Chapter 6 - Recovering

Author's Note: Warning: Non-consensual medical experimentation and abusive relationships

~ Tirana Sorki

Anakin Skywalker

Predictably, it's not until after he does more – I don't know how far it is, but since I can feel the throbbing when I'm awake traveling farther down my arm, he must be far – and when I'm half-unconscious that... something unexpected happens. Then again, everything for months now has been one unexpected after the next, so this isn't far more major than most.

Aniya isn't here right now; I'm not quite sure where she is, but not here, when I awaken, it's to sensing someone else present. It's the same blue Twi'lek that we had seen earlier that we couldn't identify.

"I knew I would find you here," he says, something icy in his voice. I've seen that look on people, the way he doesn't even attempt to conceal his rage or hatred, though for what, I don't even know.

"Who are you?" I rasp faintly. Anyone else, and I might ask how long it's been.

"That is of no concern to you, yet."

I twist instinctively, jerking against my restraints – I couldn't have been here for too long, considering I'm not terribly sore right now, though then again, I haven't been here constantly. I don't know why Plagueis leaves me here sometimes and not at others. But either way, I don't appreciate the other's closeness. At all.

"I'm not here for you," he continues, "I have a message for your master, for Darth Sidious."

Any other circumstances, and I'd have some very snippy commentary to throw back at him. Not now though. Instead, I only watch him warily.

"Tell him," he continues, "That there's nowhere he can escape from me. That there is nothing he can have that I won't take from him, after he did the same to me."

I blink a few times, refocusing. "You're one of his victims, aren't you?"

I don't know why I didn't expect the flare of rage I feel in the Force. I definitely didn't expect him to hit me. "Sith are not victims," he snarls, "I am more powerful now. Tell him what I said, boy."

A swell of anger burns inside me, the thing that always coils when someone looks at me as though I'm nothing. Maybe it's that I fear so much I'm not. "My name is Vader."

"I don't care what he calls you," the Twi'lek throws back. "You will only stay his for a short time. Lord Plagueis has far more important uses for you." I loathe how fear twists inside me every time I hear the name. I'm... scared of him. I can't help it.

And I don't know who this Twi'lek is. It's certainly not anyone I know of. No Jedi would react like that, and Krell doesn't count. It has to be something else, and it feels far more personal. "I don't belong to any of you."

"You will always belong to someone. You were made by him."

On that note, maybe some of that snipiness is coming back after all. "Everyone is made by someone," I throw back, "It's part of being human. Except clones, anyway."

He hisses, and I stubbornly refuse to flinch back, instead glaring back at him. "I am letting you return to him only because Lord Plagueis demands it. Tell him."

"Why should I give him a message from you when I don't know who you are?" The Dark Side is whispering to me now, telling me to lash out, to crush his neck, and for some reason, something about that feels strangely... something. I don't think Plagueis would appreciate it though, since this is clearly one of his science projects, too. On second thought, sassing back at someone when I'm still restrained isn't a good idea after all.

"You will do it, boy."

He's right. I will because I think this is something he needs to know. "You're a science project, too," I call after him as he moves for the door. "You'll never be anything else. I can feel it."

He stops, glaring at me again before disappearing. Well, this is certainly unusual. There are many things someone could have against Sidious – even I have some – but somehow, I get the feeling that this is something... bad.

**w**

I shouldn't be as surprised as I am that Sidious is there to see Aniya and I when we finally return to Coruscant. I'm thoroughly exhausted, and it's been a couple weeks Aniya had told me, which is better than some things during the war, but something about this is just... this is different. It's not an accident or a thing that just happened. It was something else entirely.

Uncomfortableness twists inside me, when Sidious reaches for my now flesh hand, lightly touching my wrist. It's jarring to feel sensation in it now, the way I used to.

"How is it?" he inquires at last. There's a strange underlying note of resentment and anger in his voice that I don't understand.

"Like it was... before."

I'm not really sure what to think of the emotions I sense from him right now. He feels angry, almost jealous, which makes absolutely no sense. "I see."

I pull back, crossing my arms. He doesn't try to stop me, though he's obviously unhappy. "Something else happened there," I say finally. I told Aniya about it already, but she shifts closer anyway. "I saw... someone. I don't know who he was, but he wanted me to tell you. He wanted revenge on you for... something. He didn't say what."

"I don't know who – actually, what, it was," Aniya speaks up, "It felt wrong in the Force. It must have been one of the experiments."

"Did he not even tell you a name?" Sidious inquires, and I shake my head.

"He was angry when I asked him. The most he would say is that he would take everything from you like you did to him."

"Could be anyone," Aniya mutters.

Point.

Sidious turns a death-glare to her. He rarely gives us that look. It reminds me of the one Obi-Wan gave us sometimes, but it's much worse – Obi-Wan would never hurt us, but Sidious already has. Every time I think about him, I remember Mustafar. I can't help it. It's so much like what it was like with Dooku that it hurts. "Is that so?"

"You have done a lot of things to upset people," she points out quietly.

"Apprentices are loyal to their master," he replies, something dangerous in his tone. "Until their master shows sign of weakness."

"We have no way of betraying you," I point out, unable to meet his gaze. I just want to be out of here, to go home.

"Do you?" he asks. I think he's trying to get something out of us, to figure something out, but I can't guess what that might be. He never used to do this to us. And now, for all that the Dark Side is easy for me to grasp, I don't want it, and I'm not used to it. It's hard to draw on, hard to remember to use. I have no idea what he could be trying to gain by prodding us like this. The admittance that we're helpless in this situation, maybe?

Fine. Since that's all I'm capable of doing lately anyway. I'll give him that. "We're not your apprentices," I throw back finally, furiously. "We're your assassins. We're your – your – whatever term it is that you will use. You told us we'd be free. We don't give our loyalty for nothing." I don't dare voice the 'you lied to me' that I want to. I don't dare... anything. Even if I want to. Even if I want to lash out and make this stop.

"Is this what he has told you?" Sidious asks finally, after a painfully long pause of quiet.

"He doesn't need to," Aniya replies bitterly, "It was me who was there the whole time he was torturing Anakin." She breathes in deeply, continuing much quieter. "You could have stopped him."

"That is not how he is," he retorts, something icier in his voice. "I send you to him because I choose to. Do you understand?" It's something about how sharply he's talking, I think, that scares me so much. Maybe it's that, or the proximity, I don't know, but I can't stop the very visible flinch.

"Yes, Master." I keep my eyes on the ground, the situation far too familiar – it's... exactly like it used to be.

And I miss our family so much, I can't breathe. No matter how hard it was, I wish it was still like it used to be, back when... back always. When we were young, we had our mother, and then, we had Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon and Padme and Jaufre, and Ahsoka and Alema and all the clones. (And I miss Palpatine, and that's utterly ridiculous.)

I don't manage to hold back the tears that sting my eyes, no matter how hard I try to.

Aniya jolts forwards when Sidious starts reaching for me again, clearly as certain as I am that he's going to hurt me. I think it's only because of how frustratingly sluggish my mind is lately that I don't pull away. He lifts my chin, and I briefly meet his gaze before my eyes dart away again, unable to hold it, but he doesn't pull back, anyway.

Sidious's voice is much softer when he calls my name again. "Vader."

"There was a time that wasn't my name." I don't care much for shame, most of the time, but I do now. Then again, I've never cried in front of a Sith before. Not like this. Not knowing who he is. And certainly not someone who was my master.

"A time before you were mine."

I sense Aniya's fists clenching more than see it. "I'm tired of belonging to people. Why can't we just be ourselves?"

"This is what I made you to be." I think I see him reaching out to touch her, too. The unsettled feeling inside me grows deeper, anger at him for doing this – he knows we can't stop him. He already made that obvious.

"Why?" I ask, bitterly, "So you can hurt us the same way he hurt you?"

Something about his touch grows cold. I didn't even know that was possible. "I would never do that to you." Why does he sound almost insulted?

On second thought, I don't want to know.

"Then why are you letting him?" I don't even know why I feel betrayed by him. It doesn't make sense – he owes us nothing. He's a Sith. He doesn't care about us. Not really. He has no reason to. I'm... fairly certain he's only doing it because he thinks he has to, but I can't be sure. He did just contradict himself, after all, and it's hard to tell with him. The only thing I do know without a doubt is that I just want to get away from him.

"It... will not be permanent." Sidious lets go of me, finally, and I shuffle away, instinctively reaching out and pulling Aniya closer to me.

"How much longer do we have?" I can't help asking. "Because we don't have much longer. Aniya needs to be away from him." I didn't realize I called her that name until a moment too late. If Sidious notices, he doesn't say anything. "She needs... rest. Calm, right now."

"I cannot fully control the state of the galaxy," Sidious points out. He gets... weird like that every time something about Aniya's child comes up. Maybe he just finds it as awkward to hear about as I feel talking to him about it. (Jaufre should be here. He and Padme both. They should know.)

I nod mutely, still unable to look at him.

"When matters in the galaxy are... settled, Plagueis will no longer be a concern. But for now, you must give him what he desires. In this state, he will not outright harm her."

As if that's supposed to help anything. Even hearing his name is unimaginably stressful, and that's not what she needs. Not that I can say any of that. Stress is part of being a Sith.

"For now, Maul and the other Inquisitors will assist in handling missions until she is able to again."

At least he'll let her off from that for now, which is something, but I know it's not enough. Not that there's a point saying so.

"I send you to him because I choose too."

"Thank you, Master," is the most I can grit out – hoping it's what's expected in this situation. Hoping it will be enough for him to finally excuse us, because I can't imagine what else he could want right now.

**w**

We both go to my room in the Works once we finally get out of there again. It's jarring to look at both my human hands again. I don't mind the idea of being fully human again, of course, but not like this. Not that what I want matters. It never has. Sometimes it feels like every day I only realize that more and more.

Silently, I move across the room, to the one concealed place I have, pulling out one of Obi-Wan's Jedi robes.

There were few things from the Temple we were able to salvage, but that, one of Qui-Gon's, and our padawans' padawan braids were some of it. Sometimes, I think looking at them only makes me miss everyone even more. I sink onto the edge of my bed – swallowing back the instinctive urge to cry again, I did enough of that earlier – running my hand across the fabric, letting myself feel the traces Obi-Wan's presence on it. Not the way he felt on Mustafar, but the... rain he did before. It still lingers on the clothes, at least for now.

Aniya sits down next to me, and we just... sit there. There's little else we can do.

I can feel her guilt coiling sharply as she eyes the fabric, leaning closer against my shoulder. "I wish there was something else I could've done about – that."

Her visions, I know she means. I never did hear the details of what she saw. I don't want to. It's enough that Sidious and Dooku would hurt us. I don't want to know what Obi-Wan might have done, in Aniya's vision.

"I know," I reply, quietly, "But we cannot change what was already done."

"It would have happened if I didn't do anything, but this..."

It's not much better. All we can do is fight for the Empire, to at least try to make the galaxy better. And slowly drown myself further and further into the Dark Side, because even if I don't want it, that only seems to make it harder to pull away from. Not that I can try when I'm supposed to be a Sith.

I don't know how long it's been when I suddenly sense Maul approaching. I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised he came to see us.

He knocks on the door, and I hastily shove Obi-Wan's robe as out of sight as I can, given the suddenness, telling him he can come in. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for a mission, right?

"What is it?" I query, as he steps in, a slight scowl on his face. Then again, that's pretty normal.

His eyes instantly zero in my arm. "What happened to you?" he demands.

"Plagueis... healed it."

"Healed it?" Maul repeats, dubiously.

"Manipulating his midi-chlorians. Apparently, that's... possible," Aniya replies.

"... why would he do that?"

"I imagine he wants to know how they... react, as opposed to normal organisms," I reply. It's not as if he was doing it to help us.

Maul's scowl grows. "I sensed he was... doing something to you," he tells us, "It did not feel as though he were healing you."

He's here to make sure we're alright? It's touching, especially given everything right now. I know he cares about us, but sometimes, I almost wonder if I underestimate how much. It's more and more apparent, the more we're around him.

"He was regrowing nerves. It was not a simple process," Aniya replies, not quite shortly. It's not any easier for her to talk about, than it was for me to deal with.

Maul paces a little closer, eyeing us. "But you are... functional?" he asks.

I nod. I can feel his concern, as strange but welcome as that is.

"When your limb was metal, did it not interfere with your ability to reach the Force?" he asks.

"It does," Aniya replies curtly, "But we're used to it."

"Then perhaps he is bringing about his own... end more quickly than I imagined he would."

That is a good point, because now that I'm fully human again, I can draw on the Force more than I once could. I'm sure Plagueis knows that too. Does he not care, or does he believe so firmly that we'd never challenge him?

"Maybe," Aniya agrees quietly.

Maul moves a little closer, and I try not to tense, as his gaze predictably lands on exactly what we were trying to hide. Great. I should've put that somewhere else. "Why do you have a Jedi robe with you?"

Aniya glares, shifting closer to me so he can't see it behind us. "It's none of your business."

Fear clenches in me sharply at the question. I can't let anyone know about that. I don't care to find out how either of our masters would react if they knew we were acting so obviously attached to our Jedi past. I doubt Maul would say anything about it, but I don't know if I can trust he won't either.

"Why would you desire to keep that which would remind you of your former masters?" he asks. He says that word with such loathing, as always, and... it reminds me of what he asked over a year ago when he rescued me from Krell.

"Did your master do it?" he'd asked, looking at the scars crisscrossing my back.

"What?! Obi-Wan would never hurt me!"

"Our masters then were our family, too," I reply, quietly. Given Maul lost Savage, I think he'd understand this, but – he called us his sibling, too. That... meant a lot. I don't find it easy to trust anyone anymore, though.

"The Jedi may be... weak, but they do not train the way Sith are," Aniya responds.

"I don't know what you considered normal, but... everything was different then. Our masters would never hurt us. That is not how Jedi are taught," I add.

"They are taught to be completely detached and uncaring for one another, are they not?" he asks, dubiously.

"Most are. Our masters weren't... always like that." Qui-Gon wasn't, even if he was a distant master figure much of the time, until we knew him better. Obi-Wan well... I knew he cared, usually. Even if he didn't often show it. Even if I wished so much that he would show it more, but it wasn't the Jedi way.

"If they were your family, why would they be unwilling to have you back?" he asks, after a long pause.

"We wiped out their Order," Aniya replies, bitterly, "What else do you expect?"

Maul scoffs derisively. "If they do not desire you because they are too blinded by their Light, they are fools."

I swallow back the instinctive urge to defend them – I'm supposed to be a Sith now. And I don't know how much I can say to him. Although, I know without having to ask that he won't mention what happened here.

**w**

Aniya Skywalker

I still don't want to do this. Neither of us do, but everything is steadily growing tenser, more precarious. More and more, I see how for all that the Empire is trying to establish peace and some semblance of order, it's doing so in all the ways that I cannot stand for. It's doing all the things that Anakin and I had once devoted our lives to fight against.

And frankly, I'm not surprised that some of the clones are slowly beginning to see it, too.

Anakin and I talk to our clones from time to time, and we can see how the haze in their minds is slowly wearing off. I don't dare talk to Sidious about trying to remove it entirely, no matter how much I think about it.

And... I'm not surprised when Rex finally brings up his concerns again, though there's a certain shadow in his eyes that I don't remember being there before. I should probably talk about what happened, but I don't know how to. "I know you said you supported the Empire," Rex says finally, "But some of us are... having questions about it."

I can't help glancing around to make sure no one is watching. "We all are," I confess, voice low, "But there's not much we can do to stop it. It's more like the Republic than I thought it would be. So much of what we're being told to do is... wrong."

"What will you do about it, sir?"

"I don't know," Anakin replies, sighing, "So much has happened, is happening, and we don't know how to stop it."

"I'll admit I don't want to stay, either, but there's nothing else we can do," I murmur, though I have thought about it before, frequently. I've thought about leaving, just walking out without looking back. I've thought about leaving everything behind like Alema and Ahsoka once did. I've thought about... going. But I don't have the strength it takes to walk away.

"We spent our lives defending the Republic," Rex continues, looking away. "How can we stop now?"

Anakin and I exchange glances. Somehow, I can't help thinking that we won't even have to ask Rex to leave. He's about to do it himself. "What else could we do?" Anakin asks instead, "We helped build this. We couldn't just leave and pretend we didn't, could we?" That's far from the only reason we can't leave, but it's still a question. If we go, Plagueis and Sidious will do anything to find us, and we'd be endangering our family. Not to mention that they'd be furious if we left, and... it's not an option.

"I don't know, sir." I'm pretty sure he wants to do it, anyway. It's good, I think. Maybe. Except being away from Rex will be hard. At least Appo, I think, will stay. For now – even if it's probably best if none of them do. It's selfish that I want them here, but I can't help it.

"We can't leave," I tell him anyway, "We can't exactly explain why, but we can't. That doesn't mean you can't leave if you want to, though."

There's a flicker of something in his eyes. "There's something else going on," he replies. "I don't know what."

It makes my heart throb dully in a way I can't understand. "It wasn't their choice," Anakin continues quietly, "None of yours. You're being controlled. We need to find a way to help you, all of you, but I don't know how. Not something that won't endanger all of us."

"That explains a few things," he answers, a bit dryly, "Most of this didn't make sense to me."

"Somehow, this needs to end," Anakin tells him, "I don't know how, but it has to. All of this."

I've thought about killing Sidious. Every time, it all comes out the same, that I... don't want to. I do, but I don't. It's complicated. I hate him, but I... I don't know. He cares about us, no matter how twisted it is. It wouldn't sit well with me if he died, especially by my own hand. Yet, something needs to change. In the end, it all leads back to Plagueis. And to stop him, we need more help.

"You know what to do," I tell Rex, trying to ignore how part of me is terrified to do this. I reach into my robes, pulling out the small holodisk – I couldn't help making it, really. There was just so much that needed to be said. "I made this for Alema. It has, like, fifteen layers of security that only her or Ahsoka can get through. I'm sure you can track her down."

He reaches out to take it, almost hesitantly. "Are you sure?" Rex asks at last.

"Truthfully, the farther from us you are, the better," Anakin answers bluntly, "The more of your brothers on our side, the better. And, no, I don't side with Sidious. We just don't know how to stop him."

"Is there anything else?" he queries finally

"Try to keep Ahsoka away from Coruscant, whatever it takes," Anakin replies, smirking faintly for a moment. "Even if you have to stun her."

"Noted," Rex agrees dryly, "I'll be sure to tell her."

"Any means short of disintegration," I can't help adding. I wish I could tell him a message for Obi-Wan, but I'd rather talk to him myself first. If he's going to react violently, well, I'd rather it be vented on us than Rex.

"And – there is more," Anakin adds quietly, glancing at me then away. "For Jaufre. That... I don't know how to say this."

... right. He's not even going to get to name our child, probably. "Tell him that his nightmare about the Outer Rim Sieges is a bit more true than I thought."

Rex is definitely eyeing me strangely at that one, but he doesn't ask. "I will," he promises instead, "But I don't know where to look."

"Ryloth," Anakin replies, "Alema's family is there. Try to track them down. I'm sure you'll find something or someone who would help there. We heard something happened there and her family had to leave, but some of their supporters will help if they trust you."

"This would mean I would be working against you." He doesn't sound happy.

"Different path. Same ending," Anakin answers, "The Force will be with you. We'll see each other again."

Some of the worry I feel in him fades away, and Rex nods, pulling his helmet back on. "Then, I'll see you later."

I nod, trying not to give into my emotions any further. I need to stay calm for everyone's sakes.

Anakin raises his hand to his forehead in a salute, one that Rex instantly mimics. Of all the Jedi, neither my brother nor I ever saw ourselves as above the clones. We were always a part of them, one of them. Family.

Leaving without looking back is hard, but it's what we have to do, just like on Tatooine all those years ago. And especially right now, we have to be willing to do what needs to be done, like it or not – and I see it now, right here. Rex, at least, should be free, even if we will never know freedom.

And hopefully, we'll truly be together again someday.

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