Chapter 19 "What You're Doing" (Early November 1983)
(Song suggestion- "What You're Doing" by the Beatles)
Dr. Ray Stantz
Although we didn't know the specifics, it was evident that the Egon and Janine romance had become consequential. The new couple had become more affectionate and their interactions a little more intimate in public. In the past couple of weeks, Spengler would hold her hand for a short time occasionally while he was talking to her, and once or twice I had seen J give him a quick kiss before she left for the day.
Peter and I talked about his night after the gala with Bianca in great detail.
"Egon Spengler! Are you back? What happened to you last night," Peter exclaimed in surprised.
We heard our business partner return to the firehouse by accidentally slamming the door a bit before quarter to five in the afternoon. I looked delighted at him when he announced our friend's return as Egon hadn't come home last night after the gala.
"Holy crap," Peter declared noisily, "would you look at this, Ray?"
For a man usually dressed immaculately, he looked like a bum the day after the gala- Egon had his white button-down shirt half-tucked into his pants and halfway untucked, and the buttons were not matched evenly. Moreover, he had a few hair strands out of place on his usually stiff pompadour hairdo. Also, his ordinarily shaven face had the dark stubble of a five o'clock shadow. His tuxedo jacket was wrinkled and creased, which may indicate that the two lovers were rolling around together on a bed or maybe just thrown on the floor. Spengler's typically grave expression looked distinctly ecstatic with a twinkle in his eyes and his lips slightly upturned to our shock.
"What the..," I uttered, my mouth dropped open. Even Pete was speechless as Egon quietly strolled in the room like he was coming back from his office dressed in his ordinarily neat manner. Silently, he appears dazed and unaware of his surroundings.
"Holy moly, did you get some p**y," Venkman inquired suspiciously, eyeing him.
Angrily, Iggy spun around quickly before sitting down and growled, in all solemness,
"I will kick your a— if you say that again, not just push you up against the wall like last time."
Our business partner Egon Spengler had a formidable countenance on his face. That frightened Pete clearly by his agape mouth and very wide-open eyes. For a second or two, the two friends faced off until Dr. Venkman apologized sincerely and immediately, looking both baffled and nervous at the same time. Spengler's aura was very similar to the one when Venkman called J a bi—-.
"What time is your train to Albany," I questioned, changing the subject to ease the tension at the kitchen table. I flipped open an engineering magazine I had found there and read the table of contents.
"Seven fifteen. I didn't realize it was so late," Egon peeked at his watch on his left hand but didn't look worried. It was almost five, and the fact he didn't worry was unlike him, too, as he liked to be extremely early to his appointments and before travel usually. He lowered himself into a chair next to me after retrieving a pack of twinkies from the cupboard and a can of tab cola from the fridge.
"Iggy," Pete inquired slowly, "what the hell happened? I mean, since the two of you had your date on the roof, you have been more relaxed and happy."
I expected him to dodge the question like he always did when it concerned J as our fearless leader opened the fridge to retrieve a beer. Peter glanced at me, waited for me to meet his gaze, and raised his eyebrows, offering me one. Still, I shook my head as Lucy and I went to a famous upscale bar last night after the gala and drank too much. As a result, my head was aching, and my wallet was empty.
"Can you be more specific," The theoretical physicist requested, raising his right thick eyebrow.
"Stantz reported to us that you and Janine left in a hurry last night, then you didn't return home until now. You never look like a wreck-your clothes are wrinkled, you have lipstick on your collar, your shirt buttons are not evenly fastened, and your tie isn't on at all. I never saw you like this even when you were 'dating' the artist," Peter mentioned slyly and smiled like a cat who ate a canary.
Distractedly, Iggy looked down at his shirt and noticed the mismatched buttons like he didn't believe Venkman.
"Oh, I didn't notice."
"And you were in Brooklyn," I added, pretending to use her nasally accent, causing a grin from Venkman.
"What are you asking exactly," he inquired, there was a sly smile on his lips, and it was evident that he knew what we were implying, " and I would be conscientious how you do it."
"Checkmate, Egon," Peter grinned and rethought his comment. I smiled at the implication as Phoebe and I finally shared our first kiss two nights ago after I took her out to dinner and a movie, and it was fabulous.
Spengler's expression didn't change- he still looked amused with his lips slightly upturned in a tiny grin.
"Janine invited me to her apartment after we left, and I agreed," he finally stated. Egon hid an authentically joyful smile from his lips. However, it failed imperfectly.
We stared at him, and he glanced bashfully at us for a moment before looking at his package of twinkies. Half of them were gone already.
"That's it, something is wrong with you," Pete announced, twisting the beer bottle open and taking a sip before feeling our friend's head with the back of his hand dramatically.
"Come on, Venkman," he complained, rolling his shiny brown eyes upwards.
"You look more joyful than I have ever seen you in the last six weeks than I have seen you since in the almost ten years that I have known you," Venkman continued mindfully.
" Last night, you seemed to relish yourself at the gala, but, of course, you had an extraordinarily gorgeous woman on your arm. That's not normal."
Swiftly, I went down the stairs to get the PKE meter from Spengler's office and hurried upstairs. Iggy smirked at me when he saw the meter and almost chuckled as he finished his last Twinkie.
"Shut up, Spengs, this is serious," Peter jested, indicating to him that I was a little cuckoo when I returned.
I switched the PKE meter on, impatiently waited for it to warm up, and finally waved it in front of our friend. Disappointingly, there wasn't any reading. Egon wasn't possessed, and Peter shook his head after running his hand through his balding hair. Our psychiatrist was only two years older than me, but he looked closer to Spengler's age of thirty-three with his hair thinning.
"Come on, Ray. It was a joke," Pete remarked with a laugh, reproachfully to me, "nothing is wrong, but I can tell you what is right with my close friend, Dr. Egon Spengler."
"Janine is right for him, " I finished his statement and then stammered, attempting to collect my thoughts despite my head hurting, "her effect on you...I have never seen you act so...so...human... with Janine or even without her around."
Again, Egon did not say anything, pushing up his dark circular glasses with his index finger, but he appeared jubilant. Swiftly, I rose from my chair at the table, jogged to our shared room, grabbed my Nikon camera, and snapped a picture of him. The flash blinded him a little, but I successfully captured the moment.
"Documentation," I quipped, out of breath, giving our theoretical physicist a wink.
Dr. Egon Spengler
The phone rang.
"Is it Juliet," Peter inquired of Spengler in jest with his lips pursed together in a kiss before actually answering the phone, "hello? Yeah, he's right here. Ray, it's Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."
Ray rolled his eyes upwards and went to the phone as Pete sang the Beatles song chorus loudly.
"Are you a couple now?" My oldest friend questioned me, sitting next to me at the table with his beer after he had successfully irked Ray enough.
"Huh," I questioned frantically, running my left hand through my dark hair, and a frown appeared on my lips because I hadn't thought about that yet.
"Nevermind, Spengs. Can I at least say I told you so? I knew that Janine would be great for you," Peter quizzed me with a severe countenance for once.
"Go ahead and say it," I urged with a slight chuckle.
" I told you so, Egon Spengler," Pete ragged on me in jest, " the first time that I have ever proved you wrong since I have known you."
"Feels good, huh," I acknowledged with a wide smile.
"Something did happen last night, though, right," he suggested, hitting me on the arm.
"Yes, but not what you are thinking," I replied, blushing as my mind recalled undressing Janine gingerly, exploring her beautiful body everywhere. Memories of causing her to come to an orgasm and the way she moaned my name when her buzzer flipped off. Her two lovely pink lips perpetually lured me to kiss her most ardently with all of my love and affection for her. Her tongue massaged my own so intensely, causing me to shudder in the memory of how erotic it felt. A woman had never kissed me with the same affection and desire the way she does, and I was afraid to admit that I was maybe addicted to it. Maybe to her.
"It went well," Ray remarked as he watched my face light up as I recalled it all.
"Peter, in all...Uhm.. seriousness, I care...Ahem...profoundly for Janine. You can't insult her," I schooled him with a somber expression on my face.
"Oh, don't worry, I won't because I have learned my lesson, Iggy. Yes, it's pronounced that the two of you admire each other sharply. Ray and I have attempted to instruct you of the fact of her interest for eight months," Venkman explained exasperatedly.
"I'm a very slow learner when it comes to love and Janine," I disclosed, with a half-smile, standing up to go to the restroom for a shower and excusing myself.
Dr. Peter Venkman
"Jesus," I declared in disbelief to Ray after he hung up the phone, "did you see that?"
"Spengler? Yes, that's why I got the PKE. Did you see the look in his eye when he warned you?"
"Duh, Ray. That's why I didn't say what I wanted to originally. Iggy would have killed me," I answered sarcastically, "I have to hand it to Janine, and she has him wrapped around her finger now."
Ray smiled in agreement, lighting up a smoke, and commented, "It appears so."
After a while, he inquired after he exhaled a big cloud of smoke,
"Do You think they have finally admitted they are in love with each other and did the 'deed'?"
"The 'deed'? Are we in middle school, Raymond," I drily scolded him, causing his chubby face to blush as a result of my comment?
"I don't think we will ever know. Egon won't divulge much, and I doubt we will hear much from Brooklyn," I concluded, shrugging my shoulders and then drinking my beer.
Dr. Egon Spengler
As I gathered fresh clothes to change into for my trip to Albany in a daze, I was hesitant to remove the shirt that Janine had caressed tantalizingly to arouse me. She had also kissed my neck with her ruby lipstick while accidentally making marks on the collar. Still, I eventually took it off, gradually sliding it off of my body.
A picture of Janine flashed in my mind- one of her in that sexy, almost see-through 'Goddess' dress.
"It accentuated her beauty to the max," I thought as I switched on the water in the shower and waited for it to heat up. One more time, I inhaled the scent of my shirt. Janine. It smelled like her, and my face lit up as I recalled it. Sighing, I put the shirt down and tested the water with my hand after pulling the black shower curtain back. The water was warm enough for me to commence showering, so I unbuttoned and unzipped my pants before pulling them off, revealing my very erect sex.
"Just the thought of her arouses within me such a fiery desire for her," I thought out loud and removed my socks from my feet, dismayed.
Next, I turned to view myself in the mirror and analyzed my appearance.
" What does she see in me, " I wondered as I saw a nude thin man with poor vision with dark hair and a massive boner. Suddenly I heard her voice say as if it were magic in my ears,
"I care so much about you, Egon Spengler, for the way you are, the man you are."
When Janine made that last statement, I was mystified by it at the time because I disbelieved that such a beautiful and charming woman would feel that way about me. Now I felt like it was reassuring for her feelings for me, and it made me giddy like a child opening gifts on Christmas.
Finally, I entered the bath and moved underneath the shower head to wet my body. I still had time before I needed to arrive at the train station. Still, I didn't want to dawdle, so I expeditiously wet my body with the hot water, which felt great on my skin. Next, I lathered my hair with shampoo, but my mind was on my seductress, Janine.
After Leslie and I were through, I decided to forgo sex in favor of reason and control, but now it almost seemed trivial to do so. In some ways, my life was already out of control; I admitted my intense feelings to Janine and broke my rigid routines a few times to go out with her. I had always associated love with feelings of lack of control, which frightened me as I always wanted a predictable and routine life.
What was holding me back from Janine from taking this final step? Each time we were close to making love, either last night or on the roof a while back, I froze and almost had a panic attack. I nearly quieted those concerns and feelings yesterday night until I realized that I was still scared of its implications. However, my desire to lose myself in her was close to dominating me, and according to Janine last night, she felt the same. I don't think she had the same problems letting loose as I did.
After taking my shower and getting dressed, I packed a bag with clothes, notebooks, and books. I realized that I would have to create my presentations tonight because I only completed one of the three, only an outline. Sighing heavily, I felt discombobulated about the conference, but I didn't care.
Wasn't this similar to cramming for a test last minute?
I could do this all tonight as long as I could keep my mind off Janine. Our genuine passion made it almost impossible for me to cease my thoughts about it as I longed for her.
"Are you ready for the conference," Ray inquired, interrupting my thoughts.
"Not really. I'm too preoccupied with Uhm Janine and unprepared," I answered, but it was a welcome distraction.
"You will be fine, Egon. I wish I could go with you, but we can't leave Venkman alone," he stated disappointedly.
Janine Melnitz
As I drifted on cloud nine for the rest of Sunday evening, Wendy and I gossiped about the previous day's events and my darling, Egon, all night. I was supposed to complete some homework, but that just didn't happen. t. It consumed my thoughts as I remembered it all over and over.
On the subway the following day, I braced myself for severe teasing from Dr. Venkman. Fortunately for me, I saw Ray first when I put my belongings in the lower drawer of my desk as he was in his office.
"Hey Lil sister, are you two a couple now," he inquired like a protective older brother, coming out of his office with his trademark boyish smile. He wore the black t-shirt and khaki pants combination in case someone called in a matter of a ghost sighting.
"I don't know, maybe," I commented quietly. That was one of the many questions I had wondered about myself.
"Why not?" my big brother inquired innocently.
"You know, Egon, he's complicated. We didn't talk about being a couple, though," I stated, with a bit of sadness in my voice that caused my accent to show, but I thought to myself, "I didn't think to ask about it either."
"I know that Peter will be insufferable today because Egon and I had a magnificent time at the gala."
Nodding, Ray winked at me. Then out of the blue, he put me in a headlock like a big brother and rubbed the top of my head affectionately with his knuckles. I wondered how many times he had done this same action to his younger sister, Lucy.
"Raymond Stantz," I whined teasingly and pushed him playfully away with my hands, "you are messing up my hair."
"Luckily for you, your theoretical physicist loverboy is in Albany and can't see it," he joked, chuckling.
"That's it! You can't be friends with Peter anymore; he is corrupting you," I retorted, with a large bright smile on my face.
"You are beaming like a beacon of light in the darkness whenever we mention Egon. Might as well have that damn 'oh, Isn't he wonderful' expression on," Venkman jested, descending the staircase, observing Ray's teasing of me with a delighted look on his face.
"Not that nonsense again," I wailed, turning away from my bosses and ambling to my desk even though I was pretty ecstatic with Egon.
"Tell us, Brooklyn, did he smash your atom just right with his large supercollider," Peter Venkman jested.
"What?"
Spinning around to face Peter, I found a very sly smile on his obnoxious face, and then the punchline hit me. I yelled at him angrily, "Peter!"
"I heard 'Physicists do it one quantum at a time,'" Ray added, his chubby face turning tomato red, guffawing.
Shocked, I glared at both of them and demanded with my hands on my hips, frustrated,
"Is this what I have to deal with all week?"
"I heard 'Physicists do it at the speed of light,'" Dr. Venkman howled, his face transformed to a crimson color as he laughed heartily.
Obviously, he disregarded my comment.
"'Particle physicists do it energetically,'" Ray screeched out, slapping his knee.
Irked, I climbed the stairs to retrieve some coffee as I woke up too late to eat breakfast, dreaming about my smoking hot physicist. Without Egon to threaten Peter, it would be nearly impossible for him to shut his mouth. That meant a long week for me. I stifled my chuckle to discourage my immature bosses as I reached the top of the stairs, and they were still laughing hysterically. My legs were stiff, and I realized that I had missed a couple of aerobic classes last week because of spending time with Egon. It was worth it, though.
"Working out or going out on a date on my birthday with Egon *freaking* Spengler and having a mind-blowing orgasm after the gala? I'll choose him any day," I thought, amused, feeling my cheeks heat up. Fortunately, the guys couldn't see my reaction.
"Janine, Iggy didn't tell us anything, so don't worry. Yesterday, Stantz here scanned him with the PKE in case he was possessed," Peter called upstairs, laughing.
Jubilantly, I noticed the guys had made their coffee for once, so I retrieved a coffee mug from the cupboard and poured myself a cup. I took a large sip and sighed, hoping the convention was going well for Egon.
"What did you do to him Saturday night? He seemed jocular almost at the gala, and you looked radiant, and he was stunned by you, more than usual, that is, Brooklyn. And then he came back looking like he had been hit by a tornado while in a daze, and HE didn't even care! What the hell," Ray stated, amazed as I came downstairs with my coffee cup in hand.
"We had a great time, and thanks for the compliment. I think we worked well together meeting people and handing out business cards," I responded, honestly going back to my desk and taking a seat. I started the computer and gazed down at my to-do list.
"Melnitz, I am not joking with you. Bianca and Lucy were appalled at the difference in his behavior, and they even know Egon some," Peter added, and my traitorous big brother agreed with a nod.
"What do you want me to say, Dr. Venkman, that I am trying to change him," I questioned defensively, with a bit of sharpness added to my nasal voice.
"No, I didn't think that at all. Where is that coming from," Peter questioned confusedly, and I shrugged and sipped my coffee. It gave me a pleasant warm feeling as I drank it, savoring every minute.
"Spengler needs to make alterations to his life, and I am pleasantly surprised to see them. I don't think he was or has been joyful no matter what he says, dedicating his life to the pursuit of a Nobel or Physics. You seemed to open his eyes to the fact there are things outside of those areas," he reported.
"For the record, I like Egon, how he is," I stated, wide-eyed, with a grave look. Suddenly, I realized I had left my lunch on my desk, and it needed to be in the fridge, or it would spoil.
Both of my bosses gave me a meaningful smile and let the subject drop for the time being after Venkman retorted sarcastically, "Oh, we know."
Disregarding my boss's snide comment, I walked towards the stairs to put my lunch in the refrigerator.
I inquired, "Do we have the weekly morning meeting this instant?"
"Maybe I wouldn't need to go to the gym if I kept walking up and down these stairs," I sarcastically thought.
In the fridge, I saw some of Egon's mold samples clearly labeled on the bottom shelf in the back of it, and then I put my packed lunch on a higher one.
"Spores, mold, and fungus," I chuckled ruefully.
"Yes, Juliet, we are waiting on YOU to begin the meeting," Venkman clamorously announced.
We had our usual weekly morning meeting, but it felt weird without Dr. Spengler. I reported on the company's expenses and the slow gains. Next, I printed out their schedule for the day, and I went to work on my daily to-do list. Later on in the day, they came back from their daily busts. It was weird to see them without him.
Peter knocked the jokes off long enough for me to calm down for the rest of the day, but he knew that he could get away with the teasing without Egon there. That was Monday, and I attempted not to think about how much I missed him there. I had homework to complete by Thursday night when my class met again. Still, my mind always returned to ponder about how my whole body tingled in delight when Egon kissed and caressed me or the way he snuggled me in his arms when we slept.
Astonishingly, the week went by quickly even though Peter was ruthless with his teasing. It was now Sunday, and Egon was returning today. Although I hoped he would call me, I kept my expectations low to avoid disappointment.
"Will Egon avoid me for two weeks like last time because he is overwhelmed again by his emotions? Or will he change his mind," I wondered out loud, then pondered the question until I fell asleep.
Dr. Egon Spengler
On the way to Albany on the train, I spent the evening thinking about Janine and our weekend together. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than sketching the gorgeous woman who was my date at the gala. Janine donned the breathtakingly cream-colored, almost transparent dress with long folds flowing downwards from her slim waist in the drawing. As I happily drew, I recalled twirling her slowly.
Usually, I enjoy going to conventions because I can learn new information in the field. However, this one was a disaster because I was unprepared and unprofessional. I overslept for a couple of meetings on Monday morning where I was the primary speaker. Janine was on my mind constantly, and I could barely function. It was incredibly distressing, and I sharply vowed that it would never happen again. Despite my acute feelings for her, she had to go because what happened at the convention was impermissible. This revelation made me sorely disappointed with myself. I wondered if this would somehow affect my ability to receive a Nobel. My career had to be the focal point of my life, and Janine was only a hindrance.
"How was the convention?" Ray inquired when I returned to the firehouse via cab on Sunday afternoon.
"Atrocious. I was unprofessional because I wasn't prepared for it. I overslept on Monday and missed my first talk. I was distracted the whole time thinking about Janine," I retorted bitterly, throwing my suitcase on my bed and began emptying my belongings from it. Appalled, Stantz gave me a wide-eyed look as his response.
" Best of all, others commented upon it, and I was the butt of a couple of colleagues' jokes for the first day. Luckily, I was able to pull it together on Tuesday," I stated, exceedingly anguished, feeling my face turn red. I felt my blood pressure rise as I recalled the disastrous first day of the convention.
"That doesn't sound like you at all," he remarked, packing a suitcase for his trip to Albany later.
"No, it's not me. I can't ever let that happen again, and I am very ashamed of it," I stated through gritted teeth, sitting down on my bed. Peter came into our shared room and inquired about the meetings, and I filled him in on everything.
"Are you going to tell us what happened while you were at Janine's apartment," he asked. At first, I ignored them, thinking it would work as it had in the past.
" Why was Peter so obsessed with that information?" I pondered.
Later, Peter brought it up again after shunning them the first time while reviewing Ray's last week's busts notes. Even Stantz chimed in, slyly adding,
"Janine wouldn't say a word about it while you were gone, and we teased her quite a bit."
"My poor Janine, " I thought to myself, feeling my heartstrings being tugged tenderly.
" There isn't a doubt in my mind that Peter was unrelenting with his teasing of her all week."
"Why are you disregarding us when we ask about Janine," Venkman inquired, interrupting my thoughts.
"Even though Janine and I had a few tremendous dates together, I have convinced myself that it wasn't the best course of action for me to continue to date. My life became unhinged with my attention to her the previous weeks. A prime example is my unpreparedness at the convention is an idyllic example," I explained, nonplussed. Immediately, I inhaled and exhaled deeply to calm down.
"I don't think Brooklyn even knew about the convention," Peter replied, baffled at my decision.
"No, she didn't. I...we... forgot to tell her about it until the night before, but the damage had already been done," I answered coldly, staring at Ray.
" It's not J's fault you were unprepared," Ray insisted incredulously.
"No, but she distracts me too much, and I am done with her socially. It was extremely humbling this week," I divulged, feeling my rage only gaining momentum. I felt my whole body tense up, and my hands clenched into fists angrily.
"Wait, it took like six or seven months for you two to finally admit your feelings for each other and start to date. Now you are throwing it away because you appeared foolish at one conference," Peter cried out, turning a bright shade of red, " Iggy, that is idiotic."
Since they would not let up, I walked out of the lab and went on the roof to regain my composure as I was about to lose it. My career was too important to ruin because I "thought" I had intense emotions for Janine. Hadn't I had warned her that she was a gray area before the conference and that I hated uncertainty? Was Janine's love more important to me than my career? What was the point of amor anyway? It couldn't pay bills, buy you things, or help you become more competent. All it did was waste my time on things that didn't matter in the long run, and my career and my pursuit of a Nobel was more significant than anything else in my life.
"Janine has to go," I mumbled as I reached the roof, taking a big inhalation of the fresh evening air. The temperature was around 58 degrees today, and it had been sunny all day. After fortifying my brain with my affirmations to assist me in overcoming my feelings for Janine, I returned to the lab.
"I alone am in control of myself and everything I alone choose to think, feel, say, and do. I always do what is truly best for me, in every area of my own life." I mumbled to myself repetitively about twenty times. My obsessive-compulsive tendencies started to show as I struggled to maintain control of myself.
An hour later, Peter brought it up again when I worked on my monthly analysis report that explained the cases we had solved.
"Ok, I have to ask, Spengs, your behavior diverged from your usual routine around June when Brooklyn collapsed because she neglected to eat lunch. That was probably when it was the clearest to us that you took notice of her and began to care for her," Peter elucidated.
"You have been more pleasant, a little looser about your control issues and generally, more human-like," Ray stated.
"Yes and...," I snapped, losing my patience very rapidly.
" Now, you are back to being unhappy and uptight, but in dominance over yourself," Venkman finally spit out.
"Peter, that's an overstatement, and you know it," I angrily demanded, raising my right eyebrow.
I was exhausted from this conversation. It wasn't just the topic that consumed me, but also my attempts to tame my thoughts and emotions about Janine had been grueling the past several days.
"No, Egon. Not at all," Ray firmly rejoined.
"I am in control of my actions and emotions at all times," I repeated to myself, over and over determinedly.
Peter nodded his head in agreement, but I didn't engage them in their discussion. Eventually, they gave up letting me complete my work and check on my lab experiments.
The Next Day
Peter and I were the only ones making the busts today as Ray left for Albany last night for the week. I was immensely apprehensive about reuniting with Janine, even though I strived to reinforce my willpower the past week through meditation.
It was always near implausible to brush aside the building's atmosphere's transformation when Janine arrived. I always felt this magnetism drawing me near her since our employment.
Today I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight up when Janine materialized as I concealed myself in the room I shared with Ray.
"You can do this, Egon. You have been in control of your feelings and desires for more of your thirty-three years on this earth than not. You can do this," I repeated after I read the article an hour later.
Until then, I would stay in the lab, I decided. Ergo, I went there assiduously to begin my work.
Janine Melnitz
On top of being ill at ease about reconciling with Egon after his return from Albany, my stomach started to feel queasy on Sunday night. I took some Pepto Bismol before bed and hoped to solve my problem. When I woke up, my stomach hurt dreadfully, and I vomited. The nasty taste continued to linger in my mouth even though I brushed my teeth. I hadn't been sexually active in over a year, leaving pregnancy out. My spirits deflated a shade as I desired to be reunited with Egon but wished I had felt healthy. The bouncy ride tossed my already bilious stomach around on the subway trip to Manhattan, triggering me to feel worse.
Before entering Ghostbusters HQ, I took a deep breath to calm my ever nauseated stomach and my nerves about seeing Egon. With a forced smile on my face, I walked into the firehouse in a long floor-length black dress with shoulder pads and black pumps on my feet but didn't see anyone immediately around. Even though I ate some toast this morning for breakfast, I felt very feeble. My legs were starting to throb, and my heart thumped clamorously in my chest as I prayed that nothing would have varied regarding Egon's feelings towards me. Then again, we hadn't made any commitments to each other, I recalled.
My stomach floundered as I noted that I didn't discern any talking from upstairs.
"Oh, Ray had left for Albany last night," I thought to myself.
As I turned on my computer, I looked at the stack of papers that needed to be filed on my desk. Peter left a to-do list for me to complete in his horrible handwriting. I printed their schedule and hobbled upstairs to make coffee. Also, I brought the post-it note with me to ask Peter to translate it.
"Look who's back, Ghostbusters' own, Juliet," Peter loudly greeted me as I climbed the stairs in my heels. My lower body ached, and I still felt sick to my stomach. I gave him a feeble smile and headed to the kitchen to make coffee. Feeling weak, I poured water into the coffee maker. I put coffee grounds in the brewer. . My delicious aroma of coffee made my stomach turn. Pushing start, I said, offhandedly, to Peter, while walking to the table,
"I can't read this, Dr. V."
I left the post on his newspaper and today's schedule at the table.
"Huh?"
Disregarding his attempt at a joke, my stomach lurched unexpectedly, and I stood in place, holding it for a minute, uneasily.
"What's wrong, Brooklyn?"
Shrugging, I quickly sat down in the first seat available, my stomach hurting. I felt like vomiting.
"Are you feeling ill," Peter questioned quickly.
At first, I shook my head, and then I had to cover my mouth for a second. I swallowed heavily to keep it down.
"I woke up feeling sick to my stomach, and I vomited a little earlier," I answered wearily.
"Go home," he ordered, finally looking at me, noticing I was ill, "you are extremely red in the face and feverish, plus you look nauseated."
"No, I'm fine," I replied, closing my eyes. I felt Dr. Venkman touch my forehead with his hand.
"Jesus, you have a fever," Peter stated, concerned, "I'm getting Spengler. You will listen to him, and he will tell you to go home."
"No," I snapped at him quickly. Although I wanted to see Egon, I wasn't ready. I had hoped I would feel better in a few hours.
"I'm fine, Dr. V.," I replied calmly. Pete looked at me like I had grown two heads and went into the lab to retrieve Egon anyway. I didn't even argue but instead, put my head on the table. My stomach had started to hurt very profoundly a couple of minutes ago, and I tried not to cry.
Dr. Egon Spengler
"Iggy, will you take a look at Janine," Peter walked into the lab, inquiring. I examined a sample of ectoplasm from a ghost from last week, and it was intriguing and unusual. Plus, I disregarded him as I knew he would attempt to provoke a response from me about Janine. As a result, I waited to respond for a long time before questioning,
"Why?"
"Egon, Come on, she's ill and refuses to go home," Venkman urged exasperatedly.
When I didn't respond, he continued, "I need you to find the courage and face her for a while because I know what you are doing. You are pissed at her because you weren't prepared for the conference and now are shunning her again."
"How did you figure that out," I questioned, appalled, finally glancing up from the microscope.
"I know you, Iggy. We have been friends for over eight years, plus you have this back and forth thing where you are OK with being in love with Janine for a little while, and then you aren't, and you withdraw. You shouldn't blame her for your lack of preparedness or professionalism at the convention. She didn't do it; YOU did!" he argued softly so our secretary wouldn't hear, turning the fire engine red in his round face. Peter's defense of Janine made sense, but I felt resolute that it was her fault that my attention was so divided.
"First, I'm not in love with Janine. Second, she didn't, but if I hadn't gotten involved with her, then I wouldn't have forgotten about it," I countered, standing up from the stool.
We squabbled for a few more minutes over minuscule details before I acquiesced, however reluctantly. Bracing myself, I thought I could do this and repeated a mantra to myself.
"I am in control of my emotions. I am in control of my emotions," I repeated inwardly.
When I saw Janine, all of that went out of the window. Her head was down on the kitchen table, and it sounded like she was sobbing quietly. I attempted to ignore the enormous amount of empathy I felt for her. Janine looked like she was holding her stomach, and I gave Peter a worried side glance. He then mouthed, "I told you," and I rolled my eyes at my friend. Then I lowered my body into the chair next to Janine at the table, but instantly, she turned her head the other way to avoid me seeing her.
Keeping the emotion out of my voice, I questioned her.
"I'm ok. I feel like vomiting, and it will go away. It's been like this all morning", she replied, not lifting her head.
"Are you pregnant," Peter inquired playfully.
"No," Janine irritatedly yelled at Venkman, giving him a dirty look then putting her head down again so I couldn't see her eyes. I shook my head at his attempt to be funny and gave him a grave glare.
"When did you start vomiting," I asked, attempting to soothe her with my tranquil tone of voice as Janine was not feeling well.
"Last night when I came back from my health club playing racquetball, I felt queasy," she added.
"Will you look at me, Janine, so I can see your face," I questioned her gently because I was distressed about her health. Before she did, I mouthed to Peter to retrieve the thermometer. Janine usually wouldn't conceal herself from anyone, mainly me, but she was right now.
"Please, Janine?"
After raising her head, she gradually moved to face me with a neutral facial expression. Janine was ill as her eyes were red and puffy, and her face was bright pink with fever. She didn't look like herself at all and appeared to be much sicker than I had initially thought. I frowned immediately, and Janine didn't make eye contact, although I attempted to with her. Her bangs were wet with sweat, and my heart went out to her.
"You have to go home, Janine. You are sick," I informed her tenderly, putting my hand on her shoulder. As usual, I felt a shock when I touched her after a while since we did so, and however, I didn't react and disregarded it.
Our beautiful secretary kept her head downwards, and her cheeks flushed with fever as I used the back of my hand to feel her silky skin on her forehead, which was torrid and damp. A scowl formed on my face as I stated with a matter-of-fact voice, "You are burning up. Janine, you have to go home and see a doctor."
"I am in control of my emotions and actions at all times," I repeated silently.
Peter returned with the thermometer, forcing her to take her temperature against her will. Janine still wouldn't view me, and I attempted not to stare at her as we waited for the thermometer to gauge her fever. She had one, as I predicted.
"102," I read, checking the thermometer. That troubled me even more, and I gazed up at Peter worriedly.
"Ohhh no," she groaned, her eyes still shut.
"We will drive you home," Peter offered," we have to go to a bust anyway. Lay down on the sofa. Can you make it for about fifteen more minutes? Maybe this is an excellent time to call your doctor to make an appointment?"
Opening her eyes, Janine agreed by nodding. While Venkman spoke to her reassuringly and helped her to the sofa, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard to put cool water from the tap into it for her to drink.
"Drink this, please," I commanded politely. Janine gave me a small toothless smile on her ashen face and took a few sips from the cup of water that I gave her as my heart filled with empathy for her again.
"Thank you," she whispered, putting the cup on the coffee table and closing her eyes. Gradually, I turned my body away, facing Peter, ignoring all desires to comfort her. It was extremely challenging.
"Come on, Spengler, let's get going. She needs to go home," my colleague urged, and I was pleased by his concern for her.
While we dressed for our bust, we heard our sick secretary call her doctor's office. Janine spoke to a receptionist to make an appointment after describing her symptoms. Next, she called her roommate, Wendy, to request a ride since she didn't own a car.
Slowly, I assisted Janine down the stairs by insisting that she lean on my body for support. I put my right arm around my former love interest's waist tightly to secure her as she took shaky steps within ten minutes. However, I didn't recognize the acute joyfulness that I felt with her nearness nor how I enjoyed having my arm around her slim waist. Janine's nearness always seemed to produce happiness in me.
Janine unlocked her desk drawer and grabbed her purse from the bottom shelf. Unsteadily, she stood still for a second to stand up after locking it, appearing green in the face.
Unfortunately, Peter was a horrible driver, but we made it to Brooklyn heights in one piece. I bet her stomach wasn't helped by his zig-zagging in and out of lanes. As I opened the car door for her outside the apartment complex, she slowly wobbled out of the vehicle with her hand over her mouth. As I put my arm around her to steady her, I told Venkman to wait as I took her upstairs to her apartment, and he reminded me that we had plenty of time.
"Egon, I feel awful," she moaned, finally speaking to me, and glanced up at me with her sad blue eyes, and I felt my heart melt. Janine, my precious Angel, held onto me for dear life, walking to the complex's front door, and I put my arm around her waist a little more firmly to steady her.
"I master my emotions by changing my thoughts," I repeated silently, "I master my emotions by changing my thoughts."
"I know you do, Janine. I wish I could take it away from you and make you feel better," I empathize with her, giving her a small half-grin.
My former love interest handed her keys to me to open her apartment door. After we rode the elevator up fourteen floors, Janine let out a little whimper of pain, and kept her hand over her mouth to prevent her from vomiting. When the doors opened, I felt incredibly helpless to make her feel better.
"It will be ok," I reassured her, pulling her closer to me for her to lean on me, "you are almost home."
When we made it to her door, I opened it and shut it quickly. Janine stumbled into her bedroom, collapsing on her bed.
"What time is your appointment," I inquired, noticing that she was face down on her bed and almost asleep already. Carefully, I removed her black pumps from her feet and felt her silky pantyhose as I did so. My mind drifted to removing that item from her body on the night of the gala, but I shook my head vehemently to cease them from going further. Janine told me slowly that it was at two in the afternoon but that Wendy would pick her up a quarter after one.
"Why don't you change into something else," I suggested to Janine.
"No, I want to sleep," she responded like a little girl who didn't want to go to bed yet. Janine's cute nasal accent was pronounced when she was sick.
"Please, Janine."
Finally, our redhead secretary consented by huffing loudly and taking her black jacket off her body. Next, she threw it on the ground, then wobbled into the bathroom. I picked up her coat and dutifully hung it up in the hallway closet.
While Janine changed clothes, I went into the kitchen and searched for a cup. I poured her a glass of water from the tap after putting ice cubes from the freezer in it. Unfortunately, I could hear her retching, and an excruciating pain shot through my heart.
As my heart leaped in empathy for her, I duplicated softly, " I am in complete control of my feelings all of the time. I am in complete control of my feelings all of the time."
Janine had changed into a light blue long sleeve cotton pajama set. Although she was under the weather, she still looked utterly attractive as I viewed her as she crawled into bed. I placed the blankets over Janine's weak body and noticed that her eyes were closed already. Next, I went into her bathroom and looked for Tylenol in her medicine cabinet. After finding a bottle, I took two out of it and put them back. I found a washcloth in a cabinet with the towels and wet it with cold water from the tap to put on her forehead after squeezing any dripping water out of it. I padded over to her bed, still nervous about her fever. Carefully, I placed the washcloth on her forehead.
"Oh, that feels good," she whined, with her eyes closed. A few minutes later, I asked her to sit up to drink some water and take Tylenol.
"We need to break your fever," I elucidated to her when I noticed that her pretty face was still red with fever.
"I am in control of my emotions and actions at all times. You have been in control of your actions for 98% of thirty-three years of your life and can continue to do so." I repeated three times, silently, through gritted teeth as Janine sat up, took a sip of water from the cup, and swallowed the Tylenol.
After she drank enough for me to be happy, Janine laid back down, and I placed the cold washcloth on her head. She looked slightly relieved when I did so. Unhappily, I sat on the edge of her bed, watching her suffer. A little later, Janine humored me and drank some more water. I found a trash can next to her bed if she needed to vomit.
"What else can I get you, Janine?"
"Nothing. You have been wonderful, Egon. Thank you. You have gone through a lot of trouble," Janine opened her eyes and admitted, meeting my eye line. She looked sickly.
"It's not any, Janine; I'm bothered about your health," I declared earnestly, " I don't like to see you feeling poorly. Please take another sip."
As she drank some more water, I turned on the radio for her to a low volume, knowing that it might comfort her a little. I grinned when I heard it was on an oldies station because it was a Beatles song. Even Janine smirked a little. We were both enormous fans of the band, and they sang in the background, "I've been waitin' here for you/Wondering what you're gonna do?"
"It's not exactly how I wanted you to see me after you came back from Albany," Janine confessed wryly. Her blue eyes opened a little wider to see my face, and they contained anxiety.
"Shh, don't worry about that, " I dismissed her concern quickly and moved the washcloth from her forehead to her cheeks. Janine closed her eyes again as it touched her hot skin, and then for a while, we were silent.
"May I call you later to see if you feel better," I asked sincerely, "I'm afraid it won't be for a while with our schedule today and being a man down."
"Of course, Egon," Janine agreed wearily, "you should go, though, so you don't catch this bug."
Reluctantly, I pulled the blankets over her body up to her chin. I stood up to rewet her washcloth in colder water from her bathroom faucet and placed it back on her head. Janine seemed delighted that I was taking care of her, making me feel good. Finally, I refilled her glass with water and ice cubes and put it on her nightstand.
As I sat on the edge of the bed, I adoringly inquired, "will you close your pretty blue eyes, please?"
Janine complied with my request before saying, wistfully, "I wish you didn't have to go, Egon. You never said anything about the convention. How was it?"
I wish she hadn't mentioned Albany, as I felt chagrined by my unprofessionalism.
Nodding, I changed the subject quickly, "It didn't go well, but...Uhm...have I ever described one of my favorite places outside of Cleveland to you?"
Perplexed by my statement about the convention, Janine's eyes widened in concern. Still, she slightly shook her beautiful head at my question. Then she whispered, "No."
"It's in a forest two hours away, and somewhere my uncle, brother, and I would often camp when we were younger. We would get inner tubes on hot summer evenings and float down the —- river. So I would like you to imagine that you are sitting on an inner tube next to mine, and we are floating on a slow meandering river through the woods. I am pointing out the different plants and trees native to the area. You are completely relaxed, feeling great, and not worried about anything. Your fingertips from your left hand touch the water as you glide through the cool water, watching the quiet trees along the river, and your other hand is holding onto my inner tube.."
As Janine fell asleep rapidly, I watched her perched on the side of her bed for a few minutes. However, I did not let my mind wander in the direction of the rest of that daydream because it sounded pretty tempting and something I wished to do with her.
Although she was ill, she was my earth angel and accordingly appeared to me as one like a luminous, shining light in a dark sky. I felt extraordinarily disconsolate when I recalled my decision to cease seeing her socially.
"How quickly had I forgotten my decision when I was with her? Like a flash," I pondered.
Like saying goodbye to Janine, I caressed her cheek with my right hand and then kissed her forehead softly.
"I hope you feel better, expeditiously. I will call you later," I whispered in her ear gently. I gazed at her one more time as she slept and felt tears pop in my eyes as I saw how sick she looked again. I didn't like feeling incapable, and that's exactly how I felt. Reluctantly, I left her apartment to meet Peter in Ecto 1. He studied a map with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and talked to himself.
"Is Janine ok," Venkman inquired, still clearly preoccupied with what he saw earlier. He began to fold up the map after he started the car. It made me happy that Peter exhibited concern about our secretary
"No, I don't think she is all right this second. I feel bad about leaving her, but all she is doing is sleeping right now for the next hour and forty-five minutes. Wendy's taking her to the doctor at 1:15," I replied somberly, looking out the window.
"I know, big guy. It feels awful when you can't help someone that you care about, and they are in pain or ill," Peter remarked sympathetically and began to drive us to our client at noon in the Bronx.
That would be the extent of our reunion after my trip to the convention, and I felt both slightly relieved and discouraged.
"This is what I want, right," I inquired to myself and then felt uneasy. Infuriated, I wondered how I could be so confident of my decision to stop seeing Janine socially one day and change it the next. Aggressively, I pounded my fists on my legs without knowing it until Peter noticed and questioned me about my actions. Quickly, I gave him some lame excuse as he continued to ramble on about his latest girlfriend, Bianca, dubiously. Then I duplicated my affirmations in my head wordlessly to keep Janine off of my mind.
Wendy Walterson
Since I owned a tiny red Toyota Civic at that time and Janine did not own a vehicle, I volunteered to drive her to her family's doctor in the older part of Brooklyn. My employers were flexible enough with my hours to allow me to do so. I arrived to discover Janine sleeping in her bed peacefully.
"Janine, wake up, sweetie; I am here to take you to the doctor," I whispered to her, gazing at my friend's feverish face sympathetically.
"Ohh... God, do I ever feel bad."
"I will get you some fresh cool water as you change. Have you been vomiting," I answered reassuringly, patting her head, like a puppy,
I checked the wastepaper basket on the floor next to her bed and saw that it was empty, thankfully, as I grabbed her cup from the nightstand that held some water in it. As Janine slowly disembarked from her bed, I went to the kitchen to refill her water. I noticed a note from Egon on my old college dry erase board that said, " Thank you for taking Janine to the doctor. Egon". Smiling, I appreciated that he took the time to ensure Janine made it home without a problem and forced her to rest. My roommate wasn't an ideal patient as she was very stubborn, disliked following directions, and taking medicine. He seemed like an excellent match for my roommate, and I enjoyed speaking to him a few Sundays ago. Ten minutes later, I checked on Janine as I made myself a quick PBJ sandwich and was noshing on it. She was dressed in jeans and a King's College sweatshirt, appearing haggard. I helped her hobble to the living room, where she quietly put on her white tennis shoes.
"How did the reunion with Egon go," I inquired.
"What reunion? I felt poorly on the subway, and when I arrived at work. Once Peter got his head out of his a- and noticed I was sick, he had to retrieve Egon to persuade me to go home. I was looking forward to seeing him today," she whined in her nasal voice.
"Oh," I commented sympathetically but unsure of what to say as she stood up.
"Egon did take great care of me- he assisted me down the stairs at the firehouse, in and out of the car and into my building and then my bed. Plus, he forced me to take pills and drink water. You know how I hate to take medicine," she remarked stubbornly, sticking her chin out.
We strolled out of our apartment, rode the elevator downstairs, and then ambled to my car. As I checked my watch, it read twenty-five minutes to one, and I knew it would take twenty minutes to get to the doctor. I made sure that Janine was in the car and buckled before peeling out of the parking lot.
"This isn't a race, Wendy," she snidely responded, turning a shade of green, "you are as bad of a driver as Dr. V.."
"I have to make sure you are on time, dear," I retorted, rolling my brown eyes at her.
" Wendy, I have this bad feeling that Egon's withdrawing me from again," Janine confessed nervously, looking at her hands as she fidgeted.
"Why do you say that," I wondered out loud.
"Egon tried to conceal his emotions despite his obvious concern for me, and he was unhappy," Janine sadly lamented.
"Did something happen in Albany?" I watched as Janine feebly shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't understand Egon's reason that he flip flops on his relationship so much with you. I mean, he has admitted that he cares deeply for you, and it's clear to me that he loves you by his actions," I thought out loud, irked.
Janine covered her despair and unhappiness by turning her face towards the window. Still, I could see her wiping tears away, and they weren't from her stomach bug either, and I believed she had every right to be fed up with Egon.
Janine Melnitz
My doctor told me that I had come down with the stomach flu in the afternoon. Furthermore, I couldn't go back to work until I didn't have a fever AND had not vomited for twenty-four hours. He also gave me antibiotics to take. Egon did call me that night to check in on me to hear the doctor's prognosis. However, our conversation was still extraordinarily awkward and stilted. It was apparent that he felt uneasy about his feelings for me again. Although I thanked him for taking care of me earlier in the day, my hopes for a romantic reunion were over.
As painful as that was, the stomach flu was worse. When I returned to work the following Saturday, Egon resorted to disregarding me like I wasn't there unless it was work-related. Sometimes, he would leave me notes instead of speaking to me, which wounded me even more because it was very impersonal. Of course, I was infuriated with his actions because I was in love with him but didn't say anything because there wasn't much I could do. If Egon didn't want to pursue anything with me, that was it. I didn't want it to be the case, but as far as I could see, our romance was over.
The following Tuesday, my discouragement and torment levels over Egon were maxed out when I attempted to speak to him privately about having lunch that day. In fact, he shut those ideas down instantaneously with his curt one or two-word responses that he often gave me very early on in the year. Although I had been very patient with Egon's wishy-washy feelings about me and his concerns, I felt he had pushed me too far.
As a result, I began to wonder if Doris was right in cautioning me about him a while back. I deserve someone who wanted to be with me all of the time and wished that was Egon. I was erroneous, and that fact tortured my heart perpetually.