A/N: I know you all want to see Erin relying on Jay more and opening up to him, and I promise that's coming. But she has to remember how to trust him again first. Right now she's still very much afraid of the impact her three years in New York is going to have on their relationship.
Erin woke up the next morning in Jay's bed with no memory of how she got there. The last thing she remembered was sitting on the couch with Hank. The space next to her on the bed was empty, and she wasn't sure if that was because Jay was already up or because he'd never come to bed. She couldn't blame him if he hadn't, not after she was sure he'd heard her confessing to Hank that she'd been craving drugs. He'd seen how she was after Nadia's death when she'd been using; she wouldn't blame him if he didn't want any part of that.
Erin's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of little feet running across the room, followed by a delighted cry of "Mommy!" before Cami launched herself into the bed, snuggling up to her mom.
"Hi, Peanut," Erin greeted her daughter, smiling.
Jay appeared in the doorway a few seconds later. "Sorry," he apologized, approaching the bed. "I turned my back for a minute and she was gone. We were trying to let you sleep in."
Erin laughed. "Two year olds have a tendency of doing that," she replied. "It's okay; I was already awake anyways." She thought about asking Jay about the night before, but decided against it, not sure she was ready to hear him say that he didn't want to be with her anymore. She turned her attention back to Cami. "Have you had breakfast yet?"
Cami nodded, a big smile on her face. "Fwuit woops!"
Erin looked up at Jay, surprised. With the events of the past couple of days, neither of them had been able to get to the store to get Cami her beloved Fruit Loops, and she knew Jay hadn't had any on hand.
Jay shrugged. "Will brought them by this morning."
"Will was here?" Erin asked, surprised. "Why was he here?"
"He, uh…" Jay paused, not wanting to respond truthfully, but knowing that Erin deserved to know. "He stopped by to check in on you after last night."
"Last night?" Erin's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Why would Will need to check on me?"
"Hey, Cami, why don't you go tell Grandpa Hank that Mommy's awake? Can you do that for me?" Jay addressed the two year old, who nodded before climbing down from the bed and scampering back down the hall.
Erin sat up. "Jay? Why did Will want to check on me? And why is Hank here?"
Jay sat down on the bed next to her. "Last night…you were pretty upset. You had both Hank and me pretty worried, so I called Will. He came over and administered a sedative to help you calm down so you could get some sleep. Hank spent the night because he was worried about you," he explained gently, hoping that she would understand.
Erin nodded. "I didn't have a nightmare last night, and I feel more rested than I have in weeks," she admitted. She bit her lip as she looked up at Jay. "Was I really that bad?"
Jay reached for his hand but stopped himself at the last minute, remembering how she'd reacted when he'd tried to touch her last night. "You'd had quite the day, and you were exhausted from not having slept through the night in the past couple of weeks. I think it was all just a little too much for you to handle," he replied.
The fact that Jay had pulled his hand back before touching her didn't go unnoticed by Erin, and her heart sank. It was just as she'd feared; Jay didn't want to be with her anymore. She was finally too messed up for him to love. She couldn't blame him, but it still hurt. "I'm sorry that I had you worried," she apologized. She glanced at the clock and was shocked to see that it was nearly ten in the morning. "You and Hank need to be at the district, not here babysitting me." She pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed.
"Erin, we're not babysitting you. We were concerned, that's all. The rest of the team is at the district already, along with Olivia, working on the case. Hank and I decided it would be better for us to stay here with you today," Jay informed her, standing up.
Erin shook her head. "Cami and I will be fine," she insisted. "The team needs you more than I do, and I know you'll both get more work done at the district without a two year old underfoot." She brushed past Jay to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Jay sighed as he made his way down the hallway to the living room, where Hank was keeping Cami occupied. "She wants us to go into the district," Jay stated when Hank glanced up, a questioning look in his eyes when he saw that Erin wasn't with him.
Hank furrowed his brow, shaking his head. "I don't think that's a good idea; not after last night," he replied.
"Sarge, she's not going to take no for answer. She said she doesn't need us here babysitting her, and that she and Cami will be fine," Jay informed his boss.
Hank sighed, knowing if Erin felt like they were babysitting her she wouldn't be able to be reasoned with. "I don't know that I feel comfortable leaving her here by herself, but I know Erin, and she won't stand for us babysitting her. Maybe I can convince her to come down to the district with us."
An hour later, Hank and Jay were on their way to the district while Erin and Cami remained behind at Jay's. Hank had been unsuccessful in convincing Erin to come with them; she'd kept insisting that she was fine and she and Cami would only be a distraction.
"Hey, Peanut, you and I are going to go on a little trip, okay?" Erin informed her daughter as she pulled out her suitcase and began packing her clothes in it. "We're going to stay at a hotel for a little bit. Remember we did that for a little bit before we stayed with Aunt Liv?"
Cami shook her head. "No! Unca Jay!"
Erin sighed, crouching down in front of her daughter. "Cami, we can't stay with Uncle Jay anymore. I promise you'll still see him; we're just not going to be staying with him anymore."
Cami burst into tears at that. "Unca Jay," she cried.
Erin pulled her daughter into her arms, holding her. "I know, Cami. I know," she said simply. She didn't want to leave either, but it wasn't fair to keep inconveniencing Jay when it was obvious that last night had changed how he felt about her.
Once Erin had gotten Cami calmed down, she quickly finished packing their things, wanting to leave as soon as possible in case someone came by to check in on her. With how reluctant Jay and Hank had been to leave that morning, it wouldn't surprise her.
Erin pulled the packed suitcase down the hall behind her as she pulled out her phone to order an Uber. She stopped when she realized that Cami's car seat was still in the back of Jay's truck. "Shit," she muttered. They'd have to take the L instead, which meant carrying Cami while also pulling a suitcase behind her, and she knew that wouldn't be an easy feat. She sighed and trudged back to the guest room. She unzipped the suitcase, pulling out the backpack she'd had when she and Cami first arrived in Chicago, and tossed in a change of clothes for herself, a few pairs of clothes for Cami, and some toys before zipping both it and the suitcase up. She shrugged on the backpack and set the suitcase in the corner of the room before going back out to the kitchen where Cami was waiting. She'd text Hank later tomorrow to see if he could drop their suitcase and Cami's car seat off at the hotel.
"Okay, Peanut, let's go," she told her daughter, forcing herself to sound excited in hopes of preventing another meltdown. She quickly pulled a note she'd written to Jay out of her pocket, placing it on the counter where she knew he'd see it, before picking up her daughter and walking out of Jay's apartment.
"Erin?" Jay called as he walked into his apartment that evening. "Cami?" He'd wanted to stop by earlier today to check on them, but he hadn't been able to get away. Even if he had been able to, he wasn't sure how Erin would have reacted to being checked on.
Jay sat the bag of takeout he was carrying down on the kitchen table, puzzled when he didn't hear anything. He tried to convince himself that maybe Cami was sleeping and Erin didn't want to disturb her, but it was too quiet for that.
With his hand on his weapon, Jay slowly made his way through the apartment, checking every room, seeing no sign of Erin or Cami. The only thing he found was their suitcase in the corner of the guest room. He started to grow concerned. Cami's car seat was in his truck, and Erin's suitcase was here; had something happened to them? He pulled out his phone, dialing Erin as he walked back into the kitchen. No answer.
Jay hung up and was about to call Hank when he caught sight of a piece of paper on his kitchen counter. He walked over and picked it up, quickly reading it.
Sorry to leave like this, but I don't want to inconvenience you any more than we already have. Cami and I are going to stay at a hotel until it's safe for us to go home to New York. It wouldn't be fair to you for us to continue to disrupt your life.
I thought that we could make it work this time, but I realize now that it's just not meant to be. I'm sorry, Jay.
I'll ask Hank to get our suitcase and Cami's car seat.
Erin
Jay tried Erin's phone again and this time when he didn't get an answer, he left a voicemail. "Erin, I just found your note. You're not an inconvenience, and neither is Cami. I…it's not safe for you to stay in a hotel. Please let me know where you are and that you're safe. I'm worried about you."
Once he hung up, he quickly called Hank. "Have you heard from Erin at all?"
"No, why?" Hank replied, sitting up straight in his office chair, immediately on high alert.
"I came home and neither she nor Cami were here. She left a note saying that they were going to stay in a hotel until it was safe to go home to New York, but she didn't say where. She said she didn't want to disrupt my life anymore. Her suitcase is still here and I have Cami's car seat, and she said she'd ask you to get them, so I was hoping you'd heard from her. I've tried calling her but she won't answer."
Hank stood up, grabbing his jacket from the couch where he'd tossed it earlier. "Stay there in case she changes her mind and comes back. I'll find them," he instructed his detective before hanging up. He quickly dialed Erin's number, holding his breath while the phone rang, praying that she'd answer. When she didn't, he hung up and threw on his jacket before storming into the bullpen where the rest of the team was still working.
"Hank? What's wrong?" Antonio asked, immediately seeing the worry on his sergeant's face.
"Erin decided to go stay at a hotel with Cami today. She's not answering mine or Jay's calls. She would've had to walk or take the L, as Cami's car seat is in Jay's truck still," Hank informed the team. "Burgess, Atwater, go check my house; make sure she didn't go back there. Even if she's not there, stay there in case she does turn up. Upton, Ruzek, start pulling footage from the L stations closest to Jay's apartment." He turned to Antonio. "Antonio, start calling around to hotels, see if anyone matching Erin and Cami's description checked in."
"What can I do, Hank?" Olivia asked. She'd come out of the breakroom when she'd heard Hank talking to his team.
"Come with me," Hank told her. "We'll keep trying to call her and we'll start checking hotels." As he walked out of the bullpen with Olivia, his team quickly went about their assigned duties.
"I've got something!" Ruzek called a few minutes later. "She and Cami got on the L at Harlem/Lake."
"Great! Keep looking; see where she got off at," Antonio instructed as he continued to call hotels.
Half an hour later, Antonio was feeling extremely frustrated. He'd started with hotels close to Hank's, figuring that Erin would want to be near him, but hadn't had any luck so far and was beginning to wonder if he'd chosen the wrong area when Hailey spoke up.
"I found them! They got off at the Cumberland station," the female detective announced.
Antonio did a quick search of hotels near that station and quickly began calling them. Two hotels in, he finally found the right one. "Can you connect me to her room?" he asked the desk clerk.
A couple of rings later, an exhausted sounding Erin answered the phone. "Hello?"
"Erin? It's Antonio; you had us worried," Antonio informed her. "No one could get a hold of you."
"Shit; I'm sorry. My phone died and I left my charger at Jay's. I was going to buy a new one, but Cami needed a nap. I laid down with her and I guess I feel asleep."
"It's okay," Antonio assured her. "Are you two okay?"
"We'll be fine. I just couldn't stay at Jay's anymore, and it's not safe to stay at Hank's, so I got us a hotel."
"You wanna talk about it?" Antonio asked gently, knowing from the tone of Erin's voice that there was more to the story. "I can be there in 20 minutes."
"Actually, do you think you could stop by Jay's and get our suitcase and Cami's car seat? I was going to ask Hank, but I know he's busy, and he's already done so much."
"Yep; I'll head there now," Antonio informed her. He hung up the phone and then turned to Hailey and Ruzek. "She's at the Renaissance near O'Hare. I'm going to stop by Jay's and get the rest of her stuff before heading there. I'll call Hank on the way."
"Are we just going to let them stay there?" Ruzek question. "That's not safe for them."
"Of course not," Antonio replied. "But I have to convince her of that first."
"Hank, I found her," Antonio informed his boss over the phone as he drove to Jay's apartment. "She and Cami are safe. Her phone died and her changer is at Jay's, which is why she didn't answer your calls. I'm headed to Jay's now to get her stuff and then I'm heading to the hotel."
Hank let out a sigh of relief. He'd been terrified that something had happened to them. "Where are they?" he demanded.
"Renaissance Chicago O'Hare. Don't worry, Sarge; I'm not going to let her stay there. I'll let you know if I have any trouble convincing her to leave."
"Okay," Hank agreed.
Erin padded over to the door and peered through the peephole before opening the hotel room door to reveal Antonio, holding Cami's car seat with their suitcase sitting next to him. "Thanks for doing this," she told him, reaching out to take the car seat from him.
"Of course," Antonio informed her, ignoring her offer to take the car seat as he walked into the room, pulling the suitcase behind him. "Jay was pretty upset and worried, you know."
Erin sighed. "It was easier this way. I didn't mean to worry everyone, but I couldn't stay there any longer."
"Why not?" Antonio asked.
Erin glanced towards the bedroom, ensuring Cami was still sleeping, before sinking down onto the couch. "Because it wouldn't have been fair to him. It wouldn't be right to continue to disrupt his life and inconvenience him. He offered to let us stay there because he still had feelings for me, and because we wanted to give our relationship another try. But that's over now, so it would be right for us to stay there anymore."
"What do you mean that it's over now?" Antonio pressed gently, sitting down next to her on the couch.
"Last night…it was hard. Finding out that all of this ultimately led back to Bunny was upsetting. I thought I was finally rid of her for good, and then I find out that the man who raped me is the brother of the boyfriend she murdered. I was upset, and when Hank came over to check on me, Jay overheard me tell him that all I wanted at that moment was to do drugs again and heard me admit how close I came to relapsing after the rape." Erin shrugged. "I'm always going to be an addict, and at this point it just seems inevitable that I'll end up like Bunny, so I can't really blame Jay for not wanting to be with me." She chuckled wryly. "He didn't sleep in bed with me last night or even want to touch me this morning. He'd reached out to grab my hand but pulled his hand away at the last minute. That's how disgusted he is by me."
Antonio was shaking his head before Erin finished. "The man I saw when I stopped by to get your stuff definitely didn't seem like someone who was disgusted by you or who didn't care about you anymore. He was worried, Erin. And he was confused. He wasn't sure why you'd just leave like that. He still cares about you. I'm sure there's a logical explanation for his actions that doesn't involve him not wanting to be with you anymore."
"It doesn't matter, Antonio. It's not fair to him anyways. I have a two year old daughter who depends on me and has no one else but me, and yet my first thought yesterday was still that I wanted to get high. What kind of person does that? Definitely not a good one," Erin protested.
"It makes you human, Erin!" Antonio insisted. "You've been through hell and back these past three years, and yet here you are, stronger than ever. You were strong enough yesterday to realize what you wanted and actively decide against it. Do you think Bunny ever would have done that? I'll answer for you: no. If turning out like Bunny was your destiny, you wouldn't be such a good mother to Cami. I've seen how you are with her; you adore her, and she adores you right back. You would do anything for that little girl. The same can't be said of Bunny. You have always been, and will always be, so much better than Bunny. You're not Bunny Fletcher's daughter with some unknown man; you're Hank and Camille Voight's daughter. And you're one of the strongest women I know."
Erin had tears in her eyes by the time Antonio finished. "You really believe that?" she asked.
"Of course I do," Antonio replied, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her against his shoulder, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. "You're a badass, Erin Lindsay, and I've never been more proud of you than I have these past couple of weeks after learning what you went through and seeing you with your daughter. Being a single parent isn't easy under the best circumstances, but you're killing it."
Erin sniffed, wiping away the tears that had fallen. "That means a lot, coming from you," she told him. "Ava and Diego are amazing kids, and that's because of you. It's easier to be a good parent when I have you and Hank and Camille to look to for examples."
The two friends were interrupted by a squeal of delight coming from the doorway to the suite's bedroom. "Unca Tonio!" Cami exclaimed, racing over and launching herself against Antonio, who just laughed before scooping her up into a hug.
"Hey, kiddo," Antonio greeted the little girl. "Did you have a good nap?"
Cami nodded. "Unca Jay?" she asked, looking around the room.
"Uncle Jay isn't here, Peanut, remember? We're having an adventure in a hotel," Erin explained.
The little girl stuck her lower lip out in a pout, causing Antonio to laugh. "She acts just like you, Lindsay," he joked, earning him a punch in the arm from Erin. He turned his attention back to the little girl. "You know what sounds really good right now? Ice cream! Do you like ice cream?"
Cami's eyes grew big. "Ice cweam!" she exclaimed before glancing hesitantly at Erin.
Erin rolled her eyes. "So you're going to be that kind of uncle, huh? The one who hypes my kid up on sugar and then sends her home?"
"Yep," Antonio replied, grinning. He stood up, picking up Cami. "Let's go get ice cream, kiddo. Mommy needs some grown up time. And you know what? We might be able to convince Grandpa Hank and Aunt Liv to join us, too."
"Let me guess; they're waiting outside?" Erin sighed, rolling her eyes.
Antonio shrugged. "Not yet, but they're on their way," he replied. "But someone else is waiting outside; he wouldn't let me in until I agreed to bring him with me. I'll send him up, and you two can talk and hopefully get some things worked out while I keep this little monster occupied," he informed Erin as he ticked Cami's sides, making her giggle.
"You used to be my favorite, Antonio," she griped, walking with Antonio and Cami to the door.
"I know," Antonio replied cheekily, grabbing Cami's car seat.