Galvanized Emotion

by Uictoriam Ducere

Charlie has been called many things in his life. A criminal, a thug, and now a deadman. Awakening in a world filled with headache inducing magic ponies who drive him crazy was the last thing he expected. He must now learn to keep his temper in check to stay on their good side as they are the only ones who can bring him home. Being murdered though, makes that kind of difficult… AU

2. Act 1: Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

Chapter 2: Wake Up and Smell the Coffee

"I raged and woke to hear the rain."

Virginia Woolf

A dark humanoid silhouette looms over me with ill intent. Fuck I can't move! Need to go. Need to get out. But I couldn't my arms were locked in with this fleshy black goo around my wrists preventing me from struggling effectively.

"C'mere you, worm!"

A dark foot slams down and it smacks me square in the chest causing immeasurable pain as I feel multitude of my ribs crack under the pressure. All I hear are my screams and the demons sick laugh at my wreathing fits of pain. When I look up at the dark mass he gives me a sinister crooked smile and cocks an arm ready to strike me.

"You're my plaything now, Boy!" The fist shoots towards me.

My eyes fly open, give a scream of terror, and flail around to prevent fist from connecting with my face but all I managed to do is eat shit and land on the cold floor. Still in 'Freaking the Fuck Out' mode I jump to my feet, ignoring the pain from my fall, and get the ready to defend myself. My primal adrenaline allows me to quickly survey the semi-dark room to find my assailant however I find no evidence of the dark silhouette. Before I can search any longer or flee from my tormentor while I had the chance a small groan behind me causes me to jump out of my fucking skin and spin around. I was honestly expecting to be face to face with that monster again but all I found was a small dark blob on the floor a few feet away somewhat shuffling around. I hear it groan again.

"Urgh my head… What happened? Charlie? Grr you ruined my dream about Rarity. We were sharing rubies while watching the sunset together and everything. If you didn't want me in your bed, you could have just said so, jerk." Wait dafuq? This demon knows my name? Dream? Rarity? Bed?

After processing those last few last words, I look to my left and see in fact a twin sized bed with unkempt bed sheets draped over it. Was I… was that all just a Dream? I shudder at the recent memory of pain. No, it couldn't be it felt too real. But what about the owner of the voice… is it my attacker? Taking a cautious step closer I realize the blob is something covered by a bed sheet. I cautiously approach the covered monster to not to alert it to my presence. I grab a bundle of the linen and prepare to unveil the mysterious small creature that knows my name. Feeling like Velma from Scooby Doo I remove the sheet entirely with one quick motion and reveal...

… A kid sized purple lizard…

Wait what? Why is there…? oh. Oh yeah. Magical pony land.

Now I remember. The last four hellish months come flooding back in all at once like a sledgehammer striking a stone. I hold the part of my chest where the foot had struck me and give a shuddering breath of relief as I realize my suspected attacker is just my annoying dragon roomy, Spike. He's holding his lavender colored head from the tumble and seemed to be as confused as I was. He must've crawled into my bed at some point during night and my sudden awakening affected more than just me.

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Oh man, thank the fuckin' lord it's just your harmless ass, Spike."

I've never been so happy to see that little purple turd in my life. One last look around and a few more moments to gather my thoughts I determine that the sadistic charcoal mass was in fact just a byproduct of a nightmare. I still can't get over how intense it was though.

Spike seemed to snap out of his daze as well and stared up at me with Green narrowed eyes and ran a claw through his Mohawk of lime green fins in frustration for disturbing his lustful slumber. Well, that's what the little shit gets for sleeping on me again. I've told him plenty a times he can sleep in my room but not on the bed with me. I don't care how cold it gets at night I'm not a walking heater.

I was going to say something along the lines of that but before I could muster out a single word his narrowed eyes switch to a look of genuine surprise. He scampers to my leg, hilariously tripping over the sheets he was tangled in, and gives it a hug barely making it past my knee in height. He then looks up at me gives me one the most painfully adorable toothy smiles I've ever received in my mortal life. It made me sick to my stomach. Suffice to say that was not the reaction I was expecting. My confusion gets only worse when he opens his mouth.

"Oh, thank Celestia your finally up! Twilight has been worried sick the last couple of days you were out! She'll be so relieved to know that your awake!" Worried? Why would she be worried about me? Few days? Before I could ask what the flying fuck was going on he cuts me off again by letting go, turns toward the door and runs as fast as his little feet can carry him. While sprinting away he screamed back at me. "Just stay right here! I'll go get her!"

I stood there a moment staring at the door Spike just exited hoping my confusion would dampen. It didn't. In fact, I'm feeling a little more than just confusion… feeling a tad woozy. Before I could drop to the floor a second time today, I caught myself with the end of the bed, sat down and started seeing stars. The entire ordeal between the nightmare and Spike's confusing actions gave me a splitting fuckin' headache. When I look down at my feet, I realize I'm almost completely naked save for a thin pair of boxers. I was about to put my head in my hands to try and dull the pain but then I saw it. I froze at its sight. On my right hand on the palm there was-

"BY CELESTIA, YOU ARE AWAKE!" A familiar shrieking voice that did no favors for my headache appeared at the doorway breaking me free of my thoughts.

The rooms many candles flare up with the voice's announcement. I didn't even have to look to know who it was to my misfortune. It was none other than Sunbutt's protege, Twilight Sparkle. God, I really detest these ponies and their fruity ass names. She beams over to me with poor little spike trying to keep up with her pace and gets right in my face with a pair of crazed violet eyes and sporting bad bed head. Even Spike looked a bit frightened at her appearance. She, with her purple hooves, grapples the sides of my head and started twisting me back and forth to get a good look at my facial features. Before I could remind her of our pleasant chat about personal bubbles, we had weeks prior, I am interrupted with a merciless onslaught of questions.

"Are you okay!? Do you know your name!? How many hooves am I holding up!? What color am I!? Do you feel any burning sensation!?-"

"twilight."

"-do you know the time!? What day of the week is it!? What are the Princesses names!?-"

"Twilight!"

"-What country are we in!? What Town are we located!? When's your birthday!?-" That's It. I stand up straight and tall.

"TWILIGHT, SHUT THE FU-RAAAAARGG!" My bout of anger was ended by and an extremely painful bolt of red lightning shooting up my arm and racks through my body causing my legs to give out from under me.

When the pain stops, I found myself looking at the ceiling with my back to the floor out of breath. "What the FUC- RAGGGHH"

Again, the electric Infliction hits me even harder than before. Youd've thunk Zeus was personally smiting me for my degeneracy from how bad it hurt. My vision blurs, my arms start twitching on their own, a fire of pain burns a hole through my chest cavity. Something grasps my arm but quickly let's go. Oh Please, merciful God, let it end! In what I would call an answered prayer it does just that. Oh, thank you, Jesus. I swear I'll go to church every Sunday from here on out when I get back. When my eyesight returns, I am still facing the ceiling while I struggle to breath properly.

It wasn't until I heard movement to the right of me that I did something aside from laying there. Thinking the demon from earlier had returned to finish my pitiful existence once and for all I recoiled backwards in fear till my back hits something solid. My breath still shuttering from the pain and take a look around for the assaulter wielding a storm cloud. My gaze only meets the two from earlier and the bed where I was located seconds ago.

The librarian and her little assistant were giving me mixed reactions. Spike was holding his clawed hand like it were injured giving me a scared look while Twilight stood there next to him and wearing an almost… sorrowful expression? Now hold on. what the hell does she have to be sad for?

She knows something!

I was going to demand what she had done to me but like I'm cursed to be constantly interrupted another round of playing 'Electric Chair' slapped me. It wasn't as bad as the other two episodes, but it definitely did not tickle. When it ended Twilight was at in front of me and before I could get a thought out, she silenced it with her voice.

"Charlie! You need to calm down! It's your anger!" A look of confusion made her jab a hoof at my hand and continued. "It's the Mark of Wrath! If you don't settle down its only going to get worse! Don't you remember your conflict with Princess Celestia? She's the one who gave it to you as punishment!"

Still very confused and fearful of another zap I look at the hand she prodded. There it was. The thing I had noticed earlier right before Twilight entered the room. Right smack in the middle of my palm was a circle the size of a Kennedy Half dollar and inside of it was a sinister looking W with lightning bolts striking downwards on each side. On top of the W was a royal crown adorned with what looked like thorns. Running around the inside perimeter was some equestrian gibberish I couldn't read. The entire thing looked like very definitive scar and very reminiscent of a brand but more detailed. I use my other hand to touch it and can feel the fleshy bumps that make it protrude slightly outwards off my skin. Wait Princess Celestia gave this to me? Punishment? I look up at Twilight even more confused than I was a second ago.

"Sunbutt gave this to me!? Why!? What the hell did I do!?" She grimaced at the moniker and Spike fails miserably to stifle his giggles. I crossed my arms. "Well, whatever she thinks I did I didn't do it. This is obviously some kind of big misunderstanding, so why don't you write one of those gay little friendship letters you like so much and get her out here to fix this."

"Even though I didn't agree with your… punishment… that doesn't mean you get to play innocent, Charlie. You know exactly what you did." she huffed as she crosses her hooves likewise to mine in a stern matter.

Not innocent? What the fuck she mean not innocent? I haven't done shit to anyone except maybe a few brash words here and there but nothing that would permit this.

Twilight must've noticed my continued bewilderment because her stance faltered a little. "Uh You do remember what you did right? Right…?" My silence was enough of an answer for her I assume because she gave me another worried expression.

"What's the last thing you do remember then?" My attention turned to spike when he decided to become a part of the conversation again. I shake my head and think really hard.

What is the last thing I remember?

Blueberry's.

I remember Blueberry's.

"The last thing I truly recall is waking up and having some of those ass kickin' blueberry pancakes you make, Spike." They look at each other and then at me. "What?" Twilight takes a careful step towards me like I'm a bomb ready to go off.

"Charlie… Spike hasn't made those pancakes in a week." She says this with a look of uncertainty. Dread fills me. A week? That's not possible. Or… is it? This brand didn't appear overnight that's for sure and if there is a fortnight of time missing from my recollection then maybe… maybe in that time I really did do something of that nature to permit this. Breaking out of my thoughts I look at them.

"What uh…" My voice dies in my throat as I'm a little scared knowing the answer is not going to be good. Man, I've got a bad fuckin' feeling about this. "…What did I do exactly?" Twilight Looks down at the floor as if in deep thought for a few moments and her eyes return to me.

"Listen… h-how about we wait until the morning and I'll fill you in with the details then. It's quite the tale and I'd rather do it when it's not two-O-clock in the morning, i-if that's okay with you I mean.

Somethings off about her right now. Conversations we've had in the past went well into the night if I permitted it and she never had a problem disobeying sleep schedules in the name of knowledge before. She almost sounds… reluctant. If there's one thing, I've learned it's that when it comes to Twilight, she is never reluctant about me. My species technological advancements, theories, thought processes and whatever else she wants to crack out of me is too tempting to allow sleep to get in the way much to Spike's dismay. That's why I live with her now. She's the only one that can put up with the death threats, episodes of anger, and pretty much anything else I've thrown at her. That and I'm kind of her responsibility as she summoned me here with her magical Mickey Mouse bullshit.

She's not… scared of me, is she?

I look up from my bear feet to meet her eyes and she quickly averts them which answers my question. Huh… she's never been scared of me before. Did I freak out that bad? Her being afraid of me shouldn't bother me as much as it is but as a cardinal rule for Humanity, we don't like change. Change means more uncertainty. And Uncertainty means no illusion of control. I mean, it always annoyed me Twilight never was afraid of me and would keep prodding me for more and more over these last couple of months, but it kept some normalcy in my fucked up situation. I sigh and rub my hand through my beard which is much lengthier than I last recall.

"…Whatever, Twilight. I'll see you in the morning." I mutter Coldly.

I heave myself off the wall I've been leaning against and make my way to my bed without even sparing the two a glance. I'm not even bothering to grab the frayed sheets off the floor from earlier. The bed is up against the wall longways so when I lay down, I make sure my back is facing towards them so they can't see the pained expression I'm holding from my headache which has grown three times larger than before from the new revelations I've been given. After a few moments of silence, I hear them eventually shift quietly towards the door and I hear it creek shut without a word. When the door clicks all the candles slowly fade until I'm greeted by the darkness once more. My mind drifts back to the Demon in my nightmare which gives me a shiver. I'm very wary of returning to the dream world this night. So I resort to staring at the wall for some period.

The somewhat muffled harsh winter gales of outside rocks me to sleep.

6 hours later

The smell of something delicious teased me awake from my, thankfully dreamless, rest.

"Oh… go away sweet nectar of the Gods for I wish to sleep only a few minutes longer." I groggily plead.

The smell heeded not my call for mercy however and continued its unaltered assault on my nasal cavity causing my stomach to rumble with anticipation. After a while of the smell tantalizing me, I finally had the will to open my sleep crusted eyes and the wall I fell asleep to greets me. I roll over and view my beige colored room. It's dimly lit with the light cracking through the window blinds. Shooting strands of sunlight decorate the wood textured bedroom. I wonder what that smell…?

Familiarity clears my wonder.

"OH! Oh, hot damn! It's Spike's motherfuckin' pancakes!" My head flies up off the pillow as I identify the aroma and hurriedly leave my tranquil nest to acquire me some Spike-Jacks. First thing I'm greeted to is the chilly air and a cold floor biting my exposed flesh as I'm still in my boxers from last night. It would appear that winter has fallen upon us unfortunately. "Shit! Who turned off the fuckin' heat!"

I can't fuckin' wait until that Winter Wrap Up bullshit starts. I hate the cold.

Running over to my dresser I ransack each drawer to try and fill my need of warmth. A pair of denim jeans, home spun tube socks, Chestnut colored work boots, and the brown flannel I arrived here with soon found its way into my arms. A quick dash back over to the bed and proceed to get dressed. While getting clothed I found my eyes wandering to my palm as the recent memory of last night snakes its way back to me. Something funny stirs inside me at the brands sight and not haha funny neither. It's not… really an emotion but more rather a gut feeling. I don't know if I'll ever be able to convert this feeling into words but to put it as gentlemanly as possible this mark gives me the fuckin' willies. It's almost like… its wickedness is staring back at me.

Peering.

Knowing.

Staring at it sends that fuzzy feeling in my head that I've felt from time to time since I got here spiraling. I'm sorry I cant describe it as anything else but that's the best I can put in into words. I've never felt anything like that before getting here and I've deduced it has something to do with memories as I only feel it when I think of something that I shouldn't remember. Mostly of home. Speaking of memories, one starts to replay in my mind if not just by fragments. A blur of fighting in town with blank faced horses. Destroying anything in my path. Feeling rage like I haven't felt since that day at the Sawmill.

And of course, the visage of the princess in full view. She dragged me to the library…

The fight in the kitchen replays in my mind with considerable detail unlike the other one but anything before I just cant put together properly. One quote from myself plays back again, however, causing me to frown.

"You fuckin' jerk me off like I'm some chump!? Pretend like I don't know what your doing?! Like I don't have a fuckin' brain to put shit together!?"

I don't lose my shit for the sake of it so that clues me in that she fuckin' did something. I didn't like at all. Before I could start getting worked up over the memory my hand pleasantly reminds me that being angy is a big no no for charlie… A fit of shocks sent me to the floor and the air kicked out of me.

Another scene plays in my head.

"The angrier the host the more intense the shock will be."

Boy, was that a fuckin' understatement of the goddamn century…

I sit up and replay the whole memory from start to finish analyzing everything I can remember from the ordeal. Anything that tells me what the fuck I did for Celestia to be involved herself. But nothing. Just more of her reprimands and me throwing insults. Oh well I'm sure it will come back to me eventually…

I shake out of my trance, finish tying my bootstraps, and decide this fuckin' thing on my hand needs be deep sixed pronto. But, because it happens to be on my hand nor a breathing person, I settle to cover it with a thin rag, so I don't have to think about it. Just like how I handle all my problems. Why worry about it when you can sweep it under a rug and go about your day? Fully dressed I hurry over to my nightstand to grab the treasured belongings that almost never leave my side.

Beat up ball cap? Adorned.

Flask? Unfortunately, empty.

Old broken wristwatch? Still broken.

Wallet? Old and crusty.

My Journal? Nowhere in sight…

Where the fuck is it!?

I have a little heart attack as I quickly frisk my room to find my personal property. After about five minutes of searching my final conclusion is it's not in my fuckin' room at all and Twilight or Spike made off like thieves with it. Oh, there'll be hell to pay if I find out they touched it. I feel my hand buzz as the thought manifests. Before I could search any longer or freak out about it the pancakes hit my nose causing a large pang of hunger to strike me and my stomach to roar that would put even some lions to shame. Man, what the fuck is wrong with me? I feel ravenous. With that, I turn to leave my sanctuary to go fuck some shit up in the library's kitchen.

Walking down the tunneling hallway, that looks like something out of 'A Bug's Life' from the raw pink wood surface, I found myself at the top of the long dusty rose-colored staircase. Thank goodness I'm going down because the girly ass hearts that decorate every other step makes me want to gag and I don't want to lose my appetite.

Finally at the bottom I take a good scan of the oh so familiar main floor. It's a circular room that have bookshelves all along the walls with many ledgers, novels, and encyclopedias filling them. In the center was a table also circular in shape with Twilight's many studies left open for her return. On the ceiling is an emblem that causes my hand to short circuit and a pain shoot up my arm at its viewing. Not because of the emblem itself but rather who it belongs to. It's Celestia's tramp stamp of a sun with fanning heat stroked outwards. If that cunt thinks she's heard the last of me then Sunbutt's got another thing coming.

I shake out of my irritation to reach the goal my stomach yearns. Spotting the door to the kitchen, from which the devilishly tang fragrance is originating, on the other side of the main room. I make no hesitation to reach it as my steps glide across on instinct. Without even a second thought I practically kick the door in to get my fill of breakfast.

That was probably, by far, the single worst fuckin' mistake I could have made in that moment because situated at the long dinner table awaiting breakfast was Twilight and an armada of armored ponies. There's like seven of them all wearing the same outfit, obviously a uniform of some kind, with the exception of two of them. It honestly reminds me of ancient Greek hoplite armor but instead of cool as war damage it has hearts and rainbows and shit on them. I fuckin' hate this place. The two special cunts seem to be the leaders of this ragtag group of fairies as far as I can tell. Their armor seems more finely made with engravings and whatnot adorning the metallic surfaces.

The horses seemed to be in the same 'deer in headlights' position as I was. Goddammit! I was expecting syrupy goodness, not company! A voice by the stove pulls my attention but I don't dare leave my gaze from the pony filled table.

"See, I told you my pancakes would have woken his lazy butt up." The voice of Spike proudly proclaims at his culinary achievement.

Recognition of my being flares through the room as the surprise quickly turns to looks of disgust, I've come quick to know quite well. I returned it with much gusto. Well, fuuuuuck this. Overriding my hunger, I spin around and was going to leave the same way I came but before I could even cross the threshold violet enveloped me and halted my quick escape and turning me back to the table. Fucking magic, dude.

I see Twilight nervously chuckle at the look I gave her and approached me quickly. "Hehe why would you look who it is, the Stallion of the hour. It's so great you finally arrived for pancakes hehe" She squeaked the response. She quickly yanks my head down towards her with magic so I'm within whispering range and hear a quick harsh undertone to match her glare. "If you want to survive today unscathed, I suggest not being you for five minutes."

Fuckin' women, man.

She releases me, switches back to the fake smile, and leaves my side. Scampering on over to the empty seat at the end and pulls it out and taps on it with a lavender hoof to beckon me to sit down. The seven scowls deepen at her action. The tic to pull on my beard smacked me, and I adjusted my cap to hopefully dredge some courage. Spoilers: it didn't. After a moment, I finally moved toward my assigned seat and mentally prepared myself for the awkwardness of breakfast. Normally I don't care what other people think of me, especially at my character, but after my fuck up who knows what their reactions may be.

Twilight is sitting on the seat to my right. Nothing new there. She always sits as close to me as possible during meals as that's usually the time she interrogates me for information. Some nights, I may as well be at Guantanamo fuckin' Bay from how far she's willing to take the questioning. She's looking at me with expectant violet irises, somewhat obstructed from her indigo bangs, obviously wanting me to take a seat.

"It's okay, Charlie. We're not going to bite." Twilight calmly spouts.

"Yeah, cause I'm real fuckin' scared of your set of grass munchers." The dry response is the only thing that leaves my lips.

She just sighs and points at the chair all flustered for not taking her advice to not be myself from earlier. "Will you just take a seat, Please!" She huffs.

I just smirk at her annoyed tone. She just makes it so easy to get under her skin. Unconsciously fixing my cap one more time, I plant my ass on the wooden chair and prepare for the worst. All eyes are on me. The silence is only scared away by Spike humming a tune by the stove, completely oblivious of the Mexican standoff currently happening behind him.

Their faces are giving me mixed signals. Two of em looks like they want to high tail it and run and another three look uncertain looking at their superior comanturds for orders. As for the two douche canoes themselves they have a look of fiery hatred which I know all too fuckin' well. A look I return to sender with overnight shipping.

The one on the left is a peach-colored male Pegasus with blue hair who seems to be lower on the totem pole than the other. You can tell he's got that fresh out of military school look, but he looks pretty confident in his abilities considering who the flying fuck he's staring down right now. I don't recognize him, but he must sure as shit know who I am.

I can't say the same about the white unicorn next to him. He looks really familiar… I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's the blue hair? I don't know I've met so many of these multicolored horrors of nature you kinda lose track of who's who. This fucks probably called 'light daffodil' or something equally as autistic. You can tell immediately that this cocksucker thinks he's king shit of shit mountain alright. It looks like a thin thread of patience is stopping him from vaulting over the table tackling me.

These cum stains are here for a reason and the reason must be named Charlie. Fuck this man. I still might get up and leave but something tells me it's too late for that now. All eyes are trained on me in anticipation. What does it look like I'm gonna do? Spontaneously explode!? I fuckin' wish. Seeing my guts fling themselves all over these shits would be a sight I'd like to see. 'The horror' they'd scream. I almost crack a smile, but my nerves get the better of me.

I scoff at the leader. "So, is having a hard on for humans a part of basic training or are you just happy to see me?" His frown deepens. I smile a little as I lean back in my chair and get to work.

Twilight looks at me in horror but forget her. I'm just getting started.

"Or is it a unicorn thing? You know, I'm not one to judge a book by it's cover but I always heard you army guys like to get the wings to polish your horns, if you know what I mean." I scrunch my nose. "Or is that the navy...? oh well! Same difference I suppose. Instead of sharing sealegs you guys just eat mud pies off each other, right? Yeah, that must be it! Just a bunch of flag salutin' bunch of-"

A white hoof slams the table with thunderous force, shaking all the plates and silverware as well as silencing my rant.

The white stallion huffs and steam exits his nostrils. "That is quite enough!" His eyes narrow. "You will not stand there and disrespect Her Majesty's guard! We are the finest in all of Equestria! Handpicked by Princess Celestia herself to be the best of the best!" He juts a prejudiced hoof in my direction. "Unlike you, we have modesty and integrity, monster! We train our whole lives to destroy things like yo-"

I yawn in an over dramatic fashion causing the white stallion to have a seizure of rage. I feign surprise like I just realized he was talking. "…What's that? Oh, my apologies I sometimes have a hard time hearing the mentally disabled. Please speak up I didn't catch any of that!"

Twilight tries to intervene. "Hey! Stop, this is not ver-"

He stands up ready to pounce. His horn lights up in deep blue as he charges his magic. "That's it you, Ape! I've had enough you! Ponies! Make ready!" His boy band freaks start getting ready as well.

"Please! There doesn't need to be-"

A hearty laugh escapes me and bring my arms out to either side of me, an invitation to strike. "Come on then! Show me that you hit harder than the donkey dicks you all-"

"STOOOOOOOOOOOOP IT!" Twilight shrieks at the top of her lungs damn near shattering the windows and the good china. Her out of breath huffing is all that remains of noise in the kitchen besides the sound of pancakes cooking and of course the ringing in my ears.

I grin ear to ear at the sight of Twilight's manic face. "YES! Preach it, sister!" I sway my hand in the air like a Baptist pastor and mimic one. "In the house of the Lawd we hear the truth, sister Twilight!"

She doesn't react at all to my outburst. She looked so tired. "Charlie." she states calmly.

My grin doesn't leave. "Yeah?"

"Shut up." She asks tiredly. This makes me laugh again.

The white stallion winces and tries to remedy twilight episode. "I'm not gonna sit here and-

She growls. "You are gonna sit there and be quiet until the Princesses arrive like we've been told. This is my library and while you are here you obey my rules. We're not in Canterlot anymore, Shining." She sighs and tries to compose herself. Key word: tries. "Both of you!"

The stallion 'Shining' grunts with displeasure. "Very well, Twily…" He looks over at me and mouths 'this isn't over'. I retaliate by fishing a middle finger out of my ass. Fuckin' Twily? Who the fuck is this jerk off?

I fake bow for Twilight and start up with a haughty accent. "At once, Your Grace…Thine am at thee command!" She doesn't look amused.

Silence ensues the kitchen once more as we all just kinda… exist. The tension in the room is just too strong to ignore and have a conversation. Everyone's on edge and I can't really blame them. Why are these shit stains even here? I know they're here for me but why? Is this something to do with what Twilight told me last night? It has to be. I lost week of memory, maybe more… Who the fuck knows what else I did within that time. I'd like to say I was the goodest boy who ever gooded but we both know how much of a lie that is. And I was 'punished' already for what I (supposedly) did so why are the goddesses of genital warts coming here. To slap me on the wrist again?

I pull on my beard, which is longer than I'm used to, as the thoughts consume me. Before boredom can consume me and a realization hits me like a wrecking ball. Twilight said the Princesses are coming…

Oh God…

I huff at the bad news. "So, when's sunbutt getting here, Twily…?" I start picking my ear knowing full well what I said.

She closes her eyes out of exhaustion. I don't know which moniker did her in. Probably both of them. She huffs again. "They should be here any minute, Charlie. Just relax. I'm sure that they ar-"

"Are just what, Twilight?" A familiar voice booms behind me startling me. I swing my head around seeing of course the royal cunt of the week herself, Princess Celestia, in all her garbage glory. She stares me down her brows furrowing a little as recognition flares through me. I swear she can hear my thoughts sometimes.

Standing next to her is another… Alicorn? I think that's what you call em. The ones with wings and a horn. Fucking retarded. I hate this place. But I've never seen her before. In fact, I've never seen anyone like her since getting here at least in color. Her very dark appearance though threw me for a loop that's for sure. I'm not joking about dark either. Her coat is almost black if it wasn't for the light hue of sapphire mixed in. Her mane wasn't like hair at all but was very animated like Queen Queefs over there, like a pool of a cosmic ocean. Unlike Highness Hymen the mane in question was a dark deep blue color with white lights sprinkled throughout. Kinda looked like stars to be honest. Also, she was one of the few I've stumbled into wearing something of clothing around here but it ain't much. Just like Celery Stick it looked like she wore just a few pieces of expensive cloth material around her neck and onto her back.

While Celestia was looking at me like I was a toddler who dropped his binkie like she usually does, this new one was giving a look I couldn't place. It wasn't hatred nor was its curiosity.

It kinda looked like… pity? That can't be right.

The stupid tin men salute which makes me roll my eyes and the white stallion rushes over and salutes again. "Princess Celestia, Princess Luna! We were just going over some details with Twilight as you instructed. The town is in quite a shape and its residents are riled but we'll do our best to keep the peace while we proceed."

Luna? Oh! It's Sunbutt's sister! The other Princess who've I hadn't had the privilege to meet yet.

The dark one opens up now known as 'Luna' opens up. "Art we eft to depart, Captain?" Da fuck? Why is she talking like that…

The Stallion looks over at me and scowls. "I wouldn't say ready… But we will make do." Fuck you. What the fuck is going on?

I cough obnoxiously into my hand to get everyone's attention. "So is it customary to leave ape things out of plans or do you all just not like me." I place my hand on my chest and act hurt. "I don't know if I could ever recover emotionally if it was the latter." Sarcasm leaking from my mouth like diarrhea.

Celestia turns to me. "We are talking about the trial, Charlie."

Trial? Uh oh. That's not good. That's not fuckin' good at all.

My eyebrows fly upward. "Uhhhh what fuckin' trial?"

The princess frowns and turns to the stallion. "Was he not informed, Shining Armor?"

The speckled dick dubbed 'Shining Armor' looks nervously between me and the monarch. "Um, we were just getting to that part your Highness. My apologies…" He says sheepishly. "Also… I've been informed by Twilight Sparkle that our guest…" He pauses out of disgust of the word. "…does not remember the events three days prior. Including the incident. He will have to be brought up to speed."

Celestia dons a look disappointment and sighs. She turns to me with a look I haven't seen her use before. "What do you remember and give me the truth." She walks uncomfortably close, and her gaze becomes nerve racking. "I'll know." She states.

I scoot my chair away from her a little and stick up a hand to put some distance between us. "Back the fuck up, toots. You people need lessons on personal space." I pull at my beard. "As to answer your question I know we tussled in this very kitchen, but I don't remember why. I know you gave me this…" I show the mark to her. "...as a punishment of some kind. I also know you fucked me in some way. I don't remember why but I know you did something to set me off. So how about you start making some goddamn sense so I'm not a complete fool."

Her frown deepens. "Charlie, listen to me carefully. I don't have time for your games nor your attitude. Not today. We are already late for the trial so I can't give you a full explanation, but I can tell you this. You put the town in jeopardy. You put my little ponies lives at risk. Your punishment has already been dealt as you know already but the town doesn't know that. This trial is a show trial for the residents of Ponyville so they won't… how would you put this…?" She thinks for a second before continuing. "Kerblooey your asshole to mars?" She looks back at the group and looks sheepishly. "Did I say that right?" everyone kinda nods in agreement and Spike gives a thumbs up as he walks over with a plate of pancakes.

I flip the drake off. "Fuck you, Spike." I fried myself for that, but it was worth it. I double over and spasm as the pain takes me.

Celestia juts a hoof at me after my 'dealt punishment' did its thing. "That right there is precisely the problem. You can't control your emotions! The smallest thing 'sets you off' as you put it and you can't calm down. So, you can only imagine when something huge comes your way and how you'll react." Her serious demeanor softens a little at my pathetic gasps for air when the painful zap stops. "I trust you for the most part and I'm sorry things have to be like this. I know you don't remember what you did but that doesn't give you the excuse of innocence. I just need your cooperation for the meantime and things can go back to some relative normalcy. Is that okay, Charlie? Can you do that for me?"

Normalcy. I shake my head at the word. The tall, talking, flying, magic wielding, sun god is talking to me about normal… You can't make this shit up.

I sigh as I regain composure and look at everyone else. The soldiers I don't give a flying fuck about, so I disregard them immediately, but I look at Twilight. The mare gives a small smile and gives me an encouraging nod to do what Celestia is asking.

I avert my gaze and stare back at the monarch. "Okay… What do you need from me?"

She smiles. "Thank you. I know this isn't easy for you, but it will be the best way to ensure this goes as smoothly as possible." She moves to a spot in the room where everyone can see her more clearly and continues. "Charlie, you will be our prisoner. You will be put in chains and escorted to the town hall where most of the town has congregated out of protest of your presence. Most importantly you will be on your best behavior. No remarks, no sarcasm, no attitude. Shining Armor, you and your ponies will ensure Charlie's safety there." Shiny turd looked like he wanted to protest but Celestia continues. "Is this a problem captain?"

He stands there mouth agape while looking between me and the princess before sighing. "No, Your Highness. We will do our duty…"

"What about me!" Twilight chips in. "What do you need from me, Princess!"

She smiles warmly. "You have the most important job of all, my little student…" She walks over and whispers something in her ear that I just can't make out. Twilight gasps halfway through and looks increasingly worried until Celestia finishes and speaks louder. "Can you do this for me, Twilight?"

She looks at me unsure. "I… Suppose so." She turns to spike about to take a bite of his first pancake before magic envelops him and pulls him toward her. "C'mon, we have to head to the town hall."

Spike wines in protest and claws at the floor comically as he is whisked away from his breakfast. I'd laugh at him if I wasn't so overwhelmed with this whole fuckin' whack-a-doodle bukkake. I barely hear Celestia give the order to put the shackles on me which Shining did 'with pleasure' I think he said. The next thing I knew I was being hauled toward a Canterlot royal chariot, crammed inside with the princesses and the royal guard asshats and slowly went on our way to the town hall of Ponyville.

I was pretty quiet for the most part. Just grunting at the occasional question or remark. I can already tell this is gonna suck eggs, dude… But I don't really get a choice. A running theme in the movie called 'Charlies Life'…

Celestia either thinks I'm being a good boy or I'm saving it for the trial.

We'll see when we get there what I'll decide…