Chapter 14 - Seal my fate

There were many things in life that Mitsuri Kanroji couldn't ever have anticipated. Like her parents growing lack of interest in her, or all the challenges she'd face when they'd toss her from state to state without ever letting her the chance to settle down and make friends. Or even the excruciating pain she'd go through at the hands of the man her parents had sold her to, without her knowledge nor her consent.

But none of that mattered when faced with the tornado that had been rocking her world for the past few months. Yes, the Obanai Iguro storm she could have never, ever anticipated.

He was everything she wanted, everything she needed and all the things she hadn't known she'd missed all condensed into one person.

Mitsuri hadn't really understood love before him. It took up all her thoughts, scrambled her brain and it made her body act in ways it never had. Love was a roar into the void, until it was heard by someone. And Obanai had become Mitsuri's someone so quickly, so spontaneously and so wildly… She feared she'd never let him go.

No. She didn't want to let him go now or ever, but most especially now, when he was standing in her apartment with his shield down, unguarded, untamed, unstoppable as he gave himself to her.

No one had ever done that. No one had ever trusted Mitsuri with their whole self like he just had. No one had ever given her their time that freely, just because she asked, or even because she had pleaded.

Now, Mitsuri guided Obanai in the dark of her apartment. It wasn't as big as his, only one room with a small kitchen area, a table set against big windows, one small couch in the corner, a bathroom and her bedroom. It was enough for her, who hadn't ever experienced having something of her own, or even her own space, free to do with it what she liked.

But the tour of the place would wait, she simply led Obanai deeper inside, never turning any lights on. She didn't want him to put his mask back on or feel ill at ease in her space. Also, she wanted free access to his lips as long as he was willing to give it to her, and she would not give that up for anything in the world.

Soon, they were in the kitchen and Mitsuri turned to Obanai in the quiet dark of the place.

"Do you want to grab something to eat? I could make you a sandwich if you like."

"I don't want to impose, Mitsuri." Was his only response and she understood he wanted to take her up on her offer but didn't dare to do so.

"You're not, I'm offering." She reassured as she promptly went to the fridge to take out what she needed. "I ate with the girls earlier and I've just about begged you to stay the night, Obanai, it's the least I can do, really."

Mitsuri immediately started making him a big sandwich, hoping it'd be enough even when she knew that it was a poor substitute for a real meal. Her back was turned to him the whole time, working on her countertop with a small light on but trying her best not to watch him. She would respect his wishes as long as he needed her to, she would turn her head and close her eyes and stay in unlit rooms as long as he stayed with her. This was a small price to pay for having him around.

"Alright." He finally relented. "But you don't have to beg me for anything, I'll stay with you as long as you'll have me, Mitsuri."

Fuck. Mitsuri heard the knife in her hand cling loudly against the cutting board as she felt a rush of emotions overcome her. She raised her head lightly and closed her eyes for a minute as she tried to slow her breathing down. She really, really felt like crying right then. After all the whirlwind of emotions she had already felt tonight, from anxiousness to hopefulness, to lust and desperation… Without even mentioning love, the strongest of them all and the one that had her in a chokehold right then.

She was just overwhelmed with all of it. Especially considering the fact that she still struggled with her own doubts about even deserving all of this, deserving him, the most magnificent, most enigmatic and most lovable man she had ever met.

Mitsuri took another deep breath, desperately trying to refocus herself to the task at hand - namely, making the man she loved a fucking sandwich. It shouldn't be that hard, damn it!

She felt careful hands encircling her waist from behind, barely grazing her clothes - much less her skin - and guiding her gently to rest her back against his firm chest. Mitsuri downright melted at the contact of his strong body against hers and let the tension seep slowly from her stiff muscles.

"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours." He whispered against her hair, all while his hands gently squeezed her sides.

"Just… You." Mitsuri tried to force out the confession, she wanted to be more truthful, wanted him to know that she wouldn't hide anything from him. "You make me feel things that I don't sometimes know I deserve to feel."

Obanai pressed a soft kiss into her hair, which Mitsuri took as a reward for her honesty. But honestly, she was just a sucker for any of his kisses, especially when they made her tingly all over.

"You deserve everything, Mitsuri." He replied with passion. "And definitely better things that I can give you." He amended with his voice turned slightly somber.

Mitsuri flashed her eyes open and focused again on the sandwich she was making for him - feeling more centered now with him holding her like this.

"Hush, now." She admonished as she gently slapped his hand in reaction to his words. "I'm making you a sandwich because you're the person I want here with me, right now. And I want to take care of you. So don't talk bad about yourself!" She chided more forcefully, chopping things left and right with steady hands.

He chuckled behind her and stayed in the same position, simply holding her as she completed her task.

Soon, Mitsuri found herself contemplating a perfectly made sandwich. One of her best works, really. She swiftly turned off the small light illuminating her hands and turned back around. She pushed the plate in Obanai's hands now that they weren't touching her.

"Here." She offered with a smile. "Have at it. I'm gonna go take a small shower. Then, we'll watch a movie." She practically ordered out loud. "Well, if you want to, of course." She quickly corrected herself.

"That sounds great, actually." He replied with wonder coloring his tone.

"I'll leave you to it, then!" She bursted and fled the room with remarkable speed, and without even stumbling on nothing but air. The small wonders of the world!

She rushed to the bathroom and locked herself inside before letting her body lean heavily against the closed door. She took a few deep breaths, composing herself. And went to check her reflection in the lit mirror.

Mitsuri looked like a mess, to say the least. Her hair was all tangled up in knots framing her face, giving her a wild look. Her eyes were glassy and her lips red and almost swollen from all the kissing they had done and her cheeks were still pink from embarrassment and exhilaration.

She let her fingers trace her own skin and she watched in wonder. She truly felt like a different person than the one she'd been only hours before. Now, this Mitsuri knew what it was to kiss Obanai. She knew what it made her feel, what it made her desire, things she never wanted before, things like intimacy, sweet confessions, shared delight, delicious kisses and mesmerizing touches. Mitsuri looked at herself and saw a kaleidoscope of colors she had never understood before she met Obanai.

She blinked out of her contemplations, and focused her body on the task at hand. She carefully brushed her hair and tied it in a loose ponytail. After that, she took the world's quickest shower and changed in her usual sleep attire: a simple tank top over gym shorts. She couldn't even find it in her to feel self conscious, she was pretty sure Obanai would want her regardless of what she wore at night.

She turned the light off and left the bathroom with a sure step. Her apartment was still basking in the night's darkness, the moon was shining higher in the sky, giving the place an ethereal glow. Mitsuri stepped around on quiet feet until her eyes settled and she could perceive Obanai's shape sitting on her couch, checking his phone.

"I left clothes for you in the bathroom, if you want." She offered as a way to break the silence. Her heart was wildly beating in her chest and nowhere near slowing down.

Obanai locked his phone and tucked it in his pocket as he stood up. Their eyes met in her apartment's relative darkness and she tried her best to remain calm, self-assured and confident, even when she knew she'd never shown that much of her body to him before. He froze in his tracks as he took her in, the air stilled for a moment and she felt it in her bones. Before long, he crossed the few steps that separated them and stood close enough for their bodies to nearly touch. Mitsuri had to look up a little to keep their eyes locked, she felt cornered - in the best way.

"Thank you." Was all he replied before brushing past her and retreating in her bathroom, their hands barely touched as he did so, but the contact sent her on a spiral nonetheless.

She didn't turn around to watch him, only waited for the sound of the door clicking shut to let her know that she was alone in the room. She let out a small breath and tried her best to settle her raging heart. A beat passed, and a second, and Mitsuri set herself in motion once again.

She quickly grabbed her laptop from her kitchen table and decided on the best course of action. She didn't want to sit on the couch with Obanai. No. She was braver than that, and she selfishly wanted more. She knew as well, that this night could either be the beginning of something more, or the end of everything they had started building together - a friendship, a kinship that went beyond anything she'd ever known before, a companionship based on genuine feelings.

But Mitsuri was willing to risk it all, for this, for him, and for herself. Because it would never be enough to have him as a friend, because she had never wanted the love of someone else like she wanted Obanai's. She wanted his heart to belong to her, she wanted to be selfish and not let others take from her the things she craved, she wanted Obanai Iguro and his love, his touch, his voice, his eyes on her and his lips against hers. Nothing could ever take that thought away now that she had had a taste of him.

She walked straight to her bedroom, the lights were still off and she threw the laptop on her bed before trying her best to make the room look presentable. The walls were covered with movie posters, landscape pictures, drawings from her whole life and colorful touches of paint. Her desk was drowning under college papers, books and all the clutter one could expect from a student's desk. Mitsuri tried to put things in relative order before Obanai joined her. When the thought formed inside of her mind, she felt heat travel all over her body. How was it that they could even find themselves in this situation in the first place?

Mitsuri had never believed she could welcome someone in her life the way she had with Obanai. She had thought herself too damaged, too guarded, not brave enough. Now, she knew that Obanai took up a place in her life that no one had ever taken before him. He had become interwoven in the very fabric of her being, part of her essence, tied to her heart and burnt into her soul.

Mitsuri stared at the night sky from her window, stuck in a state of deep musings and fluttering hearts. Behind her, the bed she wanted to share with the only person she had ever desired. All around her, the room that held the fragile equilibrium of her gained freedom. Before her eyes, a sky that was as foreign to her as it was familiar, it reminded her of another night - months before - during which she had been too cowardly to take what she wanted. In a way, her own sense of self felt as foreign as it was familiar. She had changed, but somehow not. She had grown, matured, and somehow not - she still faced most of the newly uncovered world in childlike wonder. But through it all, Mitsuri had lived. She had feared and she had loved and she had kissed and embraced the whole of it.

As if something powerful was pulling her away from the window, Mitsuri found herself turning on her feet. Obanai was there. Waiting patiently just outside of her room, not crossing the invisible line until she could give him permission to do so. Mitsuri sighed in contentment when she saw him in casual attire, just like her, and the small pit of fire that had never stopped burning low in her body threatened to engulf them both in flames.

She walked to him, impossibly drawn to his body, his soul, his fire, and took his hands in hers as she slowly walked back to her bed. He followed without hesitation, eyes never straying from hers, fingers tightly holding on, feet silent on the floor.

"I wanted to watch a movie in bed," Mitsuri quietly explained, "Is this ok with you?" she asked then, suddenly unsure.

"Yes," he answered just as quietly, "Whatever you want."

Mitsuri giggled at that, helpless when it came to containing her happiness inside. It bubbled out of her without thought, tainting the air with her mirth.

"I want you to stay with me tonight." She provided with a smile big enough to light up the room. I want you to stay with me every other night. She wanted to add, but refrained herself from doing so.

The back of her legs hit the bedframe and she pulled Obanai close before guiding his hands to rest at her waist. He took the hint just as soon and even slid his fingers under her small top to caress the skin of her sides. Feeling braver than ever before, Mitsuri did the same to him. She grabbed his t-shirt, drew him to her with a swift yank and - when their lips clashed - let go of the soft fabric to slide underneath and lay her hands on the skin of his stomach. Obanai hitched a breath and Mitsuri took the opportunity to slide her tongue against his lips lightly before biting him and kissing him with a ferocious intensity as her nails scratched the skin of his toned abs - just because.

This time, she was the one in charge. Or so she thought.

When Obanai felt the curve of Mitsuri's lips against his, smiling because she couldn't help it, relishing the feel of him getting lost under her touch, he relinquished the threadbare of control he had kept on himself until then.

One of his hands left her waist to curve in her hair, loosely tied at the back of her neck while the other gripped her hip to keep her still. When Mitsuri's wicked fingers kept traveling over the burning skin of his torso and she bit his lip once more, Obanai couldn't keep the low groan that came from the bottom of his stomach and traveled all the way up to leave his lips. His hand gently pulled at her hair until she let go of the lip that was stuck in between her teeth as she let her head be guided inches away from him.

Obanai's words died on his tongue when he caught her gaze. Her eyes glowed in the dark, light green illuminating the room, pupils dilated, soft lashes framing them like artwork. Fucking perfect. And she was looking at him like that. Her hands flexed against his stomach and he couldn't keep his muscles from contracting at the feel of it. Her lips drew in a lazy smile, like she knew just what she did to him. But she couldn't. The things he felt for her, they were chaotic, overwhelming, tainted with the dark need he couldn't control and the burning love for the only woman he had ever kissed in his life.

Right then and there, Obanai wanted nothing more than to keep this wild dance going between the two of them. He wanted to run his hands all over her skin until she felt so lost she couldn't even think about anything other than him. He wanted his soul imprinted on her skin, through his touch, his kisses and everything else he could ever give her. But this was the night he had kissed someone for the first time. This was the night he had let himself leave some baggage behind in order to fight for his desires instead of against. This was the night Obanai had finally taken something for himself, selfishly, without second guesses, without restraint, without guilt. Everything was just right. Mitsuri in his arms felt right. He didn't want that to change just yet.

"Obanai," she breathed his name like a plea, nails digging in his skin, sure to leave an imprint - he had never burned so hot from just one touch.

The hold he had on her soft hair tightened as another groan escaped his constricted throat. He had to extract the both of them from this situation before it could escalate even further and they wouldn't be able to back down. Not much more of her offering herself in his arms and he'd forget all about controlling the fire inside of him from scorching everything in its wake. More and more, it felt like the right thing. But no. It couldn't. No this night, at least.

"You're the first person I've ever kissed." Obanai confessed. Because he knew it would get to her like nothing else he could have ever said. She froze in his arms. Fingers growing lax against his stomach, simply resting there. Her eyes grew wider and wider as realization dawned on her. Of what his words meant, of what they implied, as well.

"You are the first person I've ever held, ever shared a bed with, ever taken home or gone home with." He kept talking, almost rushing the words out so he'd be free from their hold. Her eyes kept growing ever wider, and they looked like they gleamed with unshed tears. "You're basically the first everything to me, Mitsuri."

Somehow, saying this, even as it was freeing, felt scarier than confessing his feelings to her.

Her hands slid from underneath his t-shirt to rest on each side of his face. She drew him to her slowly and he let her. Their noses brushed and their breaths mingled as she spoke.

"You're the first and only person to ever make me feel this way." The words were whispered against his lips as her hands cradled his face. "I never kissed anyone like I kissed you. I never wanted to. Never knew I even could. You're a first for me too, Obanai."

He couldn't have ever fathomed the impact her words would have on him - how they would soothe his sharp edges, soften the fire burning in his veins, heal cuts that were invisible but as painful as the one from which he carried scars to this day.

He crushed her to him, burying his face in the crook of her neck as her fingers slid to the back of his head and held him in place with a fierce strength. Obanai let himself enjoy the feel of Mitsuri so close, her skin soft and warm to the touch, her pulse skittering against his lips as he pressed them to her neck. She sighed and burrowed deeper into him.

"Let's watch that movie." She spoke in his ear and he only hummed his consent before ever slowly detangling their bodies.

Mitsuri only looked at his eyes for a few seconds before guiding him in bed alongside her. They settled under the covers, she grabbed her laptop from where she had carelessly tossed it earlier and opened it. She quickly put something on, they both knew that they wouldn't be watching with enough attention to really care about the story anyway. Mitsuri set the laptop on top of the covers and burrowed her body against his once again.

Obanai felt the weight of her head settle first on his chest. Her hand followed soon and she laid it against his heart. He knew that she'd feel it wildly beating under her fingers, there was nothing he could do about that. He was in bed with the woman he loved, resting together as if they had done it a hundred times before... only they hadn't - and he couldn't keep the wild energy of it all inside.

The movie started and Mitsuri kept breathing against his chest. Obanai had rarely felt comfortable enough in his skin to take his clothes off in public - until then. Because he had never craved the feel of someone against his bare skin like he did in that moment. He wished the t-shirt he wore could magically disappear so that Mitsuri would lay against his naked form. Suddenly, it was as if Mitsuri had felt his need for skin to skin touch because her hand slid underneath the fabric to rest in the same spot as before - only against his bare chest.

Obanai's heart settled a little as minutes passed and he watched the movie without truly seeing or hearing much of it, simply enjoying the feel of Mitsuri against him. His hand was drawing patterns on the bare patches of skin on her back, her shoulder or her neck, getting comfort as much as he was giving it.

Soon enough, the movie's credits were rolling on the screen and neither of them had fallen asleep just yet. Mitsuri's hand left its spot on his chest to close the screen of her laptop. She slowly rose from her laying position and bent over to put the device on the bedside table next to Obanai. He followed her movements with his eyes, transfixed by the grace with which she performed every small action.

As she drew back, she turned her face to his instead of away. Their eyes met in the dark and he could barely discern the color in them anymore - he missed it. They stayed like this, simply gazing at each other for long seconds.

Slowly, as if she didn't want to frighten him, Mitsuri lowered her face and brushed her lips against his in a whispered kiss. As Obanai laid in her bed, under her covers, with her skin brushing against his in all the right places and her attention solely focused on him, he felt like he was in heaven.

"Can I ask you a question?" She mused as she remained in her position, halfway laying on top of him, with her hands on each side of his face, her lips only an inch away and her eyes piercing through his - all the way to his soul.

"Anything you want." He replied in all honesty. In that moment, he was bewitched, body and soul, and there were few things he could refuse her, he knew. And anyway, he wanted to answer all her questions, as many as she asked, for as long as she wished. Obanai never wanted to hide anything, anymore.

She smiled as she leaned in and brushed her lips to his once again. His breath caught, his fingers captured her loose ponytail just like he had done hours before and he kissed her with a bruising intensity, filled with every feeling and desire boiling to the surface of his being. She melted against him, letting her chest press against his own and her tongue dance to his tune.

And just like he had done before, he pulled on her hair at the same time as he detached their lips and looked her in the eyes. She was panting above him, a mess of his own doing, the subject of his raging want.

"What did you want to ask?" He pushed, even as he knew that she was well past forming coherent sentences in that moment.

Her glazed eyes tried to focus again but it took a few seconds for her to truly reign in whatever he had managed to elicit inside of her body. The hand that had been laying next to his head went to cradle his cheek. Mitsuri's touch was as gentle as it was electrifying. Obanai still couldn't understand how she could touch his broken face with such ease, like she didn't mind, like he wasn't completely fucked up inside and most especially out. Tingles spread everywhere she touched and all over his skin.

"Why now?" She finally asked, quiet words, but they carried a heavy weight.

Obanai hadn't expected this. He hadn't known what to expect, exactly, but certainly not that particular question. Somehow, answering it felt like he would be baring his insides and his soul. Everything laid out in the open for her to rummage through.

"Because of you." His tone was nowhere near accusatory, only explanatory.

"Me?" She mused out loud.

"Yes. You." He confirmed. "You and everything you've ever done for me ever since we met."

Mitsuri looked properly baffled, with her hand frozen on his cheek and her lips parted in surprise. Her mouth closed once, then she opened it again, as if she wanted to speak, but ultimately decided to keep it shut.

"You have pushed me, again and again, to fight for what I wanted." Words tumbled out of Obanai's mouth. He didn't have any hope of keeping it all inside, nor did he truly want to. "Ever since we met, you have made me face the person I had become after years of keeping everyone at bay, of never trusting anyone with any part of myself… Because I never wanted to get hurt again."

Both of Mitsuri's hands were now holding him, anchoring him to the feel of her resting in his arms.

"But you…You make me want to live the life I never knew I could have."

Mitsuri gasped. The sound halfway between a laugh and a sob.

Obanai rose from his position laying on the bed to sit straighter. Somehow these words didn't feel right being spoken from such a vulnerable stance. Mitsuri followed his action and slightly drew back, but Obanai had no intention of letting her go. His arm went around her waist and dragged her to him. She followed without question until she found herself practically on his lap, with her knees on the bed on each side of him and her hands on his shoulders to remain steady. He let his fingers travel all over her body, from her thighs framing him to her arms holding on to him and even down her neck and the exposed skin of her back, sending shivers in their wake.

"I thought I couldn't kiss you." He explained further as he kept her close. "I believed you wouldn't want to. I was so sure of it… Until I wasn't." Mitsuri let out a soft chuckle, but her voice was strained under the weight of her emotions. "You made me brave enough to want to grab the things I wanted, and I started believing that it was alright to want those things. And I want you, Mitsuri."

He punctuated his declaration with a tightening grip on her waist, fingers grazing her burning skin. "I wanted you the first time we spoke and every other time after that. I've wanted to kiss you for as long as I've known you. And also so much more." He concluded with a whisper.

"I want to hold you while you sleep or when we're watching a movie on my couch." Mitsuri's hands slid to his face again and she resumed stroking his skin as he spoke. "I want to be with you when you're happy, or sad, or angry or anything in between."

Obanai couldn't see much of Mitsuri's features in the darkness, but he saw enough to witness the fall of a tear down the corner of her eye. He brushed it away before it could slide further down.

"I want to kiss you in every room where we stand together. I want to kiss you in front of our friends and the whole entire world. I want to kiss you when you go to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning and also every minute in between."

Silent tears kept rolling down Mitsuri's cheeks in a steady flow but Obanai caught them all.

"Today was just the day I refused to fight it all any longer. Because of you. And the way you talk to me, the way you touch me, the way you look at me… Like no one has ever done before, like you want me, too." Now it was Obanai's voice that cracked on the heels of that sentence.

"I do!" She finally interrupted. "I want you, Obanai. And I want everything you want, too. I want all of that and more!" Mitsuri spoke through the tears that kept streaming down her face, with her hands never straying from his scarred face, touch as gentle as it always had been.

"Please don't cry." He couldn't help but beg. Because the thought of her in distress was too much for him to bear, and he didn't know what he could do to help.

"I'm just so happy," Mitsuri reassured, "I never thought I'd get to live this life… And I never thought I deserved someone like you, Obanai. You are the most incredible person I've ever met."

"You're the person I want to kiss before bed every night, and the only face I want to see every morning when I wake up, and also every moment in between." She concluded, stray tears still escaping from the corner of her eyes.

The echo of his own words spoken back to him had a devastating effect on Obanai. His heart had started painfully constricting in his chest, his fingers trembled against Mitsuri's cheeks and he suddenly felt like he couldn't see all that clearly anymore. He blinked once, twice, and felt the distinct slide of moisture on his skin.

Impossible. He thought in that moment. He couldn't remember for the life of him the last time he had shed any tears about anything in his life. He had probably been so young that the memory simply didn't stick to his brain.

Mitsuri caught the stray tear with a soft kiss pressed to his skin, right where his scars still tore into him.

"Let's do that, ok?" Mitsuri whispered, close to his ear as he shuddered in her arms. He had been the one holding her in the first place, but in that moment, it certainly felt like she was keeping him steady with the strength of her heart.

"Let's start with tonight. You can kiss me before I fall asleep." Mitsuri went on and he was enraptured with her voice, a balm against his frayed nerves. "And if you still want to, you can kiss me in the morning when I wake up."

"Deal." Was his only answer.

Their lips met, without even realizing that they had both been craving the other's touch. The kiss was slow, deep, it tasted of salt and of desperate longing. The kiss was the sealed promise that for every day that would come, Mitsuri and Obanai wouldn't ever again be alone in the dark. As long as they had each other, they had everything.

Author's notes :

I didn't want the kiss to just be a kiss, so I wrote this next. Hope you like it! Let me know!

Also, thank you to everyone who has ever read, left a review, favorited and/or followed this story, it means the world to me to see people liking it.