Chapter 17: Fantaisie-Impromptu (Or, a spontaneous fantasy)

Asuka decided to extend her trip to Genkai's another five full days. One reason was to help Yukina, and the other reason was to train. An increasing amount of dread spurred her urgency. She needed her powers, and she needed them now.

When Asuka got home from Genkai's, she called Keiko and gave her an update, including Yukina's confrontation with Hiei.

"I wish I could've seen that," Keiko giggled.

"I don't know if it was the decade of silence from Hiei, or the postpartum pregnancy hormones, or a combination, but Yukina was in a mood and didn't hold back," Asuka said, laughing.

"Will Hiei be there when I get up to Genkai's?"

"I don't know. He was still there when I left."

"I'll make sure to tell Yusuke before I leave. I was going to head up this afternoon but my parents had something come up so I have to wait until Yusuke can take over."

"Oh," Asuka said as she unzipped her suitcase. She adjusted the phone on her ear before it slipped. "I've got a meeting at four, but other than that, I'm free. Can I help at all?"

"Thank you for offering, but it works out. Raiden's teacher wants me to stop by to talk after school."

Asuka paused. "Is everything okay?"

"Just the usual stuff," Keiko lamented. "Raiden is a good kid and doesn't hate school, but he can't sit still in the classroom. She expects perfection and it's just not realistic. I've explained that it's his ADHD and he needs fidget toys and other accommodations, but she is old. She's of the opinion that my son is lazy and if he just 'worked harder', he could be a good kid and sit still."

"That's awful," Asuka said.

"I know. After this meeting, I'm going to talk to the principal and see if we can get him switched to another class."

"That's a good idea," Asuka said. She stowed her suitcase and flopped on the bed. Her long hair fanned out behind her. "What a prick of a teacher."

"It's hard for Yusuke too," Keiko said. "Raiden is a lot like him. Back when we were teenagers, Yusuke didn't care about finishing school, but I think he regrets it now and doesn't want Raiden on the same path as him. I keep reminding Yusuke that we're both supporting Raiden and Genki, while he had just me when we were young. And that wasn't parental support."

"You're right."

"Anyway," Keiko said, "Do you have anything going on this weekend?"

"Not much," Asuka said. "If Yusuke needs a hand with the boys or if your parents can't come, tell him to call us."

"I will. Thanks, Asuka."

"Of course. How are you feeling?"

Keiko sighed. "I'm exhausted. This pregnancy is really kicking my butt. I've been losing weight from all the vomiting. Doesn't matter what time of day it is. Hopefully, by the second trimester, it'll be done with. Yusuke is worried about it."

"I'm sure."

"Well, I think I'm going to try and nap before I got to Raiden's school. Wish me luck."

"Text me with how it goes, okay?"

"I will. Love you Asuka. Talk soon."

"I love you, too. Talk soon." Asuka hung up the phone and then checked the clock. She still had some time before she needed to meet Himari, so Asuka sat at the piano to work on the Consolations and some other pieces she would perform soon.

Midway through Fantaisie-Impromptu, Asuka stopped and placed her hand on her abdomen as a wave of cramps swept over her. She huffed uncomfortably and leaned her head on the piano until it passed. So annoying! She had been getting cramps for the past few days, which was especially irritating because her period was late. At this point, she wanted it over and done with. If these cramps were any indication, this period would be filled with mood swings, bloating, and everything fun that comes with monthly bleeding.

Asuka shifted on the piano bench and set her fingers on the keys again. She breathed in and started over.

Chopin's Fantaisie-Impromptu was among his best-known works and was a favorite of pianists trying to improve their technique. It was everything Chopin—the fast technical with the grace of thoughtful sections. It was a love letter to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and because of that, Chopin decided not to publish it. His decision irritated Liszt to no end, who insisted the piece was worthy.

Asuka smiled as she recounted their argument. No matter how much Liszt encouraged his friend to release the piece, Chopin would not budge. Fantaisie-Impromptu sat locked away until Chopin's death and someone published it posthumously.

We are our own worst critics, Asuka thought as she leaned into a somber section, right before she flew into a fast technical section. Her fingers danced up and down the piano gracefully.

Because Fantaisie-Impromptu was so famous, Asuka was working extra hard to give it a unique spin. If she thought hard about Chopin's style, she could recreate how he would've played it, but that would be seen as "uninteresting" by many and—unfaithful to her own style.

After Asuka got to a place where she felt satisfied with the piece's direction, she stopped, had a late lunch, and then headed out. Since it was rush hour, Asuka opted for the train.

While in transit, Asuka decided to do some training. She allowed her ki to bloom and spread outward to the three people in the train car. Asuka hated reading other people's lives without their permission, but she needed to practice getting a clear vision with Insight. This differed from her training a decade ago where she'd output power but hold back the visions.

The first person directly across from her looked to be twenty and a university student.

Okay, Insight. Tell me something about what he did today. There was a fog in her mind as she focused her powers on the young man. The fog began to lift. Asuka's heart leaped with hope. Tell me, Insight.

She could see him hunched over a Bunsen burner and an Erlenmeyer Flask. He carefully squeezed the pipette in his hand and dropped some liquid into what was cooking on the burner.

Asuka tried to push harder, but the rest remained in a swirling fog. She let go, breathless and elated. That was clearer than her Miyazaki vision! She was making progress.

The next person was an old woman with cracked lips and a scarf wrapped around her head. Asuka pushed her mind again and found the woman had been playing mahjong with a friend in the hospital. It was only a single, momentary glance, but it was something.

Asuka pushed her power toward the last person on the train but was met with a dense fog. Probably because I'm too tired. Reluctantly, she let go, but she did her best not to feel perturbed or upset. She was making progress. I just hope I can progress fast enough for us to figure out what is going on with the dragons and the Makai.

She still hadn't heard from Koenma about the dragons which concerned her. Either there was no documentation or Enma had hidden the files. Maybe he destroyed them. The latter worried her considerably, given what Enma had said.

If the time distortions are happening in the Makai, then that's where the dragons have to be. I can't see another explanation. But where? The existence plane is huge. Without knowing a specific location we'll never find them. Asuka sighed. Come on powers. I need you. The world needs you!

The train announced her stop. Asuka gathered her purse and adjusted her royal purple trench-style raincoat after she stood. The train doors opened, and she ventured outside and up the stairs to street level.

Two blocks down from the train station was Paris Baguette. It was a Korean chain that had decent coffee and delectable pastries. When Himari couldn't come all the way to her apartment, they often met here.

Asuka entered the store and was hit by the smell of baked bread and surgery pastries. She scanned the store to find Himari and sure enough, her manager was tucked away in the corner with a sprawl of papers across the table. She typed frantically while she talked on her cell phone.

Asuka fought the urge to laugh. Everyone in the store was thinking the same thing—this woman on her phone typing loudly was extremely rude. If she had to make a phone call, she should've gone outside.

Not Himari.

Asuka saw no dishes or plates in the chaos that surrounded her manager, so Asuka ordered for her. She got a coffee and a very berry pastry for herself and a cream cheese pastry for Himari. By the time she'd gotten everything from the counter, Himari was off the phone—but still furiously typing.

"Asuka!" Himari said when she looked up. "Oh—thank you. Thank you. I haven't ordered yet."

"I know," Asuka said as she set down the pastry in front of Himari. "I saw you on the phone earlier. It looked serious. Everything okay?"

Himari waved her hand dismissively. "Not about any of your stuff. The Sapporo Symphony wants Kenji to play a cello concerto since they don't have a principal, but the symphony refuses to pay for his travel expenses."

Asuka made a face. "I remember they didn't cover my travel costs when I played for them."

Himari nodded. "That was before you and I signed, and you were still up and coming. But both you and Kenji have an album that sold well internationally…they don't deserve him unless they're willing to pay for his travel expenses. End of story."

"You're the best, Himari."

"I know. Sorry for being distracted. Let's get to you. We've got a location, time, and place for your Consolation recording."

"Really?" Asuka brightened.

"Mhmm. Five months from now at Suntory Hall."

Asuka gaped. "But it's such a large venue. How are we going to fill it for my recording?"

Himari smiled. "Well, strictly speaking, you're not the only person who's going to record that day. You're going and the Tokyo String Quartet will also be recording."

"That makes sense. But still. Suntory Hall is so big."

"It's got the best recording equipment and that's what you deserve. I'll send you all the details in an email, but here's the contract for it," Himari said as she pushed a manilla envelope toward Asuka.

Asuka opened the folder and read through the agreement before she signed with the pen Himari had given her.

"Next order of business: you and Kenji should think about your next collaborative effort. Sony wants ideas and a plan."

"We haven't talked about it. It feels like we just got back from the States."

"I know, but I'm putting it out on your radar because they will expect some ideas by next quarter."

"Got it."

Himari went through more paperwork and scheduling for next year's orchestra season. Asuka couldn't believe how busy she was going to be. It felt good to have so many projects and performances already lined up.

"That about wraps it up," Himari said. "Now, did you bring me a souvenir from Tahiti or wherever that sexy husband of yours whisked you away to?"

Asuka laughed. "I did, actually." She reached around her bag and pulled out a jewelry box. She gave it to Himari, whose face had changed to awe. Gingerly, she opened it and found a pair of black Tahitian pearl earrings.

"Asuka…" she breathed.

"It's my way of saying thank you for everything that you've done for me."

Himari pulled the box close to her misty eyes. "Thank you. This is one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever received."

"I saw them and immediately thought of you."

"I'm touched…truly." Himari's face was still one of awe as she stared at the earrings. Without a word, she took off her gold drop earrings and put the black pearl earrings on. Then, she took out a mirror. "Perfect," she said with a subdued smile.

Asuka grunted as another round of cramps washed over her.

Himari snapped the mirror shut. "What's wrong?"

Asuka sighed. "Oh, nothing. My period is late and I've got cramps. It's annoying."

"How late is your period?"

"Late." Asuka frowned.

Himari looked at her for a long time.

"What?"

"Can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure?" Asuka said, confused.

"Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"

Asuka's heart flipped in her chest, and a sour taste filled her mouth. "I…why do you ask?"

"Well…you can get cramps when you are pregnant. It's pretty common."

Asuka's mouth gaped. "Really?"

"Really. Your uterus is stretching, so it feels a lot like cramps."

Asuka placed her hand on her stomach. "I…well…" the tears welled. "The doctor said I can't get pregnant."

Himari's face changed to one of extreme empathy. "Oh, Asuka…I'm so so sorry."

Asuka shrugged while she wiped her eyes.

Himari reached over the table and gripped Asuka's hand. "I know that pain," she said quietly. "I know it well. I had six miscarriages before the doctor told me it was time to give up."

"That's why you don't have any children," Asuka said through her tears.

Himari nodded. Her own eyes were now wet. "This happened seventeen years ago, but I still carry the grief. It never really goes away."

Asuka squeezed Himari's hand. "All my friends are having babies right now," she said through more tears. "And I love them all to death, but I feel like my infertility is a hard thing to talk about with him."

Himari nodded again. "You feel like you can't, because you don't want them to pity you or act weird around you, and you don't want to take away from their own joy."

"Yes, exactly."

Himari let go of Asuka's hand and sipped her coffee. "They say one in four women has had some kind of issue with fertility. It's more common than anyone would expect, yet we treat it like a dark secret. I was so fed up with it, by the end. I hated that taboo feeling so I started talking about it. Why should I have to keep my suffering bottled up inside? I ended up making a lot of people uncomfortable so I understand wanting to keep it private."

Asuka nodded. "Our trip to Tahiti was a consolation trip. Shuichi arranged it because the IVF procedure failed."

"A good man, he is."

"He's the best. And…it did help. But nothing will completely take away the sadness."

"No, nothing. I'm so sorry I asked about pregnancy before. I should've known better."

"No… it's okay, actually. Like I said, I haven't talked about it with anyone, and…I could use a good emotional vomit if I'm honest."

"Vomit away."

Asuka spent the rest of the time talking to Himari about her infertility, the struggles with the IVF treatment, and how she was trying to adjust her worldview. She cried a therapeutic amount.

IVF wasn't readily available when Himari was trying to get pregnant, so she couldn't relate to that aspect, but Himari was empathetic and serious as she asked questions. It was an immense relief to Asuka to unburden herself on someone she trusted.

"You've been through a lot, Asuka."

"Yes, but…I'm trying my best. Music helps."

"It always does, doesn't it?"

There was a silent agreement between the two women.

Himari's phone alarm went off. "Well, that's 'the mister will be home soon' alarm. I better get going before I find him trying to do something disastrous—like cook."

Asuka laughed. "Thank you for listening. I feel a lot better."

"Anytime." Himari began gathering her papers and putting everything in the briefcase she liked to tote around. "I hope you have a good weekend, Asuka. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," Asuka said. After Himari left, Asuka slumped in her chair and stared out the window. She should get home too—she'd been without Kurama for too long and she was aching to see him. She couldn't wait to tell him about Maeko.

During the train ride home, Asuka's thoughts kept settling back on what Himari said. It wasn't possible…was it? No. It couldn't be. Her body didn't cooperate during the IVF treatment. It was preposterous to even think she could get pregnant on her own.

Asuka got to the apartment and called, "I'm home!" but when Kurama didn't answer, she knew he hadn't arrived. She sighed, took off her shoes, and stowed her coat in the closet. She sat on the couch and was about to turn on the TV when a violent need overtook her. I have to know.

She ran to the bathroom and told herself over and over that this was just to put the suggestion out of her mind. She knew it would be negative. Of course it would be negative.

Asuka unwrapped the pregnancy test. Her fingers trembled as she took off the plastic cap. She sat on the toilet. It's going to be negative. It's going to be negative! she screamed in her head. Don't give yourself hope! She raised the test upward so she could see. Her heart pounded as the strip began to turn. She blinked as she watched the test run its course. Then a gasp escaped her lips.

Positive.

Author's Note:

A spontaneous fantasy indeed. :-) I don't have a lot to say this week except the playlist has been updated with Fantaisie-Impromptu. It's one of the piano pieces you've probably heard even if you don't know the name of it. As always you can find the playlist by opening Spotify and pasting /playlist/5cVDZjlukJw1QrXJZbYLHj into the address bar after Spotify's web address.

See you next week.

-Arielle