What If They Were Competent?

by Mr. Chaos

The Stipulation: One chapter a day. 500 words or less. Every episode of Rugrats. The Challenge: What if the adults on Rugrats were actually good parents? Watched their kids? Thought ahead? DIDN'T think it was fine for babies to nearly die every 5 days? Tommy is about to have a very different life with Stu and Didi actually using their brains.

114. Chuckie's Red Hair

Chuckie's Red Hair

"So…" Melinda said, looking over at the blond creator, "multiple issues?"

"Yup," Mr. Chaos said dryly. "Let's just blast through them, shall we?"

~MC~MC~MC~

"Oh, look at that hair!" Mrs. Crabtrick said, reaching down and sticking her nose against Chuckie's hair. "So soft-"

Old Mr. Jenkins yanked her away from the startled Chuckie.

"What the heck is wrong with you?!" he demanded, the other neighbors stopping what they were doing as he confronted the woman. "You don't go grabbing kids and sticking your face in their hair, you creep!"

"I… it was just so soft…" Mss. Crabtrick murmured.

"Are you high?" Mr. Jenkins demanded.

"A little."

"What?"

"What?"

Chas slowly guided Chuckie away as Mr. Jenkins threatened to beat the demented woman with his rake.

~MC~MC ~MC~

"So you're sending her to Hell, right?" Melinda growled.

"Oh by Me yes!"

~MC~MC~MC~

"You see that?" Tommy asked.

"See what?"

"My grandpa's hair! It used to be white but now its black! We can do the same for you!"

Chuckie grinned. "Yeah!" He stood up, only to look at the tall walls of the playpen. "Uh… but how?"

"…oh yeah."

~MC~MC~MC~

"A lot of things are solved with that new playpen."

"Yeah, it's almost like protecting your kids from playing with hazardous chemicals is a GOOD thing." The creator shook his head. "I swear, I could do a whole run on the babies killing themselves…" Melinda glared at him. "COULD! COULD!"

~MC~MC~MC~

Chuckie smiled to himself. When Tommy's mom had taken him and Tommy for their diapee change they'd managed to run away and get the tube of hair and now he was no longer a red head. Now he had black hair and no one was going to bug him anymore!

"Oh my, what happened to Chuckie's hair?" Mrs. Whitmore asked.

"Just a little hair dye incident, no big deal," Chas said, Chuckie frowning. "Hey Mr. McDermit."

"Chas and… wow, that is a different look for you Chuckie!"

"Hair dye incident," Chas explained.

"Chuckie get his hair dyed?" Old Mr. Jenkins asked as other neighbors noticed the difference in the boy, making Chuckie cringe.

"Yeah… say, where is Mrs. Crabtrick."

"In jail. Cops arrested her then looked in her crawl space… so many scalps."

~MC~MC~MC~

"…dark."

"She rubbed his nose in his hair!"

~MC~MC~MC~

"Look guys, I got cookies!" Tommy said. "Phil… Lil… and me!"

"Tommy, what about me?" Chuckie asked.

"Oops, I guess I forgot you were there," Tommy said.

"Forgot… about your bestest friend?!" Chuckie shouted. "I never forgets about you!"

Tommy cringed. "Wow… I'm really sorry Chuckie. Here, have my cookie."

~MC~MC~MC~

"Shouldn't we focus on those scalps…"

~MC~MC~MC~

"Tommy," Chuckie said sadly, "it didn't work. Everyone still notices me… except you."

"I said sorry!" Tommy complained. "But Chuckie… everyone is different. Phil and Lil are twins. I have no hair…"

"I guess you're right."

~MC~MC~MC~

"…but the scalps-"

"LET IT GO MELINDA THEY'RE DEAD!"