SPOILER BOOK 3 for this oneshot!
Note: Jere didn't cheat on Belly in this oneshot and Laurel doesn't react as badly as she does in the books. This is part 1 of the oneshot because it's already so long, but if you want part 2, let me know.
At first I wasn't sure I'd heard him right. But then he said it again, this time louder. "Marry me."
He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a ring. A silver ring with a little diamond in the center. "This would just be for starters, until I could afford to pay for a ring myself—with my money, not my dad's." (We'll always have summer, Jenny Han)
Jeremiah sat next to me on my dorm bed and asked me to marry him. I couldn't comprehend what was happening.
He stared at me with those blue eyes, full of hope, and it felt like time had stopped. We were together for a little over 2 years, went to the same college and besides fighting here and there, had a steady relationship.
"Bells, I love you so much. Please say something." He pleaded. I smiled weakly, my heart was racing but I don't know if it was for the right reasons.
"Where is this coming from, Jere?" It was the only thing I could think of. He looked confused by my answer, putting the ring down beside me and taking my hand.
"I love you and you love me, why not get married young? I mean we will be together forever, right?" Forever. We will be together forever, right? I repeated in my head. I knew I loved Jere, maybe he was right. Maybe we should get married, many people get married young.
"Yes, but we're only 18 and 19. How would we afford a wedding?" At this point it was getting ridiculous, I had to give him an answer.
"Belly, I feel like you don't want to marry me. I took all my courage and asked you this question because I want you, I want you as my wife and you—" his voice cracked, and I could feel him getting angry "—you just find excuses." He finished and I could see the hurt in his eyes, I felt guilty but also angry. If we would be together forever, why was he pressuring me?
"I don't get it, Jere. If we will be together forever, why not wait? I do love you, I just need some time to think about it. We're so young and we don't have a lot of money. We basically live in my dorm room. Give me some time, okay?" I said, knowing this would not be easy for him.
"Fine." He said, pretending not to be hurt. Jere got up and left the ring right next to me. He didn't say it, but I could feel his pain. I just needed to think about it.
"How much time do you think you'll need to decide if you want to marry me or not?" He asked with an angry voice, whilst already having his hand on the doorknob.
"Just give me a few days, please. I love you, Jere."
"Okay." That was all he said and then he left. He didn't turn around or look back, he just left. I screwed up. But what was I supposed to do? We were so young, and he talked about us being together forever, but what if—No. I had to stop myself from thinking any further. What if a part of my heart still beats for his brother? This wouldn't be fair to either of them.
That night I didn't sleep well, I kept rolling around, not really finding a comfortable position. When I finally fell asleep, I had this dream.
My dad was walking me down the aisle and I was in this beautiful creamy white dress with lace cap sleeves and a low back. My hair pinned up and the sun shining. I was at the beach. Then I saw him. My groom, and it wasn't Jeremiah.
The next morning, for these few seconds after waking up when you can still remember your dream, I was horrified. In my dream it wasn't Jeremiah who I was marrying, it was Conrad.I felt ashamed of myself, and I couldn't think clearly anymore. I needed to get out of here.
Luckily, all our finals were over, and I could go home to see my mom. I decided to text Jeremiah, so he knew that I was going home.
Hey, just wanted to give you a heads up. I think it would be best for me to go home to my mom and have some time to think. Love you.
I knew this message sounded weird, but I didn't know what else to say.
As I was driving home, I felt more conflicted than ever in my life. It wasn't just our age, and I knew that, and he probably did too. Why am I like this? That was the question I asked myself 24/7 now. I had a wonderful boyfriend, we loved each other, and marriage wasn't such a crazy idea.
Being at Finch, it was easy and steady between me and Jere. We were far from home, and it felt like, our past didn't haunt us as much. I could pretend that maybe the past never happened.
But marriage would make it real. I didn't know why but that thought scared me. Wasn't the thought of marriage an exciting one? To spend forever with the one you love? To be infinite together. Could I be infinite with Jere? Could I just forget the past and give him everything, my future, the rest of my life?
Right now, I didn't have an answer for that question.
"Mom?" I called her name as I was walking through my front door. Home. I didn't know how much I needed this until now.
"Belly?" I heard my mom saying from upstairs. She came walking down the stairs and the moment I saw her, I burst into tears.
"Belly? What's going on?" She asked and rushed to take me in her arms. She gave me the biggest bear hug and just held me for a few minutes. When we broke apart, I started to speak again.
"Jere asked me to marry him." I said, tears still streaming down my face. My mom went pale.
"I think I need to sit down." Was all she said, and I followed her to the couch and sat down next to her. She looked at my hand and when she didn't see a ring, I could see her face relax.
"What did you say?" she asked.
"That I need some time to think about it. We're still so young and we don't really have the money, you know?" I answered. She nodded in agreement.
"Yes, Belly. You know I love Jere, but I don't think you guys should be getting married now. Why not wait a few years? You guys are still so young." She said to me, and I just nodded weakly, still crying a little bit. My mom continued speaking.
"Belly? I don't agree with you guys getting married so young and I know you understand where I'm coming from, but you look—" she took a second, choosing her words carefully "—when you started crying, I thought you guys broke up and then you tell me he asked you to marry him. And you're crying. What is really going on?" She had that look, the one only mothers had. The look that said I know you and I know this is not the full story. But I couldn't talk to her, it wouldn't be right, and I didn't even know what to talk about. It was all so confusing.
"I'm fine, I was just so overwhelmed and then we had a little fight, and it was all too much." I half-smiled at her and wiped the tears from my eyes.
"I think I'm just going to go up to my room and sleep a little bit. The drive was long, and I'm exhausted. Is Steven here?" My mom looked conflicted. She took a deep breath.
"Belly, Conrad is coming over today because I asked him to fix my computer. If I had known you were coming, I would've told him to come at another time." She said the words fast and I stopped breathing for a second. That was the last thing I could deal with right now. I remembered my dream and almost had to cry again.
"It's fine, mom. I will say hi and just stay in my room." I forced a smile, took my bag and walked up to my room. I wasn't fine and the fact that Conrad was coming over wasn't helping. How was I supposed to face him? Talk to him? His brother just asked me to marry him and the night after I dreamt about Conrad standing at the altar. I was screwed.
A couple hours later I heard his voice. It still sent chills through my body. I tried to listen to their conversation.
"I saw Belly's car. Is she here?" Conrad asked and there was a pause.
"Yeah, she came home today, but she's not feeling well." That was all my mother said and I guess she gave him a look, so he understood because he didn't ask any other questions.
I could hear their footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart was beating way too fast. Why did he still have this effect on me? We hadn't talked in such a long time.
They went straight to her office to look at her computer and I was relieved because I really didn't know what to say to Conrad or how to look him in the eyes.
While they were doing their thing, I started to clean my room a bit and unpack some of my clothes, which had to be washed. I put them all in a basket and walked out the door, heading to the washing machine.
"Ouch!" I yelled. I bumped into somebody, and I just stood there, frozen.
"Are you okay?" It was Conrad. I slowly looked up at him and his eyes looked worried but also amused. I don't know why, but I felt like crying again. I had to get out of this situation.
"I'm fine. Sorry for not paying attention." I said, looking at him and for a moment neither of us looked away. Seconds, which felt like minutes, later my mother, who had been watching our interaction from two steps behind, started talking.
"Belly, Conrad and I wanted to order some food, do you want some?" she asked.
"I'm good, thanks." I answered.
"You sure?" she asked again, and I just nodded. I walked around Conrad and went to our washing machine. I knew my mom would probably still get something to eat for me too, but I couldn't sit at a table with my mom and Conrad and eat take-out. My heart wasn't strong enough for that.
After washing my clothes and cleaning up, I sat back on my bed and thought about what I should do. Taylor was on vacation with her boyfriend and my brother wasn't home yet from college. I realized I was hungry, but I couldn't just go downstairs and eat with them, especially after saying I don't want to.
I thought about Conrad, his eyes and the way he looked at me. The way time just stopped. Did my mother tell him about Jere's proposal?
Jere. I hadn't thought about him once in the last few hours and now I really felt ashamed. The whole time I thought about Conrad, what it would be like to see him again, to look in his eyes. I even thought about his smell. Maybe I really am crazy. I thought to myself. This had to stop. It all had to stop.
I couldn't finish my thoughts because somebody knocked on my door.
"Belly, can I come in?" Conrad. I didn't know what to say. I desperately wanted to see him again, but I was so scared of what it would do to me.
"Yeah." I said quietly. He opened the door and smiled at me. I only had my bed to sit down, and I could see him looking around helplessly, not wanting to sit down on my bed without my agreement.
"You can sit down next to me, Conrad" I said, and he did. I felt the tears coming back. Fuck. Not now.
"So, I just wanted to talk to you. We haven't talked in so long and the last time, well—" he stopped and looked at me and I knew what he meant, the last time we talked it wasn't talking, it was more of a fight. He continued talking "—you looked really sad and I mean I just wanted to make sure you're okay, you know?" He said it so sweetly, I couldn't take it. I looked at him and I don't know why but I just blurted it out.
"Jere asked me to marry him." I said quickly and I didn't know why I did it. Conrad was the last person to talk to about this. Did I want him to stop me? His approval? For him to tell me he doesn't love me anymore and there's no future for us, so I could let him go.
I didn't know. Conrad didn't say anything, and he just stared at me for what felt like an eternity. His eyes looked at my hand for a split second and then he looked at my face again.
"Did you say yes?" Were the first words out of his mouth. He spoke slowly and carefully, afraid of what the answer would be.
"I said I needed time to think about it." I answered and even though he didn't sit right next to me, I could physically feel him relax. We were both silent for a few seconds and then it hit me, and I started crying.
It started out silently, tears streaming down my face and then it turned into full on sobbing. Conrad watched me and I could feel his inner conflict, wanting to comfort me, but also not wanting to cross the boundaries we built.
"Is it okay for me to—" he didn't finish his sentence because I already nodded and basically threw myself into his arms. I needed warmth and I needed Conrad like the air to breathe. For the first time in days, I felt like I could breathe again, feeling his hands rub my back. I was crying so hard, my mom probably heard us.
We sat on the bed like that for a long time, Conrad rubbing my back, saying "It will be alright" over and over again. This was weird, but also it wasn't.
When I stopped crying, I got out of his arms and sat up again.
"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to comfort me because of your brother." I said.
"Why didn't you say yes?" Conrad asked, and I could tell this was the conversation that would change everything, but I didn't know in which way yet.