A/N: Well hello there. It appears I missed a post. Apologies for that, if you're interested why, I'll write about it in the note at the end of the chapter. It's been a long month so I'm not going to write much here. The most significant development so far has been that of the characters here. It isn't just Damon, everyone has changes they're going through. Many of those changes are happening and don't even involve him. As a continuing theme, it's important to me the world feels like it could exist without Damon, albeit in a very different way. Anyway, that's all for this little tangent, leave a review if you're so inclined and, as always and enjoy!
Chapter 74: The Approaching Storm
No one had raised the alarm. The Raiders were still in their temporary perimeter around the strip mall.
Five magazines of .300 win mag, five more of 12.7mm. 150 rounds total. 10mm was almost empty. No powerful explosives. Hell, no explosives.
74 Raiders, not including the large teams they'd sent out. I saw 3 of those, 12-15 Raiders per team. A total of at least 110 enemies. Assuming they hadn't sent any others out while I captured and interrogated the three-person team. Or that there was any inside. All I had was bullets, a knife, and a dog. The suburb we were in was small but I'd still have plenty of options to maneuver…
Still. A three-digit force strong force… If I had time to prepare and access to some explosives, it's possible. Without that, I'd be relying on my ability to outmaneuver them. Feasible if these were the old Raiders.
These aren't.
A quartet walked along the inside of their makeshift perimeter. Two of them were talking, the other two were scanning. From my position across the street, I couldn't hear what they were saying.
No, these Raiders are smart enough to consolidate forces if something happens. I don't know how many of those large caliber rifles they had for sure.
Where had they gottenthose? If I can find their source, taking that ordinance off the field would make everyone a lot safer.
Why am I even thinking about this? Too many things could go wrong and then what? I leave everyone in the lurch because I'm dead?
Dogmeat shifted behind me. He'd adopted the position I've come to associate with being on watch. Laying down, body in a straight line, legs ready to surge into action, head up, and ears forward.
No. I can't do that. Maybe I could lure the Brotherhood here? Make enough noise for long enough I can get them coming this way.
And then I have to deal with escaping their net. Again.
Dammit.
If Fourier's team were here, this would be done already. If I had a little support from the Minutemen, I could handle this. If I had some explosives, I could handle this.
None of that is here and I don't have time to get any of it. The nearest stash of explosives is by the airport. The school is still on lockdown. The only other large settlement close by is the Farms and, considering what's coming their way, I can't pull from them.
A second patrol followed the first 30 seconds behind.
The cars they arranged as their perimeter wouldn't provide much physical protection for anything larger than a handgun. Unless it hit the engine or suspension, anyway. They did offer plenty of visual cover. You can do a lot with good visual cover, especially if the force is well-coordinated.
If I don't have any of those things, why am I still here? I have 24 hours to get back to the school, to Sanctuary, then the Farms. I'm gonna have Cass, Nate, and Brenda with me for most of that. So I need to move.
What if I can come up with something? A way to prevent this attack from happening?
And if I do? What if they switch to a different target? I know where they're attacking and when.
The settlers at the farm-
Are going to end up fighting anyway. I can't keep them from that. Whether it's the Raiders, Brotherhood, Supermutants, or Institute, they will be fighting.
… Alright.
I crept away from the front of the house and stood. Dogmeat followed and I grabbed the young Raider from where I left him, bound and gagged in the bathroom.
He was still terrified. His eyes were wide and he tried to squirm away as I reached for him.
But that isn't all I saw. There was a hardness in his face that hadn't been there when he was strapped to the chair. The Raider looked like he was rapidly oscillating between wanting to get as far away from me as possible, and attacking me.
When he started writhing in my grasp, I stopped, holding him just in front of me by his shirt and leather jacket.
"This won't get you anything but dead", I whispered.
His eyes narrowed. The guy was upset but he didn't want to die yet. He could have tried screaming to alert the Raiders to our presence but he didn't. Instead, he grew still.
I nodded and slung him over my left shoulder. Andrew said riding like that wasn't comfortable. This guy wanted to act tough, he could deal with it.
Besides, it wasn't like I would let him walk around. I don't like the idea of carrying him back to the school. It was inconvenient and limited my options in a fight-or-flight situation. I told him I wouldn't kill him though.
Guess I am turning into a bleeding heart.
Well… I told him I wouldn't kill him. I don't doubt that's what he's mad about.
The first guy was already dead. Maybe the other one was someone more important to him.
It was something I'd have to consider later if I have the time to do it at all. Yes, I'm trying to change how I do what I do but… he's a Raider; I'm not sure he deserved the effort.
We slipped out of the house and headed south.
It would take two hours to get back to the school. I don't know how long we'd be there, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was an hour. Then another three and a half to four to get to Sanctuary. They'll send a messenger to the Farms to warn them. I don't know what kind of response time any support teams would have. Organizing an effort to reinforce them would take time though. Then two more hours to get to the Farms…
That sounds like we have time to spare but I'm all too familiar with how quickly it can disappear. Planning and preparing for a fight tends to make it pass quickly.
As soon as we had enough distance between us and the Raiders, I broke into a jog. I didn't try to jostle the Raider, but I didn't go out of my way to prevent it.
Moving this quickly without being sure there were no surrounding threats was usually a no-go. This wasn't a normal situation. I wasn't going to lie to myself; yes, I've moved quickly to help defend settlements before, the last time the Institute attacked Sanctuary was one, but this felt different. Back then, I did it because the people there are my allies, and there are some I would have called friends. I didn't have this… boulder in my stomach.
These assholes planned an impromptu attack on the Farms because I'm here. Whether they saw an opportunity with my absence, or this is retaliation, I don't know. I don't care either. There's no other reason I can think of they'd be waiting until tomorrow to launch it besides reinforcements.
That doesn't mean there isn't another reason.
I slowed to a stop outside of a small neighborhood. It consisted of five houses I'd passed through on my way here. There had been a handful of feral ghouls I had to deal with. It didn't look like any more showed up.
What other reason would they have to wait? Were they using this force as some sort of bait? Did they think I might attack it?
My thoughts drifted to the Raider I was carrying. Outside of a few pained grunts and an elbow to the back of my helmet that definitely would have hurt, he'd been calm and quiet.
Could these assholes have been a ploy? If they were counting on me to behave how I normally do, they could have given the three I'd captured false information…
Something in the foliage to my left caught Dogmeat's attention. He didn't look agitated, more curious. Whatever it was didn't interest him enough to investigate and he turned back to me a few seconds later.
There were countless ways to verify intelligence: satellite imagery of troop and supply movements, intercepted radio transmissions, multiple interrogations, short and long-term observation, multiple points of observation… There are more but the point is, these questions have answers.
What's frustrating me is I don't have access to any of those options. I'm operating off one point of reference. That isn't good intelligence work.
But what else am I supposed to do? If I shadow this task force, word doesn't get back to Sanctuary and the Farms in time to prepare. I could send Nate, Brenda, and Cass back to the settlements. That would put them at risk, especially with so much happening in the area. On top of that, I wouldn't have a secure method of communication to report any changes. And, right now, sending unsecure information would be worse than not communicating.
Shit.
At this point, whatever decision I make will probably be the wrong one. The Raiders can adjust and I'm too far behind to be proactive.
We stopped near the edge of the school's suburb. I wasn't going to completely abandon my routines. We'd been moving quickly and I seriously doubt anyone would have kept pace, especially without notice.
Considering the circumstances, I was going to take as few chances as possible. Dogmeat was panting hard. He seemed grateful for the break.
I set the Raider against a tree and double-checked his bindings and gag were secure. He was sweating and favored his left side. That had probably been pressed against my shoulder plate.
And the stab wound in his leg.
Despite his discomfort, the young man was still glaring at me.
Would the Raiders use their own as bait? Feed them bad intel in the hopes it was passed on to me?
Yeah. They would.
Standing back, I looked at Dogmeat.
"Stay here", I said and pointed at my captive.
The large German Shepherd, still panting, assumed his "watch" position a few meters from the tree, staring at the Raider.
Despite myself, I smiled. "I'll give you some water when I get back." Now I'm talking to a dog…
Oh well. He's a lot easier to be around than a lot of people. Most people.
He stopped panting long enough to swallow and let out a low grunt.
Even if they did feed me bad info, like I said, I can't afford to not act on it. And I hate being in that position.
The surrounding forest was clear. When I got back, the Raider was still against the tree, Dogmeat was still laying in front of him.
I knelt in front of Dogmeat and cupped my hand. As soon as I poured water into it from my canteen, he was lapping it up. I gave him a few handfuls before the German Shepherd was satisfied.
"Do you pet him?" Brenda asked.
"Pet him?" I've fed him. Given him water. But pet him? "Not really, no."
"Well there's your problem." She beckoned me over. "Dogs like that sort of thing. I won't say I don't enjoy it too."
He had seemed to enjoy it…
Placing my canteen back in its pouch, I reached down and scratched at the fur behind his ears. Dogmeat leaned into my hand.
Yeah. He likes it.
"Come on", I said as I stood. Dogmeat followed as I walked back to the Raider, still leaning against the tree, still glaring at me.
We were out of danger. Well… Dogmeat and I were.
The young man flinched as I pulled my knife from its sheath, eyes going wide. He started pushing himself around the tree until I grabbed one of his ankles. He tried to jerk his leg from my grasp. I pulled his legs straight and pinned them to the ground.
"Stop. I'm tired of carrying you."
His eyes narrowed.
As if this is how I'd kill you. Why the hell would I have carried you 20 klicks just to do it here?
Slipping my knife between his ankles, I cut the rags I'd bound them with. I turned him around and did the same thing with his wrists.
When I backed away, the Raider pulled the gag from his mouth. "You seem real damn friendly with that dog after what you did." He probably thought his voice, and the statement, sounded damning.
It wasn't. I've heard better from Nate. And having a conversation about morality with this guy was not on my list of things to do.
"You're a Raider", I said as I nodded to the street in front of us.
"So?" He, apparently, was going to ignore my command. "So that means you get to kill us for no reason? I told you what you wanted to know. You didn't need to kill Glen. You didn't need to- to-"
"I did it to make it look like you were attacked. I don't want your friends to know I interrogated you. You're Raiders. You don't get to complain about 'killing people for no reason'." I pointed across the street. "Move."
His anger was… understandable, I guess. If I were to give him the same level of consideration I did Nate.
But I'm not feeling that generous.
An image of the burnt mound of corpses flashed through my head again.
Yeah. Not even a little.
The Raider stayed rooted in place.
I grunted, shaking my head. He tried to pull away as I clamped a hand down on his shoulder. I wasn't gentle about it, jerking him forward and propelling him into the street. He yelped and scrambled to stay on his feet. The gash in his leg hampered his efforts.
He started turning around but I pushed him forward again.
After a third shove between his shoulder blades that was hard enough to start him gasping for breath, the Raider began walking on his own.
Not without regular, angry glances over his shoulder.
What I did to his friends wasn't payback. It wasn't. The settlers at Vinny's were dead. The settlers in Dawn's town were either dead or scattered. Same with the settlements that were flooding the Minutemen's network. I could have tortured the three of them for weeks and it would have done nothing to change that. It wouldn't do anything to stop it from happening more. It wouldn't stop the attack on the Farms.
It wasn't payback.
Same as tracking down the group that attacked Clare's settlement. I did this for information and time.
Information and time.
It took us another 20 minutes to reach the school's parking lot. There were sentries on the roof again and, as we drew near, the welcoming committee, minus Carter, came out to meet me. They must have decided it was safe enough to come out of lockdown. I'm not sure I agree but… they have their reasons.
Nate, Brenda, and Julian were first to reach me, jogging across the parking lot. The ex-soldier, I expected him to look ready. But Brenda and Julian, the way they carried themselves and their rifles, the way they scanned the buildings behind me as they ran, they're learning quickly. They weren't as practiced and comfortable as Nate, but they'd improved dramatically.
Once they drew near each of them started eyeing the captive Raider.
"We need to go", I said. "They're attacking the Farms tomorrow."
Julian's eyes went wide. "If they do anything to them, we're screwed."
"Yes", I nodded. "I wasn't able to verify the information but we can't risk it."
Nate exhaled. "So we need to make sure this place is secure until we can send resources their way." He looked at the suddenly nervous-looking Raider, frowning. "You bring him for more info?"
I nodded again. "If the school has anyone who can get it."
"I'm sure they'll figure something out", Brenda said.
As the rest of the settlers reached us, we started back toward the school's front entrance. Carter was, once again, waiting at the far end of their fatal funnel.
"Dammit", he muttered after I briefed him. "I know the Finches. We all know how important that place is to the Minutemen. Go. We're good on security. Can we keep Jense and Blair? I think we need to start sharing as much medical and engineering expertise as we can. Whatever's coming, we don't stand a chance without the best infrastructure we can get."
"Agreed."
"Do you want anyone from here to help?"
"No", I shook my head. "You need to make sure you're prepared for an attack. This could be a feint. Don't loosen up until you get the all-clear."
The settlement leader exhaled slowly. "Yeah…" he glared at the young Raider. Most of the guards assembled at the intersection were glaring at the young Raider. Surrounded by new people, all of whom looked like they were more ready to kill him than I was, his newfound defiance seemed to waiver. He couldn't meet any of their eyes, choosing to stare at the ground instead.
"I think you know why you're here", Pat said. The short, stocky woman's eyes were on fire as if they were trying to burn a hole in the side of the Raider's head. "I'm thinking you know what all of us think about you too."
He didn't respond, gaze still locked on the concrete between his well-worn boots.
That was the wrong answer for Pat, apparently.
She stepped forward and shoved the Raider hard enough to send him stumbling. I caught the guy before he could run into me.
"Sorry about that, Damon", Pat said in a voice that suggested an apology was the furthest thing from her mind.
I shrugged and stepped back.
"We aren't gonna treat you like you people treat folks", Carter said slowly. "Even if that's what you deserve. Pat." He turned to his head of security.
She nodded and grabbed the Raider's arm. He didn't fight as she pulled him down one of the halls accompanied by the other guards.
Nate turned from the receding group back to Carter. "Do you need anything else?"
"No." The man shook his head. "No. We're good here. Go. Make sure those bastards don't do anything." He looked up at me. "And bury a few for us."
"Will do."
X
The hours of briefing, conversation, and planning were an odd whirlwind of frantic, hushed conversations and quietly waiting for the necessary people to gather in the Vault. The settlers had done a good job of reinforcing the place with barricades and checkpoints. Its strangely wide halls and low ceilings were clean and well-lit now too. Many of the rooms had been converted for storage, living quarters, and a few with what looked like the beginnings of hydroponics labs.
That wasn't my focus though.
Maintaining information security is one of the most important parts of a fight like this. Dez, Deac, Glory, and Able all appreciated that. That's why they were very selective of the people who ended up in the brief. Including Nate, Julian, the four of them, Preston, Danse, and I, there were 14 people involved. Vincent, I knew. One was the man from the Institute Nate claimed to be a top-level analyst. I think his name is Isaac. One other I remember seeing around Sanctuary, one from the Railroad, and the last one, an older man, I didn't recognize.
Our primary issue was we couldn't risk Sanctuary being hit while unprotected. The fact I wasn't able to verify the information, along with the Raiders' increased penchant for underhanded strategies (something I could begrudgingly respect), means we couldn't count anything out.
So we settled on sending a small, platoon-sized force to assist. Nate would lead a team with Julian, Brenda, Alex, Able, two of his people from the Institute, and a dozen others. They would leave for the Farms in the morning.
Another concern was the Raiders would attack the Farms, just not at the time the one I interrogated said. Which means without advanced warning the defenders would be at a disadvantage.
Dez had the secure comms she'd told me about the last time I was in Sanctuary, but a limited number of handsets. Other than the ones she sent out with her teams, she had three for Sanctuary and one for me. Which meant the Farms didn't currently have any. And that meant getting advanced warning to them without tipping anyone off was word of mouth.
We'd argued about whether I'd bring one to them. In the end, we agreed having two backups in Sanctuary might be overkill. Especially considering secure communications between our two largest settlements would become increasingly important in the coming weeks.
I volunteered to travel there early. Able assured me they have a defense plan he and Glory put together with Jake and the security teams there. They just needed warning and "a little help".
Their confidence was reassuring, considering the Railroad's relative expertise. That doesn't mean my concerns were gone.
That's what I'm there for, isn't it?
… Yeah. But these people will still be at risk and they haven't ever been in this sort of battle before. The Raiders will have something for the Farms. People will die.
Damn.
"Damon", someone called from behind as I stooped under one of the wide door frames heading toward the lift.
Turning, I found Danse marching toward me. He'd been quiet during the planning. Most of his contribution was helping determine who to send as part of the support team.
The former Paladin was a lot better kept than the last time I saw him. He'd shaven, had his hair cut, and was dressed in what I've come to associate with normal Commonwealth attire: long-sleeve t-shirt, cargo pants, and boots.
"Look, I understand now isn't a great time but…" he stopped in front of me, brow furrowed. "We heard from Haylen. We know she's working with the recruits. Yes", he said before I could ask, "that includes Julian. She thinks she knows some members who are questioning the Brotherhood's mission."
Before she left, Haylen told me Danse's situation would create doubt. Gaining allies within the Brotherhood and undermining Maxson's hold over it would help mitigate their current risk.
But we need to cover the basics first. "Are you sure it's her?"
"Yes", he replied with a curt nod. "We have several different ways to verify who we are. It was essential-"
"Okay", I interjected. "You were her squad leader. You know her a lot better than I do. How is Julian doing? Did she say anything?"
Danse squinted up at me. "You're… trusting me."
I shrugged "It would be hard for you to be lying at this point. My willingness to cooperate with Haylen, us finding you, getting you out of the Raiders' base, coming back here… the number of things up to chance make it unreasonable to suspect you're trying to backstab us."
He didn't seem sure of what he wanted to say for a moment. The Synth's mouth was partially open as he stared at me.
It passed quickly and he nodded again. "Haylen said he's… not good. He's quiet and focused. He doesn't talk unless it's absolutely necessary. He's working with the instructors any time he isn't eating or sleeping. She said he isn't doing much of either. His instructors love him." Danse grimaced. "I never thought of that as strange before. Now…"
"It's different", I finished. "I know. I know what he's feeling and why he's doing what he's doing. I went through the same thing."
The question crossed Danse's face but he didn't ask. "I see." He turned to look back down the hall. "Tommy has been working with Tinker Tom and Sturges a lot. I think he might be feeling the same way. I- I'm not sure what to say to him. He's been without his brother for months now. What happened to them…" The former paladin's brow furrowed. "I might not be Brotherhood anymore, but that doesn't make me hate Supermutants any less."
That's something I couldn't disagree with. "I can ask Cass if she wants to come talk with him. They haven't seen each other since we left the Railroad's bunker."
"Good idea." He said that as though he were already thinking it. "Aside from that", Danse looked back at me, "Haylen provided a few points of interest we might want to take a look at. After this fight is over, I'd like to discuss that. I'm tired of sitting around in this Vault."
"You don't need my permission to do anything."
He frowned. "You aren't fooling anyone, including yourself. We can worry about that later. The Farms are priority." The Synth frowned and looked around the hall again. "Not like I'll be anywhere else besides here…"
Danse needs my permission to pursue a lead… "Okay. We'll put a plan together after this is over."
With a nod, he turned and marched back through the door.
Tommy was isolating himself. Distracting himself.
The years of doing the same, throwing myself into training, then missions, clearly didn't help. Learning and building is probably a more constructive escape than what I did.
Not like I'm the right person to figure out a healthy way of dealing with this kind of loss and displacement. I mean, I'm still figuring it out for myself. And all I've really gotten is 'I don't know if I should be killing people as much as I do.' That isn't- or it shouldn't be a very hard thing to come to terms with.
That isn't fair and I know it.
I started toward the lift again.
Maybe it wasn't. Either way, I don't think I'm the right person to talk with Tommy. Not right now. Not when I'm still a mess.
And I don't have the time I'd like. He needs someone who can give him the attention he deserves. Hell, now I know how much that would have helped me. What if I'd had someone like Brenda, Cass, Nate, Alex… any of the people here who care about me when I was their age? What if I had someone who wanted to help instead of ONI spooks, shrinks, and instructors who all had the intent of fostering anger and directing it at whoever their enemy of the week was?
Once the lift deposited me on the hill above Sanctuary, I started down the path toward the bridge.
That's something I'm not sure I can give Tommy at the moment, even if I didn't have to go. The others are a lot better at helping people than I am. At least, when it comes to that.
Both Tommy and Julian deserve better than what I can offer for now.
Hopefully, I'll be able to help one day. For now, I have to make sure there are people to do it and they have a safe place.
A handful of settlers passed, heading up the hill toward the armored shacks, as I walked. I started turning to the side to allow them to pass but the four of them stepped off the path.
"Go ahead, sir", the man in front said, waving me through. They were all trying to hide their stares.
Great. People are starting to do the same thing here they did back in my universe. The difference now was they were doing it to me because of me. Would they have the same reaction as Brenda if they got to know me better? Would that be a bad thing?
I nodded my thanks and continued toward the bridge. It groaned as I crossed.
The next stop would be to find Cass. She should go to the Vault. It had been a few weeks since she'd talked with Tommy. Yes, a lot has happened since we left the bunker. I've… grown to appreciate how important she is to them. There were three other survivors. I'm fairly sure they were all older than me. Would they have done the same thing for me as Cass had for Tommy and Julian? And why did she stop?
If Julian and Tommy are withdrawing because of what happened, Cass could be too.
As I walked east toward the commons, the flow of settlers around me parted. It was like the first time I went to Diamond City.
No… that wasn't quite right. These people weren't doing it because of uncertainty or fear.
"You don't need my permission to do anything."
"You aren't fooling anyone, including yourself."
As much as I wanted to say "this is ridiculous" I could understand. This wouldn't have happened without me. Hell, I don't know if Preston's group would have survived Concord. That isn't bragging, it's the truth and they'd all admit it. Even if, at the time, fighting the Raiders had been easy. Easy doesn't mean insignificant.
And that isn't the only reason people were starting to do it. I'm a large, armored supersoldier from another universe, not that they know the last one. My Mjolnir would be something straight out of science fiction to them. That's on top of whatever rumors are floating around about me.
Cass wasn't at the Commons. I found her at Sturge's workshop. Brenda was there too. The engineer had her rifle apart on his bench.
"Ah", Sturges said as I approached the large, tool-filled shack. "The hero cometh."
I stopped in front of them. "What?"
He smiled "It's… some stories are going around about you. A lot are true, some are kinda ridiculous. I'll fill you in after we deal with the Raiders. Don't need you worrying about silly urban legends."
Urban legends? It's already that bad? "I can't wait."
"It sounds like it. Are you looking for them?" Sturges asked.
"Yeah." I looked down at Cassandra. "Cass, I think you should stop by the Vault and visit with Tommy until we have to leave."
I didn't know what I expected, but it wasn't her shoulders sagging and her eyes dropping to the dirt between her boots.
Brenda put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey. What's up?"
"I…" Cass trailed off, head still down.
Had I been right? Did she not want to be around Tommy? Was she trying to find some way to cope? Should I say something?
Before I could decide, Cass exhaled. The noise was so thick it sounded like she was about to cry.
"What do I say? It's been more than two months and we still don't have Julian back yet." She squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't even know if he wants to see me anymore. By the time you came back, he was spending more time with Tom than anyone else. We only talked once or twice a day."
What… does she say? I- well I was wrong about why she wasn't talking to Tommy. Why would she feel guilty about not getting Julian back? I'm the one who let him get captured. Cass is stubborn, smart, and, for as little time as she's spent in the field, competent. She isn't going to infiltrate the airport and rescue Julian.
"You shouldn't feel guilty about that. I'm the one-"
Brenda shot me a glare. The message was clear: "I dare you to finish that sentence."
… Uh… yeah okay. I was trying to console her. It wasn't a lie but… she'd appointed herself their guardian. That's fair. It makes sense. Even so, what was she gonna do against a platoon of Brotherhood soldiers? Half of them were in power armor.
It probably doesn't matter. She still felt it was her responsibility to protect them.
Okay… I held my hands up in placation.
The young woman's eyes narrowed for a second before nodding once. She turned back to Cass and squeezed her shoulder. "It's okay to feel that way. I bet Tommy doesn't blame you for what happened."
"You've never met him", Cassandra said. "How would you know?" Her voice was a mixture of resignation and a little accusation.
Brenda didn't seem phased. "I haven't, but I do know you care about him. You're good at that. I know Tommy knows you care about him." She looked at me. "Sometimes, we just have to talk things out."
"I know but… is it a good idea right now? I mean, we have to fight the Raiders tomorrow. I should be worried about that."
"No", I shook my head, "we're sending a small team. You're…" inexperienced. That felt like the wrong thing to say. How else could I put it?
Her eyes snapped open and she looked at me. "I'm not coming!?"
"No-"
"But you said you'd take me with you. Even if all I can do is carry supplies." She sounded… hurt of all things.
On one hand, I could understand her frustration, especially if she was scared of talking with Tommy. On the other, this isn't another low-intensity (for the most part) diplomatic and scouting mission. This is a fight. Treating it like some kind of field trip was-
Am I angry about this? Yeah. I think I am. I shook my head again. People are going to die and she's complaining about being left out? "You aren't coming. I'm not the one who put the team together but I would have suggested the same thing. If this team is going to be effective, it needs to be people with experience."
"How am I supposed to get experience if you don't let me?" she asked quietly. "I'm part of the Minutemen too."
Relax… she wants to help. I took a deep breath. "You've gotten a lot of experience over the last few weeks. That's a different kind. There will be more opportunities for you to get experience fighting."
"So what am I supposed to do if I can't help? I- I-"
"Can you be at every settlement under attack?" I asked.
She paused for a moment before shaking her head. It was so reluctant, she looked like she was forcing her head through concrete.
"You can't help everyone. I can't help everyone. No one can, directly."
"Is she going?" Cass stabbed a finger at Brenda.
"Yes-"
"Before this goes any further", the woman in question interjected, "you not going to the farms doesn't mean you can't help anyone. Damon's here asking you to visit with Tommy because you're the best person to help him. Not everything's about fighting." She looked at me again. "Most things aren't about fighting."
"Saying that to make me feel better-"
Brenda shook her head. "It isn't just to make you feel better. Damon sure as hell can't do it. I can't. No one here knows Tommy as well as you do. I don't know much about what you guys went through, but it's something you went through together. It's hard for me to believe he doesn't care about you. And if you need help, I'm sure Ellie, Nick, Rose… some people will help." She smiled at Cass. "It won't be easy, but you're tough."
With bustling activity in every direction, it was impossible for quiet to establish itself around Sturges's work area. Not for lack of trying.
After a few seconds, Cassandra took another deep, shaky breath. "Alright. Alright." She nodded. "I'll go see him. I think I'm just afraid. I don't know what's going to happen."
"And there's nothing wrong with that", Sturges added. The engineer had been listening quietly up to that point. "I'd come, Tommy's a good kid, but I have to finish prepping for the aid team."
Aid team?
"Thanks. I think I'll grab Glory. She helped us out a lot after-" Cass glanced at me. "You know."
That's for sure… "don't worry about it."
"Can I leave that with you", she asked, pointing at her disassembled rifle on his workbench.
The Synth nodded. "Come grab it whenever you're ready."
"Go", Brenda said before Cass could do anything else. "We'll say our goodbyes before we leave."
The teenager hesitated for a moment before marching out of the backyard. It was sharp and jerky. I didn't know if that was from anger or nerves. Maybe both. Not that I'd be any different in her position. The three of us watched as she disappeared around the side of the house.
"Don't worry", Sturges said. "I'll have some time after I'm done here to drop by."
Yes, Cassandra agreed to do it, reluctantly. I don't know how I'd approach Tommy… especially after what I've done. If Cass feels like she's let him down, I imagine she feels much the same.
A little support would be a help. Even if she's an order of magnitude better at handling difficult situations like that than me.
"Thanks." I turned to the engineer. "What aid team?"
He frowned. "We been having some reports of a few settlements gettin' cases of what looks like radiation sickness. Not uncommon here in the Commonwealth, I'm sure you can imagine, but something about it feels a little off to me. Not sure what yet, call it an instinct. I'm puttin' together an aid team to take a look."
Great.
"I hope you don't find anything", Brenda said.
The engineer's frown deepened. "Don't hold your breath. I don't got anything to go off of but… I don't like this." He looked up at the sky. "Hasn't rained in a long while. Unless these folks went somewhere they shouldn't, this makes no sense. And when something makes no sense, it usually means something's up."
I could stand here and ask questions, but I'd bet he just told me everything he knows about the situation. In my experience, his suspicions seem well-founded. When things don't make sense, there's usually a missing piece that someone removed from the puzzle. Maybe it's because I've spent most of my life in the clandestine operations business but… ONI did a lot of that.
"Come on", I said to Brenda. "Let's let him get ready."
She remained still for a heartbeat before clapping the Synth on the back. "We'll see you after this is over."
"Stay safe", he replied with a wry smile.
"I'll do my best."
We left the backyard. I wasn't sure exactly where to go, I wasn't leaving for several hours still. Brenda wanted to head out of Sanctuary.
She led me out of the front gate and across the main bridge. We ended up standing on the opposite embankment. Sound from the settlement drifted across the river but they were subdued. I know there would be foot patrols around and people on watch but, for all intents, we were alone.
Brenda's hands were shaking. She didn't try to hide it. It wasn't the only giveaway. With her weight constantly shifting from foot to foot and the breaths that were way too shallow, it didn't take a keen eye to spot her anxiety.
Of course… I can understand why. This won't be the first fight she's ever taken part in but- well- she knows what to expect this time. For some things, knowing what to expect can be a comfort. For others, it makes the anticipation worse. With Brenda killing for the first time only a few days ago, and her issues with it and my actions, empathizing with her was easy enough.
There are plenty of settlers at the Farms. One more gun won't make much difference. Would it be fair to ask her to sit this one out?
How would I feel?
If that wasn't the easiest answer of my life: this place is her home. The Farms are part of that. And it's under attack.
Isn't the entire reason I joined the SPARTAN III program to try to recuperate the chance I lost to do that? Even if it was impossible?
Okay, so if I'm not going to suggest she sit this out, what should I say? Should I say anything? Or does she just… want to enjoy the silence? I can understand that.
I looked across the river at Sanctuary. Settlers were bustling inside the wall, keeping watch from the elevated, armored platforms, and in the forest to the north. It was crowded now. Uncomfortably so. Though, I don't know if that's because, as Cass put it, I'm uncomfortable around people I don't know.
No… I think there are probably too many people for that island. We're going to need more space.
While I didn't know the exact number, it had at least doubled since we left two weeks ago. They've spent the time we were away well. Their efforts seemed a lot more cohesive, a lot more focused. Teams had assigned tasks and knew how to do them. Dez and her people did a fantastic job training them in a short time. I can only imagine the same is true for the Farms.
I'll know in a few hours.
If they made the effort here… the Farms are as important to the Minutemen as Sanctuary.
"Dammit", Brenda whispered. It was so quiet, I doubt she thought it was audible. "This sucks."
The young woman was watching the town. Her jaw was set now, clenched so tight I could see the muscles in her head flexing.
"It'll be fine", I said.
She blinked and turned to meet my eyes. "Fine?" The word was stiff and uncertain as if she didn't know what it meant.
"Yeah." I nodded. "We're prepared for this."
Her mouth opened but she didn't say anything. After a few seconds, she closed it. Her eyes darted from me to Sanctuary, and back. She didn't need to ask, the question was clear as day.
The 'nice' answer would be "no". But I'm not about to lie. Not to someone I care about. "People are going to die. It's a fight. We've done everything we can to minimize the risk. That's a lot of Raiders and, at this point, it's too late to launch a preemptive strike." I glanced back at the island. "We have to trust our preparations and the people we have in place to defend the Farms."
"... Is that what you did?"
"When I was on mission?" I asked. She nodded. "Yeah. If you start thinking too much, start second guessing your planning and preparation in the middle of a fight, that's when you lose confidence. When you lose confidence you start missing shots, making bad decisions, and then you die." I looked back at her. "There are… a lot of things I don't know. Fighting- that isn't one of them. It's why the people who trained me spent so much time doing it." Every waking moment for almost a decade. "During a fight, you have to be able to trust yourself and the people around you. You have to be confident your strategies are sound and tactics are effective. If you know that, you can improvise within the framework of your plan. Or you can start to, anyway. Improvisation isn't something you get good at without getting your ass kicked. A lot. Especially in a fight. That's a massive part of any fight."
"Did you just quote a book?"
"Sort of", I said with a shrug. "Something one of my instructors said. A lot."
"Ah… So you think they- we can do that?"
The last time the Minutemen were tested, it didn't go well. They know that. They have more and better resources now. They've prepared.
But the only way to know if that preparation holds up in a fight is to see it happen.
"I don't know. A lot of that will depend on leadership."
She smiled at me. It was timid and uncertain, but it was there. "I guess you need to do a good job then."
"I-" Me. In a leadership role. For the Minutemen. I am, aren't I? And my contributions to this defense will mean something. The more effective I am, the fewer Minutemen die.
And the less likely I'll be to die. That's something I need to remember. This isn't going to be a small engagement. On top of the numbers involved, the Raiders have heavy weaponry now. Rifles and explosives that are more than capable of causing damage if I'm reckless.
"You and I both know it's what I'm good at", I said quietly.
"No." Her smile turned a little more genuine. "I know you're good at fighting. I know people are happy when you're on their side. I know people look up to you like… what's the word… a… myth or something. I know you can lead a small group. I know people will follow you. I don't know if you're good at something like this."
This is fighting. I know the preparations the Farm has made, pretty much every way the Raiders might come after us and the effective defenses against those. It's about making sure everyone else is ready for that. I've already done that. At least, some of it.
"What do you mean?"
"Well… most of the time, when you fight, you aren't doing it to protect people."
I cocked my head. "I've still done that before."
"I know that too", she said. "But this is a little different, and we both know it."
… Ah.
Quiet drifted back over us, like a thin fabric, unsure if it would be yanked away again.
That's what she means. She's right, of course. I could ask her how she guessed but… it isn't like I've hidden the things I've been thinking from anyone.
Plus. Brenda is good with people. Very good. It isn't like I have a chance of getting something past her.
"Yeah", I said, nodding. "You're right. It is. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I won't let it keep me from doing my job. Because-"
"You have a reason now."
Even though she couldn't see it, I returned her smile and nodded again. "I have a reason now."
She took a long, deep breath and turned back to Sanctuary. "Good to know we're important to you, Tin Man."
"We'll see how well that works out."
This isn't the same. I'm not a five-year-old kid anymore.
"There have been a few bumps", she replied. "It's worked out pretty well so far. I think."
Bumps. I huffed. "That was a hard bump."
"That it was."
The sun was almost touching the hills to the west. The next 24 hours were going to be long.
"I'm gonna get some sleep", I said.
X
"Cass", I whispered. "Do you have a few minutes?"
She looked up at me from her spot next to a bed they'd set in the corner, Dogmeat laying beside her. Tommy was staying here…
The boy was sleeping.
Inside the new laboratory, the setup was pretty much the same as it was in the church: computers, workbenches, and plenty of equipment I couldn't identify. None of it looked like anything ONI or the Institute had.
Tinker Tom still managed to build a goddamn teleporter out of this junk.
"Yeah." She set her hand on the bed beside Tommy's head, leaning down to whisper, "I'll be right back."
She stood and followed me into the hall, Dogmeat still at her side.
"You're leaving."
I nodded. That much was obvious. We didn't need to have a conversation about it. "How is he?"
It wasn't a straightforward question, but I didn't know how else to ask.
"He's, uh…" she looked back into the room. "I think he's scared but I can't tell. The only thing he'll talk about is the stuff Tom is teaching him. Even when Sturges stopped by, all Tommy would respond to is questions about their projects."
That makes sense. I… can't remember doing anything besides training. Then missions. The dead time between sims or courses, the R&R between deployments, all of it was just… waiting. The only things that mattered were the times I was preparing to fight or fighting. Tommy's version of that is building.
"He's fixated."
Cass frowned at me. "No duh." She sounded irritated.
"No." I shook my head. "I don't think you understand. He doesn't want to be, but he feels like he has to. I- after I joined the SPARTAN program, the only thing I did was train. Nothing else mattered. Thinking back on it now… I can't say I enjoyed it." PT, a lot of nights going to bed so tired and sore I couldn't move, a lot of broken bones, a lot of nights in the infirmary, even more in the cold.
Yeah, 'enjoy' would be a far too generous description. I huffed. "It felt like I didn't have a choice but to do it. Because I didn't want to- or maybe I couldn't think about what happened to me."
"You… never really told me what happened to you, by the way", she said. "All you've said is it's something similar to what happened to us."
And I don't have time for a Q&A now either. "The storytelling will have to wait until I get back. My home was attacked, my parents were killed. Point is…"
What is the point? It's to help Tommy, right? So… how does this help?
"It took a long time for that to change for me. My squad mates put a lot of effort into helping. It wasn't until I ended up here that started making a difference. Tommy isn't as far gone as I was but even so, he needs you, just like I needed- need everyone who's helped me."
"… I guess. It's just-" Cass paused, rubbing her eyes. "It's hard."
I almost laughed. But that would have been a bad idea. "It's hard for him too. You've already done it once. I think Tommy'll be an easier case than me."
Cass did laugh. It was tired. "You say that like you're finished."
"No." I shook my head. "Not even close."
A brief quiet fell over the hallway as she looked back into the lab again. "I know you and Brenda are right. I do. I just feel so… helpless."
Helpless. Seems like that's a common theme. It's something I'm going to change. I looked over her at the kid's sleeping form. "I know what you mean. But we will get Julian back." I wanted to tell her about what Danse said. The fewer people who knew about that, the better. Cass is smart and I don't think she'd talk about it. A casual comment during a conversation could tip the wrong person off. We can't be certain the Brotherhood hasn't put more informants in Sanctuary. Or wherever else we end up.
She nodded, still looking into the lab. "I still believe you. You are the Tin Man."
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was still sitting in my satchel. I'll have to find some time to read it.
"If you say so. I need to go. I'll be back in a day or two."
Cass turned away from the lab and knelt to pet Dogmeat. "You take care of him. Make sure he doesn't do anything too crazy."
While I doubt the German Shepherd understood, he responded with a gentle wag of his tail and licked her arm.
"Good boy", she said, standing. "I'll see you in a few days, then."
I nodded.
Cass drew herself up with a deep breath and walked back into the lab.
Staying here, helping her keep Tommy from falling into whatever hole Julian was neck-deep in, was enticing.
But what would I do to help?
Like I said: the best option is to leave that to the people who can. One day, I might be able to. That isn't today.
"Hope you got some sleep", I muttered to Dogmeat. We left for the lift.
Brenda and Corey were asleep, like most people in the town.
The large, cog-shaped platform ground itself to life and began its journey toward the surface.
Nate and I didn't have a long conversation. He's seen combat, a lot of it. He knows what to do.
"Radio ahead. If the Raiders haven't attacked, I'll rendezvous with you a klick west of the settlement. If they have, make a hole. I'll make sure the settlers don't shoot you."
"We can leave with you tonight", the infantryman said.
"No. We need a force large enough to make a difference if necessary. I can buy time if the Raiders are ahead of schedule."
The air was cool, I didn't need to bring up atmospherics to know that. Not that I could feel it.
We stepped off the lift and started east.
"I know you can…" Nate nodded slowly. "Just- ah dammit- just remember, in fights like these, the goal is to keep your base, or settlement, safe. It isn't to kill everyone else. Most people will retreat after a 30-40% loss."
"You aren't worried about me killing Raiders." I cocked my head at the smaller man.
"No, I'm not. I'm worried about you getting yourself killed."
"I've fought enough people who knew they were fighting me before. Ones a lot better prepared to do it than Raiders."
Nate smiled. "I know. This just feels… different. Something's going on." He looked east. We couldn't see the farms.
I followed his gaze. The Raiders sending such a large force to the school. That force staying on standby for two days. Them moving to attack the Farms so quickly afterward. Not being able to verify the intel.
"Agreed. Stay alert."
"You too."
Trusting Nate again… it still felt odd, as if I shouldn't be. I don't have much choice, not with this plan.
The trek passed quickly.
Sort of.
It was odd, almost like in high-stress combat situations where time seems to pass in an instant and drag on into eternity. My mind was racing as Dogmeat and I made our way down the pockmarked road. How would the Raiders come at the Farms? Would they be trying to overrun the settlement or damage our food production? What would the best defensive options be? Should I defend from the settlement? Or should I harass the attackers from the backline? What do we do with Nate's supplemental force? How do we respond to the attack once it's over?
So many questions and even more possibilities I've never had to deal with. I know how these types of wars are fought in principle, but I've always left the logistics and long-term strategizing to other people. My job was to deal with what was in front of me.
That's still my job. I have the added complication of having to plan for what comes next.
Little wonder the same people who decide to pull the trigger aren't the ones who make the decision about where those people go.
Worry about that later. For now, I need to focus on the Farm's defense.
We were getting close. The trees lining the road were beginning to thicken. The settlement was maybe a half-klick ahead.
Our issue was we didn't have the initiative here. We're playing defense. Literally and figuratively. So then I need to take a play out of the more conventional book.
… With my own twist.
But before I make any decisions, I need to see what plans Jake, Vincent, and their people have laid out. Mixing things up too much on them would only make things worse. They've got a plan together. They'll have drilled it. Hopefully, it will be something they're all familiar and comfortable with. Disrupting that is a bad idea, especially with inexperienced fighters.
Five minutes later, we reached the treeline. Beyond was 50 meters of open space before we'd reach their defensive perimeter.
I pulled one of the few remaining chem lights I had in my satchel and cracked it to life. I'd need to get more from one of my stashes.
The dull green glow illuminated the area around me. Standing, I waved the light back and forth over my head as I walked toward the perimeter. Radioing ahead would have been preferable but, like informing the Farms about the impending attack, that would have been like lighting off a flare on unsecured channels.
There were guns pointed at me, I could feel as much. No one fired.
Light spilled from houses and shacks past the perimeter, but they didn't have much exterior illumination. That was a… very different approach to defense from what Sanctuary did. Granted, the perimeter here was a lot less well-defined than the island's. That doesn't negate the need for sound static defenses.
Did they get night vision systems?
They had more of those squat watch towers set up. Had they come up with a safe way to move people to and from them?
"Stop there!" someone shouted from inside the small shack 100 meters ahead of me.
I did and watched as someone emerged from behind it-
Wearing an odd, bulky set of goggles.
Yes. Li had, somehow, gotten them NVS.
Her people get shit done… I liked her during my brief time in the Institute. The more time passes, the more that feeling is reaffirmed.
No doubt they were rudimentary but anything in a world where most of the people you're fighting don't have them is a huge advantage. And it'll help level the playing field against the Brotherhood.
The person moved toward Dogmeat and I, carefully picking their way toward us.
… Now that I was looking, the grass along his path was worn a little more than the rest. It would be hard to spot unless someone was searching for it. That was still something we'd need to address.
One step at a time. Deal with the incoming attack.
"Damon", the man said as he stopped a half dozen meters away. "Please come with me, sir."
Slipping the small glowing stick back into my satchel, I nodded.
The settler led us down the same path he used before waving me toward the 'town' they'd built. "I have to stay here but there are others on watch. They'll meet you when you get closer.
"Thanks", I replied and continued forward.
Another settler, this one an older woman, jogged out to meet me. She didn't have night vision on but the light filtering from the buildings behind her was probably enough.
"Hi- uh- sir", she said almost in a whisper.
The woman's eyes were wide and she'd stopped well short of Dogmeat and I. She had her hands balled into fists and her shoulders were tight. Was she… nervous?
Probably. Who knows what she's heard about me?
I don't think it's just what she might have heard about me. If this is going to be a recurring issue, I'll have to learn to deal with it. They're all about to get a much more personal view of what a fight looks like. And what SPARTANs look like fighting.
"Sorry for showing up so late. I need to talk with Vincent or Jake."
"Oh- yeah." She almost sounded relieved. "It's Vincent's watch tonight."
Without waiting for a reply, she whirled around and headed back toward the town. She led me to a relatively large structure near the center. Eight armed settlers were assembled inside, including Vincent. The Railroad operative stood from his seat at the far end of the large table they were at.
"Damon?" he asked as the others bolted to their feet. "I don't like you showing up here this late. Something's wrong, am I right?"
"Yes", I nodded. "A large Raider force is planning an attack today. Low estimate is 110 but my guess is it will be upward of 200. Maybe more."
"Oh shi-"
"I don't wanna hear it", Vincent barked to cut off one of the settlers. "That won't help us get this figured out." He lowered his voice again. "Alright. Let's get Jake and Anna in here. Hamlin, that's you and Chris. The rest of you go check in with your watch station. I want everyone back here in 10."
To their credit, the settlers dispersed without fanfare.
Vincent ran a hand over his close-cropped hair. "That's a lot of people. How good's your intel?"
"Questionable at best. I saw the force myself but the information I got might be a feint."
"Why do you say that?"
"That force's primary objective was to coerce the school into joining them", I replied. "They were worried about me being there. I found this out by interrogating one of their patrols. They might have been fed bad information and I didn't have time to verify."
The Railroad member nodded. "But we can't take a risk like that. I understand. What kind of resources do they have?"
"Small arms, some of them big enough to go through T-60. Fragmentation charges powerful enough to destroy a suit of it."
"Great", he grunted. "Where'd they get that from?"
"That's what I've been thinking about too. They have them now so we'll have to deal with it."
"Agreed." Vincent rested his hands on the stock of his rifle. "Let's wait until everyone else is back here. No point in going over everything twice."
Five minutes later, the two guards Vincent sent out returned with Jake and a groggy-looking Anna.
By the time I gave them the same brief, Anna was awake and alert.
"Well shit", the engineer moaned.
Vincent chuckled. "Thanks for summarizing how everyone here feels about it."
"If this attack is real, the Raiders are going to get creative. They know I might be here and they've gotten a lot better in the last few months." I turned to Jake. "How are your defenses laid out?"
"Well… it's- uh- it's pretty basic from what I know." The guy's voice was shaking. That isn't what we need from the person who's in charge of keeping these people alive. But… how do I fix that?
How do I calm myself down when I'm anxious?
Break things down, find something I'm comfortable with.
"Perimeter defense strategy?"
"The- uh-" he cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back. "We got the mines and watch towers. There's back- backup teams. And- I-"
"Breathe", Vincent interrupted. "You can't run a defense if you can't think." He looked at me. "We have primary positions at the watchtowers with support and QRF teams on standby. Snipers with overlapping fields all around including three teams up on the freeway." He pointed to the roof. "Fallback is signaled once the perimeter is breached in more than three places to prevent forces from being isolated. Each watchtower has a small tunnel dug to it. Barely enough to crawl through but it's all we've had time to make. The paths are rigged with manually detonated mines. We wanted to keep it simple."
"Understood", I said, nodding. "How many people can we field?"
"Not as many as we'd like with how many refugees we have now. 120. Maybe. Only 75 of those have been trained." He grimaced. "Well… sort of. A few weeks doesn't an expert make."
"Yeah", I muttered. 75 prepared fighters. That means I need to make sure the Raiders can't get a clean run at any part of the defense. Generally, a three-to-one advantage for the attackers means bad things happen. I have a feeling the Raiders will have more than three times our trained personnel.
So we need to leverage our advantages.
"How good are the shooters up there?" I ask, glancing up at the ceiling.
"All of them are high quality. I… can't vouch for their combat performance, but they're all experienced hunters. They know how to find targets and know how to hit them."
To make the best use of our advantages, we need the Raiders to show what they have as early as possible. A little subterfuge on our part can go a long way. They won't be dumb enough to think we wouldn't station anyone up there… they aren't dumb enough to think the Farms won't be prepared. I wouldn't be surprised to see tactics specifically to respond to my presence either. Considering their lack of vehicles and mobility, that will likely be a team of Raiders armed with large-caliber rifles.
The more simplistic we can make our defense appear, and the longer I can keep the Raiders thinking I'm not in play, the better.
A plan began forming.
Yes, we may need to keep things a little more conventional than I'm used to, but that doesn't mean we can't get creative. A good defense will have multiple levels. We need to make sure our best fighters are in protected, high-impact positions, and we need to make it look like our defense is unrefined.
And I need to be mobile once the game is up.
"Damon", Vincent said, "I know, after that stunt in Quincy, you can come up with some wild shit. We're limited in what we can do. Especially on short notice."
I nodded. The overwatch position has their best shooters. That's a good start. Maybe we just add a few wrinkles to that.
"I don't think we need to adjust your layout. Staggered timing can add complexity to a defense without compromising its integrity. Your QRFs are drilled to reinforce areas of heavy contact?" He nodded. "Good. How many do you have?"
"Four teams of five."
"Hold two as long as possible. Keep half your riflemen behind the perimeter in reserve as long as you can. We'll make do with cover from up top. Do you mind if I take command up there?"
The Railroad operative shrugged. "Are you gonna be with them?" I nodded. "All yours."
"Thanks." I turned to Anna. "How fast can you work?"
She cocked an eyebrow. "… Very."
"I need a cable long enough to reach the ground from the overpass. It has to be strong enough to support at least a ton."
"Yeah." She nodded. "I can find one and get it ready."
A/N: Okay. I promised an explanation. It was a perfect storm of bad timing, tbh. This subject is a little heavy so if you're here for lighthearted entertainment, I suggest continuing on with your day.
My aunt was diagnosed with glioblastoma just before Thanksgiving 2020. It's a terminal brain cancer that generally progresses very quickly. Most people don't survive past 12 months after diagnosis. She fought for almost 3 years. She started complaining of increasingly painful headaches near the end of June. We took her to the hospital and they admitted her for testing. The cancer had spread to the point it was causing inflammation through the right hemisphere of her brain. Three days later, she was unresponsive. We knew it was the end. We took her to hospice where she lasted another week before dying July 3rd, around 9 in the morning. It was… difficult, more for my cousins than me, but this aunt had a huge impact on my life too. She's the reason I went to the college I did, introducing me to the engineering department and expediting my application. Then a week later I had to fly to Arizona for work.
Finding both the time and motivation to write has been difficult. But something I realized is I've sorta been going through the emotional journey the characters in this story have been alongside them. I know I'm the one writing and ultimately controlling the story, but there are times it feels I'm there with them, fighting, struggling, and growing. Over the last few weeks, writing has developed a new meaning for me. It isn't just putting words on a page. It's… it's a place I can go to explore thoughts and ideas I can't on my own. Even if these characters only exist on this page and in the minds of the people who read this, there are times I feel as if they are standing beside me as I write. There are times it feels as though they're helping me work through things I wouldn't otherwise.
Long story short, the last month has been hard. This story means so much more to me than words on my computer, and these characters are people to me in every sense but a physical one. I hope you find some solace in them too. As has become custom, thank you to everyone who has read this far. I truly appreciate the support.
And thank you for everything, Mary Jo. Your fight is over now. We'll take it from here.