Blood seeped through Dojima's clothes.
He clutched his wound as he stumbled away from danger. The darkness worked to his favor, hiding it from the sight of the hunter. But at the same time it made it very difficult for him to leave as quickly as he would have wanted.
Holding his gun in one hand, he kneeled behind a piece of furniture covered by a dust-laden sheet. If the blood loss didn't kill him, maybe an infection would.
He strained his ears but he couldn't hear any sound. He knew he wasn't safe yet. He was just being toyed with. Dojima wasn't a greenhorn. He had served in the JSDF and dealt with some of the worst people his country had to offer as a police officer.
However, all his experience amounted to in the Moonlit World, was to inform him how hopelessly outmatched he was. That didn't even count as a small comfort. All he could do was run.
Actually, he couldn't even do that. He had lost his only source of light and was stumbling about in almost near darkness. Until his eyes adjusted he couldn't tell where the exit was, and he could almost feel his would-be killer breath down on his neck.
"There is no need to hide, officer," said the voice from somewhere in the direction he had come from. It was calm and collected, with just the barest hint of amusement.
Dojima didn't answer. Instead he checked his revolver. He still had three bullets left in the cylinder. And then there was the other weapon in his coat, but that was his one and only ace. The moment he showed it, it would have to be for maximum effect.But right now, he didn't even know if he'd have the chance to use it.
"Perhaps I should have been more precise."
There was a pause, and a slight creaking of wood. The next words came from the opposite direction and much closer than Dojima would have liked.
"There is nowhere you can hide."
Dojima turned and fired his gun. He missed his target but the sudden flash gave him a glimpse of his enemy just before a sword went though his arm and nailed him to the piece of furniture that he was using as cover.
"Gahh!"
His gun clattered to the ground while his good hand tried to pry the blade from inside his body. It wouldn't budge. Now trapped and disarmed, he was absolutely no threat at all to his hunter who calmly stepped close.
Now standing above him, Dojima could see the face of his killer even with the faint light.
"Ko...Kotomine."
The priest inclined his head, as if to acknowledge his own name. With a faint, mocking smile on his face. There was no hesitation or remorse for what he was doing to be found on his face.
The priest pulled out another sword from seemingly nowhere. Dojima tried to reach within his coat, but the thing he was looking for was pinned beneath his own body. Kotomine raised his sword, and all that Dojima could do was close his eyes shut.
[br]
Earlier that day.
Shirou returned to the waking world feeling strangely heavy. Waking up had never been a problem for him, but this time his consciousness was dragging itself out of some kind of sludge.
He forced his eyes to open and he was temporarily blinded by the light.
"Hmm," he moaned, shielding his face with one hand. "What the... what time is it?"
He pulled himself up to a seating position while his eyes slowly adjusted. With his other hand, he patted his surroundings searching from the alarm clock he usually kept next to his bed. Three times he found only the rough surface of the tatami until it landed on something soft and warm.
Not understanding what it was he ran his fingers along its surface, giving it a squeeze for good measure. Then he heard a sigh, just as his sight came into focus.
"I didn't know you were this bold in the morning, Master."
Rider was staring at him with a bemused look on her face. She was sitting seiza at the side of his futon with a book in her hand. Shirou's hand was on the exposed skin of her thighs. Very high on her thighs, having almost reached a forbidden place.
"Should I summon Caster to attend your needs?" she asked, then paused. "Or are you asking me to take care of them?"
Once upon a time, Shirou would have pulled his hand away so fast it would have shattered the sound barrier. However, he had just woken up.
He left his hand right where it was, staring Rider squarely in the eyes.
His conscious mind wasn't all there yet. Half of it was still dragging itself from the dream he was just done having. He couldn't recall it in perfect detail, but Rider starred prominently in it. His chest was laden with heat and it was directed at her.
She blinked. His reaction wasn't what she expected. Her face slowly turned red, spreading from her cheeks as far to her ears. Clearly, she thought he was taking her proposition at face value and giving it a serious thought.
"Sh... Shirou?"
The hitch in her voice was sufficient to shake him. He looked down at his hand and then back up at her again. He held her gaze a little bit longer, then he finally retreated, getting up on his feet and walking out of the room with naught a word.
[br]
Rider remained seating in Shirou's room long after he had left. She didn't move from her spot. She wasn't sure she could move, even if she wanted. At present, she wasn't even breathing. The was a knot in her throat that made it impossible.
Something just happened, and she wasn't exactly sure what.
Shirou woke and accidentally touched in a place that one might consider very intimate. She thought to make light of the situation by teasing him.
It backfired.
She should have known better, really. To keep him sleeping longer than usual, she put his mind through some dreams. Most of them of the not innocent kind. Of course, the feelings she caused him to have were bound to linger for a while.
She had fanned the flames, and then she had stuck her hand into it.
That had been foolish, to say the least, and entirely her fault. But even though she should have expect it, she was shaken.
She had seen the look in Shirou's eyes before. She had seen it many times in the eyes of the men who came to the island looking for her sisters. It spoke of a primal hunger common to all beings.
She hated that look, even when it was directed at her before the degradation that caused her body grew out to grow started. Not once she liked it. She found it repulsive every single time.
Until now.
When Shirou looked at her that way, her heart skipped several beats and suddenly she didn't know what to do, what would happen or what she wanted to happen.
Then he took the decision out of her hands by getting up and leaving as if nothing had happened, abandoning Rider in a very confused emotional state.
It was only a little while later that she recalled she was supposed to protect him, and finally got out of the room to look for him.
[br]
Shiru walked to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Then he filled the sink with ice-cold water and promptly submerged his entire face in it. The surface bubbled violently as the water heated up from the contact with his burning skin, and turned to steam in the blink of an eye.
Even once the sink was empty Shirou still remained with his face resting at the bottom.
"What just happened?" he asked to the drain.
Obviously, touching Rider's legs had been an accident and she clearly knew it. Not only she wasn't upset about it, she saw it as a good opportunity to tease him and make him squirm. It wasn't much different than what she did at the store the previous day.
It was simply Rider's way of interacting with him. He didn't mind that.
It was her response to his reaction that troubled him. She wasn't expecting him to play her game, because he never did. However, Rider wasn't the sort of person that didn't know how to counter a counterattack, even verbally. She could have escalated or deescalated in any number of ways. Instead, she acted like a bashful maiden and that caught Shirou flat-footed.
At that point, he could only retreat because he had no idea what would have happened had stayed.
No, that wasn't it.
For all that Rider acted submissive to her Master, Shirou had had enough time to figure out that there was no way to make her do something she was firmly against short of using a Command Seal. She was the kind of person who had no issue slamming him into the floor face first during a spar, after all. She wasn't a delicate and defenseless flower by any stretch of the imagination.
She just went along with most stuff because she had no stakes in anything.
But back in his room she wasn't indifferent. And clearly she wasn't objecting either.
Previously, Caster had stressed to him several times that most of the women he was close to held varying degrees of affection and attraction for him, and to be perfectly honest the feeling was mutual.
This time it was no different.
Of course, he cared for Rider. She hadn't been a stranger in a long time, now. They had gotten very close in many different ways. And she was drop-dead gorgeous on top of that. He couldn't be indifferent to her if he tried.
He was already in a relationship and he wasn't interested in trading partners. Under ordinary circumstances, he would just distance himself from Rider, but that wasn't a possibility. Neither now or in the future.
He was her Master, and he would be until the day either one of them died. In light of this, what was he supposed to do?
Inevitably, his mind went back to Caster's offer. He was adamant against taking it. Mostly not because he considered himself a one woman kind of guy, though he was.
He already felt he didn't deserve that much happiness of being with Medea. Much less adding to that. He pulled himself up and stared at his reflection in the mirror.
How was he going to address this? There was no way he could pretend it wasn't happening.
Never in a million years he thought he'd be confronted with this type of decision. Yet here he was, wondering how long this situation could hold, and asking himself whether not making a choice at all would have a better or worse outcome.
Eventually, he decided, just standing around wasn't going to fix anything, and to be perfectly honest they really there were more pressing concerns at the moment.
He didn't even know what time it was at present. Late morning? Early afternoon? He walked out of the bathroom and made his way to the living room.
Of course, with his luck, he happened upon Rider coming from the other way. "Ma... Shirou... Master."
"Good morning Rider," he said. "Did you have breakfast yet?"
A stupid question. He knew she hadn't left his side but he wanted to steer the conversation away from what happened earlier.
"Ah. No, I haven't," she replied with a bit too much haste. Clearly, she wanted to put the incident behind them just as much as he did.
"I'll whip up something then. What about Illya?"
"She left a few hours ago. I didn't attempt to stop her." "Hmm. I see. Probably for the best."
Not like she could have even if she tried. Rider was no slouch, but they both knew she couldn't hold a candle against Greece's greatest hero.
"Any news about Tohsaka and Saber?" he asked stepping into the kitchen. Rider stopped in the living room and he could feel her eyes on his back.
"No word from Caster yet," she admitted, while he rummaged through the cupboards and fridge for something he could turn edible in a short time. "Do you... do you want me to help with that?"
"I'd appreciate it if you could set the table," he said without looking back.
His kitchen was a rather tiny space. He'd rather not be in her close proximity with her for a little while.
"Yes of course," she agreed.
He put together a few sandwiches with some leftovers. They would do for an improvised meal, although more than breakfast it was a late lunch, considering it was already well into the afternoon.
He had slept more than nine hours. That was a record for him. He must have been more exhausted than he knew.
He served the food and sat at the table. Rider did the same on the opposite side.
They ate so quietly that one could cut the silence with a knife as thick as it was. Whenever he looked up from his plate, he caught Rider looking away.
Was he supposed to apologize? He touched her accidentally but she teased him on purpose. He feared that if said sorry, she'd do the same, and then they would have to confront their feelings.
He couldn't do that right now.
"I'm going out later," he said instead. "Will you come with me?" "Of course. I'm supposed to protect you."
"I'll be counting on you then."
[br]
The problem with going out was that they only had one vehicle. The motorbike. As such, avoiding contact wouldn't be possible.
Shirou handed over the keys to Rider and climbed behind her. He was certain he wouldn't have been able to drive anywhere with her pressing her breasts into his back. So he let her do the honors, making sure to keep his hands in safe places.
"Where are we going?" she asked.
"The police station."
The ride was a short one. There wasn't much traffic and the bike could wave through it with ease, especially with Rider in control. They parked in an empty spot in front of the building.
"Wait here, please," he told her as he took off his helmet.
"I'm not sure that's wise. Are you certain?"
"Yes. It won't take more than a few minutes."
Rider didn't look like she agreed, but she wasn't about to object either. This was a police station after all. Even if there was someone ill-intended, they would not strike here.
Shirou went inside, feeling bad for leaving her behind. He wasn't trying to get away from her, but he couldn't have her hear this conversation.
He walked up to the person sitting at the reception.
"May I help you, sir?" he asked politely.
"I'm looking for Dojima-san. Could you please point me to his office?"
"Your name, please?"
"Emiya Shirou."
"Please, wait a second."
He picked up the phone and dialed a number.
"Dojima-san? There is one Emiya Shirou here wanting to see you. Yes, sir. Right away." He put down the phone.
"Please go on in, Emiya-san. Dojima-san's office is on the third floor."
He nodded and went for the elevator. A few moments later he was in front of his office. "Come in," Dojima said before he could even knock.
"Hello, Dojima-san," he greeted as he closed and locked the door behind himself.
"Hi, Shirou," he said, chugging down the last drop of coffee. Judging from the look of the paper cup and Dojima's face, both had been around that desk for quite some time.
"Did I come at a bad time?" he asked.
"No more than usual. A number of reports of weird sightings are suddenly being retracted by the people who made them citing drunkenness, lack of sleep, drugs abuse, and other random excuses. The higher-ups have instructed us to destroy all records and forget they ever existed. A truckload of paperwork that goes straight into the shredder."
"Sorry about that."
"It's what it is," he sighed. "At least I'm not wrecking my brain trying to figure out what the hell is going on. A few shady people came by and had a talk behind closed doors with anyone who pointed out the absurdity of it all, and they dropped the topic like it never happened. It was scary to watch."
He shook his head.
"So, let me guess. You need my help with something. Also, this is more important than usual, or your wouldn't have shown up in person. What's up?"
"I'm looking for someone. Remember that woman from the church you've met that one time at my place?"
"They white-haired nun? Caren... ahhh... Ortensia, was it? What's up with her?"
"She's in Fuyuki and I'm trying to locate her."
"Wait. Do you mean she's hiding? Why?"
"She's wanted by the Church. I'm not sure what really happened. I met her briefly last night and she saved my life, but she left before we could talk."
"Can't Caster find her with her hocus-pocus?"
"I can't explain, but I can't ask her to do this. She doesn't know about her. I need someone who's not involved."
"Hmm. I'm not sure hiding stuff from your girlfriend is wise. Especially to that woman. She's scary as heck."
"Yes, she is. Wait... since when do you know?"
"What do you mean, since when? The two of you were an item from the start. At least when I came into the picture. Even a blind man could see it. Don't tell me you didn't figure it out until later."
Shirou scrunched his face. Dojima barked out a laugh.
"Oh, that must have been an interesting conversation. Anyway, are you sure about this course of action?"
"Yeah. She knows I'm keeping a secret from her. She accepts that I have my reasons."
"Well, as long as she doesn't try to skin the knowledge out of me, I don't mind. Have you got a photo of that woman?"
"Yeah, actually."
The church had given him a folder with photos of all their field agents. It was necessary for them to recognize one another. Shirou took out the picture from his pocket and slid it over to him.
"Alright. This will do. How do you want me to handle this? Should I have her approached? Is she a threat?"
"No, I'm pretty sure you don't need to worry about her, but I don't want to scare her either. Just let me know if you find her. She should stand out quite a bit."
A white haired Italian nun was hard to miss even in a crowd. Even if she ditched the clothes, she was still a peculiar sight.
"Sure, I'll do that. By the way, how are things going out there?"
"... not well. We lost Tohsaka and Saber."
"What?" Dojima hissed.
"No, I don't mean they are dead. I mean we literally lost them. They disappeared. Caster is looking form them right now."
"And you don't think I should help with that instead?" He shook his head.
"We don't know what happened. If someone got the best of them they would make short work of you. No offense. And in case they are hiding themselves from us for some reason, they know we are working together, so they'll steer away from any police officer. I won't have you expend your resources for nothing when they can be better employed elsewhere."
Dojima drummed his fingers on the desk.
"I see what you mean, but I'm still going to have my people on the lookout for them. It costs nothing and we might just get lucky."
"Fair enough," Shirou agreed. "Any sightings of Kotomine?"
"Nothing substantial yet but it hasn't been that long. A fugitive could lay low for weeks if they were prepared in advance, and now that he's got a Servant he doesn't have to go out himself either, am I right?"
"Unfortunately," he confirmed.
A Master could easily see through the eyes of their Servant, and the Servant itself could move around in spiritual form. Kirei didn't have to make a move directly now that he had acquired Lancer.
Kirei would make a move personally only when he was certain of his victory, and not a moment sooner.
"Do you think he's behind their disappearance?"
"Honestly, I don't think so. We didn't find any trace of battle or residue of Magecraft. Kirei is a Magus and an Executor but not one that could pull the wool over Caster's eyes. I'm sure there is something else going on that we can't figure out. Caren might know something."
"She's involved with all of this?"
"She... she is a Master, actually" he confessed. "I haven't told this to anybody else so keep it to yourself as well. I don't know what's her Servant, or why she's running from the Church. I need answers and that's why I'm asking you to look for her, among other things."
"Are you sure she won't try to kill me?"
"Caren is a person who'd rather hurt herself than others. She won't try to hurt you even if you were a threat to her."
"So she's like you," he said with a nod. "Yeah, fine. I'll take care of this myself. I needed to do some legwork. If she has avoided getting here through legal means, the are only so many ways she could have done so. I'll check with my contacts in case someone has seen her. I'll get back to you within twenty-four hours either way it goes."
"Thank you. Without your help we wouldn't even know that Kirei has become a Master." "I'm sorry this is the extent of what I can do to help you guys."
"It's more than you think. Magecraft can't replace people, no matter how powerful it is. Knowing that we can rely on you for things like this means that we don't have to stretch ourself thin nowhere near as much."
"Hmm," Dojima acquiesced, not nearly as mollified as Shirou would have hoped.
He understood where the older man was coming from. They were both hands-on sort of people. They didn't like having to leave the heavy lifting to someone else, no matter how much sense it made.
They walked out of the office and the building together, where Dojima stopped in his track upon seeing Rider waiting by the bike.
"What in the hell? Is that..."
"Yes, that's Rider," Shirou replied.
"But she is..."
"I know. Please don't bring it up around her. It's a sore topic."
"Right," he shook his head. "Sometimes I still try to make sense of this stuff. Anyway, I'll catch you later. Leave this thing to me."
"I'm counting on you. Thank you, Dojima-san."
They went their separate ways. Dojima climbed into his car and left, while Shirou rejoined Rider.
"See? Still in one piece," he said jokingly.
"So I see. May I ask why you wanted to speak with that man in person?"
"No specific reason. Well, I'm always asking for his help, the least I can do is show my face around. It's not like he works for me. Also, it was on the way to our next destination."
"Oh, and where is that?"
"Would you like to come to the beach with me?"
Rider blinked. Clearly, she wasn't expecting that either. The day, it seemed, was full of surprises.
[br]
The prisoner sat in his cage, held by chains that as heavy as his many sins. Arms tied firmly behind his back, with his neck chained to the floor he couldn't even raise his head. He couldn't move a single inch. But he wouldn't have, even if he wasn't so restrained.
The one who put him inside this cage was none other than himself.
"Turn back now. There is still hope."
He was not alone. There was another person with him, standing just outside his cage. It was too dark to see her form. She was just an outline against the darkness. But even without seeing her, he recognized her.
"'If you repent, you can still be saved."
He could not recall her name any more than he could recall his own. Even her face wouldn't come to mind, or the tone of her voice. It was already more than enough that he knew it was a woman. She was no mere acquaintance.
She knew the depth of his sins better than any other than himself. And even so, she offered him salvation.
"I don't need your compassion, nor I deserve your forgiveness."
"Everyone deserves forgiveness if they wish for it."
"I don't want forgiveness. I chose this."
"That's hell you are walking into."
"I have no regrets. This is the only path."
For a moment, neither one said anything. Both of them knew what would come next.
"Then... embrace your ideals and die."
[br]
Caren's eyes opened to near complete darkness. For a moment, she thought she was still inside that cage. However, her current accommodations were of a different sort if just as depressing.
The dream cycle was unpleasant. Particularly because it was always the same dream every night. There was no variation. Sometimes it had more details, sometimes it had fewer. but the setting was always the same.
She understood it was the only memory the servant had left of his life. Everything else had been chipped away. There was no way to determine who he had been, for if the information wasn't in the Throne of Heroes, a place removed from time, it didn't exist anywhere else.
How did she come to summon such a Servant?
An irregular Heroic Spirit whose existence had been scrubbed almost completely even from the eternal Throne.
She wasn't a Magus, but she understood enough of the summoning system to know that there were only two ways to get a Servant. Either provide a suitable catalyst or one suitable to the summoner would be called forth by the Grail.
Caren didn't present any catalyst, so how could it be that this soul, forgotten by all, would be matched to her? She did not believe in coincidences. Everything was the will of the Lord.
Surely, this was a test meant for her but she couldn't understand its nature At first, she believed she would have to resist the temptations of this dark spirit, but with the passing of the days, she figured that it couldn't be the case.
There was no arrogance, resentment or pride to be found within him. And she couldn't blame his lack of memories for it either. He oozed sin, to the point that Caren felt nauseous whenever he materialized in close proximity. A person who had lost every recollection of his own self and was steeped in evil would inevitably come to embody it.
Instead, she felt that at his core there was a gentle soul. Gentler than even the demons she often confronted. She wondered whether it was not him that had a purpose in her, or the other way around.
Was she meant to save him? If so, she was woefully unprepared.
The Lord provided his herd with what it needed, but answers were few and far between. Such was the nature of faith, and one could only accept it.
She swung her legs off got up from her bed if one could call it such. It was an filthy and tattered mattress that she had found there. She glanced through the wooden bars that covered most of the window.
Her hideout was an old, condemned house not too far away from the harbor. It wasn't exactly a prime area, so no one was in any hurry to demolish it and build something new in its place. Real estate limbo, in a manner of speaking.
That suited her just fine.
She wouldn't accidentally stumble upon the owners anytime soon. However, it left something to be desired as far as mundane comforts went. No heat, electricity, or running water. The one upside was that the aura of her Servant seemed to scare away all the rodents and other small insects. The place might not have been clean, but at least nothing would take a bite out of her in her sleep.
The downside was that due to the nature of her Servant, she couldn't send him out on errands on her behalf. She had provide for her own needs. Normally it wouldn't be an issue, but with the Executors from the Church looking for her, something as simple as stepping out to buy food was a risk.
Still, there was nothing she could do about that. Her body was human and it needed sustenance, and that meant leaving her hideout every now and then.
'Are we going out, Master?' asked the disembodied voice of her Servant. "There's no other choice," she replied.
She went to the duffle bag that held all of her current material possession. A few changes of clothes and some money. All that she managed to snatch from the Church on her way out.
She put on jeans and a hoodie, which allowed her to hide her striking hair before leaving the house to a hole in the fence around the premises. It was a long way on foot to the nearest grocery store.
[br]
It was neither the right time of the day or the year for seaside leisure. Unsurprisingly, the beach was mostly void of people, save for a few retirees taking a walk here and there.
Rider didn't mind. Unlike modern day humans, she associated the beach with solitude and protection for the most part. Enemies would always come from across the sea, that was certain, but it was still their first line of defense. She was rather fond of it.
The sound of crashing waves never failed to put her at ease.
When they got there, Shirou sat on the sand with his legs crossed and patted the spot next to him. She accepted his silent invite and sat by his side, far enough that their shoulders wouldn't touch, but still close enough that it didn't feel awkward.
She wondered if she was supposed to address their earlier incident or just pretend it never happened. Eventually, she decided for the latter. It wasn't worth it disturbing this quiet moment. It was fleeting enough already.
For a while, they just started out to the sea in silence, but every now and then, Rider shot him a sideway glance.
She was curious. Shirou wasn't the kind of person that would sit around idly. Every bit of spare time he had, he used it productively. This wasn't in character for him, as far as she knew. Eventually she decided to ask.
"Is something bothering you, Shirou? Beside the obvious, I mean."
"I do have a few things on my mind, yeah," he admitted. "When I decided to take my father's ideals for myself, I didn't think I would be making many lasting bonds, if at all. I mean...neither a being Magus or a hero is exactly conducive to make friends or family. I was fine with that. Then, of course, the Holy Grail War happened right in my backyard and changed a lot of things. It made me realize a few more as well."
"Like what?"
"That there aren't only the people in front of me. Some are behind me and other at my side. The consequences of what I do aren't in a straight line. They ripple around me. I could ignore all them if I chose to, and focus only on what's ahead of me, but that doesn't change that I affect them one way or another."
Rider nodded. After all, even though she stood between her sisters and the outside world to protect them, in the end her aggression destroyed them as well. Perhaps if she thought twice about her own course of action, the outcome might have been quite different.
"So, what are you going to do about it?" she asked.
"That's the question, isn't it? I haven't decided yet, but I must soon. Otherwise I'll end up hurting the people I'm supposed to protect. I can't have that."
Was he talking about Caster? That's the person that first came to mind when he spoke in such terms. She was his woman, after all. It was only natural that he wanted to protect her. However, for all that they bickered from time to time, it was obvious that they had each other's back in and out of battle. It didn't seem like he had any doubts about their dynamics.
So who exactly was he talking about? That weird woman Taiga? Or perhaps his sister Illyasviel? Rider wasn't exactly sure how close he was to Saber's Master to make any assumption, but there obviously was some chemistry there.
Actually, there was some affinity with Saber as well if she squinted her eyes at them, but the other Servant could take care of herself well enough.
Now that she thought about it, a great number of people were drawn to him. In fact, the current state of the War was the direct result of his actions, for better or worse. Had he not interfered, the Grail War would have went on as planned. He was right to say that his actions had a wide reach. That also meant that Rider couldn't be sure which person was occupying his thoughts.
Perhaps all of the above.
"Is there any way I could help?" she offered.
She didn't think she could, but the least she could do was try.
He looked at her, then he snorted.
"I'll be sure to let you know," he said.
She frowned. Somehow, she felt like something had just flown over her head, but she couldn't figure out what for the life of her.
"Come on. There's still a place we need to visit before we call it a day," he said as he got up.
Rider did the same and walked after him. As she followed, a small suspicion crossed her mind.
'What if he's talking about me?'
It wasn't possible, of course, and she knew better than mistaking kindness or even lust with affection. And yet, she couldn't quite bring herself to silence that conceited thought entirely. She could only try to ignore it and push it at the back of her mind.
She would find out that it was easier said than done. [XXX]