WELP everyone, BITS is over. This is the last chapter. Thank you all so much for reading this far! I hope that you enjoyed this story that's a little bit A/U. Ive enjoyed writing it and I hope that you're happy with how it worked out. :) Sorry that it took so long,!
Now, back to New York Evening! :)
Also, forgive mistakes because its after midnight and no time to edit lol!
"Are you alright? Do you want anything for the pain?" Trevor asked Olivia. She was standing at the end of the hospital bed, gripping so tightly on the bed rails that her knuckles.
"No," she winced. "No I just…" she took some deep breaths, "I just want to get her out."
Trevor rested his hands on her back, massaging her shoulders. Once the contraction had passed, Olivia stood up straight, letting herself relax for a moment. "Its okay baby," he soothed her, deeply kneading her muscles.
"I wish it were okay," she whined, wiping her eyes, "this doesn't feel okay, this is agony."
"I know, I wish there was something I could do to help the pain."
Olivia arched in to him. "Just don't leave my side…" she murmured.
"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart, where on earth would I want to be besides here with you?"
She stood up a little straighter and turned to him. Her face was red and she was a little sweaty. She was emotional and vulnerable and he hated to see her in pain, but there was no part of him that would have considered even walking out.
"Remember if you need any extra support, Ange can come and assist," he told her. Angela had been cleared to assist in the delivery of her niece if Olivia needed someone just on the off chance she decided she wanted her there.
Olivia nodded, breathing deeply, trying to forget the breathing exercises that surprisingly had helped a little so far.
"Do you want to lay back down and try to get a few minutes of rest?"
"What's the point?" Olivia asked, "I'm just going to start having contractions again…"
"The point is that you need to preserve your energy, Olivia," the nurse told her reappearing at the door. "So let's get you back up on the bed and have a few minutes of rest."
She decided she wasn't a huge fan of the nurse. She'd been a little blunt and almost rude when Olivia turned down pain medication and lectured her about resting. Trevor had picked up on it too.
"If she doesn't want to get back in to bed, she can stay standing," Trevor interjected. The nurse looked up at him from under her thick, over-kept brows as if to tell him to shut up.
He stared back at her, not wanting to be a dick, but wanting her to know that he was not happy with the way she spoke to his partner. He would support all of Olivia's choices during birth regardless of how he felt about it.
"Sweetheart," he began, looking away, "if you don't want to get in to bed, just stand here and get in to whatever position you're most comfortable with."
"Thanks…" she murmured, wiping tears from her eyes. She felt helpless to her own situation. Nothing was going to make the pain stop until her baby was in her arms. "It just hurts so much during the contractions," she admitted.
"We can administer some pain relief now, Olivia," the nurse tried again, "you don't have to be a hero."
"I'm not trying to be a hero, I'm just trying to hold off if it's absolutely not necessary," she snapped.
The nurse glanced at Trevor again as if to tell him that she was right. She turned her heel and left.
"Why the fuck is it I get stuck with the most uncompassionate, rude nurse out of all the beautiful nurses I met for my appointments."
"I'm sorry Liv, I can ask for someone else…" Trevor suggested.
"Can we call Angela? I don't want to feel like this, I don't want this nurse to be mean to me and I know Angela will be able to take care of that." Olivia started to cry and Trevor knew she was exhausted and didn't have the fight that she usually did to stand up for herself. Trevor tried to be diplomatic but he didn't want Olivia to receive sub-par care just because a nurse decided she didn't like her.
"Of course, baby, whatever you want."
/
"Hey! Never thought I'd be asked to deliver my brother's baby," Angela told them both as she finally arrived a little over a hour later.
"Let's not get crazy, I just need you here because the nurse is being…" a wave of pain swept through Olivia's lower stomach — an intense contraction. Angela saw Trevor's face wince with pain for her.
Angela immediately jumped in to doctor mode. "Okay babe, remember to breathe…. In out, in out, in out…"
Olivia did as she was told, following Angela's coaching and Trevor was so glad for his sister who obviously knew what she was doing and had dealt with hundreds of other patients giving birth before. "Trev, get behind Liv dig your thumbs in to her lower back, massage, hold her hips firm."
"Okay," he agreed, quietly doing what he was told. Olivia held on to the bed rails again, supporting her weight, hunched over, moaning in pain as the inferno swept through her.
"Breathe, Liv…" Ange reminded her each time she began to hold her breath. "You're doing so good. I think when this one passes, you should get in to bed and I'll go and have a quick chat to the nurses and your midwife and if you're comfortable, I can check how far along you are."
Olivia nodded, all hang ups were out the window, she didn't care anymore. She trusted Angela more than anyone else.
Angela disappeared as Olivia got in to the bed. She reached for Trevor's hands. "I don't know why, but I didn't expect it to hurt this much," she cried. "I feel so stupid, why did I want this experience?," she was able to half-laugh.
Trevor kissed her temple. "I'm glad Ange is here; she's going to take care of you and she will make sure you're safe, comfortable as possible and she'll make sure our baby makes it out unscathed," he promised her.
"I know," Olivia replied. "I just feel so shitty and tired."
"Close your eyes, baby, they're about 4 minutes apart now, just rest as much as you can between them, okay?"
She nodded. "Even though the nurse's attitude was rude, I know she was right… maybe I was being sensitive?"
"No, she was just a bit abrasive. She wasn't cruel or mean — but she didn't have a lot of patience for either of us," he confirmed how she felt. "Maybe she's had a big day, but don't worry about it, Ange is here and she will take care of it."
Olivia nodded.
Angela re-appeared a few minutes later with a new nurse and a sonogram machine.
She came to the side of the bed and pulled the blood pressure machine closer and put the cuff around Olivia's arm. "I just want to take your blood pressure and make sure it's not too high."
"Okay," Olivia agreed.
As the machine pumped around her arm, she reached for Trevor's hand, her face twisting in to agony. "Squeeze my hands Liv," he told her, offering both of his hands. "Its okay baby, just give me your best squeeze."
"I am!," she snapped through clenched teeth.
"I know, I can feel it…" he muttered.
Angela cocked her head to the side as if to warn him not to antagonise her. He closed his mouth and instead, took some deep breaths, silently coaching her. She followed his lead and cried and moaned in pain until the contraction passed.
"Okay babe," Angela announced, "your blood pressure is a little high, but its okay, it's not super serious but I want us to keep monitoring it," she pushed Liv's hair off her face. She turned to the nurse, "I want us to administer hydralazine, let's start 3mg every 30minutes and keep it monitored, if her blood pressure goes down we'll keep it at that but we'll look at labelatol if we need some extra help. I just don't want it to climb any higher."
"Sure," the nurse replied. "I'll go get the meds ready - do you want to cross check or should I get another nurse?"
"No, I'm here for the long haul, I'm happy to do it. Liv's my sister-in-law," she told the nurse with a smile.
"Should I be worried?" Olivia asked, wiping her tears away.
"You shouldn't be worried until I tell you to be worried. Your blood pressure is only slightly high but we want to keep it from climbing so its precautionary at this point and it happens, so don't worry. We're going to give you a little oxygen, just a low flow… I'm just covering all bases, so don't panic."
"Okay," Olivia replied. "Are you sure?"
Angela leaned over her and gave her shoulder a squeeze, "promise, everything else looks good, your heart rate is great, the baby's heart rate is great, you're dealing with the contractions as well as can be expected — no surprises, Olivia, you're a trooper."
Finally Olivia was able to smile. "Keep sipping the water," she nodded to a cup of water with a straw beside Trevor on the table. "Don't forget to keep offering it, Trev, we need Liv to stay hydrated."
Trevor held the drink out to Olivia who took a long mouthful.
"Okay Liv, I'm just waiting for the midwife and then we're going to see how far along you are."
"Please let it be nearly time…" she cried, "I'm tired."
"I know, but you'll be fine. I know you, Liv, you don't give up, you are strong and you can do this… especially because at the end of it you're going to hold my beautiful, infant niece."
Olivia nodded, agreeing as the nurse returned with the medication that Angela had requested. They cross checked it as another contraction passed through with Trevor almost losing use of his hand with Olivia squeezing it tightly.
"Liv, on a scale of 1-10, how's the pain?" Angela asked.
Trevor was impressed with his sister's efficiency and her clear, calm way of talking to Olivia that sounded authoritative but bossy or pushy.
Once her contraction passed Olivia relaxed back on to the bed. "7 or 8," she panted, catching her breath.
"Okay, I know the nurses would have gone through all the pain relief options with you, but I think even if you don't want something now, you should have a back-up plan in case you change your mind and there's a window of opportunity that you don't want to miss."
"Okay," Olivia murmured, giving in. She was tired and struggling not to dissolve in to an emotional wreck.
Angela went through all the options with her again before Olivia chose the nitrous oxide. "Okay, I'm going to go through your history really quick and make sure it's all safe and I'll get one of the lovely nurses to get the gas organised for you and it'll just be here for you and you can use it during the contractions or not, whenever you want, its totally your choice."
"Thanks Ange," Trevor said, happy that she had all but convinced her to use some pain management. He believed that if she didn't have to be in pain she shouldn't be.
The midwife appeared in the doorway and greeted Olivia cheerfully. "Hi Liv! Are we ready to party?," she grinned.
Olivia couldn't help but to chuckle. "I wish it felt like a party."
Angela smiled, "Uh-oh! Not you Sally-Ann Jeffries!," she greeted the midwife.
"Oh! Fancy pants Angela Langan reprising a doctor role" the two laughed and it was immediately obvious that they knew each other. Angela stepped forward and gave Sally-Ann a hug. "Good to see you!"
"You too," Angie smiled. "So you've met my ugly brother and my beautiful sister-in-law,"
"I have, but that's certainly a harsh appraisal of your brother," she laughed.
"Guys can you please get this baby out of me, sorry to interrupt," Olivia winced, "Fuck!" She cursed, realising another contraction was coming. "Fuck it feels like something is trying to rip me apart from the fucking inside out!," she complained before letting out a loud scream of pain.
The midwife took Olivia's free hand and pushed her hair out of her face, "Liv, you need to breathe, keep breathing, in and out," she reminded her,
Angela clocked Trevor looking a little panicked and helpless over Liv's pain. She turned to the nurse, "can you please bring up Olivia's medical history for me and then go and organise the nitrous oxide, I have a feeling we're going to need it shortly."
/
Olivia had showered twice and was over it all, she held the gas over her face and cried, gritting her teeth through each contraction, letting out the kind of noises that made Trevor's insides clench, knowing how much pain she was in and the very little that he could do about it.
"Its okay," Angela told him, seeing him becoming emotional, "Olivia is fine,"
"I'm not fucking fine!," she snapped, "None of this is fine!"
"Honey, you can be as mad as you want," Trevor told her gently, "I know you're in pain and if there was anything I could do to take it away from you, I would…"
She glanced at him and saw his eyes glassy with tears and helplessness. She put the pain relief mask back over her face and breathed in slowly. It made her feel woozy that she had vomited twice but she was too tired to even worry about that.
"Am I close yet?" She asked, pulling the mask from her face. It was the early hours of the morning but Olivia had lost all sense of time. It felt like days and all she wanted to do was to sleep.
"Pop up on to the bed," Sally-Ann soothed her, "we'll check — how's your urge to push?"
"Like I have zero control over it," she complained. Trevor helped her up and Olivia moved in to examination position so that Angela could check.
"Here baby have a sip of some water," Trevor offered her her drink. Olivia sipped it while he smoothed her forehead and around her neck with a dripping wet wash cloth. It felt like a tiny bit of a relief when the cool water hit her searing skin.
"Good news babe, we're so close. I just need you to hold off pushing for a little tiny bit longer and then we're going to meet your daughter and my niece. And I'm going to be the first to hold her," Angela teased with a wink.
Trevor and Olivia didn't really care, they just wanted to meet her.
"Sal, do you want to check her BP again and we'll push another couple of milligrams of hydralazine."
"You're the boss! Never thought I would have said that," the woman smiled kindly. Angela regarded her with a big smile.
"Who'd give me power, right?," she joked. "Liv, how are you going? Are you feeling okay?"
She nodded bravely despite the fact that she was not. The second that the water settled in her stomach, she urgently requested her vomit bucket and brought up the very little contents of her stomach again while Trevor rubbed her back and soothed her as she cried and whimpered in agony.
Somewhere in the process Angela had braided Olivia's hair in double braids between contractions. Olivia had been thankful after nearly vomiting in her long brown locks. There was now barely any time between contractions.
"BP is good," Sally-Ann announced, glancing at Olivia, "you're doing good Liv, not long now, I promise." She turned back to Angelia, "do you want me to go ahead with the hydralazine or not?"
Angela came and checked the blood pressure. "Mmm, no I think it's perfect as is. If the birthing process drags we'll check it again."
"Okay sounds good…"
Angela called in for a nurse to assist as Olivia whimpered and moaned loudly as the contractions continued to intensify with each one. She had never experienced pain quite like giving birth. She sobbed and begged them to let her push.
"Okay, okay, Liv, I need you to be calm," Angela coached her, "breathe, breathe, breeeeaaaathe."
Once she'd found a good breathing rhythm, Angela announced all systems were to go.
"Right… Trevor, you're gonna take Olivia's hands or get as close as you can to her and let her throw all of her weight and might at you as she pushes, k?"
"Okay," he sidled up half-on her bed, wrapping an arm around her and letting her take his hands. "K baby, you're almost there, you can do this."
She glanced at him, her eyes heavy and her face damp with sweat. He watched tears roll down her cheeks and felt pained by just how tired and spent she was. He felt tired too so he couldn't have imagined just how she felt.
"I love you, sweetheart, you can do this. You can do this. I definitely couldn't do this but I know you can."
"Okay on my count, Olivia, I want you to bear down and push with absolutely everything that you have."
Trevor saw white, his own pain beginning as her hands crushed his. Her pain sounded primal and deep within her as she pushed as Angela had asked with everything she had within her, seeing white spots in front of her eyes as she eased off.
"Some deep breaths and then you're going to go again, Liv, you are so close, I promise."
She felt weak. She laid back on the bed as the nurse assisted with water and the cold cloth and trying to pep talk her between each push that felt like it was lasting longer and longer.
"Trev, would you like to come down and watch your baby crowning?" Ange asked, grinning happily at her brother. She looked at Liv, "I can see her, Liv, give me another huge push,"
Trevor felt torn. He didn't want to leave Olivia but he didn't want to miss his baby coming in to the world.
"Its okay," Liv told him, "go…"
"I'll swap with you," the midwife told him, coming around to take his place. "I shared a dorm with Angie when we were at uni, so we are all family now," she told Liv good-naturedly. "Just… don't damage my hands, I have other babies to deliver tonight," she tried to joke.
Olivia was trying to stay focused.
"Okay babe," Sally-Ann got the nod from Angela, "lets go, another big push, Trev hold on to Liv's leg for her, it might be a little more comfortable."
Despite feeling a little undignified Olivia let it go, she knew Trevor didn't care and she no longer cared about Angela seeing every intimate part of her. It was something different to vulnerable— it was a human in a primal state and completely natural, bringing her child in to the world — she wasn't going to let her insecurity stop her baby from having the best delivery as possible with her family waiting to receive her.
She mustered up her strength as best as she could and began to push again, a guttural scream escaping. "There's her head…" Angela told Olivia, "You need to push again, big one Liv, give it your best, she's coming…"
Sally-Ann wrapped Olivia's hand around the bed rail to grip on to and held her rigid in place so she didn't slide anywhere. She clenched her teeth and pushed again, losing her breath, feeling a little dizzy, but nothing was going to stop her. "She's coming!" Trevor told Olivia, "Baby, she's coming…" he was grinning. He was full of excitement as his baby's head came in to view.
"Just a few more," Sally-Ann told Olivia, "a couple more big ones and she'll be ready to meet you."
"Get some gloves on, Trev, behind me…" Angela told him urgently. He didn't mess around, he did as he was told.
Another push from Olivia as Angela and the nurse kept a close eye on her SATS as well. The nurse helped Olivia with her gas to put it over her mouth as she pushed, remembering to breathe for a moment between each.
"Another push and we'll have shoulders!" Angela announced as she felt around for the baby's umbilical cord. She grabbed her brother's hands and placed them gently around the baby's head. "Fuck, this is so weird," she managed a laugh.
Trevor did too, the absurdity of the situation struck him for a moment, but neither of them seemed to dwell on it.
"Go Liv, push…push push!"
The pain turned in to a ripple of burning between her legs, she closed her eyes, dropping the pain relief mask as she pushed her absolute hardest, feeling her head hurting with the pressure of it. Her ribs ached and her muscles ached but there was nothing stopping her now, she knew her baby was just a few seconds away.
"Pull, pull gently…" Angela guided the baby's shoulders out until she was safe and urged Trevor to pull her the rest of the way.
"Here she is!" Angela announced to Liv, "she's here, Daddy has her first!"
Trevor couldn't believe it as his daughter let out a loud scream with her first breath of air outside of utero. "Oh my goodness…" he remarked, holding her in both of his hands, "welcome to the world, my beauty…" he breathed the words in awe. He turned to Liv, half laughing, overwhelmed and unsure of what reaction to commit to.
"So we're gonna pop her on to of Liv's chest and give you guys a minute and then we'll have a look at her and clean her off and make sure everything is good."
Olivia was already sobbing as the midwife, Angela's ex college roommate helped loosen her gown. Olivia received her daughter upon her chest; her pain instantly forgotten. Trevor took his gloves off and came to his girlfriend's side. The baby had a thick tuft of brown hair, not what she had been expecting, but she was perfect. "Hello my love," she whispered, "you are so beautiful…" She glanced at Trevor, "she's so beautiful isn't she?"
"She's perfect," he agreed.
"Trev, would you like to do the honours?" Sally-Ann held out a pair of stork shaped scissors.
He made a face and shook his head. "No thanks, I can't cut my baby and her Mommy, no way…"
Angela laughed. She took the scissors and did the job while both Trevor and Olivia marvelled over the baby. She gave them a few moments before stepping in. "I'm so sorry guys, Auntie Ange has to take her for a minute and just give her a check over and a clean down. I'll take some photos of her on the scales and get her measurements and she'll be all yours."
"Okay…" Olivia agreed.
Angela scooped up the baby, grinning at the parents. "I have to say, this is the most excited I've ever been to deliver a baby; congratulations, she's so beautiful. You did such a great job and you barely even swore at us," she told Olivia.
"Thanks Ange…" she murmured, feeling an instant distance between herself and her daughter.
/
"Why are you crying, sweetie?" Trevor asked, smiling at Olivia. He already knew the answer - even though they both knew that the baby needed to be checked, Liv didn't want to hand her back — it was the absence of her from her arms, despite knowing she was only across the room.
"It's taking forever, I want her back…"
Trevor leaned over and kissed her. "I know… its okay, but I do think there's a fairly big chance Angela is going to try to kidnap her."
His joke made Olivia laugh. He took her face in his hands and smoothed away her tears with his thumbs. "I love you, thank you for making me a Dad again. I am so, so happy. I promise I'll be the best Dad and I'm here for you all the way, I won't let you down."
"You're already the best Dad," she sniffed. "I love you so much."
"Here she is…" Angela waited for Trevor to let go of Olivia before placing the baby back on her chest. "Do we have a name yet?"
"No… we have to discuss it — in private." He added, in case Angela didn't understand that she wasn't going to be part of that discussion.
Angela laughed, "I think you should call her Angie, but that's just me… my work is done here. I'll let Sally-Ann and the nurse take things from here and I'm going home to sleep. I won't say a single word to Joe and Jenna, I'll let you make all the announcements."
"Thanks Angie, thank you so much for everything you did… I'm so glad I called you."
"Me too, guys. Thanks for letting me be a part of this," she smiled. She leaned over and kissed Olivia's temple. "I'll come in and check on you later, but let me know if you need something." She circled the bed and gave her brother a hug.
/
"I don't think I can do Anica," Trevor told Olivia gently, "I thought about it," he told her as he gently ran his fingers through his daughter's fine hair, "and I didn't really consider if it would be upsetting to Joe or Angela to hear Mom's name because I know she will get called Annie for short…"
Olivia nodded. "I think you're right — it was a little short-sighted of us. How do you feel about Elena?"
"I really like it…" he told her, "you?"
She smiled down at her infant. "Elena, how do you like that name?" The baby looked around, her movements were slow and jerky still. "I think she loves her name."
Trevor smiled, "I think so too — if it has to be shortened, Len or Lena?"
"Yeah," Olivia nodded, "I love that."
"Good morning little miss Elena," Trevor greeted his daughter, kissing the crown of her head.
"She's so beautiful, I can't stop staring at her…" Olivia murmured. "We are so lucky to have had Angela with us…I think that nurse being weird was actually a blessing."
Trevor smiled; it wasn't lost on him how wonderful it had been to have his sister in the room helping them through the birth medically, but also to have her there as a support. He wasn't sure he would have been able to get through it with Olivia alone.
"How are you feeling?" Trevor asked her, smoothing her hair.
They had been moved to another room and Olivia had attempted feeding her baby with moderate success. "I'm exhausted," she told him. "Like… the kind of tired I don't think I've ever felt but I can't sleep because I don't want to miss her for a second."
Trevor glanced around behind him and pulled a chair close. He took a seat and drew it close to the bed. "If you fall asleep with her I'll make sure she's okay… you definitely are going to need to rest."
"I know…" she agreed. "I will… I just want to cuddle her until I do."
Trevor smiled, resting his head upon Olivia's shoulder. She reached up, one hand resting on her infant's back and the other caressing Trevor's hair. She could tell that he was in love too. He had also barely taken his eyes off her. "How do you feel? You delivered your daughter…" she remarked quietly.
He chuckled, "I was so scared of hurting you, but it all happened so fast— Angela really knew what she was doing."
Olivia laughed but it made her muscles hurt. "You didn't think she'd know what she was doing? And you let her deliver our baby?"
He realised how it sounded and laughed, "No, I just mean… I've not seen her work professionally before. It was impressive. She was so good to have in the room."
"I agree, I'm so glad she was here… I had reservations at first but I relaxed the second she walked in and took charge."
Olivia felt her eyes closing as she let out a long sigh of contentment. She fought the sleep off, trying hard to keep her eyes trained on her daughter before it got the best of her. Trevor could tell immediately that she was asleep. He was tired too but kept his promise.
/
Olivia woke up, Elena gone from her chest. She turned her head to look around for her and also for Trevor. A smile came to her face when she saw him holding their daughter — he was shirtless with a blanket loosely covering over them over. He was asleep.
She wasn't quite prepared for her body to ache as much as it did. Her muscles were hurting, every part of her ached but nothing made her happier than looking at Trevor with his new daughter. He looked so at peace and she still could hardly believe that she was the mother of a new born.
She glanced around for her phone and found it on the bedside. She picked it up and found the camera app and snapped a few photos of him with their little girl.
She went through her photos and there were many — some that she couldn't really remember taking. There was a photo of Trevor, herself and Elena that the nurse took as soon as they were back in a private room.
She went through a few messages that Trevor had been sending with Jenna and Joe, letting them know she was in labor but there was no announcement to them about Elena arriving.
"Hey honey—" Trevor murmured, giving a half yawn, glancing at Liv playing with her phone.
She smiled at him, "Hi love," she greeted him, "you and Elena look so cozy," she remarked.
Trevor glanced at his daughter; a look of serenity passed over his face. "She's gorgeous and so peaceful. The nurse suggested I rest with her and they'll come back in for you to feed soon."
"Okay."
"How are you feeling?," he asked, resting his hand on Elena's back as he sat up a little straighter.
"I'm so tired and my body is so sore, but I'm good…" she replied and she meant it.
"Will a cuddle with our angel make you feel a little better?," he asked, referring to the chubby little wrinkly baby who wore the tiniest little diaper.
"Yes… but I'm okay to watch the two of you cuddle, that makes me feel good too."
"I could come up there and lay with you both," he suggested, "as long as its not going to hurt you."
"No, you won't hurt me. I would love if you came up here with me and cuddled Elena with me."
Slowly he got up, holding Elena carefully. He placed her down on top of Olivia's chest and pulled the sheets up over her before climbing in to bed with her. She eased over to give him as much room as possible. The beauty of Trevor's insurance afforded them privacy and a maternity plan that catered for the paternal figure as well.
She knew they were very lucky and it wasn't lost on her.
"Did you let Jen and Joe know we had the baby?" Olivia asked.
"I didn't actually, I wanted to wait for you. I thought we could face time them," he smiled.
"Yeah, I like that idea. I want to see Noah. I miss his little face and I want him to meet his sister."
Trevor smiled. "We'll get Angela to bring him when she comes in. She was going home to sleep for a few hours and then she said she would come in to do a final exam and check on Elena."
"Sounds good." Olivia reached for her phone again and passed it to Trevor, "I'm sure I look horrible but…I really want to tell them in real time."
Trevor shook his head and kissed her lips softly. "You look beautiful," he countered her remark, caressing her face with the back of his finger tips. "Like… maybe the most beautiful you've ever looked."
Olivia couldn't help but to laugh however, his words were sincere and he still made her cheeks turn pink with his generous compliments. "I wish I felt like that…" she murmured, searching his eyes.
"Give it a few days," he told her, lifting her chin slightly to meet his lips again. "You'll feel a lot better in a few days."
She nodded in agreement.
She wanted him open her phone and text Angela, asking him to bring Noah with her and then he moved on to Jenna's contact and despite the fact that it was only 7:30 in the morning, he pressed the Face Time button.
Joe answered her phone. "Hey… hold on," he mumbled. A light went on and Trevor realised he and Jenna were still in bed.
"Did I wake you?" Trevor asked.
"Nah, Jen and I were just enjoying the quiet moment of all the kids asleep, how's Liv? We saw that you went to the hospital after dinner yesterday… how's it going? How's Olivia?"
"Good." Trevor smiled. "We want to say hello to you both."
"Oh my goodness, she's had the baby, hasn't she?" Jenna peered in, getting closer to Joe.
Trevor laughed and Olivia did too. He pulled the phone out a little further to show Olivia. She smiled and waved wearily. "We had the baby… we've had about 2 hours sleep…" Trevor glanced at Olivia to make sure everything was covered up. He turned the phone around, "Meet your niece, Elena-Ann Langan,"
"Oh wow," Joe murmured, "she's gorgeous, congratulations both of you.."
Jenna repeated her husband's sentiments, "I can't believe she came so quick, wow, look at her chubby little face…"
She was chubby, she had rings around her wrists and in the bend of her elbows and chunky little legs and feet that Olivia was already in love with.
"All that hair… that's gotta be Olivia's doing, we're used to having little blondies…" Joe remarked and Olivia laughed. "And Elena is such a pretty name, I love that."
"Thanks guys," Olivia replied.
Trevor turned the phone back around. "We actually had a bit of a shitty nurse at the start who made Liv feel a little upset so we called Angela and it was positive and smooth and Angela and I literally delivered the baby together."
"Trevor is just waiting to put his papers in at work so he can become a midwife," Olivia joked.
Trevor laughed. Jen and Joe did too. Olivia knew that she and Jen would discuss that privately later.
"When can we visit?" Jen asked, "I know you'll want time, but… I'm a first time aunt and Jo is a first time uncle…"
Olivia smiled wearily. "You guys can come visit whenever you want, of course. Angela is coming to check on things shortly and we've asked her to come and collect Noah so…"
"We might wait for Ange to get home later and look after the kids so we don't turn the place in to a zoo." Joe told them. "I'll talk to Ange when she comes for Noah," he smiled.
"Okay, we'll send you guys some photos of her when we get off the phone."
"Congratulations," Jenna said again, "we love you guys and can't wait to give Elena, Liv and the midwife a huge hug."
They laughed and said a goodbye just as the nurse came back in to check on them.
/
"Daddy!" Noah whispered as he caught sight of Trevor who was just heading back in to Olivia's room with a cold soda for them both. He looked up and saw Noah bounding toward him.
"Shhh, babe," Angela reminded him gently.
"Hey bubba," Trevor greeted him with a big grin. "I missed you!" He handed the sodas to Angela so he could sweep Noah up and give him a warm hug. "I missed you my beautiful baby boy!" He covered Noah's face in playful kisses until the little boy giggled a little too loudly.
"I missed you too, Daddy," he told him, taking Trevor's face in his hands, "your face is alllllll prickly and itchy!," he remarked.
Trevor laughed at his observation. He had recently clean-shaved and his stubble was growing back and he was glad, he felt bald. "Where's Mommy?"
"She's sleeping with your baby sister! She arrived last night while you were sleeping!"
Noah's blue eyes widened with surprise, "my sister is here!?," he asked causing both Angela and Trevor to grin broadly at his awe-inspired excitement. "To meet me?!"
"Yes, she's here to meet you! She can't wait to meet her big brother. Isn't that exciting?"
Noah nodded emphatically. "Yeah! What is her name!"
"Her name is Elena, isn't that pretty?" Trevor asked, wanting to chat to his son outside the room so that Noah was calm when they went in to the room.
He nodded again, smiling excitedly. "Can I hold her?," he asked. "Or is she little like baby Lily?"
"She's tiny like your cousin Lily, but I think you could hold her and give her big brother snuggles. I think she'd like that very much but its important that you're quiet because Mommy was very, very, very busy trying to get her to come out of her tummy last night."
"Didn't she want to come out?" Noah asked curiously.
"Well," Trevor began, leaning against the wall beside Angela out of the way of anyone coming through the hall. "When it's time for the baby to come out," he started, ignoring Angela who looked amused, wondering what bullshit her brother was going to spout.
He struggled to come up with something.
"Let me handle this," Angela butted in. "Noah when your sister arrived, she is in a special type of sleeping bag inside of Mommy's tummy and when it's time, the sleeping bag opens up but we need to get it out and it takes a lot of time and sometimes can be a little bit painful so Daddy helped Mommy through the pain so that it didn't hurt too much and the doctors helped take your sister out, so Mommy might be sore and tired."
"Oh, did you have cut her tummy open!?," he asked; Olly had told him that's how his own sister was born.
"Sort of," Angela agreed. She didn't want to overstep on the facts but she assumed Olivia would try to explain it to him a little more accurately when she had recovered or when she deemed it appropriate.
"Can we see her now?"
"Of course, kiddo." Trevor agreed, "but we have to be quiet remember, so using our very, very soft voices."
Noah nodded, taking his father seriously. Angela trailed behind him as they made their way back in to the room. Olivia was sleeping soundly and Elena was asleep in her crib after her first very successful feed. "Whispering voices," Trevor warned Noah.
"I wanna cuddle Mommy," he whispered in to Trevor's ear.
He knew he should have checked first and taken Noah for a walk to allow Olivia some time to sleep, but it was too late. Liv's eyes opened. She was a little disoriented at first but the second that she saw Noah, her eyes filled with tears. "Awww Noah, my sweetheart," she greeted him, "come give Mommy a cuddle."
Trevor circled Olivia's bed and set Noah gently down on to the hospital bed, pulling his shoes off him. "Be careful of Mom, remember," Trevor reminded him, "she's in a little bit of pain," he added.
Noah gently sidled up to Olivia and wrapped his arms around her. She cuddled him warmly, wiping her eyes. "Don't cry Mommy, I'm right here!"
"I know," she wept, laughing, "Mommy is just having a lot of big feelings today."
Noah kissed her cheek and snuggled in to Olivia's arms, enjoying her hugs. "I love you and I missed you," she told him.
"I love you too, Mom."
"I bet you had fun having a sleep over at Auntie Jenna and Uncle Joe's house."
Noah nodded with a big smile. "We had popsicles after dinner and when the twins went to bed Uncle Joe said we could have another one!"
"TWO!" Trevor exclaimed quietly, "Uncle Joe is so naughty."
Noah giggled.
Olivia greeted Angela, happy to see her face. "Liv, you need a good sleep," she told her matter-of-factly, "you look very tired."
"I am… hopefully I can sleep tonight."
"Yeah, doctors orders. Noah can stay with me tonight and Dad can man the baby while you get a good solid sleep, it'll help with the healing."
"I wanna stay with Mommy," Noah pouted.
"Mommy will probably come home from the hospital tomorrow but you can't stay here with her tonight babe, I'm so sorry," Angela told him, "but I promise if you come home with me later, we'll play lots of games and I'll play on the x-box with you and we can have a special treat for dinner."
Olivia smiled, grateful for Trevor's sister. "That actually sounds like more fun than sitting here with me," she told Noah stroking his curls. "Honey, why don't you ask Daddy very nicely if he can bring your baby sister over to meet you."
Noah turned to Trevor behind him, "Daddy? Can you bring my sister?"
He smiled and got up from the seat he had been sitting in and made his way to the crib. He carefully lifted her, "she's so tiny," he murmured to Angela who marvelled over her, "its okay that she's this tiny, right?" He asked his sister.
Angela laughed, "Yes, Trevor, that's absolutely normal. She's actually kind of chunky and big."
"Good," he replied.
"Liv once you guys have some time with her and Noah, I'll get Trev to take Noah for a walk and I'll do an examination, is that okay?"
Olivia nodded. "Sure…"
/
Trevor strapped Elena in to the baby wrap after the nurse had showed him how to effectively tuck their newborn in so that she was comfortable and snug against his chest. "Wait a sec, Liv," he warned her as she sat uncomfortably in the passenger seat of the Range Rover.
He came to her side and opened the door. She melted to see Elena warmly resting against her proud father. Trevor helped her out of the car. She was uncomfortable and sore still. "You okay?"
"Yeah," she smiled, "I am excited to be in my own bed and sleep properly."
Olivia still hadn't had much sleep with nurses in and out of her room and Trevor uncomfortably moving around.
"Okay we'll get you in to bed and nursing Elena and then we can leave you to have the most wonderful sleep since becoming a Mommy again."
She smiled appreciatively as they walked inside, Olivia a little slower than usual, but was feeling pretty good. She was happy to have both Angela and Jenna close by so that she could fire all of her questions at them.
Trevor placed the baby down in a free-standing hammock that they'd purchased for the living room before turning to Olivia. "Come here…" she turned to him, a little surprised. He reached down and gently supported the back of her legs, hoisting her in to his arms. He kissed her lips gently. "Welcome home Mama, I'm going to make sure you have the absolute best sleep… no noises, no beeping of machines, just silence —or TV, whatever you like," he carried her up the steps with Olivia giggling a little at how beautiful and kind he was.
He set her down when they got to the bed and pulled back the covers for her. "Here you are my love, rest your weary head upon thy pillow," he joked.
She laughed and propped herself up with a few pillows and sighed happily. "I never thought I'd be so happy to have my own bed."
Trevor smiled. "What do you think? Do you think that you might like to feed her before you sleep that way she could sleep a bit longer?"
"Yeah…" Olivia nodded, "I think that's probably gonna work out better."
"Okay, I'll just bring her upstairs with you and I will bring the porto-crib from her room and go and get all the stuff from the car."
"Thank you, Trev, for being so wonderful. I love you so much."
He smiled, leaning over to kiss her. "I love you too, it's all my pleasure. I am so happy, Liv… I feel like I'm walking on air and I can't tell you how content this all feels."
"I hope you still feel like that at 3 in the morning."
"I will… because we both have some time from work. I can do the work that I want to in the hours that I want to, so I don't mind her waking us up…"
Olivia appraised him, he looked tired too. "Don't forget to sleep yourself, love…"
"I will, as soon as she goes to sleep after her feed, I'll have a sleep and then I'll go get Noah and bring him home. Angela took him and Olly to the indoor pool."
"Wow, he really is a lucky little thing," she smiled.
Trevor nodded in agreement. "Okay love, I'll be back, get yourself comfortable and let me know if you need something."
Trevor did a few things around the house while Olivia fed Elena. He moved the crib in to their room and grabbed Olivia a snack and some water and realised that Jenna had stocked their refrigerator — some sweet snacks like muffins and and little jelly cups for Noah. There were portioned meals for them all and Trevor almost cried at the kindness of his brother and sister-in-law knowing that despite their own tribe of children, they always thought about others.
Jen had learned from his mother how to make spaghetti bolognaise and it was always so delicious; he knew that was what he was going to be eating for dinner. He took a muffin up to Olivia and found her with her head back against the bed head, sleeping lightly as Elena curled in to her breast.
"Hey," he touched Olivia, holding his hand on his baby's back. "Baby, wake up…"
Olivia's eyes jolted open. "Its okay," Trevor assured her, "I just wanted to wake you up because you look uncomfortable. I'm laying Elena down for a sleep downstairs in the hammock with me, you snuggle down and get a good rest. He glanced up at the air conditioner, "I've just put the warm air on for you…" he kissed her forehead.
"Thanks…" she murmured sleepily.
"You're welcome, sweet dreams…"
He tucked Elena against his shoulder, her face resting warmly against his neck — a feeling he would never grow sick of. He circled the bed and pulled the curtains closed.
He heard Olivia yawn silently as she slid down gingerly, getting comfortable. He came back to her and pulled the covers over her shoulders. "Love you…" he murmured.
"Love you too," she murmured.
/
"Oh my gosh," Trevor breathed a fresh sigh of relief as he saw his sister and Noah. "Thank you!"
"Hi Daddy!" Noah greeted Trevor, "where's Mommy?"
"Mom's upstairs in bed asleep, we're going to leave her for awhile because she's very tired."
"Aww where is my sister? Can I see her?" Noah asked.
"Yes, in a second," he smiled, "just remember we are gonna keep our voice down, because Elena is sleeping too."
He turned to Angie, "did you get it?"
"Hi, I'm good, thanks for asking," she joked. She knew Trevor was just excited. "Yes, I got it, you should have heard the freaking woman, she gave me the third degree— anyone would think I was being given the Isadora." She reached in to her handbag and pulled out a small bag.
"I'm excited— when are you going to do it?," she asked, her eyes sparkling.
"Well… what do you think?"
"All I know is what Jenna said and I can attest to it — Liv told us her perfect idea of a proposal is just a moment with you — didn't have to be special, just a special moment, privately, nothing public and no big scenes because that to her felt … over-the-top."
He nodded slow, "Okay, I don't know when I'll do it — I'll wait for the right moment," he shrugged. "I hate referring to Liv as my girlfriend, it feels weird now that we have Elena."
Angela laughed. "Can I see my niece too? Can Noah and I have a cuddle?"
"Sure…" he replied.
Angela took Noah's hand and spotted the hammock close to the couch. "Come on kiddo, let's go see your sister."
"I love my sister and I need to cuddle her when she's home!" Noah told them both. Trevor couldn't wipe the grin from his face. He watched his sister lift the sleeping infant and take a seat on the couch with her, encouraging Noah to climb up beside her. She reached over and rested a cushion in Noah's lap and laid her cross both of them.
"She's so beautiful, isn't she?"
"Yes, I love her," he told Angela. He gently touched her hair.
"Look, she has your Mommy's hair…" Angela informed him.
Noah smiled, "What do I have from my Mommy?," he asked.
Trevor glanced up and locked eyes with Ange. She glanced back at Noah and smiled, "you have your Mommy's brave heart and kindness."
Noah smiled, satisfied. "My eyes look like yours and Daddy's," he told her.
"They do," she smiled, "you have your Daddy's eyes and also my eyes!"
Noah smiled at Trevor. Trevor was inspecting the ring that Angela had brought him back from the jeweller. He had purchased the design a short while ago and had been waiting for the finished product.
"Will my sister live here when Mommy and I go back to the city, Daddy?" Noah asked curiously.
"Oh," Trevor smiled, placing the bag down on the coffee table. He made his way over and sat beside Noah. "Bubba, wherever you and Mommy go, me and Elena will go too. We are a family now. We'll go to the city together or we'll stay here together — we haven't decided yet."
"If we go back to the city who will look after Maple for me?"
Trevor smiled, "We don't have to worry about that right now, bubba, we will be here on the farm until your sister is one and until we decide to send you to school."
"Ohh, I'll go to school like Olly," Noah smiled, "but now I get to stay home with you and Mommy and Elena and Maple!"
"Sounds like a very good plan," Trevor agreed. "Look," he nodded, "your sister is waking up,"
Noah smiled. He was still in awe of the baby and a little scared of hurting her. "I'll leave you both with her," Angela told Trevor, "Joe and Jenna told me to let you know that they'll leave you guys for today but will text you about dropping in tomorrow."
"I'll call them later, they totally filled our fridge."
Angela laughed. "Typical… actually Joe gave me some muffins last night."
"We are lucky," Trevor told her.
She scooped up Elena and passed her carefully to Trevor. "I'll catch up with you guys later and if you need help with this little monster, tell him to yell out to his auntie Angela."
She kissed Noah on the forehead. "I love you kiddo."
"Love you," Noah called after her. She gave Trevor a wave and left them to it. "Bubba, how do you like your new sister?"
"I love her," Noah replied, "she's so little, Daddy, when will she be big enough for me to play with?"
Trevor smiled, "Not for awhile, but the time will pass really fast so we have to enjoy allll the moments of her being little."
"I will," Noah nodded seriously. "I like touching her skin, it's so soft and so is her hair."
"Me too," Trevor replied. "Would you like to hold her on your own like a big boy?"
"Yes," Noah nodded again.
Trevor positioned his arms and lifted Elena in to Noah's waiting arms. "You need to support her head because it's very delicate, bubba."
Noah smiled happily — proud of the responsibility. "Hold still and I will take a photo of you and Elena for Mommy, okay?"
Trevor got up and took his phone out. Noah grinned happily for the photo. "Lovely," he remarked. "My two beautiful babies…"
Noah giggled. "Daddy she's looking at me…" Trevor sat back down and nodded. He gave Noah a kiss on the temple and let him hold her for a little. "She is looking at you, she's curious about her brother."
"I'm your brother," Noah told her, " and now that I have a sister I can share you with our Mommy and Daddy and I can share our pet piggy, Maple with you when you're bigger and we can ride Dolly the little horse."
"And when you learn to read, you can read Elena stories and play games with her," Trevor pointed out.
"I love you, Elena," Noah told his sister.
Once Elena began to cry, Trevor took her back. He checked her diaper and found a little gift she had left for him. He made a face, "thank you for that, munchkin," he smiled despite the smell that hit him. "Noah, can you help me and go and grab the bag at the door."
Noah got up off the couch and dragged one of their hospital bags to where Trevor was, on the floor with the infant. He rifled through the bag until he found a diaper and changing mat.
"Okay honey, I will make this as quick and as painless as possible for me," he said, with laughing at his own joke. "Noah there are some wipes there, can you please pass them to me," he nodded to some changing wipes just out of his reach.
Noah passed them across. "Daddy did she poop?"
"Yep, she definitely pooped," Trevor smirked at Noah making a face and holding his nose.
He changed her diaper as quickly as he could, thankfully having a little bit of practice with his niece and nephews when they were younger. He still managed to use way too many wipes.
He picked her up and gathered the diaper and the wipes and picked up the ball of waste he'd made out of it and went asked for Noah's assistance with a new trash bag.
"Okay, Elena is getting very upset and I think it's time Mommy feeds her and while she does that, you and I can get dinner to feed us"
"Can I see Mommy too?" Noah asked.
"Sure, come on…"
/
"He really didn't want to go to sleep tonight…" Trevor smiled. "But, I think he's so excited about Elena."
Olivia held on to her baby and returned the smile wearily. "He's so sweet," she remarked, "I really misjudged his capacity to love her, but it's beautiful."
"What about you, love? How are you feeling?"
"I think it's all caught up with me, I'm so tired, but I also feel that happy giddy feeling."
"You look happy…" Trevor came to her side and picked up the baby. "Elena and I have to go and get something, we'll be back."
Olivia rose her eyebrow and smiled. "Could you get me a drink? Just some water?"
"Of course baby, I'll be right back."
/
Trevor put the small box with the ring in his pocket and went to grab Liv a bottle of water. He made his way back upstairs after turning off the lights. "Come on, my darling," he whispered, kissing his daughter's scalp, "we're about to do something crazy," he ascended the stairs and made the way down the hall to their bedroom.
Olivia smiled to see him cuddling Elena close. He already looked like the most perfect, doting father. "Here you go, love, I'd open it for you but… you know, I'm baby trapped."
She chuckled. "Thanks baby." She opened her drink and took a few mouthfuls and put the bottle down on her bedside table. "Can I pass her to you while I have a quick shower and get in ready for bed?"
"Of course…" Olivia smiled and took Elena from him.
He made sure she was comfortable with the baby. "Need anything?"
"No honey, I'm okay, thank you." He leaned over and kissed her lips before disappearing in to the bathroom.
Olivia lifted Elena closer to her shoulder, rubbing her back absently. "You are so sweet, my love… almost time for sleep, we'll wait for your handsome Daddy to come to bed first."
She kissed her.
She let her eyes close, tired. She listened to the peaceful sounds of her daughter sighing and murmuring sleepily. She couldn't stop herself from smiling. The birth had been painful and she was still very sore, but it had been worth it.
She opened her eyes again when Trevor reappeared in his underwear, carrying his clothes. "You look so serene…" he remarked.
"I am…" she replied, closing her eyes again. His glad her eyes were closed, it made it easier for him to take out the ring box more inconspicuously. He slid it beneath his pillow and put his clothes in the dirty laundry hamper. "I am going to pop Elena in her bed, is that okay?"
"Yeah I should try to sleep for a little bit when I can," she agreed.
Trevor lifted her from Olivia again and placed her in the portable crib. "Goodnight my sweetheart," he murmured.
He got in to bed and slid his hand beneath the pillow. "Love, can I talk to you about something?"
She turned to him, adjusting herself. "Sounds serious?"
"It kind of is…" he half-smiled. He stared at her for a moment, studying her beautiful face. "I love you so much, you look so beautiful…" he kissed her softly.
"I don't feel beautiful," she replied. "But I love you so much too, thank you." She paused, "so what is it?"
"I think…" he drew in a big breath, feeling a little nervous, "I think when we started dating I felt like I was shooting my arrow in to the abyss and that you'd never really agree to more than a casual few dates and then when things just kept progressing, I realised that I was falling in love with you but I was scared…"
Olivia wondered what he was getting at, but she listened carefully, realising he was growing a little sentimental.
"I just wasn't sure how to navigate this thing with you for all the reasons we discussed— and then you came here with me and oh my gosh…" he breathed, "I just felt like I'd known you forever and we had the most amazing time."
She smiled too, remembering how, from the second he picked up Noah out of the car and Noah had vomited, he acted like any parent would have and every step of the way he had involved her son. And their alone time — their dates were amazing and she loved every moment of her time with him.
"We still do…"
He nodded, "we still do…" he confirmed, "And look where we are? You've made me a father twice and we've started turning my house in to this beautiful home… and we've got this family farm business, you're making waves with The Women's Project and we have these two most beautiful children…"
Olivia felt her eyes filming over, realising how much she had gained.
"I'm just missing one thing, Liv, and do you know what that is?"
"What?," she asked, as he blinked back the stinging in his own eyes from the tears. She looked a little worried.
He pulled the ring box out and opened it up as Olivia registered what was happening. She began to cry.
"I'm missing a big piece of the puzzle and that's a wife… so…." He smiled at her as she grinned, letting out a sob. He slid off the bed backwards and on to his knee. He leaned over, holding the ring box, "Will you be my wife Olivia Benson?"
"Yes," she nodded enthusiastically, "yes, yes yes yes!"
"Yeah?" Trevor laughed, giddily happy. "Thank you…" he got back up on to the bed and kissed her softly, taking her face in his large hand. He repeated his kisses a few times, wiping her tears with thumbs. "I love you."
"I love you too."
She reached up and wiped his eyes too.
He reached for the ring and took her hand, sliding it on her ring finger. "You're gonna be my wife and I promise, you will never regret it."
"I know I won't. Thank you for being the most amazing man I've ever met. I love you."
She stared at her ring for a moment. "It's perfect and beautiful….thank you."
"You're welcome, love… If there's anything you don't love about it, we can get it altered."
"No, it's perfect… you picked it personally for me, so its perfect."
He smiled, "I really want you to be my wife as soon as possible," he said. He leaned over and kissed her.
"I want that too," she replied.
"Wanna do like… a little intimate wedding here at home? Invite your friends up, ill invite some of my friends— we can have a rustic garden wedding?"
Olivia's smile grew in to grin, "yeah? How soon?"
"As soon as you start feeling well enough — maybe like a month? A month and a half?"
She nodded, "Yeah… we should pick a date and let everyone know."
"Okay, let's do that tomorrow… I've already talked to Joe about it — I'll go through the plan with you for food and ideas tomorrow. I'm really excited, Liv, I can't wait to marry the shit out of you."
"Oh please let it be a day where I can do some drinking," she giggled. "Can we get Angela on the bar? I trust that girl with alcohol choices."
He grinned, "we can ask Jenna how to make that work. Ughhh, thank you for saying yes, I know we're on the same page, but…. I was nervous."
Olivia laughed, "I just pushed your beautiful child out of my loins, Trevor Langan, I don't think I would have done that if you weren't my forever."
He laughed, "and I don't think I've said but watching you go through that pain for so long without much complaint, baby, I have such a renewed sense of awe of you — I could never have done that."
She grinned at him, inching closer. He reached for her face, smoothing her skin. "I didn't have a choice once you put that baby in me… but thanks for being the perfect support through it and next time, if we have any other kids your sister is going to exclusively be my doctor, I've decided."
Trevor smiled, stroking her hair. "Thank you, baby, for wanting to be my husband and for my stunning ring…" she lifted her hand and glanced at it again, admiring it. "I'm so happy…"
"Good, I'm happy too. I love you and if you're happy, I think we should stay here for the time you're on maternity leave-"
"I thought that was just a given…" Olivia replied, "I was going to suggest we start looking at preschools in the area for Noah for next year…"
It clicked for Trevor that she was referring to schooling for their son in 6 months time after the end of the next summer — it indicated that she was willing to stay at the farm permanently and lay roots there. It meant she was almost entirely letting go of SVU.
"If it doesn't work out here, we can always go back to the city, Liv, if you change your mind about SVU."
She nodded, "I know and I love you for saying that. I think that … when Elena grows a little and we start seeing her personality and I start spending more time with Noah— I won't feel torn, I will know - I almost already know."
"Our life starts here, Liv, our life together — today it truly began with our family together and we get to enjoy our kids… I'm just really excited."
"Me too, baby," she replied softly.
He took her hand, running his thumb across her engagement ring, twisting it around her finger. She reached for his face, as she eased in to the crook of his arm. "This is all I've ever wanted, I can't believe my dreams have come true…. For years, Trev, for years I wanted someone to love me and I never imagined someone would love me the way you do —" she paused, catching his intense stare, "no, I'm actually wrong — this is better than I dreamed for myself. You're perfect for me."
"I really fucking love you," he chuckled. He kissed her lips gently. "You really light up my life."
She sighed and blinked slowly with a faint smile, intoxicated by his beautiful stare. "I am going to have the most wonderful sleep beside my fiancé, thinking about how our life is going to unfold with our kids…"
"And potentially one more…." Trevor winked.
Liv laughed. "Lets let me heal first and then we'll talk… shit, a farm with 7 kids and 5 adults, it really is going to turn in to a commune, isn't it"?"
They laughed. He kissed her lips and put the ring box behind him on the bedside table. "Sweet dreams my love."
He turned the light off and pulled her body close to him. She turned to her side, curling in to his warm body, slipping an arm around him. She felt his lips upon her forehead. She felt so secure physically and emotionally.
She knew Trevor was going to be a perfect team mate to have children with - that their love would grow together and as time went on, their relationship would evolve and grow. She knew she loved him more than any man who had come before him. She was content - not only with Trevor or Noah or the sweetest infant that she had just brought home.
She was also content with the work she was doing with May and Angela - for the plans that they had toward the future and the friendship she had with Jenna; and she wouldn't look back.
Manhattan seemed behind her - she wasn't sure if that was going to be forever and decisions still needed to be made, but right now, she thought, right now the cards seemed to have fallen in to place and she couldn't think of another place she ever wanted to be.
She wanted to be the traditional Mom and she was even feeling comfortable with Trevor earning money for them as a family.
She smiled to herself and gave him a little squeeze.
Yep, she thought, everything was coming up for her and she was going to accept it all with open arms and stop resisting love based on fear and past heartbreak. She was going to let good things happen and work hard at the things that she was passionate about, releasing her vice grip on what she realised was the only thing that had ever made her feel good enough; work.
She was slowly understanding with the help of Trevor and her young son, that she was enough.
She was enough.
"I love you so much," she whispered in to the night. "Thank you for allowing me to feel like I'm enough."
"Mmm," Trevor murmured, running his fingers through her hair. "You have always been enough, Olivia," he replied slowly and wearily.
"Always…" he repeated, kissing her forehead again.
He caressed her hair absently as they both drifted off to sleep; Olivia with a smile on her face.
Nope, she thought with a slow sigh of satisfaction; she wouldn't be looking back anymore.