NOTE

Content warning: vague reference to sexual assault.

4. Gathering

Molly insisted on arranging a gathering. "A little one, to celebrate. Whether or not it's a normal kind of marriage, there should be something to mark the day. You might realise a few years down the road that you want to remember it."

I knew I would remember it with or without a celebration, but decided not to argue. Molly had suffered too many losses for me to deny her this. It seemed Remus had the same train of thought, as he also agreed to her request.

My one condition was that I not be forced to wear a dress. In the end Molly finally forfeited, saying she would add "casual dress" to the invitations.

I couldn't sleep the night before, and at dawn, after a fitful few hours in bed, wrapped myself in warm robes, sneaked out of the house, and walked to the graveyard in the nearby village, where Fred was buried.

Soft yellow light painted the sky, and the autumn leaves rustled in the breeze that wove among the headstones. I found him after a few minutes of looking. I hadn't visited often, and couldn't remember the way. Memories of this place were too blurred by heartbreak. Finally I saw his name.

FRED GIDEON WEASLEY

1 APRIL 1978 - 2 MAY 1998

BELOVED SON AND BROTHER

REQUIESCAT IN PACE

My vision was already completely blurred by the time I'd read his name, and the only thing to do was to crouch and fumble my way to the cold ground, and let myself cry all of my tears. "Tell me what to do, Fred," I whispered. "Tell me what to do." Oddly, I did not hear his voice. I did, however, feel a strange kind of warmth, wrapping around my body as I sobbed and pressed my hands and face into the earth. It was a lovely sensation–I could have stayed there forever.

But it was not to be. I lay on the ground by his stone until the sun was fully risen, and in the young light George walked cautiously up to me. Tears were still flowing, though I could feel the supply nearing its end.

"I won't bite," I said bitterly, sensing his trepidation. But my bitterness only made me cry harder.

He kept his distance, standing with his arms around himself. "Mum sent me to come and bring you back," he said. His voice was very low. I had been so absorbed in my own grief that I had hardly noticed the toll that Fred's death had taken on George. It had been difficult for me to pay attention to him at all–looking at him was a shock, like seeing Fred, but anything but. A pang of guilt penetrated me, and I lifted my eyes to him, hoping he could feel how sorry I was.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Almost eleven. She wants you to take a bath and get ready before the guests arrive."

"How long?"

"Half an hour."

"Is Remus there yet?"

"No."

I nodded. I wondered if Remus had had the same idea, and was sitting at Tonks's resting place.

George stepped closer and offered me his hand. I looked at him, remembering all of the years that he had been a friend and a brother to me. I let him help me up.

Remus arrived shortly after I got out of the bath. Molly and Arthur had already set up a tent outside, warm and round, with refreshments and bubbly champagne inside. It was clear from the first that we would have to stick together for the ceremony, not wanting to attract attention by avoiding each other. Harry and Ginny were there, of course. Percy couldn't get away from work. Ron tiptoed away from Hermione at the beginning of the gathering. She was sitting by herself at the edge of the group, looking very angry. The sexism of the marriage law had sent her on many a rant in the past weeks. Particularly the requirement of having a child upset her–she had wanted to work more before settling down.

Bill and Fleur came also. Bill approached us at once, smiling at me and shaking Remus's hand. Remus seemed to be having a hard time looking him right in the eye. I recalled Bill and Fleur's wedding a year before, and how Remus had been with Tonks. Probably seeing the two of them, along with Bill's scars, was difficult for him. I wanted to say something after they walked away, but decided against it. I didn't know whether a word from me would comfort or further upset him.

Luna and Neville made an appearance, Xenophilius tagging along. Luna's father promptly approached Mr. Weasley to ask whether he'd noticed the strange blue dragonflies in the woods nearby. Neville stuttered and blushed at every second word. Luna hugged me gracefully and looked at Remus with clear eyes, saying, "Hello, Remus," before sweeping Neville away to the garden.

I couldn't help but look at the other couples with a bit of envy. They had all known each other for so long, had either grown up with each other or had the luxury of falling in love before getting married. Most of the well-wishers had begun their own conversations, and it was to my relief when Arthur stood and made a toast, saving me from Remus's terrible silence.

He stood up awkwardly in the centre of the tent, saying, "Hello. Hello," to get everyone's attention. Molly shook her head, and everyone was a little embarrassed, but they quieted down and listened to what he had to say. "Um… right. Wilma, I wanted to say, it was wonderful having you as our daughter, even for a short time. You were a joy in this house–and its previous versions–" that earned a healthy laugh "–and we all hope you know that you're always welcome to come back, even for a short stay. And so are you, Remus. Here's hoping your marriage is happy." He cleared his throat. "Well, that's what I wanted to say. So, to Wilma and Remus."

He lifted his champagne glass, and the room echoed, "To Wilma and Remus."

A minute later, I noticed Molly slip out of the tent. I had seen the expression on her face during the toast, and I excused myself to Remus with a soft murmur before following her out. I found her sitting at the table in the kitchen, her elbow on the table and her head in her hand. She was crying.

I had rarely seen Molly cry. She was a tough person, and was rarely vulnerable around her children. The sight would normally have made me nervous, but for some reason I was calm. I poured her a glass of water and sat down next to her.

"Oh," she said, when she saw me, smiling through her streaming tears. She reached out and stroked my cheek. "You beautiful girl. I hope we've made you happy here."

"Of course you have," I said. "You've loved me."

She was still crying, trying and failing to wipe the tears away. I touched her shoulder. "I love you, mum," I said.

It just slipped out. I'd never called her mum before, and thought for a second I might have crossed a line. But when she looked at me there was a great release and warmth in her face. She opened her arms, and I leaned into them. She hugged me so tenderly that I was afraid I would join in her crying. But then she patted my back briskly, and pulled away smiling.

"You go back outside," she said. "I'll get myself cleaned up."

The wind grew harsher, the sky turned dark grey, and we all moved indoors from the tent, using the sitting room as our gathering place.

I sat on a stool in the corner, listening to Ginny and Harry talking about their plans to move to Godric's Hollow, where Harry's parents had lived, once things began to run more smoothly at Hogwarts and the Ministry. Their hard work in the wake of the war had left a mark in their eyes and faces, but their marriage and newfound confidence in their partnership had restored some youth to them. I tried to listen, to let myself be glad for them.

Remus had gone into the kitchen for a spell and returned with a glass of nettle wine. I swallowed dryly. My thoughts had drifted to the consummation. The Ministry required it within a week of signing the marriage contract, to ensure that new couples got off to a quick start at trying for a child. It had already been four days, so the act was inevitable.

It wasn't that I found Remus undesirable. I'd even fancied him a little when I'd still been in school. But that seemed silly now. I feared how I would react to being so close, so intimately touched. I didn't want to lose my head and lash out or cry because of what happened in the Forbidden Forest. Besides that cruel night, I had never been with anyone but Fred, and I was sure that being in bed with Remus would be nothing like how it had been with Fred. After the battle, all I had wanted was for Fred to hold me. But now, after months of solitude, the mere idea of being touched made me shiver–and in no good way.

It was as though an impossible darkness was trying to reach me and choke me, and I was just barely keeping out of its clawed reach. I felt a terrible feverish heat winding around my neck, and was convinced that Remus could read my thoughts. But I kept myself from leaving the room, focusing on what Ginny was saying.

A knock at the door.

My ears pricked up, and so did Remus's, although the rest of the room didn't seem to have noticed the sound. Molly bustled in from the kitchen and opened the front door. Severus was standing on the stoop.

A hush fell over the room. Severus was now widely viewed as a war hero for his success as a spy throughout the years of the war. But that didn't mean that some didn't still resent him. I glanced at George, and his face was drawn in equal parts respect and disdain. The same expression was on many of my schoolmates' faces.

Harry stood up, his face accepting. "Hello Severus," he said. They must have encountered each other around the ruin of Hogwarts in the past months, for they no longer seemed to be adversaries.

Severus nodded at Harry, hiding his gratitude. "Good afternoon," he said.

The room seemed to creak, and then ease into conversation once more. Severus's dark eyes scanned the room, and fell finally on Remus and me. Molly closed the door behind him, and he crossed the room to us.

Remus stood up. "Remus," Severus said.

"Severus."

I looked nervously between them. An old tension was palpable in the air. But after a moment it lifted, and I could breathe again. Severus looked down at me. "Wilma," he said. "If you would come with me, for just a moment?"

I looked up at Remus, who had a wary look behind his eyes, but stood up anyway. "I'll be right back," I promised him, and went with Severus into the other room.

He looked very tired, and I wondered how it was going between him and Frederica.

"I wanted to bring you something," he said.

His hand disappeared into his pocket, and withdrew a small glass vial with a dark blue potion inside of it. "Oh," I whispered.

"I brewed it for myself, and I thought you could get some use out of it." He held it out to me.

I looked at him, confusion in my face, but then took it and held it up to the light. "What is it?"

"For your consummation. In case the past is too hard to bear."

At once I saw that he knew. He had made the correct conclusion from our time in close quarters in the hospital tent. But then, why had he used the potion himself? I wanted to ask more specifically what it would do, but decided against it.

"Thank you," I said, biting back tears.

He bowed his head, and turned to go.

"Why don't you stay a little while?" I asked.

He looked at me, wearing that wince of a smile. "You'll forgive me if I don't, Mrs. Lupin," he said. "Too many familiar faces." And he disappeared.

The ceremony carried on until three o'clock. Then the guests renewed their well wishes and disapparated. Harry and Ginny went upstairs, and Ron and Hermione went outside, likely so that Hermione could vent her frustrations. Arthur had to go right back to work at the Ministry. Molly gave me a tight embrace, and then Remus and I were left alone.

I kept turning over and over in my head the memory of Severus's voice.

Mrs. Lupin.

It sounded so strange, but it was true.

Remus cleared his throat, breaking my dissociation. "We can go to mine if you'd like," he said. "Or we can stay here. Wherever you'd be more comfortable."

"I'd like to leave," I said, unable to meet his eyes.

"Very well. We'll apparate."

He offered me his hand. I took a long look around, breathing in the smell of the house I had called my home for nine years. Then I reached out, and held onto him.