Galvanized Emotion

by Uictoriam Ducere

Charlie has been called many things in his life. A criminal, a thug, and now a deadman. Awakening in a world filled with headache inducing magic ponies who drive him crazy was the last thing he expected. He must now learn to keep his temper in check to stay on their good side as they are the only ones who can bring him home. Being murdered though, makes that kind of difficult… AU

4. Act 1: Chain Gang Blues

Chapter 4: Chain Gang Blues

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark;

the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

-Plato

I'm surrounded by darkness but not alone. I'm immobilized. Can't move. Hard to breathe. I feel pain in my hands and feet. Pain in my gut. The kind of pain that you can't walk off or ignore. It consumes my mind as it is all I can focus on. I try screaming for help but no one answers my pleas. I feel myself being hoisted upward causing the pain to increase to the point of being unbearable. My screams signify as such.

The dark man enters my field of vision and stares intently. "Hmmm This belongs in a museum wouldn't you agree? Oh you probably cant see the beauty. Here let me help…" He sneers.

A mirrored surface shines in front of me showing the true horror I'm enduring. I've been crucified, my hands impaled and my feet as well to a rusted pole. To my horror my guts are slipped through a cut in my belly and they hang almost to the floor. I start screaming more as I see some dark goo covered crows eating at my entrails.

The black mass seemingly proud of his work steps back judging his own art. "This isn't my best work but don't worry!" He chuckles darkly. "…WE WILL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME FOR PRACTICE!" He explodes in laughter as I feel life slip from my being.

I gasp awake flailing around, finally feeling that I've been freed and can move, searching for the dark sadist so I can run in the opposite direction. He's nowhere to be seen but that doesn't stop my panic. I grapple my hands and feet feeling for the injuries but there's non to be found. The same can go for my stomach as no avian is using me as a bird feeder. Was that a fuckin' dream? It felt the other one I had last night. It couldn't be but again here I lay in the all familiar room inside of the Oaken Library unharmed. Well, physically at least. My mind is running a mile a minute.

"Fuck me, man." I say to no one in particular.

I put my head in my hands to try and get a hold of myself, but it takes me a minute to get my shit together. I sit up in bed being startled like an idiot at the smallest of noises like creaking floors, blowing wind, and rustling of leaves. Looking by the window on the other side of the room I can tell its still early morning. Too fuckin' early if you ask me.

Sighing I just wait there as if that Black shithead is gonna pop up somewhere to torment me further, but it never happens. I frown as I think back on him. It was the same one from the other dream. Same voice. Same body. I shudder one more time and finally just deduce it's just some recurring dreams from stress.

Lord fuckin' knows I've had enough of that to last a goddamn lifetime. Especially these last two months. I lay my head back on the pillow and reminisce of the befuddling predicament known as 'Charlie visits fantashit land and hates it'.

The first few days were rough to say the least. I'm pretty sure I was in shock during most of that time, still waiting to wake up but I never fuckin' did and it cemented that this pony shithole was in fact reality much to my fuckin' dismay. Twilight was really, really, really annoying that first day. She just couldn't calm the fuck down asking me question, after question, after question. It wasn't until I blew up on the second day, she mellowed the fuck out. I get I'm this apparent inter-dimensional traveler from a forgotten world or some shit but Christ on a stick fucking leave me alone. She still interrogates me from time to time but nowhere near as bad as she was.

What I told her? Not much to be honest. I told of humanity and our accomplishments, what we've done for through the millennia, but I was never a fuckin' historian so I just gave her the Boston rundown. Which means basically I told her the short version but in a less kind way. The talk about magic was very… informational to say the least. For me dragons and magic are for fuckin' nerds who play dungeons and dragons who can't get laid but here… Oh ho ho here it's a fuckin' Tuesday. The way she described it was the souls of this land are connected to the cosmos or some bullshit, but we'll get into that later.

She also asked me a lot of personal questions and almost none were answered clearly. As far as she knows I'm a carpenter who fell into a hole with no family. It's a half truth. I was a carpenter at one point, the hole was the hole in my forehead Bill drilled into me, and I don't have any family… Not anymore.

She knows nothing of my more current work with Bill or Paulie. I don't think she could take it to be honest. It was dirty work and the biggest crime here apparently was property damage as you may have heard from the outrage from yesterday, I might as well be a serial killer. I ain't proud for workin' with them people but it paid a lot better than scamming people on a street corner and it paid a hell of a lot better than construction that's for fuckin' sure.

Fuckin' Paulie… That fat dago fuck… I knew I shouldn't have trusted him but the same could go to Bill considering he introduced me to him. I broke heads for him for years and I do one stupid thing and that's it? You get whacked? Fuckin' stupid. It's a wonder why he has guys at all if he swats them like flies for the littlest of things but that's enough about me. My hands been buzzing this entire time and I can't think about it anymore.

Anyways, yeah that's all she knows. My mind shifts to the egghead herself…

Twilight's been… helpful to say the least. She's looked out for me even though I'm a complete ass and deserve to be ran out of town, but she still stuck by me even after this recent development. I think it's guilt. She brought me here and she can't send me home so what else to do but to stay in my corner. It's commendable even by my fucked standards but that doesn't stop my annoyance of some of her habits. Hell by definition she is a fuckin' habit. Everything's scheduled, down to the last minute and if something goes awry, she loses it. And I mean lose it. It's really fuckin' funny. She's a neat freak through and through. A real bookster too. All she does all day is study and even though she's obsessed with her schedule she'll break it to read up on something throughout the night just so she could understand it better. I guess she has to, I mean, she is a librarian after all. It's kinda her job but she needs to take a vacation or something. She takes it way too seriously.

And then there's Spike, her drake assistant. I don't know what to think of him other than he's just a naive kid. But I'm saying that like he's not a literal fuckin' fire breathing hell beast. Apparently, he's not even close to being matured and will continue to grow for quite some time. He's alright enough I suppose but I will say he does break up the monotony of the library from time to time getting into mischief which I help with pleasure. Like when he asked me to help change all the 10,000 clocks in the library an hour forward and Twilight was losing her shit. You had to fuckin' be there, dude, it was so fuckin' good. He's a crafty little fuck I'll give him that much. He also unfortunately likes me a lot more than some of the others around here so he follows me almost everywhere if Twilight will allow it. Oh well, he's not my fuckin' problem and I'm gonna keep it that way.

As if the small dragon could sense I was thinking about him I hear a knock at the door and spike pipes up. "Charlie? You up? Twilight sent me to get you!" I hear the locked doorknob jiggle.

"Ugh no!" I turn over and pretend I don't hear him.

"Charlie! Open up! You have a busy day today!" He cries. Again, I ignore him.

"Just leave me alone you little shit!" It's bad enough I haven't had a good night's rest for the last couple of days but now I get welfare check and a breathing alarm clock? Fuck you, Spike, you littl-

Spike hits the door repeatedly as fast as he can with what I assume are his small fists and the flurry of noise makes me grate my teeth. I swing the pillow over my head to try to muffle the noise. Key word: try. I shoot up in bed still completely dressed from the day before and march over to the door. The noise doesn't stop until I swing open the door full force to see a very surprised drake looking up at me.

My eyes narrow and my hand is keeping me from losing my shit. "What. Do. You. Want." I hiss.

Spike looks like he's trying his best not to shit himself. "U-um You need to come downstairs for the, you know, for the thing? From the trial hehe…" He chuckles nervously. "Flash Sentry is here with Pinkie Pie. Mr. and Mrs. Cake are here too."

"Who the fuck is Flash Sentry..?" I think but then something dawns on me. The Cakes? uh oh. That's not good. "Why the fuck are the Cakes here?!" I scream cutting spike off from answering my previous question with another.

Spike looks down the hall to see if anyone's listening and looks back up at me. "I don't know but they don't look happy. I think it has something to do with the Sugarcube Corner." He lifts up some items and hands them to me. "You're gonna be out in the cold probably so here. It's really bad out there today." It's his red scarf and earmuffs.

I look at him skeptically. "Uh outside? In winter? You fuckin' crazy?"

I try handing him back the things, but he shakes his head and sprints down the hallway. "C'mon! They're waiting!" I hear him yell.

I look back into the coziness of my bedroom still wanting to return but I know better. I sigh holding Spikes winter clothes and follow him down the stairs and into the kitchen. The first thing I notice is the armored pony from yesterday. Not Captain Dribble, the other one. Huh he must be this 'Flash Sentry' Spike was warning me about. He's got his helmet off and thankfully he's the only soldier here not that it really matters as there's still a small army of ponies around here. I'm so tired of fuckin' ponies. He notices me and scowls but doesn't say anything. At least he's fucking quiet this time.

I look over and see that Twilight was in mid conversation with the Cakes who look like they want to run away in terror. My presence is known to them the second I enter the room and they back up a little out of fear. I roll my eyes. Next there's the crazy pink blob, Pinkie Pie, giving me the scariest look, I've ever seen on man or beast. She looks like Private Pyle doing that 'looking through his eyebrows' thing. I just know she's gonna call me Joker in a second…

One final look at everyone and I sigh. "Well, I'm here! What the fuck is going on, Twilight?!" I snap causing the Cakes to jump.

Twilight seeing the Cakes reaction walks closer so I wouldn't yell as loud and starts up. "Well, if you would have stayed yesterday and not stormed off I could have told you already." She sighs but continues. "Today is Tuesday so it's Pinkie's day."

I get even more confused. "Whoa whoa whoa hold on 'Pinkie's day'? What's that supposed to mean? You say that like I've got a designated day for all your downie friends hehe." I chuckle knowing how ridiculous that is. Her face doesn't move a muscle at my statement. Oh fuck dude… "Oh my God, I fuckin' do don't I?" I say scared of the answer I already know.

"Yes, Charlie!" She admonishes. "Monday is my day, Tuesday is Pinkies, Wednesday is Rarity's, Thursday is with Applejack, Friday is Fluttershy's, and finally Saturday is Rainbows…" She pauses and frowns. "…Maybe. Six out of the seven days a week you will accompany one of the Elements of Harmony to learn all there is to learn about the magic of friendship. As you should know already from yesterday."

I scoff. "Yeah, I know, I was there, idiot. But I thought that was like a once-a-week kinda thing! Like a 12-step program. Not-" I flail my arms in her direction then at the others. "-THIS!"

"Need I remind this beast, Twilight, that should he not follow the commands of the Princess, exactly to the letter, that a cage in the dungeon has his name inscribed just for him?" The armored pony threatens.

I stare at him and shrug. "Okay!" I sit on the floor staring at the broken watch and start whistling. Everyone looks confused.

Spike speaks first with a mouth full of food. "Uhh… What are you doing?"

I pretend to look aloof. "Hmm? Oh I'm waiting for lieutenant pussy lips here to take me to jail. Why? You need something?"

Flash looks unsure as to what to do next and looks over at Twilight. "Uh Do I… do I take him into custody now?"

Twilight looks like she's gonna have a conniption. "NO!" She turns back to me and scowls at me for the first time since I've arrived. "Charlie… I know coming here is the worst thing that has ever happened to you and I'm reminded of it every day. Again, I can't be sorry enough, but you crossed the line this time! You hurt my friends…" She looks like she wants to cry. "So please? Can you please do this? If not for them then for me and stop being such a filly?!" I can see some tears form. Oh, what the fuck…

I shake my head again. "Fucking. Fine. Just stop with the water works already…" I say tiredly. I stand brush off my filthy pants and stare down at her as she tries to stifle some sniffles. I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I'm gonna fuckin' regret this… So, it's fuckin' Pinkie's day I think you said?"

"YAY! ITS PINKIE'S DAY!" The Pink menace screams. I think my ears are bleeding again. "I'm gonna throw the BIGGEST party this side of the Maressisippi!" She starts dancing a jig, but she suddenly stops like she realized something and turns to me making a 'meanie' face. "And you're not invited Mr. Grumpypants. I already tried throwing you a party and you ruined it!" She huffs.

That's right I did ruin her party for me how could I forget. This fuckin' pony followed me around for an entire fuckin' day grilling me about things I like and don't like. She left after I told her 'pleasantly' to go the fuck away which she happily did. It made me suspicious about what she was up to, she gave up way too quickly. After all, I was told Pinkie was the party pony of town and threw one for every newcomer, special event, and if she fuckin' felt like it and I wasn't having it. I followed her back to the bakery the next day and lo and behold she was in the back furiously making pastries and what not. One cake had an exact frosting portrait of myself and knew immediately something had to be done. She left me no choice, officer, I swear! Suffice to say when she left the room I broke in and 'delicately' disposed of her work and signed my name in equestrian with frosting. She never asked me again about a party and I never got one. Never will too.

I scowl. "Yeah, maybe because I didn't want one, retard. You know, like I fuckin' told you a million times!"

She sticks her tongue out at me. "And guess what? Now you're not getting one! Isn't that right Mr. Cake!"

The realization that the Cakes were even here hits me and look over at them. Man, they don't look good. They don't look good at all. Their appearance seemed to deteriorate since yesterday. Looked like they haven't been sleeping either with the bags under their eyes and the messy hair. They look like me in pony form. I've never seen anyone look as afraid as the pair quaking before me. Mrs. Cake is grappling her husband like if she let go she'd fall through the floor. Mr. Cake himself is quite literally shivering from fear. They almost stop moving all together like I was some fuckin' dinosaur who could only see movement.

I shake my head at the pansies and turn back to Twilight. "If it's Pinkie's turn with the Charlie doll then why are they here?"

Spike still chewing what looked like oat cakes speaks up. "They wanted to ask you something." A piece of oat flings onto the table as he speaks making Twilight scrunch her nose in disgust.

"W-we wanted an a-apology…" Mr. Cake actually seemed to dredge up some courage to speak. The raising of my eyebrow was almost enough to make them faint, but he kept going. "Y-you d-destroyed our l-lives! I know t-the Princess gave y-you a verdict already b-but I want to h-hear it from you. J-just something t-to know you d-didn't mean it. T-that somewhere I-I can see t-the pony the Princess thinks you are."

I look back at the others. "Is he fuckin' for real?" I jut a thumb behind me in their direction, laugh before cracking my knuckles to get to work. "Yeah, I'm sorry alright…" He almost looks hopeful. Time to ruin it. "Real sorry I didn't wipe that ugly thing off the map sooner. You know how much of an eyesore that fuckin' place was. Just too much pink for my liking." They both look like they're about to cry. "Oh! And don't even get me started on that ugly cupcake tower! Every time I see it I just gag. It was actual visual roadkill. You should be thankin' me."

"You're a monster!" Mrs. cake screams she starts pulling at her husband to leave. "Let's go, Carrot, we've seen enough. Let's just get back to the twins at the hotel."

The husband solemnly looks down and begins to leave but not before turning to look at me one last time. "I don't know what the Princesses see in you, but I must be blind…" He snarls with a look of genuine hate. A look I know very well and one I haven't seen since getting here. Not like that…

As they're leaving, I give a quiet answer that only Twilight and I could really hear. "I don't know either…" I rub my forehead and turn to Pinkie who looks in shock at what I just did. "Well! What are we doin' today that's so important?"

She looks back at the doorway where the Cakes left and frowns before turning back to me. "You… didn't mean that did you?"

I shrug indifferently. "If I did or didn't doesn't matter. I just don't care."

She frowns further. Even her hair seems to droop. "Flash Sentry will tell you, jerk." Before leaving the same direction as the Cakes in a hurry.

I now stare at the guard uncaring about the feelings I hurt. I'm just racking them up now. "Well! Is someone going to tell me or am I just gonna stand here with my dick in my hand all day?!" I snap impatiently. I look over at Twilight and she looks horrified at what I did. Spike on the other hand is looking at me weird. Conflicted even.

Flash sentry, finally registering what I said, shakes his head. "I guess I will now escort you alone to the Sugurcube Corner as Pinkie has left it to me…" He grimaces.

I scoff. "Outside? Yeah, no. I'm allergic to the cold. Trust me it gives me the shits and it's not pretty. It gets everywhere." The guard looks horrified.

Spike chuckles finishing his meal. "The same way you were allergic to chores, Twilight's class, and anything to have to do with social contact?" He laughs some more. "You're a really sick pony, Charlie." He says studiously and winks. Huh. That was actual sarcasm.

Twilight sighs. "He's joking, Flash."

I roll my eyes. "Fuckin' Narc."

Flash not used to my shenanigans looks at us all weirdly before shaking his head. "Come along and don't do anything stupid." I walk past Twilight who looks like she wanted to say something but decided to keep it to herself. Probably about my comments to the Cake's. Suits me just fuckin' fine I'm not in the mood for it anyways.

Pretty soon we reach the main entrance, and I can already tell it's gonna be fuckin' brutal out there. It wasn't snowing but it may as well have with how windy it was. The hanging Golden Oak Library sign attached by two chains was practically fuckin' horizontal from the gale. I couldn't believe the only warmth I have is this fucking flannel, a thin pair of jeans, and now undersized earmuffs and a scarf. I don't even have gloves and it's like almost in the negatives.

Fuck me, man.

Flash puts on his helmet and without a word opens the door. The cold grips me immediately and I almost turn around to go back to bed. The dark mass from my dreams collects in my memories again and decide against it. We exit into the cold depth of a storm and begin marching through town which was, for the most part uneventful. I will say some snow drifts formed throughout the roads making traversing almost fucking impossible. I wrapped the scarf around my head to protect my ears but hands… Jesus Christ, my hands. They're stuffed in my jean pockets, but it does actually very little in the way of protection. I don't know what's worse the numbness or the stinging.

After what felt like a lifetime of traveling across the Antarctic, we finally arrived at the Sugarcube Corner which looks almost the same it always had been with a few major exceptions. The building itself reminds me of a gingerbread house you'd make in kindergarten but with much more detail. The roof, though covered with snow at the moment, had chocolate colored shingles and frosting lookalike finish along the perimeter making it look edible fitting the theme of the bakery. Pink trimmings adorned much of the traditional 3 story dwelling making it a unique building in an already unique town. The most unique thing about it was the cupcake tower with three candle lights adorning the top which would normally be lit up but not only was id dark but it was covered in snow. I was kinda lying to the Cakes about it being an eyesore earlier, it was actually pretty well made and honestly a positive on the town. I just wanted them out of the room.

Those major exceptions I mentioned earlier was the damage across the building. All the windows looked smashed and only small pieces of scrap wood stop the elements from truly making it be exposed to the weather. All the outside furnishings were gone or at least I think they are. All these lumps in the snow might just be them but they're scattered across the street. The cupcake sign was hanging by a thread barely from the win- And its gone. Mid thought it snaps and falls to the ground sinking into the snow.

Unbelievable. I still can't believe I did this.

Ass Dysentery leads me up the snow-covered steps and instead of a door a piece of some kind of plywood lays haphazardly where an entrance should be. He tries and fails miserably to remove it but the cold makes me impatient. I zoom over, almost slipping, shove him out of the way and pry it open so he could enter. The fucker doesn't hold it for me on the other side like the cock sniff he is of fuckin' course so I awkwardly use my foot as a spacer to keep the bit that isn't nailed down, giving me just enough room to crawl in. I stand finally out of the wind and my jaw drops as I try to warm up my hands.

I'm going to say this now, so you won't have to hear me repeat myself for the rest of the day because I feel like I'm gonna say it a lot.

It. Was. Fucked.

If it could break it was broken. The cases which once housed many delicious deserts are smashed in, its contents flung around the room. The main counter was lopped in two with the register bent and tattered in between both pieces. The peppermint themed column that adorned its side was cracked and sprawled across the floor. The floor has so many fuckin' holes, scratches, and, popped boards it may as well be an obstacle course instead of somewhere you can walk safely. The ladders to help reach the higher shelves were scatter through the room in pieces with the exception of one sticking comically out one of the pink tinted windows. The more you look the worse it gets. The walls? Destroyed. The floor? Gone. The fuckin' ceiling? What ceiling? I mean that literally. There's a support beam laying askew and one side is still wedged somewhat where it should be and the other hangs low almost touching the ground.

I shake my head as the thought of my guts doing the same from the dream hits me. Fuckin' bullshit fuckin' dream. I squat down doing my best to keep myself warm as the yellow shithead inspects the room more thoroughly than myself. I may be inside but as the windows were broken and no one decided having a fuckin' heater in Canadian tier winter weather was a good idea it was almost colder inside than out. I take Spikes scarf and wrap them in my hands. They burn terribly as some warmth is finally delivered to the poor things.

The armor-clad pony sighs walking back to me. "You start here in this room." The cockmunch orders.

I scrunch my nose still shivering. "uh… Start what exactly?"

He smiles as if he's gonna find enjoyment in the next sentence. "You start cleaning!" He laughs smugly.

I gawk at him. "Ex-fuckin-scuse me?"

He walks by the main door bucking the piece of plywood off where is was hanging letting a cold fuckin' breeze hit me just when I thought I was home free. "You are to clean most of the mess inside this bakery to the best of your ability. The larger items will be removed and placed by the street and piled neatly. I don't care if it takes all day, this room will be sparkling by the time you leave today." He looks around one more time before continuing. "I'll be back to check on you throughout the day so I'd better see some progress by the time I return around, I don't know, lunch I suppose." He turns to leave.

I can't believe this. "Well where the fuck are you going!"

"Somewhere warm haha!" He laughs as his visage disappears in the whiteness of the snow.

Un-fucking-believable. That turd burrito left me here. And I gotta clean this shit? By myself? I look over at the mess once more and realize how fucked I am. I'm gonna be here all fuckin' night! HOW THE FUCK AM I-

My hand starts buzzing- no, zapping. I fall to my knees as the pain gets worse. The burning spreads from my arm to my shoulder and finally again to my chest. The episode wasn't as bad as the Perry one but it was close. I turn over and the cold greets me like a swift kick to balls as a hard breeze swirls from the opening.

After I gain somewhat of a composure, I look upon the room once more and sigh. "Where the fuck am I even gonna start...?" I say to myself. As if on cue movement to my right catches my attention and I see a broom and dustpan fall over from the wind and clatter on the floor.

Huh. That's fuckin' convenient.

I was going to just sit here and do nothing but the cold demands I need to move around so I figure cleaning this shit hole may as well at least give me some warmth and get up to grab the broom. But that's when I noticed it. Behind the broom was an old quilt with hearts, cupcakes and whatever else garbage was adorning it but I didn't care that shit looked so warm. I rush over snatching it and swing it over my pathetic body and take in the body heat it allowed me to relish in. Walking around the bakery gave me somewhat of an idea of where to start but something else catches my attention. A kitchen knife was embedded in the wooden counter on the far side where all the goodies were supposed to be.

It gives me an idea. I rush over tosses the quilt to the side and grab the knife and slit a small hole through the center and pop my head through it. There! An honest to god winter poncho. Since the quilt wasn't the biggest as it dangled to about mid ankle which suited me just fine. I should of done this weeks ago with my own blanket at the library but it never dawned on me. As a final measure I adorn the earmuffs and wrap the scarf around my head as I did before. Finally… After weeks of fuckin' torment I had somewhat of a winter outfit. It ain't much nor was it pretty to look at but it was somethin'.

I let out a satisfied sigh. "Now… Where was that broom…"

oOoOo

I'd like to say I was in there for about three hours at this point but who the fuck knows. I decided to ditch the broom for now and that getting the bigger pieces of debris out first would be my first priority. Fuck did that suck. The main counter weighed a fuckin' ton and took me at least an hour to get it to the street. But other than that it was just the same monotonous work. Pick up heavy item, move to street, repeat. God, what I'd give for some music right now. The poncho set up is working great but I will admit not having arm holes is a little awkward sometimes but you're out of your fuckin' mind if you think I'm taking it off. Not in this weather.

Speaking of the wind, it keeps getting stronger making this retarded task even more so. Why the fuck did I go berserk in the middle of winter! Why couldn't it of been in the summer. Sure I'd sweat my balls off but it's better than dying in the cold. I don't even know how many more months of this shit I have left. I know the weather here is fucking ridiculous and I'm not talking about the elements neither.

Apparently, the Weather Control Pegasi are in charge of it. Yeah, you heard me right, the ponies control the fuckin' weather. This place sucks wee wee. I remember the last day of fall too. It was a really nice comfortable 65 and I was loving life. Then these flying shitbirds flew in with some fucked clouds and made the temp drop nearly 40 degrees in a single fuckin' afternoon. Fuckin' bullshit. You gotta give the testies time to marinate! Get used to the cold one degree at a time, not just dive in!

I seem to work for a few hours longer singing songs to make the work more bearable. But the songs would be better with the fellas at my side and a cold one in my hand but we both know that ain't happening again even if I do somehow get home. Then a thought that doesn't feel like my own hits me.

You don't have a home…

The voice irritates me, but it speaks the truth. I really don't. Every home I had I fucked up in one way or another. The old house, the boarding school, even Casper's. Now this fuckin' place hates my guts…

Whatever. I push the thoughts out and sing louder just to distract myself and continue work. Once most of the debris was gone, I was gonna sweep up the little pieces of garbage which included and not limited to: Wood, drywall, tile, cakes, deserts, and pastries all of which was frozen and frost covered much to the delight of my uncovered hands. I started in a smaller section but realized this fucking support beam is gonna be a problem sooner or later. The thing looked so fuckin' sketchy like it was gonna drop it's full weight any moment which gave me enough insight to stay the fuck away from it at all times. As I try to shift around the hazard some frost on the ground causes me to slip and eat shit. I sigh and slowly get up brushing off my poncho. I fuckin' hat-

"Hahaha Having fun yet, Monkey!" a scratchy voice yells behind me making me jump out of my skin knocking me out of my thoughts. My head snaps over at the noise and my mood significantly sours upon seeing who is standing by the doorway with a smug grin. "It sure looks it to me!"

Fucking Rainbow Dash. Fuck me, man.

My eyes narrow not forgetting the scuffle we had yesterday. "What the fuck do you want?" I snarl.

She doesn't look intimidated in the slightest. "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood and I thought I'd check in on my buddy, ol' pal." She looks around nonchalantly seeing most of the room now cleared of devastation for the most part. "I have some wonderful news and I just wanted you to get it first from the source: Miss Awesome." She announces proudly.

My eyes narrow further. Fuck this pony, man. "Oh yeah?" I growl.

She eyes me a second before sharing. "Since I was told yesterday by that egghead that we'd have to, you know, teach you instead of pummeling you like we should… I've been thinking."

I lift my hands to face out of mock surprise and gasp. "The mighty Dash thinking?! Say it ain't so!" I drop my hands down and rest them on my hips before continuing. "I'll contact the papers immediately! The headlines will read 'Cross Eyed Donkey, Rainbow Dash, has a Thought'!"

She scowls at me but doesn't bite the obvious bait. "I thought this was the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me. Being forced to talk and become friends with a monster like you… It's still very bad but I can make the most of it." She waves a dismissive hoof around closing the distance between us. What point is she getting at. "The Princess has given me something that will make this so much better than it has any right to be."

I scoff as she stands a couple feet away. "Hmm And uh… What in the holy fuck might that be, Turdbow?" I scowl down at her while I lean against the broom and sniffle from the cold.

She sports the biggest shit eating grin I've ever seen. "Just this, Perry." She lifts a hoof and quickly stomps down on my fucking foot as hard as she can.

"YOW! WHAT THE FUC- RAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH" My hand explodes like a firework and consumes my whole body. I collapse and my body spasms without my permission and squirm around the floor for some time. When it stops, I look up at the rainbow shitpile laughing. "I'LL FUCKIN' KILL YO- AHHHHGGGG STOOOOOOOOOOP!"

The pain. Oh, the fuckin' pain. I feel like a strip of bacon sizzling. My vision starts to fade, my lungs, burn, my hand just doesn't exist anymore. I couldn't tell you how long the electric circus lasted but fuck it felt never ending. Finally, the zaps halt their assault leaving me panting trying to catch my breath. I feel hot liquid run down my face and side of my head and a migraine takes hold of me.

"As long as you're in my town, my home, you're under my jurisdiction, buster." She scolds. I just barely hear the muffled voice of the Pegasus in front of me. I weakly lift my head and stare at the cyan blob encapsulating my vision. "You may be able to walk around free like nothing happened but you're not free in my book, Ape." She chuckles. "Oh, I'm gonna have so much fun with this! See you tomorrow, loser!" She calls out and with that I hear flapping of wings and she's gone.

I laid there on my back for some time just breathing in and out. My heart feels like it's beating irregularly and I feel funny. Like almost sic- I turn over and vomit on the floor feeling the nausea hit me very suddenly. Fuck me, man, I'm gonna have to clean that. I rub my nose feeling some hot and wet and look at my fingers. Blood. Fucking blood. I'm starting to get very worried about this fuckin' mark now. The shocks have been annoying since I got it but it's starting to get dangerous. Like end my fuckin' life dangerous.

A familiar voice fills my ears. "You're not sleeping on the job are y- By Celestia what happened!" I hear some hoofsteps come closer and Flash enters my vision. He actually looks kinda worried. "Charlie, can you hear me?"

I weakly move my hand and push his snout away from me. "I'm fine… Just had an accident… is all."

He huffs when he notices some of my bean juice got on him and tries rubbing it out of his fur. He then looks around the room impressed. "Huh. You know when I left the barracks, I actually thought you would of just sat here and did nothing but it actually looks rather good in here. Now I owe Spike some bits…" I couldn't help but wheeze a chuckle knowing Spike weaseled some money out of this bastard cause of me.

I sit up using the quilt to wipe the blood off me more effectively. "Yeah, well what the fuck else was I gonna do? Fuckin' sit here and freeze?"

I look over at the room and you know what? I did a good job. Don't get me wrong it's still a shit show in here but now it looks like a sparkling shit show. All the useless debris, with the exception of the support beam, has been all cleared. Throughout the room are neatly swept piles of garbage that can now easily be thrown in trash cans if I had them. Without all the furnishings and counters the room looks so empty. Like abandoned Chicago house kind of empty.

He hums at my statement and looks over at me. "I was here to tell you that you must stay longer but I think you did a good enough job. You can head back to the library now. I'll see you tomorrow."

He turns to leave but I scoff making him pause. "So, what are you supposed to be exactly?" He looks confused. "My babysitter? You just gonna follow me around week after week until I'm saved as the Princess may put it?"

His eyes narrow. "As long as you act like a foal then yes, I guess I am this 'babysitter' you claim me to be."

I chuckle and get myself off the floor. "Well, if that's the case then you're going to be watching me for a very, very, very, very long time, dumb ass. We're gonna get very acquainted and you want to know why?" He shakes his head unsure if he wants to hear it. "I never learn my lesson. So yes, I will see you tomorrow… and the next day, and the day after that, and the next day…" He looked horrified. I pat his back a couple of times before walking away continuing my 'next day rant' until he was out of view.

As soon as I got outside, I knew it had to be really late in the day. The sun was setting and the orange streaks of fire scattered across the sky was quickly disappearing. The wind had least calmed down enough, but the cold is still has some bite to it. I can't wait to get into bed. My bones ache, my headache is at its peak, I can't feel my toes, and I just want something to eat. I want to sleep but not really. My dreams seem to think sleep is for the weak and I'll happily agree if it means I won't have to see that dark shithead again. The walk back should have been uneventful, but I was so deep in thought I wasn't looking and accidentally bump into Someone I fall into the snow, eating shit AGAIN!

A mare's voice fills my ears. "Oof! Sorry mister I didn't see you there!" I sit up and stare at this grey pegasus pony in a postman's uniform. I was gonna say something really uncouth like, but I notice her eyes. She has the worst pair of lazy eyes I've ever seen. She'd give Pee-Wee a run for his money. Poor thing. "I'm so sorry I've got a lot more delivery's to… make…"

She falters as I stand at my full height and look down at her. She finally figures out who I am but just stares. To her credit she doesn't run or scream so she's already getting some brownie points from me. To my right was a small envelope looking box that she must have dropped and I walk over and pick it up. To my surprise I can make out Library in the gibberish. Twilight's lessons are actually working for the most part it seems even though they're boring as sin. I look over at the mare who still has an entire satchel filled with letters and other parcels slowly swaying in the wind. I was gonna yell at her to 'keep your fucked eyes on the road' but she looks so fuckin' innocent with them big dumb ol' globes.

I finally sigh realizing I'm gonna regret this. "It's fine, really. It's windy out here and I'm a big target. I'll tell you what though." I shake the package. "I'm headed to the Library already so if you have any other packages, I'll deliver it for ya so you can get out of this cold quicker. How's that sound?" She looks at me confused and starts thinking. A chilling breeze seems to make up her mind and she drops her bag sticking her snout in it pulling out a handful of contents with her mouth and hands them to me.

She still looks unsure and cocks her head. "Are you sure?"

Still resisting the urge to snap I just sigh. "Yeah, I'm sure. Just be careful out here, idiot." I say tiredly.

The postmare gives a small smile and floats up using her wings and flies down the road hitting a mailbox before turning a corner. Unbelievable. Why did I do that. I look down at the all the items and sigh. Oh well, my one good deed for my life I suppose. Fuck it. Fuck it all.

I turn around the corner and the tall oak tree greets me, and I sigh in relief. Near the outskirts of the northern part of town is this monstrous tree the locals made a building out of. Just so we're clear I'm not talking about the lumber from it I'm being literal here. The living tree is hollow on the inside allowing the residents to easily build inside a public library. A tree of knowledge. Huh. The library has been one of the good things to come out of this whole thing. I'll never tell Twilight this but it's the best place I've ever lived bar none. And if anyone tells her I said this I'll deny it.

I quickly march up the steps kick the door open and slam it behind me. I then take one step into the library only to collapse from the apparent exhaustion. The parcels and letters fray themselves all over the foyer and all I can do is just watch weakly. I just face plant and lay there like a slug.

I hate this shit.

I hear some footsteps come around from the main room. "Hello? Is somepony ther-" it was Twilight. I could hear her gasp and rushes over. "Charlie? Are you okay?"

I weakly lift my head to see her staring at me with worry she gasps again when she sees my face. "Just peachy…"

"You look terrible…" She coos.

I sigh and flip over on my back. "How about you be useful and tell me something I don't know…" I pull off Spike's earmuffs and scarf letting lose my crazy knotted hair and unkempt beard.

She frowns and sits down nearby. She stares at me for a few seconds longer using magic a rag comes out of nowhere and starts dabbing my face. I was too tired to really do anything to stop it but I don't think I would've even if I could. It felt nice.

I feel my eyelids slowly begin to shut and I was out like a light.

OoOoO

I watch as the exhausted creature before me snores softly the minute the warm dinner towel massaged his forehead. He was absolutely filthy. His face was grimy from sweat, dust, and dried blood. His wavy brown mane had debris and what looked like little twigs sticking out show just how long he'd gone without grooming. He had bags underneath his beady blue eyes now closed so he hasn't been sleeping that's for sure. He had an odor that honestly wasn't pleasant at all. The poor stallion hadn't been taking care of himself at all since he got here and it's starting to show. It's funny. He was actually pretty well groomed when he arrived too. Short and well-maintained mane, nice clean clothes… It's almost like he just gave up. Like it didn't matter.

I sigh. "Rarity is gonna lose it tomorrow when she sees you like this…"

The human grumbles at my observation clearly not lucid. "Be quiet… Wally…" He snores some more.

This causes me to frown further. Wally. That wasn't the first time I've heard that name. He talks a lot in his sleep. Sometimes I can hear him screaming down the hall most of it nonsense but a few names he'll scream the most over and over. Like Wally…

I hear Spike walk up behind me. "Is he alright?" I hear him quietly.

"You know the answer to that already, Spike." I say sadly. "C'mon. Help me get him to bed."

I feel my magic tug on him but it does take a lot more energy than a book that's for sure. Spike grabs one of his arms and starts tugging on it to the interior of the library where he can hopefully get some rest for tomorrow.

Spike looks like he wants to throw up. "Twilight he really reeks… We need to get him in a bath."

I was gonna say something along the lines of 'I know' but a thought comes to my head. I give a devilish smile. "Hey Spike? How would you like to accompany Charlie tomorrow to Rarity's?" The baby dragon couldn't mod his head fast enough at that. "Then here's what you gotta do. You-" I start whispering in his ear in case Charlie wasn't snoring for real.

With each syllable Spike's smile mimics mine. "That's good, Twilight. I'll tell Rarity for sure!"