Avalanche - A Wagon Train Story

by MustangSallie

After a disastrous event, Bill Hawks and Barney West resolve to always talk to each other. Somewhere along the trail, events occur and the father and son pact goes awry. Can Bill and Barney's Wagon Train family knit them back together or is the relationship destroyed forever?

Avalanche, A Wagon Train Story

Summary: After a disastrous event, Bill Hawks and his adopted son, Barney West, had pledged themselves to always talk to each other. Somewhere along the trail, events occur and the father and son pact goes awry. Can Bill and Barney's Wagon Train family knit them back together or is the relationship destroyed forever?

Author's Notes:

This story was originally posted in FanFiction earlier this year under Laramie. It has now been updated and changed to the category of Wagon Train.

"Sometimes the most profound experiences

Of our lives start with an act

So simple and careless

That we hardly think about it

Like tossing a small stone

That causes a massive avalanche."

Richard Paul Evans – "The Mistletoe Secret"

Chapter 1 – Not alone anymore

He had found her quite by accident at dusk. He reined in hard as he beheld the woman's figure lying in the dirt. At first, he thought he had dreamt her as he was exhausted from the trip to town. Chris had sent him into White Bluff for supplies and the mail and he had looked forward to a warm fire and dinner after setting up camp. One more night and he would be back at the train. Seeing her still, battered body changed all those plans and his life forever. He found a secluded spot and as he lifted her body, she opened her expressive blue eyes and looked deeply into his blue gray ones and gasped softly, " Thank God, you found me."

Bill Hawks was not a man given to superstitions or coincidences. He took life on with honesty and loyalty and a steadiness that made many a passenger follow him. Barney had seen the steadiness tested when his leg had broken but had found that his adopted father's love was deep and true when he had been injured and taken by Indians a few years later. They had pledged themselves to a pact of sorts. They would always talk to each other. Barney was growing up. Faced with the normal manly physical changes, he needed his father to explain the hows and whys of growing up. Bill had acknowledged that their next conversation might be embarrassing for both of them and he knew it was going to happen soon.

Cooper Smith, otherwise known as "Coop" was Bill's best friend and in his absence, took over the care of the young lad. Barney looked a lot younger than he actually was and because of the way he had been brought up, lacked some fundamental information. He admired the way that Bill had decided to raise Barney. Neither he nor Bill had ever married or raised youngsters but Bill's devotion was deep and he saw the good in Barney and knew instinctively that the cloak of bravado was just that and underneath the coat was a vulnerable young man, struggling to stand on his own two feet. He proclaimed that he wasn't lonely and could handle himself by himself and yet when Bill broke through the barrier and Barney had fallen into Bill's arms, Coop saw the depth of their love for each other.

"Avalanche," that's the code word that they decided to use when they needed to talk to each other, Bill had explained to Coop. So far, the shared word had only been used once before.

Bill cleaned the woman's face and hands as best as he could. He conducted a brief examination and discovered the dried blood on the back of her head and the bruising on her legs. He puzzled over her injuries and why she was alone but decided to wrap her up by the fire and in the morning take her back to the wagon train. Surely some of the women could handle the rest of the disrobing and determine the rest of her injuries.

The way back to the train was hampered by the woman. She was still unconscious and that was a source of concern. Bill had draped a blanket over her frail body and held her firmly in one hand while he gathered the reins with the other. It was slow going but they soon reached the wagon train.

Chris immediately took charge and the woman was laid in a wagon and tended to by two women. While she was being tended to, Chris gave out the mail, Charlie looked over his supplies and Bill and Barney had time to reconnect.

"Anything new happen while I was gone?" Inquired Bill.

Barney was unusually fidgety, he noted. He clutched his hat and licked his lips several times. At first, Bill was tempted to ignore the nervous actions but curiosity was gnawing at his backbone. " It can't be that bad," he motioned to Barney to sit beside him.

Barney shook his head. "How do you know if you're in love?" He blurted.

Bill shot him a look that pinned him to the spot. 'Surely he wasn't really in love yet? It must be puppy love.' He thought frantically. ' My boy is growing up, that's true, but love?'

"Well now, there's several types of love, Barney. There's the love a parent has for their child, the love between relatives, friendship, brotherly love, the way you want to hold a person's hand, protective love, courtship, and marriage. Which do you suppose you have? Oh, and wait, are we talking about Becky Sue? "

Barney nodded and sat contemplating his answer. Slowly and almost shyly he mumbled " I guess I'm holding her hand more than usual. "

"And she's not objecting? "

Barney shook his head, a small frown formed on his handsome face. " Bill, she kissed me!"

'Ah,' Bill sucked in his breath. He glanced at his son. Barney, instead of looking happy was incredibly upset.

"What's got you so upset? "

"She just flung her arms around me and kissed me on the mouth! " he gulped. "I don't know how to kiss her back," his voice was so low Bill could hardly hear him.

Bill bit back a smile and grabbed Barney. "We need more privacy," he led him to the clump of trees outside of camp, not far from where they had the horses tied.

"What's got you more upset, the fact that she kissed you or that you don't know if you should kiss her back?"

Barney's frown deepened. " Bill, I like her well enough, we have things in common, we have fun together and while I'm on the train she's someone to be with but I'm not ready to jump from holding her hand to courting much less marriage!"

Bill laid a hand on his arm. " Whoa, who said anything about marriage? "

"She kinda did," he got up and paced, unable to sit still.

"She's got you tied up in knots," Bill commiserated.

Barney cocked his head to the side," What's that mean?"

"It means that she is trying to control the situation between you both and while we don't know exactly why, I know you." Bill laid a hand on Barney's shoulder. "Don't do anything you don't want to do."

"I can't avoid her, can I?"

Bill chuckled. "Nope, but because you work for Mr. Chris, you can become awfully busy for the next week or so. For instance, since I'm back now, you can go scouting with Coop or drive someone else's wagon or sleep in the supply wagon or with me and Charlie. The point is, try and stay away from her for awhile while you try and figure out what to do."

"Gee, thanks Bill!" Barney beamed, relief washing over his face.

"Anytime, son," he resisted ruffling his hair," you're not alone anymore. "

Chapter 2 ~ Falling – the first time

"She's awake," Miss Rachel Kingston informed Bill and Chris the next morning. "The fever is almost gone, she is hungry and she wants to meet her hero," she smiled as she took off her apron.

"Thank you, once again Miss Kingston," Chris said. " You have been invaluable this trip. I hope the people of Denver appreciate you."

"It was no trouble, Mr. Hale," the pretty woman from Boston told him. " I studied to be a doctor, you know. I just felt that being a midwife would help my brother's practice."

"Yup, she has certainly helped out a lot this trip," Chris told Bill. " I think I ought to join you," he gestured to the wagon in question.

They both climbed into the wagon and gazed at the woman in the bed. The first thing Bill saw was her hair. Spread across the feather pillow it looked like spun gold. He realized that he was staring and hastily looked away. Chris Hale caught his friend's actions and smiled inwardly. Bill was always focused on the job at hand or more recently, Barney, and he was glad that a woman had finally turned his second-in command's head.

"Gentlemen, my name is Rebecca Ann Reynolds. Which one of you is the Wagon Master?"

"That would be me," Chris spoke. He held out his hand and noted that her return grip was firm. Her hands were callused, and her nails were ragged. He wondered how long she had been on the run.

"Then you must be my hero," she turned and looked at Bill.

Bill nodded, not trusting his voice. He was instantly smitten. She was beautiful, he noted. Underneath the bruises, her face was smooth and her blue eyes reminded him of a spring morning. He held out his hand and she wrapped her small hand in his.

"How can we be of service, Mrs. Reynolds?" Chris asked.

"Well, I must be frank with you, Mr. Hale. I would like to join the train. How can I go about that?"

"Well, most folks buy the wagon and provisions and there's a fee . seeing that you don't seem to have any of those things, I can accommodate you if you can help out the people in some way, sort of pay your way across the west. "

Bill, who had not noticed her ring and was perturbed by this information, stared down at her. " What happened to you to put you in this state?"

"Bill!" Chris was aghast. "I must apologize for my assistant, Mrs. Reynolds. "I'm sure he is just curious, as many of our passengers will be, is how you managed to get hurt." He turned and glared at Bill.

"Well, you are due an explanation, gentlemen. And please don't apologize, Bill, I'm not offended. You see, I was running away from my husband."

Both men gulped and sank down heavily on the crates near the bed. Chris was afraid trouble was following her and Bill wanted to protect her.

"I am originally from Boston, " Mrs. Reynolds began. " I lived with my parents. My father was a minister and my mother was a school teacher. When I was young, an epidemic came to our town and my parents sent me to live with an aunt in Canada to escape the illness. When I came of age, my parents sent me to school to become a teacher. I returned to Boston and began my life teaching in the same school I had studied in. I was very lonely and made a huge mistake. " Mrs. Reynolds paused and Bill helped her drink some water from a canteen.

" I answered an ad in the paper. There was a man whose wife had died and he needed a new one. His letters were wonderful. They spoke of a ranch with horses and crops and of a lonely man. So I gave up my job and traveled to White Bluffs to meet him. But I found out that he never wrote the letters. They were written by a minister in town and all my new husband wanted was someone to cook, clean and perform her wifely duties." She stopped and in the collective silence, twisted the sheets into a ball.

Chris looked Bill in the eye. He had so many questions. He couldn't possibly leave her here.

"Does your husband know where you are?" Bill asked.

"No," she answered, " he thinks I'm dead."

Both men gasped. "How's that again?" stuttered Bill.

"He thinks I'm dead. A man rode up and saw my bruises and said he would come back but he never did, at least not alone. He came back with my husband, Edward. Ed beat me up and left me for dead. I crossed the prairie by myself." She sank back into the pillows, exhausted.

It took several days, but Mrs. Reynolds was soon recovered and was temporarily assigned to the supply wagon. She helped Charlie cook and sewed buttons and hems and was working on dresses for some of the girls. When she was stronger, she was going to teach some of the older children.

One Saturday evening, as Bill was making his rounds, he chanced upon Rebecca Reynolds sitting around the camp fire. Charlie had gone off somewhere so the two took the chance to talk. They were having such a good time that Bill forgot to check the horses.

"Bill, " Rebecca said, "you've been so kind I was wondering if I might repay you with a picnic lunch tomorrow? "

Surprised, Bill stammered, " Um, Rebecca, you don't have to repay me. I just did what any one would have done in my place."

"Oh, I insist! " she exclaimed. " I made an apple pie and am planning on a chicken dinner and biscuits. Shall we say noon?"

Bill shook his head, "Ma'am, er, Rebecca, that's very kind but I can't. You see I have something to do tomorrow that can't wait." He fumbled with his hat. Suddenly tongue tied, he looked down at his feet.

"Why, Bill, I thought that you didn't work on Sunday afternoons."

"I don't normally, I spend the day with my son." There, he'd said it. He wasn't embarrassed to tell her, exactly, he just didn't think it was any of her business.

Rebecca shook her head in confusion. " Well, why didn't you just say so! I'm sure he won't mind, being a youngster he could probably go play with one of the other boys."

"Rebecca, my son looks younger than he is and you will find that he can carry on a conversation with adults just fine." He bristled, thinking of her image of Barney. " We spend Sundays together as a family because we are both so busy during the week. We only break our time together if one of us is away. Unless you want to invite him, I'm sorry but I can't come. Perhaps another day."

Rebecca shook her head. ' Of all the impertance! A thirteen year old boy was more important than she. She vowed to make him change his mind. One Sunday wasn't that important was it?'

Chapter 3 ~ Understanding Women

Sunday dawned bright and clear and both Barney and Bill were eager to go fishing. Consequently, they raced through their chores, attended the Wagon Train's Religious Service and after changing clothes mounted their horses. They intended to ride out to a stream nearby that Barney had found when out with Coop the day before. As per their usual custom, they planned to talk about what had occurred during the week.

Bill had debated whether or not to tell Barney about Rebecca's invitation and finally decided to tell him. Part of him was afraid that she would try and pull them apart and part of him felt he was being overly cautious. As a result, he was mostly quiet during the ride. Finally, when they reached their destination and dismounted, Bill shared his concerns.

"Well, I can understand why you felt that way," Barney nodded. " I'm sure she's a nice person, but maybe she's not used to anyone saying 'no' to her. Remember Nancy Styles?"

Bill rolled his eyes. "She played on your emotions, Barney. I don't think she even loved you."

"She didn't. She only wanted to get away from her father. But in the end, she ended up being sent back to him anyway." He paused. "Bill, I don't understand women! "

Bill laughed out loud. " I don't understand them either! I mean, when I introduced you to Rebecca, I told her your age, your responsibilities, and that your boss was Chris Hale. I wanted her to know that you weren't working your way across the prairie and that you answered to Chris as your boss and to me as your father. I guess she wasn't listening." He shook his head in confusion.

"I told Becky Sue that I was under contract with the train company and couldn't just leave. She's got us married for goodness sake! I mean, we've kissed and held hands but we haven't even talked about what comes next. I don't make enough money to support me, much less a wife! "

"Barney, has her father talked to you about all this?"

Barney shook his head. "I don't think he even knows we are friends."

Bill grew serious then. "Remember that conversation we had about love?"

Barney nodded.

"I don't want to embarrass you, son, but has Becky Sue suggested to you that she would like to go to town just the two of you and maybe spend the night?"

Barney sucked in his breath. He had promised himself that he would never lie to Bill. He respected and loved him too much, but how did he know?

"She wanted me to," he stopped, mortified that he was even having this conversation, " touch her." He gulped and stared down at the ground hoping against hope that it would swallow him whole.

Bill knew instantly that Barney hadn't done what Becky Sue wanted to do and was immensely relieved. "Barney," he pulled him onto his shoulder. Barney was trembling.

"Saying 'no' must have been hard for you."

Barney nodded, his voice seemed to have disappeared.

"You stuck to your beliefs and knew instinctively that it was wrong, at least for the time being. You haven't reached courtship love yet and even though touching and kissing is pleasant, the results of hotel loving will stay with you forever if the two of you become parents. This is a conversation for another day, however. "

"Why do women have to push so hard to get their own way?"

"I wish I knew!" Both of them laughed then and settled down to do some serious fishing.

"Bill, do you know a Major Adams?"

Bill was so startled that he almost dropped his line. ""Major Seth Adams?" he stammered.

"Yeah," Barney sideways glanced at Bill.

"We knew each other before the war," Bill reminisced. "We came from the same town. When the war broke out and he knew I was signing up, he asked that I be put in his command. Why do you want to know?"

"Charlie told me that he had a ranch near Denver. He had always wanted to visit but he never could."

"Is he thinking of going to visit the Major after we deliver the passengers to California? "

"He didn't say so, but I think it was on his mind."

"Someday, I'll tell you the story of Major Adams. He saved my life and Charlie and I saved his."

Barney looked quizzical at his father. Bill was deep in thought again so he decided to change the subject.

"When you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen," he murmured.

Bill shook himself out of his dark memories and hugged his son. "When I'm ready, I 'cept that Charlie will want to be part of our circle."

Barney grinned and swung out his line again. He thought again how very lucky he was to have Bill in his life.

Chapter 4 ~ Second test

Several weeks passed with both members of the Hawks family ducking the women in their lives. Although Chris knew about the ladies, he had no idea why Barney wanted to go on so many trips with Coop and why Bill was spending more and more time with the Fuller family.

Charlie was in high spirits one morning. Breakfast was unusually good and the coffee was almost drinkable. Coop and Bill pinned him down and demanded to know the reason for the merriment.

"Charlie, you are beyond happy this morning, care to tell us why?"

"Oh, that's easy. There's gonna be a wedding and the ladies and I are trading recipes. "

"Who is getting married?" Barney asked.

"Well, if all you inquisitive people want to know, it's the nice Ben Peterson and the pretty school marm Miss Susan Griffth. Mr. Chris is going to marry them and there's gonna be a dance and cakes and pies, oh my!" he grinned at his joke. 'A dance!' Barney groaned inwardly. He liked dancing but he would be tied to Becky Sue all evening!

As he had predicted, Barney was glued to his girlfriend's side all evening and didn't get a chance to talk to Bill. He was afraid that his adopted father was spending so much time with Mrs. Reynolds that he was forgetting about him. Bill was always helpful and friendly. In fact that was one of his father's traits that he admired. He wanted Bill to be happy, but he wanted their Sundays and the closeness to continue.

Sunday morning came, but Bill did not show up. Barney waited by the supply wagon for over an hour past the time they usually met, but Bill still did not come. Coop tried to console him saying that maybe Bill had over slept and Charlie said that maybe he had consumed too much cider but Barney knew the truth. Bill was so in love that he had forgotten him! He stomped away in disgust and didn't come back to the train until way after supper. Bill had never returned to the supply wagon. Barney silently cried himself to sleep.

The next morning, Bill appeared, clean shaven and ready for the day. He appeared happy but Coop could tell that something was wrong. " You okay?" he inquired.

"Yeah, why do you ask? "

"Well, you were gone most of the day; you weren't with Barney; and your shaving things are here and yet there are no whiskers on that face of yours!"

Bill scowled. "I'll allow you one remark like that one because we're friends, but where I spend my free time is my business, got it?"

Coop sucked in his breath. He turned towards his friend, unconsciously fingering his pistol.

"It's my business when the boy I care about cries himself to sleep because his father cares more about a woman he's only known for a few months and ignores the young man he pledged to care for. For a man who prides himself on being smart, you'd better take note. You're driving Barney away from you and into the arms of a girl who doesn't love him and is probably using him to get to San Francisco and a life of misery." Coop fought for breath and stalked away leaving a stunned and ashamed man in his wake.

Barney was assigned to help drive the McCormick family's wagon as Mr. McCormick had broken his arm and it meant that Barney was out of Bill's sight for most of the day. It left him with a lot of thinking to do. He was practically sure that he didn't love Becky Sue, at least not the marrying love that Bill had explained to him. He was going to have to tell Becky Sue before she had them married. The problem was that she had told the other girls on the train that her beau was going to be promoted and would have plenty of money for their wedding trip to San Francisco!

Bill looked for Barney at dinner time but couldn't find him. Rebecca had coffee ready for him and he ended up spending the remaining hours of the day in her arms. He was completely taken with this beautiful rare woman and delighted in her charms and wit and the feel of a woman in his embrace. It had been a long time since he had found love and he wasn't about to lose it. Deep down, he knew that ignoring Barney had been wrong and he wanted to make things right again. The problem was that Rebecca saw Barney as a stone in their path of happiness and thought that the boy should be in a school not a wagon train. He sighed, as he thought about his son and felt Rebecca's arms tighten around his neck.

"Darling," she murmured, " you know that town we stopped in to get supplies the other day? "They have the most beautiful hotel. I went inside while you and Mr. Hale were in the general store. We could go there on Saturday and spend the night and come back on Sunday night. Aren't you always looking for a quiet place for us to be together? " she nuzzled his cheek and he forgot Barney as he met her lips with his own.

Barney wasn't sure if he should wait again as he hadn't seen Bill all week. But he convinced himself that the past Sunday was something they could talk about. So, after the Sunday Service, he changed his clothes and waited by the wagon. It wasn't until he saw Miss Kingston that he realized how late it was. She normally took a walk around lunchtime.

"Miss Kingston, I wonder if you've seen Bill Hawks in your travels? "

"Not today, young man," she answered, "but I saw him ride away from the train yesterday with Mrs. Reynolds. I don't believe they are back yet."

Barney felt numb. He managed to thank Miss Kingston and sat down in the supply wagon. Bill had left the train without saying a word to him. He had completely forgotten the day and chose Mrs. Reynolds instead of him to spend the day with. A horrible thought occurred to him. Bill and Mrs. Reynolds wrapped up in a blanket on the trail or in the hotel they had passed a few days ago. An icy chill ran down his back. He had been abandoned again. First Barnaby Senior and now Bill Hawks. Gone were the compassionate thoughts of the woman Bill had found on the trail. The only thing he felt now was a fire- driven hatred so consuming that he could hardly breathe. 'I can't stay here a moment longer', he fumed.

He spent several hours deep in thought. He was under contract to Mr. Chris. He supposed that he could save any money he earned at his future father-in-law store and send it to Mr. Chris. He would miss Coop and Charlie and Mr. Chris most of all. He had to deliver Becky Sue to Denver. Maybe he could find work on a ranch or small farm for awhile and then, God-help-him, marry Becky Sue and settle in California. He wouldn't feel the sun in his face, nor the wind at his back or the warm loving embrace of his father but he could make himself happy, couldn't he?

Chapter 5 – Denver and Despair

"Coop, can I ask you something?" Barney watched as his friend and fellow scout wiped the shaving soap off his face.

"Sure, what do you want to know?"

"Do you know of any ranches or farms near Denver?"

Coop ran a hand through his hair and then set his hat back on. 'This situation was getting out of control' he thought to himself.

"The only one I know of belongs to a friend of Charlie's, a Major Seth Adams. He used to be a Wagon Train Master. He's retired now but runs a ranch – lots of horses, cattle. Say, you'd be right at home there! Why do you want to know?"

Barney sat down on a crate near the supply wagon. Charlie was down by the stream getting water and Mr. Chris was conducting his morning rounds. Bill was nowhere in sight. " Well, first I'm going to deliver Becky Sue and her family to Denver, then I'm going to come back to the train with their wagon and collect my pay and personal belongings. Then, I need to find a job for the winter. I'll meet up with Mr. Chris in the spring. "

"What about Becky Sue?"

"When I get to Denver, I'm going to tell her that I can't marry her. I don't love her and she needs to know that."

"Be a little gentle when you tell her that, or you're bound to get a plate thrown at you!"

Both men smiled. " Don't worry, Coop. I know what to say."

"What about Bill?" Coop wondered what he was going to say.

"He won't be here, will he?"

"You never know," Coop decided to confront Barney. "Have you really thought this through? I'm so mad that two of my best friends are becoming strangers."

Barney's head was in his hands. " Coop have you ever seen an avalanche? "

Chills swept up and down Coop's spine. 'That was their code word, wasn't it?'

Not trusting his voice, he nodded. "If you don't move, you might die" he finally said.

"I feel that way, like an avalanche is coming my way and there's no way to stop it. First my Grandmother dies. Then I travel to California with only my rifle and Rusty. Then I meet Bill and we become a family. Then I meet my real blood father who doesn't want me. I would have been abandoned if it weren't for Bill. I knew, don't ask me how, that he was my father. Anyway, we go through some growing pains. I broke my leg and I was taken by the Indians. But now, I've been abandoned again. Maybe I'm not meant to have a father." His tear filled eyes met Coop's. Then he straightened his shoulders. "Don't worry about me, Coop. I'll be fine," he spoke resolutely. " I walked the last time. I know a lot more now."

After their talk, Coop went to find Charlie. Somehow they had to find Bill and sort this whole mess out. "Has he said anything to you?" Coop asked Charlie.

Charlie shook his head. "Bill told me to mind my own business and Barney told me that he was leaving and I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore."

"Well, that's just great!" Coop groaned. "Time to see Chris. "

"I don't like getting involved in the private lives of my team," Chris looked between the scout and the cook. "Who Bill sees is his business and what Barney does is not my responsibility. "

"Barney's a 17 year old boy who is going off half cocked because of his adopted father's behavior and," Chris cut him off with a stare, "is thinking and acting like a boy. He's jealous and thinks that the world revolves around him. They both have to solve this problem together or not at all. I'll miss Barney but he has to do his own growing and if Bill wants to marry Mrs. Reynolds, then so be it." Then he walked away from them hoping they never saw his tears.

Several days later, Bill approached Charlie and Coop at the supply wagon. He had been confronted by Chris who asked him when Barney's wedding was and the thought generated others and led to an epiphany of sorts. Realizing that he had been neglecting his son for far too long, he had come to try and make amends.

"Where is he?" Bill's irate voice carried over the wagon train. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Coop fought back, but an angry Bill Hawks had twice the strength of a usual quiet man. The scuffle continued until Chris heard the ruckus and sprang into action. While Charlie pinned Coop's arms down and then sat on him, several men pulled Bill off the smaller man.

Chris dispersed the crowd and sat them down opposite each other. "Now, let's talk this over like gentlemen, " he began. Bill glowered at Coop and Coop glared at Bill. " What you do in your spare time is your business, gentlemen, but when your behavior affects others it becomes my business. Now, you," he gestured at Bill," have an adopted son whom you have been ignoring for the better part of a month and you," he pointed at Coop," have been meddling in their affair. If Bill wants to marry he should. By the way, are you?"

"Am I what?" Bill looked confused.

"Getting married?" Chris asked.

"Hell no, " replied Bill gruffly.

"Why not?" Coop asked, surprise dripping from every syllable.

"We broke up. Seems she thought that Barney was a thirteen year old boy who belonged to proper parents in a home and going to school in Boston. She thought he was trying to break us apart by wanting to have father-son Sundays and she demanded that I punish him." Bill 's voice got quieter and quieter as he spoke and at the end looked so miserable that Coop wanted to just hug him. He refrained with a modicum of restraint as Chris just shook his head.

"Now you," he gestured towards Coop, "I know you feel close to Barney and want the best for your friend but this is one situation that they both have to solve together. We know that they have had father-son Sundays since they boarded the riverboat that first time. I'm sure he wanted you to be happy, Bill. But you did neglect him. You left a vulnerable boy alone with a manipulative young woman who wanted to get away from her parents. I doubt that she even loves Barney. Now, we've got that same boy, leading the family to Denver and heading back to the train. Last I heard, he was planning on marrying her and working in her father's store."

"I don't believe that's going to happen, Chris."

"Why not?" The collective gaps echoed around them. All eyes were trained on Coop.

"As late as yesterday, Barney told me that he wasn't going to marry Becky Sue. He was dropping the family off in Denver and going to find a job for the winter. Then join up with the train in the spring. He figured that you would be married. Oh, and that boy left you a letter. It's inside."

Chapter 6 ~ Avalanche!

Outside the Supply Wagon the air was hot and dry. Bill's shirt was dusty and wet with sweat, but when he read Barney's letter, he felt an icy chill run down his spine. He felt pieces of his heart break and was sure if he stood up and walked, he'd step on them. His son's handwriting was straight and sure but his words shot arrows into his heart.

"Dear Bill,

I don't know if I can truly tell you how I feel right now. A few weeks ago, I was jealous. Not jealous of Mrs. Reynolds but jealous of the time you spent with her. We've known each other for awhile now. I trusted you with my heart and my life and you chose to spend the only day we set aside to be a family, with a woman who had run away from her husband. Maybe he was a liar or did indeed harm her, but she clearly needs to work things out before she gets someone else involved in her life. One of the things that I like about you is that you are always so kind and helpful. Were you just being kind when you took me under your wing and how helpful are you now? Can't Mrs. Reynolds take care of herself?

I'm not jealous anymore, I'm hurting and I miss you so much. I wanted to talk to you and tell you how I felt but you either ignored me or were never around. Maybe part of this is my fault, I don't know and I guess I'll never know. I know I'm supposed to be a man and act like it, but I'm not a man yet. You and Mr. Chris thought that I was grown up because I walked from Virginia to California, that I looked after myself, that I was learning to scout and could carry a gun, but Bill I'm not a man, not yet anyway. I still need your guidance, your wisdom, your hand on my shoulder in support or pride and I still need your arms around me. The only place I felt loved and safe has been ripped away from me.

I don't want you to think that I don't want you to be happy. If you feel that you can make a life with Rebecca than you should. You need someone to hold, to support you, to love you and to be the mother of your children. I won't stand in your way. I just want a small piece of your heart.

An avalanche of feelings is swirling upon me now. I don't think I can see straight. I'm going to end this letter now. My plans are to drive Becky Sue's family to Denver, catch up with Mr. Chris and get my pay and move on. Part of me thinks I should marry Becky Sue although I don't love her. I won't have anyone, if I don't. I do need time and a place to stay while I figure out my next steps.

If I decide to return to the train in the spring and you are there also, I promise to be civil. I owe Mr. Chris that. I'll be on my own again. I remember Duke Shannon told me that a man is never truly alone if he has friends to help him along the way, well I guess I'm in need of new friends and a family.

Goodbye.

BH."

Chapter 7 ~ Major Adams meets Cooper Smith

Several days after Barney left, Charlie sought out Coop. He missed his favorite traveling companion but he missed the friendly banter with Bill more. He had thought on the whole situation and finally came up with an idea that just might work. Coop was sitting by the camp fire mending a harness.

"Coop, have you seen Bill?"

Coop shook his head. "Maybe he's in his wagon," he waved his hand in the general direction of the Hawks wagon. " He seems to be spending a lot of time there," he added.

"We gotta do something to mend their rift," Charlie spoke earnestly.

"You heard Chris, didn't you? We can't get involved, " Coop stopped his work and laid the harness down. He looked up at Charlie.

"I know, but we didn't promise," Charlie insisted.

"So what's your idea then? " Coop asked.

"Have you ever heard of a man called Seth Adams?"

"Who hasn't? He's a legend!"

"Major Adams saved Bill's life during a battle and then Bill and I helped the Major walk again." Charlie smiled in remembrance.

"What's that to do with Bill and Barney?" Coop frowned in confusion.

"Well, " Charlie sat down next to Coop and leaned in closer," If I were to write the Major, he'd come and help Bill. Maybe he could hire Barney. Then we'd know where he was and that he was safe."

"Why would he drop everything and travel to a wagon train?"

"Cause, Bill is as close to being his son as Barney is to Bill."

Coop took a deep breath. Bill needed to talk to someone, that was for sure. And knowing where Barney was would ease everyone's conscience.

"Write your letter, Charlie," was all he said.

One early morning, several weeks later, Coop saw a lone wagon lumbering across the prairie. At first, he thought it was Barney driving a team, but the man was older.

"Can I help you?" Coop fingered his gun yet continued to act friendly.

"Yes, you can, the man's gruff voice answered. " I'm looking for a wagon train."

Coop leaned closer taking in the strong, muscle – packed chest and ramrod straight shoulders. "Chris Hale's wagon train, perhaps? "

The man stuck out his hand. " Yes," he replied, A smile playing around his lips. "And Bill Hawks and Charlie Wooster too," he added. " I'm Seth Adams."

Coop laughed and the tension eased. "Pleased to meet you, Major Adams. My name is Cooper Smith, Coop for short. I'm a scout for the train."

"Tell me, Coop, are you a good friend of Bill Hawks?"

"I am," verified Coop," and I know that Charlie wrote you about Bill and Barney."

"How far away are we from the train?"

"We'll get there by sundown, Major."

"Then we'll have plenty of time to talk about my two favorite people."

"How wide is the rift between Bill and Barney?" Seth asked as he carefully lowered himself down against a fallen tree by the side of the trail.

"As wide as you can imagine," Coop answered ruefully. " Barney never said 'goodbye' directly to Bill so we're not sure exactly when he left. During the last conversation I had with Barney, he told me that he was going to deliver Becky Sue and her family to Denver, turn around and head back to catch up with us and then go find a job. He didn't think he could stay with the train any longer and he was sure not going to be part of Bill's wedding."

"Exactly what is the nature of their relationship Coop?"

Coop closed his eyes for a minute to gather his thoughts. " Bill adopted Barney a couple of years ago. He's his son in all the ways that matter. They are very close. Barney grew up on a small farm in Virginia with his grandmother. Although he went to school, he had no close friends. His mother died not long after he was born and he never knew his father. Although he's 17, he hasn't had many life experiences to prepare him for dealing with situations like this one. He relies on Bill to teach him which is how this problem came to be. Bill fell for Rebecca hard and temporally forgot Barney and Barney was jealous of all the time that Bill spent with Rebecca. Added to that was the one thing that Bill neglected to do."

Coop twisted his knife around and around. He wasn't sure what he should share with this perfect stranger.

"One of the things that they pledged to do was to maintain Father -Son Sundays." Coop saw the question mark in the Majors eyes and hastened to explain.

"They are both so busy during the week that except for supper time, they hardly see each other. The only day that they both have off from chores is Sunday. So they spend the entire day together. Sometimes they go fishing or riding together. They learn from each other and their bond grows. Anyway, when Bill started falling for Rebecca, he forgot Sundays and started spending all of his time with her offering no explanation to Barney!"

"Jealousy reared its ugly head?"

"Not of Rebecca, of the time he didn't spend with him."

"Ah, that explains a lot."

Chapter 8 ~ A conversation

"So, other than my hiring Barney for the winter, what else has Charlie thought of?"

Coop had tied his horse up to the wagon and was currently sitting on the wagon bench driving the horses. He glanced at the Major. He was certainly living up to his reputation. He was thoughtful and honest and was as Bill said 'a natural born leader'.

"Bill is a smart man and will see through any scheme we come with so we gotta get him away from the wagon train before Barney comes back. That way, it'll look natural when you offer him a job. "

Seth nodded. "Then what?" he probed.

"Both Charlie and I feel that all we need to do is get Barney to talk to Bill,; tell him how he feels. Right now, he's probably seething but in a few months, he'll be missing Bill. He already wrote him a letter, which Bill read. But maybe if we put Barney in a situation where he thinks Bill is not there, he will open up."

Seth mulled over Coop's suggestions. 'It might just work,' he thought, 'with a little tweaking.'

When Seth and Coop reached the train several days later, a highly excited Charlie Wooster could hardly contain himself. He paid particular attention to his baking and coffee making and when the Major proclaimed the meal delicious, Charlie was in heaven. Bill, on the other hand, was subdued and answered questions only when they were directed towards him. Although, Coop kept trying to engage Bill in talking about the war, he steadfastly turned the subject. Finally, after Charlie left to wash up and Coop and Chris walked away, Seth quietly asked Bill what was wrong.

"I wish everyone would stop asking me what was wrong! " Bill growled at his friend and mentor. As he uttered the spiteful words, he suddenly had a change of heart. "Major, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's not your fault. You don't know what has been going on," Bill moaned.

"Why don't you tell me then? It might help."

Bill led Seth to his wagon and they climbed inside. After they settled, Bill sighed, " Where do I begin? "

"How about the beginning, Bill? Who is this Barnaby West that Coop and Charlie think so much about?"

Bill spent the next few minutes telling Seth the story of Barnaby West. How they met, what they all thought about him and how he finally discovered the truth. It was during the telling of his confrontation with Barnaby Senior, that he broke down. His emotions, long held deep inside spilled out and Seth saw a broken man desperately trying to come to grips with his actions.

"He means that much to you?" Seth asked gently.

Bill wiped his eyes with his sleeve. " He's my son. He may be 17, but he's not wise in the matters of the world like most boys his age. Most boys, when faced with danger, either fight or flee. Some of them use a gun, but I'm not ready to let him wear a pistol, at least not yet. He knows how to use a rifle. Barney tends to let matters build up until they get too much for him then instead of lashing out or hitting someone, he cries."

Seth gasped in surprise. 'Had he really said that he cried?'

Bill smiled ruefully, " yeah, you heard me right, Major. He cries. It was natural to cry when his dog died and it was natural for him to be upset when we said 'goodbye' but when we reached the river boat and he broke down, I can't tell you how honored I felt." Bill's eyes were shining with unshed tears and something else that Seth could only guess at.

"His shoulders started shaking and I led him to a secluded spot on the upper deck. His head fell onto my shoulder and he cried into my shirt. I just held him and soothed him and presently he got a hold of himself. I gave him my canteen and a rag to clean himself up with and we went down the steps to join Chris and the others. I think he was beginning to feel embarrassed at his appearance but I just told him I loved him and called him 'son' and kissed his forehead. When we approached the rest of the group, all I said was that ' it had been a day." Bill paused and then miserably added, "I am so worried about him. "

"Bill, do you trust me?"

"Of course," Bill answered right away.

Seth smiled. "I have an idea. He glanced over at Bill. " It's going to take some work though. "

"I'm willing and able to do anything to mend this rift, Major."

"Alright, here's what I think should happen. First, I want you to go to my friend's ranch. His name is Tom Carlson and his spread is slightly smaller than mine. I'll write you a letter of introduction. He lives about 30 miles from me in a town called Golden City. Now, while you're working there don't go into town. We don't want Barney to know where you are. Stay there until I write or telegraph you.

Now, while you're working for Tom, I'll have Barney working for me. I'm also going to see if Chris can spare Coop after you get everyone to Sacramento. If, as you say, Barney holds everything inside of himself, then right now he probably is seething but in a month or so, he should be missing you. Maybe by then, he'll be trusting me enough so that I can get him to talk."

Chapter 9 ~ Major Adam's Letter

"It's alright, Barney, you're safe now. No one can hurt you!"

"Mr. Hawks, you have to stop him from thrashing so much. The fever will rise. We can't treat his wounds until the fever goes down."

"I'm trying my best, Doctor," Bill shouted. Barney, his chest covered with bandages was lying on the doctor's bed obviously in a lot of pain. Lost in a fever dream, his head moving back and forth…

Behind Bill, somewhere in the darkness, a voice started calling his name. The man's voice grew louder and louder until Bill was yanked unceremoniously awake. He blinked several times, each blink erasing a part of the dream, until there was nothing in front of him except a concerned Tom Carlson.

"That must have been some dream!" Tom handed Bill a glass of cool water.

Bill rubbed his hands across his face and then accepted the glass. "It wasn't a dream, Tom, it really happened. I was just reliving it."

"Well, maybe this will cheer you up," he handed Bill a letter. " If it's what I think it is, I'm just going to say thank you for all your help."

Bill smiled for the first time in a long time as he recognized the neat handwriting of his old friend.

"Dear Bill,

I have gone on a lot of journeys in my life but none of them were as challenging as this one. When Barney and I left the wagon train, he was very quiet. He answered questions but did not share much about his life or about you. I expected that anyway. After we reached my ranch and he settled in, he picked up right away what I needed done and did it. My foreman told me that I had hired a loner. It began to feel that way. I left him alone for a couple of weeks and then slowly began to talk about you and Charlie and the war. He was polite but never had any questions or wished to continue the conversation.

Things improved somewhat when Coop came. The two of them worked well together and Coop tried to get Barney to open up to no avail.

Everything changed yesterday. We had discovered a large dog that was preying on our chickens and had got into the cow pen. Will Dawson, one of the men, grabbed a rifle and shot the dog. Unfortunately, the incident happened right in front of Barney. He got so angry at Will. He was shouting something about giving the dog a second chance; that all he probably needed was training. If he had been wearing a gun I'm afraid of what could have happened.

One of the things that Coop heard him say, was that you were the only one who had understood about Rusty and if you had been there then the shooting would not have happened. He also told Coop that he had tried to run away from the pain of losing you but the pain kept coming back. He needs you.

I am sending Coop to you. The two of you should make the trip in a day or so. Once here, you'll need to stay out of sight until I can get Barney into the house and away from windows. Coop will explain further.

Safe travels,

Maj. S. Adams, USA retired"

Chapter10 ~ Barney's POV – Fragments of my heart

'Why can't I stop crying? It's like Rusty all over again. Those lost and lonely days keep following me. I don't know if I can go on. Everything is boiling over inside of me, like one of Charlie's stews. Pieces of my heart are flying so fast and so far away that I can't catch them.

I want to punch someone. But I can't do that. Major Adams has been so kind to me. The only reason I got this job was because of his friendship with Charlie and Bill. I can't shoot or punch a wall either because I need this job. I guess Bill was right in not letting me have a gun.

At first I thought I could just forget him but I can't. Memories of our conversations, times when he was being so loving, even times when he was reluctantly punishing me, come to me at the oddest times. Of all the men in the world, he was the only one who understood me. God, I miss his hand on my shoulder, his voice in my ear and his nearness.

Is it normal for a boy like me to love his father this much? Maybe because we found each other when I was older. I don't know and I don't have the strength to figure it out now.

I'm so tired of all of this. I'd give anything for this to be a bad dream. I'm not jealous of Rebecca anymore, well not really. I still don't like her. She lied about Bill. If only I had pushed past her. Bill would have listened, I'm sure of it. But she kept us apart. All I wanted was for him to share Sundays with me. Just one day. One fragment of my heart.

By now he's probably married. I wonder where they settled down? I remember Rebecca telling me that she would love to go back to Boston. I can't help but wonder what Bill is doing now. Does he like living in a city? Is he a clerk in a store? Is there a baby on the way?

Sometimes I try and imagine my walking to Boston. I'd have to wait until spring. He wouldn't be hard to find. What would we say to each other? Would she even let us see each other?

I should have tried harder to see Bill. The writer of that book I read on my way west called it "storming the gates." If only I had waited after I wrote that letter! I never gave Bill the chance to explain himself. I never even asked him to forgive me.

I gotta stop biting my lip. It hurts.

It wouldn't be the first time that we forgave each other. My prank could have cost me my leg. Bill couldn't get me to behave. I guess I really was out of control. All the while I was feeling sorry for myself and lashing out at him, he was lashing himself and drinking himself into a stupor almost killing some of the passengers. To this day I don't know what he meant about a flower on a dead tree but I remember the feeling when he asked the entire train of passengers to watch him get punished and then forgive him.

I couldn't, no make that wouldn't, whip him, even when he said it was an order. All I could see was his love and sorrow mixed up on his face and the feel of his arms around me afterwards. The avalanche had broken over us and we still were standing together afterwards. But now? How can I fix us? How can I knit us back together? I need him so much.

I need a new pillow. This one is all wet.'

Chapter 11~ How to stop an avalanche

"How is he doing?"

Coop Smith grinned widely. "I knew that would be your first question! "

"Well have you got an answer? " challenged Bill Hawks.

The two men were saddling up and getting ready to leave the Carlson ranch.

"According to the Major, when he first got there, he was real quiet, so quiet that the ranch hands thought he was a loner. When I got there it took awhile but little by little he opened up. He told me he kept remembering you, things you two had talked about. Sometimes he could almost feel your arm around his shoulders. He's not angry or jealous anymore. He doesn't wish you or Rebecca any harm. He broke up with Becky Sue. There were a lot of tears and begging on her part, but in the end he knew he didn't love her."

Awhile later, as they rode along, they began to work out the battle plan that the Major suggested.

"See the way I figure it, Barney has a lot to say," Coop told Bill. " He's trying to convince himself that the situation doesn't matter any more but the truth is, it's eating him up alive. Both of you are to blame for the ways things came to be and Barney can't talk to you, at least he doesn't think he can. He's remembering and that's good, but he seems to think that he's to blame for the way your family bond ended."

"He's agonizing over the loss. He stares off into space, he hardly eats, sometimes he throws himself into work, other times he mopes. He's all over the place. He feels safe at the ranch. I think, if we can really get him caught up in his feelings he'll cry his heart out on your shoulder. I'm not sure if you can understand, but maybe if Barney talks out his anger, hopelessness, fear, maybe he will see how he has people who care about him, especially you."

Bill gasped and then leaned forward. "Go on," he said.

"I don't know about you, but sometimes when I look back on my life, I see pain, mistakes and heart aches. I don't want that for him. I know you don't either. So we get him to talk and when the time is right have him fall into the family love he craves."

"And just how do we go about that?" Bill moaned. He wished it wasn't so darn hard.

"First we have to get him into the barn. That's probably the easiest part of all this."

"Then what?" Bill frowned. "Barney is smart. He might sense a trap of some sort."

"Hey, he's been there a few weeks now. He knows that the Major and I care about him."

"Okay, " Bill shrugged.

"Then I suggest to him that maybe the reason why he's stuck is because he can't talk to you. I suggest that he pretend that you are standing right in front of him."

"How is this going to work, exactly? " Bill asked.

"I tell Barney that the Major is almost as tall as you and he's got these great shoulders to lean against and I tell him to close his eyes and imagine that the man standing at the barn's entrance is you. Keeping his eyes closed, he tells you what he's feeling. What he's mad about, how he misses you. Then when he's done, I tell him to keep his eyes closed and you/the Major will hug him."

Silence followed Coop's explanation for several minutes.

"Where am I supposed to be during all this revelation? " Bill asked.

"Probably outside the barn."

"Alright, let's do it." Bill sighed.

When they reached the Major s ranch, Bill hid in a back room of the bunk house and Coop checked in with Seth. They decided to enact the confrontation the next morning.

"Barney, can you come out to the barn? The Major needs to see you." Coop poked his head inside the ranch house the next morning. Barney had been sitting by the fireplace twisting a piece of rope. From the slope of his shoulders, Coop could tell that the young man was lost in his head. For a long minute, Barney did nothing but he finally dragged himself out of the chair and joined Coop on the porch.

"What's going on?" His own voice startled him. He blinked several times. The summer sun was high in the sky but it was blinding him. Despite the kindness of the Major, he felt like an outsider. Why did he care so much?

"You need to get out more," Coop glanced at Barney, " or get some sleep, I'm not sure which."

They walked side by side and Coop stepped aside to allow Barney to enter the cool dark space first. The odor of horse flesh greeted him and Barney suddenly had a vision of racing his horse down a trail, leaving a laughing Bill Hawks in his dust. He pushed the vision down deep.

"What can I do for you, Sir?" Barney mumbled.

"Well, Barney, it's not what you can do, necessarily, it's what we'd like to do for you." Seth ran a hand behind his neck. For the first time in a long time, he was nervous. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bill creep towards the barn door. His steps were silent whispers against the yard dust.

"Since you've been here, my ranch hands and I, and I know Coop as well, have tried to make your stay as peaceful as possible. Although you told us a bit of what happened, we have never pushed for more details because we respect your need for privacy. But it's been several weeks now, well over a month, and we both feel that you might need to talk some about how you're feeling and what you are going to do when you leave."

" Do you want me to leave?" he gulped.

"Absolutely not!"

"We just want to help stem the avalanche from sweeping you up."

Chapter 12 ~ A start

Barney looked at both men with a mixture of surprise and dismay. He appreciated their attempts to help but he felt that he was beyond help. He was destined to walk alone. He had been blessed to have a family of sorts for a little awhile and he was grateful. But Bill had decided to go in a different direction and he was too young to make him change his mind. Rebecca had won his father's heart and he had lost the one part that tied him to a happy life.

"Barney, I've lived a hard life," Coop began. "By the time I was your age, I'd been a rancher and a soldier. I also spent time in a prison camp because I was fighting on the wrong side. I ended up becoming a scout, working for Chris Hale. Sometimes, late at night, I think back at all the pain and loss and mistakes and I am in despair of ever becoming a good man. But then, in the morning, when I'm shaving, I see a man who is living each day the best he can. I see strength and perseverance and kindness. Most of all I see a good man. I know that's what Bill sees for your future. " Coop's voice started penetrating through the fog of Barney's world.

He stood wavering, lost in thought. Coop was sincere and meant well. Perhaps there was a way out of the quagmire he was in. He was so tired of wanting what had been denied and there was always a nagging thought that somehow a way could be found to reach through the curtain of despair and find Bill on the other side.

Seth saw the way Coop's words affected Barney. He decided to penetrate the resistance in one more example.

"Barney, have you ever seen a tall tree whose branches have been bent or broken after a storm? The tree still stands proudly reaching for the blue flannel sky, never giving up, always striving to be the best tree in the forest. Now, from what I know about Bill and what I've learned about you, I can imagine the two of you to be that tree. Some of the things that happened to you were not your fault. They just happened. You and Bill deserve to stand together, riding through storms and becoming the family I will be proud to know."

Barney listened politely to both men talk about experience and then somehow got caught up in the onslaught of Coop's emotions. He too had felt desperate, angry, fearful. Even though friends were around him, he had felt terribly alone. Perhaps they could help after all. He sighed heavily. He was so tired of the ache that never went away. The ache of loss kept growing and he thought that even if he were to ride to the ends of the earth, the ache would follow him.

"What do you suggest I do?" he finally asked Coop.

"Well, we know you wrote a letter so writing another one is not the way to go. We think that if you were to pretend that the Major was Bill and you talked to him that you could say all you needed to, get the anger and the fear and the loss out of yourself then you could move on. The trick is to keep your eyes shut. "

Barney bit his lip and looked up at the well-meaning scout and his friend. It could work. The major was tall, like Bill. He had ash grey hair, but that didn't really matter and he had kind eyes. He shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Alright, Major, you stand over here," Coop moved Seth in front of Barney. His body blocked the sun and the front of the barn. "Barney, you stand here," he moved Barney to arms length in front of the Major.

"Now, Barney you need to know two things about the Major. He's a bit taller than Bill and he's got great shoulders to lean against. Your heart is safe with both of us 'cause your secrets will stay in this barn," he added gently.

"Alright, how do I start?' Barney stammered.

"Close your eyes and talk to the Major, er, Bill. I'll guide you if you get stuck but the Major er, Bill won't say a word. When your done, you'll get a hug."

Barney shrugged again and closed his eyes in complete trust.

"Tell Bill about the letter," Coop spoke softly.

"Bill, " Barney began speaking, his voice wavering, His voice sounded foreign in his ears. "I wrote the letter so you'd know why I left the wagon train. Although you didn't tell me when you left to be with Rebecca, I knew you'd be back. I wasn't planning on returning, so I wrote you. I was mad at her because she treated me like a little boy and was always insisting that I should be placed with a family and in school as if someone was going to magically appear. She didn't seem to care that you had adopted me. Unless, you never told her or you regretted adopting me." He choked down a sob.

"I wasn't jealous of her, well not really. I was jealous of the time you spent with her." Barney's voice grew louder. " Sundays were our family days. I needed you and you weren't there. I looked forward to those days all week. It wasn't about fishing or riding or even hunting, it was learning from you; it was hearing about your life and dreams and hopes; it was sharing my life with you.

Do you remember we were supposed to have a conversation about loving and you told me that it was a conversation fathers had with their sons. You said that if I had questions, you'd rather I just talk to you because everyone had their own experiences and you didn't want me to get confused. Well, you weren't there when Becky Sue wanted me to go off into the woods or stay overnight in town and share our love, she called it." Barney stopped and stamped his foot in anger.

"I respect and like Mr. Chris but I didn't feel right about talking to him. Charlie is sorta my uncle, so I couldn't talk to him either. Where were you?" Barney began to cry. He angrily wiped the tears from his cheeks but kept his eyes closed.

Bill, standing near the barn's entrance heard every agonizing word and started forward. He was held back by Coop's stare from across the space.

"He's just getting started," Coop mouthed.

Chapter 13 ~ Barnaby opens up

Coop sensed that Barney had more to say but might be stuck, so he walked over to him and whispered, " tell Bill how you waited for him and how it made you feel when he didn't show up or apologize later."

"Bill, the first time you didn't come I waited for an hour. Coop and Charlie tried to make me feel better. They thought maybe you had too much to drink or over slept but the next day you went out of your way to avoid me. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? " Barney was getting angrier by the second. His struggle to keep his voice even was getting harder. "Yes, we both were busy all week but you could have just come by and talked during supper but you didn't come to the supply wagon. Charlie was kinda put out that he hadn't seen you all day. I looked for you everywhere. Mrs. Reynolds said she hadn't seen you. She lied, didn't she?" He had never felt so humiliated in all his life.

"Anyway, I thought, well maybe there's a reason and you'd talk to me the next Sunday. So, I went to the Service, changed my clothes and waited by the wagon again. Imagine my surprise when I found out that my father had ridden away the night before and had not returned! I knew then that you didn't care about me anymore. Did you adopt me because it looked good to everyone? Was it a feather in you cap? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was in front of Mr. Chris and Coop and Charlie?" Barney was openly crying now, but he was afraid if he didn't say it all now he never would again. His world was crumbling around his feet but he had to continue.

"I was originally going to propose to Becky Sue even though I didn't love her just to show you up. But even as I thought about it, I knew the marriage would not work. She wanted a man to do her bidding. She wanted me to work in a store and have lots of babies. I would never be working on a Wagon Train again. I would miss Mr. Chris and Coop and Charlie. You weren't part of my life anymore. You threw me away." He was sobbing now but as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, he remembered one more thing.

"Do you remember when I told you that Barnaby West Senior didn't want me. That he was just going to take me in because it was the right thing do, like it was his duty. Do you have any Idea how it feels to know that your name is not your own. That bratty, spoiled boy is also Barnaby West, Jr. My birth father didn't want me in his life. He threw me away. Just like you did! " He rembered how alone he had felt.

Beyond the Major and Coop, Bill stood in the darkness, He shuddered. He could not see Barney's face but he heard every word. He had failed his son and he had, indeed, like Coop said, pushed Barnaby away. His own tears slid down his cheeks as his heart broke for his boy.

" I was alone again. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. I thought that it wouldn't matter, that I could forget you. I was wrong. You see, you're now a part of me." Barney paused, clasping his hands together. "But I'm not enough for you," he continued brokenly, "If Rebecca makes you happy then I won't stand in your way. You deserve to be happy, to have someone love you, support you and have your children. I just wanted Sundays, A little part of your heart. You might think it was because I was here first, but that's not the case. I just wanted my father. I just wanted to learn from you. I just wanted to know you better. I wanted to feel your hand on my shoulder when you were proud of me or you supported my decision about something and God-Help-Me, I still want your arms around me. I will always remember you," he paused and for the final time spoke the words that he never, in a million years thought he'd ever say, "Goodbye."

Barney bit his lip hard, trying without success to control himself. Life, as he knew it, was over. The invisible cloak he'd worn all those years before was torn and tattered. His heart was thumbing so loudly he was sure that they could hear it. He wrapped his arms around himself, wishing without hope, that Bill was really there in the barn. The finality of his last 'goodbye' tore through him.

Seth stood still in shock and then walked quickly towards Barney and slid his hands over his arms. But just as he was about to pull him close, Bill appeared at his side. Barney felt someone else gently sweep his hair off his forehead and wipe his face and eyes with a cool cloth. Barney could hardly breathe. He was shaking so hard he thought his legs were going to give out. Seth quickly released his hold on the weeping boy and stepped aside.

Barney felt himself being pulled forward into the new man and he stiffened in surprise, but before he could pull himself away, Bill spoke, his voice gruff with tears of his own, " I love you, son," and Barney broke down, crying into his shirt.

It was some time before either spoke. When Bill felt Barney's trembling shoulders sag against his shoulder, he gently guided his son to the nearest bale of hay. They were utterly alone. Barney huddled against Bill, trying to stifle the tears that coursed down his cheeks. He felt boneless. As he struggled to comprehend what had happened, he felt Bill's loving arms tighten. He looked up. Bill's eyes were focused on him and he shook his head.

"We both got caught in an avalanche didn't we?" Bill managed to croak. His resolve shattered with the enormity of what could have happened. "I almost lost you forever, " he looked deeply into Barney's tear- filled eyes.

"I was so hurt and angry and,"

"Lost." Bill supplied the unspoken word.

They sat quietly for a long time. Bill could smell wood smoke wafting through the barn. Barney slowly and with great care straightened his shoulders.

" Bill, " he looked up into his father's eyes and for the first time in a long time saw his father's heart in them. " Do you suppose that when I let go of all that anger and fear and all those feelings, that room was made in my heart for new feelings? I can remember how you talked to me when we first met and how you helped me bury Rusty and how I felt when you told me you were proud of me."

Bill smiled," I think that whatever just happened was a gift we were meant to share. We almost lost each other. I don't ever want to feel that way again. You mean too much to me. You said that I was part of you, well, son, You're a part of me too. We need each other. When the time comes for you to leave the nest, I'm going to be sure that you're leaving for the right reason. All those feelings of anger couldn't exist with the feelings of your heart. We're leaving our secrets in this barn and walking towards a new life with trust and love."

Chapter 11~ A new life

"Barney, are you ready?" Coop yelled as he poked his head into the wagon.

"Yup, I am." Barney slapped his hat on and met Coop as he was just about to enter.

"You missed a spot," Coop drawled, gesturing at Barney's face.

"What? Oh, no!" Barney grabbed for the mirror and hastily examined his face. 'He had been very careful shaving this morning,' he thought.

"Relax, Barney, He's only teasing you," Bill laughingly said, as he hauled Coop out of the wagon. " For goodness sake! He's nervous enough as it is," he hissed.

Barney, relieved that his appearance was up to his father's standards, just shook his head at his fellow scout. The three made their way to Mr. Chris's wagon for the opening passenger meeting. Chris Hale, dressed in his traditional dark suit and brocade vest, stood ramrod straight and surveyed the large group of new passengers, 100 to be exact. He hoped that they each would do their part and help each other. He prayed that the single women would not set their caps at Barney or Bill this time. They'd had enough trouble the year before.

Finally, all of the passengers were assembled. Charlie rang a bell and they all quieted down. "Ladies and Gentlemen, " Chris began.

Barney listened intently as Mr. Chris introduced his co-workers and explained their responsibilities. He intentionally left Barney for last. "And last, but not least, I want to introduce you to our second scout, Barnaby Hawks. He prefers that you call him Barney." Chris smiled at Barney and gestured to him to come closer. Barney stood next to Bill. He was nervous but would never own to it.

"Barney joined our train a couple, three years ago. He had been walking his way west from Virginia. Along the way, he made friends with Bill Hawks and Bill later adopted him. Barney looks younger than he is and he is our second scout. If he respectfully tells you that your water barrel needs to be lashed on tighter, listen to him. He's driven wagons, cooked meals for Charlie and will be conducting a mandatory meeting about Indians tomorrow night after supper. Least you think you'll disregard the meeting, please consider otherwise. Barney was captured by Indians last year and held by them for almost three months. He will speak to you all about his experiences and how to survive capture and how to escape."

After the meeting broke up, Chris instructed Coop to check on the last wagon and make sure that the driver knew to keep close to the wagon in front of him. Charlie had to wash dishes and Bill had to check the horses. Bill watched as the young girls looked adoringly at his son.

"This ought to be interesting," he chuckled as he swayed back on his heels and wrapped his arms across his chest.

Chris glanced up at his assistant. " Anything I should be concerned about?" he asked quietly.

Bill shook his head and continued to watch the scenario playing out in front of them. He usually did everything Chris wanted immediately, but he wanted, no make that needed, to see what would happen. Just as Barney was about to leave, a swarm of young ladies surrounded him. One of the young ladies pushed her way forward.

"Mr. Hawks," she hesitated, "do you give private lessons about the Indians? "

Barney gulped. 'Here we go again!' he thought to himself. Aloud he asked " Miss, er, what's your name?"

"Oh, I'm Molly Johnson," she said as she twirled a lock of hair with her fingers." Maybe you could come to supper on Sunday and we'll talk about it."

"Well, Miss Johnson, first of all, Mr. Hawks is my father. I'm Barney. Secondly, I don't conduct private lessons. Now if there's something you or your family needs help with, you can ask Mr. Chris. He's the Wagon Master, you know." He turned and started to walk away. He caught Bill's eye and gave him a small head nod. " Oh, and one last thing. Sundays I spend time with my father. No exceptions!" He added firmly.

Neither noticed the woman standing by her wagon listening to the conversation. 'He's too young to be a scout,' she thought contemptuously. ' I bet that's not even his father!'

Chris Hale overheard the conversation and saw the woman by the wagon. " Bill, you need to keep an eye on that Molly Johnson, " he said warningly.

"Don't worry, Chris. Barney and I had several conversations about women and their wiles. He's not going to make the same mistakes he made last year."

"Let's hope not!" Both men grinned and then Chris added " while you're at it, there's a woman in blue whose been giving you the evil eye. We don't know what she's up to."

"There's always something, Chris. Everyone has a reason for going west. All we have to do is help them get there and by golly, we're the team to do just that!"

Author's Note:

Thank you so much for reading my story! It was originally a crossover between Laramie and Wagon Train but after careful consideration and much soul-searching, I changed it around. I hope you like the new version.

MS