Chapter 03: Sostendo (Or, holding back)
The last place Kurama wanted to be—was at the office.
Asuka had come back to him, but instead of being at home with her, he was here.
Kurama grumbled to himself. Rearranging his client meetings was a cumbersome task, and he never took time off without ample notice. But yesterday afternoon, the agitation he'd felt made him clear the rest of his day. That meant some of his clients were extremely unhappy. He hadn't cared, nor did he regret his decision, but he couldn't afford another unexpected day off—as much as he might wish.
Kurama sighed and leaned his chair backward. Asuka.
He'd gotten up before sunrise to get to work extra early. That had been nice in its way because Asuka was already awake and making breakfast in the kitchen. Jet-lag, she told him.
He smiled to himself as he recalled their lovemaking last night. He doused himself in her smells, voice, and the feel of her, desperate to make up for the time they'd spent apart. But it wasn't enough, and he still felt agitated.
The paranoia he'd felt during her absence hadn't abated, either. He'd never tell Asuka, but at one point he was so irrationally worried he went to the Raekai and forced Koenma to check on her. She'd been playing a concert, and Kurama made Koenma watch the entire set with him. After it was over, Koenma promised to alert him if anything happened to Asuka. It didn't make him feel better.
At least she's home, safe.
Kurama sat upright and looked at more spreadsheets.
His position at the company meant he did many jobs. He managed a team of stockbrokers, saw high-profile clients, worked on international projections, and had an assortment of other duties associated with being Vice President. He excelled at doing a lot of different tasks, and it normally helped stave off boredom. But today? He simply ached to be near his wife.
Kurama continued reading spreadsheets when his office com buzzed. "Yes?" he asked.
"Mr. Minamino? Ms. Nakano is here from accounting."
"Send her in, please." Kurama didn't recognize the name. Maybe she was new.
His office door opened, and a woman wearing a white button-down blouse and a pencil skirt walked in and shut the door. Her hips swayed as she approached his desk.
As she got closer, he noticed the first four buttons on her blouse were unbuttoned. Her bra pushed up her large breasts, which were accentuated by the way she folded her arms underneath them.
One of those types.
"Hello, Mr. Minamino." Her sickly sweet voice matched the stench of her perfume.
"What can I do for you?" Kurama asked politely.
"Mr. Oshigama told me to deliver these reports to you," she said as she leaned over his desk.
Kurama purposefully flashed his ring as he took the papers. Normally, that was enough to dissuade someone from coming on to him, but not this woman, apparently. Instead, she flashed him a cutesy grin.
Bold. "I'm sorry, but I don't believe we've met before," Kurama said. "Are you new?"
Ms. Nakano got closer. "We've passed in the hall several times, but yes, I'm new. I've just moved up from Osaka."
"I see." Kurama moved backward. "Are you all settled?"
Ms. Nakano inched closer. "I'm in Saitama right now."
"That's close to where my wife and I live."
"Mmmm. Do you like that part of the city?"
"Yes," Kurama said as he leaned backward again. "We've been living there almost ten years. My wife likes that it's a quieter part of the city."
Kurama had mentioned having a wife twice, and yet this woman was unperturbed. Her body language had only gotten more suggestive.
"But what do you like, Mr. Minamino?"
Kurama was losing his patience. "As I said, we both love our home."
Ms. Nakano grinned like she didn't believe him.
"If that's all," Kurama said, "I'd like to get back to work."
Just then, Kurama's intercom buzzed. "Yes?"
"Mr. Minamino, your wife is here to see you. She says it's not urgent if you're busy."
Kurama perked up. Asuka had come all this way to see him? "Please, tell her to come in."
"Hello, Love," Asuka said as she entered his office. "I was—oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were in a meeting."
"I'm not," Kurama said as he stared at Asuka. "She was just leaving."
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Minamino," Ms. Nakano said. "I'm looking forward to working with you."
Kurama said nothing. Instead, he scooted past Ms. Nakano and stood before Asuka. His heart leaped when she smiled at him.
Ms. Nakano left and shut the door.
As soon as they were alone, Kurama pulled Asuka to himself and covered her mouth in a scorching kiss. "Asuka." He put a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Who was that?" Asuka asked. "She seemed…"
"Like she was coming on to me? Yes." Kurama sighed. "Normally, they aren't so bold. I'm not sure what she was thinking."
"She has nice boobs."
"Yours are nicer," Kurama assured.
"Oh yeah? Her's were pretty huge."
Kurama held Asuka's cheeks. He could see the amusement twinkling in her violet eyes. She never seemed to get jealous or surprised by these situations. After all, she'd been dealing with his "fans" since before they fell in love. "Anyway, enough about her. You came to see me." He stared into her eyes. "Do you know how agitated I've been while at work?"
"I had some idea," Asuka replied with glittering eyes. "Because I've been feeling the same."
Kurama brought her back into his arms. He inhaled and filled his nostrils with her scent of sweetness and rain before he kissed her again.
After they broke apart, Kurama glanced at his office chair and had a vivid flash of Asuka on his lap and his face buried in her open blouse. The logical side of his brain counteracted with an image of his assistant walking in.
"Probably not a good idea," Asuka said with disappointment. She knew what he was thinking.
"Yes, you are right. But the thought was still there all the same." Kurama squeezed her hand before he went back and sat at his computer. "Give me just a moment, Love."
"I was just stopping by to say hi. I know that you are busy."
Kurama looked up at his wife. "I'm never too busy for you."
Her eyes glittered as a smile danced across her face.
"Let me finish this up and I'll take a thirty-minute lunch."
"Take your time." Asuka settled into the chair across from him.
Kurama read through his spreadsheets, made corrections, and answered an email that popped up. Then, he set the computer's screensaver before his attention went back to Asuka.
Her chestnut hair, which she'd kept the same during their entire relationship, draped over the chair and hung low to the floor. Her violet eyes flickered back and forth as she read the book that was propped on her lap.
So beautiful.
Kurama wanted to kiss those lips again. He wanted to hear the sounds Asuka made when he was inside her. His office chair tempted him again.
"What is it, Love?" she asked as she gazed up from her book.
"I was admiring how stunning you are."
She smiled again. "I've missed you so much."
Kurama went around his desk and offered his hand. "I've missed you."
Asuka took it and stood. Kurama gently clasped it and led her out of his office. He stopped at his assistant's desk. "I'm taking lunch," he said to Mrs. Tato. "I'll be back in a little over thirty minutes."
His assistant was a woman in her mid-60s with giant-rimmed glasses and peppered hair. "Very good, Mr. Minamino. Enjoy your lunch."
They walked out of the building.
"What would you like to eat?" he asked when they got outside. The finance district was bustling with business professionals out for a lunch break.
"Curry?"
"I should've guessed."
Asuka chuckled.
"There's a place over here. It's not as good as the one by our house, however."
"That's okay," Asuka said.
They walked down a side street and slid open the restaurant door.
After they ordered, Asuka and Kurama settled into a table for two on the far side of the restaurant. The air was warm with spices, the sound of oil hissed from the kitchen, and the conversations of other customers were just out of reach.
"How are you feeling today, Love?" Kurama asked. "Still jet lagged? Did you get enough rest last night? You were awake later than you should've been."
Asuka's hand wandered forward, and he clasped it. They weren't normally this handsy in public, but their time apart had left them needing extra touchpoints.
"I slept better than I did all trip," Asuka assured him. "Because I was in your arms."
"The same for me," he said gently.
Kurama had gone to bed early so he could hold Asuka while she slept. The feel of her warmth pressed against his chest had brought such serenity that it made him fall asleep without meaning to.
"Would you like to see our friends this weekend?" Kurama asked. "I'm sure you're missing them."
Asuka smiled at him again. "I do miss them, but I miss you more. I just want to stay home with you. Unless you have things you need to do."
"I don't," Kurama said. "And that sounds perfect. It's a date."
Asuka drank the Houjicha she'd ordered. "I guess there's one thing I need to do. I have rehearsals starting Tuesday, so I should go over the pieces. But I can do that at home."
A devious grin broke over Kurama's face. "Will you play naked for me?"
Asuka returned the same look. "If you're lucky."
Kurama chuckled and then brushed his fingers over her delicate hands.
For their fifth anniversary, Kurama had surprised Asuka with a walnut, natural-stained baby grand piano. The look on her face that day…
The server set the plates of tonkatsu curry in front of them and left.
"Kurama," Asuka said.
He looked up. The tone of her voice had changed.
"Just so you know, the fertility appointment got moved up to Tuesday at six-thirty."
"Okay," Kurama said gently.
Asuka's face scrunched with pain and stress. Her large violet eyes brimmed with tears before they cleared.
Kurama squeezed her hand.
When Asuka first broached having children two years ago, it was an automatic yes. He said yes because he knew how much she wanted babies.
As for his feelings...it's not that Kurama didn't want children, but he wasn't eager for them, either. His feelings were…passive.
His passiveness on children was steeped in his contentment. He was content with how things were. He loved Asuka. He loved being with Asuka. If they didn't have children, that was just fine with him. His life felt complete, as is.
But he wanted her to be happy, and she wasn't.
Asuka's anguish didn't abate as they ate their curry, and it pained him. Kurama hoped the answer from the fertility doctor was straightforward and there was an easy fix. And truthfully, he hoped the issue lay with him.
He knew that Asuka would have an easier time if it were his fault. If he was fixable, great. If it wasn't, well—he could put aside his preferences and use his other body.
Last night, Kurama had tried to remind her of the possibility his body could be the broken one—but she hadn't found comfort in that. Her reaction told him he'd misstepped. Asuka had a very logical reason to suspect herself, after all.
Still. He wanted Asuka to stop blaming herself. He didn't want her decision to save the Makai to have any more consequences. He'd much rather bear this burden.
"I love you," he said.
"And I love you," she replied.
Kurama looked at his watch. "I apologize that I have to get back to work. I'll meet you at home?"
"You don't need to apologize. What time will you be done today?"
"I hope by six."
"Maybe I'll hang around and wait for you to be done."
Next time you leave, I'll find a way to be there for at least part of your tour. We're not made for long distances, are we, Love? "I'd like that," Kurama said truthfully. "But if you feel tired, go home and rest. That way, we can spend time together in the evening."
"Sounds good," Asuka said as they stood up.
Kurama squeezed her hand. "Thank you for coming to see me. You've made the entire day better."
"I do what I can."
"You do more than enough," he assured. "I'll work fast, so I won't be late. For now, enjoy your afternoon."
They walked outside into the chilled afternoon air.
Asuka dug her phone out of her pocket and opened an unread message. "Oh, this is good timing. Your mom is wondering if I want to get some coffee. She's only working a half-day today."
"Perfect. Say hello to her for me." Kurama hugged Asuka. "I love you, always."
"Always."
Reluctantly, Kurama turned and headed back to the office.
-* ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ *-
"Asuka!" Shihori called with a gentle wave.
Asuka smiled and wove her way through the coffee shop toward her mother-in-law. When she arrived at the table, they embraced.
"It's so good to see you again," Shihori said. "We've missed you."
"I've missed you! I'll be right back. I'm going to get some coffee." Asuka went to the counter, ordered a regular coffee with cream, and returned to the table. She shifted into the seat and wrapped her fingers around the mug. "When I was in the States Shuichi told me you were going to part-time. How are you liking it?"
Shihori smiled. "I like it a lot. I was feeling exhausted from the constant demand of my job. I didn't have to keep working—but quitting altogether seemed like too big of a step. So, they shifted some things around at the company for me so I could work part-time. I think it's a good compromise. I'm feeling a lot more rested. And! I took up knitting."
"Really? That's great!"
"I'm working on an emerald green scarf for Shuichi. I thought it would make his eyes stand out."
An image of Kurama wearing his deep gray peacoat jacket with a green scarf passed through Asuka's mind, and she inhaled. "It would."
"I suppose he doesn't need to stand out any more than he already does."
That was probably true, but Asuka would never pass on an opportunity to admire her husband. "I think he'll look amazing. I can't wait to see the finished scarf."
"You're next if that's okay."
"I'd love one! Thank you."
"Purple? To match your eyes?"
"It's my favorite color."
"Then it's settled." Shihori took a long drink of her tea. "So, how are you feeling about being back?"
"Relieved. It was fun, but I missed Shuichi terribly. If I ever go overseas to play again, I think we'll have to figure something out so he can be there for part of the tour."
"I'm sure he feels the same." Shihori smiled. "Is your schedule busy over the next few months?"
"Not terribly. I've got a few concerts, but so far nothing too taxing. It'll be nice to have a lighter schedule after such an intense few weeks. I'm planning on resting a lot."
"Good for you. You deserve it."
"Thank you." Asuka looked out the window and her mind wandered to the appointment that was only a few days away.
"Everything all right?"
Asuka's attention was refocused on her mother-in-law. She hesitated. Part of her wanted to tell Shihori what was happening on Tuesday. Asuka's mother-in-law knew she wanted children, and Shihori had said more than once that she would be delighted to help with childcare.
But Asuka didn't want to say it out loud. She didn't want to disappoint Shihori if the tests showed pregnancy was impossible. She didn't want Shihori constantly wondering how the IVF treatment was going. And Asuka didn't want to feel obligated to give updates—especially if they were depressing. So she said, "I'm all right, just feeling jet-lagged still. Coffee should help." She took a sip.
Shihori nodded. "Let me know if you need to go home and rest."
"I will, but I think some coffee will do the trick. I want to get on Japan time as soon as possible, and powering my way through will help."
"I understand. Will you tell me about your trip?"
"I'd love to."
Asuka spent the next hour talking about what happened on her trip and conversing with Shihori. Even though she didn't tell her mother-in-law the more painful bits of what was happening in her life, she took great comfort in simply being near such a wonderful and warm person.
Author's Note:
I love writing from Kurama's perspective. It's always so interesting to me because he's a more complicated character and his thought processes are so different from Asuka's even though they share a brain cell :-P
I should mention that Kurama's jacket is directly based on a piece of fan art from a lovely Japanese artist who goes by the name Momo on Pixiv. I bought a physical print of said fan art and it lives on my desk! It's one of my all-time favorite depictions of him.
There is a ton of Kurama fan art out there but hardly any of him as an adult. I think we deserve more adult Kurama fan art, so if you're an artist and reading this, consider it my humble request ;-)
Thank you to everyone who added Consolation to their favorites or followed! Drop me a comment if you feel so inclined :-)
See you next week!
-Arielle