James slowly opened his eyes. As he did, he saw the Fat Director looking up at him.
"Are you alright, James?" he asked.
"Uh, yes, yes I am," said James. "Wh-Wh-Where am I?"
"Vickers Shipyard in Barrow," answered the Fat Director. "Do you not remember being brought here before we gave you green water?"
James didn't answer.
"Don't worry about those trucks: I punished them severely for what they did to you," said the Fat Director. "Now then, allow me to tell you what's changed: your wooden brake blocks have now been replaced with ones of steel. We also repaired all other damage done to you. Your tender, however, was damaged beyond repair. Thus, I got you a new Fowler tender. You'll be able to run again soon."
"Yes sir, of course," said James, sadly.
"Cheer up!" smiled the Fat Director. "While you were out, I decided to give you a little surprise. Boys, bring him the mirror!"
Some workmen brought over a large mirror. James looked into it and gasped: gone was the black paint, and in its place was a shiny, bright red.
"Whoa! I'm…I'm red!"
"Do you like it James?"
"No sir…I LOVE IT!"
The Fat Director chuckled.
"I thought you would!" he said. "Now, let's get you lined out and give you a new brass dome."
"Yes sir! Whatever you tell me to do, sir! The world must see my shiny red paint!"
When James emerged from the works, he was lined out with yellow boiler bands, a brass dome, and blue lining on his splashers, cab, and tender. He felt confident now and immediately buffered up to a goods train due for the Island. The Red Engine rolled past everyone all the way to Tidmouth, whistling for attention.
"Look at me, I'm the most splendid engine on Sodor!" he would shout. People crowded around the lineside to watch this new engine they didn't recognise.
"He looks like Selena. Down to the paintwork," a man remarked.
At Wellsworth, James stopped to drop off some trucks. As he did, Rolf came into the yard with some coal trucks. He stopped next to James, but the trucks bumped into each other, coal dust getting all over the Red Engine! For the first time in his life, James was furious!
"Ew! YUCK! Watch what you're doing, you just ruined my shiny red paint!" scolded James angrily. "Now I'll have to get it washed until it shines like gold!"
"Sorry, James," said Rolf. James just huffed.
It wasn't too much to clean off the dust, but James was still fuming as he went on his way.
"Why are these engines so rude, ruining my paint like that?" he grumbled.
"Easy, James, he apologised," his driver pointed out. "Besides, we cleaned you off."
After arriving at Tidmouth, James went over to the coaling stage to fill up on more coal. Lily was also there.
"Hey hey, Lily! Look who's better-looking now!" James bragged. "You ain't touching me, I'm WAY too shiny for your antics, bitch!"
"Paint isn't everything, James," Lily said.
"Of course you'd say that: you're painted in a drab colour. I, on the other hand, stand out."
"Selena's also painted red," said Lily.
"Maybe, but she doesn't have a brass dome," boasted James.
"Well, you're still that cowardly engine…."
"Who you calling a coward?!" James shouted. "I won't stand for you discrediting me, even if we're from the same railway! Now shove off: your black is ruining my image!"
Lily rolled her eyes and steamed away.
Later, Edward came to Tidmouth with the Fat Director.
"How you getting on James?" he asked.
"Splendidly!" replied James. "I've been admired all around, everyone loves my paintwork! If only that Rolf hadn't gotten it dirty earlier!" James grew angry, remembering that.
"I see," said the Fat Director.
"If possible, I only want to work on goods trains that won't get me dirty!"
"You mean you were never told? You're a special mixed-traffic engine," said the Fat Director. "You can handle trucks, yes, but you're able to handle coaches just as easily."
"Coaches?! I can pull coaches?!"
"Are you saying you've never pulled coaches before?" asked the Fat Director.
"Always goods," said James.
"In that case, how'd you like to double-head the next passenger train going out with Edward here? He'll tell you all you need to know about handling coaches."
"Yes sir!" said James happily. Together, he and Edward went off to find the coaches.
The Red Engine gazed at them excitedly, and Edward quickly figured out what he was thinking of.
"Be careful with the coaches, James," he warned. "They don't like being bumped. Unlike trucks, who sometimes act naughty; when that happens, they NEED to be bumped, as a reminder to behave. Coaches, however, will pay you out if you bump them too much."
"But these are from my home railway!" James shouted with glee.
"Even so, like I said, too rough and you'll anger the coaches. Just take a deep breath and couple up slowly."
James did so, the coaches muttering in approval.
Both engines brought the coaches to the platform and coupled up to the front. The Fat Director, the stationmaster, and some little boys all came to admire James' shining rods and red paint; many of the boys took down his number. Other passengers gathered around him. James felt very pleased.
"Look at all these people! They love me, they really love me! Oh boy, does it pay to look so splendid!"
Suddenly, without warning, James let off steam. "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH!"
All the people jumped as a shower of water splashed The Fat Director, who was wearing a new, cheaply made hat. James gulped when he saw this, but Edward didn't seem to notice. The guard then blew his whistle, which James was all too eager to obey.
"Go on, go on!" he puffed, as he pushed into Edward.
"Don't push, don't push." puffed Edward, who disliked starting so quickly.
"Don't go so fast, don't go so fast," grumbled the coaches, but James, wanting to run away before the Fat Director could call him back, refused to listen.
He didn't even want to stop at Knapford Junction. Edward tried hard to stop, but the two coaches in front were beyond the platform before they did, and they had to get permission from the signalman to go back to let the passengers off.
Lots of people came to look at James, and, as no one seemed to know about the Fat Director's top hat, James felt much better.
Presently, Thomas arrived with his coaches.
"Hullo James!" said Thomas kindly. "I see you got a new paintjob. Feeling better?"
"Yes, Thomas, I am, thanks for helping me," said James.
"Hey, that's what friends are for," said Thomas. "I mean, it was an emergency, I couldn't just…" He was interrupted by ash flying out of his whistle.
"Hey, watch the paintwork!" James scolded. "You could've gotten me dirty with that whistle ash!"
"You find nothing odd? I mean, ash can't fly out of whistles," said Thomas.
"Now that you mention it… It means your builders fitted you with faulty tubes," said James. "It also means my paintwork could've gotten dirty. I already had to deal with coal dust earlier, I don't need ash ruining my paintwork too!"
"Gee, sorry," snorted Thomas. "Not like I can help it." At that moment, a guard blew his whistle. Thomas looked back: it wasn't his. "Ah! James, that's your guard. You better get going. Nice catching up with you."
Edward and James then departed.
"I feel like I'm looking at a male version of Selena," the E2 said to Conan.
After passing through Crosby Tunnel, Edward decided to tell James the secret.
"James, ash flying out of Thomas' whistle isn't because he was fitted with faulty tubes," he said.
"Well what else could it be?!" snorted James.
"This phenomenon called a water bond," Edward replied. "It occurs when a person drinks black water."
"Rubbish!" huffed James. "Black water kills engines!"
"When consumed by engines, yes," said Edward. "But not people: instead, a person who drinks black water gets bonded to an engine, meaning they share a life force."
"Pass it tonight. Whatever you're smoking sounds good," said James.
Edward rolled his eyes: convincing James clearly wasn't going to be easy.
Edward explained events such as the ghost or Boomer to James. He also told him about every engine in the railway as they passed the field where James had had his accident. The fence had been mended and the cows were back again. James whistled, but the cows took no notice.
"Can I ask you something, Edward?" James asked, as they stopped at Crosby. "Are there any beautiful girls on this railway?"
"Depends on what you define as beautiful," said Edward.
"Paint. Shinier, the better," said James. As if on cue, Selena soon pulled in with a slow goods. James was not impressed. "YEECH! What a dirty object!" he snorted.
"Better dirty than lazy," said Selena.
"You're kidding me, right? You're painted red just like me, you shouldn't be hiding it underneath all that grime."
Selena gave a sigh.
"I don't know who you are, but I was once like you, focused on nothing but appearance. Then I found myself getting into serious trouble. Trust me: paint isn't the only thing that matters on this planet."
"I could show you otherwise, my lady," said James.
"I'm already taken, skid rogue," said Selena. James was left aghast! Edward just stood there, laughing.
Later on, the two arrived at Wellsworth, where Gordon raced past with the Wild Nor Wester.
"Express coming through!" he called. James could only look on enviously, but felt better when more people crowded around admiring his paint.
"Be careful up ahead," said Edward. "Gordon's Hill isn't an easy climb. Put down all your sand and go full-regulator."
"Why didn't you tell me I was flirting with someone who's taken? Who's the guy?"
Edward chuckled.
"Still hung up on that are you? Well, you've been working with him on this train," said Edward. James spluttered: he didn't have any words! "You only needed to ask before you tried flirting," said Edward innocently. James just gritted his teeth as the guard blew his whistle.
The hill was indeed steep. James began breathing heavily as he and Edward pulled the heavy train up to the top.
"This…is…no…hill!" panted James. "It's ever so steep, it's ever so steep!"
"I've done it before, I've done it before," puffed Edward.
"It's steep, but we'll do it. It's steep, but we'll do it," they puffed together. They reached the top at last and rested at Maron.
"Can I ask you something? When did you get such a beautiful engine?"
"Since she arrived," answered Edward. "Any questions you have that are NOT related to romance?"
"Why's it called Gordon's Hill if it's called an incline?" asked James.
Edward told the Red Engine all about the time Gordon got stuck and he had to push him up. James began laughing. So much so, he got the hiccoughs and surprised an old lady in a black bonnet.
She dropped all her parcels, and three porters, the stationmaster, and the guard had to run after her picking them up!
"You silly engine!" she scolded. "I had very fragile china and you smashed it into pieces! Now I'll have to get a new set! Ugh, my husband won't like this."
James said nothing for the rest of the journey. He was still quiet in the sheds that night: as much as he had enjoyed his day, he couldn't help but fear what the Fat Director would say about the top hat!
At Ffarquhar, Thomas had been in a bad mood all day since James had left.
"First he thanks me, then says I have faulty tubes," he grumbled. "I just can't figure him out!"
"Perhaps," said TKE #2, "he's…god, what's the word? Maybe he's just adjusting to his new paintwork."
"All the same, faulty tubes is his reasoning? What kind of logic is he using?" snorted TKE #3. "Even if your tubes were faulty, there's no way that can make ash go into the whistle."
"Well, what reason would you have come up with TKE #3?" Thomas asked. The Coffee Pot thought about it: he knew he couldn't mention the bond, knowing Thomas was asking specifically about those who didn't know about the bond.
"Fine. Maybe that's the best explanation," he sighed at last. "All the same, I still want to know what his logic is."
"I have a feeling giving him red was a mistake," said Thomas. "Ever since…OUCH!"
The Coffee Pots could only stare in shock as a giant red bruise formed on Thomas' forehead!
"Whoa! You ok Thomas?!" TKE #3 asked.
"I think…Jewelie hit Conan with a frying pan," the E2 groaned.
Indeed that happened.
"They've really gotta find a cure for mood swings," said TKE #2.
Meanwhile, Conan laid on the floor, holding his head.
"What did I do this time?" he asked.
"YOU'RE LATE! WHAT IF I HAD GONE INTO LABOUR WHILE YOU WERE OUT!? HUH?! WHAT THEN?!"
"Labour? Come on, Jewels, it's only been seven months. You don't need to…GAH!"
Jewelie had picked up a knife. Conan ran out of the house in a panic, thinking she wanted to stab him. He ended up spending the night in Ffarquhar Sheds, not returning to his house until morning.
Next morning, the Fat Director came up to James.
"Why are you so upset?" he asked.
"Please sir, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to…"
The Fat Director held up his hands.
"James, I'm not upset," he said. "It was only a hat. That said, maybe you should try to be more careful: I heard about the China pots. While that wasn't your fault, our railway had to pay for it."
"Yes sir, sorry sir, I'll try not to let it happen again, sir."
"Very good James. Now, back to work: we still have a railway to run. You're on the first passenger train today, head to the station."
And with that, the Fat Director walked off. James was steamed up and eagerly went off to the station, where Timmy had placed some coaches in the third platform. The Red Engine backed down onto the coaches carefully.
"Hullo, Thomas, so lovely to see you here too," said James.
"Thomas?! The name's Timmy!" snapped the 498. "DO I look like Thomas to you?!"
"Well, you are painted blue," said James. "Not like me: my red is shiny and clean."
"You must be blind if you mistake me for Thomas," snorted Timmy. "For starters, my blue is darker. Also, my lining isn't red. That, and my sidetanks aren't extended. And do you SEE a number one on my tanks?"
"If I was blind, why did I say hullo to you?" James quizzed. "Look, sorry for the misunderstanding, you just looked similar from a distance."
"You call a few metres a distance? Really?" asked Timmy.
"Uh, yes," snorted James.
"Get some glasses then," snarked Timmy.
"I don't need a Caledonian chump like you telling me to get glasses!" James snapped.
"Oi! Don't call my friend a chump, else I'll give you some chin music!" 98462 intervened.
"You think you're tough? Bring it!" shouted James.
"Not right here!" shouted the Fat Director. "This is a station, not a fighting ring. If you really have an urge to fight, save it for after you finish your jobs."
James didn't lift his death glare until after he'd departed.
"Thanks, 98462," said Timmy. "I don't understand what that engine's problem is."
"I think," said 98462, "it has something to do with his paintwork."
That would be the beginning of the feud between 98462 and James the Red Engine, one that would last for a long while.
(Author's note. The retcon involving the relationship between Edward and Selena was something we came up with while writing this chapter. The reason why they're not affectionate is simple: Edward is too professional to be affectionate in public.)