A/n: This fanfic, gonna be honest, has been in the works for so long (nervous laughs). Here's the thing though, I… have procrastination problems (but tell me that's not an automatic thing that comes with being a fanfic writer like puh-lease), so I started writing this when I finished watching the series maybe a month or two ago right? Except I was already working on another fic for another fandom then I had to write this one then I procrastinated on this one by writing another and another and altogether giving up. But this is one I really wanted to get out there bc *whump*. So without further ado, enjoy my very not beta-ed first chapter of Five Paladins of Grief.

Keith

He'd never been close to Allura.

They'd had few interaction between just the two of them, and even then it was conversations surrounding missions, disagreeing on those very missions a lot of the time.

Even then, he was the leader of this team and he couldn't help but feel like it was his fault she was gone.

Logically, he knew there wasn't much he could have done in the moment, but he still felt a bit responsible. He led Voltron and so it was his choices that ultimately led them to that situation where she'd been forced to make that sacrifice. He'd let it get so bad that there'd been only one way out.

If only he'd done something different. Maybe if he'd done something more. But what could he have done?

He wished there was some way he could trade places with Allura. It would have been better if it was him and not her. That way, the team may have lost a leader yes, but they'd still have Shiro. And if it'd been Keith and not Allura, Lance wouldn't look so lost either. Then they could still function as a team without them, just like they'd done before when he'd been with the Blades. All proof it should have been him.

After they'd all appeared in their reality with Honerva and Allura gone, the Atlas - returned to its ship form - had scooped up the now empty Blue Lion. The others had all landed in the hangar after.

They couldn't wormhole, so instead they tried to contact Coran. When he answered, none of them had the heart to tell him what had happened, though he seemed to have picked up on it. They still want to tell him in person even if they think he suspects. So avoiding the topic of Allura, they tell him about Altea instead - the planet having had appeared from thin air after the whole Honerva Allura thing.

Coran along with whoever else was with him travel by Balmera to the Atlas so they don't take long to arrive. A good thing because they'd decided to wait for Coran before engaging with Altea and everything regarding the newly appeared planet.

When the older Altean finally comes onboard, they see his eyes flicker in between them as if searching for her. He asks about her, emotion evident in his voice but it's as if he's waiting for someone to confirm his fears before it all spills over.

The team all shifts, eyes darting to each other. While they'd been waiting for Coran to arrive, they'd discussed and decided that Shiro would tell him but in this moment, Shiro stayed silent.

"Coran…" Shiro tried to speak, but he couldn't so Keith took over, just so the moment could be done with and they could move on to the million things they had to do in the aftermath.

"Allura's gone, Coran. I'm so sorry."

It doesn't feel right, to say it like that, but what else an he say? He knows from personal experience that 'sorry' doesn't do anything, mean anything, but he sees now why people say it anyway. There's nothing else they can say instead.

Tears well up in Coran's eyes, and Keith shifts. He's never been great with dealing with other people's emotions, especially adults'. He can't even deal with his own feelings so why bother with other people's? So he just stands there, fidgeting and trying to shove his own rising feelings aside as he always did because he can't afford to break down now.

And why would he? He's already failed as Voltron's leader on the battlefield. He can't completely abandon them now. There's still so much to do. If there's time later, then he'll cry and get it over with.

For now, he just watches uncomfortably as Coran seems to break.

A/n:This started off as a oneshot, just so you know but I was like, that'd be a very very long oneshot so (short) chapters now whether you like it or not. With multi-chapter stories, I usually try to finish the whole story before posting so I don't keep you guys waiting but I just spent about 5 hours yesterday working on this and I was like, just post it at this point and you're gonna spent another few hours today working on it anyway so it's fine.

Which means that while I do have the first few chapters written, (with no idea of how many more it's gonna take but as soon as I can, I will let you know), comments always help with motivation *wink wink* so please do lmk what you think even if this is a short chapter. I'll probably post the next one tomorrow so stay tuned.

Stay safe and see ya soon.

- CrowofArcadiaOaks