his calls and texts, and then had shown up again over three years later, bringing emotional and physical baggage with her, and yet, somehow, he still wanted her. More than that, he still loved her.
Jay reached up and wiped away the tear. "Hey, it's okay," he soothed.
Erin shook her head. "It's not that," she insisted. "It's just…I don't deserve this; not after the way I treated you."
"Look at me, Erin," Jay told her softly. He waited for her to look up before continuing. "None of that matters now. It's all in the past. We both made mistakes, but all that matters now is that we love each other, and that we want to be together. Okay?" Erin nodded, and he kissed the top of her head. "Come on, let's go to bed."
Erin had hoped that having Jay next to her would help ward off the nightmares that had plagued her since returning to Chicago, but that wasn't the case. She once again woke up to Jay shaking her awake, reassuring her that she was safe and that everything would be okay.
"I saw his face," Erin whispered as she sat up, her whole body shaking. This nightmare had been different from the previous ones; it was like the fog that had always surrounded her attacker in her dreams had finally lifted, and for the first time since it happened, she could clearly remember what he looked like.
"It's okay," Jay assured her. "You're safe. You're okay."
Erin shook her head, realizing she'd never told Jay that she couldn't remember the rapist's face. "No, you don't understand. I saw his face, Jay. It's the first time I've been able to remember what he looked like. Before, it was…fuzzy. All I could remember were his eyes. But tonight, it was different. His face was clear, and I know exactly what he looks like."
"Okay; what do you want to do? Do you want me to call Hank?" Jay asked. Erin nodded, so he reached over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand, quickly dialing Hank's number.
"Jay? What's wrong?" Hank asked. He'd instantly been wide awake when he'd seen Jay's name on his caller ID.
"Hank, Erin said she remembers his face," Jay informed the sergeant.
"I'll be right there," Hank replied, hanging up the phone.
When Hank arrived at Jay's, he found Erin sitting on the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest. It was obvious from her red rimmed eyes that she'd been crying. "Hey, kiddo. How are you doin'?" Hank asked gently, sitting down next to her on the couch.
"Hank, I can see his face," Erin whispered. "I know what he looks like."
"How do you want to handle this? Do you want to sit down with a sketch artist?" Hank questioned. He didn't want to push her; he knew that Erin remembering her attacker's face would have brought up a lot of the past trauma all over again, but he also knew that having an accurate description of the man's face, especially accompanied by a sketch, would go a long way in helping to solve her case.
Erin nodded. "I want to do whatever it takes to find this guy," she replied, her voice trembling.
Jay stood nearby, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. Erin had barely said two words to him since he'd gotten off the phone with Voight; it was like remembering her attacker's face had caused her to shut down. He didn't like the idea of Erin having to picture the man's face, but he knew how helpful it would be for the case.
"Okay," Voight told her. "Tomorrow morning Jay can bring you and Cami to the station, and we'll have you sit down with someone. I'll call Olivia, too, and let her know."
Erin shook her head. "I want to do it now," she insisted.
"Erin, you're exhausted. You've barely slept in days. Just wait until the morning. That way you've at least had some sleep, and you won't have to worry about waking Cami up," Jay said.
Erin stater to protest, but Hank stopped her. "Jay's right," he agreed. "It's better to wait until the morning."
Erin sighed but didn't argue. She leaned her head on Hank's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her. "We'll find him, kid. I promise."
It only took a few minutes for Erin to fall back asleep after that. Jay couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at how easily Hank had gotten Erin to open up, and how quickly she'd felt safe again after he'd arrived. There had been a time when he had been the one that she'd felt safest around, and he'd been the one she'd open up to.
"She's been through a lot, Jay," Hank said quietly, reading the detective's mind. "It's only been three years, but in a way, it's been a lifetime for her. It'll take time, but you'll get there again."
Jay nodded. He knew Hank was right. He couldn't expect things to return to normal after just a few weeks. Their feelings for each other may not have changed, but they'd both been through a lot in the three years they'd been apart. Erin, especially, had been through hell and back, and Hank had been the one who had been there for her.
"Take her to bed, Jay," Hank told him. "Bring her to the district in the morning and we'll get her set up with a sketch artist."
Jay crouched down in front of Erin, resting his hand gently on her legs. "Erin? Come on, let's get you to bed," he said softly.
Erin stirred but didn't wake up. Jay hesitated for a moment, glancing at Hank, before standing up, leaning over, and scooping her up into his arms. As he carried her down the hallway to his bedroom, he heard the door to his apartment open and then close, and heard the lock click into place, and he was grateful that Hank had insisted on having a key to his place during his downward spiral after Erin had left.
The next morning, Erin woke up to find the bed next to her empty, and she felt a pang of disappointment. For a moment she wondered if Jay had changed his mind about wanting to be with her, wanting to give their relationship another try, but she quickly pushed that thought to the side, knowing that it was ridiculous.
Erin rolled over to look at the clock and was shocked to see that it was nearly 10am. She quickly pushed back the covers and got out of bed. As she padded down the hall towards the guest room, she heard her daughter's giggles coming from the kitchen, making her smile. Jay had obviously gotten Cami up and kept her entertained so that she could sleep in.
"Good morning," Erin greeted them when she walked into the kitchen. She was shocked to find that Cami was already dressed and ready to go for the day. She'd expected to find her daughter still in her pajamas.
"Morning," Jay replied, smiling. "Want some breakfast? Cami and I already ate, but I can make some more eggs for you, or I have cereal."
"Cami ate eggs?" Erin asked, surprised.
"Yeah…is that okay?" Jay asked worriedly, afraid that he'd given the little girl something she wasn't supposed to have.
"Yeah, it's fine," Erin assured him. "I'm just surprised, that's all. I've never been able to get her to eat eggs for me."
Jay shrugged. "She ate them without any issues."
"Mommy! Yummy eggs!" Cami exclaimed.
Erin went over and kissed her daughter on the top of her head. "Did you like Uncle Jay's eggs?"
Cami nodded. "Yummy eggs!" she repeated.
Erin turned back to Jay. "Thank you for getting her up and ready. You didn't have to do that. You could have woken me up."
"I wanted to let you sleep," Jay replied. "Besides, I didn't mind. I love spending time with her."
An hour later, Erin and Jay were walking up the steps to the intelligence bullpen, Jay carrying Cami. When they reached the top, Cami squealed in delight. "Aunt Wiv!" she exclaimed excitedly.
Erin followed her daughter's gaze, surprised to see Olivia Benson standing in Hank's office. "Did you know she was going to be here?" Erin asked Jay, who shook his head.
Olivia, who had heard Cami's squeals, smiled as she walked towards them. "Hi, Erin," she greeted the younger woman, hugging her. "And hello to you, too, Cami," she greeted the toddler.
"Hey, Liv. Hank didn't tell me you were coming," Erin stated.
"He didn't know," Olivia informed her. "I was already making arrangements to come out here after Hank told me about the letter, but when he called last night and told me that you remembered your attack's face, I got on the next flight out."
"I'm glad you're here," Erin told the SVU captain.
"Of course," Olivia replied, wrapping her arm around Erin's shoulder as they walked towards Hank's office. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."
Jay walked over to his desk, still holding Cami, and took a seat. Once again it was glaringly obvious to him that he'd missed out on three years of Erin's life, and that had she had a completely separate life in New York.
"You doin' okay?" Antonio asked, turning to face Jay.
"Yeah, I'm good," Jay replied, shrugging.
Antonio rolled his eyes. "Come on, Jay. I know you better than that. You wanna talk about it?"
"I don't know, man. It's just…sometimes it feels like Erin never left, and then other times I can't help but wonder if we even stand a chance. She has a whole other life in New York, and so much has happened to her in the three years since she left. Sometimes I feel like I barely know her anymore," Jay told his friend.
"It's gonna take time, Jay. It's been three years, and both of you have changed. But that doesn't mean things can't still work between the two of you," Antonio assured him. "She's not even been here a month yet; you can't expect to have caught up on three years in less than three weeks."
"I know," Jay admitted. "I guess I'm just afraid that when she goes back to New York, I won't fit in her life anymore. It feels like we have a time limit on figuring this out. As soon as we catch this guy, she'll leave, and that scares me."
Before Antonio could reply, Hank walked out of his office and slapped a sketch up on the board. "This is our guy," he informed everyone. "We'll run his face through the database to see if we get any hits, and Olivia has already sent a copy of it to her team in New York so they can compare it with their databases. Erin's team will also receive a copy. Now, I know I don't need to tell you how important it is that we catch this guy, but I want every one of you working on this."