3.

Close as I've Been (Magic School Bus)

As the morning sun beamed over Nolan County, a bright yellow whirlwind roared across the countryside outside Sweetwater. Its abnormal color, together with other aspects of its appearance (it being rather surreally equipped with wheels, grille, and curiously optical headlights), might well have caused the locals some measure of concern; if they had watched it for any length of time, however, they might have been relieved (though also yet further mystified) to see it carefully avoiding every kind of tree, vehicle, and building in its path, as it stormed along the road toward the covered arena where Molly Cule was holding a homecoming concert later that afternoon.

When it arrived there, it whirled daintily into a convenient parking space; then it sprouted a stairway extending from the middle of its funnel down to the ground, and a red-headed woman with a longhorn-festooned dress and a lizard on her shoulder stepped out of an opening in the heart of the xanthic clouds. All this was intensely puzzling to the event coordinator who was arranging the concert from a nearby office; when the star herself heard about it a few minutes later, however, she merely remarked, "Well, Val-Gal always did like to arrive in style," and headed out to greet her old compadre.

"You know, I've always wanted to visit Texas," said Dorothy Ann as Ms. Frizzle led her class out into the blazing Southwestern sunlight. "I'm so glad the Friz managed to get tickets for all of us – and that she was able to get us out here so efficiently."

Ms. Frizzle, overhearing her, laughed with her usual hearty good cheer. "Yes, the bus does come through when you need it to," she said, and patted the transformed metal affectionately. "'My little Texas tornado, blowing me away again…'"

Whether this sudden snatch of song was inspired by something in the local air, by the thought of the upcoming spectacle, or simply by the Friz's own irrepressible whimsy, there was no doubt that it proved contagious. Ralphie, always ready to jump into things feet-first, was the first to take it up. "'Out in the west-Texas town of El Paso,'" he trolled as he slid down the railing of the stairway, "'I fell in love with a Mexican girl!'"

Just so long as it wasn't in Walkerville, bub, thought Carlos, who firmly believed that nobody on Earth, and certainly not Ralphie Tennelli, was good enough for his sister Dolores. Aloud, though, he only inquired, in his best Charley Pride voice, "'Is anybody goin' to San Antone?'"

"'Amarillo by morning!'" sang Wanda, with the gusto of a natural-born rodeo queen in her own right. "'Amarillo, I'll be there!'"

"'Galveston, oh, Galveston!'" Keesha declaimed, spreading her arms wide in a vaguely easterly direction. "'I still hear your sea-waves crashing!'"

"'And P.S.,'" came a soft voice from the bus's doorway, Phoebe looking flabbergasted by her own bravado. "'If this is Austin, I still love you.'"

"'I thought happiness was Lubbock, Texas, in my rear-view mirror…'" Tim caroled as he strode down the steps.

Dorothy Ann ran down behind him, and gave him a playful little nudge in the back with her book bag. "'If you're ever down in Dallas,'" she grinned as he turned around, "'look me up!'"

Tim grinned back, and then glanced back up the steps at the last member of the class to emerge. "Well, Arnold?" he said.

Arnold frowned, and his lips moved silently for a few seconds as his mind rattled furiously through its repertory of Texas cities and country songs. Waco, no; Houston, no; Fort Worth, no… "Oh, okay, I've got one," he said, and cleared his throat and started sauntering down the steps in his best imitation cowboy swagger. "'Let's go to Luckenbach, Texas, Waylon and Willie and…'"

"Foul!" Wanda shouted. "That's not a real Texas city!"

Arnold blinked. "It's not?"

"Of course not," said Wanda. "It's a symbol of getting your bearings and remembering what's important. Looking-Back, Texas, see?"

Arnold cocked his head. "You're putting me on."

"Nuh-uh!" Wanda ran back up into the bus, and came out a moment later with a U.S. road atlas, open to one of the last pages. "Here! An alphabetical list of all the towns and counties in Texas. Find Luckenbach."

Arnold took the atlas from her, and ran his eyes over the page. "Let's see," he said. "LU, LU… oh, here we go. Lubbock, Lucas, Lufkin, Luling, Lumberton… huh. I'll be doggoned." He thought for a moment. "D. A.? You're Catholic; are there any songs about Corpus Christi?"

"Sure, dozens of them," said Dorothy Ann. "'Tantum Ergo'; 'Ave Corpus Verum'; 'Lord, Who at That First…'"

"No, I mean with 'Corpus Christi' actually in the song."

"Oh." D. A. frowned. "I'm not sure. Let me see… do I have a book of chants in here anywhere?"

As she fingered through her bag, a familiar voice called across the parking lot, "Well, if it isn't my favorite bunch of Yankees! Welcome to God's country, y'all; hope you enjoy your stay."

"How could we not?" Ms. Frizzle retorted. "God's country or no, it's certainly Molly Cule's country; if that doesn't make it worth loving, I don't know what would."

"True-blue as always, Val-Gal," said Molly. "Put her there."

As the two old bandmates embraced fondly, Ralphie arched an eyebrow and leaned over towards Wanda. "Is it just me," he whispered, "or has Molly's accent gotten way thicker since the last time we saw her?"

"Comes of being back at the old stomping grounds, Ralphie," said the keen-eared superstar. "Truth to tell, the voice you remember was something I put on when I left Sweetwater for Hollywood: I was afraid of being dismissed as just some wide-eyed west-Texas hick, so I deliberately dialed back my twang into something more border-state. Sort of like Mac Davis in that song you just gave us, Tim."

Tim chuckled self-consciously. "You heard that?"

"I heard all of you," said Molly. "Warmed this little Lone-Star girl's heart, it did." She glanced in Arnold's direction, and added, mildly, "Though, just for the record, Sugar…" She hummed a bar or so to get herself on pitch, and then sang, "'As I walked out in the streets of Laredo…'"

Arnold slapped his forehead. "Duh!" he exclaimed. "Sorry, Molly. I should have thought of that."

"Well, no harm done," said Molly. "Webb County's a good ways off, and I won't tell the folks out there if you won't. And now, let's see about getting you all to the best seats in the house."

Correction: Well, how was I to know it was a real town? Wanda's perfectly right, it's not in the index of Rand McNally's atlas - not mine, at least. And isn't it the purpose of an index of the towns on a map to include all the towns on the map? (Not in McNally's mind, apparently; when one looks a little closer, there are a lot of towns, including my own, missing from their respective state indices.) So I apologize to the residents of Luckenbach for dismissing them as a myth, and I hope they can still appreciate the good intentions behind this piece, anyway.