Galvanized Emotion

by Uictoriam Ducere

Charlie has been called many things in his life. A criminal, a thug, and now a deadman. Awakening in a world filled with headache inducing magic ponies who drive him crazy was the last thing he expected. He must now learn to keep his temper in check to stay on their good side as they are the only ones who can bring him home. Being murdered though, makes that kind of difficult… AU

12. Act 1: Phantom Pain in the Butt

Chapter 12: Phantom Pain in the Butt

"The ghosts of things that never happened are worse than the ghosts of things that did."

-L.M. Montgomery, Emily's Quest

Charlie POV

"We shall see thee again, Charlie…" The words echo in my mind as I feel myself stir awake. I almost have enough time to fully understand the meaning behind it, but then it hits me.

Pain. The entire right side of my body is flaring in pain. The kinda pain that only gets worse as time goes on. Christ on a stick, it feels like I've been set on fire and then pissed on to be put out.

What the fuck happ- Oh… Oh yeah…

Twilight's Class, fuckin' Flash being a dick hole, lunch with the band of mental rejects, and of course the fuckin' hat. The episode in the kitchen begins to play in my mind reminding me that I fuckin' exploded like it was 1945 all over again. Great. Just great, now I have to fuckin' worry about blowing up now. That's exactly what I needed…

The memory of the multicolored mare holding the hat over a flame replay in my mind making me grumble in agitation. Fuckin' Rainbow… She better watch herself because she almost just made it the top of my shit-to-kill list in record fuckin' time. I'll get payback for that, I assure you. I don't know how or when, but it will come.

The last thing I truly remember is raising my arms up in rage and then darkness.

No, wait… I'm wrong, not darkness. There was something else before I awoke. What the fuck was it?

Music? Yeah, I remember hearing music. It sounded like an entire orchestra all playing a piece that just screamed melancholy and destruction, like nothing mattered. Or was that what I was feeling?

Then a visage appeared in the place of darkness. I was standing in an opera house and a conductor's podium was separating me and rows upon rows of different instruments floating about, being played by no one. I remember the brass and the strings were building up to a grand finish while a resounding deep drum beat in anticipation as flames spewed all around me like an inferno. As the ghost orchestra reaches its conclusion, laughter replaces the noise. A kind of laughter that holds no sanity whatsoever. Pretty soon that too dies and the growling of the fire was all that remained, and darkness consumes me once more.

The dream, I guess you could call it, didn't quite feel like it was happening. It was over as fast as it came. The next thing I remember is hearing that cock sucker Flash making a snide remark which I was pathetically able to give a response. However, my snark wasn't able to keep me together for very long. I don't know if it was the pain or the loss of the stupid hat, but I felt something after I sat up that I didn't like at all.

Sorrow and disappointment. I just couldn't shake it. I don't know where it came from or who it was directed at, as it consumed every ounce of me even as I laid upstairs in bed. Fluttershy seemed to notice just as Flash left and asked me if I was okay, but I just dismissed her entirely. Thankfully she was too busy with my wounds to really press me further about it. Even more thankful that she left me alone without a fuss as well. It's hard enough as it is to get sleep around here and I really didn't need some worrywart creepily staring at me while I sleep. Like Twilight for instance.

I feel myself frown as I remember what happened right before I fell asleep.

"You know, I think I finally figured you out," I hear it echo in my mind once more.

That voice sounded so familiar… Where the fuck have, I heard that before? That couldn't have been real. Just a delusion from the pain, right? It had to be I fell unconscious almost imedia-

My mind suddenly shifts to a newer development that I completely forgot about and some part of me really wishes I did. The fuckin' royal cunts invading my mind like it was a Day's inn. If there was anything left that resembled privacy in my fucked life, then it was shattered along with my patience for Celestia and her shit. Who the fuck does she think she is? Coming at me in my own mind like I left a key under the doormat. What the fuck, man, I can't believe this shit. My fuckin' dreams have been a fuckin' nightmare (go figure) as it is. Now, I have to worry about the flying Gavone sisters every time I get some shut eye? What a sick joke…

Some movement on my right side breaks me out of my thoughts. Fuckin' Spike, man… Can I not have some fuckin' privacy to myself?!

My heavy eyelids slowly begin to open as the ceiling comes into focus, albeit rather slowly. I see some small rays of light shoot over my head letting me know that it is, at the very least, mid-morning. Better than waking up at the ass crack of dawn, I guess…

The movement happens again and as I was about to yell at the little shit, but I notice something strange.

Warmth. I feel heat radiating on my side and it ain't from the burns that's for sure. I know what you're thinking that it's Spike laying on my side using me for heat like always, but there's a problem with that thought. He's fuckin' cold blooded. The fucker is cold to the touch and it's why I hate it when he fuckin' curls up on me in WINTER!

With great effort, I slowly lift my head, making pain shoot down my neck, and look over at the source of the heat. I blink at what I see.

What the actual fuck?

Fuckin' Twilight is snuggled up on me, basically filling the space between my arm and my side, sound asleep. She had my quilt somewhat wrapped around her, but it stretched over and around the chair that was crammed right against the bed that Fluttershy used yesterday. She had a soft smile on her face as she softly blew air out of her nose making the ruffled hair, that was laying ungraciously over her snout, slightly move.

…Fuck you.

I try lifting my arm, but it heeds not my calls for retaliation as it feels too stiff from pain to move. Of course, she's laying on my bad side. I slam my head back into the pillow in frustration, but all this did was cause her to snuggle closer, making my burns flare in pain as heat covers them.

"t-twilight…" My throat feels dry.

She doesn't move.

I cough to get some of my voice back and try again. "Twilight."

Again nothing. Fuck this man…

"TWILIGHT!"

"Gwah! It is preposterous that you all forgot your Pogo sticks!" She freaked out shooting upwards looking around for her imaginary crowd she was berating and turns around growing a confused expression, as she doesn't know where she is. "whuu…"

"Sleep well, sunshine?" I ask in a mockingly cheerful voice. Her head snaps down to me and where she was positioned, "Was it good for you too? I know it was for me." I make kissy face at her.

She looks between me and the chair before her face lights up like a Christmas tree. "I-I-I-"

"You-you-you-" I scoff as I roll my eyes, "Just get the fuck off me, snuggle-rella."

She pretty much all but dives at the chair like it meant life or death and looked at me warily like I could even do anything if I wanted to. I lay my head back on the pillow and stare at the ceiling and heave a tired sigh. At least I got her off me. I shut my eyes to go back to sleep as I don't feel rested at all, and I could really use some mor-

"Oh! Thank Luna's moon! You're awake!" She yelps making me groan in exasperation.

I feel my good hand rub my forehead at the mention of Moonie and look over at her, "You don't fuckin' say? You know, I really thought I was dreaming again, but now that you stated the obvious I can fuckin' rejoice knowing that this is indeed reality. What would I do without you..."

Her face twists to resignation and rubs her forehead, "You're awake…" She says again, less enthused before looking back up at a clock checking the time and turns back to me tiredly. "You've been out for almost an entire day."

I scoff as my good arm comes up to itch my nose, "And what? You used that as your chance grind on me like I was your pleasure stick? You fuckin' pervert."

Her face lights up again, "N-no I-I-" She looks at the chair and where she was a moment ago and sighs, "I must have crawled over sometime in the middle of the night…" She says more for herself than to me. She looks back over to me with a growing look of concern as she gazes at my arm. "I'm going to regret asking you this, but how… How are you feeling?"

"Like a fuckin' rainbow," I snarl and lay my head back down, burning a hole in the ceiling.

I hear her sigh again, "Yeah, I figured that would be your answer."

I give a small, tired laugh. "Then why'd you ask, dip shit. Fucking Rainbow Dash…"

"Well, if it's any consolation, Rainbow is temporarily banned from the library," she says, but I can tell she isn't too pleased about it. "So, this shouldn't happen again."

I glare at her, "Can you ban her from breathing as well? Just to be sure?"

She frowns, "That's not funny, Charlie."

"Who the fuck said I was joking?"

She uses both of her hooves to rub her eyes like she's trying to hold herself back. "Charlie, I need you to promise me something," She looks up at me with pleading eyes, "I need your word that you won't go after her because I know that's exactly what you're going to do."

My eye's narrow, "I ain't promising you shit! She's going to be counting her fuckin' days as they are now numbered! She's-"

"Charlie!" Her eyes actually narrow back at me making me pause, "She. Is. My. Friend." She actually snarls. "I won't stand here and listen to you threaten her life. She messed up, I know, but let us handle it. It's better this way."

I feel air blow out my nose, "Like you handled her fuckin' yesterday?! She almost killed me!"

She dons a look I'd only seen on Celestia, "Then I'd say, you're now about even with her."

"What are you-" I stop myself as a memory I don't recognize plays in my head.

I was in the center of town.

Snow fell silently, however the town seemed to be in a fear filled frenzy. I'm looking down at an unconscious Rainbow Dash and I feel hatred fill me but not for the mare herself. Screams could be heard all around me, but one voice in particular resounded behind me.

"Charlie! Please listen to me!" I hear Twilight beg. "Please stop this! You're going to kill her!"

I feel my face somewhat twitch in confliction at her words and some regret fills my mind. I suppress the feeling as my rage was stronger and lift a broken off mailbox over my head to swing down like a club at an unconscious Rainbow Dash for a final time.

Before the deed could be done a resounding voice boom overhead.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" I gaze up to see Celestia fly down charging her magic.

A beam of energy shoots down at me, but thankfully the mailbox I had taken the brunt of the attack, blowing apart, and knocking me back a ways.

I blink as the memory ends. I almost… I shake my head out of the thought and stare at Twilight who's still waiting for a response, albeit with a little confusion because of my sudden silence.

I feel my face twist into disgust, "What the fuck ever, Twilight… I have more important shit to deal with than having a hate boner for her." I have one for someone else who requires it a lot more.

She laments at my uncaring demeanor, "I guess that's the best I'll get out of you, Charlie…" She then stares at me and her facial features shift to something akin to studying.

"Can I help you?" She bites her lip like she wants to ask me something, "I swear to Christ, Twilight, if you keep looking at me like I'm one of your weird petri dishes I'm gonna make a coat out your skin."

To my surprise she doesn't flinch at my very real threat, "I just… You can take it out on me instead."

I feel my eyebrows shoot up, "Da fuck does that mean?"

She looks down, "I know why you act the way you do, it's because I brought you here," She pauses, and her eyes flick up at me for a moment to catch my confused face before continuing. "You've been taking all your anger out on everypony except for the one who made you so upset. I think that if you had your moment with the mare that semi-ruined your life, you'd feel a little better."

My head slightly shakes as I'm taken aback by her ridiculous request, "Where the fuck is this coming from?"

She doesn't look at me, "I know you hate me and that there's nothing I can do to make that change, because believe me, I tried," She finally looks at me fully with little, small tears forming, "So just please take it out on me. I'm the one at fault here, not them! I deserve it…" She looks back down at the covers in shame.

For the second time in the span of like 5 minutes, I blink in bewilderment at Twilight and her actions.

I feel my face go blank, "…For the record, you're not the cause of my anger," I start, her face falls into confusion of her own, "Do I find being here incredibly inconvenient? Abso-fuckin'-lutley. But I assure you, the way I act is not because of you."

She starts to stutter like she doesn't believe what she's hearing, "I-I have to be the reason! There's no other logical conclusion to why you act the way you do around us! You're mad because you're here! Because I dragged you from your home!" She shakes her head, "I don't understand… If you're not mad at me then what is it?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that this is just who I am? Who I was born to be? Just an angry unlovable piece of shit who's gonna get what's coming to him in the end? That there isn't a single redeemable thing about me?" Her look falters some, "I guess fuckin' not… let me tell you now, stop fucking looking for something that ain't there, Now leave me alone." Just as she was about to say something that I could tell was going to be another question, I cut her off, "Twilight, I really don't feel like playing pin the tail on the Charlie right now. I'm hurting all over and I'm exhausted so just leave so I can get some more sleep."

"But-"

"Just get the fuck away from me! Why?! WHY CAN'T YOU SHITS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE LIKE I WANT?!" I feel my hand buzz but overall I'm in too much pain to even feel it honestly.

She recoils at my outburst. If fear wasn't ever so present in her features, I'd think she'd look hurt. The only sound left in the room was my out-of-breath huffing from the yelling. It took her a moment as it looked like she wanted to say something else, but it seemed she thought against it as she silently got up, walked over to the door and left without saying a word. The door clicks shut leaving me alone in the room.

"Fuckin' finally, some peace and fuckin' quiet." I say as a small yawn escapes me.

I can't believe her. Trying to protect that shithead. I mean, I guess I get it to a degree, Bill was a shithead too and look where that got me. None of this would be a problem if they all just left me alone, but I know that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

I sigh as I think about the Rainbow situation again. What the fuck am I gonna do? 'Let her handle it' Twilight says. I blow some air out of my nose at the thought. Like they can fuckin' reel her in any more than they have been. She's been on my ass since we met and now with this mark that technicolored nightmare is going to be the second death of me.

I frown at the thought. I wonder where I'll end up next… Maybe a world of talking tomatoes and cucumbers who want me to stick them up my ass or something just as convoluted. I don't know much about resurrection, but I am so fuckin' tired of this second chance shit. I ain't Jesus, so I should have just stayed dead like I'm supposed to be…

"You always were a tough pigheaded prick. I'd lie if I said I wasn't gonna miss ya…"

Flash…

Darkness…

I flinch at the flash like it was happening all over again as I feel my heart thump like a goosestepping German. I could feel the sudden flare of pain and then… nothing. All because of him. Fear is quickly replaced with anger.

No, I'm wrong. Rage.

That fuckin' cocksucker. None of this would be a problem if I just told him to go fuck himself all them years ago. You think you know a guy after 15 years of pulling him out of fires, brawls, and whatever fuckin' else that piece of shit would get me into, and I did it without question! Fuck! I did it happily! What do I get for all that unwavering loyalty in return? To be thrown out for that fat fuckin' meatball Paulie?!

I'm rewarded with shocks for my mental instability. Go fuckin' figure.

When the small episode ends, I just heave a sigh, "What a joke and I'm the fuckin' punchline." I whisper to myself. "I just want to know why. WHY?! What was the cost of killing your best friend and getting everyone all-" I shake my head, trying my damnedest to scare the thought away and I scowl up at the ceiling.

Bill… Paulie… You're both fuckin' dead, you just don't know it yet.

The urge to yawn snaps me out of my little moment and the feeling of weariness begins to take over my body. I sigh as I shut my eyes, "You know what? I think some good quality rest will do me some good…"

My mind starts to go blank as I begin to fall back asleep not realizing how fucked the next couple of weeks were gonna be and how little my rest would resolve.

If anything, they made my problems even worse…

Two Weeks Later

Wednesday

"Dear, can you please stop moving! This is very delicate work and you're making it impossible to focus!" Rarity chides as a sowing needle threaded with string flies down to the test garment, she'd been using to work on for me.

"Well stop pricking me then, ya prick head!" I use my free hand to pull at my collar as it was a little warm inside to be wearing as much fabric as I was. "I don't understand why I even have to fuckin' wear this itchy thing while you're doing this anyways… This isn't even a shirt I can fuckin' wear! What's the point of this?!"

She huffs, "Because I don't understand your dimensions yet. You're very different than any other pony I've done work on before, so this test garment will help me later when I fix what you consider unattractive," The needle enters the seam and starts poking through the other side. "So, darling, if you could please stay still, this will be done in no time at all."

"You said that like fuckin' 40 minutes ago…" I suppress the urge to yawn as I'm stuck in a kind of t-pose due to the test garment. "What the fuck could possibly be taking so long to-OW!"

I glare at the seamstress who holds a smug expression. "Oops! My hooves slipped!" She quips as I know for a fact, she did that one on purpose.

I point a finger at her, "Fuck. You."

Spike giggles on his makeshift seat of pillows nearby. "You look like a scarecrow!" He snickers at my plight.

"Go choke on an uncircumcised dick, Spike," He blows a raspberry at me in response.

She pricks me again causing me to glare daggers at her, "Language! There are foals in the room," Who does she fuckin' think she is? Granny Smith? "But honestly, Charlie, if I'd known how much trouble you'd have given me to make you a new set of clothes I never would have offered."

"Offered? I fuckin' had to slave away my evenings so you'd have enough time to do this shit! Fuckin' offered she says… Do you know how fuckin' cold I've been with only one full pant leg and no shirt this past week?!" I shake my head pissed just thinking about the rags I've been wearing in the middle of goddamn winter.

"You are a full-grown Stallion for Celestia's sake, Charlie, the least you can do is act like it. And for your information, I patched those ugly things you call bottoms already so you can stop your caviling," She tugs my arm up with her magic, "Now, be quiet and hold still I'm almost done…" I groan as she continues her sowing.

I look over at the eyesore you could call a shirt I'd been wearing for the last week with distaste as it hangs by the mirror of her display room. The shoulders look ridiculous as they are too squared making me look like a 1920s mobster boss while wearing it. Spikes been busting my balls about it since last week, callin' me 'shoulder blades' and I'm fuckin' over it. It also looked like she tried mimicking the plaid pattern, but somehow the straight lines are wavy. Don't ask me how, they just are. The color is ridiculous too! How yellow is a primary color I'll never understand.

I fuckin' look like John Lennon wearing the stupid thing. The only way I'd keep it is if it made me go out the same way he did sometime soon…

But that's fuckin' Rarity for you. Nothing can just be normal with her. She just has to add some fuckin' pizazz to everything she does or so I learned the last week of working my fingers to the bone. I've never met a more melodramatic Prima Donna in my entire fucking life, dude. Like yesterday for instance, she nearly fainted because I told her silk was overrated and I hated the feeling of it. Fuckin' disgusting.

Anyways, the complaining she's talking about is the 'flair' of my prototype shirt since I saw the fuckin' thing. She urged that it was mandatory for its creation, but finally relented after I started walking around shirtless and threatened to go pant-less as well. Hopefully this new one looks normal, but I guess I can't really bitch that much if I'm being honest. After all she did insist, she'd make me a new outfit after seeing me looking like an extra from the Walking Dead about four days after the incident much to my protests.

Spike just said to let it happen and that's its easier than refusing her offer. Apparently, when Rarity wants to do something there's little anyone can do to stop it much to my dismay.

Staring by the mirror I notice something even more distasteful than the shirt. That being my absolute shit show of a dead animal that was my hair as I gaze my reflection. The burned areas luckily healed for the most part and hair started growing back slowly, however, the patchy spots made me look like I'd been eating paint chips for fun in a cardboard box. I've seen crack addicts around south end look more presentable than this.

My beard was in even more shambles than my hair. More than half of my thick mustache was nonexistent and my right cheek, where long hair should be, was all but clean shaven it seemed. Some stubble finally started to grow back, but in all honesty, it only made it worse. I suppress another urge to tug on it as I don't feel like being stabbed by Patricia Bateman over here…

At least the burns are all but gone… With the help of that aloe shit Fluttershy gave me they healed in a manner that I'd call miraculous. I was up out of bed like three days, but don't tell Twilight that. I kinda kept up the 'oh my aching body' act for about two days longer than I needed. Anything to get me away from these ponies, dude.

My eyes shift from my hair to my own face all together making me frown.

God… I look fuckin' terrible. The bags under my eyes have only gotten worse since the last time I looked which makes sense given how I've been sleeping as of late. Also, my weight loss has been getting worse it seems considering it looks like my eyes are about a midget's cunt hair away from starting to sink into my skull. I guess I should start eating more again despite just not having the appetite to do so. I don't know, I just haven't been real hun-

"Aw yeah! These chocolate chip cookies are delicious!" A very annoying dragon all but screams.

Speaking of fucking food…

I hear Spike's lips smack obnoxiously making me look over at the dragon who's stuffing his face with cookies, wrapped in my quilt. I glare with contempt. I can't believe the little shit is getting crumbs on my only suitable piece of 'clothing' I fuckin' own. It's bad enough it's been an absolute fuckin' warzone between him and Twilight lately, but he's been following me almost every day just to get away from the crazed mare which has been driving me coo coo for cocoa puffs. If I'm being honest though, I can't really fuckin' blame him, things have been heated between the two as of late. Just fuckin' leave me out of it, is that too much to fuckin' ask…?

I sigh thinking about those two. I don't even want to get started about the shitshow back at the library right now, fuckin' feels like I'm 7 again with all that shouting…

Sweetie Belle was next to the dragon, who was still gorging, watching her sister work silently, but she looked a little glum about something. Not that it's my problem, I've got one fuckin' rugrat to worry about already, I'm not about to add another one to the mix.

The filly finally sighs. "Rarity, are you sure we have to leave today? I hate the train ride to Canterlot…"

Rarity stops sowing and looks to her sister. "Of course, we do, Sweetie, I have a very important client who asked for me specifically!" She snips a piece of loose string, "We should be back by 8:00 at the latest."

The small unicorn groans. "Ugh that's like forever from now!" She slumps onto the table. "It's so boring when you have clients at Canterlot. You won't let me go exploring and I just sit there and watch paint dry, Rarity! I just don't want to go…"

"Oh hush, the sooner I finish with Mr. Picky here, the sooner we'll be home." She glances at the clock that read 10:34. "My meeting is at 3:30 so we should have been at the station by now to leave. I don't want to be late, especially for Fancy Pants."

The filly groans again. "Why Fancy Pants? His house is soooooooo boring! I haaaaaate it!" She whines as she rolls around on the floor in a circle. She wasn't throwing a tantrum just slowly rolling. I quirk an eyebrow, amused by her shenanigans.

"No buts, missy." She seemed to finish what she was doing with my sleeve and floated a bunch of material into a box, closing it as the filly was still groaning melodramatically.

Spike looks between the two with his mouth full before swallowing his cookie, "You know, Rarity, Charlie could watch her till you get home. I don't think he'd mind."

Da fuck did he say?

Before I could destroy Spike with my mind, Sweetie Belle started bouncing in excitement. "Oh oh! Yeah! Charlie can watch us! You wouldn't mind right?" She looks up at me with two pools of hopeful excitement.

Rarity looked at the two youngin's like they lost their minds and I join her. "Absolutely not! That is the worst idea I think I've heard from you two in a long time. Charlie is too belligerent to take care of a filly," She flinches a little and turns to me, realizing she said it out loud, "No offense…"

"No, I agree with you!" I look over at Spike and scowl. "Why the fuck would you even suggest that? Have you been huffing computer duster when I haven't been looking?"

"Whats a computer…"

I sigh. "Never fuckin' mind," I look at the two before finally putting my hands on my hips. "Even if I was allowed, there is no fuckin' way I'm gonna do that. So, forget about it!"

A bell ringing knocked us out of our argument as the front door opened letting a cold breeze come through. I turn and quirk an eyebrow as I recognize someone at the entrance. It was that Mailmare with the fucked eyes that gave me that muffin. What the fuck was her name…

"Uh… Hello? Anyone here?" She asks softly.

I notice a small head of a unicorn filly pop out behind her that looked incredibly similar to her. Same blonde looking mane and a similar gray coat, but I could see a tinge of purple mixed in.

"Oh no… I forgot to turn the sign around." Rarity laments, she looks at the clock and bite her hooves no doubt worried about being late for her train before walking over, "How can I help you, Ditzy Doo?"

Ditzy Doo! That was it.

"Oh! Hi, Rarity! It's been a while!" She gleams.

Rarity gives her a smile, "Did the strap for your mail bag break again? You can just set it by the worktable over there, I'm sure I'll find time tonight when I return from Canterlot."

Ditzy shakes her head and her eyes bounce around like they were googly eyes, "No, your last patch job worked great! I'm actually here for Dinky Doo." She turns down to the filly and nuzzles her affectionately. "She lost her favorite hat, and I was wondering if we could buy a new one. She wanted to play in the snow today with some of her friends, but I can't let her without a hat. She'll catch a cold."

Rarity looked back at the racks with a wary face and looked up at the clock. "All filly attire are custom tailored to fit and requires at least two hours of work I'm afraid." She sighs and turns her head back, "I'm sorry, Ditzy, I have a train to catch, and I was about to close the shop. I'll be sure to get back to you tomorrow sometime."

She looks down sadly and turns to filly who shrank at the news, "I'm sorry, Dinky, maybe we can make those snow angels tomorrow. I'm sure the others will want to play again!" The gray filly sadly huffs as they turn back around to head towards the exit leaving a very conflicted looking Rarity who was about to say something.

At this point I notice Sweetie Belle looking between myself and Rarity before she literally jumps as tall as I am as if she just had a breakthrough.

"I can do it, Rarity!" She shouts making the pair turn around. "I've been making garments with you for months; a filly cap is nothing! Let me stay home with Charlie and we'll get it done no problem!"

Rarity shakes her head, "Sweetie Belle, we talked about this. I don't trust you alone with him."

"Charlie?" Ditzy walks a little closer and her eyebrows lift up, realizing that she was referring to me. "Oh! It's you!" While my arms are a little preoccupied being sowed to my sides, she shamelessly flies over and gives me a hug, nuzzling my neck. "I never thanked you in person for helping me! Did you like your muffin?"

Everyone freezes at her gesture like it was an act against God. Spike nearly falls over my quilt and hides behind a chair thinking the mare is about to implode any second while Rarity starts stuttering like a madwoman. I don't fuckin' blame em either, I don't like being fuckin' touched as some of them have learned already. The only one who actually smiles at the sight was Sweetie Belle like she knew something the others didn't. As I open my mouth to yell at her, I get a tongue full of hair silencing my incoming bereavement.

Disgusting.

I shake my head to free myself a little, "Yeah. It was fuckin' delicious, now get off me." I snarl, but to my surprise the gray mare didn't flinch still hugging me.

"If it wasn't for you, I would have had to work that entire weekend to make up the deliveries!" she finally let's go and stares at me with happy eyes. "I don't know what I would've done as there was no one to watch my little Dinky, but you really saved me there!"

"It was just some stupid packages…" I rolled my eyes when she didn't let go still, "You're fuckin' welcome I guess, now get away from me before I eviscerate you with your own legs."

The disabled donkey giggles at me, "You're a funny pony, mister." She looks back at Rarity and Sweetie Belle, "I guess we'll try again tomorrow… Have a safe trip, Rarity!" She exclaims as she ungracefully flutters back to her pouting foal and turn to leave.

Rarity looks between me and the mare like she was in the Twilight Zone but grows a conflicted expression seeing the pair leave.

Sweetie Belle nudges her sister to get her attention, "Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeee! I promise we'll be good!" She squeals making me wince. "Dinky would love you for it!" She puts on sparkling eyes that would put Puss in Boots out of work.

Rarity sighs and turns to the leaving pair "Ditzy Doo, wait…" The mental rejects turn around with hopeful expressions. "Sweetie Belle can tailor you a new cap while I'm away."

I can't fuckin' believe this, "WHAT! You were on my fuckin' side, traitor!" The fashionista sighs again before turning to me making me scowl as I know what she's gonna ask. "NO! Don't even fuckin' think about it!"

"Can you please watch Sweetie Belle while I'm away, Charlie?" Rarity gives me pleading eyes as they start to sparkle.

"I told you fuckin' no!"

Sweetie Belle joins her gaze to overpower me.

"Stop it!"

Dinky and Ditzy join the ranks as I start to feel like a German at Stalingrad, fuckin' surrounded.

"Arrgh Fuckin' fine!" I rub my head in frustration, "Fuck! You fuckin' ponies are migraine inducers, I swear!"

"YIPPEEEE!" Sweetie practically all but explodes in excitement upon learning that her trip to Caterlot was canceled. "YES! YES! YES! THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER!" I wince as she literally shrieks like a banshee.

"Now, Sweetie Belle, this isn't a slumber party with your friends, this is work" She chides before turning to me. "And Charlie, I want to talk to you at your desk…" her eyes narrow, "in private."

I turn to Rarity as I tug on the weird sack thing. "Are we fuckin' done here then?"

The seamstress sighs and nods, "I'll have to finish another day it seems. At least you have the other more unique tunic."

"Yeah, it's unique in the same way a person with down syndrome is, fuck nugget." I pull the test garment over my head and toss in on the ground before grabbing the stupid looking one, donning it quickly. "You shit's need to learn to take no for a fuckin' answer…"

I walk over to 'my' desk to move things around, so I have room to kick my feet up with my back to them all as I sit. I hear some hoofsteps stop behind me making me grumble knowing that Rarity is gonna give me a fuckin' earful. She enters my view to my left giving me a stern look that I didn't appreciate since she was the one who agreed to this stupid fuckin' arrangement to begin with.

"Charlie, I'm only going to say this once and once only. If anything, and I mean anything happens to my beloved sister, I'll make-"

"Make me pay yeah yeah, I know the fuckin' song and dance already." I rub my eyes tiredly, "Christ alive, if I wanted to hurt her you think I would've done it already?"

Her face twists, "I don't think that accounts for much…"

"Yes, Rarity, I've spent the last five months meticulously planning for this exact moment to strike… My master plan has finally come to fruition." I slunk down and mimic the hunchback from Frankenstein before darkly chuckling. "Go get a life, for real. Besides, Spike would immolate me if I did anything to her."

She actually laughs at my joke as I see worriment leave her features, "Okay, I believe you… for now." I roll my eyes at her paranoia. "Now, you're going to assist Sweetie Belle with Dinky's new cap which shouldn't take terribly long on top of some other things I had planned for the day." She floats over a piece of paper that appeared to have a written list on it. I could only make out some symbols that had to-be-done tick marks around them.

I hate Equestrian so fuckin' much…

"Hooray…" is all I deadpan with as Opalescence, her cat, jumped up onto my lap and started purring to be pet. I oblige her as I listen to Rarity babble off her work list.

She eyes her cat with what looks like jealousy before clearing her throat, "You are to clean the main floor as well as organize the racks to their new locations. I've changed the floor plans a little so we can get much needed breathing room, much too cramped in here if you ask me and it will be a welcome change. When that is finished I need the Icicles outside knocked down, they're getting dangerously long and it's making the boutique look dreadful. I wasn't expecting my sister to remain home for the trip, but now that Sweetie Belle is here you can blah blah bleh blah bleh blah." I feel my head nod downwards before I feel something hard smack me. "Are you falling asleep?!"

I shrug as the cat makes a nest of warmth out of my shirt, "I don't know what your talking about, I was so listening. In fact, I listening so hard that I'll have to wait until next week to hear the rest of it. Don't want to overwork the ears now, do we?"

She rubs her temples, "This was a mistake…"

"You're tellin' me…" I pick something out of my ear and flick it somewhere away from the desk making Rarity's face scrunch in disgust, "Now what the fuck do I have to do with Sweetie Belle?"

She grimaces as the paper lands on my desk holding a diagram of the new set up for the store, "You're basically going to have to be me for an evening, darling. Make sure she eats dinner and most importantly keep her out of trouble. Luckily, she had to miss school today for my Canterlot trip and it's far too late to bring her back now, so no need to worry about picking her up or dropping her off. There are tomato sandwiches in the fridge and of course blah bleh blah blah bleh" A hard smack hits me again as my eyes shut. "Charlie!"

"W-what?"

"The least you could do is pay attention…" She eyes me a second.

I yawn as I twirl Opalescence' tail as I'm stroking her. "Stop being so fuckin' boring then…"

She huffs, "Now you sound like Sweetie Belle…" I yawn again making her eye me. "Are you okay? You've been awfully tired lately."

I wave a dismissive hand at her, "Just haven't been sleeping well. I'm fine. I'm sure I'll wake up a little more later." I scratch what's left of my beard. "What else was there again? Something about William Taft?"

"No, I said will you give her a bath, Charlie… She must wash up after dinner and she will fight you like you do to me, but I want her bathed and sparkling." She scowls at me. "You as well! Just because I didn't have enough time today doesn't mean I forgot about our arrangement…"

I shake my head and my face falls to annoyance, "Yeah, yeah, Miss priss, I'll scrub every nook and cranny like you want me to do every time I come over…" I give her a smirk, "I could wait for you to get home so you can watch if you want considering you want me naked and sopping wet all the time, ya freak."

She groans as she turns, "A mare sees a stallion's member one time and no one lets it go…" She murmurs to herself as she walks over towards Sweetie Belle giving her a nuzzle, "I'll be back as soon as possible, dear. Please don't give Charlie too much trouble, he might explode again."

"Everyone's a fuckin' comedian…"

The filly starts bouncing up and down ignoring my comment. "Oh! Oh! You have nothing to worry about, Rarity! You can count on me!"

Rarity nuzzles her sister one more before summoning her magic to pull over a ridiculously over dressed winter cap, her boots, and some saddle bags filled with what looked like sowing supplies. She bid Spike and I adieu, as well as our newest customers who were patiently waiting for us to start.

When Rarity leaves her shop Sweetie Belle doesn't stop bouncing, "This is gonna be so much fun! C'mere, Charlie, we have work to do!" And literally rockets towards the two still waiting.

"Yeah, as fun as a hangover…" I lament as I stand up getting ready for the worst as I approach. I hear Spike chortle like Jabba the Hut when I walk by like the fat sack of shit he is. He's gonna pay for this one for fuckin' sure.

"Here, Charlie! Come help me get the measurements for the hat!" The filly basically chucks a measuring tape at me and somehow, despite her size, shoves me in the direction of small little Dinky. She's cowering behind her mother, no doubt shitting herself over my size.

Ditzy looks at what I assume is her daughter, "It's okay, Dinky, he's not gonna hurt you." She didn't seem to convinced, but eventually steps toward me looking at me in awe.

I sigh, "Let's get this over with…"

The next two hours go by incredibly slow, which was strange considering how fuckin' crazy it was.

Working with Sweetie Belle was… Something, that's for sure.

We took Dinky's measurements pretty quickly and she was quite tolerable to work on despite her caution. I hate to admit it, but she was actually pretty darn cute. If you tell anyone I'll deny it, go fuck yourself. She was a filly for sure but she even seemed to be smaller than the other 3 little shits running around causing mischief. She was pretty good about sitting still as well considering how little she was.

Worked for me… This was a headache enough already.

We brought her a book of materials, fabrics and even styles to look through for her new head wear that took up most of our time honestly. It wasn't until I got impatient and yelled to just pick one when they finally did. They chose what looked like a one of those Russian winter caps with the flaps that cover your ears. The main fabric looked like wool of some kind and the innards were of a fleece material. The color they chose were rather lack luster as they had an entire Rainbow to choose from and they picked fuckin' brown. When I asked why she said it reminded her of a muffin.

Go fuckin' figure.

Putting the damn thing together with Sweetie Belle was nothing short of a disaster. As a disclaimer, the little filly was the biggest klutz I've ever seen in all my fuckin' years of being an angry shithead, which believe me, is a fuckin' long time. Every fuckin' step of the way something had to go wrong because Sweetie Belle wanted to add her own version of pizazz, that being fuckin' everything up. She'd make messes that weren't necessary like when she was spooling some yarn and accidentally backed into a dummy, making it tumble into another like a fuckin' chain of dominoes and before I knew it the entire store was turned upside down. She just chuckled nervously as I stared daggers into her mortal soul.

She's fuckin' lucky I had to move most of this shit anyways or else I would have lost my mind.

The hat had four main segments to it. The outer shell was two pieces stitched together, which was easy enough I suppose. It was simply cutting out segments in a large sheet of fabric and sowing them together. However, what wasn't easy was the inside. As you already know the wool was already in a sheet that I could cut out. The fuckin' fleece wasn't. Sweetie Belle and I had to fuckin' hand knit it which took for fuckin' ever.

That and I almost died doing it, so there's that.

When we were in the middle of knitting I was sitting on the floor with my back to the wall and Sweetie was by a machine sowing something together. When she finished, I guess she decided to join me grabbing one of the knitting needles and walked towards me where the spools of fleece were. That's all hunky dory, but her tripping and almost giving me a fuckin' lobotomy was not fuckin' hunky dory. I'm not overreacting either, the fuckin' thing stuck into the wall about 5 inches deep right by my fuckin' ear.

It's still stuck in the wall we couldn't pull it out.

I put a stool over Sweetie Bell while I sat on it as a makeshift prison for a small timeout after that one. Spike threw cookies at her like she was a zoo animal which was fuckin' hilarious though.

Soon enough, we finish the goddamn thing putting it all together for one completed cap. I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda proud of it. It looks like it came off a factory line which is pretty incredible considering it was all hand made. I can't take all the credit as Sweetie Belle actually does have some seamstress in her when she's not trying to make Charlie Kebabs that is.

The two who wanted the fuckin' thing to begin with actually stayed and watched us make the cap in it's entirety for whatever reason. I guess they didn't have anything better to do but loiter in here like a couple of homeless people looking for a handout. At least they left us alone to work for the most part.

The only time they actually did anything that involved us was when Ditzy actually walked over to me when a headache had started getting a little beyond troublesome and asked if I was okay for whatever reason. I dismissed her, but she didn't look convinced. Or at least that's what I thought, her fuckin' eyes make it hard to tell sometimes as they bobble around in her head like loose change in a change jar.

Maybe they are worse than Pee Wee's…

Anyways, the pair opted to walk around the destroyed room, courtesy of Sweetie's clumsiness, and tried on outfits laughing all the while. It was… actually nice to see if I'm being honest. The way they laughed and giggled, I mean. Its a kind of innocence I'll just never understand I guess. I don't know, I never had that…

But yeah, long story short we finished the fuckin' thing and Sweetie couldn't hold her excitement as she presented it to the pair.

"Here you go, Dinky, one custom tailored winter cap!" Sweetie Belle announces as she makes it float in the air for dramatic effect.

"Whoah… It looks so cool." is what she says, and is the only thing she'd said the entire time we'd been in here as she watched us.

Sweetie Bounces up and down in excitement, "Try it on, try it on!"

The filly sits down as the cap floats down and snugly hunkers down on her head. She gazed at a mirror Spike brought over and she looked back and forth as if she was unsure about something. Sweetie was biting her hooves waiting for her final thoughts and she looked back with a smile.

"I love it!" She finally exclaims making Spike and Sweetie breath a sigh of relief. She turns to Ditzy. "Can I go play outside now? Pleeeeeaaaaase?"

She smiles, "Okay, but only right outside, I'll be out in a minute." The filly sprints outside making Ditzy giggle and turns to us pulling out her bits bag, It looked kinda light if I'm being honest, "How much for the hat?"

Sweetie smiles, "All custom caps are 10 bits!"

Ditzy's eyebrows shoot up and looks down at her small bag, "I uh, I didn't think it would be that much…" She empties the bag and about like 7 falls out. She counts them silently and looks up. "Can I pay you two bits now and the rest back next week if that's okay with you?"

Just as I was about to say something pretty harsh along the lines of this ain't a charity, I notice some movement out the window. Dinky was jumping up and down in the snow giggling all the while. Her brand new hat was still sitting atop her head as she dived into a larger pile and started making snow angels.

It kinda… reminded me of someone…

Sweetie falters not knowing what to do, "I guess you can pay us the rest back next week… I don't know if only two would be-"

"I'll pay for it, it's yours," I state rather flatly still looking out the window.

All head's swivel towards me like I'd lost my mind.

Ditzy shakes her head at the notion, "N-no, I can't let you do that! I promise, I'll have th-"

I turn to her and raise my hand, saying it again but more stern this time. "I said, I'll fuckin' pay for it."

Spike looks up at me confused, "Charlie, you don't have any money. How can you even afford it?"

I shrug, "I'll just work in the evenings here like I have been to make up for it, I guess." Ditzy looked like she wanted to protest further and I cut her off again, "Ditzy, just fuckin' take it. It's only a fuckin' hat, its fine. Now, go on, get the fuck outta here I'm tired of looking at you," I say tiredly as I nod towards the window.

She still had some confliction in her but eventually flew over and wrapped her hooves around me in a really tight hug making me freeze, "Thank you…" I hear her sniffle as she whispers while pulling back and looked at me with teary eyes, "You're the nicest pony I've ever met, mister."

She then picked up her bits, thanked us again for the hat, and flew out the door into the cold.

I gazed outside see the filly jump excitedly trying to show the pegasus what she'd done in the snow. As they were gazing a bunch of colts and fillies ran up and started talking to Dinky. I don't know what they were saying but I could tell they wanted to go somewhere. The unicorn filly looks up at her pegasus guardian and the Ditzy nods. The unicorn embraced Ditzy in hug and runs off with the others leaving the crippled mare alone in the streets. She looks back at the shop and smiles warmly before flying away in a different direction albeit a little clumsily.

"I don't know nothin' about being nice…" I whisper, but I'm unsure if the two behind me could hear it or not. Doesn't matter… I'm too fuckin' tired to care.

I hear some footsteps join me at the window as I stare at the falling snow, "That was… really generous of you, Charlie. Is there a reason why the meanest pony in Ponyville did the nicest thing I'd seen in a while?" Spike asks pretty incredulously at my peculiar charity.

I don't give an answer.

"Charlie?" I finally look down at him, "Did you hear me?"

"Da fuck is it to you, boots?! Huh?" I snap, making him recoil. My hand starts to fry me, but I power through like it wasn't happening at all.

"I-I was just curious!" he stammers as he sees electricity still pulsating up my arm.

I wince in pain, but ignore it, "Curiosity killed the fuckin' cat, or in this case a fuckin' dragon if he doesn't start minding his own fuckin' business!"

As he silently watches me calm myself down he just looks at me funny before sighing, "You know, it's kind of normal for ponies to be curious sometimes…"

"Then it's a good fuckin' thing I ain't a pony then, fuck face." I just a finger in my chest, "You don't fuckin' see me all up in arms wondering whats going on between you and your Mother every time you two fight, you little shit!" I spit like acid.

His eyes widen a little, taken aback by my comment and actually glares at me he registers what I said, "How many times do I have to tell you? She isn't my mom!"

I shrug, "Could of fooled me, asshole! And besides, I wouldn't know that anyways because I'm not nosier than a fuckin' tilted housewife in her 40s, like a certain fire breathing shithead I know!" I brush past him and start moving towards the desk, "Get the fuck outta my way."

I start feeling dizzy on my way over, but I do my best to ignore it. I guess that's what happens when you haven't slept or eaten in three days…

I pick up the floor plan and stare at it for some time as I memorize where shit goes. Luckily she seemed to realize my lack of understanding her guttural language and drew everything in detail so I could easily make out where shit goes. For the most part it seemed that some of the racks and tables were just shuffled around nothing too crazy. A fuckin' toddler could do it so it's a good thing that I'm, at most, a child.

Without saying so much a word I walk over with the paper and start moving shit where it needs to go. Spike and Sweetie Belle look at each other like they don't know what to make of the situation, but eventually decide on leaving me alone as they wandered into the kitchen, so Spike can raid their fridge, no doubt. I swear the shit's attitude is only being outpaced by his appetite, like a smaller Eric Cartman.

Being left alone, finally for what felt like the first time in almost a week, I sigh tiredly as I lift one of the dummies, moving it to the new designated spot. The work couldn't of taken more than an hour at most. The worst of it really was lifting those stupid racks filled with all sorts of outfits. I had to meticulously pull each on off to lift the fuckin' thing.

I feel so goddamn weak compared to what I used to be. If I had to do this months ago, I'd have lifted it up no problem.

My skinny reflection catches my attention one more time making me sigh, "Maybe a bite to eat won't be the worst thing right now… The fuckin' icicles can wait." I exclaim as I walk towards the kitchen.

The sound of a conversation piques my interest as I get closer.

"-nd then he just exploded! It sounded like a bolt of lightning hit him directly!" Spike makes sounds with his mouth mimicking the event he's describing, "The next thing we know he's just smoldering on the floor like a piece of charcoal." I peak around the corner seeing the pair eating sandwiches on the kitchen table.

Sweetie Belle looks at him with awe, "Woah! Really?! He just went off like a bomb? What happened next?"

"Yeah…" Spike frowns and puts his sandwich down like he was thinking, "He was… He was pretty messed up when we finally got to him. He almost…" His voice dies in his throat and he shakes his head, "Well, to get back on topic, yes the mark has been kinda getting worse." he looks down at the sandwich, "Or maybe he is…"

"What do you mean, Spike," She inquires as she takes a bite. "The mark is what does the-" She mimics being shocked like almost too well, she even got her hair to stand up too, "-so how can it be getting worse?"

He sighs, "It's his temper, that's what causes the shocks, but the episodes have been more frequent lately. So it's not getting better, same with his mood."

"I mean, I guess that makes sense. I noticed he's been a little…"

"Impatient? Intolerant? Irritated?" he flips up a finger with each listing with a laugh.

"I was gonna say grumpy…" Sweetie Belle thinks about it for a second, "But I guess those can work too." She giggles to herself.

"Yeah, they sure do…" Spike still has this look on him that screams worry, "I'm just scared something is gonna happen again with this mark business and there's nothing we can really do about it."

She frowns as if she's trying to remember something. "I've seen a little bit of it already and I think your right to be worried," She grimaces like she remembered something, "Like when we strung him up in the orchard and Rainbow Dash showed up…"

Spike's face falls into a look of hatred, "Rainbow…" is all he mutters and picks up his sandwich taking a gigantic bite and continues with his mouth full, "She better watch herself! If I catch her egging him on again, I'm gonna lose it."

"Huh?" Sweetie doesn't seem to understand what the drake was implying, "What did she do?"

He swallows and scowls off at nothing, "She's the reason he almost di-" his head shakes to banish the word he wanted to say, "She's the reason he blew up the way he did. Thankfully she's been kind of scarce the last week or so." He sports a proud look and flexes, "She's just scared of all the Spike patented badass-ery."

Sweetie looks at him funny, "What does 'badass-ery' mean?"

Spike looked like he was caught with his pants down and he blushed, "uhhh I don't really know. I think I heard Charlie say it once when I talked about dragons, and it sounded cool."

She snorts, "You're really weird, Spike, in a good way," she giggles. Spike joins her giggling and continues eating. "But I can see why you like him."

He eyes the filly for a second, "Yeah, I was gonna ask you that. Why the change of heart? You went from calling him a monster and trapping him like one to him being your own foalsitter in record speed."

She shrugged as she looked down at her sandwich, "I just think he's a lot nicer than he lets on."

He rolls his eyes not believing what he's hearing, "Yeah, he's the epitome of a saint alright. Are we talking about the same pony here?"

Sweetie looks up at Spike, "You saw what he did for Ditzy," She insinuates as a small smile form, "That was pretty selfless of him if you ask me."

Spike waves a dismissive hand, "Ahh That was just a fluke, besides that's not the Charlie I know." He makes a pose and jumps on the table holding a fork like a sword, "The Charlie I know doesn't take anything from anypony no matter their size! He does what he wants when he wants, just like how a dragon should be! Not caring about anypony!"

I slowly pull back around the door, but they continue talking.

"You know, I think Rarity's back."

"WHERE!"

I hear Sweetie laugh, "You're such a goof."

I silently sigh as I leaned up against the doorway still partially concealed as they continued with their meal and small talk. I turn around and head back to the main floor to continue my chores, just so I won't have to deal with those two right now. I guess I'll just fuckin' eat later and besides, I don't think I'll have the energy to finish these fuckin' chores later if I'm being honest.

After donning my quilt, I walk to the main door and pry it open to see the frozen hellscape and chills greet me. At the very least it woke me up finally. I peak my head out and look up to see the accursed icicles hanging down that Rarity was losing her shit over. I guess I get what she means, they're almost at eye level with me and let me tell you the roof is not small.

I groan, "Now how the fuck am I going to get them down? It's like 12 feet up in the air!" I look back inside the shop and I notice one of the stools and a broom leaning against the wall, "I guess that's one way of doing it…"

In no time at all, I'm outside freezing my balls off hitting the shits ineffectively with a broom. Sometimes they fall to the ground shattering as they do so and sometimes, they fuckin' don't. To further my problems the stool was very unstable as the ground was nothing but ice from all the storms, we've had lately so you can imagine balancing on a fucking stool like a ballerina may be tedious.

I don't know what those retards up in the weather patrol have been doing, they need to fuckin' stop though. I'm so tired of snow, man, today is the first day in like a week it hasn't been snowing. I will literally prostitute my butt hole if it meant I could go somewhere bright and sunny for like an hour.

"Just one more month…" I whisper to myself as a chill hits me. I can't wait for this winter wrap up shit to start. I've been so fuckin' miserable with this winter wonderland bullshit that I'd pull my hair out if I had any left…

In no time at all, I'm at my last cluster whacking it with a broom and it just won't come loose.

I growl in frustration, "C'mon, you shit! Just fuckin' fall down already!" I hit again and nothing, "You fuck!"

I feel the stool wobble as I yell making my body clench, but it stabilizes soon after. I stare up at the icicles with hatred and ready the broom one more time. Swinging the broom hard, it connects with the base of the icy spike and sure enough it falls down off of the roof.

I, however, was not anticipating that it would have struck one of the legs of the stool causing it to slip out from under me and I tumble backwards onto the hard ice below. The back of my skull connects with the ground with a sickening crack and my vision flashes white for a second as pain reverberates through my head. I was still conscious, if not barely, and just laid there on the cold ground hating everything.

As I sit up, I feel a small bout of nausea making me sick to my stomach. Enough to make me dry heave, but thankfully I'd decided against eating so nothing came out. When the dry heaves end, I just sit there in the cold while my ears ring a little. I don't know how long I sat there but it was long enough for my hands to grow stiff from the cold.

I sigh as I stare into nothing, "I just can't catch a fuckin' break. Can the universe just fuckin' kill me already and be done with it!"

"Like it did to me, Charlie?" My head snaps over to a very familiar voice and I see someone standing in the middle of the road.

"Pee Wee…?" I barely whisper as he fills my vision. I don't believe this. "Wha…"

He was just standing there like he'd been watching me, but I know for a fact he wasn't there a second ago. My confusion only gets worse as my eyes adjust and I take in his form in more detail. His lively brawny features were cold, and his skin appeared to be grayed like life hadn't been in him for some time. His eyes were entirely white, but even without any pupils I could tell he was staring at me. He was slumped over somewhat like he was being propped up like a puppet.

What the fuck…

"Why didn't you come back for me, Charlie." He demands, "I waited, and you never came back for me."

"W-what?"

"You left me there," He takes a step forward, but it doesn't look natural, "We did everything you told us to do and you left us there."

"I-I didn't leave you there! You got fuckin'-"

"LIAR!" He snaps in front of me in a blink of an eye and looks down in utter hatred. I notice a decayed hole in his forehead where he was- "YOU LEFT ME THERE TO DIE!"

"I'm not lying, you fuckin' cross-eyed stupid piece of shit!" I scream and the Pee Wee look-a-like pauses. "You went down, and I got out, it's how the game goes you bastard!"

"I remember what you did! I remember how you saw me, and you turned your back!"

I shake my head as my breathing gets heavier, "That's not what happened, you gotta believe me!"

He lunges at me, "Charlie!"

I slam my eyes shut and brace for impact, but it never happens. I slowly pop my eye open to see why'd he stopped his attack and all I'm greeted with is a cold desolate street. In an instant I rush back into the store and slam the door shut looking outside like he was gonna be back any second.

"Charlie?" A voice rings behind me and I literally jump out of my skin as I swing around readying my fists to fight. "Whoa! Easy there, it's me!" I look down to see Spike, "What happened? I thought I heard yelling."

I look back and forth between the door and Spike still not fully grasping if I'm safe or not. I walk over to the door one more time and lock it just to be sure while scanning the streets. Was-was that real?

While I'm still staring out the door, "Did something happen? Was it Rainbow again? If it was her, I'm gonna-"

"No!" I rub my face and slowly turn to him, "No, everything's fine. I just thought I saw something is all, but I didn't. No need to panic…" I say more for myself than to him.

Spike looks at me unsure, "If you say so…" He looks over at the door, "Who were you yelling at then?"

"I don't know, God?" I scoff as I hurriedly brush past him away from the entrance.

I hear Spike gasp as I fully walk by, "Oh my-Charlie! Your head, you're bleeding!"

I stop, "What?" I bring my hand up and rub the back of my head, something wet causes me to retreat the appendage and stare at it in annoyance. Blood. Not a lot but enough to make me curse the very pillars of the cosmos.

"What happened out there?" Spike demands as Sweetie Belle walks over not really understanding what the situation. Welcome to the club, sister.

"Fuckin' icicles…" I snarl as I walk over to my desk and take a seat leaning into my own hands as exhaustion starts to settle in. I hear a pair of footsteps walk closer making me groan, but I ignore it. Or I was until a something dabs on the back of my head making me wince in pain.

I spin around to see spike holding a rag with a smudge of newly drawn blood on it. If I had the energy, I'd have yelled at him, but I just don't have it in my right now. I swipe the rag from him and press it onto the wound myself.

I don't turn my gaze away from the wall in front of me, "I want to be alone for a minute."

Spike tries to protest, "But I-"

"-was leaving!" I finish for him.

He looks at me for a moment and then sighs, "…Okay, I guess I'll be making dinner alone, again..." He spouts and sulks away back towards the kitchen.

Sweetie Belle watches the drake leave and turns to me with a strange look, "I don't know how you can be so nice and then so mean at the same time."

I shrug as I look at the rag for a moment, judging how bad the bleeding was, "One of life's great mysteries…" I look down at her when I realize what she said, "And for the fuckin' record, I ain't nice."

She smiles a little, "I just don't think you know it yet," She states, pretty sure of herself, and turns following the dragon into the kitchen.

I could talk about how annoying they are, but I have much bigger fish to fry. Like what happened outside…

What the holy fuck was that? Fuckin' the ghost of Pee Wee past? I must be losing my mind, no doubt about it. These fuckin' ponies are finally getting to me. I know dreams have been fucked lately, but I'm awake dammit! How can I be- I look at the rag with somewhat dried blood and I realize something.

Oh… I slowly laugh to myself. I just have a head injury. That's all that was, just a stupid hallucination. I'm sure it was just a onetime thing…

My amusement slowly shifts back to wariness as I think about what he said. I didn't fuckin' leave him, I know that much for sure. He went down when the cavalry arrived and that's that. Nothing I or anyone else in the crew could have done. The only thing we could have done was to refuse that fuckin' job to begin with.

My frown deepens as the Kutz job circles around my mind like vultures. It was supposed to be simple: no cops, no security, no fuckin' witnesses. How the fuck did it go so wrong so fuckin' fast. It had to of been a setup, there's just no fuckin' way it couldn't have been. Especially now that I know Bill was in full cahoots with Paulie it makes sense. Send in what's left of his boys, get them arrested or killed, and eat the rest. Like a fucked version of Spring cleaning.

"There was just one problem with that plan, Bill, I got all of us out ali-" I wince thinking about the one casualty. "Well, most of us anyways. All that trouble over a stupid fuckin' necklace. I hate jewelry…"

I sat there slowly mending my head wound for quite some time when an explosion in the kitchen made me fall out of my chair. As I was on the ground I look over towards the kitchen and see black smoke pouring out of the doorway.

"Oh, C'mon! What the fuck could it be now?!" I clamber to my feet and march into the kitchen and gape at what I see.

Fuckin' Sweetie Belle and Spike were looking at the oven, completely covered head to toe in what looked like ash or soot with that 'deer in headlights' look. The oven door was almost knocked off its hinges and something akin to a dish was completely destroyed and crumpled. Gazing at the rest of the kitchen made me want to die. There were bowls, cutting boards, spoons, cups, plates and whatever else you could possibly think of scattered about the room, dirtied with what looked like meal prep.

"Well, that wasn't supposed to happen…" Sweetie laments.

"No, it went all according to plan!" Spike spits sounding surprisingly a lot like me, "What did you do? I asked you to check the vegetable roast and the next thing I know it went kablooey!"

"What the fuck happened in here!" I yell causing the two to jump realizing that I'm now in the room.

Spike shakes his head, "Don't look at me!" He juts a thumb at Sweetie, "She blew up dinner!"

"I did not!" She shakes her head, "I just added some pepper and it exploded, that's all!" She walks over to what looked like crate full of canisters, that look an awfully lot like pepper shakers, and walked over handing one of them to Spike. "See!" She sports a vindicated look.

Spike still not believing her, read the label incredulously and went pale as he gazed upon the words, "S-Sweetie! This is a firework!"

"WHAT?!" We both scream.

"No, it isn't. It's pepper!" She looks at the canister herself and then also went pale, "I-I thought it was ground pepper! Why are there fireworks in our kitchen!?"

Sweetie and Spike look at each other and sigh. "Pinkie Pie…" They say in unison.

"What in the fuck does Pinkie Pie have to do with this?"

Spike shakes his head, "It's going to be Rarity's birthday soon, so I guess she got started on getting supplies for it…"

"And she just leaves heavy ordinance laying around like paperweights! She's a fuckin' terrorist!" They both grimace as I throw a small temper tantrum. "Well, if I ever get home, I'll be sure to bring her with me… We can up the Ra together."

"…What?"

"Never mind…" I sigh as I look at the mess, the two shitheads are a part of that, "Alright c'mon, let's go clean this shit up."

The next 30 minutes or so was just cleaning the kitchen, nothing too crazy aside from the box of nitro-glycerin pink Bin Laden left in here. I just tucked the box in the corner of the room and threw a sheet on top of it. I don't need to know what the average soldier at Verdun felt like, no thank you.

Other than that, Spikes been a little shit, but you already know that. The fat fuck has been slacking on me and Sweetie the entire fuckin' time. Didn't even start to make another vegetable roast for dinner the lazy sack of shit.

"Annnnnnnnnnnd done," A black soot covered Spike exclaims as he places a single spoon in a drawer that took a ridiculous amount of time to complete. "Phew I really need a breather after that one."

Sweetie belle, in the same dirty condition, walks over to him with a frustrated look, "You barely did anything. It was just me and Charlie who cleaned everything!"

Spike puts his hands on his hips, "Hey, I wasn't the one who threw a firework in the oven."

Sweetie was about to bite back at him, but I had enough, "I didn't know- woah!"

I grabbed her and spike by the meats of their neck and lift them to my eye level, scowling while I do so, "Fucking stop it! The fuckin' room is clean so knock it off! We have more important shit to deal with." I grimace looking at them both as they're absolutely filthy. Christ, I sound like Rarity… "Now that that's over, I've got to get you both clean or else Rarity's gonna have my nuts mounted on the wall."

"Aww do I have too?" She whines.

I shake Sweetie Belle a little, "You! Bath!"

Spike chuckles and laughs, "Haha enjoy bath time, Sweetie." he pulls a cookie out of nowhwere and shuts his eyes as he's about to chomp down. He bites into nothing. "Wha… Hey!"

Holding the cookie with my teeth, I death glare him at him and use my tongue to eat the entire thing making exaggerated moaning sounds as I chew. He looks at me like I was a monster. Good.

I swallow my first meal of the day and gleam, "I think I said for you both to be clean, Spike. Do you know what that means?"

His face shifts from confusion to pure unadulterated fear. "N-no…"

If the Grinch could see my smile, he'd think we were clones, "Bath. Time." I crack my neck and Spike shrinks into himself, "Oh yeah, you little shit."

I told you I'd get payback for making me a babysitter. Revenge is so sweet…