Chapter 18. Making Amends
I made the decision not to use dialogue from the TV series to avoid copyright issues. As a result, there is a lot of exposition in this chapter which may just seem like a rehashing of the plot from the series. There is some made up dialogue. While you're reading it and you think back to the scene in the series just remember that my dialogue is different. After this chapter everything will be original plot and dialogue as Bucky takes on the danger threatening Lacey and Tommy.
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The next few weeks were time that Bucky would never get back. After "helping" Zemo escape custody, then flying to Madripoor to seek out information about the super soldier serum they found themselves on the wrong side of the faction that ran the lawless colony. A woman in the criminal world in Madripoor gave them the name of the man making the serum, Wilfred Nagel, then was killed herself, which prompted a bounty on their lives, even though they had nothing to do with her death. Only the appearance of Sharon Carter helped them temporarily out of being killed by the bounty hunters. Carter, obviously part of the criminal underworld herself, helped them locate Nagel's lab. He confirmed the existence of the serum, admitted it was formed from a blood sample taken from an unwilling Isaiah Bradley, and that he had created 20 doses. They knew of eight Flag Smashers who had taken the serum, meaning there were potentially another dozen people that could be or already were transformed.
It literally blew up in their faces when Zemo killed Nagel, then a bounty hunter sent a rocket into the shipping container where the lab was. Zemo disappeared while Bucky helped Carter and Sam out of the wreckage. After helping them dispose of the rest of the bounty hunters Zemo showed up with a car to get them out of there and back to his private jet. At least they had a name, Donya Madani, a source of inspiration to the Flag Smashers, and a place, Riga, Latvia, to search for the group.
When they arrived in Riga, and Zemo led them to a safe house there, Bucky noticed several kimoyo beads in the vicinity and hung back, knowing the Wakandans were near. In a quiet street he spoke to Ayo, the Dora Milaje warrior, who gave him 8 hours before she and her squad came for Zemo. It was long enough for Zemo to find out where the funeral for Donya Madani was being held, and long enough for Sam to try and talk to the leader of the Flag Smashers, Karli Morgenthau. At least it would have been long enough if John Walker hadn't shown up to arrest Karli. She escaped in the confusion Walker's appearance caused. Later when the Dora Milaje came to take Zemo into custody Walker intervened again starting a fight that never should have happened. In the confusion of that fight Zemo escaped.
Karli reached out to Sam, via a veiled threat she made to his sister and nephews. When he and Bucky met with her they realized quickly her true intent was to occupy them while the rest of the Flag Smashers went after Walker and Hoskins. It was during that fight that Sam realized Walker had somehow taken the super soldier serum. That was also the fight where Hoskins was killed and Walker retaliated by killing one of the Flag Smashers in front of a crowd of civilians recording on their cell phones, using the shield to do it. After Walker ran off they followed him to an empty industrial building where both could see the mental turmoil the man was in. Sam asked for the shield and Walker took it as a threat. In the ensuing battle between the three Walker tried to kill Sam and Bucky was forced to fight unrestrained against the man who insisted he was still Captain America. It took breaking Walker's arm to get the shield from him then Bucky picked up the shield and dropped it beside Sam as he lay on the floor, not caring at that point whether Sam picked it up or not as he was done.
Walker faced a hearing back in the US where he was stripped of his Captain America title as well as his military rank. Sam returned back to Delacroix after a brief stop in Baltimore, while Bucky stayed in Europe tracking Zemo, fulfilling what he saw as his personal responsibility to return him to custody. He found him in what was left of Sokovia, at a memorial to the people who died. Zemo tried to convince him to go after Karli and kill her. In response, Bucky aimed the pistol at Zemo's head and pulled the trigger. It clicked instead of firing and Bucky let the bullets fall through his fingers to the ground, emphasizing for all time to Zemo that he wasn't a killer anymore. The Dora Milaje appeared at that time to escort Zemo to his new home in the Raft, a high security prison located underwater in the Atlantic Ocean. Just before he left Zemo glanced at Bucky.
"Now that Nagel is dead the Power Broker will be looking for a new scientist and a new source of super soldier blood for the serum," he said, looking intently at Bucky as he stopped. "You may want to make sure your son and his mother are safe."
Bucky was startled by this warning. "How did you...," he began.
"I find out things," interrupted Zemo, then glanced at the women warriors, acknowledging they were there for him.
As they walked away Bucky called out. "Ayo," he said. "I have a favour to ask of you."
She turned and looked at him as if that was the last thing she wanted to do for him. "As long as you make yourself scarce in Wakanda for a while," she replied.
He nodded his assent then made his request. She looked at him intently. "I will see what I can do," she promised. "He is a good man so it shouldn't be a problem."
Bucky watched them walk away then pulled his wallet out followed by a business card. He looked at it for a moment, considering his next action, and dialled the number.
"Hey, it's Bucky Barnes," he said to the person on the other end of the call. "I'm in Europe right now but I wonder if I can see you tomorrow or the day after. I don't want to say anything more on an unsecured line but it's important. It has to do with Lacey and Tommy. Thanks, I'll call you when I get to New York."
Two days later Bucky called and met with FBI agent Dan Jones at a coffee kiosk in Greenwich Village. Bucky asked if he wanted one and after paying for the two coffees walked to a bench away from people. Jones sat next to him, looking at Bucky intently.
"What's on your mind?" Jones asked Bucky.
"Do you know where Lacey and Tommy are staying now?" queried Bucky. "I know they aren't with the Bartons anymore."
"I might but I wouldn't tell you," replied Jones. "You really shit the bed on that relationship."
"You heard," said Bucky tersely. "I still love her and Tommy, and I care about keeping them safe. Someone gave me a warning about them. You ever hear of the Power Broker?"
Jones looked at him in surprise. "What interest does the Power Broker have in them?" he asked.
"The Power Broker was behind the serum that made the Flag Smashers into super soldiers," said Bucky. "The man who made the serum for him was killed, and the remainder of the serum was destroyed. I was warned the Power Broker might be looking for a new source of super soldier blood to make more serum. He wouldn't come after me because I can defend myself against a room full of people. Tommy is strong but not strong enough. If they put a gun to Lacey's head ..."
Jones let out a big breath. "Jesus, Bucky," he said. "What do you want me to do?"
"Can you put a detail on them?" asked Bucky. "Surveillance ... something, anything."
"Okay, I'll come up with something," said Jones. He hesitated then continued. "They're doing good, Bucky. Tommy's in school. Lacey is working on her fourth book. For what it's worth I think she still loves you. She hasn't been dating."
Bucky stood up and drained his coffee, dropping the paper cup in the garbage can next to the bench. "Thanks, Dan," he replied, smiling grimly. "I appreciate it. You have my number. Let me know if anyone comes after them."
Jones nodded and watched as Bucky walked away. The revelation that the Power Broker may be interested in Lacey and the boy troubled him. He pulled his cell phone out and made his own call to ask for a meeting. He was sure Nick Fury would want to know this development.
Bucky stayed home in Brooklyn for several days researching the location of more people on his list that he had to make amends to. When he received a shipment from Wakanda, via their embassy in New York, he booked a flight to New Orleans. There he rented a car and drove to Delacroix. After asking where he could find Sam Wilson he was directed to a gathering of people on a dock. He picked Sam out of a group of men gathered near a wrapped engine loaded on the back of a truck. Putting the case from Wakanda down he picked the engine up and lifted it off the truck, putting it down on the dock. He looked back at Sam and the other men, smirking at the faces they made.
"It wasn't that heavy," he said, then he picked up the Wakandan case and put it on the truck. "You needed a new wing suit and I figured the Wakandans could build you a good one so I called in a favour."
At that moment a hose on the boat blew and Sam jumped on the boat to tighten the fastener on the hose. Bucky could see Sam didn't know much about boats and jumped on beside him, taking the wrench and explaining he had to turn the fastener up to tighten it. Then he checked out the boat, thinking it reminded him of when he worked on the Brooklyn docks.
"Can I help?" he offered. Sam nodded and Bucky noticed a woman watching them, who he assumed was Sam's sister. He waved at her. "I'm Bucky."
"Sarah," she replied smiling then turned away, a little flustered.
Sam looked from Bucky to his sister and back again. "What about Lacey?" he asked.
Bucky made a face. "I kind of messed things up with her," he replied. "Your sister seems nice."
"No!" said Sam. "Don't even think of it."
Bucky gave a cheeky grin then followed Sam to another part of the boat. For the next few hours he helped with the repairs. They talked about the Flag Smashers and Bucky told him about Zemo's thoughts on the matter. As it got close to sunset they stopped to have a beer. After draining his last one Bucky told Sam he had a flight to take the next day and was going to get a hotel for the night. Sam, being the man he was asked him to crash at his place as long as Bucky didn't flirt with his sister. Bucky laughed again, knowing he had made Sam uncomfortable with his mild flirting. He slept on the couch without any nightmares until he woke up to the sounds of Sarah's boys, A.J. and Cass, play fighting with the shield. For a time he watched them, a soft smile on his face.
"Good morning," he said to the boys who desperately tried to get the shield back in its cover before running off.
For several moments he lay on the couch before deciding he should get up. Learning that Sam was already at the dock, Bucky made his way there, finding him working on the engine. Seeing he needed two sets of hand Bucky helped him with a part, which made Sam stand back and look at him with new eyes.
"Where did you learn about boats?" Sam asked.
"Brooklyn," replied Bucky. "I worked the docks there after I graduated from high school. Couldn't afford college until I made some money. It was still the Depression in 1935."
Sam suggested they work on the water pump so they pulled it apart then began rebuilding it. Sarah came, looking critically at what they had done and ordered them away from the dock. She had her no nonsense voice going so both men obeyed and returned to the house where Bucky tried to teach Sam how to throw the shield. They had a heart to heart talk while they threw it around and Bucky apologized to Sam for getting in his face about giving up the shield. He explained how the shield was the closest thing he had to a family. When Sam retired the shield, it made Bucky feel like he had nothing left and was truly alone. The counsellor in Sam stopped and listened intently as Bucky told him the decision made him question everything about Steve, Sam, and even himself. It was a humbling experience that Bucky trusted him enough to tell him these things, calmly but with feeling. Sam asked him about the nightmares and Bucky admitted he still had them. In his mind they were proof that he was still there, in those situations. It was also proof, in his mind, that the Winter Soldier was still in him. He coloured for a moment then opened up even more.
"That's why I left Lacey," he said emotionally. "We were right in the middle of amazing sex and I had a vision of the Winter Soldier tying her up and doing terrible things to her. I pulled out, took the condom off and left her in her bed. I hid out on the farm until Steve found me in the morning and I asked him if we could leave. I was afraid of hurting her physically, Sam. Instead I broke her heart and I don't think she'll ever forgive me for that. Tommy spit on me. That's how much I hurt him by it."
Bucky turned away, coughed and wiped his eyes trying not to break down. Sam watched for a moment then put his hand on Bucky's shoulder in commiseration.
"I'm sorry," he said. "That had to be tough for you to do."
"Well, it's done," shrugged Bucky. "If you have any advice on that or my other issues I'd appreciate it."
"This making amends, is it part of your conditional pardon?" asked Sam. Bucky nodded. "Well making amends is more than just saying sorry. It might make you feel better but it does nothing for the families of your ... sorry, the Soldier's victims."
"It wasn't just that," replied Bucky. "I know that there isn't anyone from HYDRA who will make amends to them. Part of me still feels responsible so I accepted the task. I've already identified and helped arrest several people who benefitted from HYDRA's and the Soldier's actions."
"Yeah, and that was good but that was just stopping the bad guys from getting away with it. Some people, especially the surviving family need to know what went down, how their loved one died. Only you can tell them."
"There's a lot of those," said Bucky, somewhat despondently.
"Okay, all it takes is one to start the healing," replied Sam. "That will be the hardest one. The next one won't be quite so hard. You'll give them closure and perhaps in the process you can forgive yourself along the way. For what it's worth, I don't think it was fair to put this all on you. You were their victim as well and no one has made amends to you, have they?"
Bucky considered his words then looked at Sam appraisingly. "You're not bad at this counsellor stuff," he stated. "I'll never get an apology for what I went through but I can deal with it. Maybe not well, or quickly, but I will."
Sam smiled and nodded. They both stepped towards each other, sharing a pound hug, and Bucky asked Sam to call him when he had a lead on Karli Morgenthau. Bucky turned away to walk to his rental car, then turned back to Sam.
"What about Lacey?" he asked loudly. "How do I fix that?"
"A lot of grovelling," suggested Sam. "I haven't had a girlfriend in over 5 years so you're going to have to figure that one out on your own. She is the mother of your son so she's worth it."
"Yeah, she is," Bucky agreed.
A few hours later he was back in Brooklyn. On the way to his flat he passed a bookstore and on impulse went inside where he noticed they had a display of women authors. They had Lacey's second book and her third. He smiled softly when he saw the title of the third, His Blue Eyes. It was published during the Blip, when no one knew the decimated would return someday. Set in a 2018 that didn't experience the Blip, it told of a chance encounter between a woman writer and a man who had to go into hiding. The ripples from their encounter affected the lives of their friends and colleagues. It also explored the long distance relationship they had until an act of heroism changed their lives forever. The dedication page was emotional for Bucky.
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For B. There will be never be another like you. You gave me the greatest gift.
L.C.C. December, 2021
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As he paid for it the clerk looked at him strangely, noticing his blue eyes, then recognizing him when he saw the artificial hand.
"You're Bucky Barnes," he said. "I've read this book. You don't strike me as the type of guy who would read something like this."
Bucky looked at him calmly. "I know the author," he replied. "I have her other books, including her first one, written under a different name."
"It's a good book," said the clerk. "Most people think it's a typical romance novel but there's a lot more in it, about longing for someone who is out of reach. There's a sense of loneliness to it, of being held hostage by fate and circumstance, things they had no control over. I also liked all the ripples their initial meeting created, changing the lives of people close to them. I've heard rumours of a possible movie."
Bucky smiled kindly at him. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled with that," he stated, then picked up the book and nodded at the clerk before leaving.
It took him two days to read it and when he finished he knew it was about them, even though she changed all of the circumstances, and the character's names and back stories. The book store clerk was right about it being more than a romance novel. Lacey captured the sense of longing felt by both characters, even though they attempted to carry on with their lives. The side stories described the effect their encounter had on their circle of friends exploring the inter-connectivity between people. The biggest difference, of course, was the main male character in the book stayed dead after his act of heroism whereas Bucky came back. He was surprised to find the second part of the book explored how the main female character Lauren ended up with a different man but the more he thought about it the more sense it made. His own initial advice to Lacey had been to find a good man and take a chance on love with him. If he never came back from the Blip he wished she would have found someone, a good man, to live her life with.
While he waited to hear from Sam he set about tackling his list of names in the little notebook. It was hard, especially to the families of those he had killed. Some threatened to kill him, some to sue him, but he left their homes knowing he had given them an answer. One woman's response surprised him with its unexpected emotion. His victim's daughter had let out a visible breath when he told her what he had done to her father then looked at her hands before talking.
"My dad wasn't the best man," she said calmly as she sat in a chair across from him, looking at him intently. "He had issues, and he raised his hand to my mom and me more than once. We suspected he was involved in something shady so when his body was found we weren't surprised. Surprisingly, he had a life insurance policy and the money helped both me and my mother to start over. I was able to go to college. She was able to enjoy a comfortable life until she died of cancer." She turned to Bucky. "I know what you're doing because I've been in therapy for this love – hate relationship I still have with my dad. I hope you find the closure you're looking for but I won't forgive you because there's nothing to forgive. Instead I thank you for killing him and freeing us from a lifetime of abuse. I truly believe he would have killed one or both of us if he had lived."
Several days after meeting with that woman he heard from Sam that the likely target of the Flag Smashers was the GRC council, meeting in New York later that evening. Bucky promised to meet him at the location and hurried back to his flat to change. When he arrived at the site of the meeting he was allowed in through the security perimeter. Apparently he was already known as an Avenger. A person did challenge him, then removed a nano mask, revealing Sharon Carter's face. She offered her help and together they went closer to the building where the GRC council was being evacuated. Sam told them to keep people in the building as he realized the Flag Smashers wanted them outside and exposed. As Bucky walked, a woman with a security ID gave him a phone, saying it was Karli. He looked at the screen and was puzzled that the call came on a phone app, not through the cell phone itself.
It was Karli on the other end and she tried to convince him to join her. He tried to convince her that she was going about things the wrong way by pointing out that all this death she was causing wouldn't make the nightmares go away because she would remember everyone she killed. Once more he asked her not to do this but she laughed lightly and told him not to get involved. When he pointed out he already was she laughed again and thanked him for his time. She hung up making Bucky realize she had been delaying him from intervening. He ran to the parking garage and took a motor bike, hoping he could catch up to the transports the council members were obviously on. It took several blocks but he saw the vehicles stopped at a barrier and several Flag Smashers gathering between them. Pressing on the accelerator he aimed the motor bike at the barrier, then applied the front brakes causing the back wheel to come up. He flew over the barrier, flying into the chest of the biggest man the Flag Smashers had, knocking them both away from the others. While he fought him he noticed the others set fire to one of the vehicles and quickly disabled the man he was fighting with. Running to the vehicle he pulled on the handle, trying to force open the door. Noticing an extra lock on the door Bucky hit it with all of his might several times, eventually breaking it. Then he pulled on the door handle again and it finally gave way. He helped the people out, telling them to go. The last man stopped and thanked Bucky for saving them, a sentiment that caught him by surprise.
Turning he saw several Flag Smashers beating a man who was on the ground and realized it was John Walker. Running towards them he saw one about to hit him with a parking meter and launched himself into the man. Another Flag Smasher came at him and he recognized Karli's hair. Grabbing a piece of chain that was within reach he hit her with it but she shook it off and kicked him, sending him over a barrier and down several stories to the ground. As he looked up he saw another one jumping towards him holding a steel beam as a weapon. Raising his vibranium arm it took the brunt of the hit then he grabbed the steel beam and tore it from the other guy's hands. He hit him several times until the man didn't get up again. A sound from above made him look up and he saw the other vehicle teetering at the edge of the structure, slowly breaking through the beams that were supporting it. Knowing he couldn't stop it he watched helplessly until it suddenly began to inch backwards and he realized that someone, hopefully Walker, was trying to keep it from falling. When Walker suddenly fell, with two Flag Smashers hanging on to him, the vehicle began breaking through the structure again. Only this time, it was stopped as Sam and his new suit had the strength to keep it from falling. Pulling Walker out the way Bucky watched in awe as Sam was able to push it back up to safety at the top of the structure. He could hear people cheering above as Sam hovered over the scene and knew they had accepted him as Captain America.
A sound from behind him made him turn in time to intercept a metal bar thrown to kill him by Karli. She attacked Bucky but was hit by the shield as Sam descended into the space. Suddenly smoke bombs were shot into their midst and they lost sight of her. Sam looked around then turned to the other two yelling to follow him while he ran into the smoke. As they ran through a tunnel Sam's display showed that the three Flag Smashers had split up. Bucky and Walker took the path of two of them while Sam continued following the one. Their path quickly petered out and Bucky led Walker through the maze of construction then back out into the open.
"Shit," swore Walker. "What now, Bucky?"
Bucky took the phone out that the security person gave him. "I have an idea," he said. "They have an app. Maybe I can lure them here."
Quickly he opened the app and smiled when it showed him everyone else who had the app. He entered a message then they both stood back and waited to see who showed up. Within minutes three figures came out from the construction site, stopping when they saw the other two men. Walker quoted Abraham Lincoln with a smile, impressed at Bucky's improvisation. Bucky held the phone up to the three Flag Smashers, commenting on the app as sirens and flashing lights heralded the arrival of the police. They were surrounded by a heavily armed tactical squad and the three Flag Smashers were taken into custody.
Together Walker and Bucky walked towards where several ambulances had been parked. As they walked in between they saw Sam fly in carrying the lifeless body of Karli Morgenthau. The media were throwing questions at Sam but he just ignored them, instead facing the people on the GRC council who were still there. Bucky watched as Sam challenged every one of their decisions which he believed had set off the time bomb of the Flag Smashers movement. Then he laid it all on the line, telling them they had no right to make decisions for billions of people without having them represented. It was inspiring stuff. After when Sam approached him Bucky pretended he had been texting the entire time which made Sam laugh. In Bucky's mind, the shield was now in good hands and he left with Carter to get her some medical attention feeling pretty good about what they had prevented.
Back in his neighbourhood later Bucky found himself outside where Yori Nakajima lived. For some time he stared at the building entrance from the sidewalk then he went up the steps and up to the floor where Yori lived. Slowly he walked to the old man's door and knocked. Yori was surprised to see him as it wasn't Wednesday, their usual day to spend together but still invited him in, asking what Bucky wanted.
Sombrely Bucky told him it was about the murder of Yori's son, RJ. He told him the Winter Soldier had been responsible for it and that he, Bucky, had been the Winter Soldier. His voice was shaking as he said it and the old man looked at him with hurt confusion on his face then asked why. All Bucky could offer was that he didn't have a choice and the old man's face suddenly displayed all the grief he had held inside for so long. He looked away from Bucky then stood up and walked to the shrine he had dedicated to his son, saying nothing. With sadness Bucky stood up and went to the door, looking at the broken man he had just hurt all over again. There was nothing further he could do for Yori; no condolences, no support, nothing he could ever say would help the sweet old man who had been his friend.
That night Bucky broke into Dr. Raynor's office and left her a gift bag with a note thanking her for all of her help. Inside the bag was his notebook with every name inside crossed off. Then he went home and opened the new notebook he bought and wrote in two names that he still had to atone to. Lacey Chapman and Tommy Chapman. He didn't put their names in the first book because they weren't victims of the Winter Soldier. Their pain was all on him, James Buchanan Barnes, and even if it took years he would find a way to make up for what he did to them. Maybe, just maybe they could forgive him. The following day he walked past the sushi bar and saw Yori sitting at the counter while Leah poured his sake. She looked at Bucky through the window but said nothing and he wondered if Yori told her about the confession. Subtly he nodded his head and took a breath before continuing on his way. He stopped in front of his building then turned and looked around the neighbourhood. It had been somewhat familiar to him when he first got the flat but it wasn't home anymore. He could see that now. Home was where he would be welcomed and he knew it was somewhere else.
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If you wish to read Lacey's book His Blue Eyes I have written it and it is fully published on Wattpad, under my user name SJSmith56. I hope you find it entertaining as Lacey used all the people she had come in contact with while she was pregnant and raising Tommy on her own as inspiration for many of the characters in the book she wrote after Bucky was turned to dust in the Blip. It has attracted some other readership already.