He was getting ready to leave when Driscoll came over to his desk.

"Michelle knows where you're meeting her?"

"Yeah. It's not too far from the place we met last time."

It had been about four months now since Michelle had gone undercover. He had only been able to make contact with her twice in that time, both for very brief moments in busy cafes. Michelle had concealed herself with sunglasses and a scarf, so he hadn't been able to tell how she was doing. She had already transmitted a few things she'd found, but today she had more to discuss, so they had agreed to meet somewhere a little more private. According to Michelle, it was easier now that Gaeta seemed to trust her more. This relieved Jack because it meant he could check in on her properly. Without the rush of worrying about whether someone would spot her with him, he could afford to ask a few questions unrelated to the case.

Driscoll looked around, checking that nobody was within earshot of them.

"Jack, I know you…care about her. But don't let that get in the way of getting the information CTU needs."

She had made it clear time and time again that he was out of CTU Los Angeles as soon as this operation was over. Most of the other staff had been replaced by this point. The only person Driscoll had willingly kept was Chloe O'Brian, which was a wise decision because it was no secret how good she was at her job. So it was reasonable to assume that his mere presence was getting on her nerves.

"I know that."

"Even if you think she's not cut out for fieldwork given Tony's death, she's finishing this operation off, then it won't be a problem anymore."

He met her eyes, confused.

"If she makes it back, I've already put in a request to transfer her to Division."

"If?"

She shrugged indifferently. "You know how it is. A lot can still go wrong in these last few weeks."

Jack was already irritated, wondering what kind of game she was playing. "Why Division?"

"It is a shame that I'll be losing her, but after this mission, she'll be a loose cannon, and I can't afford to deal with that. It's not my problem."

He folded his arms. "So you're treating her as expendable? You don't give a rat's ass what happens to her, because regardless of whether she makes it back or not, she won't be your responsibility."

Driscoll scoffed. "You're making me sound like a cold-hearted bitch, Jack. Besides, isn't this what you want for her, anyway? A nice, stable job where she can't get herself killed?"

Biting the inside of his cheek, he realised she wasn't wrong. He had worried himself sick thinking about Michelle these past few months, wondering when he'd get the news that her body was found so he could blame himself once again for the death of somebody close to him. If Driscoll was planning on sending her somewhere that could prevent that, then Jack couldn't argue with her. Even though he believed she'd do great work as a field agent, she was also perfectly capable of and able to fulfil her career aspirations by working somewhere else too. A desk job wouldn't get her killed. That was all that mattered to him.

"You better get going." She said with a fake smile.

He resisted the urge to flip her off before getting in his car to head towards their meeting spot. Michelle was already there when he pulled into the empty parking lot of the building. Jack almost didn't recognise her. Last time she'd appeared a little under the weather but really no more exhausted than usual. Now, he could almost sense the change. As he walked closer to her, his sense became well-founded. She looked like she'd lost weight, there was a sallowness to her skin, and her eyes were flitting about nervously, unable to focus on anything.

"About time you got here." She said quickly, passing him a thumb drive with a trembling hand. "I managed to get these off his computer. If I'm right, the weapons shipment is coming in a couple of weeks. I also know the warehouse he's using."

As he listened to her explain further and took the device, he stopped to hold her hand, feeling it tremble in his grip.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She said, wiping under her nose.

He took a good look at her, wondering why her composure — or lack thereof — seemed so familiar to him. It wasn't just that she looked tired to the point of burnout, although he knew that was surely true. She looked…sick, almost. Jittery, unstable, not even like herself. Meeting her eyes, he could see her pupils were dilated. And suddenly, everything seemed to click into place, creating a pang in his chest.

"Are…are you high?"

She laughed weakly. "What do you care? It worked for you, didn't it?"

Sighing, he shook his head.

"Yeah, Jack, it's not pretty. I know you're disappointed and think I'm pathetic. But I had to make the 'grieving widow' front look convincing. And it worked. Because Gaeta trusts me. He's telling me everything, and soon it's all going to be worth it." Michelle said in a jumbled rush. "I don't want to feel anything anymore, Jack. You of all people should understand that." She pointed at him. "Every time I shut my eyes I see those people at the hotel, I see Gael dying in agony, I see him beaten to death and covered with a sheet. So forgive me for trying to find a way to live my life."

He thought back to what Driscoll had told him before. And he realised that despite her underhanded tactics and selfish motivations, he was glad she was pulling Michelle out of the field. Because if this was only the beginning of her finding new ways of dealing with her pain, then Jack shuddered to think of the trainwreck that would eventuate.

"I don't think that you're pathetic. I think that you're in pain and that you need help."

That seemed to trigger something in her. She almost looked taken aback, not expecting to hear someone disagree with how she felt about herself.

"Look, I don't have a lot of dignity left. I don't have a lot of anything left. But please, give me the dignity of doing my job."

The words came out as a sad, mumbled plea, and he wanted nothing more than to drive her to rehab, drive her to somewhere that could take care of her, that could stop her from pushing down how she truly felt. Some part of him wished she would cry, wished things were like how they had been in the few days after Tony had died before that stony, distant demeanour had taken over. He just wanted to be there for her. Not because he was trying to fill some void that Tony had left, as Driscoll and some others seemed to believe, but because he understood the pain she felt and wanted to be there for her. Because she didn't deserve to go through it, and she sure as hell didn't deserve to go through it alone.

Michelle went to leave and he took her hand one more time.

"I'm not going to pull the plug. I know you can see this through."

The corners of her mouth upturned a little in appreciation.

"Just…just be careful."

"I will."