Tris tugs at the hem of her top, rethinking her outfit for the thousandth time as she makes her way to the side door of the dining hall.
She had spent an inordinate amount of time picking out her outfit, even going as far as trying to channel Marlene to help her put something date appropriate together.
Eric had said to dress casually and comfortably and told her he was planning on wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. At first, she had thrown on an oversized T but the Marlene in her mind reminded her that this was a date and showing off her body a little bit wouldn't hurt.
She finally settled on a pair of black sweats, the trainers she had warn to breakfast and a tight low cut V-neck t-shirt. She had rolled down the waistband of the sweats which created an inch gap between the shirt and pants and when she left her apartment, she felt confident in her outfit choice. However, during the walk to the dining hall, the tightness of the shirt, the amount of cleavage she was showing and the strip of stomach that was exposed were proving to make her more uncomfortable than expected.
Halfway to the dining hall, she had considered going back to her apartment to change, but she was already running late, and she didn't want him to think she had changed her mind about dinner so she carried on and hoped that once she was with him, she would forget all about her outfit.
When she finally reached her destination, she knocked three times loudly. Eric had mentioned that things could get loud and busy in the kitchen but that no matter what they always heard the door, so she just needed to be patient, and someone would answer.
While waiting, Tris suddenly feels someone's presence next to her. When she looks over, Khloe is staring at her curiously.
"Hey," Khloe says tentatively.
Tris is about to respond when the door bursts open revealing a frantic redheaded man wearing an apron covered in beige sauce.
He looks first at Tris and then over at Khloe.
"Hey Khlo. Court is packing up your order now."
"Thanks Scott," Khloe replies with a smile. "Rough service?"
He looks confused at first but follows Khloe's eyeline down to his apron and sighs.
"New girl knocked over the rest of the chicken chili," he replies quickly before turning towards Tris. "You need something?"
"Oh um, my name is Tris," Tris mumbles. "I'm picking up for Eric."
The man, Scott, nods his head.
"I'll be right back with both of your orders," he tells the girls before disappearing back through the door.
"You're picking up Eric's dinner?"
Tris shifts uncomfortably, once again pulling at the hem of her shirt as she nods her head at Khloe in response.
"I didn't think he was working today."
"Oh, no, he wasn't he just…" Tris trails off, not knowing how to respond.
She knows Khloe is Eric's friend and that there's a good chance it would be safe for her to explain herself but at the same time, Khloe is a leader. A leader that Tris had never spoken to until now, and she's worried about making a good impression. What would Khloe think if she found out Tris was on a date with Eric and then suddenly, she showed up to work in the leadership office?
Tris is relieved when the door next to her opens again putting an end to their conversation.
Scott steps forward and passes Khloe and Tris a bag each.
"Here you go ladies."
"Thanks Scott. Can I ask what it is?" Khloe asks.
"Spaghetti and meatballs," he responds firmly before narrowing his eyes at Khloe. "Is that a problem?"
"Not at all. It sounds perfect!" Khloe responds a little too cheerfully.
"Uh-huh," Scott mumbles as he goes back to the kitchen leaving the girls in an awkward silence.
"How come you don't know what your order is?" Tris blurts out.
Khloe laughs.
"I wasn't supposed to work today but I ended up on an emergency call and I realized halfway through that I was going to miss dinner, so I texted Court and she said she'd put something aside for me."
"Is everything okay?" Tris asks.
Khloe scrunches up her eyebrows in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"You said it was an emergency, so I was wondering if everything's okay?"
"Oh right. Yeah, it's okay enough. Leadership stuff. I can't really get into it," she says shrugging.
Tris nods her head in understanding.
"I should go," Tris says, turning to leave, grateful to be escaping Khloe.
"Wait, can I ask you something?"
Tris takes a deep breath before turning back towards Khloe.
"Sure."
"What did Eric get?"
"What?"
"His dinner. What did he order?"
"Oh, he got a burger and fries."
Khloe's eyes light up.
"Oh my God. I would kill for some fries right now. I wish Court had given me that instead of spaghetti."
"Did…um…did you want to trade?"
Khloe raises an eyebrow but looks almost giddy at the prospect of swapping.
"Are you sure? I don't want to get you in trouble," she replies.
"No, he won't care. You can have my burger and I'll have the pasta."
Khloe blinks a couple of times before smirking.
"Anyone else's dinner in that bag? Or just yours and Eric's?"
Tris' face falls. Crap. She thinks to herself. So much for good impressions.
"Just ours," she mumbles.
"You wouldn't happen to be bringing that food back to Eric's apartment, would you?" Khloe questions, grinning.
Tris rearranges her t-shirt, pulling it up this time, trying to cover more of her chest.
"I…"
Khloe's eyes brighten.
"You are! Oh my God. You're picking up that food for a date. That makes way more sense. I thought maybe you were Christian's daughter helping out or the new girl in the housing department, but the outfit was throwing me off. Wait…what did you say your name was again?"
"Tris," she replies quietly.
"Oh fuck! Finally. I can't believe how long it took him to grow some balls and ask you out."
Tris bites her bottom lip nervously, not sure how to respond.
"Shit," Khloe says, cringing. "Forget I said that."
"Okay."
"You should get going. Sorry for keeping you."
Tris gives Khloe a small smile. Their conversation has been awkward, but she can't deny that Khloe seems like a nice person.
"Do you still want the burger? I really don't mind at all."
Khloe tilts her head back and forth, considering Tris' offer.
"I should probably have some tact and say 'no,' but I really want it."
Tris grins as she reaches into the bag and pulls out one of the containers. She examines it briefly, confirming its contents, before passing it over to Khloe.
"Thanks," Khloe says, passing her bag over to Tris.
"No problem. It was nice meeting you."
"You too."
Tris starts to walk away but hears Khloe calling her name and turns back towards her once more.
"Yeah?"
"Stop fidgeting. You look hot, okay? Own it."
Tris moves to pull at her shirt but catches herself and puts her hand down.
"I don't know why I'm letting it get to me. I don't usually care this much what people think," she admits.
Khloe smiles and take a step towards Tris.
"You like him?"
Tris nods. "Yeah."
"It's normal. You want to impress him, and that's okay. But also, from what I understand, you met during your initiation? When he was supervising?"
Is this a trap? Tris wonders. What is Khloe getting at?
Tris nods in response.
"Okay, well think about initiation. Did you always look your best then? No, you were probably sweaty and exhausted and even covered in blood from time to time. He's saw you through all of that and still ended up crushing on you. So, I don't think you have to worry too much about how you look. He likes you. Your outfit isn't going to make him change his mind."
An image of her beaten and bloody face after her fight with Peter comes to mind and she knows Khloe is right.
Tris lets out a deep breath.
"Thank you," she says sincerely. "That honestly helps a lot."
Khloe smiles.
"Anytime. Now get going and thanks again for the food."
Tris give Khloe a small wave before walking away.
"I can't believe she met you for the first time and thought it was okay to trick you into giving her your food," Eric says, laughing as he sets a glass of water and some cutlery down in front of Tris before taking a seat.
"She didn't trick me. I offered."
"No, she definitely knew what she was doing. Trust me, the girl is sneaky. I couldn't even count how many times she's managed to convince me to swap with her."
"Oh," Tris says looking down at her food a little bit embarrassed.
"Happens to the best of us," Eric replies, nudging her. "I don't mind having the spaghetti if you'd rather the burger."
Tris shakes her head.
"Honestly, I'm happy with the pasta. I just kind of said the first thing that popped into my head earlier. I wasn't craving a burger or anything. And this garlic toast looks delicious."
The pair fall into a comfortable silence as they dig into their dinners.
"Did you and Khloe talk about…anything else?"
Tris looks over at him. She had expected to meet his gaze, but instead, be is looking down at his plate somewhat sheepishly.
"You mean, did she say anything embarrassing about you?"
Eric chuckles.
"You caught me, I guess there's no subtle way to ask that. I love the girl, but she doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut."
Tris laughs.
"So, did she?"
"No, nothing she said about you was embarrassing."
"So, she did say something about me then."
Tris smiles as she considers how to word her answer without throwing Khloe under the bus.
"She was just excited that we were going on a date."
Eric narrows his eyes at her.
"That's it?"
"Yup."
"I don't believe you."
Tris shrugs.
"Fine, keep your secrets. Lord help me, we're only a day in and you're already in cahoots with my best friend."
Tris snorts.
"One day into what exactly, Eric?" She asks, smirking, one eyebrow raised.
Eric shakes his head.
"Just eat your damn pasta," he tries to say nonchalantly but the blush creeping up his neck betrays him.
Tris smiles to herself before taking a bite of her dinner.
"Do you like being a leader?" she asks between bites.
"I love it. Do you really think I would be encouraging you to join if I didn't?"
"I guess not. But you just seem so grumpy all the time. Well, I guess not all the time. Obviously, you haven't been grumpy with me this weekend."
Eric swallows a bite of his burger and looks at her intently.
"It's kind of long to explain."
"I've got all night," she says with an encouraging smile.
Eric takes a deep breath.
"Okay, so it's not just that it's long…I'm also kind of worried that you might see me differently if I tell you."
"I mean, you were a pretty big asshole during initiation, and I still agreed to have a drink with you," she starts, smiling. "But in all seriousness, I think you've been pretty honest with me so far, the good and the bad, and I'm still here so maybe have a little faith that I'll understand?"
"Okay. Here goes. When I joined leadership, I could tell that no one thought I deserved to be there. Not only was I barely seventeen at the time but I also started immediately as a leader. No years of being an assistant, no extended training, not even any useful experience to speak of. On top of that, I wasn't even the first choice from my class."
Tris nods knowingly.
"Anyways, I was convinced that if I acted confident and worked hard, they would forget that I was an inexperienced seventeen-year-old and would eventually treat me like everyone else. Well, faking confidence ended up coming off a lot more arrogant than I intended, but it worked, and I was able to win over leadership. The faction was a bit tougher; they didn't see how hard I was working behind the scenes, they only saw a cocky kid…a transfer no less. Befriending people didn't work in my favour, so instead I just leaned into the arrogance and added some intimidation to the mix. I can't say it made me any friends, but it did somehow earn me the respect I craved. So, while 'grumpy' isn't exactly what I was going for, I can see how you got there."
"But you've been a leader for three years now, right? And the majority of the faction respects you?"
"I think so."
"Then why are you still keeping up the act?"
Eric shrugs.
"It's who they know me as. I know this will probably sound a bit ridiculous, but there's a big part of me that worries if I let them see this other part of me, they will go back to not taking me seriously."
Tris sits quietly, taking in everything that Eric has said.
"So basically, you're lying to everyone you work with about who you really are?"
Eric sighs.
"I mean, Khloe knows me. Both sides of me. But yeah, when I first started, I guess I was kind of lying to everyone else in a way. Now though, my leader self is just a part of who I am. I'm not sure I even know myself without him."
Tris blinks a few times.
"I hate that you felt like you had to change who you are in order to be accepted. When I defected from Abnegation it was so I could finally be myself. I think that's true of all of us who defect, but you came here and still felt like you couldn't be yourself. Hiding my Divergence is hard enough, but hiding yourself entirely? That must be exhausting."
"I think growing up in Erudite makes it easier. I don't think anyone there is ever truly transparent. We grow up learning that perfection is valued and letting your flaws, or your emotions show is unacceptable. We also grow up being taught that we are the superior faction, which as you can imagine makes for an exceptionally arrogant population. I've worked with all the factions, and there are fake, manipulative people in all of them, but nothing like what you'll find in Erudite. Don't get me wrong, they are brilliant, and they aren't innately bad people, but hiding who you are is a way of life there."
"I guess there's a certain amount of that in Abnegation as well. We're taught to supress our own feelings and emotions because it's selfish to think of ourselves first."
Eric nods.
"From what I've seen, Erudite and Abnegation have the most in common when it comes to hiding who you truly are. Amity is well…Amity, they're all love and peace and that shit they put in the bread makes it hard to lie about anything. Candor wants you to be yourselves because it's the only truthful way to live. And most Dauntless don't give a shit and accept you no matter what."
Tris tilts her head.
"If you truly think that of the Dauntless, then why did you decide to change yourself?"
Eric sits in silent contemplation for a moment.
"You have to remember that I've been in Dauntless for years now, I understand the culture here much better that when I first arrived. In retrospect, I may have let my own insecurities cloud my perception. I didn't think I was good enough so with every interaction I assumed the worst. Maybe showing everyone I'm a hard worker who really cares about Dauntless values would have been enough. But I jumped into Erudite ways of thinking and the changes I made seemed to work, so I didn't really think anything of it afterwards."
"Through all of that, how did you and Khloe get to be so close?"
Eric smiles and takes a few bites of his fries before responding.
"Khloe was different from the start. She's the only one who never treated me like I didn't belong. She had worked as Carter's assistant for a year followed by four years in the Education department handling general enrollment and career advancement course scheduling, so she had a decent amount of experience even though she had only been a leader for four months when Max brought me on. Despite her workload, she took it upon herself to show me the ropes and help me settle in. I don't even want to know how long it would have taken to figure things out without her. It turned out that she has a younger brother who defected to Amity the year I chose Dauntless, so I guess in a way, I was a substitute little brother to her. At least when we were first getting to know each other. It's a bit different now, but she is the closest thing to family I have here."
"She sounds great," Tris replies smiling.
"She is, most of the time," he smiles back. "But she can also be an over-baring meddling nightmare."
"Sounds like a sibling to me."
Eric chuckles.
"You have a brother, right?"
"How did you know?"
"He works for Jeanine at Erudite. Not directly, but he works in the development department and all new projects have to get Jeanine's approval. He's part of the proposal writing team and is also assigned to a number of developers to write up progress reports. It doesn't sound glamourous, but he basically knows what's going on with all of the current projects. Jeanine calls on him more often than the actual developers since it's easier to talk to a few people to get all the information she needs rather than talking to the developers individually. Plus, she finds the developers can get emotionally attached to their work and Caleb and the other writers are able to give her a more objective view of how things are going."
"I'm glad to hear that he's settling in," Tris responds simply.
"Do you miss him?" Eric asks as he brings the last bit of his burger to his mouth.
Tris takes one last forkful of her pasta before gently placing her cutlery across her plate.
"Sometimes," she starts. "It's hard being away from everyone you love, and I do love him, but Caleb and I are very different. I thought the reason we didn't always get along was because he was Abnegation, through and through and I clearly wasn't. But when he chose Erudite, I realized it must have all been a show. So, while I miss the person I grew up with, I'm not sure he even exists anymore…if he ever truly did."
Tris leans back in her chair and wraps her arms around herself, surprised by the sadness that thinking about Caleb has stirred up in her.
"I didn't mean…"
"Don't worry about it," Tris says, cutting Eric off. "Can we talk about something else?"
Eric stands up and collects their dishes.
"Absolutely," he says, walking the dishes over to the kitchen island.
Tris has something she wants to ask him, but she knows it's not a very date appropriate conversation to have.
"Just say it."
"What?" Tris says a bit startled.
"I can tell by that look on your face that you want to ask me something."
Tris scratches the back of her head and chews on her lip.
"Come on Tris, you haven't held back up until now. I can take it. What do you want to know?"
Tris walks over to where he's standing in the kitchen as he starts to wash their dishes.
"Why was Lauren training the transfers today?" she asks, grabbing a dish cloth and drying the fork Eric has just finished washing.
"I don't know."
"I don't believe you," she counters, picking up a wet knife. "You're the leader in charge of initiation, isn't it your job to know?"
"Fine, so maybe I know something. But I don't know the whole story," he says, handing the last glass over to Tris. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this. But all I know is that this morning I got a message from Max telling me that your ex has been accused of misconduct and therefore has been suspended from all initiate trainer duties pending an investigation. He also said he'd fill me in properly in person tomorrow."
"Misconduct? What does he mean by that?"
Eric shrugs.
"Could be anything from something small like an initiate accusing him of scoring him unfairly to something bigger that goes against the terms of his position."
Tris' brows furrow.
"When you say the terms of his position what do you mean?"
"Again, there could be a number of things. Abusing his authority, taking a demonstration too far, hooking up with an initiate etc."
"Taking a demonstration too far…like hanging someone over the Chasm?"
Eric cringes.
"Yes, that would be considered taking a demonstration too far."
"But you were never suspended, right? You just said Max told you off."
Eric nods, watching the soapy water disappear down the drain.
"So, it has to be worse than that if he's suspended."
"I really don't know, Tris," he says shortly.
Tris shakes her head.
"Sorry, I…I probably shouldn't even care. I just…after how drunk he was and the way he acted last night I guess with this suspension on top of it I'm just a bit worried by how much he's not acting like himself."
Eric sighs.
"You aren't together anymore, he's not your problem."
"Obviously we aren't together, and I know he's not my problem but if he's having this hard of a time, he needs to talk to someone. He's not exactly a social guy. He pretty much only has one friend. I'm lucky, when we broke up, I had my friends who supported me but he…I doubt he would be comfortable talking to Zeke about this. I wonder if the suspension was part of why he was dr…"
"Can we not talk about your ex anymore?" Eric cuts in, a little too loudly. "I get that you guys were pretty serious, and I know you only broke up a month ago, so I don't expect all of your feelings for him to just magically disappear. But selfishly, I really don't want to listen to you going on about him."
Tris stays quiet for a moment.
"I'm sorry," she says finally.
Eric lets out a long breath.
"Don't apologize. I know I'm being an asshole, but I just…can't. Okay?"
"No, you're right. I should have let it go. Let's just move on."
Eric nods in agreement.
The pair stand awkwardly behind the island, not knowing where they go from here.
"Have you ever heard of television?" Eric asks suddenly.
"Tele-what?"
"Oh! This is going to be fun. Follow me!" he says excitedly, leading her to the living room.
A/N: Sorry it took a thousand years to get this chapter finished! I hope it was worth the wait. Obviously this last 'date' isn't finished yet so we shall have one more date chapter before moving into the next chunk of the story. Thank you for continuing to read even though updates have slowed.