Chapter 24 Leitmotif (Or, A short, recurring musical phrase, usually associated with a character, idea, event, or object)
For the first time in Kurama and Asuka's relationship—Kurama wasn't sure what to do. Citing an emergency, he'd taken off some time from work and did his best to be there for his wife.
The problem was, every attempt at comfort or companionship was met with stoic silence or a shrug. All she wanted, it seemed, was to sit with headphones.
Silent headphones.
He gave her the courtesy by pretending not to know, but it killed him.
Meanwhile, Kurama couldn't afford to stay idle. The silence rang in his sensitive ears. If he sat around, his emotions might catch up to him, and he couldn't afford that. Instead, he worked out—a lot. He also started taking calls and doing some work at home. Nothing that would require his undivided attention, but minor tasks he could focus on while being a sturdy presence for Asuka.
Oh, Asuka. That image of her curled up in the shower…he absentmindedly got on the floor and began doing pushups. He did them until his biceps burned.
He looked up and found Asuka standing in the spare bedroom doorway with a plaintive expression. He yearned to fold her into his chest. For her to finally let go and sob and scream and cry. She hadn't cried once since he found her in the bathroom.
He swallowed and then recentered his focus. "What is it, Love?" he asked gently.
"Phone call," she said, her voice even. "From your office."
He stared at her for a moment, wondering how she would explain hearing the phone if she was listening to music.
"Thank you." When stood up and took the phone from her hands, his fingers brushed over hers. She flinched, and it pained him.
"Hello?" Kurama asked.
"Hi Shuichi," his assistant said. "I'm so sorry, I know things…are hard right now, but we've got a real situation. There has been a devastating mixup with the Sento Group's accounts."
Kurama tensed. That was especially bad because Sento was their company's largest account. "Tell me in detail."
His assistant explained an accountant found several lines of discrepancy in an outgoing invoice that amounted to tens of thousands of Yen. But where the lines came from remained a mystery.
Kurama ran his fingers through his hair. Something this sloppy meant they could lose Sento—especially if they found discrepancies in other invoices.
"Your father says he needs you to come in. If we don't find where the issue came from, we'll have to tell Sento why their invoice is delayed and that other invoices may have issues."
Kurama glanced at Asuka. He couldn't leave her. He was worried about her. Even if she didn't want his loving touch or his verbal comfort, he needed to be her rock. Even if she didn't take refuge on that rock.
Asuka's face softened. "I heard what your assistant said. You should go. I'll be okay, I promise."
He didn't believe her.
"I'll ask Himari to come over so I won't be alone."
Kurama stared suspiciously.
Asuka pulled out her phone and sent a text. There was an immediate reply, which Asuka showed him.
Himari: I'll be there. Let me know if you need anything. I can stop on the way and pick it up. Coffee? Pastries?
Kurama loathed to leave his wife in such a state, but perhaps leaving was best. Maybe she didn't need him. Maybe she needed another woman to confide in. Asuka once told him Himari had multiple miscarriages. Maybe Himari could get through to her. If he wasn't at home, Asuka could speak freely.
"Okay, I'll be there in an hour," Kurama said to his assistant.
"We'll see you then."
He hung up the phone and turned his attention back to Asuka. She forced out a small smile. "Go do what you do best. I know you're going stir-crazy in here. It'll be good for you to get out."
"Asuka." Her name came out pained.
"Better shower," she murmured before leaving him alone again.
Kurama hated this.
When he went into their bathroom, his mind flashed to that image of Asuka alone and miscarrying in the shower. He grit his teeth, put up his hair, and took a five-minute shower. Just enough to rinse the sweat off his body.
Then he went into their bedroom and put on his charcoal gray suit and emerald tie. They were Asuka's favorite. After, he went into the living room and found Asuka again.
"I'll be back soon," he promised her.
She nodded.
As he walked past, Asuka called his name. He whipped toward her.
"Um…" she fiddled with her fingers. "Will you pick up curry on the way home?"
His heart soared at her request for food. She hardly ate what he prepared, but maybe her favorite food could entice her to eat. "Of course, Love."
"Thank you."
He hesitated.
"I'll be okay. Promise."
He hesitated again. "Call me if you need anything."
"I will." He turned to leave.
"Kurama?"
He turned around again.
"I love you."
He was relieved. "I love you, too." Unable to help himself, he went over to her and kissed her forehead. For the first time in three days, she didn't shrink away from him. And he felt a spark of hope that perhaps, just perhaps, things would start improving.
-* ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ *-
"It's good to have you back," his assistant said as Kurama walked into the office. "How is Asuka?"
"She's—" he stopped. "Physically recovering."
His assistant nodded.
"Tell my father I am here and I will begin looking at the accounts. Once I have everything together, I'll head to his office."
"I will."
Kurama entered his office, took off his coat, and hung it up before he swung around his desk and sank into his chair. The computer booted.
The Sento account was Kurama's biggest responsibility, but since he'd been so busy with Asuka and the Makai, he'd lost his work focus. He didn't regret his priority shift, but it was terrible timing.
Kurama got to work and began combing through the invoices. While he did that, he wrote down any reasons Sento might consider terminating their contract and what the company could do to keep them. He also worked through what his company's rivals were saying, the lies they were probably employing, and how best to combat them.
He excelled at multitasking, after all.
He was so focused that he didn't notice his door open.
"Hello, Mr. Minamino," a poisonous voice said.
He looked up to see Ms. Nakano coming toward him with a devious smile on her face. She slipped off her black cardigan and revealed a tight white button-up shirt with a cherry red bra underneath that showed through her blouse. She draped the cardigan on the couch.
"I don't have time to speak to anyone," he said shortly.
"But I've got some reports for you."
"Unless they're about Sento, I don't want them."
She blinked and curled her lips into a tight smile. "There's no issue with the Sento accounts. See for yourself."
Kurama furrowed his eyebrows.
Ms. Nakano handed him a manilla file. As he scanned the rows of numbers, she said, "I heard your wife has been forcing you to stay home with her."
"She's ill."
"I heard she's trying to keep you from doing what a man should do. Be who a man should be. Guess it's lucky an issue came up with the accounts to get you out of there."
Kurama froze. He squeezed so hard with his that he bent the files in his hands. "Did you…purposefully…add lines to the accounts?"
A smirk flitted over her mouth.
"We will fire you for that."
She moved closer. "So fire me."
He picked up the phone and dialed HR. "Hello, Suki. Ms. Nakano from accounting is fired immediately. No severance. I will be down after my meeting to draw up the paperwork. Yes, that's right." He hung up.
"A little role-play. I like that," she smiled.
Unbelievable. Kurama stood and narrowed his eyes at her. "I am perfectly serious." His tone was laced with rage. "Your behavior is beyond unacceptable."
She raised her chin in defiance. On some level, Kurama had to be impressed. Hardly anyone displayed such courage in the face of his anger.
Kurama put his hands in his pockets. "Tell me, why do you insist I am not in love with my wife? That I don't hold her in higher esteem than myself? Why do you insist she is not perfect in my eyes? That I don't see her beauty and kindness? What makes you think I would want to be seduced by a sewer rat? Why should you know my heart better than I?"
Her gaze faltered, but she redoubled her efforts. "Because—men love being seduced."
Kurama understood, and then he pitied her.
"Don't look at me like that," she spat.
"I'm sorry the person you loved most abandoned you."
Her eyes widened, and he knew he'd gotten it right. "You picked the wrong revenge," he said softly. "You should've gotten revenge on him by being happier and freer than you were with him. But instead, you chose this. I feel sorry for you."
Ms. Nakano sank into the couch, unblinking.
"You're still fired," Kurama said as he passed her. "I could take you to court over your actions, but I will not. Consider yourself supremely lucky. Once you've recovered, clear your desk. Perhaps this can be a turning point for you…if you let it."
As he closed the door, Ms. Nakano erupted into hysterical sobs.
"What happened?" his assistant asked.
"She's fired," Kurama said grimly.
"About time."
Kurama ran his fingers through his hair and re-centered himself. "I discovered why we have a discrepancy in the accounts. I will discuss it with my father and then I need to meet with HR."
"Will you go home after that?"
"Yes."
"I will make a note on your calendar."
"Thank you. Please let my father know I'm on my way to see him."
His assistant got on the phone, and he left. As he did, his thoughts turned back to Asuka. After he stepped into the elevator, he shuffled the folder and notepad he had in his hand and dug his phone out of his pocket. He texted Himari.
Kurama: Are you at our place yet? I am concerned about leaving Asuka alone for too long
Then, Kurama typed Asuka a message
Kurama: I love you
The elevator dinged, and so did his phone.
Himari: I'm confused. Asuka told me to come tomorrow at 1:00. Did she mean today?
Horror settled over Kurama. She'd…she'd… Kurama dashed down the hall to where the strategy meeting was taking place and he burst through the doors.
"I apologize, I have to go. Asuka collapsed. There is no discrepancy in the accounts. You'll also find my notes about how we can be more proactive with Sento." He slid the folder across the table and ran out of the meeting room before anyone could respond.
Kurama called Asuka's phone. When it went to voicemail, he said, "Asuka. I know you told Himari to come over tomorrow. Please pick up. I'm worried. I'm so worried. Please let me know you're okay. I love you," he choked.
He called again with no response.
And again.
Asuka!
-* ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ *-
Asuka waited about ten minutes before she let herself relax. Kurama was gone. Perhaps Fate had made it so she could be alone.
She stood there in the silent living room and closed her eyes. Her chest squeezed with all the emotion she'd been suppressing the past few days.
She knew what she needed to do.
Maybe I can have just a little more time.
She went to their living room, pulled a gigantic photo book from the shelf, and set it on their coffee table. She smiled a watery smile as she opened the white leather book to the first page.
The first picture was of their entire friend group just after the dark tournament. Everyone had genuine smiles and looked so happy.
I miss you, Genkai.
Asuka flipped to the next page, and then to the next. There were pictures of her and Keiko, Yukina, and Shizuru. She even made Kenji take a picture with her back when he was still grumpy.
The next page was at a hangout before the mansion training exercise. She and Kurama were sitting close to one another on Kuwabara's couch and smiling at each other, completely unaware that Botan snapped a photo.
That picture was Kurama's favorite. He said it was because the love they had for one another was evident on their faces, despite them not realizing love connected their hearts.
There were pictures from the school festival that were taken by different students for the yearbook and other activities. There was one of Asuka in her kimono, and one of her, Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Keiko. They also had a picture of her and Kurama dancing at the Victorian ball.
After that, was their first official picture together as a couple, followed by more of them and their friends. After that was her wedding pictures and oh, what a lovely and perfect day that was. Asuka brushed her fingers along the photo of Kurama reciting his promises of love.
There were a few more of them looking ridiculous and happy as newlyweds.
Asuka turned the page to see the last photo ever taken with Genkai. The page after that was of Shizuru, Tomiko, and Tetsuya.
There were so many other wonderful memories stored in that book. The birth of all the babies. The one time the entire gang took a beach vacation but ended up going home early because of a typhoon.
Pictures of Kenji and Akira. Pictures of him, herself, and Himari. Some photos from her trip to the US and the latest pictures from the Tahiti vacation.
I've had such a good life. The best, actually. Thank you, Kurama. Then she shut the book and put it back on the shelf. Then she stood behind the couch and moved her finger along the iPod wheel.
Liszt's music was her happy place and her comfort. He was the musician who taught her everything she knew, and he was her friend. That's why she skipped his pieces until she found what she needed.
Beethoven's Seventh Symphony, Movement Two, Allegretto, A Minor, conducted by Leonard Bernstein.
It had to be Bernstein's interpretation. Other conductors directed the Allegretto too fast and barreled through Beethoven's emotions.
But not Bernstein. He understood.
As it played, the emotions she'd been suppressing started unlocking. The quiet strings were barely above a whisper as they plucked the beginning of the melody. In the next section, the string's volume went up a notch. Then another notch.
The second movement of Beethoven's seventh symphony was one of the most superlative pieces of music ever written. Its haunted, aching beauty reached inside and plucked her emotions. She felt goosebumps as it reached further and deeper.
The strings now played two melodies at once. They built a double helix of emotion that spiraled louder and louder.
As the music blared in her ears, Asuka went to Kurama's office. She got out some stationery and an envelope and wrote him a letter. In it, she apologized for everything that had happened, for everything that was about to happen, and for everything that might happen. She told him how happy he'd made her and, most importantly, to live. She told him how much she loved him, and how she had no choice but to do the thing she was about to do.
"I had to try, Kurama. For the sake of everyone, I had to try. Don't be angry. Don't think you could've prevented this. You couldn't have. It was always going to come to this. I love you. I always will."
She put the envelope on his desk.
In the dead of night, amid her grief and self-loathing, she had an Insight vision. It was the clearest one she'd ever had, and she knew what she needed to do. Before, she didn't have the willpower or even the ability, but now…now she just might.
Asuka knew how tragic that was, but maybe a sliver of good could come out of her pain. Because in the end, every artist knows this singular truth: sometimes, the best art comes from the deepest suffering.
Asuka sat at the piano and placed her fingers on the keys. Listening to Beethoven had inspired her. She could do this and make it out alive. She had to.
Asuka began playing a slow and haunted melody. But it wasn't a melody that anyone had heard before. It was her melody. And in that melody, Asuka poured out all of her emotions. Her playing followed everything that happened. Her sadness at not being pregnant, her joy at conception. The music followed her frustrations at her powers, body, and deep grief at losing her child. Just like Beethoven, the music and her emotions spiraled upward and outward in ever complex and intense waves.
Her fingers banged on the piano keys. The minor key haunted and aching. But then, at the climax of the piece, the feeling changed. She thought about Kurama, her friends, and their children. And her love for them overwhelmed her. It was a pure, singular love that welled from her desire to protect them. She threw her head back as her hands flew up and down the piano. Bronze light and energy shot out of her in a wave of frightening power.
After it was over, she collapsed over the keys of her piano, transformed.
Author's Note:
:-O. It happened! Asuka managed to transform herself back to her holy form. What now? More chapters incoming! My editing schedule isn't sustainable long term but feels right to wrap this story up so I will keep doing my best.
Is there a better of piece of music than the second movement of Beethoven's 7th? I don't know but in any case, it's a contender. If you do listen to it, like Asuka said, make sure it's Bernstein's version. The playlist for this fic has been updated with it if you want to find it there! You can open Spotify in your browser and paste playlist/5cVDZjlukJw1QrXJZbYLHj or search "Asuka Minamino's playlist".
LadyFox15: Ahh thank you for the kind review! It means so much to hear that you love this story, and I always appreciate hearing which parts you specifically liked! I will tell you that you are definitely on track with Kurama's emotions. They will be addressed a little more fully in a future chapter.