"You think I should WHAT?"
A fluttering of wings, and then a flock of birds took flight from a tree.
Kagome stared at Miroku as though he had grown a third mutant green head.
"Well, speaking from personal experience, I find this to be a great aphrodisiac – "
Kagome clenched her teeth. "Miroku-sama."
The man looked perfectly at ease, toting three toddlers in two hands. One of the twins giggled and chewed on her father's dark hair (Kagome still took time to distinguish between them). The other screeched and clapped. Only baby Hisui looked nonplussed. Sensible boy.
"But Kagome-sama, you asked me for advice and this is what I believe – "
"You're saying that grabbing Inuyasha's ass will be a great aphrodisiac?"
"It worked for me." Miroku smiled off into the deep blue sky, lost in whatever memories he'd made in the three years Kagome had been gone. "Ahhh. It feels like yesterday, when Sango and I – "
"Let's move on," Kagome said in a hurry. She didn't need to hear what came after 'Sango and I.' "Any other ways I could, you know..."
Her voice faded into the breeze. She was regretting this more and more with every passing second. It had been only a week since she had returned to the feudal era, and while she was ready to take things with Inuyasha to the next level, he had proven to be...shy in these matters. Breaking away abruptly right when things were getting good, turning beet red when his sharp nails nicked at her underclothes, apologizing for the accidental hickey he'd left on her neck...
Did she ever apologize for the hickey she had left on his neck? Never. Why would she?
So why should he?
Kagome could have whined aloud from the frustration he'd been subjecting her to.
She was not going to Kaede baa-chan for help with this. That would have been the most horrifying conversation of her life, and it would never happen. It would be equally awkward to ask one of the villagers, Sango was running errands with Kohaku and wouldn't be back until nightfall, so that left...Miroku.
He was the most unrepressed man Kagome had met. Ever. And he had three children, so he and Sango were getting some action. Kagome never thought she would have been envious of them, and she still wasn't, but if things continued this way...
Then...then...
She clenched her teeth again.
How desperate was she to go to Miroku of all people for advice?
"How about telling him that you want to bear – "
"No."
"Then..." Miroku's face wilted. Kagome should have figured. She had nixed the only two moves in his entire amorous repertoire...
"Powdered scented centipede venom!"
What?
"What?"
"Sango was telling me about it the other day, while we were discussing a potential fourth child!" His face drifted into a blissful, rapturous daydream.
Hisui shrieked and Gyokuto wailed. Kin'u was unperturbed.
Kagome was –
"In the taijiya village, there was this old saying, that if you use powdered scented centipede venom – "
"Goodbye, Miroku-sama."
She turned on her heel and stomped off to hers and Inuyasha's house, leaving Miroku to his ongoing blissful, rapturous daydream.
He waved at her in a slow, lazy way, lost in thoughts of child number twenty and the best ways to get there.
"Let me know if you need any more advice!"
She would not.
Although...compared to powdered scented centipede venom...that first piece of advice was looking good now...
...No, it definitely wouldn't work. Even though his bottom did look quite firm. And pinchable. And squeezable. But Inuyasha was too shy for that sort of thing.
...Maybe his ears...? Would scratching his ears do the trick? Or would he just growl in contentment and drift off?
Kagome sighed.
Kaede baa-chan was looking like a better and better option with every minute.
A/N: Just a little place for the InuKag one-shots/drabbles that flit into my mind...
I accept requests, so if you have anything you want to see, let me know! And please leave a review! :)