What If They Were Competent?

by Mr. Chaos

The Stipulation: One chapter a day. 500 words or less. Every episode of Rugrats. The Challenge: What if the adults on Rugrats were actually good parents? Watched their kids? Thought ahead? DIDN'T think it was fine for babies to nearly die every 5 days? Tommy is about to have a very different life with Stu and Didi actually using their brains.

226. Auctioning Grandpa

Auctioning Grandpa

"Look at this little guy!" Lou said as Dil grabbed onto his nose. Finally he got to grab a nose! "Squirmin' like a chest burster after I pinned it under my foot before it could escape and become a Xenomorph."

"Yeah pop, we all remember last Fourth of July."

"Think these youngins need some exercise. Maybe we'll go to the antique auction…"

"The Antique auction?" Didi said with a gasp. "Pop, those are priceless items! The babies-"

Lou let out a laugh. "I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'!" He slapped his knee even as he shifted Dil. "The look on your face! Lulu is meetin' up with me… we'll bring some toys and keep the little rascals entertained."

Didi let out a sigh of relief at that. "Well, that sounds a lot better!"

"Have fun, pop!" Stu called out as Lou loaded the babies into the wagon, grabbing Stu's baby carrier and strapping it onto his chest so Dil could be carried around hand's free. "I'll swap off with you in a few hours so you and Lulu can get something to eat. Maybe actually check out that antique auction."

"Thanks son!" Lou said.

The babies all giggled and laughed as Lou pulled them in the wagon. They did NOT randomly dig into other people's stuff, or think crying was a magic spell that stopped people from buying grandpas, or nearly get Dil killed.

"Ser Integra!" a blonde woman said from the shadows, her one arm made of red crackly stuff that Dil thought looked funny. "We still have no determined why the Major was a cybrog."

"Then keep looking!" Lulu said, her accent briefly shifting to British before she bounced DIl up and down. "We'll find out why that fat Nazi was a robot. Yes we will. Yes we will."

~MC~MC~MC~

"Now then…" Trixie said slowly, "I want you to repeat what I say."

"Okay," the creator said.

"The parents are trying their best."

"The parents clearly only had children because it was expected of them."

Trixie frowned and tried again. "They love their children."

"They neglected them till I forced them to be good parents."

She sighed. "Babies are sweet and cute."

"Babies are sweet and cutie."

Melinda fronwed. "…and?"

"And… Dil deserves to be punished for being a horrid brat because the creator before me didn't bother to give him any personality."

"And there it is," she said with a sigh, the others groaning as the intervention continued on. "You should not torment babies."

"It is hilarious to torment the babies."

"Rugrats is a good show."

"Bluey is superior in every way."

Lucifer raised his hand. "To be fair that is correct."

Everyone in Heaven nodded in agreement.

The creator shrugged. "I tried to do "What if they were Competent" for that show. It was a single chapter. It said "They already are"."