CHAPTER 39

DAY 82

Friday

Sunlight streaming through the French doors woke me. I ran my hand across the pillow beside me without opening my eyes. Finn wasn't in bed, which wasn't odd because he was an early riser, but he usually woke me before getting up. I stretched and yawned. "Ouch! Shit! Fuck! Damn!" Fiery pain ignited in my face. I was initially confused, but then I remembered the sparring match that had gone awry yesterday. When his kick landed on the side of my head, it felt like he'd knocked me into another dimension.

While I took deep breaths, holding my jaw as still as possible in hopes the pain would ease, Finn came in carrying a mug and a couple of pills. "Here, drink this and take the ibuprofen. The swelling has gone down, but your jaw will hurt for a while longer."

The look of guilt on his face had me slowly sitting up in bed and doing my best to pretend I wasn't hurting. "It's better today," I assured him. The look he gave me told me he didn't believe me. "Really. It barely hurts."

There was no need for him to feel guilty for doing his job. Besides, it was partially my fault. I hadn't been in the best head space yesterday. I'd woken up feeling sorry for myself. If I'd been in a better frame of mind, I'd have been able to protect myself better, and Finn wouldn't have hurt me. Although it wasn't the first time I'd been injured while training, it was the worst. At one point or another, most of my body had been covered in bruises.

"Today is your last official day of boot camp, so why don't we take the day off?"

That sounded like throwing in the towel early, and I didn't want to do that. "No. I want to finish what I started." His sigh told me he realized he was in a losing battle.

"Fine, but we're taking the afternoon off to spend on the lake." My smile was bittersweet as I nodded. Tomorrow, I was leaving and already aching with loss. My old life didn't hold the allure it should have.

After breakfast, we went downstairs to train for the last time. He took it easy on me, even though I told him not to. I think he was a little afraid after yesterday. At noon, we headed to the island for a picnic lunch. After we ate, he reached for me—or maybe I reached for him—either way, we came together in a tangle of limbs and need. It was different from the other times, more desperate. At dusk, we rode across the clear water, content in each other's presence, and finished the evening with dinner on the deck.

Moving to the lounge chair, Finn held his hand out for me to sit between his legs. I laid my head against his chest and took it all in. Tree branches swayed in the cool breeze. Crickets chirped. Frogs croaked. It was a symphony of nature, and we emersed ourselves in the peace of it all. Thoughts of where I'd be this time tomorrow kept creeping in and trying to ruin my Zen, but each time I pushed them out.

Sensing my conflict, Finn tightened his arms around me to remind me our time wasn't up yet. He gently kissed my injured jaw and whispered, "Let's go in."

After locking up, we went to the bedroom, kissing and discarding clothes on the way. This was our last night, and we wanted to make it special. We took it fast and then slow, turning to each other many times during the night. I wanted to risk it all and ask him if I could stay. But I couldn't get the words past my lips. What if he said no?

DAY 83

Saturday

FINN POV

Breakfast was a solemn affair. I caught her looking between bites as if memorizing everything about me. As soon as our eyes met, she'd lower her head, and I'd do the same. Last night I'd had my hands all over her body, and now I felt awkward.

After we cleared the table, she gathered a few pears for the deer and headed outside to say goodbye. I watched from the sunroom as she hugged them and wiped tears as they leaped back into the woods.

Bags in hand, Stephanie headed onto the porch. Maggie followed but glanced back at me with a worried look. She sensed the heavy sadness and wanted me to fix it. I would if I could, girl.

"Well," Stephanie said as she put her bag on the porch and looked up at me in the cool morning air.

"You don't have to leave so early. We could—"

"I should get on the road if I want to get home before dark." She bit her lip and took a deep breath. "I want you to know how grateful I am. Coming here was the best thing I could've done."

"I'm glad this mountain could be a place for you to heal. Remember that you're stronger than you know. You've impressed the hell out of me."

Her face reddened, and then she smiled teasingly. "Would you have passed me if I were a cadet at Quantico?"

I patted my pockets as if searching for something. "What did I do with that number one student ribbon?" She laughed but sobered quickly as I picked up a box from the rocking chair and handed it to her. It was the package we'd made a special trip into town to pick up and the excuse I used to take her to dinner and dancing.

"What's this?"

"Something I think will help you with your job." She eagerly ripped the box and pulled out the yellow device.

"Is this a taser?"

"It's a remote restraint device that deploys an 8ft Kevlar tether. It'll wrap around the legs or waist of a subject from up to 10-25ft. It has anchors at each end and barbs that hook into the clothing, locking the subject."

She studied the picture of a man being restrained. "This is perfect. Thank you. It might even keep me from rolling in garbage." She hugged me, letting her body melt into mine for a minute, and then quickly pulled away. I stood frozen to the spot while she stowed her bag in her trunk and opened the driver's side door.

"Wait, I have something else for you." I ran inside to get her favorite tool.

Her face lit up as she hugged it to her chest. "You're giving me your spiralizer?"

"How else are you going to make zoodles?"

She tried hard to blink them back, but the tears started. I pulled her to me and tried my damndest not to cry too. Her face was drenched, and so was the front of my shirt. She gave my chest a smack. "I almost made it out of here without crying, but then you had to go and do this." When I loosened my hold and stepped back, she cleared her throat and looked toward the woods. "You'll feed Billy and Judy and watch out for them, won't you?"

"Promise."

She leaned down and gave Maggie a hug. "I'll miss you, girl. Take care of him for me." Maggie let out a soft bark of agreement and licked Stephanie's face.

Stephanie stood, and I kissed her long and hard, stroking the back of my fingers along her cheek. "You're going to do great things, Stephanie." She looked like she didn't believe me.

I pulled the envelope of money she'd given me from my back pocket and handed it to her, but she pushed it away. "What? No. That was for training me and feeding me."

"It was never about the money. Take it and do something good with it." I caressed her face and wished we could go back inside and carry on like it was just another day of training. "If you believe in yourself half as much as I do, you'll be unstoppable."

"Come with me. You could go back to the FBI or partner with Oz. And maybe I could help too. Just think… you wouldn't have to stop bossing me around." Her eyes became hopeful, and for a second, I thought maybe I could do it, but that wasn't my path. She saw it then and knew I wasn't coming.

"You make a strong case, but this is where I belong."

"But…"

"This is how it has to be. If there was anyone I'd do it for, it'd be you." I held her chin in my hand as our eyes locked. "I'll always be here if you need me."

"You'll go back to being lonely and grumpy without me."

She didn't know how right she was. "Things will return to how they're supposed to be."

Nodding, she got in the car. I watched her back out of the driveway and point her car down the mountain. Our eyes connected one last time, and then she was gone.

Maggie leaned against my leg and whined. "It's just us again, girl. We'll be okay." I picked up the ax sticking out of the tree stump in the front yard. While I split logs, I tried to convince myself I was doing the right thing. If she stayed, I'd be sentencing her to a solitary life like mine, and I couldn't do that to her. She had a bright light inside her, and the world deserved to feel that warmth. Besides, as much as I cared for Stephanie, another woman had claimed my heart long ago. Deborah and I had never talked about one of us going on without the other, so I didn't know what she'd want for me, but I would honor her till the day I died.

AN: This chapter was hard to write. I teared up every time I tried to describe their parting scene. Leave a review and let me know your thoughts. The next chapter (40) is from Stephanie's POV as she departs the mountain and arrives in Trenton.