Epilogue 3: Clearing Hurdles

Part 1 (Emi)

I'm at the track a little late after track club. I'm watching Aoki and seeing if I need to give him any pointers. Now that he's been using running blades for over a year, he has become exactly the athlete I was hoping he would when I took him under my wing. His 600- and 800-meter times are already almost good enough to qualify for the Paralympics and he's only 17. Another year and I think he will qualify easily. He might even win a medal. Sometimes it is hard to contain my excitement when I watch him.

I'm currently watching him practice his sprints and he looks really good. He has gotten better at getting upright more quickly, and his improved balance on his blades has made him even faster.

However, I just saw him do something that has me very concerned.

"Hey, Aoki! Looking good! Why don't you take a break for a moment and come over here."

He comes and sits down next to me on the bleachers.

"You're looking better and better out there. But what happened at the end of that last sprint? It looked like you stumbled a little and I think I heard you grunt."

He looks away from me. "Oh..I-I just think I lost my balance for a moment. Don't worry about it."

I look at him sternly. "I might believe that if I didn't run on blades myself. And if I hadn't used almost that exact same excuse before."

He gets more defensive. "Really, it's nothing. I think I'm going to get going. That's enough for today, right?"

I grab his arm as he tries to get up. This would have very little real effect at stopping him, because he is so much bigger than me. But it surprises him, and it makes him stop.

"I'm really sorry about this. But you're going to need to take off your blades and show me your legs. Right now."

He looks at me at first with seething anger, and for a moment I think he is going to yank his arm away and run off or curse me out.

But then he sighs and looks like he is about to start crying. Yep, that is probably enough to confirm my suspicions. I know what he is feeling all too well.

"Hey, it's okay. I've been in your situation before. Just show me, okay? And then we can figure out what we need to do."

Without saying a word, he takes off his blades, as a few tears run down his face. As I suspected, he has been overdoing it and not taking care of his legs. It is even worse than I imagined. He has a few cuts on each of his legs, and he has clearly been running on them for a while. One of them may even have the early stages of a staph infection.

I put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, "I did this too when I was your age. Older, even. It's hard not wanting to practice all the time when you love running and want to get even better. I get it."

He can barely look at me when he says, "I have to stop running, don't I."

"For a little bit."

God, I don't want to tell him this next part. I wish he only had to stop running. I remember the first time I heard this, and it crushed me.

"We have to get these cuts to heal. We will need to get you some antibiotics from the head nurse to help with that. Um…you also won't be able to wear any prosthetics at all for the next couple of weeks. I'm really really sorry."

He looks absolutely devastated.

"I…won't even be able to walk?"

"No. Not until they heal. You'll…have to use a wheelchair. I'm sorry."

As soon as I say the word 'wheelchair', he loses what little composure he had left and starts crying openly. Unsurprisingly, he is absolutely devastated. I do my best to comfort him by putting a hand on his shoulder, even trying to put my arm around him. But he recoils from contact. He looks just as angry as he does sad.

"Like I said…this has happened to me. I know how hard it is. I wish there was some way around it. I know it doesn't help to hear it right now, but it's only temporary. When you look back on this it will just be a minor speed bump."

He doesn't say a word and won't even look at me.

"I'm going to go get you a wheelchair, okay? Then I'll take you to the head nurse. She should still be here, and we can figure it out from there, okay?"

He nods but doesn't say a word.

I half expect him to be gone when I come back, but he's still there looking absolutely crushed. I help him into the wheelchair and take him to the nurse. He still doesn't say a word to me. I consider asking him if he wants me to stay with him for the meeting with the nurse. If I did that I could help him get to his dorm. But his silence and the look on his face seems to indicate that he doesn't want me around him. I can't say I blame him. I just gave him horrible news.

"Okay Aoki, the nurse will be with you in a minute. I'll see you later, okay?"

This time he doesn't even nod.

—-

I'm at home now, where I found a nice dinner and my nice boyfriend waiting for me. He can see from the moment I walk in the door that something is wrong.

He comes up and kisses me, and then gives me a big hug. It doesn't help as much as it usually does.

"Have a bad day?"

"Yeah. Can we eat first? I'm starving and I could probably use the time to think."

"Sure. Why don't you sit down, and I'll bring you your plate?"

I nod and do as he says. I normally love Hisao's cooking, but right now I can barely taste it. I can't get Aoki's face out of my head. Eventually, I finish eating and I abruptly start talking.

"Aoki is going to be in a wheelchair." My voice sounds even more dejected than I expected.

"What?" Hisao is understandably confused by this coming out of nowhere.

"He…did what I used to do, overdid it so much that he can't even wear his regular prosthetics for a little while."

"Oh, that's going to be hard for him. At least he has you to help, since you've been there before."

Suddenly, I start crying. I don't even know why at first, not exactly. I mean I have empathy for the kid, but there's something else going on to make me this upset. Hisao gets up and kneels next to me and puts his hand on my back. After crying for about a minute, I realize why I feel so bad. It isn't just empathy. I really messed up.

"I-it's m-my f-fault."

I start bawling so hard that Hisao knows there is no point in trying to talk to me. He just puts his arms around me and rocks me until it passes.

Eventually I am capable of speech again, but my voice is strained from all the crying.

"I…shouldn't have pushed him so hard. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't. He…wouldn't have to be in a wheelchair."

Hisao squeezes me tighter in his hug. "I don't think you should blame yourself, Emi. It is unfortunate that it happened, but you warned him about this before didn't you?"

Hisao is trying to help, but for some reason he's pissing me off more than anything.

"...yeah."

"What more can you do? He's headstrong like you and he wanted to practice as much as possible. It isn't like you told him to overdo it."

"But I am his mentor and coach. I should have been doing a better job of checking up on him. Certainly before it got this bad. I shouldn't have only noticed now."

"But-"

"STOP IT! There isn't anything you can say to make this better. You aren't going to somehow convince me I didn't mess up here. You aren't going to snuggle this problem away either."

He lets go of me and stands up. He looks more than a little hurt. I'm too upset and angry to care right now.

"I screwed up. A student is suffering because of it. I know exactly how awful he feels, and the fact that my own mistakes led a student to this place is unforgivable. I need to do better. That's all there is to it. Nothing you can do or say is going to change that. SO. JUST. STOP. IT!"

Hisao recoils slightly when I raise my voice and he briefly looks even more hurt than he did before. But then, his face shifts to one of concern, and he looks on in silence.

After the moment has passed, I feel really bad for what I said and how I said it. I look up at him apologetically and reach for his hand.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have blown up like that…I shouldn't take this out on you. Normally you help me a lot when you do those things, okay? I love that you want to help me so much. But sometimes you just can't."

"You're right. I can't. What are you going to do in the future to do better?"

I can't believe he's staying in the room with me after what I just said to him, much less still trying to help me. He knows he can't help in any direct way to solve the current problem. But he also knows getting me to think about this willmake me feel a little better. I may not be able to do anything to fix the mistake I already made, but I can make sure it doesn't happen again.

"The biggest mistake I made is not making him see the nurse every day. I…kind of didn't want to be that kind of coach. He seemed way more responsible than I was, so I thought he could handle it on his own after I told him to be careful. I hated having to go to the nurse every day and I didn't want him to have to deal with it," I sigh and put my hand on my forehead. "But that was really stupid of me. Seeing the nurse every day was the only reason I didn't end up in a wheelchair more than I did. So…that's the big place where I messed up."

Aoki's face flashes in my head again, I feel more tears coming but I push them down.

"He looked so devastated, Hisao. I don't think I will ever forget his face. And I think the fact that I know how horrible he feels from my own experience makes it so much worse." I sigh "But, at least I've identified where I messed up, and I won't do it again."

Hisao nods, "That's good. Can you think of any way we might be able to help him cope while he's in a wheelchair?"

I think for a moment and then sigh. "Not really. It is just going to suck. Nothing ever made it better for me."

He nods thoughtfully. "Well, I'll do my best. You didn't have any other strong interests back then, luckily he does. Maybe I can distract him with science stuff."

I'm feeling well enough now to bring up our silly competition over Aoki, so that's something.

I stand up from the table and hug Hisao and look up at him with a smirk. "Trying to use this to gain an advantage in our little competition for his future?"

He rolls his eyes. "The kid loves science and running. He can't run for a bit. Seems like a good idea to use one to distract from the other."

"Fine, fine. I'll be watching you, though."

He laughs, "Watching me for what?"

"I dunno. Any nefarious activities. Making sure you don't cheat. Plus, I like watching this cute butt of yours." I give it a squeeze to punctuate my sentence.

He laughs and puts his hands on my butt too. "Okay, I guess you can watch me then. But only if it's okay if I watch your butt all the time too."

"Don't you already?"

He smiles at me.

"Is it that obvious? And anyway, why wouldn't I? It's fantastic"

I release his butt and put my arms around his neck to pull him down for a kiss.

"Thanks, Hisao."

"For what, watching your butt all the time?"

I giggle. "Well, yes. I do love how you look at me. But I'm mainly thanking you for talking through this with me after I was a complete bitch to you. I know I already said it, but it was so bad that I think I have to say it again. I'm really sorry for yelling at you like that. To say it was uncalled for is an understatement." I squeeze him tight. "You're my anchor. My pillar of support. You're always here for me and I should never treat you that way for trying to help."

His face gets serious for a moment. "It's fine, Emi…You were really upset and I was trying way too hard to fix it myself instead of just listening. I should have just let you talk about how you were feeling."

Then he smiles and squeezes my butt, "Plus, since you have a butt like this, I can put up with a lot."

—-

Part 2 (Hisao)

Aoki didn't come to class today. He has literally never missed class, so it comes as quite a shock, even given what Emi told me about yesterday.

He must really not be doing well. I can't say I blame him. It reminds me of when Saki got hurt and ended up in a wheelchair for a while. It also reminds me of when she had to start using a wheelchair every day. Both of those were very hard times for her. Emi has talked about how hard being in a wheelchair was for her too. So, given my experience, maybe I should have expected this.

I consider tracking down his dorm room but feel like that may be crossing a line. Instead, I'm going to see if his girlfriend will take him the work from today. At least then someone is checking on him.

The bell just rang, so I have to do this fast.

"Shimizu, would you mind staying behind for a moment?"

She nods and stands near her desk.

She is tall for a girl, almost as tall as me. She has red hair and brown eyes. She has hip dysplasia and uses a cane to walk. Sometimes, she reminds me just a little bit of Saki at the same age.

"Would you mind taking today's worksheet to Aoki and letting him know what we covered today?"

I hand her the worksheet, but she looks uneasy.

"Everything okay?"

"I…haven't heard from him since yesterday afternoon."

"Oh, is that unusual?"

"Yes, we usually text pretty much all day. And then he wasn't in class today…I don't know what's going on, but I'm worried."

I'm wondering whether I should tell her what happened, but I think it is best if I don't. It is his choice after all.

"Well maybe he isn't feeling well then. Why don't you go check on him?"

"Okay. That's a good idea. I just hope he isn't mad at me or something."

"I'm sure it's not that. Tell him I said hello if you do see him."

She nods and walks out of the classroom with a little hope in her eyes.

I'm really at a loss with what I should do here. If he decides to not even allow his girlfriend to help him, this could be really bad. I will likely need the help of the medical staff, including the counselor. Hopefully he comes to class tomorrow.

—-

I'm in the classroom a few minutes early today, partly because I'm anxious about the Aoki situation. Emi is also very worried about him, which has had the effect of amplifying my own concern. Luckily a minute or so before class begins, he and Shimizu both appear.

He looks miserable and they both look like they haven't slept much. Something tells me it took a lot of convincing for her to get him here.

He isn't his usual self in class. He isn't taking notes, he isn't asking questions, and he has no interest in answering them either. I suppose this to be expected, but it is still kind of hard to see.

Before he and Shimizu depart for lunch, I intercept them.

"I'm glad you felt well enough to make it to class today, Aoki."

He barely acknowledges I said anything. His eyes tell me he wants me to get out of his way, so I do and he leaves. But Shimizu stays behind, and now that we're alone she looks very angry.

"Why didn't you tell me what had happened!? His coach is your fiancée or whatever, right!?"

Well, not technically, but this probably isn't the time to correct her.

"Yes, she is. I did know what happened, but I wasn't sure I should tell you. I wanted to respect his privacy. I thought it would be better for you to hear it from him."

"I guess that makes sense." She looks down at her feet and sighs.

"He really isn't doing well. I've never seen him like this in the six months we've been dating. When I went to his room yesterday, he wouldn't let me in at first. It took me 20 minutes to convince him to let me in, and then I spent the whole night trying to help him feel better about everything. Eventually, I convinced him to get out of his room and come to class."

Her eyes get wide when she realizes what she just said to me. I can't help but laugh, since I broke the same rule all the time when I went to school here, and for much less wholesome reasons than helping someone who was having a crisis. She looks up at me quizzically in response to my laugh.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to report you for violating curfew. You did a good job getting him to come. Do you think you can convince him to come to science club today, too? I think it will help."

"I'll try. But I can't make any promises. I'm not even sure he'll go to the rest of today's classes." She sighs. "I also have newspaper club, so I won't be able to escort him."

I nod, "Well, do your best. That's all I can ask. You should probably catch up with him."

She nods and walks towards the door. Before leaving she turns around.

"Thanks for trying to help him. I don't think I can do it all on my own."

I smile at her, "You are doing a good job and probably making a bigger difference than I can. But yes, I hope I can help a little bit."

Her face takes on some new resolve and her voice becomes confident, "I'll make sure he's at science club tonight."

—-

During lunch, I update Emi on the situation. She isn't thrilled with the news.

"You're lucky he has a girlfriend, I'm not sure anyone else could have gotten him out of there if he's really taking it this hard. Do you really think your little plan will help him?"

"I don't know for sure, but I think so. I don't think I'm magically going to make him stop being depressed about this, but if I can even distract him from his situation for even a little bit, it'll be worth it. There's no track club today right? Do you want to come to science club instead? Maybe talking to you would help him."

She laughs, "And hang out with you nerds? I'll pass."

I chuckle, "I know that's not the real reason you don't want to come. After all, I happen to know you like nerds." Then I whisper, "I have even heard you're sleeping with one."

She halfheartedly laughs and then sighs. The fact that she didn't have her usual Emi laugh is more than a little concerning. She's really taking this hard.

"Based on last time I saw him, I think I need to give him some space for now. I just…I don't know what I would even say to him. He may even blame me to some extent, I don't know. He wouldn't be entirely wrong to. I do need to apologize to him at some point, but right now I don't think he wants to hear it."

She still feels very guilty about everything. She probably did make a mistake not monitoring him more closely. She got caught up in how great of an athlete he is. But we all make mistakes, and she's going to do better in the future.

I nod, "That makes sense. Well, I'll try my best this afternoon."

She laughs. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope you can use science to distract him from running for a while."

—-

It's almost time for science club, and while I'm glad there are several students here today, Aoki isn't one of them. I sort of planned this next activity with him in mind, but it will be good for other students too.

Just as I'm about to kick things off for the day, Aoki rolls in. He sits in the back with his arms crossed and doesn't look like he wants to be here. Even so, Shimizu must be a miracle worker.

"Okay everyone, we're going to be doing something a little bit different these next few weeks. We've covered a lot of scientific principles both in class and during science club, and I thought it might be fun if we have a competition to see who has the best understanding of the things we've learned. Some of it is going to be trivia, but other parts will involve more hands-on activities where you show your understanding of something. Think of it as a science decathlon. We will have a different event for each of our meetings, and each of you will gain points based on how you do. In the end, whomever has the most points wins."

I can already see that Aoki perked up a little. He has at least uncrossed his arms. If I'm being honest, I had hoped for something a little more. I thought this would be a good idea because it allows him a competitive outlet other than running, and he's good enough at this stuff that it will make him feel good about himself. Emi thought it seemed like it was worth a shot, but she didn't have the highest of hopes.

Now's the moment of truth, I guess.

"Alright, so today, we're going to do some trivia. There are 8 of you here, so I will have you come up in pairs and I will ask 4 questions. Whenever raises their hand first gets to answer the question first. If the first answer is wrong, the second student has a chance to answer. Each correct answer will earn you one point."

I call Aoki and another student to the front first. When I do, I do see a little bit of fire in Aoki's eyes. It isn't just anger like I have seen; he looks excited about something. This might work.

In the end, Aoki gets three points and is tied for the lead. I even saw him smile a few times. Overall, this exercise seems to be a success, and everyone is having fun.

"Alright, well done everybody. When we meet again in two days, we are going to do something a little bit different. It's a secret, but I'll tell you this: it will involve making something."

Once science club is over for the day, I see that Aoki has stayed behind.

"I'm glad you made it today, Aoki. Something you wanted to talk about?"

He considers whether to ask his question, but he does in the end.

"Did you…do this for me?"

Damn, he's even smarter than I give him credit for. But I guess Shimizu probably told him how much I wanted him to come today.

"Sort of. It is something I have wanted to try for a while, and I figured you could use some competition to focus on right now."

"...thank you. Thanks for sending my girlfriend to check on me too. I think I would still be in my room otherwise. You and Ibarazaki are really caring teachers and I appreciate you both going the extra mile. So, thank you. Tell her for me."

"I will. We know this is a hard time for you, and we just want to help. I'm glad we can help a little."

He nods and leaves. Well, I think I would call this a success.

Part 3 (Emi)

Hisao is on his way to our house from science club. I'm making dinner. Or trying to. I am distracted. I hope Hisao's little game helped Aoki some.

…

When Hisao comes through the door he has a smile on his face, and that is a big relief.

I can't help but broach the subject right away. "I take it he came? And it helped him some?"

Hisao nods. "Yep. It distracted him for a bit at least, and he thanked us. Both of us. He figured out that he was at least part of the reason for the competition."

I feel relieved, but also confused.

"I get him thanking you, but why did he thank me?"

"He said we were caring, and he appreciated it."

"Oh, well that's nice. That does make me feel better about talking to him."

Hisao comes over and kisses me before hugging me to his chest.

"I think he'll be okay now. He still has some hard days ahead I am sure, but I think the worst is over. So don't worry too much, okay?"

"I'll try." I smiled at him. "Well good job Mr. Science, now he probably won't even come back to track."

He laughs, "Yes, this was my plan all along. Get him injured and seduce him away from running."

I giggle "What are you having them do next, anyway?"

"A paper airplane competition. They have to use their knowledge of the dynamics of flight to build airplanes that will go the longest distance. I think maybe you should come. Just to talk to him. I think it will help you both." He laughs, "You can make a paper airplane too, if you want."

"I will have to be at track club, but I can come by and try to talk to him before I go."

He nods and we sit down to dinner. We play some chess afterwards. I still haven't beaten the bastard, but I can tell I am at least starting to challenge him in some games.

–

I'm with Hisao in his classroom before science club. I plan to talk to Aoki today. Seeing how he is doing with my own eyes will be nice. It's kind of funny, but being with Hisao in his classroom feels sort of strange. It isn't something we do very often. All the students know we are together at this point, but still. Seeing them looking at us with smiles on their face and whispering to each other is a little unnerving. But maybe I'm paranoid.

When he arrives in class he sees me, and I gesture that we should talk in the hallway.

I sit down on a bench, and he positions himself in front of me.

"I'm glad to hear and see that you're doing better with this. I know it's hard. I'm…really sorry that this all happened to you. You should never have ended up here. It's my fault."

He looks more than a little surprised.

"How is it your fault? You warned me against running too much. You told me to be careful with keeping things clean, especially when I had a cut. I didn't listen. I knew what I was doing wasn't what I should be doing, and I did it anyway. I did everything I could to hide it from you. That made it pretty hard for you to notice."

"Well, that's true but I should have been keeping an eye on you. It's my job. I only noticed once it had gotten bad. I should have made you check with the nurse regularly."

"Well, okay. But I don't blame you. I screwed up. That's why I'm in this situation."

"Well, let's just say we both made mistakes, but from now on we're both going to do better so you don't have to go through this again, okay?"

He nods, looking determined.

"Yes. Thank you for everything, teacher. Learning to run with you has been amazing. It has really changed my life for the better. That's why losing it has been so hard. But I'm looking forward to being able to get back out there."

I smile at him, "You should be very soon. In the meantime, good luck in this science competition. I have to admit it sounds kinda fun."

He smiles, "It is. Though not quite as much fun as running."

Take that, Hisao!

"Have a good time at track club. Tell them I will be back soon."

"Okay, I will. Talk to you later, Aoki."

I exhale as I walk to the track. He really is going to be okay. He's doing so much better. I don't know how much of it is Hisao's doing, but I know at least some of it is.

—-

Later that night, as Hisao and I are snuggling on the couch and mindlessly watching something, I think back to everything that has happened with Aoki and how well Hisao handled the whole thing. It makes me realize there is something serious I want to talk to Hisao about. I'm a little worried about bringing it up because he may not be ready to talk about it, but by now I know I'm not going to scare him away with this sort of thing. I turn around so I can look at him.

"I'm glad Aoki's doing so much better. I hope it isn't weird for me to say this, but it made me really think about how good of a father you would be. You really worked hard to find a way to help him. And you're good with all of your students, really."

He smiles back at me and puts his arms around me. "I hadn't thought about it like that. Now that you mention it, I think it shows you'd make a good mom, too. You really care about him, and all of your students. It's something I have always liked about you. Even before we started dating, I loved watching you with your students."

That response probably means I don't need to worry too much about my question.

"Can we…talk about that? Being parents? I know we aren't officially engaged, but we own a house together and you promised we would get married one day. So, I think it makes sense for us to talk about that."

He nods. "Sure. I guess it has been a while since the last time we discussed it at all."

"It has been. Last time was like six weeks into our relationship. So, as we discussed back then, we want to adopt, right?"

He nods, "That is the only option for us after all."

"Right. Do you know how many kids you want?"

"At least one. Probably not more than two. You?"

"I think just one. After all, we are both only children and we turned out okay."

He laughs, "That's true. Since we'll be adopting, there will be some other things we have to consider that most people don't have to think about. Like whether we would only adopt an infant, or if an older child would be okay.

"I think maybe I would prefer a baby, since we would play a bigger role in raising that child from the beginning. But if there's an older kid and it feels right, I would be okay with that too."

Suddenly, an idea pops into my head. I had never even thought about this before, but now that I have, it feels right.

"How would you feel about adopting a kid with a disability?"

He raises his eyebrows. "…I hadn't really considered that."

"I hadn't either until just now. I just think…a child like that will have a hard time getting adopted. You and I are disabled. We know that life. We work with disabled kids for a living. I'm not sure there are better adoptive parents out there for a kid who is struggling with that.."

He smiles at me and puts his hand on my cheek before kissing me.

"That's a really good idea. When it's time, we should try to do that."

I put my arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss.

"Okay. I'm glad you like the idea. I'm excited to raise a kid with you someday."

He smiles and strokes my hair, "There's no one else I would want to do it with."