Chapter 04 Cuivré (Or, a rough tone)
The weekend with Kurama had been exactly what Asuka needed. He'd kept her distracted and happy while the clock counted down to their first fertility appointment. Asuka knew Kurama was worried about her, so to help herself and him, she gave in to his efforts and enjoyed their time together.
And today, Asuka had rehearsals with the Tokyo Orchestra, which would also help distract her from the ticking clock.
In seven hours, we'll get tested. Seven more hours, Asuka thought as she entered Orchard Hall in Tokyo.
Inside, members of the orchestra were busy tuning instruments and chatting with each other. Asuka walked toward the stage. It felt good to be back and she was excited to play a concert with them.
"Asuka!" the conductor waved as she approached.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Senju!"
Several of the orchestra members put down their instruments and waved hello. Kenji stood up from his place among the cellists and came toward her.
"We're glad to have you back," Mr. Senju said. "Kenji told me all about your trip, but I have to ask; how did you like traveling through the States?"
"It was wonderful," Asuka said. "Juilliard was my favorite. We got to speak with a lot of students and spent time in the classrooms."
"I heard that your lecture on Franz Liszt and Fredrik Chopin's rivalry and friendship was very well received."
"It was," Asuka said. "The students loved it."
Kenji stood next to Asuka. "She tells it like she was there. I keep saying she should turn her lecture into a book."
"Asuka Minamino, world-renowned pianist, author, and lecturer," Senju said with a smile. "Seems fitting."
Asuka thanked him for the compliment and then went to the piano. She smiled to herself before playing a warm-up piece.
After fifteen minutes, Senju said to the orchestra, "Looks like we're ready to go. Let's get to work."
Everyone took their place.
Asuka rolled her shoulders and stretched her fingers before she settled them on the piano. Senju looked back at her. They nodded to each other, and the rehearsal began.
Playing a piano concerto with an orchestra was fun, but it took some coordination for both pianist and orchestra to understand one another. The piece also had some call-and-answer between piano and orchestra. It took time, but everyone fell into a groove.
This piano concerto was fun to play, and soon Asuka thought of nothing but the delightful sounds she was coaxing out of the piano.
When they took a break, Mr. Senju sighed. "Asuka, you are such a joy to work with."
"Thank you, Mr. Senju," Asuka said. "I love being here."
The first chair violinist flashed a smile, and they continued to rehearse.
As Asuka played, a memory of Kurama's eyes floated across her thoughts. The way he'd been staring at her while she practiced this weekend. She played in only thigh-highs as requested, but his gaze held more than just desire. The ache from their separation still hadn't been soothed and he needed her.
Oh, Kurama, Asuka thought during the Adagio portion of the piece. I am the luckiest woman alive.
As the music turned complicated, Kurama's eyes left her mind. She smiled.
After the rehearsal was over, Asuka went and sat next to Kenji as he packed his cello.
"You seemed like you were having fun," Kenji said.
"I was. It's a great piece and there's a reason it's so loved."
"It's nice to see," said the woman next to Kenji. "Sometimes the pianists who come here to solo are so…serious. Not that you aren't, but your enjoyment is infectious. I think everyone can sense your mood."
"Piano extracts a lot of different emotions out of me," Asuka said. "The Adagio section is so beautiful, and the first and third moments are delightful. Sometimes the more serious pieces take an emotional toll on me, so it's nice to play something more lighthearted."
The cellist nodded, then left.
"I'm excited for the concert," Asuka said. "Will Akira be here?"
Kenji smiled. "He will."
"Oh good. It's been forever since I've seen him."
"Will Shuichi be there?"
"Front and center."
"Good."
The two friends sat together and appreciated each other's company before Asuka pulled out her phone and checked the time. "Well, I best be off. I've got an errand I need to run with Shuichi this evening before we go home."
"I'll see you at the next rehearsal, Asuka."
"Sounds good. See you then."
Asuka got up, bid farewell to the conductor, and left Orchard Hall behind. Asuka opted for a cab instead of taking the train since the cab was more direct.
When she arrived at Kurama's office building, she found him outside waiting for her and wearing that charcoal gray coat he'd gotten.
So sexy.
"Hello, Love," Kurama said as he opened the door. "Do you want to take this cab, or would you rather take the train?"
Asuka thought for a moment. "Traffic will be piling up in that part of the city, so we best take the train."
"Sounds good." He took her hand, and she stepped out of the cab. "How was rehearsal?"
"It was good. This piece is a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to playing it."
"Can't wait to go," said Kurama.
The business district was bustling with people rushing home. Kurama held her hand and threaded them through the sea of bodies as they made their way to the JR Line station closest to his office.
"How was your day?" Asuka asked.
"Boring and long," Kurama said. "I missed you. I think it's going to take some time for things to feel normal."
"I'm sorry."
Kurama stopped abruptly and pivoted to Asuka. He brought her closer to his body. The people broke around them as if they were a single rock in a churning river.
"Don't apologize," Kurama said into her ear. "Never apologize for doing what you love. It was important. Don't regret going."
"I know," Asuka whispered back. "But…it was hard for me, too."
The people kept threading by them on either side.
"We'll figure it out for next time," Kurama said. "But you should never turn down an opportunity to play unless you genuinely don't want it. Okay, Love?"
"Okay."
Kurama looked down at her lips and wet his own. "I'd kiss you if we weren't in public," he said, his voice still low.
"I know."
He smiled. "Let's get to our appointment."
Asuka swallowed and then nodded. They turned and rejoined the people walking and commuted to their appointment.
The fertility center was a newly constructed building with a large glass front and a veranda for patient drop-off and pickups. Asuka squeezed Kurama's hand as they entered the building.
A wave of nausea rolled over her. Can this body get pregnant? she wondered for the millionth time.
"Checking in?" the receptionist asked.
"Yes," Asuka said. "Mr. and Mrs. Minamino."
"Alright. Here are some forms for you to fill out." The woman handed Asuka a clipboard.
"Thank you."
Asuka and Kurama took their seats and Kurama settled his hand on Asuka's shoulder. He peered over to watch her fill out the answers.
The section for the male partner was small and involved questions about maintaining an erection, ejaculation, and frequency of sexual intercourse.
Asuka breezed through the questions for Kurama. They were: no problems, no problems, and very often.
Her section was longer and more complex. They asked questions such as the last date of her period, the frequency of her period, the duration of her period, what her flow was like, and if she had menstrual symptoms.
It also asked other questions; decreased sexual drive? Vaginal dryness? Night sweats? Hot flashes? Difficulty concentrating?
Asuka checked no for those and moved on to the questions about birth control. What type had she been on? For how long?
There were more triggering questions after that.
Kurama squeezed her shoulder as Asuka filled out the form. When she finished, she gave it back to the receptionist and waited.
About fifteen minutes later, they were called into the doctor's office.
The nurse went over the questionnaire with Kurama and Asuka and then gave Asuka a hospital gown and privacy sheet.
"Change into these," she said. "The doctor will be with you shortly."
The nurse left, and Asuka stripped. She avoided making eye contact with Kurama while she did so because it felt too weird in the clinical setting. Once she put the gown on, she sat next to him.
He kissed her forehead. "I love you," he said gently. "Every moment with you is a moment I cherish. No matter what happens, we can get through it."
Asuka nodded and leaned into her husband's touch. "I believe that, too."
The doctor knocked and then entered the office. She was a short, older woman with a tightly wound bun and a crinkly smile. "Hello, Dearies," she said. "I'm Doctor Shino. I'm so sorry that you've been having trouble conceiving."
The older woman immediately put Asuka at ease. "Thank you, Doctor."
"I've looked at your questionnaire, and I agree that we need to do some tests." She looked them both in the eyes. "For you, Mr. Minamino, we'll need a sperm sample, which we will take here. You'll need to ejaculate into a cup so it can go to the lab for immediate testing. We'll use it to look at your white blood cell count, sperm count, and health of sperm."
Kurama nodded.
"For you, Dearie, it's more involved," the doctor said. "We're going to need an ultrasound, x-ray, standard vaginal exam, bloodwork, and, depending on what we find, additional tests. We can only do the blood work on certain days of your cycle."
The doctor checked her notes. "Okay. Looks like we can test your FSH levels today, so I'll order your blood work after the vaginal exam. We can do the x-ray and ultrasound today as well. While you're getting your blood work done, we'll have Mr. Minamino give his sample. It's common for men to feel anxious, so if you have any problems, let us know."
"Thank you, Doctor," Asuka said.
She nodded and gestured to the chair. Asuka climbed up, put her feet into the stirrups, and put the cover over her lap.
"Okay, Asuka," the doctor said from under the sheet, "this will probably feel uncomfortable. I'm going to check for abnormalities and take a PAP smear."
"I'm ready."
Asuka had a high pain tolerance, but pelvic exams were still uncomfortable. She grimaced as she felt the doctor's fingers pressing and she let out a gasp when she felt the swab go against her cervix. Her abdomen cramped in protest.
"Sorry," the doctor said. "All done now. Everything felt normal, which is a good sign. I don't anticipate your PAP smear to come back abnormal since the one you got last year was normal, but we have to check, just in case."
Asuka sat up straight.
"You can use that robe for your blood test so you don't have to change and then get undressed again for the x-ray."
"Thank you."
"Mrs. Minamino, follow the signs to your left, and Mr. Minamino, follow the signs to your right. We should have the results for you soon. You'll come back in and we'll discuss what we find, as well as all of your options."
She exited the room and left Kurama and Asuka alone.
"Will you need something stimulating to look at?" Asuka joked.
Despite the seriousness of their situation, Kurama gave Asuka a sultry look. "I only need to think of that thing you do with your mouth, Love."
Asuka smiled.
Kurama leaned over, put his hand on her cheek, and looked deep into her eyes before he gave her a searing kiss. "Catch up with you soon."
"Okay."
They left the office and parted ways.
Asuka checked in with the technician and sat in a chair next to a pile of gossip magazines. Across the lobby was a woman whose eyes were cast downward to her lap, where she fidgeted with her keys. A single emotion radiated from her tense frame.
Asuka swallowed. It was shame.
The woman's name was called, and her eyes slid upward, briefly connecting with Asuka's. At the moment their eyes connected, Asuka blinked. The woman nodded. The gesture was so slight anyone else would've missed it, but not Asuka. Her heart tightened as she watched the woman leave the lobby.
"…Mrs. Minamino?"
Asuka turned. "That's me."
"This way, please."
Asuka followed the woman behind a curtain to a station shaped like a school desk.
"Place your arm there," the woman said.
Asuka obeyed.
"Name and date of birth?"
Asuka gave the information.
"Okay. Roll up your sleeve so I can see your forearm."
Asuka did so.
"Tight rubber band," the woman said as she wrapped the elastic around Asuka's bicep and tied it off.
The technician tapped Asuka's veins and then stuck the needle. There was silence as she drew several vials of blood.
"All finished." The technician put a bandage on Asuka's arm. "You're being sent to…" she looked at the sheet. "Imaging. Go down that hall and turn left. Follow the signs."
"Thank you."
"Good luck."
There was no one else waiting at imaging so Asuka was promptly led to the examination room where the next technician explained the procedure. In order to get proper x-rays of her uterus, fallopian tubes, and eggs, they would need to inject iodine into her uterus.
"If something is blocked, this is how we tell," he explained.
Asuka nodded.
"You may experience cramping. Another side effect is fainting. If you feel dizzy, let me know."
"Okay, I'm ready."
Asuka leaned back and put her feet into the stirrups. It was all so undignified, but necessary. She wished Kurama was finished and back by her side. She needed him.
"Here comes the tube," the technician warned.
Asuka gripped the armchair as she felt the tube snake up her body and go through her cervix. Her abdomen violently cramped in protest. Once the tube was inside, she heard a squishing sound, and a chill ran through her body.
After the technician finished, he said, "Here is some absorbing underwear for you to put on. When you stand up, the iodine will come back out. I'll be back in a few minutes. We need to give the iodine some time to permeate."
The technician left Asuka in the darkened room.
Asuka slipped her granny diaper on and put her forearm over her eyes. Tears slipped out and rolled down her face.
"There you are," a soft voice said.
Asuka turned her head and watched her husband enter the room. "Kurama," she said in relief.
He clasped her hand. "I apologize I am late. The man before me was having some problems and he took a while."
"Everything come out okay for you?"
Kurama chuckled, then pressed his lips to her forehead.
"I'll take that as a yes," she said dryly.
The technician returned. "We should be ready now. Mr. Minamino, if you could step out here—"
"I'd rather stay with my wife."
"Certainly." The technician went to the wall and grabbed a lead vest and handed it to Kurama.
Kurama didn't take his eyes off Asuka as he put the vest on. He gripped her hand again, and they waited for the pictures to be snapped.
"One…two…three…" the technician said from the booth. He came out and put another x-ray film into the machine.
"Thank you," Asuka murmured to Kurama.
"Told you I'd never leave you."
She sighed.
After a few more pictures, the technician came out again. "Okay, you're all set. Take it slow when you get down."
"I feel fine—" Asuka slipped as she stepped off the table. The technician went to grab her, but two strong arms caught her instead.
"I've got you," Kurama said gently. "Did you get dizzy?"
"It's a common side effect from the injection," the technician explained.
Kurama tightened his hold on Asuka.
"I'll get a wheelchair for her," he said.
"No need," said Kurama. "She's light. Tell me where to go."
The technician stared at Kurama. Asuka tucked herself further into his arms and closed her eyes. "He can carry me."
"Alright then. Mr. Minamino, you can follow me. I'll show you where the ultrasound imaging is."
"Sorry," Asuka murmured into his chest. "I'm so dizzy. Did that make you have a flashback?"
"Yes," Kurama admitted. "But it's alright. I'm here for you."
Asuka felt the steady beat of his heart as they walked down the hall. "Thank you for carrying me," she whispered.
"It's just in here," the technician said. "You can set her down on that reclined chair."
Kurama adjusted Asuka in his arms, then laid her down. When she saw his face, she saw how worried he was.
I'm sorry, Love.
They waited until the next technician came in. She explained the ultrasound was for looking at Asuka's ovaries so they could check the egg follicles for cysts and other abnormalities.
By the time everything was over, Asuka was exhausted. She'd been poked, prodded, quizzed, and questioned.
"Do you still feel dizzy?" Kurama asked as they gathered their jackets and Asuka's purse.
"A little."
"Okay, I'm going to call a cab." He got out his cell phone and ordered a cab to come to pick them up. "Are you hungry?"
"Not really," said Asuka. "I just want to go home. I feel overwhelmed."
"Okay," Kurama said. "If you want to eat, I'll cook for you. For now, let's just concentrate on getting home."
Asuka nodded and put her hand over her abdomen.
Please, body. Please, please don't fail me again.
Author's Note:
Being a woman is hard. It's especially hard when our bodies don't do the things biology says they ought to do. Sending love to those who've had to deal with uncooperative bodies, whether that revolves around fertility/baby stuff or not.
We're getting into a groove here! The weekly updates are working for where I'm at right now, so that's what I'll stick to. Hoping I'll be able to do more frequent updates at some point in the future. Having a story "in process" makes me a bit anxious, don't know why, haha.
See you next week!
-Arielle