The following day after breakfast, fourteen of us went to the river. From the signs on the street we found out it was called Roanoke River. Mika, Judith, my mother, Maggie, Joshua and Sasha had stayed behind while the rest of us just couldn't say no.

The river was only two blocks away and after checking there were no walkers nearby or even in the water, some of us just relaxed for a bit. I took off my shoes and socks and let myself just enjoy the feeling of the water.

Glenn, Rosita, Daryl and Heather went a little bit further to try to fish. Carl wanted to learn, so Rick let him go under Daryl's watch. Tara, Eugene, Gabriel and Noah were filling bottles with water and thanks to Rosita we had learnt how to clean the water before boiling it. The water here was very clear and it seemed safe but we didn't want to take any chances.

The rest of us were just around the river, keeping watch, in case walkers or even humans came. I was right next to Rick the whole time. He seemed worn out and sad.

"We're almost there," I reminded him with a smile.

And we really were. Based on Eugene's calculations we could reach Virginia between forty and sixty minutes, depending what path we take and how fast we go. Richmond, however, was further and it should take us no more than two additional hours. But if we ran out of gas or if the streets were blocked then that would make us lose some time.

"Yes but what are we going to do afterwards? We can't really fool ourselves and think that neighbourhood is still there," Rick told me.

"Why are you making us all go if you believe we won't find anything? I asked him.

"Well, Beth wanted this and she's gone. She promised him and now I feel like it's our job to keep that promise," Rick told me and I just looked away. "And we have no place now. If this community is still there maybe we could stay, or be safer there. I don't know. I just feel like it's something we must do. You don't want to go?"

"Not really," I admitted. "I miss Georgia."

"Maybe we need a change, Cici."

"Maybe."

After a while, Rick decided he didn't want to waste more time. So, three of the six of us that were just keeping guard should check the houses nearby for supplies. Daryl had caught one fish, so Rick wanted to stay longer and get more. It was healthy, fresh and better than eating chips or expired food.

Rick, Michonne and I left to search for things. Being the three of us together felt like before we all got reunited. It was just us plus Carl.

In the first house, Rick searched the first floor, I went upstairs and Michonne went to the basement. This house had three rooms and a study. In the first room I only found a toy for Judith, the kid there was around three so the clothes were too big for Judith but I got a blanket for her. The next room, which belonged to a young boy, was a waste of time.

I walked to the master bedroom and took my time there. I knew he didn't need it but I got a blue shirt for Daryl, the father seemed to be Daryl's size. There were no women's clothes there but I grabbed a red cap from the father. Sometimes the sun was too bad.

In his nightstand I found some medicine which I took and put inside a plastic bag and under the bed I found a flashlight. There was nothing in the study. I went down and while Rick was checking the back garden, I looked inside the cars in the garage. And I couldn't believe my luck, in the glove compartment I found a gun and hidden in the trunk I found ammunition.

Rick didn't do that bad either, he found an axe in the shed and some cans of food. Michonne found three big fishing knives and fishing hooks. Rick then got even more gas from the two cars in the garage.

Since it was only the first house, we did signs to Glenn and Abraham so they could come get the things we found so we could continue looking. We moved to the second house, this house was way smaller as it was only one floor and the basement. Again, Michonne went to the basement, while Rick and I looked in the rooms and kitchen for anything useful or edible.

"You look better," Rick mentioned as we were inside the walking closet of the master bedroom. "Physically. You are not as pale anymore. Back when it was just us, I always feared you'd just drop and faint at any point. You have some colour back in your cheeks again."

"What can I say? They took care of me at the hospital," I said with a shrug. "All I needed was some hydration, food and a good rest."

"Did your knuckles end up like that while resting?" Rick asked sarcastically as he glanced at my hands as I looked inside a drawer.

"Kinda," I said and shrugged at him.

"What happened in there? Your mother was unconscious so she doesn't know anything," Rick told me. "Why did you beat up someone? Did they do something to you?"

"No, they were actually alright," I admitted. "But I had a feeling they wouldn't just let me go."

"I had a look at everyone, everyone looked pretty good except for one person." I stopped looking and took a deep breath. Why everyone always want to talk about things I want to leave in the past?

"Say it then," I told him as I turned to face him. "Ask and let's get it over with."

"Did you hit Beth?"

"Yes," I said nodding. "I did."

"Why?"

"She was saying horrible things to me, and yes, I know, I should have probably not done it. I may have overreacted, but do I regret it? I don't think so. Like, if she was alive right now, I wouldn't feel bad about it."

"What did she say?"

"Things concerning what happened to me when it was just you, Carl and me after the prison," I said uncomfortably. "Like not exactly that but it was related to that and she said I got Sean killed, that he was a good guy. Ever since she said his name, I can't stop seeing him in my dreams or whenever I close my eyes at night… chasing me, trapping me."

"I'm not saying you were wrong, I just wanted to know," Rick told me. "You got over Sean once, you can do it again."

"I never got fully over what happened, I just got my mind busier with other things so I wouldn't think about all of that. And now I think about him and everything that has happened about Beth and I can hear her words in my mind every time my mind gets quiet," I said as I bit my lip.

"Well, don't let it affect you, okay?" Rick said as he looked right into my eyes. "As I said, you look better but your mood has also improved. You are smiling again. You have life in your eyes again."

"I'm working on it… On just get over it and accept things."

"Well, it seems like it is working, so don't let that bring you down again."

"Don't tell Maggie or Glenn, please."

"Of course not, they don't have to know."

We searched a few more houses until Rick decided we should keep going. We packed everything and got ready for the journey ahead. Carol was going to drive the SUV while Maggie was going to drive the pick up.

Daryl was ready on his motorcycle, he was only waiting for me. I smiled and sat behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. I left a kiss on his left shoulder before we left. He said nothing but I knew I made him smile.

Maggie was on the lead, followed by Carol, and lastly us. We might not have something to rest our backs but I was sure Daryl and I felt free while riding the motorcycle. I was never a huge fan but I had learnt to enjoy riding on one, especially with Daryl.

As expected, it took us about an hour to reach the end of North Carolina. We weren't driving that fast so we actually could appreciate the black sign on the border of the state. Unlike other signs, this one was black and the letters were white. And it had a big red heart on the left side of it. It read, WELCOME TO VIRGINIA. And under those words, there were smaller words that read VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS. And in the word lovers, the 'v' was replaced by another red heart.

"Guess this is our state," Daryl exclaimed to me as we drove past the sign.

I said nothing, only tightened my embrace around his waist but I did blush at his words. Even after more than a year of dating, even after being engaged, he still made me blush constantly.

About forty-five minutes later we found a church, the name was Bethlehem Baptist Church. Gabriel was super excited we had decided to stay at a church. The others didn't really care as long as it was safe.

I was actually eyeing one of the bibles and reading it at random when I felt strong arms wrapping around my waist from behind. I smiled, knowing it was Daryl.

"Hi there," he whispered into my ear. "My lover."

I couldn't deny those words plus the proximity of his lips to my ear sent shivers up and down my body. He left a kiss on my neck before I turned around to face him. As I did, I noticed there was absolutely no one inside the church, probably that's why he was being so touchy with me.

"Hey," I whispered as I stared at his lips, wanting to kiss him. He noticed. He smirked at me. He leant in but not enough so our lips didn't touch. He was teasing me now. I leant in but he got further from me, I only looked at him, annoyed.

He chuckled then, that sound made me smile too. And then when Daryl got distracted, I got on my tiptoes and finally pecked his lip. He smiled at me and then kissed the top of my forehead.

"Stealing kisses now, huh?" he muttered with a small smirk.

"What can I say?" I shrugged innocently. "Need to take those chances when I can."

"Can I tell you something?" he asked shyly.

"Of course," I said with a smile to encourage him.

"This is the very first time I've ever left Georgia," he told me as he looked down at the ground.

"Why are you ashamed of that?" I asked him. "So many people only travelled within their state. So… are you excited?"

"Well, I'd be more excited if the world was back to what it was but yeah, it's cool."

"You've been in three new states in the last two weeks, I think you are doing pretty good," I told him with a smile on my lips. "I hadn't been to North Carolina or Virginia before."

"So this is new for both of us," Daryl commented.

"Yeah."

Knowing that little information about Daryl made me once again excited. I even felt like just keep going and going so he could see more of the world. If I had known before I would have probably not been in such an awful mood and would have explored more with Daryl if we had had the chance.

"Was New York better than all of this?" Daryl asked.

"Nope. It was always too crowded and loud and I don't know, I prefer small towns, I guess," I said with a shrug. "Florida was nice, the beach was only twenty minutes away by bus. I was there for only two months but I went to the beach often."

"Yeah, a beach would be nice."

"Hey! Daryl! Cici!" Glenn shouted from the entrance of the church. "Food is ready."

We smiled at each other and both walked out of the church. They had cooked the fish Daryl and the others had captured earlier today and we also opened some cans of food as I was allergic to fish.

I think we were all a bit nostalgic about leaving Georgia and being all the way up to Virginia, so no one complaint about not moving forward after lunch. People actually voted to stay the night there.

"After all the bad things that have happened," Daryl told me as we were on watch later that night. "Maybe leaving Georgia will be good for us and for everyone else. We can move on and leave all that behind."

"I hope so," I mumbled.

"No! Please! Stop! Please!"

I was on a chair, my legs were tied to the chair and my hands were also tied behind my back. I tried to break free but all my attempts had been in vain. The two people in front of me just laughed at me.

"You are nothing," the girl said to me. "You are pathetic."

"You ruined it," the guy said to me as he hit me on the head with the butt of his gun. I could feel blood flowing right where the impact was.

Wherever I was, it was very dark, I didn't even know if we were in a basement with no windows or just in a random place at night with absolutely no light. It was very cold as well and my body was aching and the hit to my head made everything so blurry.

"I can't even understand how you still like her," the girl said. "She is not worth it."

"She's just confused, tricked by that old guy," he said. "She's been groomed for months, she wasn't like this when I met her."

"Whatever… This actually could work in my favour," the girl said as her figure got less blurry. I could tell she was blonde and not too tall. Probably shorter than me. She had some injuries on her face. "You keep her and I keep Daryl."

At that moment, I could see even clearer and the room got slightly lighter as well. There in front of me was Beth speaking to Sean. She looked terrible from the beating I gave her.

"That sounds like a plan," Sean said with a twisted smile. "Except, I still want to kill him."

"If he starts to notice me, you won't need to kill him."

"I guess you'll have to kill him," I spoke up. "And me! Because he'll never like you and I will never leave him."

"We'll see about that," Sean told me.

Beth walked to me and this time it was her who hit me. She actually punched me really hard in the stomach, making it extremely hard to breathe. She laughed at me. She was enjoying it. My upper body tried to bend, like in a way to protect myself and it also was impossible for me to sit straight from the pain.

Sean also got closer to me, I could hear his footsteps, which were heavier and louder than Beth's. He grabbed my hair forcefully and pulled my head up, making me look straight at him. I didn't look away, showing him I wasn't scared of him but I freaked out when I saw he was leaning in to kiss me.

"No!" I yelled and I started to struggle. My hands and feet were still tied and there wasn't much I could do. "Please, don't! Stop it, Sean! Please!"

I yelled loudly and I sat up. I looked around quickly and noticed I was in another room, it wasn't as dark. I tried to touch the side of my stomach where Beth hit me and that's when I realised my hands weren't tied anymore.

"Cecilia, it's alright," Daryl said softly to me.

I looked down at my body and noticed I was sitting on the hard floor of the church. I wasn't tied to a chair anymore. I touched my forehead and quickly checked if there was blood but there wasn't. I stared at my hands as if I didn't believe I was free. I noticed my hands were shaking badly.

"Cecilia!"

I looked up and that's when I noticed five people were looking down at me worryingly. Daryl was on my left with his hand on my left shoulder, caressing it, trying to comfort me. Rick was next to him, knelt on one knee, looking very concerned. He was the other person who said my name.

Then right in the middle I saw Tara, she looked scared and like she wanted to help but she didn't know how. Then on her left I saw Gabriel. He offered me a smile when I turned to look at him but I didn't really return it. And lastly I saw Glenn. He looked concerned and confused.

"It was only a bad dream," Tara whispered to me.

"It's alright," Gabriel added.

I hadn't noticed until then but I was drenched in sweat and I was crying, when I noticed my tears, more just kept coming. I turned to my left and quickly wrapped my arms around Daryl and hid my face on his chest. He was taken aback but he still hugged me tightly and then ran one hand up and down my back as he soothed me.

"You are safe," Daryl whispered in my ear. "It's over. I got ya!"

"They had me," I whispered in a hoarse voice. "I couldn't do anything."

"It was just a dream," Rick said, he hadn't left. I heard some people leaving and I assumed everyone had left.

A couple of minutes later Daryl let go of me. I looked up and saw Tara with a dry shirt and Gabriel with a bottle of water. Daryl took the bottle and Gabriel walked away to give us privacy. Daryl handed it to me and I drank about half. Glenn then took the bottle from me.

I closed my eyes and I saw Sean and Beth coming at me with matching twisted smiles so I opened them again quickly.

I tried to stand up and I realised I had a very bad headache. My hand went straight to the side of my face, right where Sean had hit me. I asked for the water again and this time I drank it all. Glenn took the empty bottle, he looked so concerned.

"I'm fine," I whispered, mostly to calm Glenn and Tara. Glenn didn't know about Beth and Tara didn't know about her or Sean. People have nightmares often but normally they don't wake up other people by their screams.

"You don't look fine," Glenn mentioned as he looked at my hands, as they kept shaking. I crossed my arms in front of me to hide my hands.

"It was just a very bad dream," I told him.

"Does he still haunt you?" Glenn asked me, he, as well as the others, heard me very clearly yell the name of my attacker.

"It was better," I admitted. "It recently got worse. But I'm fine. No need to worry. You can go back to sleep."

"We weren't sleeping," Tara told me. "Gabriel, Glenn, RIck and I were keeping watch when we heard you. Gabriel went back to keep an eye."

I started to shake, but this time not from the impression the dream had on me but from the cold. Daryl noticed my teeth were even chattering. He asked Tara to give him the shirt. After that, Glenn and Rick turned around to give me privacy as Daryl took the wet shirt off of me and quickly put on the other one.

But I was still cold so he took off his vest and also put it on me and then sat behind me and rubbed both my arms quickly with his hands to warm them up.

"I got ya," Daryl whispered into my ear once again and I nodded at him to let him know I heard him. "I won't let anything happen to you."

After a few minutes I finally stopped shivering and I calmed down. I felt okayish, only a bit embarrassed that four other people besides Daryl had seen me so exposed. Had I even mentioned Beth while I was sleeping? Did they hear that? Or did I only say his name?

"Why don't you guys go rest? Cecilia and I can keep watch now. I doubt either of us will go back to bed, besides it's very close to dawn."

"Why don't you guys go to the back of the church? Gabriel and I will keep watch here in the front. Tara and Glenn, you can go rest."

Tara hesitantly nodded at Rick and as she walked to where she was supposed to sleep, she took several glances my way. It was only a nightmare, I was fine.

Glenn also nodded but told Daryl to wake him up if we needed him. He flashed me a small smile and then went to lie down next to Maggie.

Daryl and Rick offered me both their hands and I took them and they helped me up. I was really feeling a lot better after the water and the dry clothes.

Rick nodded at me and then went to stand next to Gabriel, while Daryl led me into one of the rooms of the church. It had a back door which led to a small porch. There were three chairs and a hanging swing chair. We sat on the swing, He sat first and then told me to sit on him. I did as I was told. I leant against his chest, resting my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around my waist as he slowly started to swing us.

"I guess it will take a bit longer to leave everything behind," I softly said as I put my hands on top of his.

"What happened in that hospital? You've had so many nightmares since we got you back," Daryl mentioned.

"I already told you I'll tell you everything once we get to that place in RIchmond and we have some more privacy and after that we can move on and never mention it again. Move on from all of that."

"I can't promise you we won't ever mention it again, like some things are not as easy to get over, you know? But yeah, we can talk later. I just want to make sure you are alright and I don't want you keeping things in."

"I'll tell you everything. I just don't want anyone to eavesdrop or walk in on us or having to tell the story in parts, you know? I want to have enough time away from the others so we can talk."

"Fair enough."

I looked from our hands to what was in front of us, which was mostly only trees but I could notice it was getting lighter and lighter and the sky was changing from a dark, very dark blue, almost black to a lighter shade and I could even see some red starting to appear.

I was enjoying my time with Daryl. He made me feel safe, as if nothing or no one could ever harm me. Just his presence made me feel calmer, no matter how bad the situation was.

As more time passed, the sky got redder and I could see more colours, some pink and some yellows as well. It was absolutely beautiful. I hadn't seen a nice sunrise in quite a long time.

We stayed like that for probably one more hour, nobody bothered us but we could hear more people had woken up. And we knew the time was approaching for us to leave so, reluctantly, I stood up first. It was very light already, the sunrise had come and gone by now. But it had helped me to feel better.

"Thank you," I said, as I bent forward and pecked Daryl's lips.

"No need to thank me," he said as he also stood up. "I just want to see you well."

Around 9:00 or 10:00 we all got our few things and got into the vehicles. This time we avoided the highway so we could maybe spot places where we could find more supplies. We had a lot of food but we were twenty people, all that food wouldn't last us very long. And after spending a few weeks running on nothing except some cereal every once in a while, we wanted to make sure we wouldn't go starving soon.

We stopped at this city called Petersburg. There were a lot of good places where we could find supplies but as any other city, it was more dangerous.

We drove around the area, trying to look for a nice place where we could eat lunch and where the kids and certain members could stay while we went looking for supplies. Daryl and I went ahead as it was easier for us to go on a motorcycle than with a car.

After about ten minutes of going around and trying to spot a nice place, I finally saw something we could use. It was a white building of two stories. The white wasn't so white anymore as no one had painted it in about two years but it looked promising. There was a big red six on the front.

The motel had easily fifty rooms, if not more. I suppose we could use it. So, Daryl drove back to the others and they followed us there. Rick seemed to like the idea.

Abraham, Rosita, Rick, Glenn, Daryl and I checked the lobby, the hallways, the kitchen and dining area for walkers and for any clue that could mean that people were living here. Surprisingly we only found three walkers and no food or any other thing that could mean people were here.

We decided to check thirteen rooms in the very back so we could have an emergency exit nearby in case we couldn't escape through the main entrance if anything happened. We also knocked on the rest of the rooms to see if there were walkers inside but we heard nothing.

We all got inside one room and we started eating our lunch. It was a bit crowded but that's how we felt safe, being all together.

Once we were done, we were preparing ourselves to go for a run and deciding who was going with who when Judith started to have diarrhoea, so Rick actually had to stay behind and asked us to bring him diapers and possibly some medicine for her. And it wouldn't be bad if we found a change of clothes.

So, Rick stayed with Judith, Carl and Mika. Maggie and Tyreese also stayed, they said they would search the place even more, to make it safe for everyone. Carl obviously offered to help them.

Michonne, Carol, Glenn, Joshua and Noah were one group, Rosita, Abraham, Eugene, Sasha and Heather were a second group, and Gabriel, Daryl, Tara and I were the last group. Group one went left, group two went right and us, group three, went straight,

The first place we found was a good-sized convenience store. There were two walkers inside, which Tara and Daryl killed quickly. It was surprisingly not empty. There were many things that were edible and that would help us.

There was an aisle for souvenirs and weirdly enough I went there. I got a hat because the sun was really bad and also got a white shirt with black letters that said VA and a big heart under the letters. I had lost the hat that I had gotten from the first house we checked before crossing the border, it went flying off when Daryl accelerated a bit too much on the motorcycle.

After we got several stuff we left and three blocks away we found a big CVS. There were about ten walkers inside but nothing we couldn't manage. There, Tara got some Pedialyte so we could all get rehydrated, and got some water as well.

I grabbed a cart and went straight to the baby aisle. Judith needed diapers. I stood right in front of the shelf looking for the right size for her. She was already one year old so I assumed she would need diapers for eighteen months. I wasn't too sure and wondered if they were going to be big for her or just right. Should I get the ones for two-year olds?

I grabbed both, not deciding which one to take and it wasn't like she wouldn't use them anyway, so why not? I stayed there for a bit, looking at all the things. I saw the bottles, the pacifiers, the bibs and I felt this sadness overwhelming me.

"And he's always wanted a kid, it's obvious, so I'll give him something he's always wanted that you can't or just won't give him because you don't care about him and…"

I closed my eyes tightly as I heard Beth's voice in my head. If she had known about my failed pregnancy, what would she have said? Would she have made fun of it? Would she tell me that's why I wasn't enough for Daryl? Or accuse me of ending it myself? Or maybe even accuse me of fabricating the lie to not lose Daryl to her? Who knows?

'It wasn't a baby, it was only a fetus. Meant nothing,' A voice in my head said. I shook my head, wanting to get rid of that voice. 'You aren't even supposed to be sad.'

As I was hearing all those thoughts in my mind, I grabbed a pacifier and stared at it. It was a light purple colour. The package box where it was had a picture of a baby girl younger than Judith, probably six or eight months old. She was smiling with the pacifier in her mouth.

'I'll never have kids. I'd be terrible as a mother. Besides, the world is crap, can you imagine bringing kids into this craphole? That would be so evil. If I ever change my mind, I'll take care of the kids that are already in this world and need a home," almost nineteen-year-old me said to Teresa a couple of months after getting out of prison.

Not long after we got out, Teresa thought she might be pregnant and told me it wouldn't be so bad if she was but she would need to move out of New York as everything was way too expensive. She was actually excited and I couldn't understand it. I guess she never had a crappy childhood. She wasn't scared of making the same mistakes her parents did or scared of becoming her parents. I had already dated a guy who tried to mistreat me, so what if I was attracting guys that were like my father? I didn't want the cycle to continue. I didn't want to be like my mother and pretend like everything would be okay while my child suffers and gets damaged.

Besides not healing completely, I was terrified of finding another guy like Peter. Someone who would be even worse than him, that's why I didn't even try to date someone else. That's why I stayed single for so long.

Who would have known that if the prison hadn't been attacked and maybe if the Governor hadn't called me to see me closer, just maybe, I would be gathering this sort of stuff right now, not for Judith but for my own kid? Maybe it would have crossed my mind to end it the moment I would have found out I was indeed pregnant but I'm sure I wouldn't have been capable of actually doing it. And knowing the way Daryl feels, I could never hurt him that deep and in that way.

And who knows? Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Maybe we could have made it work, maybe I wouldn't suck at it as I thought I would. Maybe it wasn't too crazy to think about it.

"You alright?"

I jumped and in the process I let go of the pacifier, which fell on the ground. I turned to my right and saw Gabriel standing there. He looked at me so concerned and I felt ashamed.

"I'm fine, I'm just a bit worried about Judith," I said as I picked up the pacifier and put it back in its place.

"Lying is a sin," he told me and I bit my lip. "You wanted to talk back at the church, was it about this?"

"I don't even know," I told him.

"I heard you and Daryl talk the other night, and I heard you while you were having that nightmare last night."

"Did I say anything about this?" I asked as I looked at the shelf and then at Gabriel who nodded and I felt myself going red and my heart started to beat faster. It was embarrassing enough for me to be saying Sean's name outloud but this was even worse.

"Don't worry, Rick and Tara didn't hear it. They got there after. Is there anything you want to talk about? I can pray for you if you want."

For some reason, I didn't feel angry when he asked me to talk to him like when my mother had. I didn't feel ashamed to even consider speaking to him like when I had to tell Rick about it. I just didn't even know how to bring it up.

"I found out the girl we buried was called Beth… was she the girl in your dreams last night? Why were you having a nightmare about her? Was it because she died?"

"No, not really," I whispered. "That wasn't the reason."

"What is the reason then?"

"I'm just confused. She was my friend but she betrayed me and she said some stuff that really triggered me and I can't get those words out of my head. I beat her up back at that hospital and she is dead now and I feel guilty even though she provoked me. Even though her betrayal was worse than what I did to her, I still feel pretty bad about it."

"What did she say?"

"She said I got this guy killed, that it was my fault. But he actually kidnapped me and tried to… uhm, he uh… he almost rap…raped me. And she said I made it up to cover my unfaithfulness and that I didn't deserve him… or Daryl. And ever since then, he is in my dreams every single night. And I can't escape him… or Beth," I told him I felt my legs shaking at the memory of that week when I was held hostage.

"Is that the name you keep repeating in your dreams? Sean?" I nodded at him.

"While he had me, he told me he killed his girlfriend because she tried to leave him. That was before the change, before all this crap. I thought I was going to die. I've told people and even myself that I moved on, that I'm fine. But he's back… chasing me every time I close my eyes."

"Well, when we go through something traumatic there might be certain spiritual doors that can get opened and the enemy tries to take advantage of that and he attacks us through those open doors. Maybe Sean is not back chasing you, but his image is being used to torment you. Does that make sense?" I nodded.

"But it's like she reopened those doors because I wasn't this messed up. I was doing alright, I think. But there's something else she said that basically wrecked me all over again," I said as I grabbed a little teddy bear that was close to me.

"What is that?"

And so I told him. I said to him I was pregnant but I lost it and how confused I was about it and how I am still confused because at times I know what really happened and what it meant but at times my mind tries to tell me it wasn't a big deal and whatever it was, it wasn't my child, it hadn't become that yet, but I knew deep down that it really was.

"She didn't know about it but she still mocked me. Said she could give that to Daryl while I couldn't or wouldn't because either I was selfish or just couldn't and therefore I wasn't enough for Daryl but she was. I can't even imagine what she would have said if she had known about it… And her mocking was so much worse because all of this just happened a few weeks ago, I hadn't even fully accepted what happened when she told me all of that."

Telling everything to Gabriel was easier and more comforting than telling RIck or my mum. He wasn't pressuring me for answers like my mother was. He wasn't judging me. He didn't look at me with pity and I knew that my confession wouldn't hurt him, as it hurted Daryl. He didn't look uncomfortable or lost like Rick did. He wasn't involved in this mess. I felt some freedom with every word I said.

"If you'll allow me, I'll pray for you," he told me as he looked directly at me. "I'll ask our Father in heaven to send you healing, forgiveness and to comfort you. And to close any spiritual doors that may be opened and for the nightmares to stop. I'll also ask for all that pain to be taken away from you. And for your relationship with this man to be restored and to get stronger. And if there is anything else you need, He can provide that for you."

Gabriel stood straight in front of me, he closed his eyes and lifted his arms with his palms open and facing me. I bent my head and also closed my eyes. The teddy bear was still in my arms.

"God, only you know the struggles your daughter Cecilia is going through and I'm asking you to lift that weight from her and to show your love and to comfort her. She repents from the things that you don't like and she is asking for forgiveness. Also, please work on her heart so she can forgive those who have done wrong to her."

At that I immediately thought of my mother and my father. People I haven't really forgiven for all the bad things they did to me. Then I thought about Sean and Beth and I started crying silently. Then I thought about the Governor, he killed Andrea and destroyed our home. Then I thought about Alisha and what she did to me. I cried harder.

"I also ask you to not only heal her physical body but her spiritual one and her soul. You know what she has gone through and the worst kind of pain is losing a child. She might not have met or even held her child but the pain is still the same. Heal her from that and comfort her as only you know. And take away all that confusion she is feeling, confusion is not from you, Father."

I wasn't sure how but I was feeling lighter, as if I was really carrying something extremely heavy and one by one, weight was being removed. My tears continued to fall down my face. Then Gabriel asked for any open door to be closed and for the nightmares to stop. And for my relationship with Daryl to be restored and to get even stronger than it had ever been.

"And only you know our hearts' desires, Lord, if there is anything else Cecilia needs, I ask you to provide for her, to cover her needs. And I also ask for her to get closer to you, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, amen!"

"Amen," I found myself saying.

I thanked Gabriel as I wiped my tears with my shirt. I couldn't explain with words how I felt, but the closest would be free and light. Weightless. I had never felt like that before.