CHAPTER 21

DAY 36

Monday Afternoon

AN: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. They certainly are motivation for when I don't feel like writing or wonder why I'm even writing this story arc to begin with. Please keep them coming.

STEPH POV

We were forced to finish the obstacle course a little early today and move training inside because a spring storm settled over the mountain, bringing buckets and buckets of rain.

Finn pulled a vinyl dummy to the center of the mats and tossed a knife at me.

"What the hell?" My eyes nearly bugged out of my head, and I let the knife fall to the mats, not even bothering to catch it.

"It's a training knife. It won't hurt you."

I picked it up, noting how heavy it was. It looked and felt real.

"I prefer the Kali method of knife training. It's from Filipino style martial arts." He held up his hand with a training knife, and I did the same. "The hand holding the knife is called the bladed hand. We'll do a nine-count rotation, starting with the right-bladed hand, slashing across to your left hip, then the reverse action, slashing diagonally downward from your left shoulder to your right hip. On counts three and four, cross right horizontally with your forehand, then reverse it by crossing horizontally with your backhand from left to right. Count five is a vertical slice. Counts six, seven, and eight are thrusts. Thrust up the centerline, move to a backhand thrust from left to right, and reverse it to a forehand thrust. The ninth is a jab."

He acted out the moves on the dummy. They were highly complicated, and I was afraid I'd never master them. It was enough to make me dizzy and depressed.

"See how I'm keeping my movements slow and smooth, like a dance. Like everything else in self-defense, it's all about muscle memory."

Since Hector had already taught me how to hold the knife, I progressed quickly through the beginning stuff.

"Stay at a 45-degree angle to your attacker to avoid getting slashed, and keep your thrusts quick."

I kept going through the nine-count rotation, feeling more confident as I practiced.

"Keep your feet centered for balance, and work on not telegraphing your attack."

I practiced until I had it all down, and then we sparred.

By the time dinner was over, the ground was saturated, and the rain still hadn't let up. Finn turned in early, but instead of shutting his bedroom door all the way, he left it cracked, something he'd been doing since that night. Was it an invitation? I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out.

The wind whirled, and the rain pounded on the roof as I lay in bed, tossing and turning. I had so many things on my mind it was impossible to sleep. As much as I complained about them, I missed my crazy family and friends back home. Had Ranger made it back safely from taking care of his bad business? What were Mary Lou, Hector, and Lester up to? Was Lula staying out of trouble? Before I left, I told Vinnie to keep my job open. For all I knew, he could have given it to Joyce or someone more qualified than us.

Even though I missed everyone, I wasn't ready to leave, especially now that Finn and I had crossed into new territory. For once, I was taking what I needed and not letting anyone else's opinions color my actions. It felt liberating.

Still, I worried about Finn. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was use him and leave him alone up here. Just thinking about that made my heart hurt. He'd been through so much.

Pushing thoughts of Finn away, I focused on the details of my plan to conquer the fears that had plagued me since my abduction. The way I figured it, I had six more weeks to get myself straightened out. I could do it.

I noticed it had gotten quieter, and the rain was no longer coming down in sheets. This was as good a time as any to enact step one of my plan. I threw my blanket off and slipped out of bed. After pulling on Finn's oversized raincoat, I slipped on my tennis shoes and darted out the front door. Fat raindrops hit my head as the wind whipped at my bare legs. Throwing open the garage door, I went directly to the shelf where the peanut butter was. My heart rate picked up, and I hesitated. It was peanut butter, for crying out loud, not a biological weapon. I huffed out a breath, ashamed of my cowardice, and grabbed the jar. I took it inside and tucked it behind a bag of flour in the kitchen cabinet, out of sight, out of mind. Step one was complete. Tomorrow I will advance to step two.

I changed out of my damp nightshirt before getting back into bed. I'd just adjusted the blanket over me when a crack of thunder struck nearby, and the sky lit up. I sucked in a breath and drew the blanket up closer around me. That was close. Probably a tree in the woods got hit by lightning. I waited for my heart to stop racing, but there was another crack and another. Lightning lit up my bedroom repeatedly. I was glad I got back inside the cabin when I did. It was getting rough out there. I hoped Billy and Judy were safely tucked away.

I tossed and turned some more, but no matter how I positioned myself, I could not sleep. Finally, I got up. I told myself I was going to get something to drink, but even as I thought it, I knew it wasn't true. I stood in the same place I did two nights before and paused, unsure whether I should knock, and if I did, what would happen? Choosing not to knock, I slowly pushed the door open. The low light from the hallway illuminated part of the room. Maggie's head perked up, but Finn lay still, facing me with his eyes closed. Was he asleep?

The room had vaulted ceilings just like the rest of the cabin, and the wall facing the lake was mostly glass with French doors. I crossed to the other side of the bed. After lifting the blanket and sliding underneath, I turned away from him, watching the lightning strike over the lake. Neither of us spoke or made a move for physical contact. I wasn't stupid enough to think he didn't know I was in his bed. Any other man would have been on me in seconds, seizing the opportunity for sex.

Finn turned over and gently placed his hand on the back of my head. "Your hair is damp."

"I went outside for a minute. Do you mind if I sleep in here?"

"I don't mind." He lay still. I guess both of us were watching the storm. For the longest time, neither of us said a word.

A particularly loud crack of thunder made Maggie whimper from the foot of the bed. I turned over to face Finn and reached down to rub Maggie's head. She hadn't been in here with us the other night, and I wondered where she'd slept. "How long have you had Maggie?"

"About five years ago, I returned from town to find her wedged between boxes and bags in the truck bed. She's been here ever since."

"Didn't anyone miss her?"

"Doubt it. She was skin and bones. I figured someone had abandoned her, but I asked around anyway. No one came forward to claim her."

"I should have brought Rex with me. He'd love boot camp."

"Rex?"

"My hamster. He loves to exercise. He's always running on his wheel."

"A hamster, huh?" He pushed my bangs off my forehead. My hair had grown a lot since I'd chopped off my curls, and I was still deciding whether to let them grow back or chop them off again.

"I got him not long after my divorce. He almost died when Durant kidnapped me. For six days, no one knew I was missing, and by the time my friend Hector checked my apartment, Rex was completely out of food and had barely any water left. He wouldn't have made it if I hadn't gotten him the new habitat with larger dispensers for Christmas."

"Why didn't anyone notice you were missing sooner?"

"People were busy with the holidays." Maggie crawled closer, cuddling against my thigh. I focused all my attention on scratching behind her ears to avoid looking at Finn, afraid he'd see the hurt in my eyes. Why hadn't anyone noticed I was missing?

"Too busy to call or check on you?" His tone had an edge to it. I suppose he was angry on my behalf, and if I were being completely honest with myself, which I'm trying hard to do these days, I was angry about that too. Since I didn't have an answer for him, I stayed quiet. "What was so important in the garage that you'd go out in a storm?"

"I brought the jar of peanut butter inside."

"Why?"

"I've been reading your book about mastering fear and came up with a plan."

"I know you have to do this on your own, but I'm here if you need me."

"Are you real?"

"What do you mean? Of course, I'm real."

"I've just never known anyone like you before. You make me feel safe and don't judge or look at me like I'm a disappointment."

"I'm not exactly someone who should be passing judgment on anyone else. You can't put a timetable on when or how you recover. You'll figure it out when you're ready."

The room had enough light to barely see his eyes. I stared into them, thinking he was one of a kind. Certainly not like any man I'd ever encountered.

I turned over, and he slid in close behind me. With his arm over my waist, we went to sleep.

DAY 37

Tuesday

I awoke to the sound of the shower running. Sliding out of Finn's bed, I went to my room to get dressed. On my way to the kitchen, I was assaulted by a wonderful, caffeinated aroma. "Morning," I said as I poured myself a cup of coffee and set the table.

Finn looked up from the stove and smiled. "Can you do your workout this morning without me?"

"Sure," I quickly answered, trying to hide my confusion. Did I do something wrong?

He slid an omelet onto a plate before answering my unspoken question. "The person I asked to assemble your alternate identity papers called in a favor."

I frowned. Was he leaving me here alone to go handle a job in exchange for my fake IDs? Desperate questions slipped out, one after the other. "How long will you be gone? When will you come back?"

Instead of getting annoyed that I was questioning him about his comings and goings, he calmly explained, "Don't worry. You won't get out of sparring this afternoon. It's work I can do on the computer and won't take more than a couple hours."

My entire body sagged in relief. I tried to cover my reaction by taking our plates to the table. "Oh. I thought you had to travel somewhere. Maybe even be gone a few days."

"Just need to give him feedback on a case. Sometimes it helps to have an extra set of eyes."

I quietly studied him. Now that I was over my initial panic, I realized what he'd done. "You called in a favor for me?"

"It's nothing."

It wasn't nothing, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it when he clearly didn't want me to. "Can you tell me about your friend, or is it confidential stuff?"

My interest amused him, but instead of sidestepping my question, he answered in more detail than expected. "Remember when I told you about Oz, the former CIA agent?"

My curiosity was piqued, and I sat back in my chair, fork dangling from my fingers. "Was he a spy?" I'd always wondered what an actual spy looked like.

Finn smiled at my fangirl interest. "He was a spy for twenty years. Now he freelances, taking only cases other law enforcement agencies have given up on."

"You mean Cold Cases?"

He nodded. "I think you and Oz would get along well. Both of you stick your necks out to help people in need, no matter the cost. Not a lot of people do that these days."

I smiled at the compliment. "Will I get to meet him?"

"Possibly. We still have to arrange a meet to get your documents."

We finished breakfast, and while Finn took his laptop into the sunroom, I ran down the deck stairs to start my workout.