Darcy woke to the worst pain she had ever felt in her life. Her side felt like something had tried to tear her apart, and her head throbbed as if someone had been jumping up and down on her skull. And there was a voice. It kept saying stupid things like "Hold on" and "Be still." And maybe the pain was just making her hear crazy things, but she would've sworn she heard an almost comforting "You'll be okay" mixed in there somewhere as she slipped unconscious again.

The next time Darcy wakes, she's lying in what kinda looks like a fancy hospital bed, but it's clearly way too comfortable to be a hospital bed. She slowly pushes herself up to a half-sitting position and hesitantly looks down at her body, dreading to see what kind of horror show that blackhole grenade had left her. Darcy's mouth falls open in shock as she looks over her side where all that awful pain had been coming from before.

She's fine. There's no gaping hole where her stomach should've been. No peepholes through her kidney. Not even a gnarly gash like would leave a wicked battle scar.

She was almost disappointed. Almost.

The only evidence that remains of the whole traumatic incident is a thin pink line weaving its way up from her hip to her lowest rib. Such a sad little scar it looked lit it came from a cat scratch or something. Darcy groans and flops back on the not-hospital bed; she looked like she had been put in the hospital for losing a fight with a damn cat. She rolls her eyes at the ridiculousness. Typical.

At the mortal woman's pained sound, a woman Darcy assumes to be like a nurse here approaches her, followed closely by one of Asgard's palace guards - those Darcy knew the sight of all too well. She tenses, ready to run if he gets too close. She'll probably end up back in a cell anyway (and for real this time), but she'd be damned if she didn't at least try to put up a fight first.

"How is your pain, dear? Feeling alright?" The older woman smiled gently at her.

"Depends. If I say bad, do I get to stay here instead of being arrested?" She flicks her eyes meaningfully at the nearby guard.

"You aren't under arrest." The nurse continues slowly and gently as if speaking to a child. "Our friend here is merely present for your protection. Now, how is your pain?"

Darcy eyes them both suspiciously but finally relents. "I'm totally fine."

"Excellent." The woman steps closer to Darcy's formerly injured side. "May I?" When Darcy nods her consent, she carefully lifts the mortal girl's shirt just enough to reveal the trace remnants of her injuries but nothing else. The nurse gingerly feels the scar, applying various amounts of pressure as she goes. Content with whatever she felt and with the lack of pained noises from her patient, she replaces the girl's clothing and holds out her hand to assist the fragile mortal to her feet. Darcy hesitantly accepts the hand and slowly rises to her feet, still not entirely convinced her body isn't going to just fall apart any second. But nothing exciting happens as her feet hit the floor or as she stands apprehensively.

Dropping her hand, the nurse looks to the guard. "She's all yours." And without another word, she turns to leave.

Darcy gapes at her. "But you said I wasn't under arrest? You lied to me!" She turns to look at the guard, her face turning red in frustration and anger. "This is bullshit!"

"Please be calm, ma'am. I'm only to escort you to your room during your stay."

"Yeah? And by room do you mean a cell in a creepy dungeon with a shocky yellow light wall thing?"

"No." He smirks at her.

There was something entirely too familiar about that smirk...

There's a slight glimmer and a flash of green eyes.

Yep, entirely too familiar.

Darcy huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. "Fine. Let's just go.

"Right away, Miss." He promptly turns and starts for the door with Darcy at his heels.

As soon as they are out of the hospital room, Darcy goes straight for the thousand questions she's dying to ask. "How-"

"Not now."

Or not...

They arrive in a bedroom bigger than any bedroom Darcy has ever seen, decorated in tones of light purple. The guy-who-totally-isn't-a-guard eyes the room critically. "It isn't much, but it should meet your needs until I come up with a plan."

"Isn't much?" Darcy looks at him, incredulous. "You could fit my whole apartment in here!"

He chuckles condescendingly. "Well, then I guess it should be perfect for you."

Darcy makes a childish face at him. Not letting him ruin her fun, she takes off running and throws herself on the giant super fluffy bed. And to think she had thought the hospital bed was comfy... this bed is the most cushy thing she has ever seen, let alone laid on.

"Enjoying ourselves, are we?"

Darcy quickly sits up, having somehow completely forgotten she wasn't alone for a moment. The not-a-guard is sitting at a small table on the far side of the room that the distracted girl hadn't even noticed was there on her way in.

"So are you gonna be you again or do I have to keep talking to you while looking at whoever this guy is?"{

"I'm afraid you'll have to settle for this guy for now. I can't risk showing my face around here just now. There are eyes everywhere, and I'm supposed to be dead."

"What? Why?!"

"Well, in my defense I did think I was dying. And when I said as much, Thor was just so quick to assume I was right. When I lost consciousness, he left me for dead. He and Jane left us both for dead and made their way to Earth without us... Luckily, I must have come to shortly after and was able to call up enough magic to hold us both together long enough to make it back to Asgard and into the healing room. From there it was simple, don a disguise, convince Odin I died on the Dark World as Thor believes, and explain I found a second mortal woman near the body. Though it is you who will have to explain how you came to be there as I can't reasonably have the answer to that, now can I?"

"How am I supposed to explain that to your dad? Especially when you're sitting right in front of me, clearly not dead!"

"Easy, you just tell the truth."

"The truth..."

"Really? Is that such a strange thing to hear from me?" His face falls a little, and he quickly pushes on. "Okay, maybe don't answer that. So, anyway, all you have to do is give an honest explanation of everything that happened right up until the moment you woke up in our healing room. Just leave out me being me and what I told you since getting back here. Got it?"

Darcy is quiet for a moment while she tries to process everything he just said and what he wants her to say or not say. "I think so. Just say what I know happened and not what you told me happened. Yeah, I think I got this."

The not-a-guard frowns at her. "Well, I guess that's one way to put it." He sighs. "But at least you get it, I think."

Darcy smiles at him. "Sure thing. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

"My... what?"

The mortal girl bursts into laughter at the puzzled look on his face. "Chill, it's an expression. Just mean you can leave it to me. I got this!"