CHAPTER 11

DAY 14

Sunday

AN: Monday's reviews were awesome. Thank you all so much. Hearing your kind words and thoughts is making it worth all the time I spent writing this story. Looks like we'll be continuing with daily posting.

I slept in on Sunday morning. When I finally got up, I dressed and went to the kitchen to find Finn already gone. I ate the breakfast burrito he'd left me in the microwave and packed my lunch for a hike. I was anxious to check the mud pit to see if Billy and Judy had gotten stuck again, but I had to wait until Finn returned with supplies. I went to the bookcase and scanned the books until I came across How To Lie And Get Away With It. I wasn't proud of it, but I considered myself a good liar. Fine! I was proud of it. But I could always learn more, especially since I'd fallen for Morelli's lies. I rolled my eyes at my foolishness. He'd been leading a double life for who knew how long? I'd never be able to forgive him. Even worse, I couldn't forgive myself for being played. Disgusted with my train of thought, I grabbed the book off the shelf and went to the front porch to wait for Finn.

Around eleven, I heard crunching gravel, and Maggie's ears perked up. I put my book down and went to help carry the groceries inside. After we put everything away, I told Finn I was going to check on the deer. I put my lunch and some extra fruit for Billy and Judy into my backpack and took off while Finn went to the garage to do whatever he did.

I was bummed that I didn't run into the deer, but on the positive side, I didn't find them stuck in the mud, either. Unless they were completely buried. That got dark real quick. I shook the fearful thoughts away. Maybe they were taking a nap. They're smart. They wouldn't fall for the mud thing again. Right?

I sat on my favorite boulder to eat lunch and read more about liars. Finn's books were insightful but also depressing. It seemed that no one was honest these days—even Ranger. All this introspection made me examine his past comments. After we slept together the first time, he made a pretty statement about there being no price between us—not financial or emotional. Because my emotions were clouded with lust and maybe something more, I decided he meant he would do anything for me, no matter the cost. Who wouldn't want someone to care that much about them? Since then, he's gone above and beyond to keep me safe.

I realize now his words held another meaning. He was trying to convey that we just shared sex with no strings. No commitment. He wanted me to accept whatever crumbs he could spare and not hold him accountable for what he couldn't or wouldn't give me. He wrote the rule book, and I decoded it the best I could.

After I asked for clarification about what was happening between us, Ranger told me to fix my relationship with Morelli. At the time, I wouldn't have accepted a commitment even if Ranger had offered it. I barely knew him. Nothing could have kept me from going back to Morelli. Morelli owned so much of my heart—then. This is where having the rule book would have helped a whole hell of a lot. Because I didn't have it, I attributed emotions to both men that they never had. Stupid, gullible, Stephanie. There was no room in Morelli's heart for me because Terry had claimed it early on and wasn't letting go. They had a love nest! With our damn dog! The longer I thought about it, the angrier I became. I shook my head to dislodge the painful memories and reminded myself that I was living in the present now.

Maybe hiking wasn't for me. It caused me to be too introspective. I've always maintained that deep thinking should be avoided at all costs. I stashed my empty bowl of beef stew in my backpack and walked past the creek one last time to make sure the deer weren't stuck. I sighed with relief to find it clear. The deer were fine before I got here and would be fine after I left.

When I came out of the woods into the backyard, I realized I'd forgotten to leave the fruit for the deer. I put the food down by the big oak tree and went to find Finn. It was time to kayak.

He stepped out of the garage, wiping his greasy hands on a rag. "Are you ready to go kayaking?" he asked.

"Yeah. Let me put my things away, and I'll be right back."

Finn fished while I leisurely paddled around the lake with Maggie. After a while, my arms got tired, so I pointed the kayak toward the dock. When he caught up with me, he had two nice-sized fish in his bucket, but not as big as the ones I'd caught last weekend. The best part was that he had to clean them since he caught them.

We ate dinner on the deck again, but there was no conversation this time. Finn disappeared to the garage as soon as he was done. One step forward and one step back. I didn't take his silence personally. I was getting used to my own company and starting to get excited about my future—whatever it may be.

DAY 17

Wednesday

Pain.

Unbearable pain.

It was inside, outside, and all around me. I felt like someone had peeled my skin away and left me raw. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out. I was in my bathroom at home, surrounded by thick fog, but still able to see the mirror in front of me. I stared into the center, where it was less cloudy. My eyes were red and puffy, and tears streaked down my face. I looked utterly desolate. I wanted to die.

"Whhhy?" I screamed loud and long. I'd lost everything important to me. I wanted the darkness to take me away. I pressed my hand against my heart to keep it from hurting so much, but it didn't help. I was drowning in guilt and loss. When I took my hand away, there was a gaping wound that hadn't been there before. My lifeblood seeped out of my chest, and I felt the pain recede. It was over.

The scene changed, and I was now speeding down the road. Someone was after me. Hunting me. I rubbed my tired eyes. I wanted to stop running and go home, but that couldn't happen.

The scene changed again. I was walking on a sidewalk. I was hunched over with my jacket pulled tight around me and my hat down over my eyes. Every few seconds, I'd check my surroundings. I was on the run, but I didn't know from who or what. A banging sound made me look behind me. I stumbled over uneven concrete and was falling.

I woke with a start, disoriented and breathing heavily, my stomach churning with dread. I jerked my head toward the sound of banging. "Stephanie, are you okay?"

It took me a few seconds to realize I was at Finn's cabin in the mountains, and he was pounding on my bedroom door. Relief swept over me, knowing I was safe. I struggled to free myself from the twisted blanket and finally got to my feet on trembling legs. My nightshirt was sticking to my sweaty skin, and my heart was racing. The nightmare was fading, but the parts I remembered scared the hell out of me.

I opened the door to find a worried Finn and Maggie. "Are you okay? I heard screaming."

"Um…." I cleared my throat. "Yeah. I'm okay. Must have been a bad dream."

His eyes narrowed, assessing if I was telling the truth. Maggie rubbed against my thigh and whined. I stroked her head and hid my face. I was embarrassed that I woke Finn in the middle of the night.

He lightly touched my shoulder. "From how you were screaming, it sounded more like a terrible nightmare. Are you sure you're okay?"

I stepped back so his hand would fall away. I didn't want to be touched. I stared at his t-shirt-covered chest and plaid sleep pants. Thankfully, he was fully clothed instead of in boxers or naked.

"I can leave Maggie with you if you want?"

"Okay. Thanks."

"Try to get some sleep." He went back into his bedroom and closed the door.

Four o'clock in the morning was too early to be awake, but there was no way I'd get back to sleep. I went into the living area and pulled my feet underneath me on the couch. Maggie jumped up next to me and put her head in my lap. My brain kept cycling through the nightmare. It felt like a harbinger of something terrible to come. The flashing scenes told a horrific story, and I felt every agonizing emotion. I shivered even though embers were burning in the fireplace and the cabin was warm.

Something terrible had caused me to run away, and someone was chasing me, or I was being hunted. I had felt vulnerable and lonely. Where was Ranger? It felt like he'd turned against me, but that didn't make sense. Ranger would never desert me. I couldn't imagine a world where Ranger wasn't my hero… my friend.

Maggie whined, and I looked into her adoring face. I could easily make her happy with a simple treat, so I went to the kitchen and pulled her doggie tin out of the cabinet. She gobbled the treat, so I gave her another. While I was at it, I poured myself a glass of milk and noticed the maple syrup had leaked and was stuck to the shelf. I pried the bottle off and wiped it with a wet cloth. I couldn't put it back without cleaning the shelf, so I started taking items out of the fridge and ended up cleaning the whole thing.

I was putting the last jar of pickles back into the fridge when I heard Finn approaching from behind. "What are you doing?" His voice was soft, so I didn't get startled.

"I thought a glass of milk would make me sleepy, but the syrup bottle was stuck to the shelf. I wiped the bottle and the shelf, and one thing led to another."

He smiled. "Did the milk help?"

"What?" I looked at him, confused.

"Your milk. That's what you went to the fridge to get, right?"

"Oh… right. I forgot." I laughed.

Shaking his head, he handed me the glass of milk. "The fridge looks great. Thank you."

Now that the details of the nightmare had faded, I was left with a vague feeling of despair. Deciding not to dwell on something my brain had conjured up during sleep, I downed the milk and went to shower while Finn made breakfast.