Time for a different look on the Episode we have all seen, let's see how Lincoln and Luna can handle a murderous family that is just so fucked up! This is gonna be so much fucking fun! Enjoy reading folks.
Helluva Loud Adventures.
(I.M.P Building.)
Lincoln walks out of his room, and he sighs. "Well, time to get ready for whatever job we have this time." He then sees Luna come out of her room. "Hey sis, ready for whatever shit we're doing this time?"
Luna smirks. "You know it bro and one thing we have to keep track is the Royal Woods Astonishing Quest, which Sam and I are gonna be partnered. Then there's gonna be the rest of the family and for some reason Stolas and Aunt Via, and then you and Jordan."
Lincoln smirks. "Yup, me and Jordan Rosato. Partners for the Astonish Quest, this should be interesting." He continues to walk down the halls with Luna and then they see the receptionist's office and the aquarium filled with Electric Eels. "Can you believe Blitzo got this?"
"Kinda a head scratcher bro, I don't know why he wanted these again. I mean, I know he wants to make the place look…. What the fuck are you guys doing?" Luna and Lincoln are confused at what the others are doing.
Loona is laying down on the couch and she's holding a picture of a happy family, all while checking her phone.
Lucy is reading her book next to her parents who are at the receptionist's desk. Moxxie has a crossbow and Millie is talking to him, then they see Lincoln and Luna. "Hey there you two. Don't worry guys, we got this handled" replied Millie.
Lincoln looks to Loona. "Mom, what the heck is going on here?"
Loona looks to her kids. "Hey Linc, Lunes. Just helping them with Moxx and to the fact he has to learn to shoot a family. But he's not doing well in trying to fucking aim and shoot." She looks annoyed and then towards Moxxie.
While this is happening, Lucy can see a red glow on one of the signs on the desk. The signs are. More Coffee, Soiled my pants, Horny Client, Deranged Client, Client giving birth, Ghost and Stolas. The one glowing is Deranged Client. Which means, Blitzo needs help.
Lucy looks to the others still talking about Moxxie and that he has to shoot this target, and then goes back to her book. "I'm sure Blitzo can handle this by himself."
Lincoln and Luna stand back next to the aquarium and watch as Moxxie tries to shoot the picture of the family. But Moxxie is nervous doing this. "Moxxie stop shakin', you're gonna shoot out only hellhound" replied Millie.
Loona sighs. "Wow. I feel so loved here, it's making me blush." She doesn't mean it from them, she knows she's loved by Blitzo and her two kids.
"Yeah, shoot our mom and you're dead to us dude" replied Luna. She then high fives with her brother.
"We know what we're doing kids" replied Millie. She then looks to Moxxie. "Just take a deep breath and let it out."
Moxxie then stops what he's doing. "But, it's a family. On what circumstance would we have to kill a human family?"
"I mean, if that's what the client wants" replied Millie.
"Millie's not wrong uncle Moxx. Recall the Millers we killed, even though we did let the kid Ryan live, we did kill the mom and dad" said Lincoln. "Doesn't that count as a family we killed?"
"They were not even a family, they were a bunch of spies who wanted to destroy cherries and replace them with peaches, and we let the kid live so technically we did not kill the Whole Family!" He then lowers his crossbow.
"I mean, we can kill a shitty dad, or an abusive mom or a mob family. That's understandable." Moxxie mimics an Italian mob voice for that one, but it's not impressing the others.
"Moxx, dude this isn't the fucking Godfather or some other film with a mob family in it, I think mob families are alive" replied Luna.
Lucy turns to the next page. "Mob family's still exist Lunes."
Moxxie sighs. "Guys, I just don't feel comfortable killing such a family like the picture, we've made friends with good folks who are family. But to eradicate an entire innocent, seemingly innocence, upper-class family bloodline? That's wrong in my book."
Lincoln and Luna are a bit confused by everything they're uncle had just said, Loona looks to te picture and has some concerns, but then she looks to Moxxie sternly. "Hey! You don't know that they're innocent."
Loona then points out to the family in the picture. "This kid probably sets dogs on fire. Maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online and this guy…." She looks to the dad in the picture. "This guy definitely watches and not just watches women bare ass naked, he probably watches little kids getting naked."
"Yeah, mom's not wrong. You might even encounter a family who is actually responsible for some murders that no one else knows, like the image of the wife there. She must've cheated on her husband so many times, that those three kids aren't even his!" said Luna.
"Every human has dark secrets and we keep them locked up within us, which is a sin we carry every day for the rest of our lives, till we die and come here" replied Lincoln. "Also, I'm sure they kidnapped that baby in the picture!"
"Exactly!" said Millie. "Humans back on earth are full of secret nasties, which is why they always end up here in hell. Recall that we do background checks and see if the targets are all innocent or have done some crimes and even though the family looks happy and nice, they have done wrong!"
"Our business is to kill those who have done wrong, and I'm sure that family did so much wrong, which is our business." Millie kisses her husband. "Now shoot the target."
Lucy flips to another page on her book. "They have a point dad, kill the unruly family and win it for the team. Go team demons." She's just being her Goth self.
Moxxie sighs. "Alright fine, I guess it makes sense. At least we're not the same old company as we were, otherwise I'd have way more panic attacks…."
Then Blitzo barges in with the client. "Guys, i want you to meet…" But this alarms Moxxie and the arrow is sent flying off and bounces around the room.
The arrow narrowly hits Moxxie and Millie and knocks away the computer. Lucy hides underneath the desk avoiding the hits. The arrow pierces right through the family picture that Loona is holding and bounces away from her. Lincoln and Luna step to the side and the arrow bounces away from them.
They failed to notice that the arrow hit the table's leg, the same table holding the very large aquarium filled with electric eels!
Then Blitzo catches the arrow before it hits the client. "Guys, this is our newest Client." Then the Aquarium falls and breaks and the eels are now on the ground, they freak out and generate some electricity, which hit the spilled water and the water leads to the printer and the whole room is now on fire.
"Oh shit!" Lincoln and Luna grab the fire extinguishers and so does Loona. They begin to put out the fire, and then Moxxie, Millie and Lucy help them.
But to Blitzo. "Damn it Moxxie, I bought those eels yesterday!"
The client is confused. "What the hell is even going on here?"
Mara Mayberry – formerly the wife of the now deceased Jarold Mayberry. Yeah, she still keeps the last name for some reason, but this is hell so fuck it!
She died a few months back on January the 8th and has been living in hell as a demon and she wants the bitch who survived to be dealt with! She was once a former school teacher and had a husband who was cheating on her for this bitch named Martha. She committed suicide after she just killed people in front of her students who were watching the whole thing from the computer.
Mara Mayberry is the same size as Blitzo, with red eyes and yellow pupils. She has violet skin, as well as a black torn dress, with an upside down red teardrop jewel on her chest with yellow on the tip. With a dark pink shirt with noticeable stitches. She has the same tail as an imp, but has noticeably purple hooves.
She has pointy ears and red earrings, pink glasses, goat horns, sharp tallow teeth. She also sports messy white hair, with a black scrunchy scarf-like, headband.
Target: Martha M. Barbrow: The wife of Ralphie Barbrow and the mother to her two kids and she's a school teacher.
She survived the attack from Mara Mayberry and has been dubbed a hero by the small town of Dullsville in Ohio. She was given two million dollars and has been called a hero by everyone and is having so many affairs with tons of men. Getting shot has been the best thing to this bitch, she has been on talk shows and also getting a shit ton of donations.
Objective: Either kill her and bring back the remains for the teacher to beat the shit out of, or bring back the soul, or bring her back alive. It doesn't matter, what matters is that this woman is tormented and is brought down. As the client said: She is not a Hero!
(Later.)
They're all outside and they wave off to the client. The client is in the taxi and the fire has been put out which means they don't need any help from the fire department or something.
"Bye and don't worry, we'll get that skank in less than 24 hours or you're first kill is free!"
The taxi drives off and Moxxie asks. "Since when did we started implementing that deal?"
Blitzo goes towards Moxxie and holds his face. "Since you set fire to my office in front of the client you fucking dick shit!" He then let's go of Moxxie. "Now someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!"
Lucy comes out with the book. "Right here, also I put the eels inside a small aquarium which was in the cleaning tools closet. Weird we have one." She then hands the book to Loona.
"Oh, thank you Luce. You're such a good girl." Blitzo is about to pet her.
"Do not touch me." Lucy then goes to help her dad back on his feet.
Lincoln then has his claws ready. "Alright, so we know what the mission is right?"
"Yeah, did we do a background check on the family yet though?" asked Luna. But she does notice something, the building next to theirs has a billboard made by Blitzo. 'Did Blitzo afford a billboard for the company? Because the spelling on it is fucked up horrible. '
"I don't think we did, and I don't think we even have the time as well" replied Millie.
"She's not wrong." Loona opens the portal. "The target is a woman who is named as a hero and is making things a whole lot stupid in her own home, do you guys need me to come and help out?"
"I don't think so mom, Linc and I can go on with Blitzo, Moxx and Mills. We'll be back soon, chances this will be fast" said Luna as she has her demonic swiss knife ready, and she and Lincoln put on their hoodies and look lime hellhounds.
"Let's go and lick some ass people!" said Blitzo. Lincoln and Luna embrace they're mom and she gives them each a kiss to the forehead.
"Be good while you're here Lucy." Millie hugs Lucy and then looks to her boss. "The word is Kick ass Blitzo."
"Mine is better." Blitzo goes through the portal and so does Lincoln and Luna. Moxxie hugs Lucy and then looks to the portal. "Fuck." He then goes on through and the portal closes.
Loona and Lucy walk back into the building, then Lucy looks to Loona. "Now that we're alone, there's something I need to show you aunt Loona."
"Does it involve some kind of demon from the book that I may have seen once or twice?" asked Loona as she closes the main doors and then looks through her phone.
"No." Lucy has the book with her and she shows her what she found. "I think I may have found out why older women and other girls keep going for Lincoln.
"Loona stops what she's doing and looks to the book. "What?"
(Somewhere in Ohio.)
The portal to hell closes and now they're looking to the cabin near the lake. "Decent place, a shame there's gonna be blood all over." Lincoln readies his claws. "Let's move in and gut her!"
They all sneak towards the cabin and hide in the bushes. They then look through the window and Luna sees what's going on. "Looks like they're sitting down for dinner, we already ate and these guys are just eating now? Weird."
Blitzo also peeks. "Maybe they didn't eat yet because the bitch was too busy getting fucked again, she is a hero after all." Blitzo says that sarcastically which makes the others chuckle. They then see the lady. "Oh, that's gotta be her, this is too easy. Hey Moxx you want this one?"
Moxxie then looks to the window and is shocked to see a happy family and what Luna said is right, they are gonna sit down for dinner. "This one seems simple for you to handle uncle Moxx, just a simple mother who did something wrong who got out of the hospital months ago and for some reason still has her head in bandaging?" said Lincoln.
"Dude, is she still trying to act like a hero still?" asked Luna. "That is so low man."
"Well fuck it. You snooze you lose Moxx." They all see Blitzo with a sniper rifle and is locked onto the lady. "I got you bitch."
"Take the shot Blitzo, let's make this a quick and easy one to the client can be happy and we get paid" replied Lincoln. Then Luna has an idea and she grabs the sniper rifle from her jacket.
"I'll scale the perimeter just in case there might be some people coming." She then runs off to the trees and sh remains hidden within the leaves and keeps an eye on everything with her sniper rifle armed and loaded.
Moxxie sees his wife has her knives ready and Lincoln is reloading his pistol. "Wait! Are we actually killing a family?!"
"No we're not and don't be such a buss Moxxie" replied Blitzo. "We're just killing a mother." He then goes back to his sniper rifle and smirks at the target. "We're ruining a family!"
"We've done this before uncle Moxx, like a dozen times. Or was it severe=al dozen time, I forgot" replied Lincoln. Then Lincoln realizes. "This is a family in the woods, well near the lake, By any chance they might be dangerous as well? They could be trained hunters."
"And that's why we're trained assassins" replied Millie, she then has a pistol ready and a crossbow.
"She's right, now time to say goodnight you skanky whore." Blitzo is about to shoot the lady. But then Moxxie stops Blitzo and the bullet shoots and misses the target and they all get down.
Lincoln then has his claws ready. "What the fuck was that Moxxie?" said Blitzo.
"We had her man, we had her" said Lincoln. "Also, don't have another panic attack dude." Because Moxxie is breathing and is close to having another panic attack.
"I'm sorry, they just seemed so wholesome and happy" cried Moxxie. "I panicked."
"Moxx, this has got to stop. We know you're a dad now to Lucy and trying to enjoy life, but this is not a good gamily. Stay focused and get back to the task at hand" replied Lincoln.
Blitzo is pissed. "Oh who gives a two-ten fucks if they're innocent Moxxie? So stop being a leechy parasite over you're momma's tit sand get the fuck over yourself, you baby bitch prune!"
Then a shotgun blast is made and Blitzo is wounded. "Shit! A new hole, scatter!" They all bail from the bushes, but Moxxie is still there. He tries to run but he gets grabbed.
Lincoln is far from the cabin and he climbs a tree with his claws and looks down. "They didn't follow me?" Then someone touches his back and he's about to attack.
"Whoa bro. It's only me. Lower the claws dude" said Luna. Lincoln does so and takes a deep breath. "I saw what happened bro, I don't think this is even a family anyone wants to fuck around, dude."
Lincoln and Luna then race through the trees and they look around. "I don't see them, where did Moxxie, Millie and Blitzo run off to?" said Lincoln. They then hear shotgun blasts. "Okay, so that sounds like them."
They then get off the tree and look around for any traces of the others, then they see the house and Lincoln senses something. "Moxxie's in trouble."
Luna then puts her hoodie back up. "Then let's go and fuck shit up baby bro." They then head into the house, they sneak around and then see the window to the room to the second floor.
Lincoln and Luna scale the wall with the claws and Luna uses her knife which turns into a grappling hook. They then hear more gunshot sounds in the woods. "We gotta move, now!" said Lincoln. They then reach the window and see Moxxie tied up. Lincoln then sees something else. "What the fucking shit is this?"
The room he's in, there's people's heads mounted on walls, skins on the walls nailed and a corpse being made into a roast pig shape and some bones. Lincoln and Luna are wide eyed seeing this. "This is some twisted Texas Chainsaw Massacre Friday the Thirteenth Apocalypto shit right here now" said Luna.
They then see the two kids and the girl has a knife. "Time to beat some skulls sis." Lincoln then punches the widow and he tosses a grenade into the room. Moxxie sees this and he closes his eyes, the grenade is a flash bang.
Lincoln and Luna go through the window and they land onto the kids and knock them out. "Good call with the flash bang kids" said Moxxie. Lincoln cuts the ropes from Moxxie.
"Yeah, because everything went wrong real fast when we were supposed to be taking sown some bitch" said Luna in anger.
Moxxie sighs. "Look, I'm sorry guys. I just didn't have the heart to kill the family, but now I see just how fucked up they are. Let me make this right guys."
They then see some lights glowing coming from the other window. "Millie and Blitzo!" said Lincoln. "We have to get them, now!" They then toss the chair to break the window, and they all raced out of the house. Moxxie is carrying a shotgun.
As they run Luna sees something. "Is that Blitzo's phone?" They see the phone and they can hear Stolas and he's talking about some stuff that they're not supposed to hear. "And is that the voice of Stolas?"
"Let's leave the phone be, Blitzo will get it back later" replied Moxxie. "Jeez. What was Stolas calling him for? And in the middle of a job we're doing too." They continue to head to where Blitzo and Millie are.
(With Blitzo and Millie.)
Ralphie and Martha have tied up Blitzo and Millie to a wooden pole and are now dosing them in gasoline, and they have lots of torches all around.
"I had that fucking shot, I had that shot! God damn it! Damn it Moxxie!" grumbled Blitzo.
Martha has a sick grin on her face. "Satan. We return you're filthy creatures, back to the pits of hell. May the root of evil remain honored as we continue thy work!" She then tosses the torch onto them and both Blitzo and Millie are on fire.
But as they're both on fire, nothing is happening to them. They can't be killed by fire, they're demons. Well, imps.
"Yeah, that's not exactly how it works lady. You're fire doesn't really hurt us, but I could fake it if that'll get you're dick hard" replied Blitzo. This makes Millie giggle.
Martha is a bit dumbfound by this. "Oh. Shit! Well….." She then has her shotgun locked and loaded. "I could just shoot ya in your smart ass mouth!"
"That would be more effective" replied Blitzo in a silly attitude.
"Blitzo! What the shit?!" said Millie in anger.
Martha gets ready to shoot them, but then she gets shot three times. There's a hole on her left eye, one on where her right breast would be and one in her stomach and behind her is Lincoln, Luna and Moxxie with their guns fired.
Martha falls to the ground dead and all three of them go over and untie Millie and Blitzo. "Moxxie!"
"Yeah, you're not getting you're goddamn paycheck for this one Moxx." Blitzo is then helped by Luna and Lincoln. "Still hurts on the arm kids."
Ralphie backs up and he trips over his dead wife's corpse and makes a run for it. Moxxie then looks to his boss after he embraces Millie. "I'm so sorry sir, I compromised our objective and put us in harm's way. It won't happen again, I promise."
"Apology accepted." Blitzo hugs Moxxie and then whispers to him. "But if you pull this stunt again, I will fuck you and you're wife and…." He then breaks away from the hug. "Alrighty, job well done guys, let's bag the bitch and send her to the client. I hope she's okay with this bitch having a missing eye."
"Yeah, give me a moment. I need to get something I left at the house" replied Moxxie as Blitzo has his phone, well spare phone.
"Okay fine, but hurry up." Blitzo then calls Loona. But then he looks to Moxxie. "Oh and if you see my phone along the way, break it!"
Moxxie nods. "Okay then." He runs off with his shotgun to the house of the dreaded family.
"What do you think he left back at that house? Because we didn't see him drop anything" said Lincoln.
(Moments later.)
Moxxie makes it back to the others. "There he is, had a good wank off session Moxxie?" joked Blitzo.
"Excuse me?" said Moxxie. Though this makes Lincoln and Luna laugh a bit.
Blitzo then goes towards Moxxie. "Look, I don't care if you cum into the living world, just come to your job on time alright." He pokes his bow tie and pinches his cheek. He then goes through the portal. "See you in the office."
Lincoln and Luna also go through. "Hey mom, we're back and the client is here too" replied Luna.
Mrs. Mayberry sees them. "Hello imp and children. So, where is she?"
"Right here ma'am." Lincoln hands her the sack and she smiles looking to the corpse inside. "She has no eye, or a right breast, or a part in her gut. You okay with that?"
Mrs. Mayberry smiles as she looks into the sack. "Oh, I am alright with this. This will do." She then closes the bag and hands them the cash. "Here's for all of your troubles and thank you again for helping me settle this unfinished business."
"We did the job and now you have what you need, also we're about to get some cake for a good jobs work from Moxxie, you wanna join us?" asked Blitzo.
Mrs. Mayberry thinks about this. "Yeah, I think I can handle that. Also, I need to know, where is that bitch now? She should be in hell right?"
Loona has a tracker. "Five….. Four….. Three." She then has a steel cage the size of a demon ready. "Two and one." A portal from the ceiling is made and black tentacles come out and bring the demon known as Martha into the steel cage box. The cage rattles and this makes Mrs. Mayberry grin evilly.
"Now this is a bonus!" She then hands them some extra cash, which Lucy takes from her. "Now, how am I gonna bring this to my place?"
"On it." Lincoln has a pocket watch from Blitzo and he presses onto the middle of the watch and a portal opens. "Where do you live again?"
Then Millie comes out. "What did we miss?" Then Moxxie follows and he looks a bit uncomfortable.
Lucy looks to her imp father. "Dad, are you alright?"
"Who fuckin cares?! Let's celebrate! Right after I get my arm patched up, be right back." Blitzo go4s to their infirmary to fix himself.
The others head to the meeting room to celebrate for Moxxie in not fucking up and doing the job right. Loona on the other hand is a bit shocked from what she found out with Lucy.
'I'll tell Lincoln when the time is right, just not now.'
To be continued…..
A/N: I hope you guys liked this version to the episode "Murder Family" I actually enjoyed watching the blood and stupid parts, seriously that was so messed up and I tried my best to notice some of the little things in the episode. Leave a review and tell me what you all think.
Next up: The Royal Woods Astonishing Quest.
Date made: 11/2/20.