You sure do know how to put a smile on our faces! You guys rock! Hands down. Thanks to all of you for reading and reviewing and for Pamela for prereading!
-16-
Alice
July 6th, 2023
Lighthouse Cove, Maine
In all honesty, I feel like I never slept at all.
After Jasper had texted me once I sent him the link for the pictures I took of his family at the beach, we ended up texting for the rest of the night. We stayed awake until we could barely keep our eyes open, and the late hour shows on my face in the morning when I look at myself in the mirror.
Even though I stare at my reflection with tired eyes this morning, I don't regret staying up late. I have plenty of time to catch up on some sleep, and last night I unexpectedly ended up enjoying myself. I had been tired anyway, and after Rose and Bella had left to meet up with Emmett and Edward, I wasn't expecting anything other than a quiet night to myself.
I was wrong in the best way.
Opening the door, I notice that the house is quiet as I leave my room and tiptoe down the hall towards the stairs. I slip past the girls ' rooms undetected; I was so preoccupied with my conversation with Jasper that I didn't hear either of them come in last night.
I hope they enjoyed themselves like I did. They deserve it.
We all do.
When I make it into the kitchen, I start a pot of coffee and grab the expo marker on the fridge while I wait for it to brew. I think for a moment before writing a morning message for the girls on the board, the marker in my hand waving to and fro between my fingers as I think of what to write.
It comes to me a minute later as I'm staring out the window above the sink lost in my thoughts.
Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink the wild air.
I scrawl the words onto the board quickly, realizing just how true Emerson's words resonate with me this morning as I wait for Jasper to drop off the muffins. His mother had insisted on baking them as a token of gratitude for snapping their family picture, and I could already tell there was no way of stopping her.
The sun is beaming already today, and right now, Jasper seems like a whole lot of sunshine.
I worry I'm not wearing enough sunscreen.
I haven't even had a chance to tell the girls anything about last night after they left. I definitely wasn't expecting anything exciting to happen, yet here I am at nine in the morning, standing on the back porch waving to a man who has unexpectedly come into my life.
After I had texted him my address, we realized he was only four houses down the beach from us, and agreed that walking over around nine was a good time for him to drop off the muffins.
That was before we had stayed up until after three.
The last time I had stayed up until three in the morning, for fun, was….I stop to think.
I can't even remember when the last time was. Probably during last year's trip.
All I know is that now, as I stand here and watch with burning, bleary eyes as Jasper approaches the house from the beach with a covered dish in his hand, it feels good to let everything go for once.
When he finally arrives, pausing on the first step of the wraparound porch, his smile is brighter and hotter, than the sun in the sky.
I feel a sunburn on my skin already.
"How was your commute?" I manage to ask with a smile, and he chuckles at my lame sense of humor.
"Eh, traffic was a bitch but you know how it is," he laughs. He hands me the dish. "These are for you."
"They look delicious," I gush, peering at the dozen his mother has made through the clear lid. "Mmm, blueberry. Have you had any yet?"
"She wouldn't let me," Jasper says with a dash of disappointment.
"The audacity!" I joke, motioning with my head towards the empty table overlooking the ocean for him to stay. "Sit. I'll grab some plates."
"Thanks," he answers. "Can I help with anything?"
I'm at the back door faster than I realize, my nerves needing a minute to gather themselves. I call out over my shoulder, "I got it. Coffee okay? We have orange juice too, I think."
"Coffee sounds great, actually."
I hope I can carry it outside without dropping it.
Because what just happened? Did I just invite him over for breakfast? What if he wanted to leave? What if he had only planned on delivering the muffins? I pretty much forced him to stay on the porch like a dog.
Sit. Good boy.
I use the large refrigerator door to hide my face in a carton of eggs and collect myself before going back out there with him. How is it possible for him to look like this at nine in the morning? The man doesn't look like he spent the majority of the night awake on his phone.
No, he looks utterly indecent wearing a simple pair of gray board shorts and a plain white tee. His hair, wavy curls on the top of his head and faded on the sides, still makes me want to run my fingers through them like I had thought about doing last night.
It makes me look down at myself in disgust.
Not wanting to appear too overly dressed, I had thrown on a pair of jean shorts and a white tank top, the straps of my bathing suit top tied around my neck. My hair, long enough now for me to tie into a messy bun, is pulled away from my face and neck.
I feel exposed and vulnerable.
But not uncomfortable.
It's just me stepping outside of my comfort zone. I have to remember it's okay to take a chance every now and then.
When was the last time I cared what I wore in front of a man? The last time I had someone to impress?
To say I'm rusty at best would be entirely accurate, but I can't hide in my refrigerator forever.
Grabbing the essentials for Jasper to flavor his coffee the way he prefers, I take a deep breath before opening the door to join him outside again.
"I didn't know how you like your coffee so I brought you some options," I say, shutting the door behind me before walking to where he waits for me at the table. He turns at the sound of my voice, his eyes widening as he sees me carrying the tray of flavored assortments toward him.
"Let me help," he offers, standing up to take the tray out of my hand. "I would have helped you carry this outside if I had known what you were up to in there."
The gentleness in his voice reminds me of our night at the bar and how genuine he sounded as he listened to my every word.
"I wasn't up to anything," I laugh lightly. "Just wanted to make sure you have what you need."
"I do now," Jasper replies, his eyes meeting mine with a kind smile. I find myself smiling back – as if he had left me a choice. His smile, the soft way it lights up his face and accentuates his full lips, is contagious. I beg my own lips to remember how to talk, and eventually, after we're sitting again and passing out utensils and napkins, I make an attempt to keep the conversation going.
"I can't take all of these muffins. There's only three of us here," I say, cutting one in half to spread butter on the inside. Though it's still early, the warmth of the sun has done a decent job of softening the butter, and it tastes like heaven as I take my first bite. I don't say anything to him, just close my eyes as I savor it in my mouth.
"Enjoy them for as long as they last here," Jasper laughs, obviously used to these types of reactions when it comes to his mother's baking. "They're all yours."
"Should I save some for you?"
"There's another dozen back at the house for the rest of us," he reassures me and reaches for another muffin before popping the whole thing into his mouth like he has had a lot of practice over the years. He smiles again, this time the grin on his face telling me it's not his first time he has shoved a whole muffin in his mouth. I picture a younger Jasper sneaking cookies or muffins or other desserts from his mother's watchful gaze, and it makes me think of Bree and all the times I've had to keep my eye on her in the kitchen.
Clearing my throat, I roll my eyes in jest. "That won't last long with as many people as you have over there."
"Nah, the muffins will probably be gone by noon if they're not eaten already," Jasper exhales, pushing his plate away and grabbing his cup of coffee. He sips it gingerly before bringing it back down onto the table, his eyes never leaving mine.
"So I'm definitely going to save you some then," I reply. "If I can. These are delicious so I can't make any promises."
"Mom will be thrilled to know you think so," he says. "Baking is her thing."
I nod. "Her love language."
He pauses for a moment, his eyes leaving mine to consider what I've said. "Yeah, I can attest to that."
"Was that how it was for you growing up? Did you come home from school to a freshly baked apple pie every day?"
"Not every day," he laughs. "But knowing Mom or my grandmother had baked us something was something to look forward to after being in the Texas heat all day."
"You're from Texas?"
"You can't tell?" Jasper asks with a small chuckle. "My brothers say I've lived in Boston so long that I'm starting to sound like it."
"I can hear it now that you mention it," I say, wondering if it was the mix of a southern drawl and a northern sharpness that drew me into his words under the 4th of July fireworks. "Boston is incredible, too. I went there for a business trip once and loved it."
"It is pretty great. I went to MIT and pretty much never left."
"Except for the summer when you come here?" I ask, enjoying these little tidbits about him.
Jasper shakes his head and takes another sip of his coffee. "This is the first time I've ever been here, actually. My grandparents used to come here years ago — up until my grandfather died, pretty much. So when my grandmother died last year, she made us promise to spread their ashes here over the ocean in Lighthouse Cove. This summer is the first time we've been able to have all of us here to do it."
"I'm sorry to hear that," I say softly, immediately feeling the impact of his loss. At this point in my life, loss has become ingrained in me. "So that's what you're all doing here this summer?"
Jasper nods slowly, exhaling as he leans back with his coffee in hand. "Pretty much. My parents are retired so they'll stay here with my nieces and nephews for a few weeks before they go back home. I travel for work so I'll be here on and off until everyone leaves town again."
Reaching for my own coffee, I follow suit and lean back in my chair as well, making myself comfortable as the temperature rises around us. "What do you do?"
"I work for Apple. I train people and companies around the country on iPads and other Apple products to boost their productivity in the workplace. Schools, universities, doctors' offices. If they have an iPad, chances are I've taught them everything they know."
"Wow," I say. "Impressive."
Jasper shrugs. "Eh, it's not so bad. Just makes it that much more frustrating for me when I see Mom struggle with anything related to technology," he says, and we both laugh good-naturedly at her expense. "What about you? What do you do?"
"I'm the director of Human Resources at a hospital down in Jacksonville," I answer. "And yes, it's exactly as fun as it sounds."
"Florida, huh?" He asks, sounding interested. "It's more of a hike for you to get to the island than it is for me."
"I've done it so many times I can do it in my sleep by now," I laugh. "It's nothing."
"How often do you come here?"
"Every July with my two college roommates. Haven't missed a year yet and it's been seven years now."
"That's a commitment," Jasper says with admiration. "But if I had the opportunity to come back here every year, I'd find a way to make it happen, too."
"That first time we were here, we had just graduated and made a promise to each other that we would come back," I say, feeling a warm sense of pride come over my body as I share our story. "We were moving away from each other and needed something to bring us back together, even if only for a little while. So we come to this house every year for two weeks and book the house for the following year before we leave."
"Seems simple enough," Jasper says thoughtfully. "I can see how this place can kind of just…suck you in. It's quiet but it isn't boring. Secluded but not to the point where you feel trapped. Kind of a perfect place to just…be as you are."
"Be as you are," I say, repeating his words as I digest them. "You're right. My girls and I have brought different versions of ourselves to this island every summer. And it doesn't judge. Doesn't mock. Just lets us — "
"Be."
Nodding slowly at him in agreement, we bring our coffees to our lips, letting the magic of the island soak into our skin. Even for a seasoned guest like me and a newcomer like Jasper, Lighthouse Cove has a way of throwing life into perspective.
Also for throwing worlds off their axis —as I'm witnessing with my own eyes at the sight of Edward Cullen surprising Bella here at the house at this precise moment. Surprised I can still form any words as I watch what's happening between them on the porch, we exchange pleasantries and watch them head off on their way to also possibly just…be.
I turn back to Jasper once it's just the two of us again, shaking my head at the amusing interruption. I fill him in on the little details I know about Bella and Edward, making it a point to talk to the girls as soon as I can. I feel like there is so much to discuss.
Starting with how I'm having breakfast with a man on the back porch at the same time Bella whisks off to who knows where with another one.
And where the fuck is Rose?
Chuckling to myself at this series of events my girls and I are facing, I finish the last of my coffee and place it on the table. "I need this place to remind me how to live sometimes," I breathe, standing from my spot at the table to allow the wind to wash over me. I close my eyes as I face the ocean. "It's so easy to forget that when I'm home."
"To be alive?"
Jasper doesn't know. He doesn't know I've spent the last years of my life focused on the exact opposite of living.
I'm tired of hiding in the dark.
I don't offer much in response; a single nod and he knows not to push.
"Well," he says after a quiet moment, picking up his nearly drained coffee cup. He stands to join me next to the railing, leaning his elbows against the wood as he looks out over the water. "Here's to remembering how to be, and finding your new self along the way."
When he looks at me a moment later, I'm thrilled at what I may have already found.
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