NOTE

Content warning: some intimacy later in the chapter.

16. Shadows

Ample rest and two bars of chocolate brought Remus back around to wellness–at least enough that it was safe for him to travel. I insisted on being the one in charge of our apparation to Andromeda's house. He was still weak and could easily make a mistake. Though reluctantly, he agreed to side-along with me.

Wards had been reinstated around the castle, so we couldn't apparate from inside the bounds. Remus was on guard since learning that Snape and I had seen another of the beings in the woods, and he held my hand tightly as we walked through the woods into Hogsmeade.

Andromeda's house was covered in perfect snow. Warm light glowed in the window. Remus looked a bit faint and I held onto him as we walked up the front steps, ignoring his protestations of "I'm fine." Andromeda invited us inside and, noticing how I was holding Remus up, quickly helped me lead him to the couch. Teddy was playing on the floor, and gave a cry of joy as he recognised his father.

"You rest too, dear," Andromeda told me, and I sank with relief into a chair.

Teddy had toddled up to Remus. His strength coming back to him, he lifted the boy up onto his knee and held him close, touching the tip of his nose. Teddy laughed, and Remus looked over at me and smiled.

We only stayed for three days, but in that time I watched Remus begin to trust himself more around his child. Whenever they were together–which was often, this time around–I found myself unable to look away. It was like watching a miracle. Teddy had come from Remus, and was an infinitely precious part of him. I had never understood how powerful a child was, but now I did. And whenever Teddy turned his innocence and joy upon me, I felt completely unsuited to receive it.

Andromeda told us that she had been taking Teddy into Tonks's old room, where there was a record player. "He loves dancing," she told us. "His hair goes bright red for any… Um… David Bowly."

"Bowie," Remus corrected archly, and I looked at him with surprise. I hadn't thought he would be familiar with muggle music, but apparently he was.

Andromeda waved her hand dismissively.

"Well?" Remus said, speaking now to Teddy. "Let's do some dancing."

I was deeply surprised at Remus for his openness to the prospect of going into Tonks's room, especially remembering how he'd avoided the stairs on our last visit. But he picked Teddy up there and then, and carried him up. A short minute later I heard music coming from upstairs. It was "Let's Dance."

Andromeda saw me looking towards the ceiling. "Go on," she said.

I climbed the stairs quietly, and stood in the doorway watching. Remus was sitting on the floor and holding Teddy's hands as the child danced around, wiggling his hips. Indeed, his hair had turned a vibrant red. I watched Remus, the encouraging smile on his face, and thought I would never be as brave as he was in that moment.

I couldn't help but think sadly about Nymphadora; all of the new music she would love, but would never hear.

We returned to Hogwarts and were immediately ushered to the hospital wing by Poppy. She hadn't approved of Remus leaving before a week had passed since the full moon. But he had been easy on himself–I had made sure of it–and she looked at me approvingly after she told him he was in fine shape.

We joined the others in completing the Hogwarts Tower. Remus was again allowed to have the office and connected bedroom that he'd had whilst teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. The reconstruction had left it completely barren, which was a good thing, because the last person to occupy it had been Dolores Umbridge. When Remus was through with it, it was sparsely furnished and spacious, allowing the light from the windows to fill the room to its fullest ability. The bed was large and warm, and we shared it at night.

On the morning after our return I noticed Snape's absence in the Great Hall. He hadn't been there the evening before, either.

"Went off somewhere," Neville said with a shrug, when I asked him. "Dunno where."

"I think I scared him away," I confessed to Remus, when he noticed it too.

"Why would that be the case?"

"I had a bit of an argument with him." I was relieved that he didn't see past my casual tone.

"He's probably spending time with his wife," he said, and dropped the subject.

Of course. That must have been why he had been so upset that day. There must have been a situation with his wife that set him on edge. I remembered him making mention that she–Frederica–had a lover in France. Perhaps he had become jealous? It didn't excuse what he'd said and done. But I felt relieved, anyhow, that it wasn't my fault.

I happened to walk into the library later that day, and found that Snape had left a stack of books for me on the desk by the window. They were the books on werewolves that he'd promised to order from the Ministry last month. I doubted he'd have left them out in the open. They must have been charmed so that only I could see them.

I was grateful that he'd followed through on his word, but was nevertheless confused by the presence of the book. I'd thought, after what he'd said about Remus and showing charity, that he still held a prejudice against werewolves. Yet here he was, providing me with books that contained updated information that wasn't cruel or unfactual. I longed for a note to accompany them, anything to give me a hint to the spirit in which Snape had left them. But there was none.

Minerva was concerned about the magical beings. It was likely they only appeared at night, and she therefore proposed that two people go into the Forbidden Forest each night to search for signs of them, alternating on a schedule. She made the announcement over breakfast, and I tensed up and lost my appetite. I noticed Remus looking at me with concern, but didn't look back.

Later, in private, he took my hand. "It happened there, didn't it," he said.

I nodded.

"During the battle?"

"Yes. But I still want to go. I still want to help."

"I'm sure you could be of just as much use–if not more–if you stayed behind. I'm sure Minerva would understand."

"No, I want to go." He looked as though he was going to object again, but I looked at him sharply. "Remus. I'll be fine."

"Would you prefer to partner with me, then?"

I was willing to admit that much. The idea of going into the forest at night scared me senseless, but at the same time I was desperate to be brave.

"Alright," Remus said. "Alright."

Our first assignment was two nights later. McGonagall and Sprout had gone on the first night, and Neville and Seamus the second, and neither pair had happened upon anything disturbing beyond what was normal for the forest at night. Remus and I had slept the day away in order to be as alert as possible. We left at midnight, when the rest of the castle was asleep–apart from Luna, who would stay vigilant in case we sent up a signal.

"Be safe," she said to us, before we walked out of the castle doors.

It was very dark and cold. We stood for a while at the edge of Hogsmeade village, facing the black wall of the forest. I could sense its depths, its looming mysteries, its danger.

"I don't see the point in testing yourself like this," Remus said.

I turned to him. "Please."

Chastened by my tone, he didn't say anything to deter me again. But without any resistance from him, I suddenly thought that perhaps he had been right. I didn't want to be so frightened that I couldn't think straight, and wind up serving only as a distraction to him, leaving us vulnerable.

But I steeled myself, and together we ventured forward into the trees.

The forest was deathly dark, and so grey and cold that it seemed the air was made of cobwebs. The soil was dense with magic, and there were distant sounds and pulses of energy that echoed through my organs as we walked ever deeper. Sensing my nervousness, Remus offered me his hand. I took it.

We both had our wands drawn, though we didn't use light. We needed to be able to see if something appeared faintly in the distance. Every once in a while we sent up blue sparks to let Luna know we were safe.

We were in the forest for hours and hours, until the hint of faint winter light began to spread among the tree branches. Then Remus took my hand and we apparated back to the edge of the village. The sheer relief of it was overwhelming to me, and I stood there, bent over and trembling from adrenaline. Remus was right in assuming I didn't want to be touched, and kept his distance.

Thank Merlin I married you, I thought to myself, remembering Snape's physical intimidation in the corridor the other day.

We walked back to the castle, completely exhausted, and walked up to Remus's rooms. He still didn't touch me, giving me my own side of the bed. "Well done," came his voice from the semi-darkness.

"You, too," I said. And then we went down into a well deserved and dreamless sleep.

We went in twice more, but nobody had found any signs of the creatures after more than a week. Obviously they could have found us if they'd wanted too, seeing as we'd all been sending up blue sparks throughout the night. McGonagall, seeing the exhaustion that the missions had caused us and herself, decided to call them off. The creatures would not reveal themselves until they wished to do so.

We were taking a walk around the seventh floor one morning when suddenly the slow, deep sound of stone came from the wall beside us, and the Room of Requirement appeared. We hadn't been sure that it had survived, as it hadn't appeared to anyone since the battle. Remus gestured to me, and I opened the door and looked inside.

The room was stacked full of all of the portraits which had once hung in the grand staircase, which I now recalled Umbridge removing in my sixth year. They were covered in dust, leaned up face to face, and I gasped to imagine them spending so much time in darkness. Remus looked in at the view over my shoulder. "Bloody hell," he said.

"Hello?" I called into the room.

There was a pregnant pause.

"Thank God!" said one voice, somewhere in the depths of the room.

And soon all of the portraits were speaking and shouting over each other.

Seeing as the grand staircase, in all of its intricacies and random movements, had been restored, Remus and I figured it was time to bring the portraits out of the darkness. We spent the rest of the morning moving the portraits from the Room of Requirement into the corridor, and after lunch took them all to the grand staircase and began to hang them magically one by one.

Most of them had smiles for us, and tears of gratitude, but some were quite rude. "Took you bloody long enough!" Some insisted on being hung in a specific place where they always had been, or on being situated on a different part of the wall, ready for a new view.

It wasn't until late in the evening that the task was through. I was worn out from the strain of the magic and of so many different voices, and from being startled one too many times by the moving staircases. I called down to Remus from above, when my last portrait was hung. "That's me done!"

"Me, too," he called. I walked down the stairs and found him, and leaned into his open arms. We looked up at the portraits, who were all sighing and resting gratefully. The staircase was at last restored to its former glory. I found myself smiling at the sight.

I sensed Remus looking at me. There was that increasingly familiar look in his eyes. "I haven't told you, Wilma," he said, "but you are very beautiful."

What is happening to me? I thought to myself. I was altogether too awake, too aware. Before the Marriage Law, I had lain for months in bed with my eyes and my heart closed to the world. The law should have been a horrible thing–and for some others, I knew, it was. But here I was, blushing to the tips of my ears.

Remus leaned in very carefully, and I lifted my face, accepting his kiss.

"Oh, sod off," grumbled the nearest portrait.

We sat in his room, fully clothed, hearts racing. I was shyly draped over his lap, stocking feet dangling above the floor. My breath wavered like a candle flame; being so close might never get any easier, but Remus made me feel safe. He touched my lips with his fingertips, pushing past his grief to see me fully. Slowly his fingers caressed my jaw and my collarbones, and his lips softly pressed against my neck. My heartbeat seemed to travel wherever his touch went. Watching my eyes, he unbuttoned my shirt and kissed down the centre of my chest as he went. I looked over his head at the snow falling past the window, arousal pooling in my breasts and between my legs as I stroked his hair.

There was no logical reason for it, but his body was suddenly all too much. I was filled with the sensations of the forest and went rigid. What had been pleasure turned to fear.

"Stop…" I finally managed a minute later, as he was kissing me and gently fondling my breasts. There was nothing wrong with his touch, it was just too overwhelming.

I pressed my hand to his chest and he pulled away at once, his hand only lingering on my back so I wouldn't fall.

"I'm sorry–" he said.

I shook my head. "It's alright. I just need a moment–"

And I slipped out of his hands and escaped to the toilet. I looked at myself in the mirror. Why was this happening now? I'd been able to let go back in No. 12, to trust myself completely to his hands. Why now did I feel so tense, so dirty? It must have been the nearness of the forest, or simply the fact that, now, he knew.

He was leaning against his desk when I came out again, and I sat down shakily on the bed, unable to look at him. "It was nothing you did," I assured him.

"If it ever is, I want you to tell me."

I nodded, and huffed in frustration as I felt the same lump in my throat again. I pressed my hand to my head and he gently approached me, sitting with me on the bed. "I just feel so weak."

"You are not weak, Wilma. You are anything but weak."

I had a letter from Molly at breakfast the next day. The owl swooped in from the high window, carrying snowflakes with it into the magically preserved warmth of the Great Hall. I tore open the envelope and unfolded the letter.

Wilma dear,

We are having family Christmas starting in two days. Everyone will be here, and I must insist that you come. Andromeda is bringing Teddy, and if Remus would like to, he is welcome.

With love and EXPECTANCE,

Molly

I couldn't help but smile, imagining the fierceness in her warm eyes.

"What is it?" Remus asked.

"Molly. She wants us to come for Christmas. She says Andromeda and Teddy are coming too."

I saw it click in his eyes that we were coming to the end of December already. So much time had gotten away from us both, what with the constant focus that the restoration required. It would be good to have some time at the Burrow, to rest. I wrote Molly back telling her that we would both be there, the day after next.