Summary: "Things get broken, and sometimes they get repaired, and in most cases, you realise that no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully." A Little Life, Hanya Yanagihara
Notes: Ok, so don't hate me for writing this. I actually originally hand-wrote this out with a pencil when I was meant to be packing. Anyway, here we are eight pages later and at 2 am in the morning. If you want to blame someone, then blame Olivia Benson/ Alex Cabot fanfiction for inspiring this. Right, get to the point, sorry. Remember a couple of chapters ago when we discovered Mol-El was a douchbag? I was feeling in an angsty mood today, so here is what would have happened if Lena found out sooner—warning, really angsty. Though I'm unsure about the second half of this, I do not know where my brain was going.
TW: Semi-graphic description of rape and blood
As always, let me know what you think
Riv Riv :)
See end of chapter for more notes
"Things get broken, and sometimes they get repaired, and in most cases, you realise that no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully." A Little Life, Hanya Yanagihara
Kara didn't know how long she had been crying; maybe it started when Mon-El walked through the door or their two lips met, even though her body was saying no. Just take your mind somewhere else, not here. That was all she was thinking. Maybe the crying started when he began to remove her clothes. Just keep breathing, Kara; perhaps you will like it this time. Supergirl would be able to say no; for god's sake, just say no. But she couldn't; if she said no, he would get mad, and it would hurt more. It will be over soon. She feels her feet drag along the floor as she's pulled to the bed. Why the fuck did she let him in? Maybe he changed; maybe it was just for one more night.
She heard the zip of his flies undo as he shoved her down on the mattress. His hands getting further up her legs. Why did she wear a skirt? She could have chosen to wear slacks, and then maybe she would have had a chance. Kara felt the fabric between her legs sliding to the side, wishing it to stay in place. But wishing does nothing. She trimmed at the sensation of his fingers inside her, tugging at her delicate skin. "Just close your eyes; it will be over soon." She didn't know if it was him saying that or her mind. Short relief came when he removed his fingers, only to be replaced with the pain of him pushing himself back inside. Kara put a hand over her mouth, stifling her scream; it would all be over soon. "You feel so good, baby."
She learnt a long time ago not to fight back; fighting back meant violence, and violence meant more pain. It was easier to lay there in silence and just lake it. She felt a warm liquid enter her; he'd finished it would all be over soon. Rao, please let it be over. "Clean me up, baby girl. Good girl, see, that's much better." All Kara could think of was the quicker she did as she was asked, the quicker he would leave.
Kara sat alone in the bathroom when the knock came; the Kryptonian was a mess of tears and other bodily liquids, not having the strength to clean up once he left. The knock came again about a minute later. Why wouldn't she just go away? "Kara, darling, I know you are in there. Please open the door, sweetheart?" Of course, it was her, the one person Kara could maybe tell. No, that was a stupid idea, like Lena would believe her. She heard the door click open and the ever-closing sound of heels padding across the apartment. Why did she give Lena a key?
"Kara, love, I'm not going to unlock the bathroom door. Just open it when you're ready, darling." Her voice was soft and kind, almost like you would use talking to an injured animal. Laoina began to sing an old Celtic lullaby in her native tongue. It went on for what seemed hours before the witch heard the faithful click of the bathroom lock. Getting up off the floor, kicking her heels off, and slowly opened the door to give the Kryptonian enough time to change her mind.
Lena's heart broke at the sight of her best friend huddled naked in the corner, crying. Wordlessly the witch grabbed a towel and held it out for the blonde. Kara accepted, draping it over her shoulders like a blanket and watched as the other woman sat down beside her, leaving some distance between them. "Can I touch you?" Kara hadn't been asked permission for many things in her life before. She wasn't sure if she wanted the raven-haired woman to come any closer. The Kryptonian shook her head lightly but unsurely. "Kara, darling, can you tell me with your words? I want you to say it." Kara's voice wobbled as she pushed air over her vocal cords. Ok, telling Lena no. She's got this.
"N… N… No." She did it; she actually said no.
"Well done, sweetheart; I'm really proud of you. I'm going to get you some clothes, and you can tell me what happened." Lena had a feeling it was to do with Mon-El. She never liked him; he seemed too full of himself. She searched through the drawers finding a pair of joggers and one of her college jumpers that had mysteriously gone missing. Upon returning to the bathroom, she caught sight of the bed, a small stain on the fitted sheet. "Oh, mo stór." She realised what had happened. How could she be so stupid to miss it? All the signs were there? Kara had become more distant and flinched at touch. Supergirl had almost dropped out of the media's attention. God, she was so stupid.
"Kara, mo ghrá, are you bleeding? I noticed the stain on the sheets." Kara drew back; Rao thought she was an idiot for leaving them out. The tears started to fall as the ruins of the walls fell down. "Oh, milseán, it's ok. I'll get you a pad." The witch wanted nothing more than to pull Kara into her arms, to dry those tears and hold her for all eternity. "Here you go, sweetheart. I'm going to change the sheets while you get dressed. Then we're going to go to mine. Is that ok, darling?" Kara nodded with slight relief at getting out of here. "Use your words mo pháiste." Laoina so desperately wanted to give some power back to her alien friend, even if, to start, it was one-word answers. "Yes."
Kara slowly got dressed, moaning at every muscle she moved. Did Lena know? Maybe she could just play it off as the aftermath of rough sex? Her mind ran through the scenarios, Lena being mad and chucking her out. Mon-El coming to get her at Lena's apartment. Lena is disgusted with her, not wanting to be friends with a whore. But Lena hadn't touched her this whole time. She respected the no. She respected Kara, not even using her magic in case Kara would feel the energy on her skin. Nothing. Lena was taking the time to change the bed sheets instead of just clicking her fingers and watching them change themselves.
There was another knock on the bathroom door. "You ready, mo chuisle?" The portal opened to view the witch's living room; Kara looked back for reassurance, hugging the jumper close. It smelled of her, of the calm forest, overpowering the smell of iron. Kara walked through slowly, looking around. It wasn't the first time she had been to Lena's. The room was filled with soft green tones, golden Celtic knots hanging on the walls, and a mild smell of jasmine and hawthorn.
"Let me get you a towel to sit on, sweetheart. It will make the sofa a little bit softer and less uncomfortable." When Lena returned, she folded up the fluffy towel placing it on the sofa before giving the young Kryptonian a blanket. "Lena?"
"Yes, darling." It was almost so quiet that the witch couldn't hear.
"Can I have a hug?" Laoina sat down and held open her arms allowing Kara to fall in. Upon contact, Kara let out a loud sob.
"I've got you; no one can touch you. Tá tú agam, ní féidir le duine a bith teagmháil a dhéanamh leat." The witch carried on saying sweet nothings to the Kryptonian as she cried. "When you're ready, a stór mo chroí, do you think you can tell me what happened?"
They sat for an hour before Kara found her voice. "I thought it would be different this time. I thought he changed. Rao, this is all my fault. I let him do it again, Lee. It hurt, but I thought it would be less painful if I just lay there. And now I've made a mess of your sofa. You shouldn't like this, Lee. I'm going to go." Before Kara could get up, she felt a soft hand over her arm willing her gently back down again. "Kara, mo mhuirnín, none of this is your fault. You haven't ruined my sofa; it's only a towel, sweetheart. You survived." Kara looked down, not wanting to meet Laoina's eyes in case she burst into tears again. Everything still hurt; her powers weren't doing anything. "Kara, mo chroí, you are still bleeding quite a bit. We might have to call Alex."
Kara didn't like that idea; fear came over her face. If Lena had called Alex, then she would have to tell her. No. That was not happening. Kara took off to the corner, hugging Lena's jumper close. "No. Please, no!" Lena got up off the sofa, meeting the blonde at her level, keeping her distance, offering out a hand. "It's ok, darling. I won't call Alex. Just you and me, ceart go leor mo ghrá. There we go. Mo ghrá, please may I have a look? I know it's embarrassing and uncomfortable, but I just want to make sure you don't need stitches. And maybe I could take a look at some of those cuts too? Please, Kara, I won't hurt you. I promise." The Kryptonian rose to her feet, nodding. She could trust Lena, right? "Could we start with the cuts?" Lena nodded, grabbing the first aid kit she had specially made for Kara before guiding the alien back to the sofa. She thought it best to avoid the bedroom.
"I'm going to start with the nail marks on your right wrist, ok? You are in control; if it gets too much, just say, and we will have a break, ok?" The Kryptonian nodded, just willing this to be over, "Ceart go leor, a stór, can you roll up your sleeve? That's it; you are doing amazing." Laoina gently put pressure on the cuts, grabbing the goldenseal and softly placing it under her palm against Kara's broken skin. She remembered that Kara didn't like the smell of antiseptic, so she stocked up on natural alternatives. Goldenseal was the one that had the least potent smell. Gently cleaning the wounds with a damp gauze before moving onto Kara's left arm and repeating the process. "You're doing so well, sweetheart." The alien let a small tear fall down her cheek; Lena was so gentle and caring. It was the next part she didn't want to do. She never wanted to be touched there again.
"Cara, mo ghrá, before the next bit, I just want to talk through some things to make you feel as comfortable and safe as possible. Ok, sweetheart?" Kara looked down with a slight nod, trying to hide herself, "Hey, look at me, leanbh." The witch gently guided the Kryptonian's head up to meet her eyes. "Darling, I need to know where he touched you? I don't want to invade your privacy any more than necessary. Ceart go leor?" Kara just pointed; she couldn't bear to talk. Pointing in between her legs and behind her before pointing at her mouth. The tears were falling faster now; she allowed her body to collapse into Lena. "You are being really brave, go raibh maith agat. Alright, sweetheart, can you look at me, please?" Kara's head popped up out of Laoina's shoulder, "Ok, so I'm going to be as quick as possible. We're going to cover you with a blanket, and I'm going to tell you everything I do before touching you, and only if you say it's ok. I'm going to have gloves on, and if you need any stitches, I'm going to put a spell on the area so you won't feel a thing. Just focus on my voice and heartbeat; I won't let anything happen to you." Kara was scared and terrified but nodded. Lena was right; she could do this.
"Kara, do you want to touch my hand first so you know what to expect?" Lena let the Kryptonian examine her hand, "Ceart go leor, banphrionsa, are you ready? I'm just going to clean around your vaginal opening first with gauze, so I can see what's going on. Ok? Just focus on me. That's it; you're doing amazing." The Kryptonian gave a muffled yes anticipating the touch. Lena's hands felt like a feather moving across her skin; the course was soft but, under slight pressure, began to sting. "Lee?" The witch immediately stopped, meeting Kara's eyes, "Could you please use your spell? It stings, not much, but it's uncomfy." Kara wriggled beneath the blanket, looking up at Lena, almost fearful that asking would get her into trouble." Of course, sweetheart, I'm sorry. Just relax; you're doing great. It looks like you're going to need some stitches anyway. Are you ok with me doing them?" Kara knew Lena went to medical school and trusted her. She would rather Lena than Alex see her like this.
"Suaimhneas domhain na tonn reatha duit,
Suaimhneas domhain an aeir ag sileadh chugat,
Suaimhneas domhain a domain chiúm chugat,
Suaimhneas mór na réaltaí geala duit,
Suaimhneas domhain na hoíche mhín chugat,
Doirteann an ghealach agus na réaltaí asolas leighis ort."
As Laoina sang, faeries appeared, dancing around above their heads. For the first time in years, Kara felt at peace. She felt safe and warm. Cared for, even loved. Lena kept singing, every now and then stopping to check-in. It was only ten minutes before the witch had finished placing all the stitches and sterilising everything with goldenseal. She slowly released Kara from the spell, not wanting to startle the Kryptonian, but kept the faeries flying around the living room; they seemed to be calming the blonde alien. She cleaned up, disposing of the medical waste before making her way back to Kara with a glass of wild comfrey tea. "Here, a stór, drink this. It will take the edge off while the spell wears off. Total of 10 stitches. Don't worry; I used dissolvable ones, sweetheart. You are so brave. Would you like a hug, mo ghrá?"
They sat on the sofa, Kara feeling safe nestled into Lena's arms. So this is what feeling loved felt like. Laoina was reading her book aloud, feeling Kara getting heavier in her arms. She put her book down on the coffee table, placing a soft kiss on the alien's forehead.
"'Bhí sí cumhachtach nach raiibh eagla uirth, ach toisc go ndeachhaigh sí ar aghaidh chomh láidir sin in ainneoin an eagla.' I mionn duit a mo shaol Cara, ní ghortòidh aón duine tú arís."
Notes: Right there you go, I'm sorry. I still don't like the second half of this, but oh well. Maybe this could be seen as Kara having a dream, I don't know. I'm gonna stop rambling now though. Here's the info about all the references and what not:
The book quote at the beginning is from A Little Life.
The lullaby I imagine Lena singing in this is called Bí thusa mo shúile. Link: watch?v=9zoIplwF9Jo
Jasmine meaning love, beauty and sensuality, and Hawthorne used in Irish Celtic tradition to warn off bad spirits.
Goldenseal is a flower used as a natural antiseptic, commonly you would use the roots.
The song Lena to Kara is a Celtic blessing I learnt in choir. It translates to: Deep peace of the running waves for you, deep please of the flowing air to you, deep peace of the quiet earth to you, deep peace of the shining stars to you, deep peace of the gentle night to you, moon and star pour their healing light on you. Link for full song in English: watch?v=I6PQRXXn9ko
As always, Irish in this:
mo stór - My treasure
mo ghrá - My love
milseán - sweetheart
mo pháiste - my child
mo chuisle - my pulse
Tá tú agam, ní féidir le duine a bith teagmháil a dhéanamh leat - I've got you, no one can touch you.
a stór mo chroí - light of my heart
mo mhuirnín - my darling
mo chroí - my love
ceart go leor mo ghrá - alright my love
Ceart go leor, a stór - ok treasure
Cara, mo ghrá - Kara, my love
leanbh - baby
Ceart go leor - ok
go raibh maith agat - thank you
Ceart go leor, banphrionsa - alright, princess
faeries - farieie
Bhí sí cumhachtach nach raiibh eagla uirth, ach toisc go ndeachhaigh sí ar aghaidh chomh láidir sin in ainneoin an eagla.' I mionn duit a mo shaol Cara, ní ghortòidh aón duine tú arís - She was powerful, not because she wasn't scared but because she went on. so strongly despite the fear' I swear on my life Kara, no one will ever hurt you again.